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Peas and Queues
How do you get rid of unwanted guests? What do you do if there's a racket in the quiet carriage? Who are you supposed to kiss - and is it one kiss or two? How to behave, like how to punctuate, is an aspect of life that many are no longer taught - and getting it wrong is the stuff of comedy at best and humiliation at worst. Thankfully, Sandi Toksvig has come to the rescue with her entertaining guide to modern manners, with tips on what to do whether you're talking to a bore, or forgot their name in the first place.
384 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2013
105 people are currently reading
704 people want to read
About the author
Sandi Toksvig
111 books537 followersDanish/British writer, presenter, comedian, actress and producer on British radio and television. She currently presents The News Quiz on BBC Radio 4 and 1001 Things You Should Know on Channel 4. In October 2012 she succeeded Sheila Hancock as Chancellor of the University of Portsmouth.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 173 reviews
December 8, 2013
I'm considering starting a new book shelf titled "whatever possessed me!" with this one first to join it. I thought this book might be an amusing look at the things we take as good manners and where they stem from. I was wrong... it was not! I was disappointed and bored throughout. Why I did not give up earlier I am not sure, but by the time I'd reached the latter stage of the book I was determined to finish it. I only managed this by already choosing my next book as something I really wanted to get on to.
Would not recommend to anyone ...unless you are looking for something to bore and irritate you that is!
Would not recommend to anyone ...unless you are looking for something to bore and irritate you that is!
February 24, 2014
Review first posted on BookLikes:
http://brokentune.booklikes.com/post/...
Usually, I try to start my reviews with a quote that I think encapsulates what either what the book is about, or the mood, or something else that strikes me about the book.
I was having a hard time to find a quote from Peas & Queues that would encapsulate any of this.
When I went out for breakfast with a friend on Sunday, he - who likes Sandi Toksvig when she's on tv - asked me what the book was about, and for the first time in ages, I was actually stunned and unable to form a coherent thought that would describe my impressions of the book. Granted, I had only had one sip of my first cup of coffee - but usually I find it easy enough to talk about books.
So, having had the benefit of a few days' reflection, I think my main problem with the Peas & Queues is that I have no idea what the book is about:
In the preface it is explained that the book is aimed at the author's niece as a guide to modern manners and general advice. Then book starts off giving a background to manners and social conventions that became what is now known under the label of "manners". That part of the book is quite interesting - and the examples chosen from history are quite funny.
The subsequent chapters of the book are then devoted to different real life situations - living with other people, eating out, being invited, etc. And this is where the book loses the plot a little; where the descriptions become quite common sense, quite "uninteresting", for want of a better word. Also, there are fewer examples of famous incidents. All in all, the further into the book I advanced, the more it read like writing the book had become a task that had to be completed, but really, the author lost interest in it, too.
Or, maybe it is just me; maybe I just don't give a monkey's about manners.
http://brokentune.booklikes.com/post/...
Usually, I try to start my reviews with a quote that I think encapsulates what either what the book is about, or the mood, or something else that strikes me about the book.
I was having a hard time to find a quote from Peas & Queues that would encapsulate any of this.
When I went out for breakfast with a friend on Sunday, he - who likes Sandi Toksvig when she's on tv - asked me what the book was about, and for the first time in ages, I was actually stunned and unable to form a coherent thought that would describe my impressions of the book. Granted, I had only had one sip of my first cup of coffee - but usually I find it easy enough to talk about books.
So, having had the benefit of a few days' reflection, I think my main problem with the Peas & Queues is that I have no idea what the book is about:
In the preface it is explained that the book is aimed at the author's niece as a guide to modern manners and general advice. Then book starts off giving a background to manners and social conventions that became what is now known under the label of "manners". That part of the book is quite interesting - and the examples chosen from history are quite funny.
The subsequent chapters of the book are then devoted to different real life situations - living with other people, eating out, being invited, etc. And this is where the book loses the plot a little; where the descriptions become quite common sense, quite "uninteresting", for want of a better word. Also, there are fewer examples of famous incidents. All in all, the further into the book I advanced, the more it read like writing the book had become a task that had to be completed, but really, the author lost interest in it, too.
Or, maybe it is just me; maybe I just don't give a monkey's about manners.
January 4, 2016
This is a book about modern manners/etiquette for a 21-century average person. Which means that it needs Sandi Toksvig's lovely dry sense of humor. If you get this in audiobook format you won't regret it. It was great!
What I did was get a bundle: I got the ebook from Amazon which gave me a discount on the audiobook. I had a chance to annotate on the ebook while listening to Sandi Toksvig while she imparted wisdom about forks and their origin.
That's another thing I liked about this book, you get the information you need to survive in any social situation and, as a bonus, a little bit of history. I hope I never forget the Top C's of Manners: Consideration, Common sense, Context, Comfort.
What I did was get a bundle: I got the ebook from Amazon which gave me a discount on the audiobook. I had a chance to annotate on the ebook while listening to Sandi Toksvig while she imparted wisdom about forks and their origin.
That's another thing I liked about this book, you get the information you need to survive in any social situation and, as a bonus, a little bit of history. I hope I never forget the Top C's of Manners: Consideration, Common sense, Context, Comfort.
August 25, 2017
The introduction to this is excellent; several lines made me laugh out loud. The bulk of the book, however, is - well, it's an etiquette guide. In fairness, it doesn't pretend to be anything else, and it is presented with Toksvig's usual clever dry wit. I suspect if anyone was going to write an entertaining book about protocol and good behaviour, it would be her, but I suspect there's a fairly low limit for how much of a page-turner any guide to manners can be.
September 16, 2014
I'm not sure what other people were expecting with this: luckily, I approached it for exactly what it is, a book which offers advice on all sorts of situations and how to navigate them with dignity and politeness. Sort of like Captain Awkward, but more formal, and less tailored to a specific individual or situation. It contains all sorts of advice from dealing with family life to what to do at weddings and funerals.
It even touches on some etiquette that seems obvious when you hear it, but which people genuinely do miss. Like asking a lesbian couple about their sex life and which of them is the man -- just don't. If you wouldn't ask the question of a straight couple, don't ask it of a gay couple. A lot of Toksvig's advice boils down to not putting other people in awkward situations (e.g. like public proposals where there's an obligation to say yes or look ridiculous) and respecting other people's privacy.
Pretty solid. And it's sometimes interesting, sometimes funny, sometimes useful -- and sometimes, as all generalisations are, not useful. At least Toksvig acknowledges -- repeatedly -- the importance of context rather than a rigid set of rules.
It even touches on some etiquette that seems obvious when you hear it, but which people genuinely do miss. Like asking a lesbian couple about their sex life and which of them is the man -- just don't. If you wouldn't ask the question of a straight couple, don't ask it of a gay couple. A lot of Toksvig's advice boils down to not putting other people in awkward situations (e.g. like public proposals where there's an obligation to say yes or look ridiculous) and respecting other people's privacy.
Pretty solid. And it's sometimes interesting, sometimes funny, sometimes useful -- and sometimes, as all generalisations are, not useful. At least Toksvig acknowledges -- repeatedly -- the importance of context rather than a rigid set of rules.
May 25, 2018
DNF at 26%
I love Sandi Toksvig. Just want to get that out the way first.
I thought this would be an interesting and quirky book about the history of formal manners, how they developed and whether they are relevant to the modern age etc. Instead it's just a list of instructions that are either obvious (don't be rude to your waiter, it's rude to check your phone at the table) or unlikely to come up in most people's life unless you are attending some really fancy parties (e.g. how to use a finger bowl).
There are occasional anecdotes from Sandi, and stories of Louis XIV's dinner parties, but these are too few and far between, so I didn't feel any desire to wade through the last 200-odd pages.
I love Sandi Toksvig. Just want to get that out the way first.
I thought this would be an interesting and quirky book about the history of formal manners, how they developed and whether they are relevant to the modern age etc. Instead it's just a list of instructions that are either obvious (don't be rude to your waiter, it's rude to check your phone at the table) or unlikely to come up in most people's life unless you are attending some really fancy parties (e.g. how to use a finger bowl).
There are occasional anecdotes from Sandi, and stories of Louis XIV's dinner parties, but these are too few and far between, so I didn't feel any desire to wade through the last 200-odd pages.
December 2, 2014
Okay, mind the gap, don't jump the queue, clean up after yourself, change the toilet rolls, don't steal others' milk or cookies and I don't know what else...maybe don't try to invade Russia during winter?
I don't really know why adults have to read this book?
I don't really know why adults have to read this book?
April 16, 2017
I know the author from her work on radio and the 'voice' of this book was destinctly hers. I'm sure many will say that this covers what is only common sense, but if that were true they possibly wouldn't be so commonly disregarded. Manners make life easier for everyone; if we grasp that we can make life a little happier for ourselves and those around us.
July 17, 2023
There is something quite reassuring and authoritative about Sandi Toksvig’s voice, and when she lays out the rules of social interactions, you tend to agree that what she says should be universally followed – for the smooth running of any society.
The book is addressed to a young girl, Mary, giving her (and us) etiquette rules to follow throughout life, from childhood to grave, and in every situation in between. The basic idea underpinning virtually all, is
“do unto others as you would have them do unto you”
Of course, as it is Sandi Toksvig, there is a large amount of humour attached. Not laugh out loud – more a quiet chuckle as you recognise certain situations where you or someone else did not act in the appropriate way.
Most of the rules are ones you will already know about, and most of those you will already apply in your life, but it is rather nice to be reminded occasionally that you are doing the correct thing – or should at least try.
An amusing book, that is great to listen to.
The book is addressed to a young girl, Mary, giving her (and us) etiquette rules to follow throughout life, from childhood to grave, and in every situation in between. The basic idea underpinning virtually all, is
“do unto others as you would have them do unto you”
Of course, as it is Sandi Toksvig, there is a large amount of humour attached. Not laugh out loud – more a quiet chuckle as you recognise certain situations where you or someone else did not act in the appropriate way.
Most of the rules are ones you will already know about, and most of those you will already apply in your life, but it is rather nice to be reminded occasionally that you are doing the correct thing – or should at least try.
An amusing book, that is great to listen to.
August 22, 2023
Sometimes, we all need to be reminded why good manners are important. The audiobook version is narrated by the author and is the ultimate in easy listening. It is wryly amusing, relaxing, and informative if a little repetitive at times. 3.75 stars.
July 9, 2024
Good fun. Maybe a little dated now re social media etc but not in a way that detracts from the book/message.
June 7, 2020
Like a lot of us I am quite angry, quite a lot of the time right now. I wanted something light and amusing and this certainly fit the bill on that front- however it also underlined a lot of the things that are making me cross at the moment, so many of the ills of the world would be solved if we just paid a little more attention to being considerate to the feelings, rights and lives of those around us. It don't think everything would be fixed if we all knew which fork to use at dinner, but I do think that true politeness would help along the way.
June 7, 2014
In someone else's hands, this would have been a drab and condescending manual but Toksvig really does make you want to read on: not just because of her wit and humour but because of the anecdotes and etymology that the book is littered with. A pick up, put down browsable book but, boy, do you get caught up in it.
November 2, 2013
An easy going, fun read.
May 4, 2014
Delightfully entertaining and educational read, even if your manners are already impeccable.
March 31, 2015
Tedious, dull, dreary, unfunny. That enough warning? :) Don't bother reading in other words.
February 18, 2020
Sandi Toksvig takes us on a gentle, polite tour through a subject that's rife with pitfalls and faux pas: manners.
I adore Sandi Toksvig, and hope I get to meet her someday, if only to get one of her highly-prized hugs and to see that smile in person. She always makes me laugh, and she offers pert, and pertinent, commentary on most subjects that either feeds my confirmation bias or gives me a new way to look at an old subject. Case in point - manners.
Scattered throughout this primer on everything from which fork to use and how to place it on the table, to how to behave when a friend has had a death in the family, are interesting quotes and anecdotes. I ended up saving a great many of them in my book journal for future reference when I'm feeling blue. One of my favorites has to do with an opera star who has the meet-cute of all meet-cutes.
Notice I didn't say anything about writing down the tips on actual polite behavior. While informative, this part of the book did indeed become quite repetitive (which I suppose is the point; nobody's mother ever said "sit up straight" or "elbows off of the table!" just once). Even so, after the first five or so times of being reminded to monitor one's alcohol intake during an event, I think I was safe in saying "yeah, yeah, I get it."
As is so often true in manners manuals, I didn't see so much that I should be doing myself (of course not - we all think we're personally delightful, even though none of us really is), but saw so many things that I would have loved to highight in glow-in-the-dark yellow and leave under the noses of the people who engage in the behavior being "tsked." For instance, it is not necessary (indeed, it is unpleasant) to tell others at the table WHY you're excusing yourself for a moment. Speaking as someone who once got to hear a fellow diner's complete digestive diary of that particular day just because they needed to excuse themselves, I heartily concur. It would be rude of me to point it out, however, so I couldn't possibly comment.
I adore Sandi Toksvig, and hope I get to meet her someday, if only to get one of her highly-prized hugs and to see that smile in person. She always makes me laugh, and she offers pert, and pertinent, commentary on most subjects that either feeds my confirmation bias or gives me a new way to look at an old subject. Case in point - manners.
Scattered throughout this primer on everything from which fork to use and how to place it on the table, to how to behave when a friend has had a death in the family, are interesting quotes and anecdotes. I ended up saving a great many of them in my book journal for future reference when I'm feeling blue. One of my favorites has to do with an opera star who has the meet-cute of all meet-cutes.
Notice I didn't say anything about writing down the tips on actual polite behavior. While informative, this part of the book did indeed become quite repetitive (which I suppose is the point; nobody's mother ever said "sit up straight" or "elbows off of the table!" just once). Even so, after the first five or so times of being reminded to monitor one's alcohol intake during an event, I think I was safe in saying "yeah, yeah, I get it."
As is so often true in manners manuals, I didn't see so much that I should be doing myself (of course not - we all think we're personally delightful, even though none of us really is), but saw so many things that I would have loved to highight in glow-in-the-dark yellow and leave under the noses of the people who engage in the behavior being "tsked." For instance, it is not necessary (indeed, it is unpleasant) to tell others at the table WHY you're excusing yourself for a moment. Speaking as someone who once got to hear a fellow diner's complete digestive diary of that particular day just because they needed to excuse themselves, I heartily concur. It would be rude of me to point it out, however, so I couldn't possibly comment.
November 21, 2019
I was disappointed in this book. I'd enjoyed watching Sandi Toksvig on QI, when she took over from Stephen Fry (hard act to follow!) and she did so well I was looking forward to the same humour in her writing. Unfortunately, I didn't really find it. It's there in small pieces, but the text quickly deteriorates into a list of Do's and Don'ts. It also seems mainly oriented to young adults, yet my library (I borrowed rather than bought it, thank god) has classified it as "adult non-fiction".
I think Sandi would have done better to have illustrated it with more anecdotes and quirky references than she does. I mean, the basic idea behind all social discourse is courtesy and keeping your prejudices under wraps along with your temper; not overdoing the alcohol; not behaving like a total boor at the dinner table, etc. Okay, kids may need waking up on this stuff, but, by the time you're an adult...? Maybe it's not totally too late, but if you're the type who is a two-pot screamer and tries to make out with your married boss at the office party, there's really not much hope for you and reading Sandi's book won't make you change; it will probably just bore you to tears.
In short - fail. Unhappy about it 'cause I still like her, but...
I think Sandi would have done better to have illustrated it with more anecdotes and quirky references than she does. I mean, the basic idea behind all social discourse is courtesy and keeping your prejudices under wraps along with your temper; not overdoing the alcohol; not behaving like a total boor at the dinner table, etc. Okay, kids may need waking up on this stuff, but, by the time you're an adult...? Maybe it's not totally too late, but if you're the type who is a two-pot screamer and tries to make out with your married boss at the office party, there's really not much hope for you and reading Sandi's book won't make you change; it will probably just bore you to tears.
In short - fail. Unhappy about it 'cause I still like her, but...
September 24, 2020
I will admit right off the mark that I am a huge fan of Sandi Toksvig, which has probably coloured by opinion of this book.
Regardless, I enjoyed the deep dive into the etiquette of various situations, even if I can't say that I necessarily agree with all of it.
Sandi's narration of her book was stellar; I always enjoy it when an author reads there own book as there is something about hearing a book exactly as the author intended it that makes it extra special.
Regardless, I enjoyed the deep dive into the etiquette of various situations, even if I can't say that I necessarily agree with all of it.
Sandi's narration of her book was stellar; I always enjoy it when an author reads there own book as there is something about hearing a book exactly as the author intended it that makes it extra special.
February 22, 2023
Lots of stuff I didn’t agree with/disseminating of traditions I don’t think should be upheld (when I open my breastfeeding cafe no one will have to ‘cover themselves’!!! However, still some interesting bits and bobs - especially curious historical explanations behind bizarre social etiquette still practised today,
This one was actually quite a rogue read
This one was actually quite a rogue read
May 30, 2021
Really enjoyable. Sadly, those who need to know this stuff will never read this book.
A nice journey through how to behave in society with Toksvig's wit weaved nicely throughout.
A pleasant distraction
A nice journey through how to behave in society with Toksvig's wit weaved nicely throughout.
A pleasant distraction
January 21, 2021
Sandi writes this book with good humour, and it is clearly well-researched, but I found it a bit dry and at times patronising.
May 27, 2021
Audiobook
September 6, 2023
Listened to on Audible.
A lovely non fiction book from Sandi, and read by Sandi too, which makes it even better.
Written in the format of letters, to Mary, explaining life situations, makes it personal rather than just a list of "how to's".
A lovely non fiction book from Sandi, and read by Sandi too, which makes it even better.
Written in the format of letters, to Mary, explaining life situations, makes it personal rather than just a list of "how to's".
February 4, 2024
I’m not sure why Sandi felt the need to write this when there are many etiquette books out there already. I didn’t learn anything but it was a quick read though.
October 6, 2020
valiant attempt at doing an updated etiquette book for the current times, however some of the advice is already sounding a little dated (the section about Twitter, where she notes Lady Gaga has many more followers than Barack Obama, feels like a whole other era now), and other bits don't seem to take neurodiverse folks into account (for example, the insistence that you should always look people in the eye when talking to them, and you should teach your kids to do the same). The anecdotes are quite fun and informative though.
August 21, 2016
This seems a bit like a book designed to be sold as a Christmas present, but I think Sandi Toksvig may have taken it rather seriously. It is full of interesting facts and humorous anecdotes, but I think there is a flaw with the basic premise: if you needed the information on courtesy you probably wouldn't read the book. I quite enjoyed it, but wouldn't particularly recommend it.... Quite a few 'but's!
October 21, 2016
Listened to the unabridged audio version which is read by Sandi Toksvig. Very enjoyable and funny. I suspect that most of the entertainment value is in her delivery...you can not help but be amused by her dry and witty social observations. I'm not sure I would appreciate it in the same way if I were reading the book. I highly recommend the audio book version, each chapter is like a Radio episode. (less)
November 6, 2013
This is a mixture of sound advice about manners concerned with everything from womb to tomb and beyond. It would be fairly dull if it were not interspersed with Sandi's humorous comments and frequent quotations from historical sources. I enjoyed reading it and might even refer back to it for occasional advice.
October 26, 2014
Put simply : "Mahabharata of Hinduism declares, ‘This is the sum of duty; do naught unto others what would cause pain if done to you’, while the Jewish Talmud instructs ‘What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellowman. This is the entire Law; all the rest is commentary’ and the Christian Bible follows on with ‘Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself"
Displaying 1 - 30 of 173 reviews