You Are Not The Man You Are Supposed to Be

by Martin Robinson

'Wasn't it time to pull apart what makes us men - to find some answers for myself, and perhaps for others too?'

In this searingly honest yet frequently hilarious book, we join Martin Robinson - magazine journalist and founder of men's media site The Book of Man - on a journey into the chaos of modern masculinity. Along the way, Martin visits mental health groups and prisons, talks to sex activists, evolutionary psychologists and musicians, works out with Special Forces soldiers, watches cage fights, has a drag makeover and subjects himself to an 'intimacy jam' - all in his quest to unpeel the onion-like layers that make up the modern man. And yes, tears are shed. Not cool, solitary tears either.

Reflecting on his reporting and discussions with experts, Martin also examines some of the most pressing concerns facing men today, including violence, suicide and the spectre of toxic masculinity. He explores how men are defining themselves beyond traditional male stereotypes; whether they can learn to expand the limits of what society expects; how to combat the male mental health epidemic; and why men need a new blueprint to live by in a society transformed by the Digital Age, new attitudes in gender relations and a global pandemic.

Crammed full of interviews with the likes of Jason Fox from Who Dares Wins, Jason Williamson of Sleaford Mods, musician Professor Green, authors Poorna Bell and Thomas Page McBee, poet Derek Owusu and Olympic gold-winning boxer Luke Campbell MBE, You Are Not the Man You Are Supposed to Be portrays a nation of men struggling to make sense of this strange new world, ultimately seeking out powerful new ways for them to be.

Genres: Nonfiction, Gender, Feminism

Audible Audio

Published February 18, 2021

Reviews

[Polina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think I will never use the marketing agency/publishing house that the author used. Such a great book with such a little publicity. It's a shame it's not as famous and as widely read as Baldoni's "Undefining masculinity", whish is also good but not as good ;)

I truly enjoyed the book.

The annoying part is when the author and other Brits start to complain about parts of Britain being poor. Jesus fucking Christ. The poorest Brit is among richest people on the planet. Come live in Moldova and then we talk about poverty and lack of jobs.

[Wild Waters · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very important book (which I bought in the museum shop of the V&A after visiting an exhibition called "Fashioning Masculinities" about men's fashion throughout the centuries), dealing with one of the most important topics of our time - masculinity, men, identity and the issues we face as societies - not just in the West, even if the author mainly makes his point from that perspective because it's his lived reality - resulting from "traditional" or backwards oriented roles that boys and men are acting out for the sake of keeping the old systems running, although much is broken there. I appreciated all the people he interviewed, the aid societies he met with and the honesty that the author showed us in looking at his own life and dismantling it. It was easy to follow and understand as he built his narrative and made his points, that I support and wish men would face, also on an intellectual level, because as Martin Robinson points out, it's great if women read this or sit at talks about male mental health problems etc, but it's not helping if men shy away and prefer to go down to the pub, because it is what they are used to. Especially the chapters on men and emotions, fatherhood or being tough and rejecting The Other and the belief of being the "default human" I found most captivating and worth musing on. Fantastic non-fiction and absolutely necessary read to improve yourself as a human being, in my opinion.

[basichka · Rating 4 out of 5]

Жевала середину полтора месяца, чтобы дочитать вторую половину за одну ночь.

Тяжело читать из-за огульных безосновательных суждений тут и там, основанных на обобщении и экстраполяции, и на таких моментах приходится себе напоминать – это публицистика, это не научный материал, выдыхай.

В остальном – забавный, пусть и написанный в самоуничижительной (и уничижающей весь род мужской) манере текст, не лишённый хорошего юмора. Не что-то радикально новое на тему, и не что-то, о чём вы не слышали раньше, но, тем не менее в качестве читательной медитации сгодится

В своём жанре не худшее из возможного, я подозреваю

[Owen Philipps · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyable and eye opening insight into the damaging nature of traditional masculinity, focusing primarily on how it is affecting men themselves. It explores how a shift towards male vulnerability is evident in towns across the UK, allowing men to deal with life's difficulties in a more healthy manner and with support. Martin Robinson has an engaging, personal and sometimes humorous writing style, which allowed the reader to be present in his interviews and thought processes.

[Ike Omeh · Rating 4 out of 5]

very interesting review of the modern man and ways we make life harder for ourselves. while reading i couldn’t help but think that when it comes to peer pressure there aren’t that many differences between men and women — this book truly shows how an outdated view on masculinity hurts men and how it leads to them hurting everyone else. an insightful read for people of all genders!

[James Hill · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book strange initially, but the middle section was excellent. Toward the end, it becomes a bit circular, but certainly worth the read.

[Anatoly · Rating 1 out of 5]

Книга куколда укушенного феминистками

[Ilya · Rating 3 out of 5]

Интересные проблемы у белых людей

[Nikita Velichko · Rating 2 out of 5]

Интересная тема, очень скучно раскрытая; «Тело — не менее значимая составляющая образа мужчины, чем реальная власть», «Я нашел в видео момент, где Стивен цитирует свою любимую фразу: "Не верь всему, что ты думаешь"», ну да, тьфу

[Ponceau · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honestly speaking, I expected this book to be non-fiction. It contains a lot of moments from the author's life, but I personally prefer something more concise. However, my boyfriend really liked this book, so it's just the matter of taste. I recommend reading it.