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Pay No Mind: A Memoir of Climbing, Abuse, and Survival
At nineteen, Fallon Rowe was swept into a whirlwind romance with a charismatic new climbing partner, leaving behind her geology studies in northern Utah for an expedition that would change her life forever. Together, they set out for Patagonia to climb the legendary Fitz Roy—a peak far beyond her experience level. But what began as an adventure quickly spiraled into chaos, marked by illness, violence, run-ins with Argentinian police, and a toxic relationship that tested her endurance in ways she never imagined.
Returning to Utah, Fallon found herself trapped—isolated, broke, and physically and emotionally drained. As her partner’s untreated bipolar disorder drove their world into further turmoil, she fought to reclaim her identity and freedom. "Pay No Mind" is an unflinching account of survival, addiction, and the battle to escape both a dangerous relationship and the limits imposed by fear. In climbing, as in life, the hardest route is often the one that leads to freedom.
Returning to Utah, Fallon found herself trapped—isolated, broke, and physically and emotionally drained. As her partner’s untreated bipolar disorder drove their world into further turmoil, she fought to reclaim her identity and freedom. "Pay No Mind" is an unflinching account of survival, addiction, and the battle to escape both a dangerous relationship and the limits imposed by fear. In climbing, as in life, the hardest route is often the one that leads to freedom.
300 pages, Paperback
Published November 26, 2025
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
November 29, 2025
This book was exceptional and devasting and I could not put it down. I feel like I'll be reading it over and over through the years because it provides so much context for what intimate partner violence survivors go through.
August 21, 2025
Impressively raw and heartbreakingly transparent. Fallon did a phenomenal job at truthfully sharing her hardships with rock climbing, domestic abuse, PTSD, health, and the life of a dirtbag.
I really appreciated the trigger warnings in the beginning too. The topics are heavy, so I’d suggest making sure you’re in a good headspace before starting it and potentially reading it in chunks. This was such a well written memoir; I highly suggest reading it!!
I really appreciated the trigger warnings in the beginning too. The topics are heavy, so I’d suggest making sure you’re in a good headspace before starting it and potentially reading it in chunks. This was such a well written memoir; I highly suggest reading it!!
December 16, 2025
Fallon Rowe’s memoir Pay No Mind will certainly become part of the canon of rock climbing literature. As in the seminal book, Touching the Void, we know that the author – by virtue of writing the book – will somehow survive the ordeal. This gives the reader enough strength to continue reading through the horrific situations described. While Joe Simpson faces the extreme challenges of the physical world in Touching the Void, Rowe must overcome extreme challenges of the psychological world as she discovers that her new climbing partner and boyfriend, Dan, is not the person she expected, but is someone tormented by bipolar disorder and, later, probable schizophrenia.
Rock climbing is done in pairs. This is one of the most special things about the sport. As a climber, you almost always choose a single companion to tackle the “big objectives.” When facing these types of objectives, the physical act of climbing itself may not even be the most challenging part. The process of climbing requires you to plan, travel, eat, and sometimes even shit in very close proximity to a chosen companion. For me, finding climbing partners is often more about finding someone I can spend a week with non-stop than it is about finding someone with similar technical skills or achievements. This climbing process uniquely lends itself to extended one-on-one time with another person, a human connection that is so often hard to find in the world. While this is a beautiful aspect of our sport, Rowe shows us how this can turn into a nightmare as her partner takes advantage of this situation to trap her, using psychological and physical forms of abuse. Although a young Rowe recognizes what is happening, she is entranced by the allure of bucket-list objectives and fears that she might lose climbing altogether if she walks away from her partnership.
Several accounts of abuse in the climbing community have recently come to light. Only last year, Outside Magazine published an extensive account of how climber and guidebook author Charles Barrett managed to get away with over a decade of abusing women in the climbing community. According to the piece by Annette McGivney, climbers tended to dismiss the “rumors heard round the campfire” about Barrett because he was “incredibly talented.” Although Barrett had a substantial history of arrests by 2016, an article published in Climbing Magazine that year elected to make no mention of his arrest history and focused only on Barrett’s climbing achievements. When Rowe begins to discuss her abuse publicly, other women in the climbing community approach her and she learns that she was not the first person who had been abused by Dan. As is the case with Barrett, we as a community are left wondering how this could happen.
New stories of abuse are coming up all the time. In just the past couple of days, a climber has been charged with negligent homicide for taking his girlfriend, with limited alpine climbing experience, on a winter ascent of Austria’s highest peak. This climber allegedly failed to heed numerous warnings about adverse conditions. While there are many details that still need to be resolved in the case, it is not a huge stretch of the imagination to assume that some masculine thrill-seeking overcame reason and led to a woman’s death.
Throughout Rowe’s travels both in Utah and in Patagonia, we are constantly wondering why bystanders are not intervening. It should be clear that something horrible is happening. Unfortunately, the other “dirtbag” climbers around Rowe seem not to possess the skills to say something; they are too young or naïve to take a stance or involve the authorities Dan screams about his suicidal ideation while adjacent climbers pay Rowe and Dan no mind.
It's time for us to do better in the climbing community. If we see something, we have an imperative to say something. If it looks like abuse, it probably is.
I teach climbing to adults at my local rock gym. I do not give outdoor instruction, but the one thing I say about outdoor climbing is to caution all my students to be extremely judicious about who they choose to climb with. Judgment is the single most important skill in climbing. My greatest fear is that I will provide my students the excitement to pursue outdoor climbing only to find a partner who is incompetent, dangerous, or – as I’m reminded by Rowe’s memoir – abusive.
It's extremely difficult to learn the skills for outdoor climbing on your own. I benefited from an excellent and much older mentor in my first few years of climbing. Even Rowe, who grew up indoor competition climbing, needed a mentor in order to navigate the transition into the starkly different disciplines of crack and alpine climbing. With the need for mentorship comes an inherent imbalance of power. Those of us who do mentor need to be aware of this and, for us, there are many lessons in Rowe’s memoir.
Rowe has lived through hell. Unlike the hell Joe Simpson faced, Rowe’s experience is shared by many women, both in and outside of the climbing community. We should hope that her warnings allow other women from all walks of life to know that they are not alone.
Rock climbing is done in pairs. This is one of the most special things about the sport. As a climber, you almost always choose a single companion to tackle the “big objectives.” When facing these types of objectives, the physical act of climbing itself may not even be the most challenging part. The process of climbing requires you to plan, travel, eat, and sometimes even shit in very close proximity to a chosen companion. For me, finding climbing partners is often more about finding someone I can spend a week with non-stop than it is about finding someone with similar technical skills or achievements. This climbing process uniquely lends itself to extended one-on-one time with another person, a human connection that is so often hard to find in the world. While this is a beautiful aspect of our sport, Rowe shows us how this can turn into a nightmare as her partner takes advantage of this situation to trap her, using psychological and physical forms of abuse. Although a young Rowe recognizes what is happening, she is entranced by the allure of bucket-list objectives and fears that she might lose climbing altogether if she walks away from her partnership.
Several accounts of abuse in the climbing community have recently come to light. Only last year, Outside Magazine published an extensive account of how climber and guidebook author Charles Barrett managed to get away with over a decade of abusing women in the climbing community. According to the piece by Annette McGivney, climbers tended to dismiss the “rumors heard round the campfire” about Barrett because he was “incredibly talented.” Although Barrett had a substantial history of arrests by 2016, an article published in Climbing Magazine that year elected to make no mention of his arrest history and focused only on Barrett’s climbing achievements. When Rowe begins to discuss her abuse publicly, other women in the climbing community approach her and she learns that she was not the first person who had been abused by Dan. As is the case with Barrett, we as a community are left wondering how this could happen.
New stories of abuse are coming up all the time. In just the past couple of days, a climber has been charged with negligent homicide for taking his girlfriend, with limited alpine climbing experience, on a winter ascent of Austria’s highest peak. This climber allegedly failed to heed numerous warnings about adverse conditions. While there are many details that still need to be resolved in the case, it is not a huge stretch of the imagination to assume that some masculine thrill-seeking overcame reason and led to a woman’s death.
Throughout Rowe’s travels both in Utah and in Patagonia, we are constantly wondering why bystanders are not intervening. It should be clear that something horrible is happening. Unfortunately, the other “dirtbag” climbers around Rowe seem not to possess the skills to say something; they are too young or naïve to take a stance or involve the authorities Dan screams about his suicidal ideation while adjacent climbers pay Rowe and Dan no mind.
It's time for us to do better in the climbing community. If we see something, we have an imperative to say something. If it looks like abuse, it probably is.
I teach climbing to adults at my local rock gym. I do not give outdoor instruction, but the one thing I say about outdoor climbing is to caution all my students to be extremely judicious about who they choose to climb with. Judgment is the single most important skill in climbing. My greatest fear is that I will provide my students the excitement to pursue outdoor climbing only to find a partner who is incompetent, dangerous, or – as I’m reminded by Rowe’s memoir – abusive.
It's extremely difficult to learn the skills for outdoor climbing on your own. I benefited from an excellent and much older mentor in my first few years of climbing. Even Rowe, who grew up indoor competition climbing, needed a mentor in order to navigate the transition into the starkly different disciplines of crack and alpine climbing. With the need for mentorship comes an inherent imbalance of power. Those of us who do mentor need to be aware of this and, for us, there are many lessons in Rowe’s memoir.
Rowe has lived through hell. Unlike the hell Joe Simpson faced, Rowe’s experience is shared by many women, both in and outside of the climbing community. We should hope that her warnings allow other women from all walks of life to know that they are not alone.
November 20, 2025
I really enjoyed this book, not just for its entertainment value but for the way it handled difficult topics like abuse, mental health, and the internal struggles that come with them. At times, it felt almost like listening to a friend tell their story—intimate, honest, and compelling. It was a true page-turner as I kept wanting to know what would happen next.
As a climber, I appreciated how vividly the climbing areas came to life in my mind. The technical descriptions were realistic without being overly simplified, which made the story feel grounded and respectful of the sport.
Overall, it was an engaging and meaningful read that offers an important perspective. I think it would resonate with a broad audience—climbers, people who have experienced abusive relationships, and even those who haven’t been touched by either. The book sheds light on experiences that are often misunderstood, and it does so with clarity and empathy.
As a climber, I appreciated how vividly the climbing areas came to life in my mind. The technical descriptions were realistic without being overly simplified, which made the story feel grounded and respectful of the sport.
Overall, it was an engaging and meaningful read that offers an important perspective. I think it would resonate with a broad audience—climbers, people who have experienced abusive relationships, and even those who haven’t been touched by either. The book sheds light on experiences that are often misunderstood, and it does so with clarity and empathy.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews