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Undead Ted
Human Ted is an undead creature tired of his tedious job. He can do nothing but moan; walking the same foot post from light pole to light pole on 12th street for 4 years could drive any zombie insane. When personal tragedy strikes, it gives Ted the push he needs to begin his journey. Undead Ted Part I is a short story by Samuel Clemente. (2,200 words)
Zombie Meh... brains... meh
A Short Excerpt
Meh... Exposition... Meh
12th street. Light pole to light pole. A
green 2003 Honda Accord haphazardly parked between the poles along the blood
drenched curb. Pages of newspapers blowing in the wind like some post
apocalyptic world tumbleweeds. This used to be a prestigious post for a zombie.
Across the street from an old police station countless human survivors would
journey along this very street in the hopes of acquiring firearms. Many a
career was made on this street. Lisa the Legless would scurry out from beneath
the parked Honda and clench the ankles of terrified human survivors. It was a
move that was now in the standard issue handbook given to all new undead
recruits. She was definitely a superstar, one of a kind, unfortunately we can't
all be blessed with a body consisting of one and a half arms, a head missing a
lower mandible, and intestinal entrails being dragged where legs once were. Some
undead people just have all the luck.
My father made his name on this
very street. " The Big Guy " he was terrifyingly called by human
survivors. I however affectionately called him " Father Fred the Supreme
Destroyer of Humanity and Consumer of Copious Amounts of Brain Matter ," or
just Dad for short. He was 6'5 and nearly 250 pounds, was surprisingly spry for
his old age of 9 years, and carried with him an obnoxiously large bazooka.
There's an old zombie anecdote about how one day a human survivor turned the
corner onto 12th street,
saw Dad and yelled out "this is freaking ridiculous, how does a zombie
learn to use a bazooka? And seriously who makes bazookas that obnoxiously
big?" The story goes that Dad wasn't too fond of holes being poked into
his story, so he ate the guy, and then blew up his remains for good measure.
Overkill was always one of Dads strongest attributes. Its part of the reason he
was promoted.
... Download Undead Ted to read more .
Zombie Meh... brains... meh
A Short Excerpt
Meh... Exposition... Meh
12th street. Light pole to light pole. A
green 2003 Honda Accord haphazardly parked between the poles along the blood
drenched curb. Pages of newspapers blowing in the wind like some post
apocalyptic world tumbleweeds. This used to be a prestigious post for a zombie.
Across the street from an old police station countless human survivors would
journey along this very street in the hopes of acquiring firearms. Many a
career was made on this street. Lisa the Legless would scurry out from beneath
the parked Honda and clench the ankles of terrified human survivors. It was a
move that was now in the standard issue handbook given to all new undead
recruits. She was definitely a superstar, one of a kind, unfortunately we can't
all be blessed with a body consisting of one and a half arms, a head missing a
lower mandible, and intestinal entrails being dragged where legs once were. Some
undead people just have all the luck.
My father made his name on this
very street. " The Big Guy " he was terrifyingly called by human
survivors. I however affectionately called him " Father Fred the Supreme
Destroyer of Humanity and Consumer of Copious Amounts of Brain Matter ," or
just Dad for short. He was 6'5 and nearly 250 pounds, was surprisingly spry for
his old age of 9 years, and carried with him an obnoxiously large bazooka.
There's an old zombie anecdote about how one day a human survivor turned the
corner onto 12th street,
saw Dad and yelled out "this is freaking ridiculous, how does a zombie
learn to use a bazooka? And seriously who makes bazookas that obnoxiously
big?" The story goes that Dad wasn't too fond of holes being poked into
his story, so he ate the guy, and then blew up his remains for good measure.
Overkill was always one of Dads strongest attributes. Its part of the reason he
was promoted.
... Download Undead Ted to read more .
13 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 1, 2011
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Displaying 1 of 1 review
September 25, 2014
Meh... brains... meh. Which means, I really enjoyed this, especially the bit about the obnoxiously large bazooka. Clever!
Displaying 1 of 1 review