Teaching Snapping Turtles How to Chew Bubblegum

by Jonathan Heatt

Trying to reason with a Republican (or Democrat) is like teaching a snapping turtle how to chew bubblegum. This conclusion birthed the title of my book. Teaching Snapping Turtles is an opinionated nonfiction book about American society in the 21st Century. The problem with politics is that both parties believe they're right. No matter what. Only the other person needs to change. The shell is a happy place.

Contemporary society is diseased. Violent. Corrupt. Many people sleepwalk and wade through life with no purpose. Gun violence continues unabated and unaddressed by our mercenary politicians. Wealth continues to be consolidated by the few; a sociopathic symptom of Capitalism.

Americans suffer from hunger pains of which they know not. A spiritual void pervades society - not a religious one, but a sense of purpose eludes the bulk of our populace. Buy and Consume are momentary reprieves that leave a person feeling empty. Teaching Snapping Turtles is merely a mirror of truth of the insane times we live in. Gun sales increase as tragedies grace the front pages. Unless we immediately change as a people then there will only be more Sandy Hooks.

The truth shouldn't always be pretty and polite. Truth can be vulgar. Jonathan Heatt questions everything Americans hold guns, capitalism, religion, sports, violent movies... and highlights the harm these things are having on Humanity. Teaching Snapping Turtles is a big dose of penicillin for the entire country - a vital injection of reason that defies demographics.

Audible Audio

First published March 31, 2014

About the author

I'm an American writer with an insatiable appetite for butchering the English language. I write fiction, nonfiction, poetry, short stories, screenplays, and other inauspicious scribblings. If I had any sense I would've learned how to write code for computer programs.

When I'm not writing, I like to eat, drink, breathe, and trim toenails. Judging by the length of my tree climbers it's obvious I write quite often.

My new novel is Highway of Tears. Two college graduates take a road trip on the deadliest highway in North America. The novel is based on the terrifying real story of Highway 16 in British Columbia, nicknamed the Highway of Tears.

My new poetry book is Bedouin in a Fallen Desert, a collection of poems written by a Las Vegas author from 2020 through 2025 detailing his observations of the Covid years, political upheavals, the erosion of civil liberties, American divisiveness, and massive depopulation initiatives.

Basically a time capsule of living in a clown world, the author extols the importance of freedom in the 21st century while mixing in humor, mysticism, and admiration for a beneficial green plant.