Redemptive Divorce: A Biblical Process That Offers Guidance for the Suffering Partner, Healing for the Offending Spouse, and the Best Catalyst for Restoration

by Mark W. Gaither

A graceful, biblical way to reclaim sanity for the home and dignity for the suffering spouse in a dysfunctional or dangerous marriage. Thousands of conscientious believers wanting to honor the sacred vows they took before God suffer in dysfunctional, even dangerous marriages. Each and every day they must choose between the lesser of two evils: divorce without sound biblical support or a life of perpetual, unrelenting misery. Somewhere between the secular disregard for the commands of Christ and the sacred unwillingness to deal with real problems of people, there is a way. The redemptive divorce process is designed to honor the sacredness of the union while offering practical relief for the suffering partner and tough love for the offending spouse. In some cases, it might even be the catalyst for the restoration and rebuilding of the marriage. Practical, provocative, and utterly unique, Redemptive Divorce includes a helpful guide with worksheets for implementation.

176 pages, Paperback

First published August 12, 2008

Reviews

[Neil Richardson · Rating 2 out of 5]

You can tell that Mark Gaither, like many of us, sadly, has 'been there'. You can tell that he wanted to make his marriage work, and that he wanted to follow God's Word. In 'Redemptive Divorce' he offers an innovative solution to failing marriages, what he calls 'the Best Catalyst for Restoration'. He proposes that the 'upright spouse' (and it's not always that cut and dry, is it?) files for divorce against their abusive/alcoholic/unfaithful/gambling, etc. spouse. The purpose of this application is not its stated aim (divorce), but rather its opposite (reconciliation). Although a case could be made from Hosea and God himself sending away Gomer (Israel) in order to bring about some kind of repentance, there doesn't seem to be any New Testament encouragement to use the threat of a divorce as some kind of leverage to bring about repentance. A critical flaw with the 'go to the courts to get your wandering (Christian) spouse to repent' approach is that it flies in the face of 1 Corinthians 6:1-11 which explicitly encourages us to get the local church involved. This entire book is on the whole somewhat individualistic and separates out the believer from the local expression of Christ's body. There is very little about bringing the matter to brothers and sisters and elders for their assistance in resolving marital issues.
Jesus is faithful to his Bride, the Church, and the teaching of the New Testament seems to be stay faithful to your spouse as far as they are willing to stay with you (1 Corinthians 7:12-14) and are prepared not to violate your marriage through infidelity (Matthew 19:9) with the possible provision for separation (1 Corinthians 7:10,11 - in the case of abuse?). There is no encouragement for the NT believer to use divorce as a mechanism for reconciliation.

[Carrie Daws · Rating 5 out of 5]

When does divorce actually happen? When the state declares it so, or when an unrepentant spouse repeatedly chooses their sin over the marriage? Mark Gaither argues the second, then lays out a plan based on how the court system actually functions (rather than how they should or we wished they'd function) to provide the best hope for a restored marriage. This is not a process for someone who wants to enact revenge nor will it be easy for a hurting spouse to walk through. But I read a lot of encouragement and power in these pages. This is a process that church leaders, as well as friends close to a suffering marriage, should consider.

[Mark Gaither · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is a great book! (My publisher likes it when I say that.) :-)

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought there were some good ideas and considerations in this book. I appreciated the author's short but valid consideration of what makes a marriage a marriage. I also like that he took a high view of Scripture and didn't water Scripture down to suggest divorce for any and every reason. I found his teaching of redemptive divorce (given the caveats and limited situations with the author himself puts forward) to be intriguing, and I can see the potential good that it offers in seeking the restoration of the marriage while not penalizing the spouse who has been hurt and sinned against.

[Shua Wilmot · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very thoughtful process towards reconciliation and/or peace. Would recommend to anyone who cares about someone in a struggling marriage (including themselves). However, I don't love the terms "offending partner" and "upright spouse."

[Matt Soderstrum · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would strongly recommend someone read this book prior to filing for divorce. It is a good look at how to seek restoration and redemption in a difficult marriage.