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People-Reading: How We Control Others, How They Control Us
We control each other - and are in turn controlled - by means of all sorts of subtle communications: words, gestures, the way we dress, what we eat, how much we drink, even the jobs we choose. Habits like smoking or drinking, a crushing depression, the need to withdraw, a violent temper, behavior in bed - everything we do, in fact, is a communication to ourselves and others of what we want from them and what we're willing to give.
Most of the time, most of us don't even know we're controlling or being controlled. So the choices we wind up making are made blindly. We stay in the same old ruts and patterns. We lock ourselves into word cages from which there seem to be no exits.
How can we be free? We can learn the art of people-reading, whose first order of business is listening: not for what we want to hear, but for what is really being said, not for logic or consistency, but for how what is being said affects us.
When we listen to these messages in our own and others' behavior, we can gain the information we need to be free to choose what we want, not what someone else wants from us or for us. People-Reading tells us how to listen and what to look for, suggests how to use the information we get by listening and looking to cut the invisible strings by which we control and are controlled.
Most of the time, most of us don't even know we're controlling or being controlled. So the choices we wind up making are made blindly. We stay in the same old ruts and patterns. We lock ourselves into word cages from which there seem to be no exits.
How can we be free? We can learn the art of people-reading, whose first order of business is listening: not for what we want to hear, but for what is really being said, not for logic or consistency, but for how what is being said affects us.
When we listen to these messages in our own and others' behavior, we can gain the information we need to be free to choose what we want, not what someone else wants from us or for us. People-Reading tells us how to listen and what to look for, suggests how to use the information we get by listening and looking to cut the invisible strings by which we control and are controlled.
228 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1975
9 people are currently reading
50 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
September 3, 2013
I have the 1975 Warner Books edition, and I don't know if it's been changed since then.
I read the book because I really needed the help dealing with people in my life making drastic changes that affected my life.
The book helped alot. It gave me perspective on where other people are coming from when they say certain things and behave in certain ways. It helped me understand myself as well.
Best of all, the authors treated most of the subject matter with humor. I like reading in bed 30 minutes before trying to fall asleep, and this book made me laugh out loud almost every night before I finally finished it. I laughed at myself, my husband, my kids, and everbody else, so I went to bed happy!
I recommend this book if you are having any kind of difficulty with the people in your life.
I read the book because I really needed the help dealing with people in my life making drastic changes that affected my life.
The book helped alot. It gave me perspective on where other people are coming from when they say certain things and behave in certain ways. It helped me understand myself as well.
Best of all, the authors treated most of the subject matter with humor. I like reading in bed 30 minutes before trying to fall asleep, and this book made me laugh out loud almost every night before I finally finished it. I laughed at myself, my husband, my kids, and everbody else, so I went to bed happy!
I recommend this book if you are having any kind of difficulty with the people in your life.
November 21, 2017
This book talked about the ways that we seek to control others.
March 18, 2018
One of the best books I've ever read. So informative, and not dry. I loved this book and learned a lot. Highly recommend.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews