Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf

The Unconventional Heroes #1

by L.G. Estrella

Two necromancers, a bureaucrat, and an elf – it sounds like the start of a bad joke, only the joke is on Timmy.

Timothy Walter Bolton – better known as Timmy – has spent most of his life as a necromancer. When he isn’t terrorising his enemies, he’s plotting inside his castle, which is built on top of lightless chasms filled with nameless horrors and beings of a generally malevolent and megalomaniacal nature. But after one of his latest creations, a zombie hydra-dragon-bear, tries to eat him, he decides that maybe it’s time to find a new, less dangerous, career.

But that’s easier said than done. He’s a wanted criminal with no shortage of powerful (and crazy) enemies, and he has a bone or two to pick with the Everton Council of Mages.

Hope arrives in the form of a new law. War is coming to Everton, and the Council is desperate. In exchange for providing some help, Timmy might just earn that pardon he’s been looking for. Of course, just because it’s possible to earn a pardon doesn’t mean that it’s going to be easy.

To earn his pardon, Timmy is going to have to take down some of Everton’s most dangerous enemies and put together a quirky group of unconventional heroes, most of whom want nothing more than to mangle him and/or the Council in as vicious a way as possible. It’s a good thing that he’s got some help: an obnoxious ten-year-old apprentice who thinks that pink glasses are appropriate for a budding necromancer and a bumbling bureaucrat who may or may not make it through their first real fight without puking his guts up.

Wonderful.

Still, Timmy’s never been one to back down from a challenge even if their first recruit is basically the elf version of the bogeyman.

Genres: Fantasy, Audiobook, Humor, Fiction, Magic, Horror, Zombies

81 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 18, 2014

About the author

I'm a reader and writer with a keen interest in psychology, history, physics, and economics. I'm especially interested in the intersection of these different areas (e.g., the psychology behind the sub-prime mortgage collapse).

In terms of fiction, I enjoy reading horror, fantasy, science fiction, Westerns, and thrillers. I believe that every genre has its good points, and I want to be able to incorporate all of these strengths into my own writing.

I currently live in Australia. When I'm not writing, I'm busy trying to fend off all of the deadly wildlife.

If you're interested in my fiction, you can find it on Amazon here.

Reviews

[✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think need to stop reading. Well, I need to stop reading books that ruin other books for me: Kate Daniels has thoroughly ruined all UF series with a female lead for me. Sandman Slim and Daniel Faust have utterly destroyed any possible delectation I might find in UF series with a male lead. And Johannes Cabal has completely demolished any interest I might have in Humorous Fantasy about necromancers. Sigh and stuff.

This book wasn't bad—and now that I've read it I want a) a magical shovel, b) bow-wielding abnormally intelligent ninja rats, and c) a zombie pig-lion—but the story wasn't exactly fascinating and the characters were so ridiculously flat that I didn't really give a fish about any of them. (Not even Katie the moderately wicked kid, dammit! Then again that's probably because I've read The Makening and cute little Chortle ruined me forever when it comes to "industrious little malignancies" 🙄.) Oh, and last but not least, despite being only 93 pages long this story sure felt like it would never end.



I guess I could have given this book a despicable 2-star rating but it seems I'm getting ridiculously wise and reasonable in my old age and decided to go for 3 stars instead. I mean, it's not this author's fault I didn't enjoy their story much. It's obviously Jonathan L. Howard's and Michael McClung's. Shame on you both for writing such great books and thoroughly ruining this story for me!

[Merewyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fun and fantastic!

😂hee hee hee!
Invisible Ninja Rats!!
Enough said!

But this review requires 8 more words... Hmm... Just: Read this book!🤓

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fun quick read with cute characters and lots of things going on, however it definitely would appeal to a younger reader, for this reason I don't think I will be reading the rest of the series.

Happy Reading 📖📗📚📓📗📘📒📖📕📙📚📗📖📚📓📚📙📚📕📚📗📘📒📓📖

[The Bauchler · Rating 3 out of 5]

A mildly amusing tale.

Problem is it's all been done before and arguably better.

The Dungeon & Dragon's type adventures - I could almost hear dice rolling, and the characters and adversaries within each story were predictable and resolved by quite obvious means.

I felt there was too much humour crammed into each one. Far better to have fewer jokes and situations which would give greater comedic effect.

There were quite a lot of repeated phrases and information, sometimes within a few sentences of each other, better editing would have got rid of these redundant sentences.

It's oddly written in places. For example an elf constantly refers to other elves of her own country as 'the elves' - which would be like an American referencing his birthplace and people as The Americans.

I suppose the biggest issue I had was the initial conceit of the main character - Timmy.

Grave robbing, despoiling corpses, sacrificing intelligent beings, communing/dealing/drawing power from the dark places of the multiverse would typically cast oneself at best as lawful-EVIL to use a D&D term, so it's difficult to see how a nice, loyal, moral, caring, friendly, supportive, law-abiding Necromancer could exist - let alone be one of the most successful ones in the country.

I just didn't buy into the concept.

Less than a 3* really.

[Dj · Rating 4 out of 5]

The basic story is pretty straight forward as far as fantasy stories go. Group gets an order to preform a task, picks up a specialist on the way and then they go for the big boss battle. What sets this book apart are the characters. The two Necromancers would be thought of as comic relief in most books, here they are the main characters. Their castle staff and the things that go on there are well over the top and help, (along with the characters) make the book one long list of out of context quotes. A great book for taking the edge off and getting away from the way serious books that make up most Fantasy/SciFi lists.

Well have to give the second book a look.

[Paul (Life In The Slow Lane) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Yay! Dragons and invisible ninja rats.

Quite a humorous shorty. Loved the characters AND it's got dragons. The writing is reminiscent of Terry Pratchett.

[James Tomasino · Rating 1 out of 5]

Everything is incredibly flat. There's no character depth or growth. The characters are all the same but with different flavors. The story ambles and never gets anywhere.

This was a two-in-one audiobook so this review goes for book two as well.

[Maja · Rating 2 out of 5]

Enjoyed the beginning of this one, but the non-stop humour got repetitive and exhausting. It's only 80 pages, but there's no chapters and only very few actual paragraph breaks so there's not many places for the mind to rest. The author crammed in a lot of stuff so there's always something going on, but since it's so short it kind of lacked any substance to it. I also found the ending to be very abrupt.

Might have been better if the book was longer, I don't know. Or I might have dnf:d it.

[Ubiquitousbastard · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm all for humor and fantasy in the same book, which is why I read this self-published book even though I almost universally abhor such literature. The premise sounded cute enough, and since it was so short, I didn't feel as though I would be wasting a great deal of time if the book turned out to be awful.

It wasn't. It wasn't amazing, either. The bickering could have been carried out more convincingly (and could definitely have been funnier...but then, I'm somewhat known for writing funny banter) and I can't say that I loved any of the characters. Overall, the silliness of the plot and the short length made it a worthwhile read.

[Stanislas Sodonon · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book is well-written.
The story is fun, and funny.

But I still got bored.

Maybe it was a bit too much over-the-top.
Maybe I felt too many echoes of Morningwood, and I got tired of that book's type of humour after a while.
Maybe I like my books to not go above a certain level of facetiousness.

Call it hubris, or conceit on my part. It's all good.
I found this book amusing for a while. But I need more in a book than just a never-ending stream of slapstick comedy.

[Andy Zach · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was my first exposure to L.G. Estrella and I definitely want more! The author creates humorous and ironic juxtapositions of characters and roles: Timmy, the dread, dark necromancer, who's reluctant to kill. Katie, the whiz-bang apprentice who's 10 and cute as a button and hates being called a kid, and is protected by invisible ninja rats.

Then we meet the bureaucrat who's 6' 6" (two meters) skinny, and loves paperwork. But he can magically retrieve any paperwork at any time. As well as other things.

Finally, there's the woodland elf who's a pyromaniac because her magical power is creating fire.

I assure you, you will enjoy this romp.

[Steve · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was rather short and just about as silly, but still rather fun. I knew a bunch of the backstory from the other work I had read, but it was nice to read it first hand, as it were. The action picked up slowly, properly introducing characters with amusing scenes, and built up to a rather delicious climax, and then a resolution that made me smile. I can't wait to read more set in this world.

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

A solid 3.5

Cute, fun, light fantasy comedy. I needed some background noise the last couple of days and this fit the bill perfectly.

[Ronie Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hahaha hahaha shovel hahaha haha hahahahahahaha

[Sammi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good goofy fun

[Sibil · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

This is a nice palate-cleanser, with characters that are just so good!! We don't have a lot of plot going onward, it is all pretty straightforward (but it is also a short story and not a full-length novel so it's not so bad), but the characters are amazing! We have an unassuming Necromancer, that does not really sounds like much, and that is almost bullied by his ten years old apprentice and "hers" ninja rats (and yes, we have a ten years old apprentice necromancer and ninja rats... how cool is that??), but that he has some hidden depths (I would have loved to see more of them, frankly), the too-cool-for-school apprentice is a smart ten years old girl with billowing black robes and pink glasses, the ninja rats are self-commenting, as I said before, because they are just cool, cool, and cool. But they are not alone, we have an unassuming mage bureaucrat that possesses some interesting magic, and a maniac elf, who is also pyromaniac and so powerful!
It is a fast and fun read, that would keep you company for a while, and it is also original and cute!

[Kris · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book had an almost amateur feel to it and I wondered if it was part of a National Novel Writing Month challenge due to the inclusion of a travelling shovel of death. But the humour was good and the characters enjoyable, even if they coud have used a bit more fleshing out.

[Bryce Pier · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a silly, fun, and enjoyable book. A nice palette refresher after heavier reads.

[Laura vB · Rating 4 out of 5]

‘“I’ll have one of the servants show you to your room.”
Gerald paled, and Timmy bit back a chuckle.
“Relax, I meant one of my living servants. And, yes, your room is completely normal. But try not to wander too far from it. The part of the castle where you’ll be staying is safe, but I can’t guarantee your safety if you wander around.”
Katie giggled.
“We still haven’t found that zombie pig-lion I made. Based on some of the tracks we’ve found, I think it’s learned how to walk on the ceiling.”
Gerald immediately looked up at the ceiling. How exactly did a zombie pig-lion learn to walk on the ceiling?
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“If you do run into trouble, call for help. It won’t be long before one of the rats turns up to give you a hand.”
“Rats?” Gerald twitched. He was, Timmy thought, a very twitchy sort of person. “What kind of rats?”
“Not zombie rats, ninja rats. They live here, and they’ve been told to keep an eye on you. So if you see any rodents running around with swords, maces, bows, or any other weapons, relax. They’re here to keep you safe.”
“I see.” Gerald didn’t see. He really didn’t.
Katie cackled. “They can also turn invisible.”’


Honestly this book had me constantly laughing. Who doesn’t like a story with a necromancer who likes to bash creatures with a magical shovel, a child apprentice that acts like they are the anti-christ and has turned the ninja rats against their master, a bureaucrat who questions their life choices, an elf that might actually be the anti-christ and the aforementioned bloodthirsty ninja rats with tiny weapons (that are still dangerous) and the ability to turn invisible.

Bonus: a zombie hydra-dragon-bear, a zombie pig-lion, a vicious black dragon and the friendly creature under the castle called Sam🥰🥰

[Athena (OneReadingNurse) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a pretty straightforward story about a necromancer trying to earn a pardon from a magical council. He’s getting old – what, 30’s is old for a necromancer! Plus his apprentice is going to dispose him and take over the castle when she’s able to match his skills. Enter one bureaucrat to keep the paperwork straight and one quest to build a crew to help with the war that’s coming.

From the cake loving cosmic horror that lives under the castle, to the invisible Ninja rats, and a hilariously cute 10-year-old apprentice that is definitely evil but also loves pink, there’s a ton of fun things in this story.

There’s not much in terms of character development but it’s fun to find out about their lives and shenanigans. I personally love the audio book narrator as well, he does a good job bringing out the teasing dynamic in the group and his Gerald the Bureaucrat voice is also hilarious.

There’s tons of action and magic to keep things interesting. For the age group, there’s a bit of vulgarity but it’s pretty tame and I would be okay handing this to a young teen, like 12+ probably.

The Bonus Stories:
Tomb Raiding: an adventure into a tomb to find some treasure. Plenty of traps and educational opportunities for Katie the apprentice. Fun for sure but didn’t add much to the world at large.

The Bank: this story is a bit much honestly! I don’t think we needed so much insight into how necromancers do banking, although it was fun to see Katie and Spot open accounts. Each story has some fun moments but 🤷‍♀️ overall

Overall:
Hilarious, fun, probably best consumed in small doses as I can see the series getting dry pretty quickly. Go meet those deadly rats and pyromaniac elves for 0.99, why not 🤣

[Caleb · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this oh so much! It tickles my funny bone in just the right way, much like the works of Christopher Moore do, being well written, but not taking themselves too seriously at the same time.

The tale of Timmy and his apprentice, Katy is not a long one here, though with three more books (and a couple short stories too), I assume we'll get more of this quest in the coming parts. At it's core though, this is just a delightful tale that really introduces these two and shows us their relationship, which is probably the best part of the whole book. I love how they play off each other. He the doting master who is stern but loving, and she the young apprentice who may say she doesn't like to be doted on, but who clearly respects her master far more than she lets on sometimes.

The world is surprisingly well built for such a short story, and the writing fits the mood of a comedy fantasy, being not too serious but not so lowbrow as to take away from the enjoyment (though you may get tired of hearing the word "zombie" after a while).

This is the audiobook version so I also have to give praise to the narrator, Fred Berman. He does an excellent job of breathing life into the story and characters. I quite enjoy his style and am looking forward to more of his narration.

Overall, this is a light read, but a fun one and more proof that taking a chance on random books can sometimes bring great rewards.

[Chetana · Rating 3 out of 5]

3⭐️

This was a fun romp. Though it relied a bit too much on being funny and had an insanely long and detailed fight scene, I am intrigued with the characters introduced in this short novella and am committing to at least read the next book before I decide to further read the series.

My favourite characters so far have been Gerald and the ninja rats.

[Samaira · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed listening to this audio book. I found the writing to have a subtle, dry and wacky sense of humor like Terry Pratchett. The character are deranged and lovable. The cherry on top is the narrator is awesome. I love all of his voices and think they are perfect for these characters.

[Little miss Jackie vampire · Rating 5 out of 5]

its another weird one.

[Gaea · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was perfect nonsense and I loved it! I would have loved it even more if it hadn't finished so abruptly.

[Andrew · Rating 4 out of 5]

An unconventional necromancer, and invisible ninja rats 😁 loved listening as an audio book.

[Lucy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was cute with likable characters, but it felt a little young for me. I enjoyed it enough that I listened to the second book as well

[Shreyas Deshpande · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ratings:-⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Nico · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a quick novella I was able to finish in one day after not reading in forever. Dark humor found family with zombies and ninja rats.