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The Holidays #3
The Firework Exploded: The Holidays, Book 3
Sam and Noel's whirlwind Christmas romance shot through Valentine's Day and is exploding on the Fourth of July!
"You should get married on the 4th," they said. "It will be so romantic," they said.
Did you know that during a pyrotechnic display, a single firework travels 481 feet per second and can take out a small village? Did you know it can also singe the ball hair off of any man standing within a mile radius of said-pyrotechnic display (and singed ball hair smells a lot like a sh*t-filled baby diaper that's been lit on fire), and it can make a vintage wedding dress go up in flames like a barn full of dry hay?
Yeah, me either....
"You should get married on the 4th," they said. "It will be so romantic," they said.
Did you know that during a pyrotechnic display, a single firework travels 481 feet per second and can take out a small village? Did you know it can also singe the ball hair off of any man standing within a mile radius of said-pyrotechnic display (and singed ball hair smells a lot like a sh*t-filled baby diaper that's been lit on fire), and it can make a vintage wedding dress go up in flames like a barn full of dry hay?
Yeah, me either....
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First published June 29, 2016
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About the author
Tara Sivec
71 books10.3k followersTara Sivec is a USA Today best-selling author, wife, mother, chauffeur, maid, short-order cook, baby-sitter, and sarcasm expert. She lives in Ohio with her husband and two children and looks forward to the day when all three of them become adults and move out.
After working in the brokerage business for fourteen years, Tara decided to pick up a pen and write instead of shoving it in her eye out of boredom. She writes in a wide range of genres including Romantic Comedy, Romantic Comedy/Mystery, Romantic Suspense, New Adult Drama, Contemporary Romance and Psychological Thriller. Her novel Seduction and Snacks won first place in the Indie Romance Convention Reader's Choice Awards 2013 for Best Indie First Book and she was voted Best Indie Author in the Indie Romance Convention Reader's Choice Awards 2014.
In her spare time, Tara loves to dream about all of the baking she'll do and naps she'll take when she ever gets spare time.
After working in the brokerage business for fourteen years, Tara decided to pick up a pen and write instead of shoving it in her eye out of boredom. She writes in a wide range of genres including Romantic Comedy, Romantic Comedy/Mystery, Romantic Suspense, New Adult Drama, Contemporary Romance and Psychological Thriller. Her novel Seduction and Snacks won first place in the Indie Romance Convention Reader's Choice Awards 2013 for Best Indie First Book and she was voted Best Indie Author in the Indie Romance Convention Reader's Choice Awards 2014.
In her spare time, Tara loves to dream about all of the baking she'll do and naps she'll take when she ever gets spare time.
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August 7, 2016
The Firework Exploded is book three in The Holidays series by Tara Sivec. From the beginning this series has been full of hilarity, a family so crazy they will have you crying from laughing so hard, and plenty of sweet and sexy moments as well. I believe this third book has outdone it’s predecessors on all accounts.
Sam and Noel are finally getting married. They got engaged on Valentine’s day so why not have the wedding on the Fourth of July?! If you have read the previous books in this series, you know that Noel’s family is somewhat…chaotic. Now add in a mother that has been waiting her entire life to plan the wedding for her only daughter, a dad who is obsessed with protecting his daughter’s “dairy products,” and is also quite obsessed with holiday fireworks, a crazy zombie cat that is determined to do as much damage to Sam as possible every time he is in the area, well, you get the picture. Let the craziness begin!
Sam and Noel have enjoyed a very active and happy sex life so far. But lately, Sam has been having a problem “finishing the race” so to speak. Noel accidentally lets this information be known to her family. They refer to the issue as Mr. ED, not the talking horse mind you, but the abbreviation ED. We all know what that stands for. But whenever they discuss it in front of Sam or Noel’s father, they think they are talking about the old television program, Mr. Ed, the talking horse. Hilarious.
When the big day finally arrives, of course, our favorite couple are in for even more surprises. There always has to be the horrible guest. This one gives Cousin Eddie from The Christmas Vacation movie a run for his money. This guy is so over the top horrible! I will stop right there because I want everything else to be a surprise. And what a huge surprise it will be. This is a wedding for the history books.
This is the only series I have ever read of Tara Sivec’s and I keep saying I need to read some of her other books. I’m saying it again. It is a talented writer that can make you fall off the chair laughing one second and sighing with a sweet moment the next.
If you haven’t started this series yet, start at the beginning. You don’t want to miss a minute of Sam and Noel’s journey from the moment they met until their big day. Believe me, you will love every minute of it.
Sam and Noel are finally getting married. They got engaged on Valentine’s day so why not have the wedding on the Fourth of July?! If you have read the previous books in this series, you know that Noel’s family is somewhat…chaotic. Now add in a mother that has been waiting her entire life to plan the wedding for her only daughter, a dad who is obsessed with protecting his daughter’s “dairy products,” and is also quite obsessed with holiday fireworks, a crazy zombie cat that is determined to do as much damage to Sam as possible every time he is in the area, well, you get the picture. Let the craziness begin!
Sam and Noel have enjoyed a very active and happy sex life so far. But lately, Sam has been having a problem “finishing the race” so to speak. Noel accidentally lets this information be known to her family. They refer to the issue as Mr. ED, not the talking horse mind you, but the abbreviation ED. We all know what that stands for. But whenever they discuss it in front of Sam or Noel’s father, they think they are talking about the old television program, Mr. Ed, the talking horse. Hilarious.
When the big day finally arrives, of course, our favorite couple are in for even more surprises. There always has to be the horrible guest. This one gives Cousin Eddie from The Christmas Vacation movie a run for his money. This guy is so over the top horrible! I will stop right there because I want everything else to be a surprise. And what a huge surprise it will be. This is a wedding for the history books.
This is the only series I have ever read of Tara Sivec’s and I keep saying I need to read some of her other books. I’m saying it again. It is a talented writer that can make you fall off the chair laughing one second and sighing with a sweet moment the next.
If you haven’t started this series yet, start at the beginning. You don’t want to miss a minute of Sam and Noel’s journey from the moment they met until their big day. Believe me, you will love every minute of it.
July 3, 2016
Although I didn't love this one as much as I did the first two (this one seemed to drag a little) this is still one HELL of a funny series.
"This is what Bev used to do back in the day when Lucifer’s Waterfall was upon us every month, he continues quietly. She’d get me all docile and relaxed, and then BAM! She’d whittled a shiv out of a spatula and had it against my neck because I left the toilet seat up."
"I love you, Mrs. Holiday-Stocking, more than anything.”
As much as I love Noel and Sam, it is really the secondary characters that make these books shine, and this one was no exception. I laughed my butt off too many times to count. I really hope this isn't the last we hear from Sam&Noel and their crazy family and friends.
Well worth the read.
"This is what Bev used to do back in the day when Lucifer’s Waterfall was upon us every month, he continues quietly. She’d get me all docile and relaxed, and then BAM! She’d whittled a shiv out of a spatula and had it against my neck because I left the toilet seat up."
"I love you, Mrs. Holiday-Stocking, more than anything.”
As much as I love Noel and Sam, it is really the secondary characters that make these books shine, and this one was no exception. I laughed my butt off too many times to count. I really hope this isn't the last we hear from Sam&Noel and their crazy family and friends.
Well worth the read.
August 7, 2016
4 just for the laughs stars
I am in love with this family!!! I will read every book put out with this family in it :) I think it might have something to do with my family being a little nuts but nowhere near as nuts as the Holidays.
This instalment follows Noel and Sams life for the weeks leading up to their 4th of July wedding. Yes the things that happen are OTT ridiculous but that just made me laugh more.
I love Noels job as a greeting card writer and the sarcastic and crude greetings she comes up with. I also liked how the dramas carried all the way through the book, for example Mr Ed and all the references that went along withs Sams (problem). Some points had tears coming to my eyes like Turd Ferguson the zombie cat and when Bev Noels mum eats to many special rice crispy treats.......
Finally the wedding was just one big mess and maybe a little to OTT. I will always have a little giggle every time I see fireworks from now on. If you are looking for a great laugh in between some heavy reading and do not mine some crude/rude humour, you should definitely read this series :)
I am in love with this family!!! I will read every book put out with this family in it :) I think it might have something to do with my family being a little nuts but nowhere near as nuts as the Holidays.
This instalment follows Noel and Sams life for the weeks leading up to their 4th of July wedding. Yes the things that happen are OTT ridiculous but that just made me laugh more.
I love Noels job as a greeting card writer and the sarcastic and crude greetings she comes up with. I also liked how the dramas carried all the way through the book, for example Mr Ed and all the references that went along withs Sams (problem). Some points had tears coming to my eyes like Turd Ferguson the zombie cat and when Bev Noels mum eats to many special rice crispy treats.......
Finally the wedding was just one big mess and maybe a little to OTT. I will always have a little giggle every time I see fireworks from now on. If you are looking for a great laugh in between some heavy reading and do not mine some crude/rude humour, you should definitely read this series :)
July 5, 2016
Funny as hell too, with so many LMAO moments, but the first two remain unbeatable!!! Nonetheless it's still one of the most hilarious series I have ever read!
I hope we have more from the Stocking-Holiday family!!! ;)
I hope we have more from the Stocking-Holiday family!!! ;)
July 18, 2016
This series is a lot of fun to read. Even though some of it is totally over the top it's still laugh out loud funny! I love Sam and Noel- their relationship is really sweet and they have great chemistry. I hope we get more books for these two. I would love to see them with kids!
Also - hint to Tara Sivec- Halloween is a great holiday to center a book around!!! :)
Also - hint to Tara Sivec- Halloween is a great holiday to center a book around!!! :)
August 29, 2017
Release Date: July 1, 2016
Genre: Romantic Comedy
The Fireworks Exploded is another hilarious addition to the Fireworks series. If you like dysfunctional families, accidental roofie situations, miscommunication that leads to major breakdowns and tears over butter, and a wedding that is overtaken by firework explosions (and scorched nether regions), this is the book (and series) is for you!
I will read ANYTHING that Tara Sivec writes. She just has a way with words and always manages to suck me into her stories. She can also successfully write both romantic comedies and emotional romances so her readers always get the best of both worlds. In this one, you get a laugh out loud romantic comedy. It follows Sam, Noel, and her goofy family as they get ready for their fourth of July wedding. Hijinks ensue of course and shit gets just plain crazy, but you'll fall in love anyway. If are unfamiliar with this series, be aware that the books must be read in order as they follow the same couple throughout. And trust me, you won't want to miss a minute of any of these stories!
Overall, I highly recommend this series to fans of romantic comedies and those who like to laugh and giggle snort- because you certainly will with this book. So grab your copies!
Genre: Romantic Comedy
The Fireworks Exploded is another hilarious addition to the Fireworks series. If you like dysfunctional families, accidental roofie situations, miscommunication that leads to major breakdowns and tears over butter, and a wedding that is overtaken by firework explosions (and scorched nether regions), this is the book (and series) is for you!
I will read ANYTHING that Tara Sivec writes. She just has a way with words and always manages to suck me into her stories. She can also successfully write both romantic comedies and emotional romances so her readers always get the best of both worlds. In this one, you get a laugh out loud romantic comedy. It follows Sam, Noel, and her goofy family as they get ready for their fourth of July wedding. Hijinks ensue of course and shit gets just plain crazy, but you'll fall in love anyway. If are unfamiliar with this series, be aware that the books must be read in order as they follow the same couple throughout. And trust me, you won't want to miss a minute of any of these stories!
Overall, I highly recommend this series to fans of romantic comedies and those who like to laugh and giggle snort- because you certainly will with this book. So grab your copies!
July 4, 2016
Enjoyed it, but not as much as the first two books in the series. I felt that at times, it tried too hard to be funny.
April 17, 2017
So freaking hilarious. I literally laughed out loud so many times.
“HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY, MOTHER FUCKERS! ’MURICA!”
“HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY, MOTHER FUCKERS! ’MURICA!”
August 26, 2017
4 Mister Ed Stars!
Not as good as Book 2 but still great. This book had even more inappropriate jokes which I didn't think was possible after reading the first two books in this series. Seriously, I had to google Shee Wee and I realized that is actually a thing.
I absolutely love the Holiday family! The love they have for each other in the midst of all their craziness is so endearing.
4 Stars
Contemporary Romantic Comedy
Heat Level: Mild
Series: Book 3 of 4 (must be read in order)
Dual POV
Not as good as Book 2 but still great. This book had even more inappropriate jokes which I didn't think was possible after reading the first two books in this series. Seriously, I had to google Shee Wee and I realized that is actually a thing.
I absolutely love the Holiday family! The love they have for each other in the midst of all their craziness is so endearing.
4 Stars
Contemporary Romantic Comedy
Heat Level: Mild
Series: Book 3 of 4 (must be read in order)
Dual POV
July 2, 2016
If you have read the first two books in this series, then you will know exactly what to expect with this one! Ornery, OTT, sometimes raunchy humor. This is the story of Sam and Noel's wedding (and the time leading up to it). With a family like the Holiday's, nothing will ever go smoothly. This group is a hazard to society and I wish I could hang out with them for a day. Was it far fetched? absolutely. ...was it over the top? absolutely. ...will I read a 4th book if it's released? Abso-freaking-lutely! Sam and Noel are head over heals so there is no cheating, no ow/om drama, no pushing away.....there was also no epilogue! Boo for that! I hope that means there will be more stories. If you are looking for a light hearted, funny read then this book is for you.
July 11, 2016
4 inappropriate stars!!!
Haha. This family always makes me laugh so much!!!! They are inappropriate unexpected loud dirty? The list is endless. But not any less funny.
Haha. This family always makes me laugh so much!!!! They are inappropriate unexpected loud dirty? The list is endless. But not any less funny.
June 25, 2018
The Holiday series by Tara Sivec is a series of novellas about Sam and Noel. They met at Christmas, got engaged on Valentine's Day and you guessed it; they are getting married on the Fourth of July.
I started this series because I was in need a totally mindless read during the hectic holiday season. And let me say this- this kind of over the top humor is not really my thing, BUT in small novella-sized doses, it works for me. Mostly because there is a very sweet love story that plays out throughout the series. I LOVE Sam. I love him and Noel together. They are the reason I continue this series.
I started this series because I was in need a totally mindless read during the hectic holiday season. And let me say this- this kind of over the top humor is not really my thing, BUT in small novella-sized doses, it works for me. Mostly because there is a very sweet love story that plays out throughout the series. I LOVE Sam. I love him and Noel together. They are the reason I continue this series.
July 6, 2016
3.5 Stars
Always a pleasure to read about the Holiday-Stocking crazies. The Shewee scene and the phone-vibrating scenes were hilarious. A little less extremeness in some scenes would've been good though i think, it was absurd, and i liked that, i like that it doesn't take itself seriously, and i love the characters in all their craziness, but sometimes there was a little too much OTT and i was left lost.
Always a pleasure to read about the Holiday-Stocking crazies. The Shewee scene and the phone-vibrating scenes were hilarious. A little less extremeness in some scenes would've been good though i think, it was absurd, and i liked that, i like that it doesn't take itself seriously, and i love the characters in all their craziness, but sometimes there was a little too much OTT and i was left lost.
November 25, 2023
Seriously LOVE these books! I was crying with laughter so many times while reading. I can’t get enough!
Hilarious is an understatement.
Hilarious is an understatement.
February 20, 2018
LOVED IT!!!
Really not much to say, quotes say it all!!!!
"This is what Bev used to do back in the day when Lucifer's Waterfall was upon us every month," he continues quietly. "She'd get me all docile and relaxed, and then BAM! She'd whittled a shiv out of a spatula and had it against my neck because I left the toilet seat up."
FUCK YOU, RICK AND DARYL!"
Really not much to say, quotes say it all!!!!
"This is what Bev used to do back in the day when Lucifer's Waterfall was upon us every month," he continues quietly. "She'd get me all docile and relaxed, and then BAM! She'd whittled a shiv out of a spatula and had it against my neck because I left the toilet seat up."
FUCK YOU, RICK AND DARYL!"
July 8, 2019
"By the power vested in me through the interwebs, I now pronounce you, Mr. and Mrs. Holiday-Stocking. Quite possibly the cheesiest last name in the history of the world, and I hope to God you don't hyphen it legally," Nicholas announces. "Sam, you may now kiss your bride.
I have said it before and I'm sure I'll be saying again at some point, I absolutely do not read series out of order if I can help it. But this time I made an exception. I stumbled across this, saw it was on KU, thought, "hey, how often do you see a book set on and around the 4th of July?" Then I thought, "holy shit, it is the 4th of July, well weekend, how can I pass that coincidence up, even if it's book three in a series I haven't read?" So, I decided to forsake my #1 rule and read book three first. I didn't even really read the blurb, I figured I know it'll be funny and silly and ridiculous since it's written by Tara Sivec. I'll be able to catch up if there's references to people and events that happened in the first two books. I was right, on all counts even. It was funny and silly and ridiculous. There was enough recapping when something was referenced that I could work it out. I loved Sam and Noel. Their friends and family were hilarious. I laughed really freaking hard at Turd Ferguson and the "elbow" scene and "Jizz Bucket Jessica" and the "butter" scene, and, and, and… It was all ridiculous, silly fun. But I still stand by my #1 rule. I know I would have really loved this, instead of just really liking it, if I had read it in order. I was able to work out everything just fine, sure, but I think I would have appreciated it all more if I had been invested from the start. Also, there were a lot of ridiculous things mentioned, and I really want all the ridiculous details of all those those ridiculous things.
So my experiment in reading out of order…probably not the best series to start with. Simply because it is a true series, not a collection of stand-alones that are interconnected. But the novelty of reading a 4th of July themed book over the 4th of July was too tempting. I know when I go and read books one and two that I'll most likely also read this one again. I'm willing to put money on the fact that when I do, I will love this story as opposed to just really liking it.
While she gets everything set up on a picnic table outside, I've spent the last hour trying to squeeze in a few more greeting card ideas.
"Even if your penis is broken, I'll still love you forever…because you protected me from a zombie cat," Scheva reads out loud as she looks over my shoulder at my laptop screen.
"I'm sorry you'll always hate Mister Ed…because Mister Ed actually means your dick is defunct."
"Please don't hate me because my family gave you high blood pressure…you should hate me because my coochie can't bring you to completion."
"I really want to have sex with you, but it always ends with one of us crying, because…elbow fisting."
"Everything sucks, nothing is good, blah, blah, blah…fuck you, fuck your mother, and fuck off."
I sigh loudly when Scheva finishes.
"Well, that last one is certainly direct and to the point, but I have to say, the elbow fisting one might be your personal best."
Slamming my head down on the dining room table, I thump it against the surface a few times before Scheva grabs a handful of my hair and yanks my head back up.
~
No one says a word until Reggie polishes off his glass of beer, slams it down on the bar behind us, and flicks my ear with his finger.
"OW! What was that for?" I complain, rubbing my stinging earlobe.
"What have I told you about eating butter or any other dairy product all over God's creation before you're married?" he asks.
"Um, that you'll cut off my dick and beat me with the bloody stump?" I ask tentatively.
"Exactly," Reggie nods. "Do you want me to cut off your dick and beat you with the bloody stump?"
I shake my head. "No, sir. I do not want you to cut off my dick and beat me with the bloody stump."
"Reggie, darling, you do realize that Sam and Noel live together, right? They've been cohabitating since February. I'm pretty sure there's been so much dairy consumption in that house, that we're now on a nationwide shortage because all the cows in the world have died from being milked dry," Aunt Bobbie tells him with a laugh.
"They live in separate bedrooms, at opposite ends of the house, and Noel puts a padlock on her door every night before she goes to bed like a good daughter. Isn't that right, Sam?" Reggie asks with a threatening raise of one eyebrow as he stares me down.
"Yep, you are absolutely correct. I even went out and bought her two more padlocks just to be safe," I add.
"And this is why I'm able to sleep at night and why you'll be able to walk down the aisle and marry my daughter without being dickless. Nobody likes a dickless groom, Sam. Nobody."
~
"Fine, let's just have sex then. I threw up all the vodka already so I'm good to go. And don't worry if you can't finish. I don't care if your penis doesn't find me attractive anymore, I still want to marry you. Just don't die, okay? And don't hate my family and haunt us forever if you do die and you're all pissed off at us when you go to heaven."
She takes a step toward me and even though my dick is still hard from whatever the fuck I just saw, I gently wrap my hands around her upper arms and stop her from pressing her body against mine.
"I really hope you meant it when you said you threw up all the vodka, because we need to talk and I don't want you to be too drunk and out of it for this," I tell her softly.
"Right. Talk. I forgot we needed to do that," she mumbles. "Quick, ask me a question I'd know if I was sober."
"What's thirty-five times seven?" I ask.
"Oh my God! I said a question I'd know if I was sober. Two plus two is potato and math is stupid," she complains.
"Fine, do you still love me and want to marry me?" I question in a low voice.
"Absolutely, without a doubt, one-hundred percent," she immediately answers.
~
The door bursts open and Alex stands there breathing heavily, his white dress shirt partially untucked and stained in several places by what looks like black soot, his grey tie all askew and flung over his shoulder as he stares at us with wide eyes.
"You two look nice and satisfied, that should make what's about to happen a little easier," he informs us, plastering a fake smile on his face and clapping his hands together. "Let's go, assholes, it's time to get married! Just keep your eyes open and your head covered at all times. Sam, you go first and get to the front of the aisle as fast as you can, I'll escort Noel out to meet her father at the back. Hopefully by the time we get out there, the band will start playing and calm everyone down."
Alex starts jumping up and down frantically and flinging his arms in windmill patterns toward the door when neither of us move. Sam gives me a quick peck on the cheek and races from the room before Alex hurts himself.
I have said it before and I'm sure I'll be saying again at some point, I absolutely do not read series out of order if I can help it. But this time I made an exception. I stumbled across this, saw it was on KU, thought, "hey, how often do you see a book set on and around the 4th of July?" Then I thought, "holy shit, it is the 4th of July, well weekend, how can I pass that coincidence up, even if it's book three in a series I haven't read?" So, I decided to forsake my #1 rule and read book three first. I didn't even really read the blurb, I figured I know it'll be funny and silly and ridiculous since it's written by Tara Sivec. I'll be able to catch up if there's references to people and events that happened in the first two books. I was right, on all counts even. It was funny and silly and ridiculous. There was enough recapping when something was referenced that I could work it out. I loved Sam and Noel. Their friends and family were hilarious. I laughed really freaking hard at Turd Ferguson and the "elbow" scene and "Jizz Bucket Jessica" and the "butter" scene, and, and, and… It was all ridiculous, silly fun. But I still stand by my #1 rule. I know I would have really loved this, instead of just really liking it, if I had read it in order. I was able to work out everything just fine, sure, but I think I would have appreciated it all more if I had been invested from the start. Also, there were a lot of ridiculous things mentioned, and I really want all the ridiculous details of all those those ridiculous things.
So my experiment in reading out of order…probably not the best series to start with. Simply because it is a true series, not a collection of stand-alones that are interconnected. But the novelty of reading a 4th of July themed book over the 4th of July was too tempting. I know when I go and read books one and two that I'll most likely also read this one again. I'm willing to put money on the fact that when I do, I will love this story as opposed to just really liking it.
While she gets everything set up on a picnic table outside, I've spent the last hour trying to squeeze in a few more greeting card ideas.
"Even if your penis is broken, I'll still love you forever…because you protected me from a zombie cat," Scheva reads out loud as she looks over my shoulder at my laptop screen.
"I'm sorry you'll always hate Mister Ed…because Mister Ed actually means your dick is defunct."
"Please don't hate me because my family gave you high blood pressure…you should hate me because my coochie can't bring you to completion."
"I really want to have sex with you, but it always ends with one of us crying, because…elbow fisting."
"Everything sucks, nothing is good, blah, blah, blah…fuck you, fuck your mother, and fuck off."
I sigh loudly when Scheva finishes.
"Well, that last one is certainly direct and to the point, but I have to say, the elbow fisting one might be your personal best."
Slamming my head down on the dining room table, I thump it against the surface a few times before Scheva grabs a handful of my hair and yanks my head back up.
~
No one says a word until Reggie polishes off his glass of beer, slams it down on the bar behind us, and flicks my ear with his finger.
"OW! What was that for?" I complain, rubbing my stinging earlobe.
"What have I told you about eating butter or any other dairy product all over God's creation before you're married?" he asks.
"Um, that you'll cut off my dick and beat me with the bloody stump?" I ask tentatively.
"Exactly," Reggie nods. "Do you want me to cut off your dick and beat you with the bloody stump?"
I shake my head. "No, sir. I do not want you to cut off my dick and beat me with the bloody stump."
"Reggie, darling, you do realize that Sam and Noel live together, right? They've been cohabitating since February. I'm pretty sure there's been so much dairy consumption in that house, that we're now on a nationwide shortage because all the cows in the world have died from being milked dry," Aunt Bobbie tells him with a laugh.
"They live in separate bedrooms, at opposite ends of the house, and Noel puts a padlock on her door every night before she goes to bed like a good daughter. Isn't that right, Sam?" Reggie asks with a threatening raise of one eyebrow as he stares me down.
"Yep, you are absolutely correct. I even went out and bought her two more padlocks just to be safe," I add.
"And this is why I'm able to sleep at night and why you'll be able to walk down the aisle and marry my daughter without being dickless. Nobody likes a dickless groom, Sam. Nobody."
~
"Fine, let's just have sex then. I threw up all the vodka already so I'm good to go. And don't worry if you can't finish. I don't care if your penis doesn't find me attractive anymore, I still want to marry you. Just don't die, okay? And don't hate my family and haunt us forever if you do die and you're all pissed off at us when you go to heaven."
She takes a step toward me and even though my dick is still hard from whatever the fuck I just saw, I gently wrap my hands around her upper arms and stop her from pressing her body against mine.
"I really hope you meant it when you said you threw up all the vodka, because we need to talk and I don't want you to be too drunk and out of it for this," I tell her softly.
"Right. Talk. I forgot we needed to do that," she mumbles. "Quick, ask me a question I'd know if I was sober."
"What's thirty-five times seven?" I ask.
"Oh my God! I said a question I'd know if I was sober. Two plus two is potato and math is stupid," she complains.
"Fine, do you still love me and want to marry me?" I question in a low voice.
"Absolutely, without a doubt, one-hundred percent," she immediately answers.
~
The door bursts open and Alex stands there breathing heavily, his white dress shirt partially untucked and stained in several places by what looks like black soot, his grey tie all askew and flung over his shoulder as he stares at us with wide eyes.
"You two look nice and satisfied, that should make what's about to happen a little easier," he informs us, plastering a fake smile on his face and clapping his hands together. "Let's go, assholes, it's time to get married! Just keep your eyes open and your head covered at all times. Sam, you go first and get to the front of the aisle as fast as you can, I'll escort Noel out to meet her father at the back. Hopefully by the time we get out there, the band will start playing and calm everyone down."
Alex starts jumping up and down frantically and flinging his arms in windmill patterns toward the door when neither of us move. Sam gives me a quick peck on the cheek and races from the room before Alex hurts himself.
July 20, 2016
The Firework Exploded (The Holidays 3) by Tara Sivec
Romantic Comedy. Does not stand alone.
I was mourning the end of my beloved series, The Chocolate Lovers & Chocoholics Series by Tara Sivec. I thought there was no way I would ever laugh a tampon out of my vag or a Dorito out of my nose again. Then The Holidays Series started, and yeah, it happened again. Weirdly enough, Tara releases books with my cycle, because I swear, I have had this issue too many times. But luckily, I was wearing a pad, because I laughed so hard I totally tinkled. More than once.
This review is so hard! I have like 75 different highlights, and I want to share a few, but I don't want to give anything away.
The Firework Exploded is the 3rd in the Holidays family series by Tara Sivec, and you really need to start at the beginning and get to know the crazy Holiday family and friends. The Firework Exploded is obviously centered around the 4th of July, which is also the weekend Sam and Noel decide to get married. The story begins with the wedding, then goes back a month.
Sam is having a little problem 'sealing the deal'. The story begins with Sam and Noel doing the nasty, and like every guy should, he made sure she was satisfied first. Then he kept going, and going, and going.... I was literally craphing (cry laughing) during this scene because I have been there. A lot. And, not to get too TMI-ish, but Mr. Ana is not a small guy, and I have felt this "when each thrust feels like it's going to start a small forest fire because all the wetness from my orgasm has long since fled the coop." And I totally start calculating how many hours I can sleep if it ends soon, just like Noel. Don't get me wrong, I love Mr. Ana, and he is amazing in bed. But he is never quick, and ever the gentleman, I'm always first to the finish line. So I was totally relating, and you know how when you can relate it's even funnier.
The problem was, Sam wasn't able to seal the deal at all. So of course, Noel thought it was her, and started getting easily riled up (well not that easily, if you have toilet seat wars at home, you'll get this), and instead of discussing the problem (also known as 'Mister Ed'), she took it out on him in other ways.
"I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A TOILET SEAT COVER-PEEING STUPID PEEING HEADED PEE'ER!"..."NO SHEET FOR YOU PISSY MCPISSERSON FROM THE CITY OF PISSVILLE IN THE STATE OF TOILET SEAT COVER PISS!"
Besides that, Noel finds some medication she didn't know Sam was taking and she thinks it is her and her family's fault. They caused him to need meds! So she works hard to keep Sam as calm as possible during the wedding planning. But with Noel's frightening dairy-obsessed father, transgender Aunt Bobbie, a Zombie cat, elbow fisting, butter, a scary relative, and crazy Scheva and Alex, staying calm is not an option.
"Everything sucks, nothing is good, blah, blah blah...fuck you, fuck your mother, and fuck off."
Speaking of Scheva and Alex, I FUCKING LOVE THEM. They are the Holiday's Jenny & Drew, and I loved Scheva and Noel's friendship.
"Did we just have a moment, Fuck knuckle?" I ask with a laugh.
"Pretty sure we did, Dick Cheese. Can we stop now? All of these feelings and shit are starting to give me hives."
Scheva's drunk texts! OMG!
"I want to butter your penis like a slice of toast....We're gonna burn this mother' fuckin' house to the ground...Do you like Amish people? Circle yes or no...You can watch me pee and we'll talk, we'll call it Tinkle Talk."
When Noel and Sam decide to not have sex until after the wedding so Noel's dad doesn't cut off his dick and beat him with the bloody stump, things get even crazier.
"Dial that phone, bitch, DIAL IT!"
And honestly, that's just the beginning. The Holidays are like a dirty National Lampoon movie, but even funnier.
Likes:
•Nobody else can make me laugh out loud and still LOVE her characters like Tara Sivec.
•Scheva is one of my favorite book characters ever.
•As over-the-top the book is, it never goes too far, or ever seems to try too hard.
•Turd Ferguson and Fat Ralph :)
•Behind all the zany antics is a lot of sweet.
•That they are all real (crazy) people, not billionaires, rock stars, bodyguards, MMA fighters, or stepbrothers.
•As crazy as they are, this family truly loves each other.
•The poem about Scheva lol.
•The acknowledgements #PDS (sorry for an inside joke).
•The mention of lots of authors we know and love.
•The tie-in with Seduction & Snacks.
•RICE KRISPIE TREATS!
Dislikes:
•Tara needs to write a crappy book so people won't think I'm just a fan girl who always gives her 5 stars. But I can't help it, I loved the crap out of The Firework Exploded.
The Down & Dirty:
With rom-coms being the new thing in books, there have been a lot of really great comedies lately. But nobody makes me laugh like Tara Sivec. She is over-the-top without being stupid. You totally want to meet all of her characters, and Scheva is my new fave! She is the Jenny of the Holidays (but not really stupid, just drunk lol). Filled with real people, real love, and total craziness, I kind of want to join The Holidays on their next adventure in real life. But maybe not, knowing this group, they's probably light my hair on fire doing bong hits.
Rating: 5 Stars, 4 Heat
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See my review of The Stocking Was Hung
See my review of Cupid has a Heart-On
July 5, 2016
Unfortunately, this wasn't the best in the series. The over-the-top characters and the unrealistic situations took over the story. I felt that the situations were too drawn out and had no real point except to try to produce some laughs. If I can mentally edit those parts out, I can say that I still enjoy Sam and Noel and am hoping that if this series continues that TS will go back to what was initially great, which is the connection between Sam and Noel.
April 24, 2024
Still very much love The Holidays! The humor is way over the top and for the most part I loved it. There were a few times that it can be a bit too much but it also may be because I'm reading this series back to back. It might be best spread out. Very funny though.
July 1, 2016
“The firework is lit, but never explodes.”
The Holiday’s series by Tara Sivec is a fun and silly series and this newest book, The Firework Exploded is no different. Now don’t go into this story (or series) looking for high drama, which should be evident by the covers and blurbs but just in case, but expect to laugh your ass off and have a simple happy and silly feeling.
‘There is no way I’m going to let the love of my life die from a heart attack or never be able to have sex with me again just because my family if certifiable.’
Noel and Sam are at it again with their extended crazy crew and the antics are high and the situational humor is on point. With their wedding looming the constant meddling of their friends and family the stress is rising with everyday and now they get to add Sam’s inability to cross the finish line, if you know what I mean, to the list of everything that could go wrong. Noel and Sam have the sweetest relationship at the root of all the insane antics, I really do enjoy them and the extended cast is constantly making me giggle and even laughing out loud.
“I really want to have sex with you, but it always ends with one of us crying, because . . elbow fisting.”
All in all, The Firework Exploded, is a fast and fun read that makes for a great escape from the reality of life. If you like to laugh and enjoy over the top humor than this will be just right for you.
~miranda
The Holiday’s series by Tara Sivec is a fun and silly series and this newest book, The Firework Exploded is no different. Now don’t go into this story (or series) looking for high drama, which should be evident by the covers and blurbs but just in case, but expect to laugh your ass off and have a simple happy and silly feeling.
‘There is no way I’m going to let the love of my life die from a heart attack or never be able to have sex with me again just because my family if certifiable.’
Noel and Sam are at it again with their extended crazy crew and the antics are high and the situational humor is on point. With their wedding looming the constant meddling of their friends and family the stress is rising with everyday and now they get to add Sam’s inability to cross the finish line, if you know what I mean, to the list of everything that could go wrong. Noel and Sam have the sweetest relationship at the root of all the insane antics, I really do enjoy them and the extended cast is constantly making me giggle and even laughing out loud.
“I really want to have sex with you, but it always ends with one of us crying, because . . elbow fisting.”
All in all, The Firework Exploded, is a fast and fun read that makes for a great escape from the reality of life. If you like to laugh and enjoy over the top humor than this will be just right for you.
~miranda
June 11, 2016
5 Stars
“Just give me a few minutes to recover and we can try again!” If my vagina had a voice and hands, she’d most likely scream, “THE F@K YOU SAY?” while smacking me across the face. THIS right here is why I love Tara and one of the many reasons I loved this book!
This is the family from hell, they are hilarious, accident prone, and honestly one of the best I have ever read.
Sam and Noel really need to learn the value of communication, the fact that they haven’t allots for some really funny moments!
Laugh out loud funny, you will be laughing long after the reading has stopped. I giggled all night long and again in the morning just thinking about this book.
Who knew a trip down the aisle could be so dangerous. Add fireworks, a zombie cat, some twisted relatives and a whole quirky family and you have another smash hit that will leave you laughing until your ribs hurt.
“Just give me a few minutes to recover and we can try again!” If my vagina had a voice and hands, she’d most likely scream, “THE F@K YOU SAY?” while smacking me across the face. THIS right here is why I love Tara and one of the many reasons I loved this book!
This is the family from hell, they are hilarious, accident prone, and honestly one of the best I have ever read.
Sam and Noel really need to learn the value of communication, the fact that they haven’t allots for some really funny moments!
Laugh out loud funny, you will be laughing long after the reading has stopped. I giggled all night long and again in the morning just thinking about this book.
Who knew a trip down the aisle could be so dangerous. Add fireworks, a zombie cat, some twisted relatives and a whole quirky family and you have another smash hit that will leave you laughing until your ribs hurt.
July 9, 2016
Oh Good Lord! Tara Sivec writes comedy like no other. Everytime I read one her books my stomach hurts from laughing and anyone in the room thinks I have lost my mind.
The Holiday family is Inappropriately Hilarious!! I love them.
Noel and Sam are getting married and since the family is involved you know nothing will be normal or go as planned. And it doesnt!! Zombie cats, very strange butter incidents, drug laced Rice Crispy Treats, erectile dysfunction, and more made this a book I couldn't put down. It honestly had me tears at times from laughter and a few touching moments choked me up a bit.
I hope we see more from this loveable chaos of a family!
The Holiday family is Inappropriately Hilarious!! I love them.
Noel and Sam are getting married and since the family is involved you know nothing will be normal or go as planned. And it doesnt!! Zombie cats, very strange butter incidents, drug laced Rice Crispy Treats, erectile dysfunction, and more made this a book I couldn't put down. It honestly had me tears at times from laughter and a few touching moments choked me up a bit.
I hope we see more from this loveable chaos of a family!
July 6, 2016
Funny and cute in typical Sivec fashion. I have come to love and enjoy the Holiday family and their quirky stories. I could read about them every holiday, every year for eternity.
As always, things are over-the-top. It's expected and I'd be pissed if Tara held back in any way. Aunt Bobbie is still the best, but Reggie is a close second with all his milk references. LOL
And, I have an all new appreciation for Mr. Ed.
(Note: the editing could use some work. Creaton in place of cretin. A few incorrect uses of your/you're. And other minor issues. While they don't take away from the story, they are small things that someone should have caught before this was published.)
As always, things are over-the-top. It's expected and I'd be pissed if Tara held back in any way. Aunt Bobbie is still the best, but Reggie is a close second with all his milk references. LOL
And, I have an all new appreciation for Mr. Ed.
(Note: the editing could use some work. Creaton in place of cretin. A few incorrect uses of your/you're. And other minor issues. While they don't take away from the story, they are small things that someone should have caught before this was published.)
April 15, 2018
Crazy over the top read!! does that mean i didn't enjoy it NO!! i just didn't enjoy it as much as the first two books. There still was some hilarious moments and Tara Sivec really knows how to bring all the crazies together.
July 5, 2016
Love this series, Tara Sivec never fails to make me laugh. I really hope there is more of the Holiday family.
July 9, 2016
Loved this series, too funny
February 1, 2024
Fun and funny! The crassness almost went too far, I still enjoyed it though. Very typical Tara Sivec, if you like that, you will enjoy this series as well.
January 2, 2018
Another crazy adventure in the Holiday family.
It is 4th of July and there is a wedding, a fireworks, bald drag queens, stripers, crazy family members.
It is a nuthouse. Love the madness of it.
I feel like Alex the bff is version of Drew from Chocolate lovers, love that as well.
It is 4th of July and there is a wedding, a fireworks, bald drag queens, stripers, crazy family members.
It is a nuthouse. Love the madness of it.
I feel like Alex the bff is version of Drew from Chocolate lovers, love that as well.
February 3, 2020
The covers still continue to burn my eyeballs but the story is cute and funny even if it is over the top. But damn, Sam, with all your love for romance novels, you all sure still have communication issues and honey we’re on the third book now. Step it up.
February 9, 2018
This is the third book in the Holiday series and they just keep getting funnier!! I love how crazy the family is. Just when you think nothing else could happen some crazy shit goes on.
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