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The Good Death: A Guide for Supporting Your Loved One through the End of Life

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Brought to you by Penguin.

There is no harder life experience than caring for a loved one who is dying. This book will empower you approach this monumental transition with empathy, patience and peace of mind.


After working as a hospice nurse for many years, Suzanne O’Brien founded the Doulagivers Institute in 2012, which has since trained hundreds of thousands of death doulas around the world to provide a peaceful and dignified death for loved ones and their families. The Good Death brings together everything Suzanne has learned during her decades in healthcare to provide you with a simple, step-by-step guide to preparing for the future death of someone close to you, as well as helping them through the actual passing when the time comes.

Full of practical tools to approach the death of a loved one with dignity, knowledge and compassion, this book will equip you with everything you need to know to prepare for a financial, physical, mental, emotional and spiritually good death – both for you, and for your loved one.

© Suzanne B. O’Brien 2025 (P) Hachette Audio 2025

Audible Audio

Published April 17, 2025

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Suzanne B. O’Brien

3 books24 followers

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5 stars
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27 (12%)
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
Profile Image for Kayley Martin.
288 reviews1 follower
July 16, 2025
Okay, so, this is very practical and easy to digest. This is a book that literally everyone can and should read. Personally, I found the description of Christianity’s concept of the soul to have missed the mark, but the book is not about the spiritual side of death. It’s about dying in a way that serves others kindly.
264 reviews320 followers
March 12, 2025
I learned so many things and this gave me so many things to think about as well. Fantastic read!
Profile Image for MKF.
1,685 reviews
dnf
May 2, 2026
DNF.

This woman claims that she wants people to experience a good death but apparently not through MAID. MAID is medical assistance in dying which means a person is given help in dying by a doctor. The author says that this option is unnecessary since there are other options such as VSED and palliative sedation. VSED is the option where you choose to stop eating and drinking to hasten death. VSED is not a well known option to many and is only now starting to gain popularity as an option. I think that VSED is a good option especially for those who does not live in a state where MAID is available. The problem is that VSED is not a quick death and can take a week or more before you actually die. The author's second choice is palliative sedation in which your love one is sedated into a coma like state to help with suffering. MAID guarantees a quick death that allows you to spend your final moments with loved ones enjoying every last moment.
Another issue is that the author says people choose MAID because of fear mainly the fear of pain or loss of control. There are many people who do choose MAID so they don't have to experience pain and suffering their disease will cause. As for control I do think many choose it to take control of when and how they will die so that they die on their terms People chose MAID for multiple reasons so claiming that people just
choose it out of fear is just incorrect. Maybe if the section of MAID was longer and more in depth the author could have explained more about this option.
After this little section she adds a little section that hints that there's a difference between choosing MAID and dying with dignity. The author says to die with dignity means to die comfortably without pain and and suffering That describes MAID perfectly and so should be an option available to everyone who is terminally ill.
Profile Image for Julie.
2,053 reviews87 followers
May 19, 2026
I'm not currently in the situation of supporting a loved one's impending death but I like to be prepared. After my parents died, I started reading books about death to help me process my emotions and to clarify my thoughts around the end of life. I saw this was written by a death doula so I figured she would have some great advice. She does.

The biggest thing I got out of this book was learning about a POLST form. It also might be called a MOLST or POST form or a TPOPP form, depending on where you are in the USA. (While death happens everywhere obviously, since the author is located in the USA a lot of her medical advice is specific to the country). I had heard of living wills and actually have one but I had no idea that doctors and hospitals are not bound by law to follow them. Wha???? It's more about protecting doctors from malpractice. If they don't intubate you or whatever, they cannot be sued if you have a living will stating you don't want to be. Living wills also keep the story straight, in terms of your family recalling what your wishes are. The author mentions families arguing, each remembering a totally different conversation with the sick family member. So write down your wishes!

Living wills are still good to have since you cannot get a POLST until the person is actually gravely ill. POLST stands for physician orders for life-sustaining treatment and is legally binding. You can basically use the person's living will as a template to fill out the POLST. It's often printed out on brightly colored paper and hung near the patient's bed. Once a person is nearing the end, you want to keep one with you so you can give it to the ambulance if needed. Otherwise, EMTs are obligated by law to try to keep someone alive by any means necessary.

This form must be completed by a doctor and is a medical order that all medical professionals must follow by law. It sets forth that CPR will not be done, so it is a DNR. People can specify whether they want to go into a hospital if they are still breathing and have a pulse, as well as the treatments they want while there, including whether they want to go into the intensive care unit and be put on a breathing ma-chine, if necessary. They can also specify whether they want a feeding tube if they can no longer eat by mouth and whether they want to receive antibiotics.

O'Brien also discusses more general end of life issues that are not dependent on location. Her stories are ones I have heard about in other books, like how dying people have a short burst of energy shortly before death (twelve hours to a few days before). Families will think their loved one is getting better. They aren't. This turns out to be an ideal time to have any final conversations, before the dying person slips back into mainly sleeping.

Another common behavior is that quite often the dying person is visited by dead family and friends. I love this! I find that so incredibly comforting. Some people explain it as a brain glitch, a hallucination. Hmmmph. Or maybe all these dead people are experiencing something we can't quite fathom yet.

O'Brien gives a brief summary of what are some common death experiences for illnesses that people die of. I had no idea that when you are dying of liver disease, you feel like you are suffocating due to severe fluid retention in the abdomen, pressing on the diaphragm and lungs. I would have assumed that would happen with lung cancer. Nope. When dying from lung cancer you get incredibly weak and O'Brien states lung cancer deaths are some of the gentlest she has seen. Who knew?! Ok, medical professionals know, but I didn't.

The final part of the book is structured like a workbook, with lots of questions that need to be answered in order to have a good death. I tend to only get books from the library these days, but this seems like a book worth buying if you are actually living this situation. Some of the questions seemed obvious but others got me thinking. It never crossed my mind, what sort of smells I would want to have around me while dying. Music, yes. People, yes. Smells - ok, yeah, that would be nice.

Here are a few of the many many questions:

How do you want your environment to feel? Do you want it to be quiet and spiritual, or would you prefer people be talkative and jovial?

Do you have a preference for personal grooming? Would you like your hair and nails done, and if so, who should do this task for you? Would you like to wear particular clothing?

Animals are often very important to people, so please specify if you want pets to be a part of your end-of-life care family.

Do you want any holistic therapies? These might include Reiki healing, massage, therapeutic touch, and aromatherapy, among others. Please specify.

How do you want people to physically interact with you? What do you need in terms of the way others interact physically with you in order to feel that you have your dignity and that you are
respected?


All in all, a very helpful and supportive book worth reading. Don't we all want a good death? This book will help that happen.
Profile Image for Bridget.
928 reviews1 follower
December 13, 2025
I wanted to like this more. There are parts of it that remind me of another book I read just over a year ago written by a hospice nurse. I thought the parts where she discussed specific terminal diseases was a filler. It just didn't seem to have anything to do with dying for most people and of it needed to be included then doing it at the end would've been more appropriate.
Profile Image for Book Reviewer.
915 reviews81 followers
June 17, 2026
Suzanne B. O’Brien’s The Good Death is a compassionate and practical guide to accompanying a loved one through the end of life with less fear and more intention. Drawing on her years as a hospice and oncology nurse, O’Brien argues that death is not merely a medical event, but a deeply human, physical, emotional, spiritual, and familial passage. The book moves from stories of hospital deaths shaped by panic or denial, such as Vivian’s futile surgery and Alice’s spared CPR, into concrete guidance on advance directives, caregiving phases, pain management, family burnout, funeral choices, green burial, and the Peace of Mind Planner. Its central conviction is simple but unsettling: most of us are unprepared for dying, yet preparation can transform terror into tenderness.

What stayed with me most was the book’s insistence that knowledge can be a form of mercy. O’Brien writes with the authority of someone who has stood in the room at the final breath, and her best passages have the quiet gravity of witness. The story of little Tammy, marked with her grandmother’s lipstick kisses and repeating that death was “beautiful,” could easily have become sentimental, but it lands because O’Brien has already shown us the harsher alternatives: sterile rooms, frightened families, bodies kept alive past dignity. I found the writing most powerful when it braided instruction with reverence, when a comfort kit, a pain scale, or a bedside commode became part of a larger language of love.

I also appreciated the ambition of the book’s ideas, even when I felt their certainty pressing hard against mystery. O’Brien’s belief in the sacredness of death gives the book its warmth and courage. Her practical wisdom is hard to dismiss. The three phases of end of life, the Support System Scheduler, the questions about bathing, music, visitors, and disposition of the body, all feel humane because they honor the tiny details where love either falters or becomes incarnate. Her discussion of home funerals, living wakes, and green burial also widens the reader’s sense of what’s possible after death in a way that restores agency to families.

By the end, I felt both sobered and strangely steadied. The Good Death doesn’t make dying easy, and it shouldn’t, but it makes the terrain less lonely by naming what so many people are afraid to name. Its greatest gift is not that it removes grief, but that it teaches the reader how to remain present inside it, with clean hands, clear wishes, and an open heart. I’d recommend this book especially to family caregivers, hospice volunteers, adult children of aging parents, and anyone who knows that avoiding death has never protected us from it.
Profile Image for Literary Reviewer.
1,522 reviews124 followers
May 13, 2026
Suzanne B. O’Brien’s The Good Death is a caregiving guide with a clear emotional center: death is frightening partly because most people are left unprepared for it. O’Brien writes from her experience as a nurse, hospice worker, oncology nurse, and founder of Doulagivers, and the book’s main promise is practical comfort.

What makes the book work is that it treats end-of-life care as both deeply human and very logistical. The first half explains why families often end up overwhelmed, how medical systems can keep people on what O’Brien calls the “medical treadmill,” and why planning ahead matters. She covers aging plans, advance directives, disease-specific expectations, the three phases of dying, caregiver burnout, home funerals, green burial, and other choices that families often don’t know they have.

The second half becomes more like a workbook, organized around what O’Brien calls the Peace of Mind Planner. It asks readers to think through a “good death” physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. That structure is one of the book’s strengths because it doesn’t reduce dying to medical symptoms. It understands that a family may need medication instructions, legal documents, permission to rest, guidance for grief, and language for spiritual mystery all at once.

O’Brien’s tone is warm and direct, which helps the book stay readable even when the subject is heavy. She’s at her best when she turns clinical experience into plainspoken guidance, especially for family caregivers who may suddenly be expected to do intimate, round-the-clock care with very little training. Her invitation near the beginning, “As you walk this path, allow me to hold your hand,” fits the book’s voice: calm, personal, and determined to make a difficult experience less lonely.

The Good Death is a compassionate, practical book about reclaiming death from panic, silence, and rushed decisions. It’s not just about dying peacefully, but about helping families feel steadier while they care for someone they love. The book’s real value is its combination of tenderness and preparedness. It gives readers permission to talk about death sooner, plan for it more honestly, and see caregiving at the end of life as an act of love rather than a crisis they have to stumble through alone.
Profile Image for ♡︎.ᐟજ⁀➴ Erie .
140 reviews12 followers
April 18, 2025
🌟 4 stars!

Won a finished hardback copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway—thank you so much to Little, Brown and Company for this generous and deeply appreciated gift. 💛

💬 A few highlights from my reading experience:

Offers practical, compassionate ways to support someone through death—emotionally and physically.

Includes a Peace of Mind Planner that’s a priceless gift for anyone facing end-of-life care decisions.

📚 What I Loved:

• Compassionate tone without being overly sentimental

• Deep respect for the emotional and spiritual aspects of death

• Encouragement to talk now about difficult topics, before it’s urgent

• Workbook format that makes intimidating conversations doable

🌀 Considerations / Room for More: There’s a brief mention of MAID (Medical Assistance in Dying), which the author doesn’t support, instead suggesting VSED and palliative sedation. While I understand her perspective, I found the treatment of this topic a little too brief and perhaps dismissive of the broader reasons people may choose MAID—not just fear, but autonomy, control, and peace. That said, the overall message of minimizing suffering and maximizing comfort remains strong and consistent.


TROPES & THEMES:

• Death positivity

• Caregiver empowerment

• Holistic planning

• Emotional healing

• Dignity at the end of life

Profile Image for Sharon.
1,775 reviews26 followers
April 23, 2025
Thank you to Little, Brown Spark, and Netgalley for the digital arc.
This wasn't the book I wanted it to be. The technical details and emphasis on the correct paperwork is the theme of the first half of the book and although it is essential, these things would be best completed way before the patient is sick or dying. After that, the stages of grief are described, and then finally Chapter 10 speaks to an emotional good death. In my opinion, this is the most important step in the process of death, but even this chapter focused on resolving negativity in one's life but there is a very nice list of questions to prompt the patient in remembering their life. The next chapter reverted to a discussion of finances. So if you have everything planned, skip this book, but if you don't, it will be invaluable. If all is planned, then I recommend the series or podcast “Dying for Sex”, which is excellent in describing the end of life process, but it does have some intense sexual themes. It really spoke to me on how to interact with someone who is terminal, which is what I really wanted to know.
5 reviews1 follower
February 5, 2026
Suzanne B. O'Brien's "The Good Death" absolutely captivated me. I could not put it down. In addition to describing and providing information to help a loved one through this last stage of their life, she also provided much needed information concerning Advance Directives, Living Wills and more to ensure that the terminal patient truly makes all decisions about their care even when they've lost the ability to communicate. As an oncology and hospice nurse, she has the experience to guides us with what to expect - some of which can be beautiful. I'm a former hospice volunteer and after reading her book I explored her "Doulagivers" teaching institute, attended a free introduction and then signed up for a 3 month course. I'm in the midst of it and it has wildly surpassed my expectations.

The Good Death is for everyone since we all will face the death of loved ones throughout our lives. It will make you more comfortable with death and the dying, more helpful in their times of need, and more secure in knowing what to do, even know, to ensure you have as good a death as possible.

173 reviews
April 5, 2025
Won a finished hardback copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway. 4.5 stars rounded up to 5! Really, really well written and deeply moving. Reading it felt like having a supportive, informed friend help me through difficult times, and I so appreciated that! The book likewise provides lots of practical info and outlines steps we can all take to regain some of our agency, which I’ve found to be one of the biggest challenges when dealing with a love one’s death: Feeling like we can do something, anything, that makes a difference. Love how it addressed, head-on, the feelings swirling inside folks who are in these situations. I feel less alone and more equipped because of this book!
Profile Image for Matthew Glaze.
52 reviews
October 30, 2025
This book has some wonderful thoughts around death and truly does a good job of preparing the reader for understanding the process of death and what to expect along the way. It also does a good job of helping navigate the complexities of the “death enterprise” and the legality around death.

They do make a strong push for a more environmentally conscious death, but they don’t beat you over the head about it. They also take a multi-faith general approach to questions around the soul and what happens at death.

Overall, I’d recommend this book to anyone as a helpful primer for them to think about either the death of a loved one or their own death in a different light.
212 reviews
May 16, 2025
I almost didn’t read this book because the chapter on “dealing with disease states” does not have Parkinson’s disease!!! I guess maybe it really is not all that common, but as my dad’s legs are locked into a position as he dies slowly inch by inch, I would love to read about others going through the same thing.

I did skim through the chapters and I will say that I do think this is a very good book and I ended up reading a lot of it. Overall, it is very good. I actually would recommend this book over some of the others I have read.
997 reviews2 followers
March 17, 2026
I know some will say this topic is way too depressing. O'Brien's approach is therapeutic and helpful to the point that most people can use this book as a guide to handle terminal illnesses involving their own lives and their loved ones. The book covers hospital care, hospice care and how to manage wills, trusts and all legal matters with regard to end of life. How do you want to live your final days? Ask your loved ones what they want and then have it documented.
Profile Image for Debra Winter.
8 reviews3 followers
July 20, 2026
Read this!

This is a book EVERYONE should read. It is valuable. It dispels the fear of dying, making us aware that the process of dying is sacred, holy and beautiful... A Good Death, (if we are open to learning to shift from fear) is what we all desire and deserve. To have the tools to lovingly support one as they are transitioning is a blesséd gift. Read this book. You will not regret it.
Profile Image for Natalie Hetro.
123 reviews2 followers
April 4, 2025
If you do one thing, you HAVE to listen to the 1000 Hours Outside podcast featuring this author. And then if you have a few more hours, read the full book. There is SO much we don't talk about when it comes to death/funerals/last wishes/etc. and this book lays it all out. Also, talking about death is great for making you appreciate life more!
1 review
September 21, 2025
the good death

This should be brought to every school and social community
It is so refreshing to have validation and knowing that what I have been a witness to for decades is actually finally coming back full circle.
We as humans started this process generations ago, and some where we got lost
It has been a long journey to come back completing the circle of life
Thank you
Profile Image for Tiffanie Z..
281 reviews
February 22, 2026
Wonderful book not only for someone like myself who’s preparing to be an end of life Doula, but really for anyone to understand the sacredness of the dying process and to have a better experience both as a dying person and for the family and friends around them, no matter their faith, religion, or spiritual practices it’s just humanity and the circle of life.
An easy quick and powerful read!
63 reviews
March 18, 2026
The author is a Hospice nurse and Death Doula. She gives the reader the supplies needed to prepare for end of life with grace, dignity and compassion for all involved. She explains how all of us can prepare for end of life now while living so that the end isn't a stressful time but instead one surrounded by calm, peace and a loving atmosphere.
Profile Image for Amelia Swansea.
68 reviews2 followers
March 26, 2026
The Good Death is an incredibly moving, compassionate, and essential guide that approaches one of life’s most difficult realities with grace, clarity, and deep humanity. Suzanne B. O’Brien writes not only as an expert, but as someone who genuinely understands the emotional weight of end-of-life carem, and that authenticity shines through on every page.
Profile Image for Stacia.
14 reviews
July 20, 2026
Higher level reading with appropriate explanations. The pace was slow enough to absorb the information. I enjoyed the second part of the book with the questions to help create a plan for yourself or a loved one. This book is very thorough. Highly recommended for everyone because no one escapes death.
Profile Image for Norma J Saputo.
7 reviews
July 25, 2026
Read this if you care about someone in Hospice.

I read this while my husband is on Hospice. It’s a comforting book about how to emotionally care for a dying person and how to cope with your own feelings. Also there is information about financially preparing for your own death. To help relatives sort out your paperwork after death.
Profile Image for Kathleen.
16 reviews
June 5, 2025
Absolutely EVERYONE should read this book. Well thought out, laid out, informative and empowering. No one really wants to think about or talk about death, but it’s inevitable and at times comes earlier than we expect.
Profile Image for Kristine.
15 reviews
September 6, 2025
if your parents are aging and you're concerned about their death, this is a great book to read. it will guide you through so many aspects of dying and maybe you'll learn and do some of the things for yourself.
Profile Image for Mallory Nugent.
13 reviews
April 7, 2026
This read was purely for hypothetical knowledge…figured the time to think about this is when I don’t need it. Definitely some really good tips and explanations. I found a lot of it pretty common sense, and some was definitely too woo woo for me. But overall glad I read it.
11 reviews
May 30, 2026
Is a great resource book for the death and dying process. I found it very resourceful and to think about when I am going to die how do I make it easier for my loved ones after I go. This book gives good insight into that and helps to prepare for my time to come.
110 reviews
December 10, 2025
A well written, easy to understand, helpful guide to making the end-of-life transition easier for the caregiver and the person who is dying.
Profile Image for Christa Van.
1,808 reviews3 followers
March 4, 2026
A compassionate guide that can help you plan for your own end or help when you are caring for someone at end of life.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews