Tropes: villain redemption, bi-awakening
Feels: 2/5
Steam*: 3.5/5
Kinks: n/a
Angst: medium
HEA: yes
Pairing: MM
Triggers/potential icks/content warnings: tons of sex with OM far too deep into the book - on page and rubbed in the other Mmc's face, panic attacks, homophobia, internalized homophobia, unsafe sex (which I especially thought was irresponsible given how sexually active Beau is / how many different partners he had, not getting tested before starting things with Max, having sex with others right up until the day he has sex with Max)
I feel like I should start this with, I am a Cora fan. I love her books. Many of her books are comfort rereads that I love to revisit. But this book was an utter fail for me. Pains me to say it!
Max is 30. He is Magnus's brother, and he's been homophobic in the past. He's upset by the estrangement between him and Magnus and he wants to get him back in his life. He starts questioning the homophobic culture he was raised in, he goes to therapy, he tries to educate and improve himself. He puts in the work. That leads him to hang out at a gay bar trying to understand people, where he meets Beau, a gay man who strikes up a talk and then a subsequent friendship with him. From the beginning he's attracted to Beau, he just doesn't know himself well enough to recognize it.
Beau is 26. Out and with a very accepting family. He's never been in a relationship before, he's all about hookups. He starts up a friendship with Max kind of out of nowhere, you don't really understand what was driving his character to kind of reach out and need that connection.
I'm a huge Cora fan. But this book was not for me. I wanted to dnf but I'm too OCD to leave books unfinished and I had hope that it would quickly get better.
I'm okay with characters hooking up a lot and having a past. I'm not a prude, and I don't s*** shame. But it is a hard no for me, for it to play out the way that it did in this particular book. Beau's hookups basically took a hatchet to the love story and special connection that was developing between him and Max. I will say, it is very realistic in real life for Beau's sex life to play out the way it did. But this is a romance book. Who wants to read about a MMC constantly f******, lusting after, and even having romantic feelings for other people as the relationship and emotional connection is developing with the other MMC? And have the other MMC Max hear and see the hookups, get it rubbed in his face, when he has feelings for Beau? Definitely not slut shaming. But the way it played out is not a romance I want to read. And it seriously made me question whether Beau had deep enough feelings for Max if he could just fuck around the way he was. Even once Beau stopped having sex with other people, there were a lot of things that Beau thought and said where I really questioned his feelings for Max. I don't think Beau was a good match for Max. The book became more palatable once Beau stop hooking up with other people, but their relationship wasn't ever great to me.
This book gave me such a book hangover in a bad way. I literally didn't want to even write the review because I didn't want to think more about what happened in this book because it was so ugly. So I'm literally going to write this review and then try not to think about this book and forget about it. Most Cora books are keepers for me and constant comfort rereads. There are some Cora books that I have read like five times. This one is a never again.
My thoughts/reactions while reading this book:
- The night Beau and Max met, they spent hours together talking and bonding. Forming a connection, smiling at each other. And Beau ends the night saying he's going to go find a hookup for the night. And he does. And even from the very beginning, that just took the wind out of Max's sails, hurt his feelings, and sat in an ugly pit in his stomach.
- Over the next 2 weeks, Beau hooks up with a different person almost everyday. Every time he's talking to Max he's either just hooked up with someone, has a guy in his bed, is leaving Max to go have sex with somebody, or he's telling Max about his hookups and about how sore his ass is or how good the dick was. And yeah Max isn't in touch enough with his sexuality right away to recognize that he's attracted to Beau, and that what he's feeling is jealousy, but he sure feels hurt and like s***. It's painful to watch it play out.
- It's not even just sex. Max sees that Beau really likes some of these guys, that they make him blush, that Beau is crushing on them, has history with some of them. Beau has feelings. He's also strongly lusting after these other guys. What he feels for Max doesn't feel special at all.
- At 35%, there is on page sex between Beau and Diego, and Max sees them. Max later tells Beau that he saw it, Beau is embarrassed and says he's sorry Max saw, and Max says he found it sexy. I think Cora was trying to make Max witnessing all these things part of his sexual awakening but it was incredibly unnecessary for it to go this far and so long. I can't believe we were 35% in and this was still going on. And it was out of character for Max to make it sound like he wasn't hurt by the Diego hookup, because he was literally curled up in a ball sad after many of Beau's other hookups. It was also just so rude of Beau to hook up with Diego in this situation. He had taken Max home with him and they were hanging out as friends, and he literally ditched Max to go get railed by Diego. It's just bad form as a friend to ditch your friend in an unfamiliar place to go get laid, unless you have a really accepting friendship where this kind of thing is normal and encouraged.
- Max has been celibate for 2 years. And at the 40% mark he finally decides to try to hook up with a woman. And he couldn't get hard with her, he could barely bring himself to kiss her. To me, Beau should have gotten to that same point - other men should have stopped working for him, he should have been so preoccupied with thoughts of Max that he wanted him. It didn't have to be right away, that wouldn't be realistic. But he was actively having sex with other people right up until the very day he hooked up with Max for the first time. I wanted to see that Beau had feelings and Max was on his mind, but he wasn't. There was never a point during this book where I felt like Beau loved Max, their relationship on Beau's side always just seemed sexual plus friendship. I didn't feel like Beau deserved Max or like he was a good match for Max or wanted the same things as Max. Beau always seems like he was reluctantly dragged along into a more committed relationship then what he wanted with Max.
- fyi, first hook up at 42%. As soon as Max admitted he was attracted to Beau, they had a mutual masturbation session. First kiss wasn't until 57%.
- At the 80% mark, Max wants them to move in together. Yeah they've only been together for 2 months or so, it's early. I could have understood if they had a rational conversation. I didn't like how it played out though. I don't like that Max has to beg and seem pitiful for Beau to agree to move in. It's like Beau doesn't have equal feelings and he gives in literally to avoid an argument, we see that in his POV. I don't feel like he deserves Max, he doesn't feel as deeply. It's an unequal emotional relationship.
- At 85%, Max is telling Beau that he plans to put Beau on his house title. You really shouldn't do that at the two month mark. Max seems stupid. And the fact that Beau doesn't object makes him seem like a bit of a gold digger, he shouldn't just accept half of a house! Beau in my mind needs to contribute more to this relationship than just sex.
Things I enjoyed:
- Sem coming over to Max's house to threaten him, because he was worried about Max hurting Magnus emotionally. So in character for Sem!
- all the times Sem and Magnus interacted, their happy family
- Max calling Beau Bow-tie as a nickname
- I know Max is a past villain but he's such a sweetheart. Max is a great mmc. I wish Beau had been a more deserving book boyfriend. This book could have been so much better if Beau had stronger feelings and the Beau/Max sex lives had played out more like Caleb and Whit had in one of Cora's past books.
Some notable moments:
Aw, sweet of Max to have that tender non-sexual need to touch Beau. "Max leans his forehead against my stomach and presses his lips to my skin, something he does every time he gets me off with his mouth. It makes butterflies flutter in my stomach without fail. It’s so tender, so sweet."
Max is so sweet. "“I don’t ever want to sleep without you. Don’t make me do that again, Bow-tie,” I tell him, and he huffs a laugh. “I know, Max. I could tell by how you stood outside my bedroom door for hours.” “Not your bedroom. This isn’t your room, Bow-tie. This is a guest room and you’re not one. You’re mine. Mine. Label it whatever the fuck you want. If you want to get married, I’ll drive you to Vegas tomorrow and we’ll sign the certificate.”"
"“I kind of want a flamethrower now,” I say, and Sem hears me. “It’s a good investment.” “It is a terrible idea. Do not let him have it,” Magnus chimes in. “Pretty soon, it’s not just a flamethrower but a potato gun and homemade bomb material.”"
*FYI about steam: I rate steam based on a combination of quality & quantity. I note kink separate from steam because I don't want to underrate steamy reads that don't have much kink.
**Note about spoilers: I like to comment on the plot of a book in reviews, so I almost always mark my reviews as containing spoilers. But I try to avoid spoiling the big dramatic moments! As a reader, I personally like to know what I'm getting into before I read a book so I know more about the content and if it's to my taste/mood, so I try to give that information in my reviews for myself when I'm considering rereading and also for other readers.