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The Jewish American Paradox: Embracing Choice in a Changing World
The situation of American Jews today is deeply paradoxical. Jews have achieved unprecedented integration, influence, and esteem in virtually every facet of American life. But this extraordinarily diverse community now also faces four critical and often divisive rampant intermarriage, weak religious observance, diminished cohesion in the face of waning anti-Semitism, and deeply conflicting views about Israel.
Can the American Jewish community collectively sustain and pass on to the next generation a sufficient sense of Jewish identity in light of these challenges? Who should count as Jewish in America? What should be the relationship of American Jews to Israel?
In this thoughtful and perceptive book, Robert H. Mnookin argues that the answers of the past no longer serve American Jews today. The book boldly promotes a radically inclusive American-Jewish community - one where being Jewish can depend on personal choice and public self-identification, not simply birth or formal religious conversion. Instead of preventing intermarriage or ostracizing those critical of Israel, he envisions a community that embraces diversity and debate, and in so doing, preserves and strengthens the Jewish identity into the next generation and beyond.
Can the American Jewish community collectively sustain and pass on to the next generation a sufficient sense of Jewish identity in light of these challenges? Who should count as Jewish in America? What should be the relationship of American Jews to Israel?
In this thoughtful and perceptive book, Robert H. Mnookin argues that the answers of the past no longer serve American Jews today. The book boldly promotes a radically inclusive American-Jewish community - one where being Jewish can depend on personal choice and public self-identification, not simply birth or formal religious conversion. Instead of preventing intermarriage or ostracizing those critical of Israel, he envisions a community that embraces diversity and debate, and in so doing, preserves and strengthens the Jewish identity into the next generation and beyond.
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Published June 28, 2019
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
March 10, 2021
I feel like this book was written for me. Highly recommended.
January 5, 2020
One of the reasons I choose books to read is to explore how others who have a different perspective from my own views issues; which I why I chose this book. My rating reflects both my opinion of what the author says and also his authority to say it.
To start with, this is a highly intelligent academician who has reached the pinnacle of his field. He is a highly regarded lawyer who teaches negotiation and conflict resolution at Harvard Law. He is a Jew and as decided to apply his inquisitive mind to the issue of Judaism in America.
His qualifications for is that he was brought up with minimal Jewish identity and education a Kansas City. He married a Jew and the first time he began to explore his Jewish identity was when his pre-bat-mitzvah daughter asked him when they were going to become Jewish. One of his two daughters married a Jew and the other did not. He was frustrated when a Reform Rabbi would not participate in a ceremony because when the perspective couple was interviewed they stated although they would bring their child up Jewish they would have a Christmas tree for the father.
His big tent idea is he believes that people should be able to self identify if they are Jewish; however, individual institutions can have criteria they establish for inclusion in a specific sub-group. However, he then criticizes Israel for their selection of the subgroup which they chose. He rails against the fact that Israeli Haredim have too much political control but then notes that the Law of Return is based upon who the Nazis considered being a Jew; which he does not call out as the Nuremberg Laws.
He derides matrilineage early on in the book and states it is outdated and can be replaced with genetic testing which later on in the book he says is no way to determine if a person is a Jew. For that matter, except for self-identification, he can't decide who is a Jew. He can't even decide what Judaism is for that matter. Is it a religion, ethnicity, identification, or culture? These are questions that he just can't answer and chooses to ignore.
He is factually incorrect in a number of statements and attempts to delve into the complexities with the assistance of professor friends to the intricacies of Rabbinic law and oversimplifies issues without having a broader understanding of concepts such as "Minhag Avot."
He attempts to highlight the issues between Jews in the US and Israel by first stating his support for BDS and J Street and then explaining how highly involved Jews in the Conference of Presidents of Major Jewish Organizations were wrong not to include J Street in their organization.
He delves into Antisemitism through a political lens only calling out the Antisemitism on the far right. He ignores anything coming from a Liberal camp. However, this is not the worst of it, his perspective is that Jews never had it so good. I guess he meant before Pittsburgh, San Diego, Jersey City or Monsey. He derides the ADL statistical collection method implying that they are overstated without even going into fact that these statistics, by there very nature are understated because most crimes are not reported. And he further discounts nuisance crimes such as swastikas on doors or defacing synagogues.
He clearly self-identifies as a liberal and to him, that is his religion. He is attracted to Judaism because of concepts such as Social Justice as represented by Tikun Olam, but his ignorance does not allow him to see is cleaving onto concepts he holds dear, not Jewish concepts. I won't take the time to go into the politicization of Jews progressives who have replaced authentic Jewish concepts with Tikun Olam and social justice.
All that said, it was very important for me to read this book. I obviously don't think highly of the content; however, it gave me insight into the way that many Jews in the US are approaching their Judaism.
To start with, this is a highly intelligent academician who has reached the pinnacle of his field. He is a highly regarded lawyer who teaches negotiation and conflict resolution at Harvard Law. He is a Jew and as decided to apply his inquisitive mind to the issue of Judaism in America.
His qualifications for is that he was brought up with minimal Jewish identity and education a Kansas City. He married a Jew and the first time he began to explore his Jewish identity was when his pre-bat-mitzvah daughter asked him when they were going to become Jewish. One of his two daughters married a Jew and the other did not. He was frustrated when a Reform Rabbi would not participate in a ceremony because when the perspective couple was interviewed they stated although they would bring their child up Jewish they would have a Christmas tree for the father.
His big tent idea is he believes that people should be able to self identify if they are Jewish; however, individual institutions can have criteria they establish for inclusion in a specific sub-group. However, he then criticizes Israel for their selection of the subgroup which they chose. He rails against the fact that Israeli Haredim have too much political control but then notes that the Law of Return is based upon who the Nazis considered being a Jew; which he does not call out as the Nuremberg Laws.
He derides matrilineage early on in the book and states it is outdated and can be replaced with genetic testing which later on in the book he says is no way to determine if a person is a Jew. For that matter, except for self-identification, he can't decide who is a Jew. He can't even decide what Judaism is for that matter. Is it a religion, ethnicity, identification, or culture? These are questions that he just can't answer and chooses to ignore.
He is factually incorrect in a number of statements and attempts to delve into the complexities with the assistance of professor friends to the intricacies of Rabbinic law and oversimplifies issues without having a broader understanding of concepts such as "Minhag Avot."
He attempts to highlight the issues between Jews in the US and Israel by first stating his support for BDS and J Street and then explaining how highly involved Jews in the Conference of Presidents of Major Jewish Organizations were wrong not to include J Street in their organization.
He delves into Antisemitism through a political lens only calling out the Antisemitism on the far right. He ignores anything coming from a Liberal camp. However, this is not the worst of it, his perspective is that Jews never had it so good. I guess he meant before Pittsburgh, San Diego, Jersey City or Monsey. He derides the ADL statistical collection method implying that they are overstated without even going into fact that these statistics, by there very nature are understated because most crimes are not reported. And he further discounts nuisance crimes such as swastikas on doors or defacing synagogues.
He clearly self-identifies as a liberal and to him, that is his religion. He is attracted to Judaism because of concepts such as Social Justice as represented by Tikun Olam, but his ignorance does not allow him to see is cleaving onto concepts he holds dear, not Jewish concepts. I won't take the time to go into the politicization of Jews progressives who have replaced authentic Jewish concepts with Tikun Olam and social justice.
All that said, it was very important for me to read this book. I obviously don't think highly of the content; however, it gave me insight into the way that many Jews in the US are approaching their Judaism.
August 1, 2022
a great modern take on grappling with american jewish identity, what it means to be jewish in america and elsewhere, how we define judaism and identification. it was really helpful in thinking of my own identity. 4 stars instead of 5 because he’s weird and noncommittal about israel, acknowledges that there are faults within government but doesn’t give explicit examples so he’s a bit of israel apologist/covering it up by leaving it out.
January 13, 2024
I really enjoyed this book and its nuanced perspectives on Being Jewish and wanting to live a Jewish life in the United States. Robert Mnookin and his perspectives greatly challenged my thoughts and ideas in relation to my experiences surrounding being raised as Modern Orthodox Jewish. Additionally, Mnookin gave me new ways of thinking in regards to my transition in young adulthood to a less orthodox and explorative Jewish Identity, which in turn I feel have and will help me to strengthen my Jewish American Identiy.
January 11, 2019
This book covers an appropriate array of topics related to Jewish identity in a remarkably concise and engaging way. Mnookin is able to cover the basics of debates within the American Jewish community - the "Matrilineal Principle," issues concerning Israel and Palestine, and intermarriage to name a few. The writing is clear and persuasive, and I learned a great deal. Those who are already very familiar with the American Jewish community may find the book too broad, but as a young American Jew raised without much traditional Jewish education it was exactly the right level.
May 22, 2020
This book raises interesting ideas about how we define Judaism in America. It is somewhat spoiled, however, by suggesting the author's experiences apply to all of a specific group of people. For example, he suggests that all Jews in the Midwest had Christmas trees. I lived in the Midwest and never knew a Jewish family that had a Christmas tree. I also believe that identifying as Jewish still requires some degree of knowledge and action since we are all responsible for the repair of our communities.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 9, 2018
Dead on today with a game plan for the future
Bob Mnookin is an unlikely source for the definitive tale of where American Jews stand today but he is right on the money . His BIG and BIGGER TENT for the future does not seem likely . Footnotes extensive. Worth the read just for the reference material copendium.
Bob Mnookin is an unlikely source for the definitive tale of where American Jews stand today but he is right on the money . His BIG and BIGGER TENT for the future does not seem likely . Footnotes extensive. Worth the read just for the reference material copendium.
November 26, 2018
The number of Jews who neither worship at a synagogue nor belong to one has been growing steadily. Jewish scholars are hard pressed to know why and even more hard pressed to figure out how to return the missing Jews to the synagogue. Many scholars believe that if the trend continues, Judaism may die in American, accomplishing what millennia of anti-Semitism could not. Assimilation, some believe, may be the root of this decline because Jews like so many others have allowed their religion to fade away.
Mnookin, a Harvard School of Law professor, takes a hard look at the reasons why Jews are no longer associated with synagogues, no longer worship as Jews, and, indeed, no longer see themselves as Jewish. His writing is not preachy and is easy to read. He’s done his research and this book shows the depth of his research.
This book will be of interest to those Jews who no longer identify themselves as Jews as well as those who are concerned about the decline of Judaism in America.
Mnookin, a Harvard School of Law professor, takes a hard look at the reasons why Jews are no longer associated with synagogues, no longer worship as Jews, and, indeed, no longer see themselves as Jewish. His writing is not preachy and is easy to read. He’s done his research and this book shows the depth of his research.
This book will be of interest to those Jews who no longer identify themselves as Jews as well as those who are concerned about the decline of Judaism in America.
July 19, 2019
Five stars!! I just finished the library version of this book and I’m going to buy it so I can read it again and annotate. Mnookin invites us to join his exploration of American Jewish identity. I’d hadn’t given much thought to the unique experience of American Jews, but he was able to beautifully articulate so many experiences I’ve undergone and had never processed.
He identifies the “paradox” of American Jews - we’re more accepted than ever in the public sphere, yet many worry that Jewish identity is at risk. To combat this, Mnookin explores how Judaism can modernize to remain relevant and welcomed (even by those of us who don’t identify as religious). He dives into tough topics like the outsized power of the ultra-Orthodox in Israel, the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict, intermarriage, the dynamics between Orthodoxy, Conservatism, and the Reform movement, providing substantial research and thoughtful analysis.
His portrait of a radically inclusive community, of both Jews and non-Jews alike, is something I can really get behind. I thank him for helping me put words behind why my Jewish identity is so important to me: Jewish head, Jewish heart, Jewish heritage.
He identifies the “paradox” of American Jews - we’re more accepted than ever in the public sphere, yet many worry that Jewish identity is at risk. To combat this, Mnookin explores how Judaism can modernize to remain relevant and welcomed (even by those of us who don’t identify as religious). He dives into tough topics like the outsized power of the ultra-Orthodox in Israel, the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict, intermarriage, the dynamics between Orthodoxy, Conservatism, and the Reform movement, providing substantial research and thoughtful analysis.
His portrait of a radically inclusive community, of both Jews and non-Jews alike, is something I can really get behind. I thank him for helping me put words behind why my Jewish identity is so important to me: Jewish head, Jewish heart, Jewish heritage.
May 5, 2019
“The Jewish American Paradox: Embracing choice in a changing world,” by Robert H. Mnookin (Public Affairs, 2018). Mnookin is a negotiator, director of the Harvard Program on Negotiation, and an expert on conflict resolution. Here he looks at one of the biggest, and most long-running conflicts of all: who or what is a Jew, who decides, what does it mean, and how is America different from all other countries? Mnookin describes himself as a completely secular Jew who came to face these questions when his 11-year-old daughter, discovering that she was the only Jew in her English high school, asked him, “When are we actually going to become Jewish?” From there, he teases out the threads, chapter by chapter: are we matrilineal and why or why not? Must a Jew practice Judaism? Is there “Jewish blood”? Are we a people? In Israel? In America? Can we survive acceptance? Intermarriage? Raising a Jewish child? What about anti-Semitism? Here he may be a bit behind the moment: he recognizes that institutional anti-Semitism has essentially disappeared from the United States, but he does not seem overly concerned about its apparent resurgence under Trump. That, he would say, is the result of the deep, mythical hostility toward Jews, but it is not manifested any longer in restricted country clubs, college quotas, the establishment sneer and sniff. His discussion, although supported by a deep foundation of endnotes, seems almost too simple. In the end, after carefully and lucidly examining these questions from many angles, he proposes two solutions for American Jews. First, there is the big tent: a Jew is anyone who says they are a Jew; self-identification is sufficient. But within this tent are many rooms, each with its own requirements for membership, some far more stringent than the others. He then proposes a number of steps one can take to increase or solidify one’s Jewishness, if desired. Observe the holidays; provide a Jewish education of some sort for children, participate in some of the rituals. I noticed that while I agreed with and accepted most of his discussion of Judaism, I resisted many of his suggestions. They would require changes in my behavior that at this moment I don’t want to make. Readers of this synopsis, if they get this far, will observe how personally I have taken this book. Yes.
https://www.publicaffairsbooks.com/ti...
https://www.publicaffairsbooks.com/ti...
September 1, 2025
Five or six years ago, I would have found a lot to agree with here. I would have embraced the idea of defining Jewish identity through the concept of self-identification and peoplehood. I would have agreed that intermarriage should be treated as an opportunity for Judaism, not a death knell. I would have thought that Mr. Mnookin's advocacy of the two-state solution for Israel/Palestine was the right way to go, but that was then, and this is now. Events have overtaken Mr. Mnookin's thinking. Now it seems so yesterday, and I agree with almost none of it.
In the past few years we have seen Israel go off the rails with the unending killing and destruction in Gaza and with the crazy people who want to own all of Judea and Samaria in responsible positions in the Israeli government. This has alienated a large part of American Jewry and nearly all young American Jews. It's hard enough for most of us to find ways to remain comfortable as Jews at all, so this creates a whole different level of threat that is embedded in the problems that Mr. Mnookin discusses. These problems are further magnified by the resurgence of real Anti-Semitism through the agency of extreme right-wing people enabled by the current administration, coupled with the use of false accusations of Anti-Semitism against universities and immigrants as an excuse for pursuing other agendas of punishing intellectuals and ethnic cleansing. So Mr. Mnookin's discussion of Anti-Semitism seems like it was written about another time and place. Mr. Mnookin is a smart and good person. He just needs to update his thinking. A new edition of this book would be a good idea.
In the past few years we have seen Israel go off the rails with the unending killing and destruction in Gaza and with the crazy people who want to own all of Judea and Samaria in responsible positions in the Israeli government. This has alienated a large part of American Jewry and nearly all young American Jews. It's hard enough for most of us to find ways to remain comfortable as Jews at all, so this creates a whole different level of threat that is embedded in the problems that Mr. Mnookin discusses. These problems are further magnified by the resurgence of real Anti-Semitism through the agency of extreme right-wing people enabled by the current administration, coupled with the use of false accusations of Anti-Semitism against universities and immigrants as an excuse for pursuing other agendas of punishing intellectuals and ethnic cleansing. So Mr. Mnookin's discussion of Anti-Semitism seems like it was written about another time and place. Mr. Mnookin is a smart and good person. He just needs to update his thinking. A new edition of this book would be a good idea.
February 8, 2019
Superb interpretation of today's Judaism in America-are we a religion or a people? Why do we still believe in matrilineal descent? What is the reason for the intermarriage rate to be constantly increasing? How do we really feel about Israel as a Jewish homeland? These are some of the areas and issues that are discussed, interpreted, criticized and/or condoned by author Robert Mnookin as he presents a look at the changing conditions and dynamics of our American Jewish community.
Whether you're an observant Jew and attend services on a daily or weekly basis, whether you are a three- day- a- year Jew, whether you keep kosher or only observe the rules of kashrut during the eight days of Passover, whether services include musical accompaniment or are mostly in English, whether we open our synagogues to classes, lectures, bridge-playing, movies, or Jewish meditation and yoga...these are all attempts to deal with the constantly changing notions of Judaism in America today. The Jewish American Paradox looks at all of this in a way that any Jew or non-Jew can relate to, understand, and internalize. It opens doors, and maybe even minds, to today's Judaism, and in so doing, hopefully allows for anyone who believes in any of Judaism to enter those doors and continue to delve into the changes occurring and to take his or her place in Judaism's changing world in America in 2019 and beyond.
Whether you're an observant Jew and attend services on a daily or weekly basis, whether you are a three- day- a- year Jew, whether you keep kosher or only observe the rules of kashrut during the eight days of Passover, whether services include musical accompaniment or are mostly in English, whether we open our synagogues to classes, lectures, bridge-playing, movies, or Jewish meditation and yoga...these are all attempts to deal with the constantly changing notions of Judaism in America today. The Jewish American Paradox looks at all of this in a way that any Jew or non-Jew can relate to, understand, and internalize. It opens doors, and maybe even minds, to today's Judaism, and in so doing, hopefully allows for anyone who believes in any of Judaism to enter those doors and continue to delve into the changes occurring and to take his or her place in Judaism's changing world in America in 2019 and beyond.
March 18, 2019
This book is one big build up to the chapter called “The Challenge of Israel”. This is the most relevant and educational breakdown of current affairs involving the Middle East crisis. The rest of the book is very educational as well and doesn’t force one point of view. The reader is left to make their own decisions of how Jewish identity is defined. The author expresses his own opinions and where he stands but doesn’t necessarily encourage the reader to agree with him. He discusses each side to the issues.
I learned a lot, especially that the matrilineal rule of Jewishness is not in the Bible, and feel confident that I can dive into more complicated Jewish literature with a good foundation of knowledge. The chapters about intermarriage are a good overview of the issue at hand. Again, no solutions but a good foundation for understanding.
I learned a lot, especially that the matrilineal rule of Jewishness is not in the Bible, and feel confident that I can dive into more complicated Jewish literature with a good foundation of knowledge. The chapters about intermarriage are a good overview of the issue at hand. Again, no solutions but a good foundation for understanding.
May 29, 2019
This addressed many things I’ve personally been thinking about in terms of my Jewish identity. Not religious but wanting a connection to culture. Discussing what it means to raise kids in modern America for a Jew. How to negotiate with having a non Jewish spouse. I am a member of a congregation and probably won’t change much based on having read this but the advice in here will be useful for many and the context the discussion provides in terms of Jewish identity is thought provoking. Definitely read if you or a family member is Jewish.
January 1, 2019
Contained a lot that was either just his opinion but stated as though it were evidence-based fact or things that were stated as fact/definition that were just plain incorrect. Gave me a lot to think about, mostly because I disagreed with so much of it. There are a lot of experts of various kinds on the topics of Judaism, religion, identity, race, etc. From what I can tell Mnookin is no kind of expert on this.
March 13, 2023
This is almost an anything-goes approach to Jewish identity. In way, it's almost Biblical, in that non-Jews who marry Jews and choose to identify as Jews might count as Jews. That's pretty much the way the Matriarchs became Jews--since there was no such thing as conversion in the Bible, how else did Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah become Jews? I'm not sure how comfortable I am with there being no set definition of Jewish identity.
May 20, 2025
I think this is a good high level overview of the paradoxes and history inherent to Jewish life. Sections on Israel seem dated given the attacks by Hamas on Oct 7, but otherwise still relevant and at a high enough level for those less steeped in the issues to feel engaged.
February 2, 2019
Highly recommended. Thought-provoking account of issues facing Jewish people in US today. Uses a combination of scholarly resources and personal views and anecdotes.
March 7, 2019
Easy read. Interesting and informative.
May 28, 2024
3.5. Not quite sure about this one. I liked some of his insights but I wanted more information about how he arrived at them.
March 24, 2025
Really interesting perspective on how Jewish identity can / should persist in an America where endogamy is less and less common.
January 18, 2019
A reasonable attempt to attack the malaise imperiling Judaism's future in the United States. In synopsis, the author's prescription is: Let whomever wants to come in
in
, though not all Jewish subgroups need to welcome them once they're under the overarching "big tent." The wisdom of this approach is that it stops forcing people onto a procrustean bed of identity by descent, without asking traditionally observant Jews to get rid of their time-honored standards.
My only criticism is that Mnookin spends a lot of time on a historical overview, leaving the content of the Judaism he's trying to save for the very end as practically a footnote. This is partly due to his passion for history (which he concedes), partly because of his deep affiliation with JStreet's political mission (partisans of other tendencies, beware), and, critically, partly because he's a theological skeptic. I don't mean to penalize him for not claiming a spiritual sensibility when he's agnostic, but content is important if we now need to sell a Jewish identity amidst a host of competing ideas. It makes me think of the Me'ah study program in Boston, which asks a lot of participants but may be a reason why so many interfaith Boston couples are raising their children as Jews. So perhaps a high standard, guided by the core principles of Judaism, will challenge and engage people rather than drive them away (on this note, see Jack Wertheimer's The New American Judaism: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3...). In other words, a "dumbed-down" Judaism is something we want to avoid, and I suspect the cost of being Jewish (e.g., synagogue dues, Jewish day school tuition) rather than intellectual rigor is what alienates Jews and potential Jews.
My only criticism is that Mnookin spends a lot of time on a historical overview, leaving the content of the Judaism he's trying to save for the very end as practically a footnote. This is partly due to his passion for history (which he concedes), partly because of his deep affiliation with JStreet's political mission (partisans of other tendencies, beware), and, critically, partly because he's a theological skeptic. I don't mean to penalize him for not claiming a spiritual sensibility when he's agnostic, but content is important if we now need to sell a Jewish identity amidst a host of competing ideas. It makes me think of the Me'ah study program in Boston, which asks a lot of participants but may be a reason why so many interfaith Boston couples are raising their children as Jews. So perhaps a high standard, guided by the core principles of Judaism, will challenge and engage people rather than drive them away (on this note, see Jack Wertheimer's The New American Judaism: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3...). In other words, a "dumbed-down" Judaism is something we want to avoid, and I suspect the cost of being Jewish (e.g., synagogue dues, Jewish day school tuition) rather than intellectual rigor is what alienates Jews and potential Jews.
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews