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For You When I Am Gone: Twelve Essential Questions to Tell a Life Story
New York Times and Los Angeles Times bestseller!
From the bestselling author of The Beauty of What Remains, a guide to writing a meaningful letter about your life.
Writing an ethical will, a document that includes stories and reflections about your past, is an ancient tradition. It can include joy and regrets, and ultimately becomes both a way to remember a loved one who is gone and a primer on how to live a better, happier life. Beloved Rabbi Steve Leder has helped thousands of people to write their own ethical wills, and in this intimate book helps us write our own.
Because our culture privileges the material over the spiritual, we sometimes forget that our words carry greater value than any physical thing we can bequeath to our loved ones. Rabbi Leder provides all the right questions and prompts, What was your most painful regret and how can your loved ones avoid repeating it? When was a time you led with your heart instead of your head? What did you learn from your biggest failure?
Including examples of ethical wills from a broad range of voices—old and young, with and without children, famous and unknown—For You When I Am Gone inspires readers to examine their own lives and turn them into something beautiful and meaningful for generations to come.
From the bestselling author of The Beauty of What Remains, a guide to writing a meaningful letter about your life.
Writing an ethical will, a document that includes stories and reflections about your past, is an ancient tradition. It can include joy and regrets, and ultimately becomes both a way to remember a loved one who is gone and a primer on how to live a better, happier life. Beloved Rabbi Steve Leder has helped thousands of people to write their own ethical wills, and in this intimate book helps us write our own.
Because our culture privileges the material over the spiritual, we sometimes forget that our words carry greater value than any physical thing we can bequeath to our loved ones. Rabbi Leder provides all the right questions and prompts, What was your most painful regret and how can your loved ones avoid repeating it? When was a time you led with your heart instead of your head? What did you learn from your biggest failure?
Including examples of ethical wills from a broad range of voices—old and young, with and without children, famous and unknown—For You When I Am Gone inspires readers to examine their own lives and turn them into something beautiful and meaningful for generations to come.
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Published June 7, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews
February 5, 2023
This is a good concept and the questions are probably a good start. I'm not a fan of anecdotes over actual research but if we're feeling lazy and going to settle for anecdotes, the anecdotes aren't even wide-ranging. Ordinary people rock, but it would have been better to ALSO sample answers from philosophers, ethicists, scientists, and religious scholars as well as other more unusual people.
October 5, 2022
Questions (and answers I particularly liked) intended to get at who you are as a legacy for those you love. Despite the fact we spend so much of our lives working to make money to buy things, collect things, wear and drive and live in things, those things matter little if at all to our loved ones when we are gone. Our culture tries to teach us otherwise. We are raised to believe in the power of things and that our self-worth is somehow related to our net worth.
Once when I was panicking over the fear of having made a terrible mistake, a friend said" I have given up all hope of a better past." Questions can lead to greater clarity about our values in our dreams and whether or not we were actually living those values in dreams or merely professing to.
1) What do you regret?
What do you have to live for? 94% of respondents were simply enduring the present while they waited for the future. Waiting for something to happen: for the right mate, for children to grow up, to pay off the mortgage, for a vacation, for retirement.
My biggest regret is not asking for help early enough. It took me a long time to realize that asking for help was not a weakness but a sign of confidence, character and generosity. By asking for help, I have built deeper, more honest relationships. I have overcome challenges with people by my side, and we have celebrated together. I want my loved ones to know the sense of connection and empowerment from asking others for help.
I wish I had done an even better job of teaching our kids how important sticking together and looking out for each other really is.
2) When was a time you led with your heart?
You needn’t be afraid of the potential downside as long as you understand the risks and are nimble enough to re-orient yourself if need be
What makes you happy? Happiness is not a goal; it is a byproduct. I know you all think we invited you today because we were going to announce our engagement, but you’re wrong. We aren’t getting engaged today. He then shouted we’re getting married and here’s the rabbi!
Time with family & my small circle of friends makes me the happiest. And the small daily habits – meditation in my favorite chair, afternoon tea, a neighborhood walk with my husband.
3) What was your biggest failure?
your mistake is watching your mother make the dish. She needs to watch you make it. You can’t learn from watching someone else’s success, only from a good teacher watching you fail.
I have regretted for years not seeking psychological help sooner to understand and undo the hurtful ways I often treated myself and others as a result of the hardness of my childhood. I am sorry I did not learn earlier that my success at work was often due to my own insecurities and the need to subordinate my anxiety rather than face it. It took too long for me to realize how, using my anger to contain my anxiety, I hurt my husband and children. How painful that is for me, and no doubt for him and them too.
Failure hurts. It stings us and often those we care about. Failure is embarrassing and even shameful sometimes. It can take years to recover from and it’s impossible to forget. But failure is a great teacher, attacking arrogance while inviting humility, painfully yet fortunately forcing us to take a cold, hard look at our own dysfunction, its roots and its thorns.
My biggest failure is that I was too busy at times to show my hubby how much I love him.
Be willing to fail to find out who you are. Simply, take the work seriously, but don’t take yourself too seriously.
4) What got you through your greatest challenge?
Fire truck brakes “The first thing I am going to do is fix the brakes on that fucking truck!"
Your experiences can pierce the denial and encourage the the ppl you care about to face their problem the first time they cheat, feel a lump, or dark depression, or lie about some compulsion getting the better of them. At the very least your vulnerability can lessen their loneliness, shame and fear because someone they love and admire has also made mistakes. Telling the truth about our painful lapse in judgment bestows a healing legacy upon the people we love most. The second realization many of us have had from adversity is the importance of reaching out. It takes a lot of maturity to let others know we are suffering. We know no one suffers pain better alone, no one!
5) What is a good person?
Complicated truth is that the question of good and evil is not about our essence but about our essence at any given moment. “ if only they were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.
Dining halls in Heaven with unbending arms (feeding each other) and Hell (emaciated and starving). Hell is the place where people do not care about other people. The people in heaven have the ability to care about others who are starving too.
It’s hard to describe, but you absolutely know it when you are with them! I live with one. He’s stand-up, kind, strong, considerate, doesn’t care about people’s bank accounts or how important they are. He does the right thing.
consistently trying to do your best, whatever that is and at whatever level you are able. The keywords are consistently and trying
6) What is love?
Love is a special feeling you have for another person that allows you to put them before yourself.
Love is unconditional.
When you love someone you accept them for who they are, for better or for worse.
Love is caring about someone else more than yourself.
Love is the most selfless and sacred of things simple and pure, unseen but felt.
7) Have you ever cut someone out of your life?
Sometimes we have to cut out those rare and extreme people who are toxic to our well-being.
There are times when we courageously and sometimes painfully have to stand up for ourselves.
NOT suggesting that we stop trying to maintain relationships with people who can sometimes be difficult or annoying.
8) How do you want to be remembered?
I want them to remember what makes them happy, whatever small or big moments we share together that made them feel good.
Remember me at my best. Laughing, smiling, listening and passionately engaged in my work and love of friends and family.
I hope my loved ones will keep my memory alive by telling funny stories about me and remember how much I loved each and every one of them.
I often say to my children we when we are in the midst of some excellent moment, remember me this way. Tell your children about it. They know my advice to capture moments isn’t just of their dad but of someone who has heard 1000 families share their memories a day before a loved one's funeral; someone who knows what sticks in the mind and lives in the heart long after we are gone and that we never really know when that day will be.
9) What is good advice?
Be yourself. Be authentic. Be kind.
Try to be a person that people enjoy being around.
Always learn and grow. Pain is essential, suffering is optional.
Do the next right thing, no matter how you feel.
You are one of a kind. Never forget that. I really love you and I trust you. I really do.
No rain, no rainbow.
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
You don’t ask, you don’t get.
Start your day with a positive thought. End your day in prayer counting your blessings.
Some of you is not the sum of you.
10) What will your epitaph say?
The calmest, happiest, most at peace people I know are those who strive and succeed at closely aligning their behavior with their beliefs.
Loving daughter, sister, wife and mom who always tried her best.
11) What will your final blessing be?
I love you, I am proud of you, and I believe in you. Although I am not with you in person, may these guidelines of spirit be a lighthouse to help you find your way. Be kind to yourselves. Be kind to each other.
Do your best to nurture the relationships within your family. Find pleasures and joy during your time on this earth and seek ways to leave the world a little bit better than you found it. Make meaning through loving connections and simple things rather than by chasing power, dominance, fame or money. You are enough and you have enough. Reach out and get back.
Show empathy and show you care. Find your people. Be welcoming and inclusive. Be a fiercely loyal and trustworthy friend. However, if a group or someone demonstrates they don’t want you, don’t value you, or repeatedly betray you, don’t try to convince them of your worth. That is a them problem. They are not your people.
Temper your anger. Manage the gift of your disappointment. Walk away. Be kind.
Stare three things straight in the eye: cruelty, dishonesty and pain. Don’t flinch, don’t look away. Confront mean-spiritedness, including gossip, directly and clearly. Walk toward those in pain and do whatever you can in a caring way to help and create change with family, friends and those less fortunate in our community and around the world.
Find work you enjoy well enough and perform it with integrity. Travel to expand your heart and understanding of others.
Let loose sometimes.
Drink good whiskey or wine. At the same time, watch for addiction and mental illness, both of which run in our family. Ask for, get, and accept help when needed.
Trust in a good nights sleep and the promise of a new day.
Be kind to each other, take care of each other and never forget how important your family is your life.
Once when I was panicking over the fear of having made a terrible mistake, a friend said" I have given up all hope of a better past." Questions can lead to greater clarity about our values in our dreams and whether or not we were actually living those values in dreams or merely professing to.
1) What do you regret?
What do you have to live for? 94% of respondents were simply enduring the present while they waited for the future. Waiting for something to happen: for the right mate, for children to grow up, to pay off the mortgage, for a vacation, for retirement.
My biggest regret is not asking for help early enough. It took me a long time to realize that asking for help was not a weakness but a sign of confidence, character and generosity. By asking for help, I have built deeper, more honest relationships. I have overcome challenges with people by my side, and we have celebrated together. I want my loved ones to know the sense of connection and empowerment from asking others for help.
I wish I had done an even better job of teaching our kids how important sticking together and looking out for each other really is.
2) When was a time you led with your heart?
You needn’t be afraid of the potential downside as long as you understand the risks and are nimble enough to re-orient yourself if need be
What makes you happy? Happiness is not a goal; it is a byproduct. I know you all think we invited you today because we were going to announce our engagement, but you’re wrong. We aren’t getting engaged today. He then shouted we’re getting married and here’s the rabbi!
Time with family & my small circle of friends makes me the happiest. And the small daily habits – meditation in my favorite chair, afternoon tea, a neighborhood walk with my husband.
3) What was your biggest failure?
your mistake is watching your mother make the dish. She needs to watch you make it. You can’t learn from watching someone else’s success, only from a good teacher watching you fail.
I have regretted for years not seeking psychological help sooner to understand and undo the hurtful ways I often treated myself and others as a result of the hardness of my childhood. I am sorry I did not learn earlier that my success at work was often due to my own insecurities and the need to subordinate my anxiety rather than face it. It took too long for me to realize how, using my anger to contain my anxiety, I hurt my husband and children. How painful that is for me, and no doubt for him and them too.
Failure hurts. It stings us and often those we care about. Failure is embarrassing and even shameful sometimes. It can take years to recover from and it’s impossible to forget. But failure is a great teacher, attacking arrogance while inviting humility, painfully yet fortunately forcing us to take a cold, hard look at our own dysfunction, its roots and its thorns.
My biggest failure is that I was too busy at times to show my hubby how much I love him.
Be willing to fail to find out who you are. Simply, take the work seriously, but don’t take yourself too seriously.
4) What got you through your greatest challenge?
Fire truck brakes “The first thing I am going to do is fix the brakes on that fucking truck!"
Your experiences can pierce the denial and encourage the the ppl you care about to face their problem the first time they cheat, feel a lump, or dark depression, or lie about some compulsion getting the better of them. At the very least your vulnerability can lessen their loneliness, shame and fear because someone they love and admire has also made mistakes. Telling the truth about our painful lapse in judgment bestows a healing legacy upon the people we love most. The second realization many of us have had from adversity is the importance of reaching out. It takes a lot of maturity to let others know we are suffering. We know no one suffers pain better alone, no one!
5) What is a good person?
Complicated truth is that the question of good and evil is not about our essence but about our essence at any given moment. “ if only they were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.
Dining halls in Heaven with unbending arms (feeding each other) and Hell (emaciated and starving). Hell is the place where people do not care about other people. The people in heaven have the ability to care about others who are starving too.
It’s hard to describe, but you absolutely know it when you are with them! I live with one. He’s stand-up, kind, strong, considerate, doesn’t care about people’s bank accounts or how important they are. He does the right thing.
consistently trying to do your best, whatever that is and at whatever level you are able. The keywords are consistently and trying
6) What is love?
Love is a special feeling you have for another person that allows you to put them before yourself.
Love is unconditional.
When you love someone you accept them for who they are, for better or for worse.
Love is caring about someone else more than yourself.
Love is the most selfless and sacred of things simple and pure, unseen but felt.
7) Have you ever cut someone out of your life?
Sometimes we have to cut out those rare and extreme people who are toxic to our well-being.
There are times when we courageously and sometimes painfully have to stand up for ourselves.
NOT suggesting that we stop trying to maintain relationships with people who can sometimes be difficult or annoying.
8) How do you want to be remembered?
I want them to remember what makes them happy, whatever small or big moments we share together that made them feel good.
Remember me at my best. Laughing, smiling, listening and passionately engaged in my work and love of friends and family.
I hope my loved ones will keep my memory alive by telling funny stories about me and remember how much I loved each and every one of them.
I often say to my children we when we are in the midst of some excellent moment, remember me this way. Tell your children about it. They know my advice to capture moments isn’t just of their dad but of someone who has heard 1000 families share their memories a day before a loved one's funeral; someone who knows what sticks in the mind and lives in the heart long after we are gone and that we never really know when that day will be.
9) What is good advice?
Be yourself. Be authentic. Be kind.
Try to be a person that people enjoy being around.
Always learn and grow. Pain is essential, suffering is optional.
Do the next right thing, no matter how you feel.
You are one of a kind. Never forget that. I really love you and I trust you. I really do.
No rain, no rainbow.
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
You don’t ask, you don’t get.
Start your day with a positive thought. End your day in prayer counting your blessings.
Some of you is not the sum of you.
10) What will your epitaph say?
The calmest, happiest, most at peace people I know are those who strive and succeed at closely aligning their behavior with their beliefs.
Loving daughter, sister, wife and mom who always tried her best.
11) What will your final blessing be?
I love you, I am proud of you, and I believe in you. Although I am not with you in person, may these guidelines of spirit be a lighthouse to help you find your way. Be kind to yourselves. Be kind to each other.
Do your best to nurture the relationships within your family. Find pleasures and joy during your time on this earth and seek ways to leave the world a little bit better than you found it. Make meaning through loving connections and simple things rather than by chasing power, dominance, fame or money. You are enough and you have enough. Reach out and get back.
Show empathy and show you care. Find your people. Be welcoming and inclusive. Be a fiercely loyal and trustworthy friend. However, if a group or someone demonstrates they don’t want you, don’t value you, or repeatedly betray you, don’t try to convince them of your worth. That is a them problem. They are not your people.
Temper your anger. Manage the gift of your disappointment. Walk away. Be kind.
Stare three things straight in the eye: cruelty, dishonesty and pain. Don’t flinch, don’t look away. Confront mean-spiritedness, including gossip, directly and clearly. Walk toward those in pain and do whatever you can in a caring way to help and create change with family, friends and those less fortunate in our community and around the world.
Find work you enjoy well enough and perform it with integrity. Travel to expand your heart and understanding of others.
Let loose sometimes.
Drink good whiskey or wine. At the same time, watch for addiction and mental illness, both of which run in our family. Ask for, get, and accept help when needed.
Trust in a good nights sleep and the promise of a new day.
Be kind to each other, take care of each other and never forget how important your family is your life.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 26, 2022
In this book, the author gives us a set of 12 important questions that we want to ask our loved ones to find out the truth and meaning of their life. It is essential for us to learn about our loved one's stories - they give guidance, wisdom, blessings, life lessons, and legacy. And that's what we will cherish when they're gone. But to ask these questions helps us find our own truth as well.
This book was close to my heart because I have thought a lot about what the author calls an ethical will. This book is, in a way, an exercise for all of us to help us be better aligned with what we really know is meaningful in life. This book is a powerful North Star for all of us. The first question in the book is, what is your greatest regret? This book is for everyone who has reached a point in life where they ask, how do I want to live? And what is my truth?
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo...
This book was close to my heart because I have thought a lot about what the author calls an ethical will. This book is, in a way, an exercise for all of us to help us be better aligned with what we really know is meaningful in life. This book is a powerful North Star for all of us. The first question in the book is, what is your greatest regret? This book is for everyone who has reached a point in life where they ask, how do I want to live? And what is my truth?
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo...
June 6, 2022
The book was not what I expected. I was thinking of questions to help write a typical life story, but these questions were more about how people feel (not what they did in life). This approach seems a better way to really understand a person as it helps expose their inner life. The book provides lots of answers that people give to the questions. I felt it was helpful to get creative juices flowing.
December 31, 2022
This is a great little 200 page book designed to get you writing your ethical will/ leave behind important imparting knowledge to your loved ones. I will be purchasing a number of these for gifts to family and friends and as a teacher of Creative Writing will use some of the content as inspiration for future lesson plans.
October 5, 2022
Heard Steve on a podcast and found this whole concept of an ethical will very intriguing. I liked the book and the questions he puts forth, but filling it with answers from so many people made it hard for anything to really stand out and stick.
April 4, 2025
Genuinely profound.
September 8, 2022
a beautifully simple and accessible set of reflective prompts to support writing an ethical will.
I disagreed with some of the author's statements on regret, memory, and human nature, but kindly so; perhaps an invitation to share my own views with my loved ones?
I disagreed with some of the author's statements on regret, memory, and human nature, but kindly so; perhaps an invitation to share my own views with my loved ones?
August 28, 2022
Writing an “Ethical Will” is exactly what Steve Leder did in this book. There are so many times in my life when I’ve lost loved ones and always wish I could have just one more conversation with them, and soak up every ounce of wisdom they had accrued during their life. And while I will hopefully be around for a while yet, the 12 questions are going to be the focus of some journaling soon. I want to make sure everyone knows I loved them, and hope they can learn something from my example. The “bonus” that I found was the many different perspectives on the same question. We all approach these difficult questions from a different place in life. Leder does a beautiful job of weaving in the stories of others along with his own, and there were many times in this book when I felt so seen, and others that gave me pause to consider things that have happened in life where I took the blame when I didn’t necessarily need to. My next step with this book is to have some focused time to write my answers.
November 18, 2024
“Words have heft and weight; they are as concrete and material as any “thing” we will ever own or leave behind.” Steve Leder
This is the type of book that inspires one to review life through honestly answering several deep questions and then to share with loved ones. Each chapter includes the author Rabbi Leder’s response as well as those of some of his friends. I could relate to many of the thoughts.
The author encourages the reader to reflect on the joys and regrets in one’s life and include them in an ‘ethical will’. The author’s own ethical will is included in the form of a letter to his children.
To actually take the time to answer these questions will make this book more than just another good read. It is not only a great exercise in knowing one self better, but it is a gift for loved ones, inviting them to consider their own legacy, values, and virtues that make life worth living.
There are, of course, more prompts to help tell a life story but the twelve in this book really are great ones.
This is the type of book that inspires one to review life through honestly answering several deep questions and then to share with loved ones. Each chapter includes the author Rabbi Leder’s response as well as those of some of his friends. I could relate to many of the thoughts.
The author encourages the reader to reflect on the joys and regrets in one’s life and include them in an ‘ethical will’. The author’s own ethical will is included in the form of a letter to his children.
To actually take the time to answer these questions will make this book more than just another good read. It is not only a great exercise in knowing one self better, but it is a gift for loved ones, inviting them to consider their own legacy, values, and virtues that make life worth living.
There are, of course, more prompts to help tell a life story but the twelve in this book really are great ones.
July 31, 2022
No one wants to think about their death or when they will take their last breath. When and what our last words will be. However, Rabbi Steve Leder has now written a guide to help us pass our last wishes, legacies and final words onto our loved ones. A 12 step approach that gives you control in how you want to tell your life story and what wisdom you care to impart with loved ones. I can’t think of any better legacy than to leave behind a beautiful life story for your family. A thought provoking deep dive into the 12 questions that will help get you started in writing your narrative. How I wish my parents had done this. I hope to leave no stone unturned when I breathe my last breath. I also encourage you to read his other works. He has served thousands over the years and attended many funerals so the wise information he shares is from experience. I hope my children will look back at my life story and gain just a little bit more insight into who their mother was and the life she led.
February 1, 2023
The premise behind this book is to write an "ethical will" where you can provide information and thoughts for your loved ones. The book is broken down into chapters such as "What do you regret?", "What is good advice?". The author provides a framework for answering these questions as well as responses he received from friends and colleagues. The questions are basic but provide the reader the opportunity to evaluate what they think is important information to leave behind for their loved ones.
In this age of shot and fast communication, (texts and emails) in person communication and sharing of stories is far less common. The concept behind an ethical will allows the reader to write down their thoughts and advice for their family members to have after they are gone.
While the book was short, it was extremely thought provoking and has inspired me to begin to jot down thoughts about the questions posed in this book. I highly recommend this book!
In this age of shot and fast communication, (texts and emails) in person communication and sharing of stories is far less common. The concept behind an ethical will allows the reader to write down their thoughts and advice for their family members to have after they are gone.
While the book was short, it was extremely thought provoking and has inspired me to begin to jot down thoughts about the questions posed in this book. I highly recommend this book!
July 11, 2022
This was a thoughtful read. Asking us to think about 12 questions and to record our answers so that those left behind after we die have our advice/ideas to look at. Very thought-provoking and I loved all the examples he included.
'And it's terribly unfair to resent others when you've chosen not to prioritize yourself.'
'I'm fifty eight and my burger has flipped to the second side. Everyone knows how much faster a burger cooks once you flip it.'
'Try not to let another person's insecurities shape your own behavior and beliefs.'
'...most peoples' careers and lives are more failure than success.'
'Time will pass without you pushing it.'
'Compassion is what defines goodness.'
'Our decency is up to us.'
'Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. BE kind. Always. (Robin Williams)
'And it's terribly unfair to resent others when you've chosen not to prioritize yourself.'
'I'm fifty eight and my burger has flipped to the second side. Everyone knows how much faster a burger cooks once you flip it.'
'Try not to let another person's insecurities shape your own behavior and beliefs.'
'...most peoples' careers and lives are more failure than success.'
'Time will pass without you pushing it.'
'Compassion is what defines goodness.'
'Our decency is up to us.'
'Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. BE kind. Always. (Robin Williams)
July 28, 2022
Even though Steve Leder conducted more funerals than he could count in his 30 years in the rabbinate, it wasn’t until he experienced personal loss – the death of his father – that he developed a new philosophy: one that says death offers people the opportunity to experience more meaning in their lives and to love more deeply. Leder, the senior rabbi of Wilshire Boulevard Temple in Los Angeles, has written two books to share this idea: “The Beauty of What Remains: How Our Greatest Fear Becomes Our Greatest Gift” and “For You When I Am Gone: Twelve Essential Questions to Tell a Life Story” (both published by Avery/Penguin Random House).
See the rest of my review at https://www.thereportergroup.org/past...
See the rest of my review at https://www.thereportergroup.org/past...
January 26, 2023
From the introduction:
This book invites you... to generate the material from which you can create an ethical will so that the people you love will never have to guess... when you are gone.
Each of the twelve chapters asks one question, offers a relevant quote, provides a contributor's real-life circumstance and their deeply personal response to it within the context of the question. Their honesty and vulnerability make this text emotionally intimate, riveting reading. It challenges and inspires everyone to compose their own ethical will. In the epilogue the author shares his in an act of brave generosity that echoes and reinforces the power of the previous chapters.
http://blerdybingereader.blogspot.com...
This book invites you... to generate the material from which you can create an ethical will so that the people you love will never have to guess... when you are gone.
Each of the twelve chapters asks one question, offers a relevant quote, provides a contributor's real-life circumstance and their deeply personal response to it within the context of the question. Their honesty and vulnerability make this text emotionally intimate, riveting reading. It challenges and inspires everyone to compose their own ethical will. In the epilogue the author shares his in an act of brave generosity that echoes and reinforces the power of the previous chapters.
http://blerdybingereader.blogspot.com...
November 5, 2023
Steve's book is divided into 12 questions and includes samples of people's personal writings. The book gives ideas on how to write an ethical will as you are nearing death. Short but sweet book. Here are some of my favorite parts:
“…despite the fact that we spend much of our lives working to make money to buy things, collect things, wear and drive and live in things, those things matter little if at all to our loved ones when we are gone.”
“…our regrets are not about what we’ve done with our lives, but what we haven’t done. I find this to be true of the vast majority of dying people I speak with.”
“…if a group or someone demonstrates they don’t want you, don’t value you, or repeatedly betrays you, don’t try and convince them of your worth. That’s a them problem.”
“…despite the fact that we spend much of our lives working to make money to buy things, collect things, wear and drive and live in things, those things matter little if at all to our loved ones when we are gone.”
“…our regrets are not about what we’ve done with our lives, but what we haven’t done. I find this to be true of the vast majority of dying people I speak with.”
“…if a group or someone demonstrates they don’t want you, don’t value you, or repeatedly betrays you, don’t try and convince them of your worth. That’s a them problem.”
July 10, 2022
I was excited to receive this book as a Goodreads giveaway winner. I was not familiar with an ethical will prior to reading this book. Having lost several family members in the past decade, I wish I would had known about them so I could have encouraged them to read this book and write one. The writing prompts and examples make it easy to leave something meaningful for the generations to come.
The exercise prompts deep thoughts and reflection on how life was lived and words of advice you may want to pass along. For some, the questions may even take you down a path of sharing more than you had originally expected.
The exercise prompts deep thoughts and reflection on how life was lived and words of advice you may want to pass along. For some, the questions may even take you down a path of sharing more than you had originally expected.
September 5, 2022
Enjoyed this book a lot. Especially after listening to a podcast interview he did.
Loved the entire concept, Don't Wait. The 12 questions were very thought provoking and great brain food. Some spoke to me more so than others. My two favorites was about sacrifice and having to cut someone from your life if they are too toxic. Having a life full of toxic, dysfunctional family members, it gave be great pause to think of these questions. It is a book, I think, to be used as a group discussion. A 12-week book study would be best to generate ideas. I sent in the idea to our church minister and hope it comes to fruition.
Loved the entire concept, Don't Wait. The 12 questions were very thought provoking and great brain food. Some spoke to me more so than others. My two favorites was about sacrifice and having to cut someone from your life if they are too toxic. Having a life full of toxic, dysfunctional family members, it gave be great pause to think of these questions. It is a book, I think, to be used as a group discussion. A 12-week book study would be best to generate ideas. I sent in the idea to our church minister and hope it comes to fruition.
January 31, 2023
This book and the author make you think. I really loved how he talked about his practical experience, his guidance on writing an ethical will and making one think about what our life really means. This book brought a lot of emotions in me. I went back and looked at the stamp collection where I started and hoping to pass to my son and what that meant to me. I really wished he had summarized the questions in an appendix, but that's a minor thing. Be prepared to deal with a lot of emotions when you read this book, this is not an easy one to digest and to put away. Also I recommend reading the book cover to cover.
March 11, 2023
I loved this book.
I love reading and thinking about deep questions.
I love to reflect and dive deep into what I truly think and feel.
This book gives you space and inspiration on how to answer 12 questions for yourself for your loved ones when you’re gone but also for yourself now.
It provides a lot of wisdom and advice from a variety of people that encourages you in your own life.
Example questions
What do you regret?
When was a time you lead with your heart?
What makes you happy?
What is a good person?
What is love?
How do you want to be remembered?
What is good advice?
A great book with great questions :)
I love reading and thinking about deep questions.
I love to reflect and dive deep into what I truly think and feel.
This book gives you space and inspiration on how to answer 12 questions for yourself for your loved ones when you’re gone but also for yourself now.
It provides a lot of wisdom and advice from a variety of people that encourages you in your own life.
Example questions
What do you regret?
When was a time you lead with your heart?
What makes you happy?
What is a good person?
What is love?
How do you want to be remembered?
What is good advice?
A great book with great questions :)
December 26, 2023
1. Regrets?
2. Lead with your heart.
3. What makes you happy?
4. Biggest Failure
5. Greatest Challenge
6. Who is a good person?
7. What is Love?
8. Have you ever cut someone out of your life?
9. How do you want to be remembered?
10. What is Good Advice?
11. What will your epitaph say?
12. What will your final blessing be?
Many of these questions have no answer in my life. I personally have put little thought into my regrets, failures, how I will be remembered, epitaphs, or blessings. I would most want my children and those I have loved in my lifetime to know that I tried to live my life expressing my love and wanting the best for them.
2. Lead with your heart.
3. What makes you happy?
4. Biggest Failure
5. Greatest Challenge
6. Who is a good person?
7. What is Love?
8. Have you ever cut someone out of your life?
9. How do you want to be remembered?
10. What is Good Advice?
11. What will your epitaph say?
12. What will your final blessing be?
Many of these questions have no answer in my life. I personally have put little thought into my regrets, failures, how I will be remembered, epitaphs, or blessings. I would most want my children and those I have loved in my lifetime to know that I tried to live my life expressing my love and wanting the best for them.
January 23, 2024
This book has 12 questions in it to help you reflect back on your life. I was given a 52 week Storyworth assignment at Christmas, and I'm thinking these 12 questions will get added. The author explains the question and gives several examples.
- What do you regret?
- When was a time you led with your heart?
- What makes you happy?
- What was your biggest failure?
- What got your through your gratest challenge?
- What is a good person?
- What is love?
- Have you ever cut someone out of your life?
- How do you want to be remembered?
- What is good advice?
- What will your epitaph say?
- What will your final blessing be?
- What do you regret?
- When was a time you led with your heart?
- What makes you happy?
- What was your biggest failure?
- What got your through your gratest challenge?
- What is a good person?
- What is love?
- Have you ever cut someone out of your life?
- How do you want to be remembered?
- What is good advice?
- What will your epitaph say?
- What will your final blessing be?
November 20, 2022
Rabbi Steve Leder leads readers writing an ethical will, a message written for one's family as a remembrance. He supplies twelve essential questions to guide one as they think about what they want their family to remember - questions like when did you lead with your heart, what do you regret, what is your best advice, etc. Following the introduction of each question he shares anonymous answers from several people who helped him with the book and then he answers each question himself. This was a very thoughtful book.
July 6, 2022
This book was a quick read. I thought the 12 questions were an interesting approach to documenting one's life for posterity. The variety of answers from real people provide some great examples. I was a bit taken aback by how many times the author used the F-word. I certainly know and use this word myself, but it was a bit shocking in this context. I had not heard of an "ethical will" before and think its an interesting concept.
December 22, 2022
Advice. Question (1) What do you regret? (2) When was a time you led with your heart? (3) What makes you happy? (4) What was your biggest failure (5) What got you through your greatest challenge? (6) What is a good person (7) What is love (8) Have you ever cut someone out of your life? (9) How do you want to be remembered? (10) What is good advice (11) What will your epitaph say? (12) What will your final blessing be?
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 12, 2023
Wow! After reading this book and being focused on becoming a Storyteller the last couple of years, I will be writing an ethical will for my loved ones - especially my son. This book gives you 12 important questions to consider as a guide to impart some final wisdom to your family after you are gone or even while you live.
It's one of the best practical books I've read in a long time. Great examples of others' advice making the book that much richer.
It's one of the best practical books I've read in a long time. Great examples of others' advice making the book that much richer.
July 15, 2022
I listened to a podcast where this author was interviewed which made we want to read the book. It was interesting to learn about the idea of an “ethical will” and how each person’s thoughts and experiences are far more important than the things they leave behind. It was a short but deep and thought-provoking read!
August 12, 2022
We make a will to tell what to do with our stuff when we are gone. But what do we do with our wisdom? This book is a guide on how to leave our wisdom behind to those we love---it guides you in sharing regrets, failures, challenges and more. What an excellent tool so that those we leave behind are not left floundering and saying "if only I could ask......"
November 8, 2022
I had never heard of an ethical will and was curious to see which questions Leder felt were essential to examine when reflecting and writing about your past and sharing lessons learned. The book has great questions and I found the answers others shared in the book helpful to broaden my answers. Reflecting on these questions is a great starting point for writing a letter for loved ones.
December 27, 2023
It took me a while to get into this book and I am so glad I did. My project this month was to read the book and write an ethical will for my children. I didn't do all the chapters- some are clearly intended for people nearing the end of their life. But I did write 10 essays about my values and my life to share with my children as they get older!
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