Исповедь скучной тетки

Diane #1

by Marie-Renée Lavoie, Мари-Рене Лавуа, Валерия Фридман (Translator)

Я ухожу. Я полюбил другую. По статистике, так заканчивается большинство браков. Но статистика не утешает, когда сердце твое разбито, а впереди — неизвестность. Диане 48, и вместо празднования серебряной свадьбы ей предстоит начать жизнь заново. В этой новой жизни она разломает полдома, заведет кота, купит беговые кроссовки, попадет в десяток нелепых историй, потеряет и снова найдет себя. Главное, что есть подруги, дети и вино, а силы жить дальше появятся.

«Исповедь скучной тетки» — это честная, горькая и смешная история обретения себя, которая понравится поклонницам Бриджит Джонс и Анны Гавальды.

Genres: Fiction, Canada, Book Club, Audiobook, Contemporary, France, Humor

288 pages, Hardcover

First published April 6, 2017

About the author

Marie-Renée Lavoie a un don particulier pour les dialogues vivants, les héroïnes truculentes et la poésie du quotidien. Depuis La petite et le vieux (Éditions XYZ), son premier roman plusieurs fois primé, elle ne cesse d’étonner et d’émouvoir avec ses fictions qui sonnent fabuleusement vrai.

Elle a aussi conquis le public jeunesse avec La curieuse histoire d’un chat moribond, la série Zazie et Le dernier camelot (Éditions Hurtubise).

Marie-Renée Lavoie est née en 1974 dans le quartier Limoilou, à Québec. Elle détient une maîtrise en littérature québécoise de l’Université Laval. Elle enseigne présentement la littérature au collège Maisonneuve.

Reviews

[Barbara · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

Trigger alert: This novel is about a woman whose husband left her for another woman after a long marriage.

*****

The story: Diane Delaunais thought she and her husband Jacques - married for 25 years with three grown children - would happily stay together until death did them part.



So Diane was shocked when Jacques announced "I'm leaving. I'm in love with someone else" and promptly left their Cape Cod style house near Quebec City.



Diane observes, "It wasn't me he killed with those murderous words, but all the notions of myself I'd constructed through his eyes, through the sacred union that completed and defined me. A union to which I'd surrendered myself entirely....I came undone. With just a few words, I lost my bearings."



Diane (wrongly) accepts that she's an out-of-shape boring woman, and blames herself - rather than still handsome Jacques - for the ravaged marriage. 😏

Diane deals with the loss in her own unique style, which is both poignant and funny. For example:

⦿ Diane uses social media to sabotage Jacques' proposal to go ahead with their long-planned 25th anniversary party, which he still wants to have (what the hell is he thinking?);



⦿ Diane hibernates on the couch for days, until it's more like a pig sty than a piece of furniture;



⦿ Diane takes an axe to the couch, marital bed, and furniture....and throws them out in the yard;



⦿ Diane sells her wedding rings and uses the proceeds for VERY expensive blue Italian boots;



⦿ Diane embarks on an innocent flirtation with a married co-worker;



⦿ When Jacques' girlfriend Charlene asks to come over for a talk, Diane removes ALL the toilet paper, towels, wash cloths, bathmats, etc. from the bathroom....in case Charlene has to go. Then Diane douses Charlene with a pitcher of water.



⦿ Diane deals with her interfering mother-in-law by (falsely) saying Jacques wanted her to dress like a man for sex;



⦿ When Diane's lawn-proud neighbor goes overboard caring for his yard, Diane savages his VERY NOISY leaf-blower;



⦿ Diane throws coffee on a gossipy co-worker;



⦿ Diane does something new with her hair;



….and so on.

Luckily Diane has the support of her three children and her best friend Claudine, whose husband ALSO left her for a younger woman. Diane and Claudine drink wine, lament their situations, dance, and - at one point - end up in the hospital emergency room.

In one of my favorite scenes, Diane's daughter Charlotte, who's studying to be a veterinarian, brings a rescue cat to her mom's dinner party. Charlotte "tells the story of the cat hit by a car and taken for dead, but that by some miracle it managed to come back to life inside the garbage bag it had been tossed into. The cat tore the bag open and ran back to its owners, giving them the fright of their lives. They'd seen Stephen King's 'Pet Cemetary' and thought the cat some kind of zombie out to kill them." LOL



The cat, called Steve, now has three legs, and Charlotte cleverly maneuvers to 'temporarily' leave him with Diane. You can probably guess what happens next.



It takes Diane a long time to come to terms with her new situation, and many women (and men) can probably relate. But in the end, this is a hopeful book that suggests life can go on after a tragedy.

Caveat: Diane is a middle-class woman with a good job, grown kids, and money in the bank. In this respect she differs from destitute women with small children whose ex-husbands leave them struggling financially.

I'd recommend the book to anyone who likes an entertaining story (if it won't trigger anxieties).

You can follow my reviews at: https://reviewsbybarbsaffer.blogspot....

[Skyler Autumn · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 Stars

UGH! This book was awesome!

It just checked all my boxes:
Lady rage: CHECK
Lady unhinged: CHECK
Lady not giving a fuck: CHECK
Lady going crazy: CHECK
Lady runs down the hall of her workplace manic and barefoot: CHECK (didn't even know this was a box I needed checking till now)

I have a thing for strong women unleashed in the world with nothing to lose and this book gave that to me with humour and realism. This book follows a woman whose been married for a billion years and gets dumped by her husband for a younger woman. It's a tale as old as time but this book gave me a fresh perspective that kept me reading all day. This book is what I like to call a one sitter, cause you sit down start to read and that's you done for the day till it's complete.

I want this to be a movie so bad! I need to see Julianne Moore smash her house around with a sledge hammer then claim she's just redecorating and in the mood for a bit of a change to her horrified adult children. I need to see Lisa Kudrow play her fierce best friend and hurt herself trying to reenact the flash dance scene while day drunk on wine. Should I just make this movie?

This book is perfect and I love it. If you tell me otherwise I'll fight you!

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was… fine? Maybe I had far too lofty expectations based on this having truly one of the best titles I’ve run across recently. Unfortunately both the title and the blurb failed me when it came to expectations vs reality. The word autopsy had me expecting a lot more introspection and dissection of reasoning and motivations. Instead, this was a whole lot of what was happening, and not a whole lot of why...

I am also fairly baffled at the choice to market this as a Québécois Bridget Jones. The book and movies don’t have the same kind of name cachet they would have years ago, and Diane is no Bridget. There were absolutely moments when I was laughing out loud at Diane’s antics, but really that is the only thing these women have in common. Not that that’s a bad thing, but the comparison does a huge disservice to the book by priming the audience for a totally different experience, and likely leaving many disappointed when that's not the book they end up reading.

Lastly… I want to know what was in the folder darnit!

[Kelly (and the Book Boar) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com

4.5 Stars

What if – instead of our good friend Bridget returning for a round three in order to have some bizarre late-in-life baby . . . . .



Oof.

We pretend that never happened and instead . . . .

I’m forty-eight – almost forty-nine – and after twenty-five years my marriage just blew up in my face. On a good day, I take a sledgehammer to my house between swigs of white wine. I’m a total mess.

Depending on what you consider “hysterically funny” this may be a flop for you. I can say it definitely made me laugh every time she smashed the crap out of another piece of furniture (or “grew a meadow” in the backyard) and I absolutely fell in love with both Diane and her best pal Claudine. While (as far as I know) my husband isn’t planning on leaving me due to the fact that I’m “boring” (as if), I found this book completely relatable. Aside from one thing – you cheat on me mother&^%er?????



Actually, it would be hard to convince the PoPo that he just happened to fall on that butcher knife, so I’d probably have to get a good lawyer, but that’s beside the point.

Mad props to the translation as well, as that is something that doesn’t always work for me and I don’t think one step was missed with me not being able to read this in the original French. Thoroughly enjoyable and recommended to other “boring” wives ; )

[Mihaela Abrudan · Rating 3 out of 5]

3,5 Cronica unei căsnicii care se destramă brusc, relatată cu ironie și umor. Mi-a plăcut o frază de la început care chiar face parte din realitatea multor casnicii
" promit solemn să te iubesc și toate alea, până când n-am să te mai iubesc sau până când am să mă îndrăgostesc de altcineva." Am ales să citesc cartea fiindcă mi s-a părut interesant titlul, dar chiar e reușită, sper să se traducă și celelalte volume.

[Nahed.E]

حسنا، لقد انتهت الرواية
ويمكنني القول إنها قد انتهت من الصفحات الأولى، وكل ما تلي ذلك كان مجرد تفصيل بعد تفصيل، وليس تفصيل بعد إجمال، فالرواية كلها تفصيل لتفاصيل، والإجمال الوحيد هو العنوان
الفكرة عادية
التشبيهات عادية
البداية والنهاية متوقعة
فلا تتوقع أكثر، ولا تحبط من الأقل
فالعنوان لم يخدعك، بل كان صادقاً معك من البداية
😕😕

[Nada · Rating 3 out of 5]

"إلى جميعِ من تحطمتْ قلوبهم أو قلوبهنّ بوعودٍ(أبدّية) قصيرة العمر، لأنّه علينا أن نضحكَ وحسبْ..."
...........
رغم ان الموضوع مُكرّر، لكن القراءة عن تجارب الإنفصال المُتأخر تبقى مؤثرة دائماً..
..............

"ما من أحدٍ يصعدُ على متنِ السفينة وهو يعتقدُ أنّها قد تغرق، مع ذلك فأنّ السفنَ قد تغرق أحياناً، وقاعُ المحيطِ مليء بالحطام الذي تأكله النباتاتُ والحيواناتُ البحريةُ ببطء، على الرغمِ من ذلك، فإنّ أعداد السُفن والقوارب الشراعية التي تمخرُ عبابَ البحر تزداد كل يوم، وهذا طبيعي؛ فالبحرُ جميلٌ جداً وكذلك هو الحبّ يستحقُ المُجازفة"


"تعيشُ الطبيعةُ البشريّةُ بالأمل، إنّها واحدة من أعظمِ مواهبنا"

[Laura (Kyahgirl) · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book didn’t deliver on the promises made in the blurb in my opinion. This was a random pick from the library audio selection and I was not enamored of it. The main character was so discombobulated by the end of her marriage that she acted out and I found it hard to believe the various destructive and mean spirited stunts she pulled. What was billed as ‘hysterically funny’ was, more often than not, the un- funny antics of an unhinged person.

[Len · Rating 5 out of 5]

Coming in March (I got an advanced copy at work).
LOVED, LOVED, LOVED this book.
(And, for the record, I am not a 48-year-old woman who has just been left by her husband of 25 years.)
This novel, for me, was damn near perfect.
Laugh out loud funny, beautifully cynical, espousing all that we hope we might do if found in the same situation - and access to a sledgehammer, or a full cup of coffee.
So simple, so human, so real, so deep and charming and warm.

Autopsy of a Boring Wife was just a sweet, sweet ride.
Laugh-a-minute, think a lot...read this book!

[Leo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This sounded like an anti romantic novel and it sure was. Diane's husband of 25 years leave her on day for another woman and this book tells the tale of her dealing with it. True the plot isn't very uniqe but it was told in an fun and understandable way. Never been in that situation but I could see why she did what she did in most cases and her journey to find her self again, the woman she is without a husband was quite interesting.

[Cher 'N Books · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 stars = Good and worthwhile.

“All women are crazy, Marie. Every last one of us. We’re all someone’s crazy.”

I was in the mood for a translated contemporary novel when I selected this one about a woman unexpectedly finding out that she is living the mother of all cliches. Her husband of 25 years has been having an affair and is leaving her for a much younger woman. It is heavy on sarcastic humor which helps to keep the tone light, as does the camaraderie she has with her best friend who has recently suffered the same betrayal. Other than the two philandering husbands, all of the male characters are supportive, kind and positively portrayed, so it is not a man bashing book.

“I’m forty-eight - almost forty-nine - and after twenty-five years my marriage just blew up in my face. On a good day, I take a sledgehammer to my house between swigs of white wine. I’m a total mess.”

The publisher markets this as a Quebec version of Bridget Jones's Diary. I did not really get those vibes, but I far preferred this story to reading about a baby journey. I wasn’t blown away, but it held my interest for the entire length and scratched the current mood reading itch. I do lament not getting to see what was in the private investigator’s files. Recommended to readers that appreciate karma retribution through well played pettiness, office work settings in fiction, and stories about loved ones getting the MC through rough times with a smile on their face.

“I used to believe that if we say them often enough, words become worn and faded, little slivers of soap that slip between your fingers - but I was wrong.”
-----
First Sentence: I’ve always thought it terribly pretentious to gather all your loved ones in one place in order to say: the two of us, right here right now and in spite of the overwhelming statistics, declare that we, temporarily bonded by the illusion of eternity, we are FOREVER.

Favorite Quote: We were prisoners of the centrifugal force of our relationship pushing us inexorably apart.

[Maria Roxana · Rating 3 out of 5]

O carte care se parcurge ușor. Eșecul unei căsnicii, încercarea de a descoperi răspunsuri la întrebări pe care nicio femeie nu și le-ar fi adresat, necesitatea prietenilor adevărați care să rămână chiar și atunci când viața pare o glumă proastă, dar și o lecție a acceptării.

”.. imprevizibilul vieții e una dintre cele mai frumoase calități ale ei. Nimeni nu se îmbarcă pe un vapor acceptând din start ideea că vasul se va scufunda. Și totuși, vasele se scufundă. Fundurile mărilor sunt pline de epave pe care fauna și flora le digeră încetul cu încetul. Pe mare plutesc zi de zi vase tot mai multe și veliere maiestuoase. E de înțeles, e așa de frumoasă! Iubirea, ca marea, merită din plin riscul la care ne supune”

”❝ Ne-am împotmolit într-o rutină care ne făcea să repetăm întruna aceleași gesturi, în aceeași ordine. Noi doi n-am reușit să ne reinventăm. Esențialul vieții noastre în doi a căpătat în cele din urmă o patină lustruită de uzură. Dacă ne-am fi propus o înnoire, ar fi însemnat că recunoaștem acest neajuns pe care niciunul dintre noi nu era pregătit să și-l asume. M-aș fi temut de reacția lui dacă aș fi avut curajul să propun altceva, așa cum m-aș fi temut de propunerile lui, dacă ar fi avut curajul să le facă. Eram prizonierii forței centrifuge a relației noastre care ne împingea afară din noi, încet, insidios..”

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Diane is a 48 year old mother of three grown children. Her husband of 25 years informs her that he is leaving her for someone else because she bores him. This book is about the aftermath of this announcement. I’m just a year older than Diane and I’ve been married for 22 years so I could really relate to this character. Some of her actions were hilarious and completely out there but I didn’t blame her one bit. I laughed A LOT and I cried a bit. I loved Diane’s character!

[Kristie · Rating 2 out of 5]

The right word is in the title...boring. This story has been told over and over again. Nothing original.

[Kathleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a humorous story about a woman whose husband of 25 years tells her she is boring and leaves her for a younger woman. If you enjoy Bridget Jones and/or Sophie Kinsella's books, then you should read this novel. It was on the longlist for Canada Reads 2021.
I enjoyed reading this fun quirky story and read it in one sitting.
4 stars ⭐️️⭐️️⭐️️⭐️️

[Wanda Pedersen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although I read a fair amount of Canadian literature, I fall short in the category of French Canadian fiction. This was a delightful example of that category and reminds me that I should seek out more such books. The translation was extremely well done. I really only became aware once, when Diane asked her neighbours if they watched American television--that isn’t on the translator, it just reminded me that watching foreign programming is a much bigger deal in Quebec than in the rest of Canada.

Both of my sisters have divorced and I couldn’t believe how much of Diane’s dialog could have been excerpted directly from our phone calls! One of my sisters, like Diane, seemed to believe in the “magic of being married,” that it would somehow bring her husband back. It didn’t, for which we are all very thankful. I never married, so I never had to go the divorce route, but I did have once break-up which caused me to be volcanically angry. Diane restricts herself to destroying the house with a sledgehammer and pushing furniture out the second story windows. I think that would be very satisfying. I’ve always considered going to flea markets to buy cheap crockery to smash when necessary--somehow I’ve never got around to it. Probably because I know that I’d be the one who had to clean up after the event was over.

I’m glad I asked my mother when she was still alive if she was disappointed that I had never married or produced children. She looked at me a long moment, then said, “You’re the happiest one of my children. Don’t change.”

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read my full review on my blog, ReadingMaria.

I was 100% entertained while reading this book. This book immediately draws you into the life of Diane, who is going through the worst (and possibly most exciting) time of her life – a ‘separation’ from her husband, who has shacked up with a younger woman.

I highly recommend this book for anyone looking for a humorous literary novel. I find Diane such an amazing character, and her life was interesting to read about, despite the fact that she claims herself to be a boring wife. I loved this book, and it was translated really well!

[Christine · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wonder if it was better in French?

[Myriam St-Denis Lisée · Rating 5 out of 5]

Diane est tout sauf une femme plate.
Elle traverse les nombreuses péripéties de sa vie sans s'excuser de laisser libre cours à ses éclats de "folie" libératrice.
J'ai adoré cette femme spontanée au sens de l'humour bien aiguisé et à la créativité "pas toujours gentille". Ça fait un bien fou de sortir du modèle des femmes trop parfaites qui tiennent le coup même quand elles se sentent détruites à l'intérieur.
Diane, elle, ne retient rien et n'en a rien à faire des "qu'en-dira-t-on" et de passer pour une folle.
À sa suite, j'ai envie de m'acheter une masse, de laisser mes pieds respirer et de faire des rencontres mémorables en me perdant sur la route. Pour mieux me retrouver.
Définitivement un de mes coups de coeur en 2017.
Et vivement la prochaine publication de Marie-Renée Lavoie!

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is adorable and hilarious. I loved it!!

[Sandra Dussault · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oooooh... que je me suis reconnue dans pas mal d'affaires là-dedans !
Tout le long du roman, j'oscillais entre le rire et la déprime. Diane m'a fait réfléchir et elle m'a fait constater deux choses :
- je ne bois pas assez de vin,
- je ne me fâche pas assez souvent.
Ç'avait l'air le fun. Je devrais essayer.

[simona.citeste · Rating 3 out of 5]

O poveste scurtă despre destrămarea unei căsnicii.
Nu mi-a plăcut în mod deosebit, am simțit-o destul de rece și sterilă, nu m-am apropiat de personajul principal.

Pe alocuri a strecurat umor dar eu nu i-am văzut rostul în poveste; au fost câteva fragmente frumoase dar per total nu e o lectură care va rămâne cu mine.

[Aleksandra Fatic · Rating 4 out of 5]

Između 3 i 4⭐️, a realno ništa posebno knjiga ili sam možda premlada za nju (sa svojih skoro 35, premlada, haha)! Pratimo gospođu Dijan u njenim danima patnje za mužem koji je ostavio i način na koji se bori s tim! Bilo je zabavnih momenata, bilo je suludih momenata, ali bilo je i prikaza kako ljudi za propalim brakom pate kao kada usled smrti izgube nekog najbližeg i prolaze kroz sve faze tugovanja, baš onako svojski žaleći! Ali naslov knjige stvarno fenomenalan, nijesam izdržala da je ne kupim na sajmu, pa zato nek idu 4⭐️!

[basichka · Rating 5 out of 5]

Я слишком давно не улыбалась при чтении книги (да ещё и так часто), так что сдаюсь – мне очень понравилось. И в текущее тоскливо-злобное настроение попало, и язык забавный, и перевод здоровский, и всё как-то не затянуто, не слишком сложно, но при этом прочувствовано и без воды.

Хорошая, доведённая до ума книга. Расслабить мозг и насладиться непосредственной героиней, её странноватыми решениями и немного гротескной историей, в равной мере нелепой и очаровательной
С удовольствием прочитаю продолжения, когда/если их переведут

[بشاير جراغ · Rating 5 out of 5]

رواية إجتماعية مدهشة جداً، تتناول موضوع الطلاق وطرق التأقلم مع الحياة الجديدة.

ديان ديلونيه إمرأة في عقدها الرابع، أم لثلاثة أبناء يتخلى عنها زوجها من أجل إمرأة أصغر منها سناًّ بحجة "أنها مملة"، فينهار عالمها.
لولا وجود صديقتها كلودين وابنتها شارلوت اللتان تساعدانها على تخطي هذه الأزمة وعيش حياتها من جديد بطريقتها بعيداً عن ظل طليقها.

رواية جميلة لا تخلو من الفكاهة والحنان، مر الوقت معها سريعاً.
أحببتها وبانتظار الجزء الثاني منها.
كل الشكر للدار العربية للعلوم ناشرون على هذه الترجمة الرائعة.

[Dee · Rating 4 out of 5]

كتاب لطيف للغايه
هو رواية عن الإنفصال خصوصا من بعد خيانه .. بعد خيانه لم تكن تدري الزوجه عنها شىء
كادت أن تصدق أنه إستيقظ من النوم يعلم أنه غير سعيد ويريد الرحيل
لا أحد يفعل ذلك عزيزتي دايان يجب أن يكن له "خطة بديلة"
وعندما يختار طرف من الطرفين حياة بعيده عن حياته الحاليه
تهدم الثوابت
تنهار أعمدة البيت
تصب فوق رأس الطرف الساكن عدة لعنات من الواقع
تتدرج المحطات من :
إنكار لغضب ثم إنكار مره آخري لتصل إلي التشكيك بالذات
وفي هذه الروايه تتخبط الأنثي قليلا وتكاد تقع في شرك مافعلته عشيقة زوجها عندما تحاول إستماله رجل متزوج ولكن سرعان ماتتبدد الفكره
كل إمرأه قويه بصديقتها
بضحكاتهما معا
بحب أولادها إن وجدوا
بحيوان أليف صغير ينظر لها كأنها العالم له
بحريتها وقدرتها علي التقدم للأمام
بقدرتها علي الرقص علي أنغام موسيقي صاخبه ليلا
و إعداد كوب شاي الأعشاب الدافىء في الشرفه صباحا
أثرت بي كثيرا هذه الرواية ولا أمانع أبدا من القراءه للكاتبه مرات آخري عديده ..

[إيمان الشريف · Rating 4 out of 5]

تكمن الميزة الأساسية لهذه الرواية في كونها طريفة، فليس في كل يوم نقرأ رواية تجعلنا نضحك بصوت مرتفع. لكن لا شيء أكثر من ذلك، فهي سطحية إلى حد ما، فنحن لا نرى من دايان سوى تصرفاتها الخارجية: غضبها، تحطيم الأثاث، إيذاء جيرانها ولو بشكل غير متعمد، ثم محاولة إقامة علاقة جديدة.. إلخ. لكننا لا نستمع لصوت مشاعرها إطلاقاً، رغم أن الرواية تدور على لسانها شخصياً.

لا أعرف إذا كان لدى الدار العربية للعلوم نية لترجمة الجزء الثاني. رواية جيدة على أن لا تتوقعوا منها الكثير.

[Jae · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved the French accent. All of it.

[Jodi · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wonderful, emotion-filled book, and I just loved it! I've had it nearly two years so I'm kicking myself for not having read it sooner because it's such a winner! Another case of "don't judge a book by it's cover" because who knew it would be so hilarious?!

Autopsy of a Boring Wife is a sometimes sad, often funny, always charming tale of two middle-aged women, supporting each through the pain of their failed marriages.

I read the well-translated English version and found no awkward bits at all. It was just as smooth as could be and VERY highly recommended - regardless of your own marital status!!

[ꕥ Ange_Lives_To_Read ꕥ · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF @20%

What a great title! Unfortunately this audiobook did nothing for me. The narration was odd, maybe English was not the speaker's first language. The book description promised it was hysterically funny, but I didn't laugh once.

The last straw, I was listening to it while my husband watched yet another hour of news, and it was boring so I dozed off. When I popped back into consciousness, the narrator was relating some disgustingly detailed account of using a porta-john, I assume she was at a concert or something, don't know or care. So that was my "I'm done!" moment.