The Survivor's Quest: Recovery After Encountering Evil

by HealingJourney

Sometimes, evil does not translate into violence or murder. Sometimes, evil can be difficult to detect. It can be masked by charm and flattery, and it is often perpetuated by pathological lying, projection, and various other mind games. No matter how hidden it may be, evil always devastates—and isolates—any normal person who is touched by it.

The Survivor’s Quest is written by HealingJourney, the former target of a psychopathic predator. He presented himself to her as a “nice guy,” but he turned out to be the precise opposite. As a result of the encounter and its sudden end, HealingJourney found herself overwhelmed by despair. But she soon realized that she was not alone in her new understanding of humanity, and she was able to find her way out of the darkness. Throughout the book, she shares the struggles and triumphs she experienced during her recovery. She also offers validation, encouragement, and practical strategies for her fellow survivors.

If you have been hurt by someone with a personality disorder and are looking for recovery support, this book is for you.

110 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 3, 2014

Reviews

[The Story Girl (Serenity) · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of quotes under the cut.

❀ Sadly and unfortunately , the image you have in your mind of the person you loved is a cruel lie — that person never existed . He or she was only a mask that the psychopath generated in order to manipulate you . So , as crushingly hard as it is and as much as it hurts , the only way to find freedom , the only way to start the healing process , is to stop believing in that person . Do your very best to let go of the dream . Because when you let go , that is when you will start to find the real you .

❀ let go of the illusion that you have found the perfect partner for you .

❀ You may believe that contacting him or her will relieve the pain , and for a moment , it may . In the end , however , the pain will return and be even more severe . Contact opens the door for the psychopath to play with your mind and crush your heart further , and it makes the cognitive dissonance worse . Therefore , the more you can see and accept the truth that the psychopath never cared for you and was intentionally trying to hurt you , the easier it will be to stay away . And by sticking with No Contact , you will begin to heal .

❀ unable to truly connect with other people . They are unable to have true empathy for others , they are incapable of compassion , and they do not suffer , because they cannot relate to emotional pain . They live a life devoid of true pleasure , unable to enjoy a sunset or the company of an animal or another person . They only get temporary , meaningless thrills out of things like sex or food or deceiving and manipulating others .

❀ Their emptiness also makes them chronically bored . The boredom is almost painful for them , and they will do anything to alleviate it . This contributes to their tendency to act impulsively and recklessly ; for instance , it is very common for psychopaths to become addicted to alcohol , sex , and drugs . And ultimately , they will do anything and everything to get rid of their boredom because , having no conscience and no empathy , they do not care who gets hurt in the process .

❀ When psychopaths project , they are giving their targets camouflaged clues . They talk about how other people cheat or lie or hurt others , as if they abhor such behavior , when in fact they are describing themselves . And during the devalue phase of their “ relationships , ” they often project this negativity on to their targets , in an effort to make their victims doubt themselves . It also has the effect of making targets feel as if they are going crazy .

❀ Psychopaths tell their targets exactly who they are , but they do it in such a way that it is impossible for victims to understand the consequences of the horrible statements . Targets might hear comments like , “ You shouldn’t be with me ” or “ I’ve never had a good relationship ” or “ I wanted to hurt someone . ”

❀ Psychopaths see nothing wrong with using people and then throwing them away . They feel completely justified in lying , cheating , stealing , and manipulating others .

❀ But , there are other people who lie habitually , with the intent to deceive and manipulate others for their own personal gain , and they do not feel bad about doing it . In fact , they revel in it . These people are pathological liars , and they are psychopaths .

❀ “ Deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior . ”

❀ evasion and by withholding information . They lie as a form of gaslighting , in order to increase their control over their targets by making them constantly question themselves . They often repeatedly tell the ultimate lie , that they “ love ” their targets . And , they lie just for the fun of it .

❀ Psychopaths actually feel a form of pleasure when they lie

❀ This explains why psychopaths sometimes lie when it is completely unnecessary or when the truth would be more advantageous . Psychopaths also include a variety of details in their lies , not only because it makes their lies sound more credible , but also because they enjoy constructing a false reality and making others believe it . It feeds their need for power and provides them with sick entertainment .

❀ Psychopaths believe that our emotions make us weak , but the opposite is true . Our emotions enable us to build loving relationships with others . They enable us to establish real connections .

❀ Although toxic people seem to be able to read their targets so well , they cannot actually understand us at all , because they cannot understand [emotions].

❀ I did not know that there are human beings who are barely human , who are unable to feel the full range of emotions , who are literally incapable of loving and connecting with others in any meaningful way , and who have no conscience . And I really did not know that evil can be cloaked in a very intelligent , seemingly insightful and considerate package .

❀ Excruciating emotional pain . Numbness . Loss of appetite . Sleepless nights . Obsessive thoughts . Inability to concentrate . Loss of pleasure in cherished activities . Lack of energy . Anxiety and panic attacks . All of the above describe what often happens after an abusive relationship or any kind of trauma .

❀ First , she had me picture a peaceful place that was devoid of any negative memories or associations . I think of a “ cozy chair ” in which I can relax and read a book , in front of a warm fireplace . To bring up this image , I simply need to think of the words “ cozy chair , ” and it takes my mind to that place . Second , she instructed me to create a “ box ” in my mind , into which I can place difficult thoughts and feelings . They are not permitted to come back out of the box once they are put in it , until or unless I release them . I decided to use the Pensieve from the Harry Potter books as my image .

As she taught me these techniques , she had me hold a flattened , oval - shaped “ ball ” in each hand ; the two balls are connected to the machine I mentioned earlier . They vibrate back and forth in a regular rhythm while they are held .

❀ find relief from the pain and obsessive thoughts . Another method that has worked well for some survivors is something called Emotional Freedom Technique ( EFT ) , or tapping .

❀ It is often said that physical exercise and movement is beneficial in so many ways . It is also a great method for releasing rage . Kick boxing has been especially helpful for me because it includes a great deal of punching and kicking , and I allow my imagination to go where it needs to go as I do both .

❀ Do your best to let go of the illusion. Implement the No Contact rule

❀ And , please hold on to the following truth : you can find closure , and you can find peace on the other side of the nightmare .

[Kerie Lynn Jelks (nee McAfee) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pretty accurate. It's like we are told the signs of a dark person as women as we grow up but when you are young and don't really research "groomers", "narcissistic tactics", "patterns of abusive men" or "how to spot a manipulator" and are just going about life, you are much more easily caught up in something that could harm you.

Once you see it, it's easy to spot. But that shouldn't take several decades. The dangerous types aren't discussed when you are in your teens or early 20's. And that's what needs to change. Because you shouldn't need to encounter evil to learn to avoid it.

[Josie Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love how incredibly positive the tone of this book is without downplaying the evil of those with these disorders or the effects they have on their partner/prey/victim. This book validates a survivor's experiences with psychopaths/narcissists/sociopaths. In the end, recovery is a long road and HealingJourney's detail of hers helps me in ways I can't even put into words.

[Diane · Rating 2 out of 5]

I've experienced evil a few times in my life, so I have been reading a lot on the subject. Therefore, I knew everything already that was written in this book. However, it would be good for a newbie.

[Gehan Osama Abdelgawad · Rating 3 out of 5]

A gentle read ❤️

[K.R. Green · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 Stars

The survivors quest is a memoir about one person's experience of psychopathy.
A friend gifted me this book as my ex has some narcissistic behaviours. For those who have found themselves in relationships with sociopaths, perhaps this is a useful book.

As someone with two psychology degrees working in mental health, I do find that the language used concerning, and some of the blanket "this is how all psychopaths are" to be a bit too much. Not to downplay the experiences of those specific people, and to be clear perhaps this book was not for me as my ex was not a sociopath - his narcistic behaviours often part of defensiveness and toxic shame  rather than a lack of conscience. But when psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists are all seen as the same thing, we're missing a whole lot of the human experience. I also have personal views on the word 'evil', which I understand are mine to work through (and blame on my Catholic school years).

I know for some people this book likely helped them feel comfort and less alone. For my brain, I just couldn't help but feel it paints all narcissistic behaviour alongside psychopathy when the two are very separate, as even if most sociopaths also showed Narcissism, the reverse is not true. 

This made it hard to take any of the other points as accurate, although I appreciate that is my personal perspective. 

[Jeff · Rating 4 out of 5]

Simple wise advice to start the healing process.

The author breaks down the healing process into its component parts, validates what victims of personality disorders inflict and puts the reader on the path to healing

[Colly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful

Powerful read and it has helped me as a survivor. I think I’m going to be buying my own copy