What to Do When He Won't Change: Saving Your Marriage When He Is Angry, Selfish, Unhappy, or Avoids You

by Jack Ito

Has your partner become an angry, selfish, unhappy, or avoidant person?

Does he refuse to go to counseling or work on your relationship?

Would you like a way to make things better without having to end your relationship or threaten to?

In What To Do When He Won’t Change, you will learn the four major motivations that drive men’s behavior in relationships.

You can then use the down to earth examples and win-win interventions to work with your partner’s motivations rather than against them.

The result?

Faster change with less conflict.

For more than two decades, psychologist, relationship coach, and intervention specialist, Jack Ito PhD has been coaching people to save their “on the brink” relationships.

For the first time, you have a diagnostic quiz, checklists, and step by step examples for doing these interventions on your own.

Genres: Marriage

Audible Audio

First published December 21, 2011

Reviews

[Danielle Lardeo · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a DNF. I had a lot of trouble getting through the beginning because it really felt like the author's answer was that in order to change your husband you had to change yourself. While I can agree that changes to communication styles etc. can prove beneficial I did not appreciate the feeling that it rested on my shoulders to help my husband improve himself. I am his wife not his mom.

That being said, it is possible this book has genuine strategies in it and I'm just unable to swallow my pride to get there. Take my review with a grain of salt.

[Louisa Bauman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gives you lots to think about

Lots of good advice in this book, which summed up is 'Change your own way of doing things, and then he will change too." Gives specific examples of what to say and do in many situations to improve the relationship. It would work where both partners are committed to the marriage. The sooner the better to read this, before the marriage is beyond saving.

[Eden · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this when I was in an abusive marriage years ago.

A lot of the advice is good, but it lead me to think that an abusive situation could be changed. If your relationship is abusive, leaving that relationship is really the only option for your safety. Abusers rarely change, even more rarely while partnered. It has been a while since I read this, so it's possible that this was mentioned in the book.

If your relationship is not abusive, this book could be helpful.

[alicia olson]

I have read nearly a dozen marriage-type books over the course of the past few years. This book is gold. It works and is really helpful. I am in disbelief over how great my relationship is when we were on the brink of divorce. I highly recommend this to anyone who is contemplating divorce or is in a bad way with their relationship.

[DEANNE CASNER · Rating 5 out of 5]

Relationship truth! Wife help us here

Helped me learn the true meaning of Love. This book covered both sides husband and wife. A life saving book.

[MaA · Rating 5 out of 5]

To the point, great

He has the goals listed and gives enough examples to understand. I would definitely recommend. Good read and easy to follow.

[Riccardo · Rating 2 out of 5]

Probably a bad sign if you find your partner reading this. The book is a chance to vent your anger at your partner and have the author validate your grandiose self pity. Be wary of a author who without having met you seems certain that your relationship problems are your partners doing. If your partner is angry and selfish you shouldn't have married them and you should leave. If your partner avoids you, it might mean you are not nice to be around. If they are unhappy, they might be depressed or stressed and you may or may not be contributing. You could consider your role in the whole experience. Usually relationship issues are due to both parties, and fixing them means both parties need to accept responsibility and change
This is not a serious relationship book, but more in the realm of catharsis and validation when you are pissed of at your partner. And maybe you have good reason to be angry, because he may well be selfish and angry. I have no idea, I've never even met him.

[Iyadunni Adegoke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Empathetic and truthful

This was a book that showed the flaws on both sides of arelationship. Could it be the empathy and honesty that the author showed to its readers that makes me connect and immediately embark on making changes of my own?

This book is more than the steps to success kind of book. It shows human frailties and teaches how to overcome it in relationships.

I will most definitely recommend this book to anyone in search of answers regarding their relationships or for themselves