The Third Space: Using Life's Little Transitions to Find Balance and Happiness

by Adam Fraser

*Updated with new author's note and chapter on creating boundaries and balance when working from home*

How to use life's little transitions to find balance and happiness.

Every day we undertake dozens of different roles, tasks and experiences. Most of us habitually carry our mindset and emotional state from one of these activities to the next - and all too often this has negative, occasionally disastrous consequences.

For years we've been told it's getting the 'big' stuff right that gives us balance and makes us the holidays, the audacious goals, the pay rises. But in our hearts we know it's really the small a great result at work, our welcome home, an absorbing conversation, a game with the kids.

This book is all about getting the small stuff right - not 'sweating' it, but making it much more rewarding, much more often. It's about using the 'Third Space' (that moment of transition between a first activity and the second that follows it), to mentally 'show up' right for whatever comes next. Gaining control of the Third Space will empower you to do this any time and every time. You will consistently be your best for your work, your family, your friends and yourself - and you will find that the key to balance and happiness was always there waiting for you in the Third Space.

Includes a foreword by Stephen Lundin, author of Fish.

Genres: Nonfiction, Personal Development, Business, Self Help, Audiobook

Audible Audio

First published July 1, 2012

Reviews

[Jason · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't really need to hear a multitude of examples of the seminars where people chatted to you afterwards and you changed their life. To me, although the third space concept is great, it really felt like an infor-mercial trying to sell me something.

[Alfie Yee · Rating 2 out of 5]

Reflect, Rest and Reset. Seems like common sense and probably a book that need not be written? This easy to read book is definitely worth a browse to remind yourself that shit carries over and you never let it pile up.

[Jacinta Butlin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think Adam Fraser is a much more engaging presenter than writer. Having said that I think there's still something you can takeaway from this book and implement into your life. Considering micro transitions and the interaction of third space and leadership was that takeaway for me.
Not that much more content in the book than there is in his short TED Talk, which for me, was much more engaging.

[Ngarie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Insightful and useful information for anyone, no matter their age or what they are doing.

[Said Bouziane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible book.

Core reading for anyone who works in mental health and wants to keep their own mental health.

[Michael Sanderson-green · Rating 4 out of 5]

As this book is about the need to make the transition from one space to another eg work to home, meeting to meeting. As with all books that have one idea eg six hat thinking they tend to try and sell the idea over and over again with out overly saying much more than say 4 useful chapters. This was no different I like the concept and I will use the model in my own work.the antidotes are cute but too contrived and too good to be true but they add to the point.

[Michelle Grech · Rating 3 out of 5]

Could have been more concise - most points are common knowledge.

[Dan Organ · Rating 2 out of 5]

The main theme is that you need to take time and effort to calm your mind, leave negative thoughts behind and transition calmly between events. The stress of work to your home life after work. The way to do this is to use what he terms “the third space” which just means to take a break, meditate/go for a hīkoi/have quiet time in your waka/breath or something similar for you to release your stress, so you can be 100% focused and present with your next task/meeting/space/family time.

He quoted a lot from other books to pad out his book. I really think his book could have been edited down to a business article.

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

I finally finished this book! I have to say, this book was really interesting. I’m not a “self help” reader but I really liked this concept and how well written it was. I love that this concept is simple and in its most basic form, is what we should be doing in our day to day lives. I loved that Adam practised what he preached. He didn’t just write endless pages of studies and information in technical jargon that made no sense to anyone. He shared stories, which is a part of his philosophy. That made it more engaging. It took me so long to read this because I needed to spend a bit of time processing the info but I’m really glad I did read it.

[Velo Bones · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book, especially on expectations and empathy. Overall the message was really valuable. It was a shame though that despite being an Australian book it had a slightly American style promotional tone to it. It also included some needless disparaging comments - a pretty harsh and unnecessary one about in-laws right near the end / and felt a bit conservative and slightly sexist at times. I think maybe another once over by a good editor would’ve gotten 5 stars from me. Conclusion: irritating at times, but worth reading

[Mr D J Barker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simple changes for huge improvements.

Great little book with simple ideas that can be earth shattering. Intent and context as well as taking timeout ina world that lives on back to back meetings is a precious time that allows you to get set and ready for the next space.

[Tracey Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was absolutely awesome! I loved how simple the author made the principles to implement in real life through variety of entertaining and realistic stories, examples and case studies. Highly recommend!

[Joel Ratcliffe · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's worth a read! Some very good practical advice for life, work, and relationships. There are some game-changing principles in this book. I wish I had known this stuff when I was young. It's never too late to make changes, though.

[Christian Gibbs · Rating 4 out of 5]

Provides good clarity on being aware of your counter parts and exercising empathy. Powerful tools for both home and work.

Some really simple perspectives on intent vs expectation - which when laid out, are so simple it hurts.

Great book - I’ll be sharing it with my direct reports on my team

[Lyndall MacInnes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly rate this one - simple, practical and effective. Lots of examples/scenarios which works for me, but I know others would find annoying. A book you need to read at the right time for it to resonate and be useful.

[Belinda Turner · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has a great takeaway lesson. Practical and can make a big change to your mindset. Not an engaging read though.

[Tania · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some really great concepts to build into my life but gee it drags on. Too many examples and too repetitive. Could have just read the summaries at the end of each chapter.

[Alexander Gil · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting concept and I appreciated the authors approach to leadership and helping the team.

[Honza Jaroš · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even it was kind of hard to read, I enjoyed the concept of reflection, and reset before entering new role (transition from work to home)

to use intention rather the expectation is brilliant idea

[Rebecca Doherty · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great concept and applicable in all facets of life. Adam explains it in clear terms and the stories bring it into applicable action for most common day scenarios.

[Cai · Rating 4 out of 5]

Transitions and micro transitions. People go through these transitions several times every day. The third space is the space where you transition between the first space to the second. For example from work to home, the first space being work, second being home and the third space being the time in between. Utilizing the third space is essential if you want to achieve balance in your life.

I really enjoyed this book, more so than any other personal development book that I have read. It was hard to put down but I felt that I really needed to reflect on each chapter. It was full of information with accompanying references and examples from Fraser’s own life gave the book credibility. Fraser filled the book with humor too, it wasn’t stiff and stale like some of these books tend to be. The methods can be used with any transition too. Whether it is big or little, or anything you do in life.

Fraser does succumb to the typical pick and choose what information you want to provide. He does tend to only provide the results of studies that support his theories and make it sound like there were no other results.

However that is my only criticism. This is well worth the read, especially if you are finding the need to sort out a work-life balance.

[Alarra · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm generally really leery of self-help books, but I had to read this for work and I actually enjoyed it. I'm not sure I necessarily learnt anything new but it was a clear, practical reminder that work-life balance isn't necessarily about giving up things in either sphere, but learning to move between those spaces and negotiating proper boundaries.

[Warren Cammack · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really easy read with Adam creating a very personal story and weaving in the case studies of his clients. This has really helped me to understand how to better transition between a variety of spaces.

[PeterBlackCoach · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good awareness of how we can use all the micro-transition times in our life from one place to another or one event to another to reset our mind. Book became a little repetitive and too many personal examples

[Ximena Iglesias · Rating 3 out of 5]

Smart book on adjusting our transitions between activities so we show up fully engaged for the next activity.