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In Search of Common Ground: Inspiring True Stories of Overcoming Hate in a Divided World
As heard on NPR’s This American Unlikely friendships challenge every kind of bias, to offer hope that our societies can heal
Much has been written about our polarized media, social bubbles, and intractable biases. Award-winning journalist Bastian Berbner circled the world to find a different narrative. In Search of Common Ground is his profound collection of true stories that prove it is possible to mend even our fiercest divides.
In Arizona, a former neo-Nazi befriends his Black parole officer. In Germany, an older couple dread the arrival of their new Roma neighbors—but are moved upon meeting them to offer help and become strong supporters. In Ireland, we see one friendship change the world when a gay-rights activist overturns a conservative mailman’s homophobia—and together, they help sway public opinion to legalize gay marriage. Other gap-bridging stories
young Democrats and Republicans (United States), a Danish policeman and a Muslim boy in danger of radicalization (Denmark), and a neo-Nazi and a Palestinian prisoner (Germany). With added historic and sociological research, Berbner gets to the root of what pushes people apart, and shows that we can dissolve divisions by simply meeting face to face. This is essential, uplifting listening for everyone who aspires to live without hate.
Much has been written about our polarized media, social bubbles, and intractable biases. Award-winning journalist Bastian Berbner circled the world to find a different narrative. In Search of Common Ground is his profound collection of true stories that prove it is possible to mend even our fiercest divides.
In Arizona, a former neo-Nazi befriends his Black parole officer. In Germany, an older couple dread the arrival of their new Roma neighbors—but are moved upon meeting them to offer help and become strong supporters. In Ireland, we see one friendship change the world when a gay-rights activist overturns a conservative mailman’s homophobia—and together, they help sway public opinion to legalize gay marriage. Other gap-bridging stories
young Democrats and Republicans (United States), a Danish policeman and a Muslim boy in danger of radicalization (Denmark), and a neo-Nazi and a Palestinian prisoner (Germany). With added historic and sociological research, Berbner gets to the root of what pushes people apart, and shows that we can dissolve divisions by simply meeting face to face. This is essential, uplifting listening for everyone who aspires to live without hate.
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Published October 11, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
April 14, 2023
This book shares interesting stories based on the author's interviews with people who changed their minds and overcame bias after having closer contact and/or a meaningful relationship with someone they were initially prejudiced against. He includes current and historical case studies, including some great ones from World War II, and he offers sociological reflections and ideas for how people can work against social division in their own lives.
I enjoyed reading a book about societal breakdown that wasn't centered on American culture. Bastian Berbner is a German journalist, and this book was originally published in Germany. He writes about multiple different Western countries and about stressors related to mass immigration from the refugee crisis, and he does a nice job balancing his commentary between different nations instead of making this all about his own country or all about America. I also appreciated Berbner's honesty about how much the media drives division, especially when journalists rush to print with stories without even interviewing witnesses or the people involved. Instead of focusing on defending his institution, he is honest about how the media exacerbates social problems.
Some of the stories are deeply touching, but the author's social commentary is often lacking, especially due to his own biases. For example, he mentions at least twice how great it is that a man who was anti-abortion changed his mind after hearing a woman's personal story about why she had an abortion. But does he care that many women and men who once were pro-abortion have changed their minds to embrace pro-life causes? Heavens, no. That wouldn't fit the narrative!
In this, as in many other things, Berbner shows his bias by telling the reader what kind of paradigm shift makes for a happy ending. With extreme topics, such as the neo-Nazi who changed his ways after becoming friends with his Black parole officer, the vast majority of readers will agree and rejoice with him regardless of their political leanings. With more controversial and less fringe issues, Berbner is highly negative about political and social conservatism without engaging readers who don't share his beliefs or presuppositions. At the very least, he should have more often shared examples of how people on both sides of the political aisle exhibit bad behavior and cognitive fallacies, instead of almost always only giving negative examples from people he disagrees with. He also deals in stereotypes too much. There are liberals who live in small towns and conservatives who eat organic!
At the beginning of the book, Berbner claims that he has the solution to societal fracture and division, but even though he shares inspiring stories and has helpful sociological insights about how people can overcome biases, there is nothing really new here. He over-promises and under-delivers, because even though he gives examples of some highly unique things that people and governments have done, he doesn't have practicable, general solutions aside from telling you to talk to a wide variety of people and get outside of your echo chamber, which people have already been saying for years. Read this for the stories, not because you expect new or broad-ranging solutions.
I received a free copy from the publisher through Amazon Vine in exchange for an honest review.
I enjoyed reading a book about societal breakdown that wasn't centered on American culture. Bastian Berbner is a German journalist, and this book was originally published in Germany. He writes about multiple different Western countries and about stressors related to mass immigration from the refugee crisis, and he does a nice job balancing his commentary between different nations instead of making this all about his own country or all about America. I also appreciated Berbner's honesty about how much the media drives division, especially when journalists rush to print with stories without even interviewing witnesses or the people involved. Instead of focusing on defending his institution, he is honest about how the media exacerbates social problems.
Some of the stories are deeply touching, but the author's social commentary is often lacking, especially due to his own biases. For example, he mentions at least twice how great it is that a man who was anti-abortion changed his mind after hearing a woman's personal story about why she had an abortion. But does he care that many women and men who once were pro-abortion have changed their minds to embrace pro-life causes? Heavens, no. That wouldn't fit the narrative!
In this, as in many other things, Berbner shows his bias by telling the reader what kind of paradigm shift makes for a happy ending. With extreme topics, such as the neo-Nazi who changed his ways after becoming friends with his Black parole officer, the vast majority of readers will agree and rejoice with him regardless of their political leanings. With more controversial and less fringe issues, Berbner is highly negative about political and social conservatism without engaging readers who don't share his beliefs or presuppositions. At the very least, he should have more often shared examples of how people on both sides of the political aisle exhibit bad behavior and cognitive fallacies, instead of almost always only giving negative examples from people he disagrees with. He also deals in stereotypes too much. There are liberals who live in small towns and conservatives who eat organic!
At the beginning of the book, Berbner claims that he has the solution to societal fracture and division, but even though he shares inspiring stories and has helpful sociological insights about how people can overcome biases, there is nothing really new here. He over-promises and under-delivers, because even though he gives examples of some highly unique things that people and governments have done, he doesn't have practicable, general solutions aside from telling you to talk to a wide variety of people and get outside of your echo chamber, which people have already been saying for years. Read this for the stories, not because you expect new or broad-ranging solutions.
I received a free copy from the publisher through Amazon Vine in exchange for an honest review.
January 16, 2023
I never write book reviews, so forgive me for my lack of eloquence:
I thought the statement that nothing bad happens from getting along with someone from the other side was incredibly poignant and something I needed to hear. Hearing stories of people learning to love and respect each other despite their differences gave me a lot of hope for the future. I also appreciate the different levels of examples given: some people changed their views only regarding the people they knew and not the group as a whole, while others had a complete shift in their view. I prefer to think about people completely changing their view since it's a more pleasant outcome in my opinion, but reality is not that clear cut, so I respect Berbner's inclusion of the more in-between stories.
On the subject of relocation of civil servants:
There's enough to say about this issue to make it into its own book, and I recognize not every intricacy could be covered here, nor is every aspect within the scope of In Search of Common Ground. However, as someone teaching abroad in a country with this system (every 3 years rather than 5), I wanted to bring up a negative aspect to this system that I haven't heard discussed much: the frequent rotation of teachers in and out of schools takes stability away from students, especially those who need it most. In my opinion, the country I'm teaching in has a long way to go in terms of adequate support for students with Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), mental health struggles, and disabilities. Teachers can sometimes be the most influential people in a child's life, as well as their strongest source of support. Forcing teachers to relocate not only uproots their lives, but can negatively impact the lives of their students as well. There are many other people who can speak on this issue far more eloquently than I can, and I recognize this consequence of relocation is not directly related to why the subject of relocation was mentioned, but I couldn't move on from this book without bringing this up.
Overall, I think this is a great book, and many people would benefit from searching for common ground rather than solely focusing on differences. It is dangerous for some people to reach across the aisle, but the result could save lives.
I thought the statement that nothing bad happens from getting along with someone from the other side was incredibly poignant and something I needed to hear. Hearing stories of people learning to love and respect each other despite their differences gave me a lot of hope for the future. I also appreciate the different levels of examples given: some people changed their views only regarding the people they knew and not the group as a whole, while others had a complete shift in their view. I prefer to think about people completely changing their view since it's a more pleasant outcome in my opinion, but reality is not that clear cut, so I respect Berbner's inclusion of the more in-between stories.
On the subject of relocation of civil servants:
There's enough to say about this issue to make it into its own book, and I recognize not every intricacy could be covered here, nor is every aspect within the scope of In Search of Common Ground. However, as someone teaching abroad in a country with this system (every 3 years rather than 5), I wanted to bring up a negative aspect to this system that I haven't heard discussed much: the frequent rotation of teachers in and out of schools takes stability away from students, especially those who need it most. In my opinion, the country I'm teaching in has a long way to go in terms of adequate support for students with Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), mental health struggles, and disabilities. Teachers can sometimes be the most influential people in a child's life, as well as their strongest source of support. Forcing teachers to relocate not only uproots their lives, but can negatively impact the lives of their students as well. There are many other people who can speak on this issue far more eloquently than I can, and I recognize this consequence of relocation is not directly related to why the subject of relocation was mentioned, but I couldn't move on from this book without bringing this up.
Overall, I think this is a great book, and many people would benefit from searching for common ground rather than solely focusing on differences. It is dangerous for some people to reach across the aisle, but the result could save lives.
March 20, 2023
This book started out like the beginning of a horse race, immediate galloping and then slowed down and meandered a while with a short pick up in the last chapter. I think I know why too! Division between groups, tribes, political parties, races and so on is a tough one to figure how to solve. In my own experience, I have been able to turn an enemy into a friend, but it then when you have large groups, the problem gets a lot tougher. I wrote the next paragraph when I was having the experience of joy reading this book.
The first interview in the chapter is with a former Neo-Nazi, some of his criminal activity is in the book and he seems to be the embodiment of evil. However, he was assigned a female black probation officer. She had to go into his home inspect for drugs, bombs, guns etc. but she sat down on the couch and listened to him talk. Not interrupting him. she had him tell her about his life. Not saying much, she said “Why don’t you take down that negative stuff on the walls and put up some Smilies? Not meaning it literally but when she came back the posters of the swastika and Hitler were gone and he put up smilies. Each appointment increased his trust in her and one day, he took her to a tattoo parlor where he had a man cover up the giant swastika on his with a bear so people could not see the scary symbol. He distanced himself from his former neo-nazi buddies and eventually went on tour talking to troubled youths and steering them away from where he had been to more positive futures. There are many interviews of people who were strangers who became life long friends.
Then this told of when empathy does not happen, the scientific experiments had such terrible results that it was painful to read about them. I found myself not wanting to read that part. The author winds up with the example of Boswana, where the government proactively moved people into different areas. The problem is that we cannot do that here or in most places.
What is the solution? None of us know, but the author makes a wonderful try.
The first interview in the chapter is with a former Neo-Nazi, some of his criminal activity is in the book and he seems to be the embodiment of evil. However, he was assigned a female black probation officer. She had to go into his home inspect for drugs, bombs, guns etc. but she sat down on the couch and listened to him talk. Not interrupting him. she had him tell her about his life. Not saying much, she said “Why don’t you take down that negative stuff on the walls and put up some Smilies? Not meaning it literally but when she came back the posters of the swastika and Hitler were gone and he put up smilies. Each appointment increased his trust in her and one day, he took her to a tattoo parlor where he had a man cover up the giant swastika on his with a bear so people could not see the scary symbol. He distanced himself from his former neo-nazi buddies and eventually went on tour talking to troubled youths and steering them away from where he had been to more positive futures. There are many interviews of people who were strangers who became life long friends.
Then this told of when empathy does not happen, the scientific experiments had such terrible results that it was painful to read about them. I found myself not wanting to read that part. The author winds up with the example of Boswana, where the government proactively moved people into different areas. The problem is that we cannot do that here or in most places.
What is the solution? None of us know, but the author makes a wonderful try.
March 25, 2023
I received a copy of this book through the Amazon Vine program in exchange for an honest review.
The book ended up around 3.5 stars for me.
This is an interesting book to rate. It opens with anecdotes about people who change their views and then dives in deeper to what that means and psychological research. Berbner shares some specific stories and research about people learning from other people. He talks about how we categorize people based on the most extremes and how that impacts how we see each other. There's a lot of focus on stories in Europe. Berbner notes that some of the language he uses is offensive, but there are parts of the book where he uses other derogatory language without noting it. The book also fails to acknowledge that sometimes people are extremists and if they're not open to change they're not going to change and that the victims in a lot of this discriminations and misinformation are people who are already marginalized. It's interesting as well that some of the people featured in these stories say they've changed their perspective of individuals, but still not the marginalized groups they fit into. There's some difficult and interesting stories shared throughout this book, but I would have liked to see more about what we can do to change.
The book ended up around 3.5 stars for me.
This is an interesting book to rate. It opens with anecdotes about people who change their views and then dives in deeper to what that means and psychological research. Berbner shares some specific stories and research about people learning from other people. He talks about how we categorize people based on the most extremes and how that impacts how we see each other. There's a lot of focus on stories in Europe. Berbner notes that some of the language he uses is offensive, but there are parts of the book where he uses other derogatory language without noting it. The book also fails to acknowledge that sometimes people are extremists and if they're not open to change they're not going to change and that the victims in a lot of this discriminations and misinformation are people who are already marginalized. It's interesting as well that some of the people featured in these stories say they've changed their perspective of individuals, but still not the marginalized groups they fit into. There's some difficult and interesting stories shared throughout this book, but I would have liked to see more about what we can do to change.
May 27, 2023
This nonfiction book attempts to address how the world can overcome the hatred and prejudices that divide us. I was intrigued to read this book because it is written by a German journalist. I was curious to see what hatreds and prejudices would be discussed in the book. Most of my readings around the subject are from a United States perspective.
The author includes hatred towards people based on race, sexuality, tribes, politics and religions from all around the world. The author presents personal accounts of individuals who overcame their prejudices and data that shows how some countries have sought to overcome their differences. What the author does not do is provide tangible ideas on how this can be accomplished throughout the world.
I hybrid read this book. The audiobook is read by Robert Fass. I appreciated the audiobook narrator's pronunciations of people and places that were not familiar to me.
I received a free copy of this book through the Amazon Vine program in exchange for an honest review.
The author includes hatred towards people based on race, sexuality, tribes, politics and religions from all around the world. The author presents personal accounts of individuals who overcame their prejudices and data that shows how some countries have sought to overcome their differences. What the author does not do is provide tangible ideas on how this can be accomplished throughout the world.
I hybrid read this book. The audiobook is read by Robert Fass. I appreciated the audiobook narrator's pronunciations of people and places that were not familiar to me.
I received a free copy of this book through the Amazon Vine program in exchange for an honest review.
September 5, 2023
This book was SO good!! It was such a captivating read about our world and how it’s so divided now. It’s 100% middle ground which is a huge factor why I enjoyed it so much and I finished it in 4 days because of how interesting it was to read. A lot of it had to do with other country’s issues and politics which was nice not being all about America and the problems we have here. Bastian Berbner did an amazing job on this book, as a journalist that dedicated his life to these issues it came off as an amazing report and I think everyone should read it.
January 1, 2024
It wasn’t a bad book, but I agree with the other reviews in how it started off strong and then went a bit dense. I found it a little hard to finish whenever I was halfway with this book. The author had a little bit of bias, but I appreciated seeing the different global examples instead of solely focusing on the US. Additionally, it talked about various different types of groups that are seemingly polarized against one another. It’s certainly crazy how the news can promote generalization and dehumanizing of people.
September 16, 2024
This book started off with interesting stories. The closing chapters were disappointing compared to the rest of the book. A few social psychology experiments were mentioned without any concern for the validity of those experiments that have been mostly debunked. And for earlier chapters that discuss complexity and nuance, the conclusions made at the end of the book lack a lot of complexity and nuance. It almost seems like the author wrote this book with a specific ending and conclusions in mind before conducting even the tiniest bit of actual research.
November 7, 2022
It reminded me of Kathy Cramer's book "The Politics of Resentment. Rural Consciousness in Wisconsin", where she spent time drinking coffee with rural Wisconsinites.
I thought that the idea of using a lottery system to choose politicians is an interesting idea and egalitarian. We use the process in jury duty and the draft.
I thought that the idea of using a lottery system to choose politicians is an interesting idea and egalitarian. We use the process in jury duty and the draft.
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October 27, 2022Notables 2022 #86
January 10, 2023
Appreciated the global perspective on the question of why we are so divided as humans.
May 15, 2023
More stories like these, please. Berbner is amazing in his search for "common ground." Next time, he could shorten the research by years, if he focused on women's stories. Women are the ones who are experts at searching for common ground all their lives.
True story in the news: An escaped convict used an open window in an apartment, where he met up with the owner in the kitchen. The owner was a kind woman. She offered to make the escaped convict pancakes.
Afterwards, the man turned himself in, and said that the woman gave him "real butter" for his pancakes, and he never had tasted real butter before.
True story in the news: An escaped convict used an open window in an apartment, where he met up with the owner in the kitchen. The owner was a kind woman. She offered to make the escaped convict pancakes.
Afterwards, the man turned himself in, and said that the woman gave him "real butter" for his pancakes, and he never had tasted real butter before.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews