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Keep It Shut: What to Say, How to Say It, and When to Say Nothing at All
Keep It Shut by Karen Ehman explores how to better control your tongue, knowing what to say and how to say it, and realizing when it is best to say nothing at all.
From Bible times to modern times women have struggled with their words. What to say and how to say it. What not to say. When it is best to remain silent. And what to do when you’ve said something you wish you could now take back. In this book a woman whose mouth has gotten her into loads of trouble shares the hows (and how-not-tos) of dealing with the tongue.
Beyond just a “how not to gossip” book, this book explores what the Bible says about the many ways we are to use our words and the times when we are to remain silent. Karen will cover using our speech to interact with friends, co-workers, family, and strangers as well as in the many places we use our words in private, in public, online, and in prayer. Even the words we say silently to ourselves. She will address unsolicited opinion-slinging, speaking the truth in love, not saying words just to people-please, and dealing with our verbal anger.
Christian women struggle with their mouths. Even though we know that Scripture has much to say about how we are—and are not—to use our words, this is still an immense issue, causing heartache and strain not only in family relationships, but also in friendships, work, and church settings.
From Bible times to modern times women have struggled with their words. What to say and how to say it. What not to say. When it is best to remain silent. And what to do when you’ve said something you wish you could now take back. In this book a woman whose mouth has gotten her into loads of trouble shares the hows (and how-not-tos) of dealing with the tongue.
Beyond just a “how not to gossip” book, this book explores what the Bible says about the many ways we are to use our words and the times when we are to remain silent. Karen will cover using our speech to interact with friends, co-workers, family, and strangers as well as in the many places we use our words in private, in public, online, and in prayer. Even the words we say silently to ourselves. She will address unsolicited opinion-slinging, speaking the truth in love, not saying words just to people-please, and dealing with our verbal anger.
Christian women struggle with their mouths. Even though we know that Scripture has much to say about how we are—and are not—to use our words, this is still an immense issue, causing heartache and strain not only in family relationships, but also in friendships, work, and church settings.
228 pages, ebook
First published January 6, 2015
About the author
Karen Ehman
55 books398 followersKaren Ehman is a speaker, a New York Times bestselling author, a contributing writer for Proverbs 31 Ministries Encouragement for Today online devotions and a teacher in the First 5 Bible study app. She has written 21 books and Bible studies including Keep It Shut: What to Say, How to Say It, and When to Say Nothing at All and the 2020 ECPA devotional book of the year Settle My Soul. She is a graduate of Spring Arbor University and serves as President-Elect of their Alumni Board of Directors. She has been featured on TODAY Parenting, Redbook.com, Foxnews.com, Crosswalk.com, YouVersion.com, and is a monthly columnist for HomeLife Magazine. Her passion is to help women live their priorities as they reflect the gospel to a watching world. Karen is married to her college sweetheart, Todd, and is the mother of six children: three biological and three in-laws by marriage—although she forgets which ones are which. She enjoys collecting vintage Pyrex kitchenware, cheering for the Detroit Tigers, and spending her days feeding the many people who gather around her mid-century dining table to process life and enjoy her county fair blue-ribbon winning cooking.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 615 reviews
April 6, 2015
Excellent book.
I've spent my whole teens and early twenties yakking away about everything and nothing. I then spend a serious amount of time in my late twenties regretting EVERY single word uttered that I should not have said, not only did I have regrets but shed a few tears.
How wonderful it was to read a book by an author that was more honest and open than I would have been [I would have been a coward to admit to some things] but ever so grateful to her as at the time it felt like I was the only one with 'foot in mouth' disease.
I can't tell you how much I identified with a lot of what she was saying and just felt relieved that there was someone writing about this topic that understood how I felt. I do love non-fiction books. Not to make me feel better but to feel as though I'm not alone.
This books provides great antidotes, reflections and way's to move forward and let go but not to repeat past mistakes. It is also a book that does not judge or condemn you but feels like sitting with a friend, a good one.
I'm glad to add, I learnt a lot through those early years, that in my early thirties now, I am no where near where I use to be but sadly nowhere near perfect, but I won't give up keeping my mouth shut and some opinions to myself.
As my Mum says 'If you ain't got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.'
I've spent my whole teens and early twenties yakking away about everything and nothing. I then spend a serious amount of time in my late twenties regretting EVERY single word uttered that I should not have said, not only did I have regrets but shed a few tears.
How wonderful it was to read a book by an author that was more honest and open than I would have been [I would have been a coward to admit to some things] but ever so grateful to her as at the time it felt like I was the only one with 'foot in mouth' disease.
I can't tell you how much I identified with a lot of what she was saying and just felt relieved that there was someone writing about this topic that understood how I felt. I do love non-fiction books. Not to make me feel better but to feel as though I'm not alone.
This books provides great antidotes, reflections and way's to move forward and let go but not to repeat past mistakes. It is also a book that does not judge or condemn you but feels like sitting with a friend, a good one.
I'm glad to add, I learnt a lot through those early years, that in my early thirties now, I am no where near where I use to be but sadly nowhere near perfect, but I won't give up keeping my mouth shut and some opinions to myself.
As my Mum says 'If you ain't got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.'
January 18, 2015
To the outside world, strangers, and casual acquaintances, I am not a talkative person. The complete opposite is true with those whom I feel most comfortable with - my family, friends, and bible study ladies. Unfortunately, if you spend enough time in my inner circle you are bound to hear a few un-christian things spill from my lips. One such occasion happened three years ago and to this day that relationship has not fully recovered. If your words have ever bested you, if you've ever spoken without thinking, reacted out of anger, commented when you should have held your peace, or pounced on an opportunity to get a dig in (that should cover most of you)…then this book is for you.
In order to benefit fully from Karen Ehman's book Keep It Shut: What To Say, How To Say It, And When To Say Nothing At All, you must be willing to undergo a little self-examination. Karen tells of her own tongue-taming battle before sharing biblical lessons from Joseph, Daniel, and even King Herod. Each story lends itself to an invaluable piece of advice that we can apply to our own conversations. Readers are asked to evaluate their daily intake of the Word (Luke 6:45), our motives for speaking, and our skills as listeners. Some of her best advice pertains to when to hold our tongue, what to share and what is gossip, and how to defuse heated verbal exchanges.
My copy of Keep It Shut is full of post-it flags marking quotations and tips I want to return to. The advice is biblically based, socially relevant, and has the potential to prevent future speech faux pas when you put them into practice. Women speak more words in a day than men (that's a fact), so it stands to reason that women may need more help learning what to say, how to say it, and when to zip it! For this reason I highly recommend this book to Women's Ministry groups and book clubs to read and discuss together. Ladies (and gentlemen) this book may be just what you need to improve the emotional climate in your home, to open the lines of communication in your family, and to prevent future meltdowns. I give Keep It Shut 5/5 stars.
I received this book free as a member of the BookLookBloggers review program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
In order to benefit fully from Karen Ehman's book Keep It Shut: What To Say, How To Say It, And When To Say Nothing At All, you must be willing to undergo a little self-examination. Karen tells of her own tongue-taming battle before sharing biblical lessons from Joseph, Daniel, and even King Herod. Each story lends itself to an invaluable piece of advice that we can apply to our own conversations. Readers are asked to evaluate their daily intake of the Word (Luke 6:45), our motives for speaking, and our skills as listeners. Some of her best advice pertains to when to hold our tongue, what to share and what is gossip, and how to defuse heated verbal exchanges.
My copy of Keep It Shut is full of post-it flags marking quotations and tips I want to return to. The advice is biblically based, socially relevant, and has the potential to prevent future speech faux pas when you put them into practice. Women speak more words in a day than men (that's a fact), so it stands to reason that women may need more help learning what to say, how to say it, and when to zip it! For this reason I highly recommend this book to Women's Ministry groups and book clubs to read and discuss together. Ladies (and gentlemen) this book may be just what you need to improve the emotional climate in your home, to open the lines of communication in your family, and to prevent future meltdowns. I give Keep It Shut 5/5 stars.
I received this book free as a member of the BookLookBloggers review program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
February 23, 2021
What religion says about the power that speech can have on our lives and what can we do about it all.
October 9, 2022
a 3-point-five-ish stars, my lord
first, to be clear: i am an atheist. i would almost certainly never have read this unprompted after seeing all the 'god stuff' in the description and cover reviews. i get very uncomfortable very quickly by ostentatiously-religious books and people; it feels like im entertaining a cultist, and i have a *really* difficult time with that.
my mum had this book and told me she loved it and learnt a lot from it (of that ive seen scant evidence, but i'll get to that in a bit). she said it 'was a little religious, but not that much' (she's Catholic, but really only at Easter) and i didn't bother to read the book blurbs prior to cracking this open. my mum was so effusive about how much she enjoyed it and wanted me to read it, practically shoving it in my hands; i welcomed the chance to learn some new things – and read a book, of course.
this book was clearly intended for women. the pink cover with the painted lips might've tipped you off, but it wasn't until i got into the book itself that it was clear to me; i just figured the author chose a cover that reflected the author's own personality, not something emblematic of gendered stereotypes (pseudo-spoiler alert: the latter was, in fact, her goal).
and speaking of, Ms Ehman propagates the fallacious claim that women talk more than men*, and throws in some pretty nasty commentary to boot: the 'Utterly Untameable' is a 'beast'(!) behind a curtain, revealed to be a woman chatting on her mobile; frequent references to 'women flapping their jaws' and 'yakking' with the obvious implication of nothing meaningful being said; implications that women speaking is a rightful annoyance, especially to men.
much of this was straight from the first, ergh; it thankfully got a little better through the book, but that plus the scripture at the starting line didn't set my expectations high at all (my eyes rolled much faster). tact was certainly lacking in parts, too, and it felt more than a few times as though i was reading the words of an '80s-era motivational speaker.
and my mum misspoke: this was VERY religious. very, very, VERY.
i.e., picture Buzz Lightyear: 'god-stuff! god-stuff everywhere!'
still, i ended up enjoying the book considerably more than id expected (i assumed id ultimately give it one star). though scripture is not my thing, the author chose verses that at least suited the point, and her beliefs were surprisingly consistent. she exhibited a level of fairness toward other beliefs and lifestyles that surprised me, and she seemed to genuinely want to both help others -and- herself. there's a level of humility present that is generally atypical in my experiences with theists; i will always respect someone who admits that they don't have all the answers or behaviours down pat but are nevertheless trying to do their best to learn and grow.
some of the advice is really sound for everyone, not just women or 'believers', and i did have a lot to reflect on whilst making my way through the book - including how much of the work ive already done, which was a surprising realisation (and confidence boost). scripture and religion aside, there are tips even heathens like me can use – and so much the better for those who do believe, as i think the 'god stuff' helps support her points rather than diminish or negate them.
(also, i do not recall any verses or mention of women being relegated to Servants for Men®, or of being told that women need to shut it when a Man® is talking; there were no admonitions to 'Be a good, subservient little housewife and STFU' – and thank god for that...as they say. this would be a very angry, infinitely less favourable review otherwise, haha.)
of course, as effusive as my mum was about how much she gained from it, i am sincerely hoping she reads it again as soon as i return it to her. i keep my distance because it's healthier for both of us, but even my being as kind and patient communicative and 'lovingly honest' for years (and, im now aware, as the book likewise instructs) has not yet done a thing to improve her treatment of me.
maybe revisiting this book knowing ive now read it will help her follow through...well, at least i know im on the right track, and it's got me one book closer to my reading goal this year.
PS this is a much longer review than id intended, or than many ive written, so i obviously still have work to do. 😉
_________________
*the claim has long been debunked. further, a review of 56 studies, conducted by a linguistics researcher and a social psychologist, found that only two supported the claim.
of the remaining 54...
34(!) studies found men did more of the talking; 16 showed the same amount for both; and four had no clear pattern at all.
in actuality, status - not gender - is the clearest determining factor of word count. the person perceived to be of higher status tends to have the bulk of the floor (though men often talk over and interrupt women regardless of their position).
first, to be clear: i am an atheist. i would almost certainly never have read this unprompted after seeing all the 'god stuff' in the description and cover reviews. i get very uncomfortable very quickly by ostentatiously-religious books and people; it feels like im entertaining a cultist, and i have a *really* difficult time with that.
my mum had this book and told me she loved it and learnt a lot from it (of that ive seen scant evidence, but i'll get to that in a bit). she said it 'was a little religious, but not that much' (she's Catholic, but really only at Easter) and i didn't bother to read the book blurbs prior to cracking this open. my mum was so effusive about how much she enjoyed it and wanted me to read it, practically shoving it in my hands; i welcomed the chance to learn some new things – and read a book, of course.
this book was clearly intended for women. the pink cover with the painted lips might've tipped you off, but it wasn't until i got into the book itself that it was clear to me; i just figured the author chose a cover that reflected the author's own personality, not something emblematic of gendered stereotypes (pseudo-spoiler alert: the latter was, in fact, her goal).
and speaking of, Ms Ehman propagates the fallacious claim that women talk more than men*, and throws in some pretty nasty commentary to boot: the 'Utterly Untameable' is a 'beast'(!) behind a curtain, revealed to be a woman chatting on her mobile; frequent references to 'women flapping their jaws' and 'yakking' with the obvious implication of nothing meaningful being said; implications that women speaking is a rightful annoyance, especially to men.
much of this was straight from the first, ergh; it thankfully got a little better through the book, but that plus the scripture at the starting line didn't set my expectations high at all (my eyes rolled much faster). tact was certainly lacking in parts, too, and it felt more than a few times as though i was reading the words of an '80s-era motivational speaker.
and my mum misspoke: this was VERY religious. very, very, VERY.
i.e., picture Buzz Lightyear: 'god-stuff! god-stuff everywhere!'
still, i ended up enjoying the book considerably more than id expected (i assumed id ultimately give it one star). though scripture is not my thing, the author chose verses that at least suited the point, and her beliefs were surprisingly consistent. she exhibited a level of fairness toward other beliefs and lifestyles that surprised me, and she seemed to genuinely want to both help others -and- herself. there's a level of humility present that is generally atypical in my experiences with theists; i will always respect someone who admits that they don't have all the answers or behaviours down pat but are nevertheless trying to do their best to learn and grow.
some of the advice is really sound for everyone, not just women or 'believers', and i did have a lot to reflect on whilst making my way through the book - including how much of the work ive already done, which was a surprising realisation (and confidence boost). scripture and religion aside, there are tips even heathens like me can use – and so much the better for those who do believe, as i think the 'god stuff' helps support her points rather than diminish or negate them.
(also, i do not recall any verses or mention of women being relegated to Servants for Men®, or of being told that women need to shut it when a Man® is talking; there were no admonitions to 'Be a good, subservient little housewife and STFU' – and thank god for that...as they say. this would be a very angry, infinitely less favourable review otherwise, haha.)
of course, as effusive as my mum was about how much she gained from it, i am sincerely hoping she reads it again as soon as i return it to her. i keep my distance because it's healthier for both of us, but even my being as kind and patient communicative and 'lovingly honest' for years (and, im now aware, as the book likewise instructs) has not yet done a thing to improve her treatment of me.
maybe revisiting this book knowing ive now read it will help her follow through...well, at least i know im on the right track, and it's got me one book closer to my reading goal this year.
PS this is a much longer review than id intended, or than many ive written, so i obviously still have work to do. 😉
_________________
*the claim has long been debunked. further, a review of 56 studies, conducted by a linguistics researcher and a social psychologist, found that only two supported the claim.
of the remaining 54...
34(!) studies found men did more of the talking; 16 showed the same amount for both; and four had no clear pattern at all.
in actuality, status - not gender - is the clearest determining factor of word count. the person perceived to be of higher status tends to have the bulk of the floor (though men often talk over and interrupt women regardless of their position).
March 26, 2015
DNF. She makes the mistake of saying "like the apostle John says", and then quoting from the Sermon on the Mount. Her biblical illustrations are the definition of eisegesis. It's really too bad because I was looking forward to this book.
Read The Peacemaker or Peacemaking for families instead.
I'm learning that good books written specifically for Christian women are few and far between. And anything recommended by Lysa Terkeurst is NOT for me.
Read The Peacemaker or Peacemaking for families instead.
I'm learning that good books written specifically for Christian women are few and far between. And anything recommended by Lysa Terkeurst is NOT for me.
June 21, 2018
There is way too much "Do it because it's godly and Jesus would want you to." And those simply are not the best reasons to do anything. Do it because it will spread peace, goodwill, make you feel better about yourself, be a calm beacon in a world too full of bluster, lies, hate, and ill-will. Those are just a few and more concrete reasons. But, it's just my perspective from a non-Christian standpoint.
February 2, 2016
The only thing I could really appreciate about this book was it seemed to have no misspellings.
July 15, 2017
This book was written for 5 year old children. Where are these high ratings coming from? There isn't an original thought in the entire book...if you have any common sense, you would already KNOW the things that the author puts forth. Yes, she laces the book with Bible quotes and does her very best to tie each scripture quote to a life experience. I seldom give a low review--but this book bombed out for me. I don't recommend it.
March 14, 2015
The topic (watching our speech carefully) is one that each of us needs wisdom on, and I really appreciated Ehman's humor and transparency throughout the book. She told a few stories of instances where she was hurt by someone else's careless words, but mostly she shared experiences of her own failings. It was very refreshing to hear someone speak humbly in a Christian book.
I did feel that it could have been pared down just a teensy bit, and she quotes a LOT of scripture. I hate to write that as if it's a negative, but sometimes the verses she quoted were so similar (lots from Proverbs) that it seemed a little choppy, and I think certain points could have been better driven home by sticking just to one or two main verses per chapter/topic.
Overall, though, it was a good book containing lots of wise words and practical, helpful advice!
I did feel that it could have been pared down just a teensy bit, and she quotes a LOT of scripture. I hate to write that as if it's a negative, but sometimes the verses she quoted were so similar (lots from Proverbs) that it seemed a little choppy, and I think certain points could have been better driven home by sticking just to one or two main verses per chapter/topic.
Overall, though, it was a good book containing lots of wise words and practical, helpful advice!
December 4, 2017
I didn't realize this book was targeted at a demographic of Christian females (i.e. far outside my demographic). Nonetheless I managed to finish this book, and it contained valuable insights about when to speak vs stay quiet, how to speak to different groups of people by keeping their background in mind, and finally - a favorite of mine - the use of strategic ellipses in speech to maximize effectiveness and delivery. The author, incidentally, advocates a Dale Carnegie-esque approach to criticism by stating that one should never criticize another openly or behind their back. Finally, it's important to note that this book bolsters its assertions with many biblical references, which were structured in a manner that they were approachable to a reader who has never read the bible.
March 2, 2015
I read this book with a small group "bible" study this year. I am glad we read it so slowly because it gave me more time to actually absorb the basic theme of this book: what to say, how to say it, and when to say nothing at all. I found this book to be a very simple and quick read. There really were not very many biblical examples, it was mostly composed of Ehman's personal experiences that she shared to get her points across. Simple, honest, encouraging and gentle wisdom in controlling our tongues.
January 25, 2015
I found this book/study to be too light. I did the video, et al. The opening story about an incident in middle school was a folksy, down home kind of opening. I had high hopes, but I never felt like there was real depth to the study. If you are just looking for a light study, then this is for you, but if you are looking to really go deep and deepen your relationship with Jesus, then this may not be satisfying.
December 30, 2014
This is a great book about all the trouble our tongues can get us into and how to avoid each type. It is filled with great stories and it is easy to find yourself among the pages. I am so glad to have read this book. I learned quite a bit and also found out ways I get myself into trouble without trying. Great read!
March 13, 2018
I think "Keep it Shut" has several good tips and tricks for taming your tongue, as well as Biblical references and examples. But I also think Karen could have used some of her own advise in writing this book (a little too many personal stories, if you ask me).
I still thought it was worth reading and there were several 'note worthy' points.
I still thought it was worth reading and there were several 'note worthy' points.
September 17, 2020
Hmmm... How do I give a negative review to a book which consists of 200 pages of print telling me to BE NICE? After examining my motives, I have decided to move forward with some truthful but unpleasant comments.
"Keep It Shut" is simply written. I'd say that it lacks content in general. This is not material to stretch the mind or even give cause to deep thinking or self-reflection. Chapter after chapter implores us to speak kindly, to speak honestly, & not to gossip. My thoughts are that these concepts should be common knowledge. I chose to read the book thinking some basic reminders would be beneficial to me. But Ehman uses way too many words to explain a few familiar principles.
A large portion of Ehman's book informs the reader of times she said things she shouldn't have, and of the consequences she faced because of those times. She honestly admits to talking too much and using her words for selfish motives. She uses numerous scriptures to emphasize her key points. These are worthwhile and provided reminders I needed to hear (be quick to listen & slow to speak, speak the truth in love, etc.). These points, however, are expanded upon to the extreme. I could have sworn that the more I read, the longer the book became!
"Keep It Shut" is simply written. I'd say that it lacks content in general. This is not material to stretch the mind or even give cause to deep thinking or self-reflection. Chapter after chapter implores us to speak kindly, to speak honestly, & not to gossip. My thoughts are that these concepts should be common knowledge. I chose to read the book thinking some basic reminders would be beneficial to me. But Ehman uses way too many words to explain a few familiar principles.
A large portion of Ehman's book informs the reader of times she said things she shouldn't have, and of the consequences she faced because of those times. She honestly admits to talking too much and using her words for selfish motives. She uses numerous scriptures to emphasize her key points. These are worthwhile and provided reminders I needed to hear (be quick to listen & slow to speak, speak the truth in love, etc.). These points, however, are expanded upon to the extreme. I could have sworn that the more I read, the longer the book became!
July 20, 2021
This book is totally worth a 5-star rating! So many words of wisdom and truth spoken throughout it. I was able to relate in so many ways with the examples and situations the author wrote about and I dearly loved all the scripture used.
She spoke a lot of her own experiences and how she was able to apply God's word to each situation to learn the wrong or right of it. The scripture she used was a great asset to the book and allowed me the opportunity to study His word on a more personal basis.
Rating: G
Language: clean read
Recommend: yes
She spoke a lot of her own experiences and how she was able to apply God's word to each situation to learn the wrong or right of it. The scripture she used was a great asset to the book and allowed me the opportunity to study His word on a more personal basis.
Rating: G
Language: clean read
Recommend: yes
April 18, 2022
A quick easy listen. So many useful reminders of my tongue and how my words can cause harm or good.
She gives many personal examples and Godly advice she has learned throughout life.
Chapters covered:
Power of the tongue, how to communicate, squabbles, spats, learning to listen, motives and manners, digital tongue, gossip and hearsay, flattery, speaking truth in love, anger, and tricks to temper the tongue.
She gives many personal examples and Godly advice she has learned throughout life.
Chapters covered:
Power of the tongue, how to communicate, squabbles, spats, learning to listen, motives and manners, digital tongue, gossip and hearsay, flattery, speaking truth in love, anger, and tricks to temper the tongue.
May 27, 2021
I was not ready for such a big amount of religious parts and phrases like to speak good you need a pure heart...
December 29, 2023
Seemed boastful at times and gave "girl wash your face" vibes.
March 12, 2018
Keep It Shut is a good book to read when you feel that you struggle to control your tongue in a godly way. It’s full of helpful tips and tricks and definitely gives you some things to take into account while you speak to others as a representative of Christ. the stories that the author uses to illustrate key points can tend to drag on a bit, but other than that it’s a good read.
December 27, 2024
This book really made me think a lot because I am such a word vomiter and it’s really hard for me to keep my mouth shut for one and for two not treat everyone like they’re my best friend in the world. This book really presented it from a) a biblical standpoint and b) in a way that the reader can comprehend. There are lots of examples that I felt that I could relate to. One of my favorite pieces of advice was for every three times you want to say something, that’s when you should actually say something. There was also a lot about people pleasing which is a whole other ball game for me that I’m going to need even more advice on for sure BUT 😅 it was a great place to start. 10/10 recommend if you’re a chatty Kathy like myself 🤗
August 7, 2023
The first 2 or 3 chapters are my favorite. It just kind of goes downhill from there. However, there are some wonderful nuggets throughout the book.
January 7, 2019
KEEP IT SHUT: WHAT TO SAY, WHEN TO SAY IT, AND WHEN TO SAY NOTHING AT ALL by Karen Ehman was one of the books chosen to read by our group. My husband read it first. The author was unknown to me, but I will not hesitate to read more of her books. Her writing includes scripture and humour, and is easy to read and understand.
Karen Ehman wrote, "Our words are powerful, and they have consequences."
'Psychiatrist Louann Brizendine states in The Female Brain,"Men use about seven thousand words per day. Women use about twenty thousand."'
"...in the course of a year, women speak about 7.3 million words and men utter about 2.5 million words."
"The Bible says that life and death are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21)"
"So in our quest to use our words in ways that are good and honor God, we must first consider the heart and mind from which they come."
James 3:5-6 -~ James uses fire for an analogy for how our words can quickly spread, causing untold damage.
We should use our words to build up, encourage, and speak for truth.
G.R.A.C.E. is God's Riches At Christ's Expense.
...For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast (Ephesians 2:8-9)
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. (James 1:19-21)
"Scripture states that there is a time to speak up and a time to remain silent (Ecclesiastes 3:7)"
Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. (Psalm 141:3)
Karen Ehman gives the website www.Proverbs31.org to find out about Proverbs 31 Ministeries.
Near the end of the book, she gives her recipe for Honey-Lemon Poppy Seed Bread.
I enjoyed reading this book and recommend it for others like me who need to be mindful of what they say. I'll end with one of my favourite passages.
"Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble." (Proverbs 21:23 NLT).
Karen Ehman wrote, "Our words are powerful, and they have consequences."
'Psychiatrist Louann Brizendine states in The Female Brain,"Men use about seven thousand words per day. Women use about twenty thousand."'
"...in the course of a year, women speak about 7.3 million words and men utter about 2.5 million words."
"The Bible says that life and death are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21)"
"So in our quest to use our words in ways that are good and honor God, we must first consider the heart and mind from which they come."
James 3:5-6 -~ James uses fire for an analogy for how our words can quickly spread, causing untold damage.
We should use our words to build up, encourage, and speak for truth.
G.R.A.C.E. is God's Riches At Christ's Expense.
...For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast (Ephesians 2:8-9)
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. (James 1:19-21)
"Scripture states that there is a time to speak up and a time to remain silent (Ecclesiastes 3:7)"
Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. (Psalm 141:3)
Karen Ehman gives the website www.Proverbs31.org to find out about Proverbs 31 Ministeries.
Near the end of the book, she gives her recipe for Honey-Lemon Poppy Seed Bread.
I enjoyed reading this book and recommend it for others like me who need to be mindful of what they say. I'll end with one of my favourite passages.
"Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble." (Proverbs 21:23 NLT).
June 28, 2024
Audiobook. Great biblically based advice. I felt that the author was authentic, and this is def an area she struggles with. She is speaking from an experience of how gossip, flattery, etc can be damaging to many relationships. I wish I had the paperback for all of the Bible verses cited. My only critique was that it is a little dated with some of the pop cultural references.
December 8, 2025
10/10 highly recommend to anyone hoping to get better at minding your mouth and thoughts (to others and yourself). This book will teach more than you think and will 100% aid in self reflection! You learn to worry about yourself and what you got going on, as opposed to being worried about other people and situations. Even if you aren’t a whole religious or spiritual person, it’s such a beneficial and powerful read. It’ll have you on your Issa Rae talking to yourself in the mirror lol
April 27, 2026
I'm a Christian, but I am concerned about this book being used in women's church small groups without any kind of domestic violence education first.
An Institute for Family Studies analysis reported that roughly 1 in 4 highly religious U.S. couples had experienced intimate partner violence in their current relationship. That is why books like this need to be safety aware.
Christian books about speech, silence, forgiveness, conflict, and “not gossiping” are not neutral when many readers may be living with coercion, deceit, degradation, sexual abuse, or danger.
Karen Ehman’s "Keep It Shut" is about the power of words: gossip, anger, listening, prayer before speaking, social media, and learning when not to say something. For ordinary conflict, awkward conversations, family tension, or careless speech, some readers may find it helpful.
But I would be very cautious about recommending this book to someone in an abusive or destructive marriage.
The book’s main instincts are restraint, self-examination, forgiveness, assuming the best of others, and avoiding gossip. For example, in chapter 5, Ehman describes leaving the premises but “not the relationship” when dealing with hurtful comments, and then frames the ongoing response as forgiveness (pp. 91–92). She also advises readers to “believe the best before we assume the worst” when conflict arises (p. 92). Later, in the chapter on gossip, she urges readers to ask whether what they are saying is kind, true, and necessary, and warns that gossip “betrays confidences” (pp. 125–126).
One representative quote:
“We should believe the best before we assume the worst.”
— Keep It Shut, p. 92
That may be wise advice for normal misunderstandings. But in an abusive relationship, it can be dangerous. A victim of abuse often already assumes the best, gives grace, forgives, minimizes, stays quiet, and questions her own motives. She does not primarily need another reminder to be tenderhearted, tough-skinned, or careful not to speak negatively about someone. She needs clarity about her own safety.
A person being abused needs to be able to name coercion, degradation, deceit, sexual abuse, intimidation, and danger truthfully. She may need safe outside help, documentation, advocacy, legal and medical resources, and a safety plan. In some cases, she needs separation or divorce.
Telling a pastor, counselor, domestic violence advocate, attorney, doctor, police officer, trusted friend, or family member about abuse is not gossip. It is disclosure. It is help-seeking. It may be life-saving.
My concern is not that every sentence in this book is bad. My concern is that the framework is not abuse-aware. Applied to normal relationship friction, it may help. Applied to a destructive marriage, it may make it harder for the harmed spouse to recognize the problem clearly, tell the truth, seek protection, and leave when necessary.
An Institute for Family Studies analysis reported that roughly 1 in 4 highly religious U.S. couples had experienced intimate partner violence in their current relationship. That is why books like this need to be safety aware.
Christian books about speech, silence, forgiveness, conflict, and “not gossiping” are not neutral when many readers may be living with coercion, deceit, degradation, sexual abuse, or danger.
Karen Ehman’s "Keep It Shut" is about the power of words: gossip, anger, listening, prayer before speaking, social media, and learning when not to say something. For ordinary conflict, awkward conversations, family tension, or careless speech, some readers may find it helpful.
But I would be very cautious about recommending this book to someone in an abusive or destructive marriage.
The book’s main instincts are restraint, self-examination, forgiveness, assuming the best of others, and avoiding gossip. For example, in chapter 5, Ehman describes leaving the premises but “not the relationship” when dealing with hurtful comments, and then frames the ongoing response as forgiveness (pp. 91–92). She also advises readers to “believe the best before we assume the worst” when conflict arises (p. 92). Later, in the chapter on gossip, she urges readers to ask whether what they are saying is kind, true, and necessary, and warns that gossip “betrays confidences” (pp. 125–126).
One representative quote:
“We should believe the best before we assume the worst.”
— Keep It Shut, p. 92
That may be wise advice for normal misunderstandings. But in an abusive relationship, it can be dangerous. A victim of abuse often already assumes the best, gives grace, forgives, minimizes, stays quiet, and questions her own motives. She does not primarily need another reminder to be tenderhearted, tough-skinned, or careful not to speak negatively about someone. She needs clarity about her own safety.
A person being abused needs to be able to name coercion, degradation, deceit, sexual abuse, intimidation, and danger truthfully. She may need safe outside help, documentation, advocacy, legal and medical resources, and a safety plan. In some cases, she needs separation or divorce.
Telling a pastor, counselor, domestic violence advocate, attorney, doctor, police officer, trusted friend, or family member about abuse is not gossip. It is disclosure. It is help-seeking. It may be life-saving.
My concern is not that every sentence in this book is bad. My concern is that the framework is not abuse-aware. Applied to normal relationship friction, it may help. Applied to a destructive marriage, it may make it harder for the harmed spouse to recognize the problem clearly, tell the truth, seek protection, and leave when necessary.
May 26, 2024
I feel like there is a chapter (or two) for everyone. Some chapters really convicted me in my reactions. Definitely recommend reading it!
January 9, 2015
Whether you enter every room mouth-first or just struggle with an angry outburst from time to time;
Whether you habitually turn the prayer chain into a gossip group or just lapse occasionally into insecurity-fed flattery;
Wherever you fall on the sliding continuum of the blab-o-meter, you’ve undoubtedly wished, at some point in your life, when it comes to your mouth, that you could just Keep It Shut!
Karen Ehman has earned the right to issue a stern warning concerning the use of words by transparently sharing her own history of open-mouth-insert-foot. Grounded in Scripture, Keep It Shut confirms that a problem with the mouth begins in the mind and in the heart. Gracious words spring from a heart that is “laced with grace,” a quality that comes straight from God who kindly sets the example with His ultimate compassion. To reinforce the influence of the mind over the mouth, Karen has compiled a collection of Scripture verses on the right use of words which can be photocopied for memorization and meditation.
Don’t by fooled by the old standard, “Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?” because even if your comment passes the truth test, motives count, and they are “weighed by the Lord” (Proverbs 16:2). Among the many helpful check-lists in the book is a list of questions for examining motives before speaking.
In the digital age, our fingers can do the talking for us, making it even more urgent that we recognize when it’s time to be quiet. In fact, one of the most thoughtful suggestions in this very practical book deals with confidentiality. When handling a particularly sensitive issue involving a friend, Karen texted the reassurance that she would not be talking about the situation to anyone other than God, and then reminded her friend that she was praying and available if needed. As difficult as it may be for a “talker” to imagine, sometimes the most helpful thing a friend can say is nothing.
However, godly speech is not an excuse for wimping out when there is hard truth that needs saying. Instead, she who would speak the truth in love “must find the fulcrum — the pivot point that balances gentle honesty with hard truth enveloped in love.” The truth is that death to self is the only antidote to “angry mama mouth,” and it is the only fire extinguisher for the flames caused by “the gasoline queen.” “See in it a chance to die,” said Amy Carmichael whenever one of her orphanage staff complained about the cost of discipleship, and a costly discipleship it is when a natural -born talker has to weigh the impact of all those words.
Used rightly, however, words are a gift, and Keep It Shut ends on a blessedly positive note with many suggestions for using words to build up and not to tear down. I have already recorded one of Karen’s ideas in my planner for use during Lent, and her final chapter and appendices beautifully capture the challenge of any spiritual discipline. There is the old behavior which needs to be cast off, and there is the new Christ-exalting behavior which, by the Spirit, we are empowered to put on. In maintaining a mouth that glorifies God, not only must we be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” We must also be quick to use “gracious words [which] are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
Disclosure: This book was provided by BookLookBloggers in exchange for my unbiased review.
Whether you habitually turn the prayer chain into a gossip group or just lapse occasionally into insecurity-fed flattery;
Wherever you fall on the sliding continuum of the blab-o-meter, you’ve undoubtedly wished, at some point in your life, when it comes to your mouth, that you could just Keep It Shut!
Karen Ehman has earned the right to issue a stern warning concerning the use of words by transparently sharing her own history of open-mouth-insert-foot. Grounded in Scripture, Keep It Shut confirms that a problem with the mouth begins in the mind and in the heart. Gracious words spring from a heart that is “laced with grace,” a quality that comes straight from God who kindly sets the example with His ultimate compassion. To reinforce the influence of the mind over the mouth, Karen has compiled a collection of Scripture verses on the right use of words which can be photocopied for memorization and meditation.
Don’t by fooled by the old standard, “Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?” because even if your comment passes the truth test, motives count, and they are “weighed by the Lord” (Proverbs 16:2). Among the many helpful check-lists in the book is a list of questions for examining motives before speaking.
In the digital age, our fingers can do the talking for us, making it even more urgent that we recognize when it’s time to be quiet. In fact, one of the most thoughtful suggestions in this very practical book deals with confidentiality. When handling a particularly sensitive issue involving a friend, Karen texted the reassurance that she would not be talking about the situation to anyone other than God, and then reminded her friend that she was praying and available if needed. As difficult as it may be for a “talker” to imagine, sometimes the most helpful thing a friend can say is nothing.
However, godly speech is not an excuse for wimping out when there is hard truth that needs saying. Instead, she who would speak the truth in love “must find the fulcrum — the pivot point that balances gentle honesty with hard truth enveloped in love.” The truth is that death to self is the only antidote to “angry mama mouth,” and it is the only fire extinguisher for the flames caused by “the gasoline queen.” “See in it a chance to die,” said Amy Carmichael whenever one of her orphanage staff complained about the cost of discipleship, and a costly discipleship it is when a natural -born talker has to weigh the impact of all those words.
Used rightly, however, words are a gift, and Keep It Shut ends on a blessedly positive note with many suggestions for using words to build up and not to tear down. I have already recorded one of Karen’s ideas in my planner for use during Lent, and her final chapter and appendices beautifully capture the challenge of any spiritual discipline. There is the old behavior which needs to be cast off, and there is the new Christ-exalting behavior which, by the Spirit, we are empowered to put on. In maintaining a mouth that glorifies God, not only must we be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” We must also be quick to use “gracious words [which] are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
Disclosure: This book was provided by BookLookBloggers in exchange for my unbiased review.
December 11, 2025
Honestly such a good book for Christians trying to grow in all aspects! I recommend reading with a friend and discussing after each chapter to get multiple perspectives. I learned a lot about the power of the tongue and plan to utilize it.
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