Transforming Toddlerhood: How to Handle Tantrums, End Power Struggles, and Raise Resilient Kids---Without Losing Your Mind

by Devon Kuntzman

Navigating Practical Solutions for Everyday Challenges

Founder of the online community, Transforming Toddlerhood, Devon Kuntzman’s Transforming Toddlerhood isn’t just another parenting guide—it’s a lifeline for parents in the thick of the toddler years. This book isn’t about taming toddlers or imposing rigid rules. Instead, it’s about transforming the way we view and interact with our little ones during one of the most critical phases of their development. Devon draws on her years of experience working with families across the globe, weaving together practical strategies, developmental science, and real-life anecdotes to create a resource that’s as insightful as it is accessible.

In Transforming Toddlerhood, you’ll find bite-sized chapters, each packed with actionable advice designed to help you tackle the everyday challenges of parenting a toddler. From surviving tantrums to encouraging independence, Devon covers it all with a focus on connection, setting limits, and teaching essential life skills. But what sets this book apart is its emphasis on working with your child’s development, not against it. By understanding and respecting your toddler’s unique growth journey, you’ll be better equipped to guide them through challenges in a way that honors their developmental stage and fosters long-term growth.

With features like “Toddler Tips,” expert contributions, and scripts for tricky situations, Transforming Toddlerhood is a trusted companion you can turn to when the going gets tough. Whether you’re navigating bedtime battles, handling sibling rivalry, or dealing with mealtime chaos, Devon’s warm, compassionate approach will guide you through it all, helping you turn moments of frustration into opportunities for connection and growth.

Ultimately, Transforming Toddlerhood is about more than just surviving the toddler years—it’s about thriving in them. It’s about rediscovering the magic of these early years, building a deeper bond with your child, and experiencing the joy and confidence that comes from knowing you’ve got the tools to handle whatever toddlerhood throws your way, all while working in harmony with your child’s natural development.

Transforming Toddlerhood will teach families how

Have practical solutions for everyday challenges using positive, effective, developmentally appropriate discipline tools; Set realistic expectations for their toddler’s behavior; Feel more confident and empowered even when faced with challenging behaviors like hitting and tantrums; Meet their child’s needs without their boundaries being crossed and set limits and follow through, even if their toddler says “No”; Understand toddler communication and behavior on a deeper level; Support their toddler in coping with the excitement and challenges of new experiences; End the battle of wills and experience less frustration and more cooperation; Parent with a toddler’s development not against it.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Self Help

Audible Audio

Published October 21, 2025

About the author

Devon Kuntzman, PCC is a powerhouse in modern parenting and is on a mission to dispel the myth that toddlerhood is a “terrible” stage.

Known as the original toddler parenting coach on Instagram and trusted by over 1 million parents and caregivers worldwide, she is dedicated to changing the narrative around toddlerhood.

Through her company, Transforming Toddlerhood, she’s built a vibrant and close-knit community of parents and offers a lifeline of science-based, easy-to-implement tools, from courses to workshops and an annual conference, to navigate tantrums, power struggles, and emotional development with confidence and joy.

Devon is an ICF-Certified coach with a degree in psychology and child development. She has Gentle Sleep Coaching credentials under her belt and is a graduate of the Wonder Weeks Academy Infant Mental Health and Development program.

Her debut book, Transforming Toddlerhood (Harper Horizon, Oct. 21, 2025), is the comprehensive parenting manual for every toddler challenge, meant for caregivers with children aged 1-5. Filled with bite-sized, actionable advice, toddler tips, behavior red flags, and real-world scripts, the book blends developmental science with real life to empower parents to navigate the ups and downs of toddlerhood with more calm and connection.

Devon’s diverse experience ranges from coaching parents to being a former high-profile nanny, and to
even managing an orphanage in Rwanda.

Reviews

[Amethyst Maxey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am in the throws of toddlerhood as we speak. My son will be 2 in 11 days. A lot of this book designated with me. I really needed to understand that him
Being naughty is testing limits or his way of communicating as he doesn’t speak too much yet. I also needed to recheck myself as a parent and not parent how I was parented. This book has lots of tips and tricks and helpful information.

[Camille · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm really grateful to have won a copy of this book. I've followed Devon's instagram page for years and know that I trust her approach, but I really prefer the format of this book rather than The Feed. Being able to look up the issue I'm currently focusing on, rather than feeling overwhelmed by random new tips, works better for me and my limited headspace.

Devon's writing in this book is positive, gentle, and thorough. The basis of her technique is fostering connection and supporting natural brain development. I haven't yet run into a parenting issue that isn't addressed here (besides trauma-informed foster parenting, but that's really a different category). I love being able to pick up this book, written by someone whose methods I like and trust, rather than sifting through 8 to 10 Google articles and all the mental fatigue and discouragement that brings.

5 stars from me, and 5 stars from my brilliant, headstrong, boundary-pushing 4-year-old, who has enjoyed more connection and less arguing since this book arrived. ♥️

[Sara Mandich]

I think this is my favorite parenting book I’ve read for raising toddlers. I feel like you’ve heard a lot of this advice already but it’s nice to have a little reminder, and some examples for how to respond in certain situations. Also a nice reminder that sometimes we start expecting too much from our little ones!

[Sefra Hodge Hudman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good parenting book! Nothing new from what I have learned in college, but would be really helpful for someone who has never had child development or parenting classes!

Helpful scripts and techniques that I have used and plan to use! Not perfect but a good goal for parents!

[Halie Uhlig · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel like every parent would benefit from reading parts of this book. I’ve already used multiple tips given

[Erin Entringer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some really good - some really bad. Every “modern” parenting book seems to help parents produce a tiny narcissist. This book does a good job pointing out the flaws of old school parenting advice. However, some of the advice the author gives instead feels so bent on making sure everything is “perfect” for my toddler’s emotional needs at the expense of everyone/thing else. Apologizing, using manners, and sharing are not negotiable in my family. I don’t care if I turn my child into a people-pleaser. Our world would be a lot better if more people thought about the feelings of others, and worked hard to live up to the positive “labels” people give them.

[Rachel Oliver · Rating 5 out of 5]

I learned so much from this book! Such a great guide to toddlerhood for parents.
The book is so organized and covers all things from learning about discipline and how to handle tantrums to building confidence and teaching manners plus so much more. She truly hits on every topic you could think of! The chapters are short and easy to read one here and there without getting too bogged down in the information.
She gives real life example of situations and how to handle them along with specific examples of things to say -and also the “why” of how parenting certain ways is better for toddlers developing brains.
Such a practical book! I’m so glad I’ve read it before my daughter got too deep into her toddlerhood. I feel so equipped and empowered as a mom! Highly recommend!!

[Ruth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every parent or caregiver of a toddler needs this book.
It is a gift that Devon has put her knowledge and expertise into a book. This book is written from the heart of a Mum who is understanding of life with a toddler and the mind of a professional of toddler development and behaviour as a result this book offers practical, realistic strategies that work. The layout of the book itself is easy to follow and can either be read cover to cover or can be used as a quick reference in those tricky toddler moments when time is short.

[Tayla Vowles · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was just what I needed. It showed me that I’m doing okay. As a first time mother, just starting into early toddlerhood- this was so helpful mentally. I recommend this to any FTMs or just someone who feels like they need some help during these times.

[Katrina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Would highly recommend for other toddler parents. nice focused chapters on specific topics so easy to flip around and reference at a later date. already have put this to practice and I'm feeling better about this phase of life ❤️

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

super thankful for this book 🫶🏻✨

[Ginny Yurich · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everything you ever needed to know about toddlerhood!! Soooo helpful!

[Steven · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is probably the parenting book that has aligned the most with how I already wanted to parent, while also giving me a better understanding of why toddlers act the way they do.

My biggest takeaway was to stop asking, "How do I stop this behavior?" and instead ask, "What is my toddler trying to communicate?" Toddlers aren't manipulative—they're still learning how to handle big emotions with an unfinished brain. My job isn't to control him; it's to guide him.

Some of the ideas that really stuck with me:

Connect before correcting. Help your child feel understood before trying to teach a lesson. During a meltdown, calm first and teach later. You can't reason with a dysregulated toddler. Discipline should teach skills, not punish. Redirect, explain, and show what they can do instead. Every behavior is communication. Ask "Why?" before reacting. Let toddlers participate in real life. Even if they only do 1% of the task, they're building confidence and independence. Make transitions easier by giving them a job, making it playful, and talking about what comes next instead of relying on time limits they don't understand. Praise effort and persistence instead of labels like "You're so smart." Teach consent early by respecting "stop," not forcing hugs, and modeling body autonomy. Don't force sharing or apologies—help kids understand empathy so those actions become genuine. Confidence comes from trying hard things, making mistakes, and trying again.

The chapter on welcoming a new baby was especially helpful with another child on the way, and I also appreciated the discussion about using honest, age-appropriate language when talking about death instead of confusing euphemisms.

The biggest change I've made is trying to include my son in as many real-life activities as possible instead of doing everything for him. Whether it's helping with tools, cooking, yard work, or simple chores, I'd rather let him struggle a little now so he grows into a capable, curious, confident adult later.

Overall, this book reminded me that I'm not raising a well-behaved toddler—I'm raising the future adult he'll become.

[Katy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been following Devon Kuntzman and Transforming Toddlerhood since before I even had a toddler. Her content has always been spot on and full of useful takeaways that I could put into practice right away. When I heard she was writing a book, I had to join the launch team and I devoured the pdf pre-release copy of the book. This book is put together in a way that the biggest chunk of it is a reference book. For me, being able to read specific topics that relate to what my family and I are going through right now is a game changer. I immediately turned to the chapter on brushing teeth (page 270) and put into effect the script and mindset that we are all in this together! When I said to my toddler "It seems you don't want to brush your teeth" (instead of forcing the toothbrush in his mouth) it totally changed our interaction and we came up with a better way to brush teeth.

I highly recommend any parent (or grandparent or caregiver) grab this book and dig it. Devon says in her book "You make the biggest difference in your child's life when they are having the toughest time" (page 39) and then she shows you how to connect with empathy and adjust your expectations to be developmentally appropriate for your toddler.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won a free copy of this in a Goodreads giveaway. Here is my honest review.

I read this from the perspective of someone who doesn't have children and isn't expecting any. There's no book I won't read, and even though this clearly wasn't written with me in mind, there was plenty to learn from it. I can now have greater confidence in interacting with a child in this age range if I ever have the opportunity to.

This book went over the proper ways to deal with toddler tantrums. It also did a good job explaining their level of development at certain ages, as well as what they're capable of managing or understanding at their current level, so you don't end up having unrealistic expectations of their behavior.

It does a good job modeling a positive parenting style over a permissive or controlling one: one where the child can communicate what they feel and want, but one in which you still have control and can impose some level of discipline.

An informative read for anyone actually raising a toddler.

[Greg Talbot · Rating 5 out of 5]

Never did I think, as a parent, that it would be the child saying “NO” more than me.

Transforming Toddlerhood is an excellent read for anyone navigating those difficult early years. The transformative effects of centering “the connection” seem to be one of the pillars of the book.
I picked up some really useful ideas about sharing toys, modeling sharing behavior, and using vocabulary that builds connection instead of demanding compliance. It really helped me think through the behaviors of toddlers—their big emotions and recalcitrance—through a more generous perspective of early development.

Devon's design work is fantasic. Excellent blocking of the text and compartmenitzation of the chapters into digestible sections. Reading over a longer span of time, or as a reference guide is probably the best method.

I recommend checking it out, if only to give all of us parents some reassurance during this naturally difficult time.

[Abigail · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very comprehensive and jam-packed book (for example, it has information like how to end toothbrushing struggles!). I like that it has so many practical ideas on how to help your toddler navigate life! It is a lot thicker than I expected but the pages are designed in a very eye-friendly way that keep it from feeling like a long read.
I do feel like some of the advice is contradictory, which is why I knocked one star off. I also feel like she promotes more talking than is really helpful for toddlers (toddlers can't reason and so over-talking often just confuses them - Dr. Karp has written a lot on this in his book.) But overall it's a very good book with a lot of good principles for the average toddler!
As a mom of a 20-month old, I highly recommend you read this book! You will be enlightened on your toddler's behavior and reassured that they are very normal!

[Virginija Lk · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's a great book. It took me a few good months to go through it. I'm already applying quite a few things, like choices, redirecting, getting to my child's level, including her in family tasks, etc. And you know what, it's working!
I'm so glad to see not only my child but us as parents growing!
Truly recommend reading this book. Even months after going through it, it can stay in your library as a guide. It is split into topics, like how to address winning, crying, aggression and others, so anytime you feel stuck or frustrated you can just check that topic and rethink your ways of handling specific situations.

I noticed that a lot of strategies or tips sort of repeat, like staying calm, validating, redirecting and etc. Not sure if I missed it but would be nice to have a broader conclusion connecting all the chapters.

[Lauren Adams · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an amazing wealth of information for anyone who takes care of a toddler! I am so impressed by the depth of information covered, yet it is presented in a way that is approachable and not at all overwhelming. As a mom, I have found loads of helpful advice about setting and holding clear boundaries. And as a pediatric occupational therapist I was so impressed by her section on sensory processing! I love that I can open the book to any section when I have a spare moment, it does not have to be read in sequence from cover to cover. Devon is really a top-notch source of information when it comes to toddler parenting.

[Haleigh Glascock · Rating 5 out of 5]

Transforming Toddlerhood is an essential read for any parent navigating the rollercoaster of life with toddlers. The book provides practical, easy-to-implement strategies for managing tantrums, power struggles, and all those unpredictable toddler moments with greater calm and confidence.
What I loved most is how the author simplifies the science behind toddler behavior — explaining it in a relatable, down-to-earth way without any confusing jargon. It’s insightful, reassuring, and filled with tools you can start using right away.
I highly recommend it to any parent looking to feel more confident, connected, and empowered while raising their little ones!

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a fantastic read. If you read David Yeagers "10 to 25" and thought "dang, I wish they made this book for toddlers" THIS IS THAT VERY BOOK. This was such an insightful book about how to talk to toddlers through every stage of their being, through every little thing that can come up, from potty learning to sharing, to new siblings to picky eating, this book covers it all. Kuntzman also does it in a quick and digestible way that for busy parents who don't have time to sit down and read a 20 page chapter to get the good stuff, this gives you the bullet points with scripts of exactly what to say and do. Fantastic read and highly recommend to all my new parent friends

[Hethyr · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars, rounded up. I very much like the concepts in this book, but I don’t feel like I learned anything new since I have read Dr. Becky Kennedy’s book “Good Inside” and am part of that online parenting community. I feel like this book doesn’t have as many useful tools, and it was a bit frustrating when the author labeled the behavior of high-needs kids like mine who have trouble regulating their emotions as a “red flag” and suggested seeing a pediatric occupational therapist (which we are doing). I had hoped there would be additional ideas and tools that I could use. A worthwhile read, but just not what I had hoped overall.

[Hillary Khodari · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just have to say thank you to Devon and her team!! This book is intended for toddlers (1-5), and I even find the advice still helpful for my oldest who is past toddler stage! I have always loved Devon’s courses, and as a book ambassador, I was able to read this book before launch day. It’s exactly what I was hoping for! It has bite-sized chapters that are so easy to read (and you don’t have to read them in order - you could choose any topic)! Especially love all of the specific examples throughout (so that you actually understand how to apply the lessons!) and that she’s so encouraging (no Mom-guilt!). Highly recommend!!!

*I received the book for free and this is an honest, unbiased opinion.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

[Audiobook] Two stars for the first half, which reads like a book report of other books/research to do with parenting. Five stars for the last half, which actually has some pretty good tips and scripts for parenting toddlers. Rounded down one star because the author’s worldview in this book is incredibly narrow - the entire book assumes two-parent (seemingly mom-dad) families, with no mention whatsoever of single parents (hi!), divorced parents, same sex parents, parents of twins (also hi!), and any other family constellations.

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book that answers every question or concern you have as a toddler parent! I especially loved the “calming plan” in chapter 8 for when I’m feeling triggered - when I say out loud “this is not an emergency”, it really helps me feel more calm. Can’t wait to read the rest of the book, I’m only about halfway through but it’s so good! The chapters are short and to the point, and the sections are laid out in such a way you can easily find what you need in the moment for a quick refresher.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is one I’ll definitely be buying to keep around! While I really appreciated the perspective and education, I found that many of the specific techniques felt better suited to older toddlers who can communicate more clearly. With a 1.5-year-old who isn’t speaking in full sentences yet, it was harder to put some of the strategies into practice, but I still found the overall approach & general information valuable and worth revisiting as my child grows!

[Mindy Sullivan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truly love this parenting book as a practical resource for toddler parents or caretakers. Such an incredible resource when you’re in the middle of parenting and life. Scan the index or chapters, get the insight you need, and apply as necessary. I read some in order and some out of order and marked pages where I needed a pep talk. Will return to this book again and again.

[Kate Rouillard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've followed Devon's work and taken several of her courses over the years. I love her mission to demystify toddlerhood and her rejection of the stigmatism that it's a tough time that must simply be endured by parents and their little ones - no! There is a better way. This book lays it all out beautifully. Recommended reading for all parents in or approaching toddlerhood.

[Emily Dow · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very informative and helpful, especially for parents in the thick of it. This book includes excellent reminders of how to treat people (not just toddlers) in a way that honors their dignity. Plus I’ve found the knowledge in this book to be effective in day to day life. Although there are a few things I didn’t 100% agree I would still recommend this book!

[Eric Petro · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this, lots of great examples of real ways to respond to behaviors, as well as preventative measures. Beware, this book is HUGE but the chapters are very brief so it's easy to flip through forward and backward. It is a bit repetitive though, covering certain themes several times, so it could've been abbreviated.