How to F*ck a Woman

by Ali Adler

Brazen, uproarious, slyly prescriptive, and always entertaining, Ali Adler is a sex and relationship guru who knows what women want. As a gay woman, she has both the equipment and the experience to give straight men (and the women who love them) advice on both how to get more sex and how to get this job done right.

In her day job as a comedy writer and TV producer, Ali is sometimes the only woman in a room full of comedy writers. She became legendary for offering frank, sometimes insightful, often bossy reality checks and for translating female sexuality into words a man could understand.

In her book, How to F*ck a Woman -- 20 percent explicit instructions, 80 percent relationship advice, and 100 percent hilarious -- she brings together essential advice for men (even the ones who insist they could write this book) and the women who want their lovers to truly understand them, both mind and body.

With illustrations by New Yorker cartoonist Liza Donnelly.

Genres: Feminism, Psychology, Nonfiction

272 pages, Hardcover

First published May 5, 2015

Reviews

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Disclaimer: I received a free ARC from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

Ok. So. I don't need to know how to fuck a woman but I noticed that it was written by a lesbian so I was curious. I started flipping through the book & ending up reading it over the weekend.

It's crass, crude, & full of curse words...but...it's also humorous & contains some pretty solid advice that a lot of men need.

It's not just about how to fuck a woman. It contains advice on dating, wanting the woman you have, how to treat a woman & lots more.

One of the most useful sections is title "What Women Never Want to Hear". I found myself agreeing with most of it but my favorite was this little tidbit:
"Never say-I mean, never say any version of: "Relax/calm down/you're so emotional." "I can't understand you when you're like this." "You're too emotional." "What the hell are you crying about?" "Oh God. Stop crying. Stop it." "I can't listen to the crying." "I can't trust anything that comes out of your mouth four days a month." Any variation of this riff isn't good for you or your penis."
As a woman, this seems like common sense but it always shocks me how men just don't understand that telling us to calm down only makes us angrier. It shocks me even more that they don't learn that after the first couple of times they do it. I mean. Has a woman ever calmed down just because a guy said "Calm down. You're being too emotional."? I never have. My response is always the same "Shut up asshole. I have feelings. It would do you a world of good to take your feelings out of that box you keep them locked up in & acknowledge them on occasion."
Of course, this usually leads to the guy calling me a bitch...which should also be on the list of things to never say to a woman.

One of my favorite sections is titled "The Grown-up Version of the Gold Sticker" & contains a list of close to 50 things that a man can do for his woman that will improve his sexual status. It includes things like:
-Remember the kind of ice cream she loves both. Buy 2 pints. Eat neither.
-Clean out the fridge of all the disgusting, old, outdated, moldy things.
-On the off chance that you ever let her drive, keep your opinions to yourself.
The book should come with a laminated copy of this list to put on your fridge.

There's a chapter dedicated to how to correctly & kindly break up with women. I want to send a lot of men the pages in this chapter.

It does contain a chapter at the end just for women. It doesn't really contain anything we haven't heard before...don't be too picky but have standards, don't try to change your guy, don't assume he understands you, blah, blah, blah. This was my least favorite chapter.

The advice is solid enough that I passed the book on to my 19 yr old son...much to his embarrassment. ;-)

[wade · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, this book really is about the title on a lot of different levels. The author informs us that as a lesbian she can give advice from both the male and female perspectives. The honest truth is that there is a lot of practical information about not just the title but for relationships in general bridging the gap between the genders. The main theme is that women want to be listened to and understood and men see themselves as problem solvers always offering solutions. Women don't want solutions and a sympathetic ear is the way to their hearts etc. Also, men want immediate gratification and women want a slow build up across the board. Good tips for both married and single men and women.

[Megan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. If it weren't for the egregious errors I noticed in just the first half-hour of reading, I might have given this three stars. While the potential is there for something truly funny, interesting, and helpful, it relies too heavily on tropes, lazy writing, and poor attempts at humor. This book clearly would have benefited from better editing, and not just so we don't all have to cringe when the author tells us about how she "could care less" about something. It felt rambly and poorly executed for most of the first chapters, and the few bright spots in the content mostly happen at the end of the book. As a women, I can't speak to whether or not this is helpful for men. I personally don't feel like she captured the inner workings of women in any groundbreaking way, but your mileage may vary.

[Sara]

No. Full of wrong ideas and baseless generalizations. I didn't waste time on it.
The writer hasn't take the job seriously, so perhaps neither should we readers.
پر از اشتباه‌های متنوع فکری و پدرسالارانه.
اول می‌گه هر بدنی متفاوته، ولی در ادامه تعمیم‌هایی راجع به همه چیز پیش می‌ذاره.
اصرار داره که گوش دادن به زنان خیلی مهمه، ولی نمی‌گه که اون اتصال عاطفی باید منجر به شناخت بشه.
جنیتالیا رو با جنسیت یکی گرفته.
به جنسیت‌ها مجموعه‌ای از خصوصیات رو اساین کرده،‌ بعد روی همین بنیان پوچ ادوایس ساخته. مثلاً این درجات مختلف پیچیدگی ذهنی در اروزال میان «زنان» و «مردان». مگه سال۱۹۲۲ئه آخه؟
سکس اجوکیشن مهمه، ولی واقعاً باید درست انجام بشه. این به کی کمک می‌کنه آخه؟
So apparently I would read anything just to get distracted and not to study for my upcoming big exam, even things I'm sure beforehand would annoy me, or cheap takes on serious subjects, or even something a producer of freaking Family Guy has written. But well, I like thinking and reading and talking about sex, so here we are.

[Diana · Rating 2 out of 5]

Let me start: I first hated this book. The point seems to make genuinely useless, straight men actually care for their female partners but the advice was given in a very confusing manner. It borders the line of actually respect her or pretend enough to be guaranteed sex with her. And I think it was presented in a very graceful manner that men may think this is what I need to do before being able to fuck her while engraining in them the seed to actually understanding her, and wanting to make sex something that isn't only about him.

At first it seemed a very offensive way to "trick" women that a man cares about her but really it is quite genius. Men: you need to be connecting with her emotionally if you want to connect with her sexually. Wow, was that so hard?

The end gives a quick note to women on how to avoid such men who won't even give the minimum and only take, that was was very emotive and honest. Really enjoyed reading this section

But as a wlw, reading a book about this topic I'd expected a bit more finesse. There are genuinely beautiful moments where Ali Adler shares her own connections with women that provide a simple balance between what the men in her life are doing with women and what she's is doing with women. . . I guess I didn't hate this book as much as I thought.

[Yisrael Dubov · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is incredibly dangerous and straight up misleading!

First, the semantics. The book is called "How to F*ck a Woman", yet there is only one chapter dedicated to this very topic!!

Secondly, the entire basis for this book is based on the premise that men want sex and only sex. Because of this premise, the author proceeds to advise men on how to get sex by pretending to be interested in their women - which is not only inaccurate, but undeniably degrading toward men! That's horrible!! I'm sorry, but just because you're a woman, that does not give you automatic expertise in men/women relationships, especially if you're gay! You need to, A. understand men and women from a psychological point of view so that you actually have authority to say "this is what men tend to think and feel" and not just using anecdotal evidence you've seen from your very small circle of friends; and B. learn how to talk to men! Don't tell us we're pigs and then expect us to listen.

As of right now, this book is highly degrading, demoralizing, and belittling for men, possibly making many of us feel inadequate, inferior, and hopeless. I beg the man who wishes for a book on relationships and sex to pick up "The Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida for a much more uplifting, comprehensive, and insightful read on men, women, and sex.

As for this book, I give it 2 stars for her writing ability, but take 3 stars off for her lack of research, her self righteous attitude, and her offering of misinformation!

[Valerie Anne]

I'm not going to rate this book, because as I mentioned earlier, I'm not the target audience. 95% of this book is very specifically for men who like women and women who like men. It was pretty repetitive at times and made a lot of sweeping generalizations that I didn't always agree with, and I think a lot of those generalizations were very West Coast-oriented without realizing it. But I enjoyed reading a book written by a woman who didn't shy away from using 'fuck' and 'clit' to her heart's content. I also can relate to the concept of straddling the line between straight men and straight women; having enough in common with each that sometimes they see me as the bridge between them. I also relate to being able to give advice I don't take. Overall, a decent read, pretty funny, but again, definitely not meant for me, someone who is a lesbian 100% of the time.

John Stamos was definitely the best part of this book.

[Ladz · Rating 4 out of 5]

This candid account of relationship roadblocks to better sex is, admittedly, not for everyone. It can be vulgar, it can be slightly offensive to people who know better, but Adler demonstrates an understanding of a trope of man that still permeates the realm of sitcoms and pop media. I found it helpful in terms of starting a discussion about how we should instruct partners to not only be better partners in order to achieve better sex but better for everyone around them. This book encompasses all phases of relationships, from dating to commitment and even breakups. I did chuckle several times. Definitely recommended for individuals who want to get the perspective from someone who has been on both ends of loving women.

[Patrycja · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found this book too vulgar. Every page contains the word " f* ck" minimum 5 times.
It's far away from " Men are from Mars, women are from Venus". I thought it is going to be funny " manual" for guys, but its just annoying. If guys will actually read it I would like to know their opinion. Was it helpful? I honestly can't imagine that.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Ali Adler uses funny, blunt, sarcastic, and maybe offensive language, though she pretty much has the male thought process in dating/relationships down and reminds the reader to grasp some empathy (from whichever perspective).

[Joshua · Rating 3 out of 5]

ok

[Matthew Tison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Title caught my eye but turned me off... Read a bit in the store and liked her writing style... WOW, Awesome read!!!

[Jenna · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was okay, especially if you don't take yourself too seriously. It was not funny in a stand-up comedy kind of way, but poked fun at some uncomfortable realities of male/female sexual relationships. I was a little disappointed at the author's perspective which pitted the two sexes against each other in a way that made it seem like women always have to be convinced to give up sex. Advice to lie or otherwise be disingenuous may get people laid on occasion, but will certainly not strengthen a relationship, so it's not a long-term game as the author suggests. If you have more than one brain cell, you might find your intelligence insulted through most of this book. There are some (hopefully obvious) truths contained within it though.

[Tony · Rating 1 out of 5]

In which the author repeatedly states that she is a woman, has sex with women, and that knowing this the reader should subsequently regard her as an expert on the topic. I wouldn't in principle disagree, but for the fact that nothing is substance seems to follow these claims. After reading this book, I don't seem to have acquired any profound insights about the title topic.

[Kbg503 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Will keep this book around as a nice pep-talk on relationships.

[Suzi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Loved the title and premise of this book, it’s easy reading, easy to implement advice about relationships. Ignore the provocative title and read it!!

[Felicia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

3.5-4

”The list to keep a relationship afloat appears to be endless and time consuming and taxing. You may ask, “How am I supposed to remember all this stuff?” Well, know this: if you don’t, she will. It will accrue in the form of resentment. It’s not her job or desire to spend time with you alone and to get a babysitter and to make a goddamned restaurant reservation or purchase movie tickets in advance. You can do all these things, too. And if you do, the resentment accrual will be slightly washed away.”


So I read the blurb for this book and thought “Hey, why not?”. I may learn a thing or two I can pass on to the husband or better yet get him to read the damn book if it’s that insightful. It was interesting but not quite what I had anticipated before reading.

There is a lot of information in the book about what kind of woman to look for, ways to keep sex relevant in your relationship, communication, and a little about how to actually please a woman. (according to Adler) I found most of the issues Adler described to be spot on. I felt like she got what many women feel they are lacking and want their significant other to work on. I found her humor to be a refreshing additive.

”A bonus piece of advice for women: stop faking orgasms. How are men ever going to learn how to do it if you falsely reward them?”


One of my favorite parts of the book is an interview with John Stamos. (Who doesn’t love John Stamos?!)

The main downfall to me was it felt repetitive after a while. We kept coming back to the men need to listen and pay attention concept.

Overall I did enjoy reading it and felt that Adler presented it in a way that would appeal to many.

[Chris - Quarter Press Editor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honestly, I don't fully know what compelled me to buy and read this. But I was so amused by the summary and blurb from John Stamos--yes, THAT John Stamos--I figured, Why not?

There are some things that bothered me here, and I can see why it may rub others the wrong way. Adler's audience seems to be the "Bro" male in terms of the lingo and style. And while, yes, Adler pokes small jibes at saying things like, "No, you may not be into sports or app games, but insert WHATEVER distracts you." And this does work, but it still makes the style / audience feel off in that--bad as it may make me sound--I can't imagine many bro-like males picking up such a book to read.

So, while the content is good in many ways, the presentation is off--even if it is still amusing.

In the end, it did offer some great insights into the opposite sex in terms of thoughts / behavior / reactions, which I found invaluable. And it also showed me how often my own behavior seems to alternate between a man's typical reaction and a woman's. Not sure what that means, but it was still a good self-discovery for me.

Along those lines of self-discovery, too, it helped me see how much I need to Grow the F*ck Up. Perhaps that can be her sequel.

[Cathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book from Netgalley in return for an honest review.

This isn't my usual genre but I was intrigued by the blurb and gave it a go. I love the concept of a gay female passing on her knowledge to men. Not just sexual knowledge, but also a little about keeping the relationship fresh and positive. All of this delivered with humour. I would probably urge you to give it a miss if you have an ounce of prudishness about you although the title will probably tell you that anyway.

[Zuzka Jakúbková · Rating 5 out of 5]

Witty insider guide to intimacy with women. Ali Adler delivers just as a practiced writer should - with humour and confidence, thus drawing the reader in even on the more difficult topics.

Excellent birthday gift for most of your male friends.

[Jane Menard · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very good book from a fresh perspective: a lesbian who knows a lot about female genitalia and women's emotional needs gives good advice on how to get along with women and how to pleasure them. She makes progress in answering that eternal question: What does a woman want?

[Jennifer · Rating 1 out of 5]

Skip it