I hesitated to write a review for awhile because I respect and admire Lisa Gungor deeply. I also think, as a reader and writer, there is a difference between living a good story and writing one, so I write this for my fellow writers and readers who felt like they kept stubbing their toes on the words like I did.
I wanted to love this book so much, because I have such affection for Lisa. She's one of those kinds of people I'd love to have dinner with, and suspect she is one remarkable human being. I respect Lisa and Michael immensely for the work they are doing, for the Liturgists podcast, the music they make, for their outlook on faith and doubt and special needs and ableism and how love should intersect with the world and culture. I wanted to like this book as much as I like what I know of Lisa and the things she stands for and has given her life to, but - for me - the writing was a let down.
It could be my problem, that, as a mother, I came to it thinking she would speak more about the journey of motherhood, her growth with her children, as the book starts with the image of a bedroom being prepared for little girls. Even beyond unmet expectations, though, I found her writing confusing, as she switched tenses and lost chronology, as well as leaving a lot of beginning threads unfinished. It felt like there was never a real narrative arc that resolved the story. The book ended without showing any scenes resolving the tensions with her mother (what she bookends the book with), without spelling out any ongoing relationship with the church, faith, or religion. Some of the most confusing elements were statements peppered through the book about much deeper, complex elements (most notably patriarchy / feminism, and a hinted-to sexual abuse) that were never given full voice or unpacked, so it left me as the reader confused and feeling a bit frustrated, un-companioned. To simply hint at these things without giving them voice and unpacking them can trigger the reader, and so it felt a bit manipulative or like she maybe just wanted to include too much in this first book.
I know writing a book - particularly finding the live wire / thread for a memoir - is incredibly difficult work, so I want to give credit to her for doing the inevitably hard work of getting the words on the page. I also applaud her for being willing to share her journey of wrestling with her faith and her relationships in the faith community, and I can see how many people are finding hope, solidarity, and their own reflection in her story. Personally, though, I just wish she would have picked that as her clear theme and not tried to include the other peripheral storylines that, in the end, muddied the waters a bit.