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The Silent Guides: How to understand and develop children's emotions, thinking and behaviours
From the author of the million-copy selling The Chimp Paradox
How can we help our
become more resilient? get over mistakes? develop a positive outlook? And, what can we do to become better role models?
Prof Steve Peters uses his Chimp Mind Management Model to help parents, teachers and carers understand the neuroscience behind unconscious beliefs and habits that may be silently guiding children's emotions, thinking and behaviours.
The Silent Guides explores ten positive habits and many related themes taken from the children's educational book My Hidden Chimp.
Prof Steve Peters helps challenge unhelpful behaviours such
being overly self-critical fear of failure low self-esteem This is an important and groundbreaking new audiobook from the best-selling author of The Chimp Paradox and the creator of the chimp management mind model.
How can we help our
become more resilient? get over mistakes? develop a positive outlook? And, what can we do to become better role models?
Prof Steve Peters uses his Chimp Mind Management Model to help parents, teachers and carers understand the neuroscience behind unconscious beliefs and habits that may be silently guiding children's emotions, thinking and behaviours.
The Silent Guides explores ten positive habits and many related themes taken from the children's educational book My Hidden Chimp.
Prof Steve Peters helps challenge unhelpful behaviours such
being overly self-critical fear of failure low self-esteem This is an important and groundbreaking new audiobook from the best-selling author of The Chimp Paradox and the creator of the chimp management mind model.
Audible Audio
First published June 6, 2013
155 people are currently reading
828 people want to read
About the author
Steve Peters
12 books176 followersProfessor Steve Peters is a consultant psychiatrist and has worked in the clinical field of psychiatry for over 20 years. He specialises in optimising the functioning of the mind and also holds degrees in mathematics and medicine. Prof Peters is Undergraduate Dean at Sheffield University Medical School and resident psychiatrist with Sky ProCycling. He is also the consultant psychiatrist for Liverpool FC and, from May 2014, for the England football team. Steven Gerrard, Sir Chris Hoy, Sir Bradley Wiggins, Ronnie O'Sullivan, Victoria Pendleton and Craig Bellamy have all spoken publicly about how Prof Peters' unique model has helped them improve their performance.
Outside of elite sport, Prof Peters works with CEOs, senior executives, students, hospital staff and patients, helping them to understand why they think and act as they do and how to manage their minds to optimise their performance at work and in their personal lives.
Outside of elite sport, Prof Peters works with CEOs, senior executives, students, hospital staff and patients, helping them to understand why they think and act as they do and how to manage their minds to optimise their performance at work and in their personal lives.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 64 reviews
December 7, 2018
I am so disappointed by this book. I absolutely loved the Chimp Paradox and was fascinated whilst reading it. I loved the simplistic model to allow us to conceptualise the neuroscience behind our own behaviour and how we interface with the world and others. However, this book felt like it was written to make more money as it lacked any further substance. Nowhere on the cover or blurb does it say that this book is an instruction manual for how to recognise the chimp in children and help them to programme their computer and be more human. This is essentially what this book is and as I have no children in my immediate life I felt it was completely unnecessary for me to read. If I had known this was what it was I would not have bought it and feel tricked. The cover purports understanding and developing the mind throughout life, but this is not discussed at all. It literally discusses children and there is no discussion of how the mind is changing through various ages across the lifespan. I see there is also a book written by Peters of how to apply this to pets and so I think he’s trying to milk this cow for all it’s worth; surely people have the ability to apply the principles themselves to various situations.
October 25, 2019
The best parenting book I’ve read so far. It completely changed my perspective on my kids’ behaviour and how I react to them.
This is more than a tricks and advice type parenting book. It gives you so much insight into how their minds work and develop and how we can help them with problems such a over reacting, perfectionism, fear of failure etc. A really great read that I’ll be coming back to time and again.
This is more than a tricks and advice type parenting book. It gives you so much insight into how their minds work and develop and how we can help them with problems such a over reacting, perfectionism, fear of failure etc. A really great read that I’ll be coming back to time and again.
January 26, 2021
Interesting and has inspired me to go back and re read The Chimp Paradox. However, giving it 3 stars because it was much more angled at parenting than I had expected, thought that was going to be 50% but it seemed to be the whole book.
June 9, 2021
This is an excellent book if you are new to neuroscience and the developing mind. Prof Peters explains things in such a simple, practical way. This is a good basic introduction. recommend for parents of children especially between the ages of 3-8 yrs old. It looks like a book for adults but it is absolutely focused on very young children. The Whole Brain Child and How to Talk so Kids Will Listen are even better in my opinion.
May 17, 2019
I enjoyed this but think I needed to read the Chimp paradox first, although there is a summary of the model in this book. The start was excellent, getting us to think how our early experiences form our belief system which then act to unconsciously guide our behaviour as adults. It then looks at how to deal with children to help them grow into healthy functioning adults. The second part of the book didn't seem to fit well with the first - but I found it useful to think about how my own beliefs have developed and you could still use the same techniques with adults.
February 28, 2019
Had I known this would be completely about children I probably would have picked something else. Nearly all about the developing minds of kids and managing their own chimps so didn't really offer me anything new from the chimp paradox which was a lot better
March 3, 2020
This book is the guideline for parents in adopting the fundamentals first highlighted by the author in his book, the Chimp Paradox. I liked the Chimp Paradox model but I found it too theoretical and as such the impact in practice for me was fairly limited. I found this book a very good summary of the key takeaways in the Chimp Paradox in an easy to read, digestible and ultimately very memorable way. It is targeted at parents but what is applicable to children in the mental mind model postulated here is very applicable to adults. I found this book and the child companion The Hidden Chimp far more memorable and practical for me personally. I am yet to try it on my child. My only complaint is that it really took reading 3 books on the same topic for the method to be distilled in a way that is appropriate for my simple brain to metabolise better. As a parenting book aiming to instil habits, communication, inter personal skills, confidence and calm for kids, this book alongside the Hidden Chimp are one of the better ones out there. The 4 stars is because you really need the Hidden Chimp book to illustrate the model to a child in a way they start to understand it - the author is milking the same topic effectively. At £9-10 a pop, this is quite pricey for some.
March 27, 2023
Your brain has 3 teams:
1. Me. Lógical and analytical. Store data in the computer below
2. Machine/chimp. Old brain bineri. Exgarmerate. Works with emotions. Store data in the computer below.
3. The computer is a storing device.
Because you and the machine store contradicting data about the same events. It confuses people when trying to access memory again.
@@Counciousness comes in at 3 years old@@
----
Procrastination is because the machine does want to do it.
-----
Structure of the brain:
- You human. Dorsal lateral and prefontal cortex.
- think Machine \ chimp. Orbital cortex. Amigdula
- computer. Hypocamlus and amigdula.
----
Humain team.
Think. Décision. Rational way décide. Maje sense. Ask questions. Prioritisation. Conscious awareness.
-----
Chimp machine Team
Think independantly. High jack us. Emotional approach. Trial error. Impulsive. React. Very fast to react.
Can override the human.
----
Computer team.
Memory Bank that Reminds and advise of previous experiences.
Can follow programmed thiking and Beheaviour. He can not interpret.
Advisor, that can take over. Automatic responses. Ie. Fight, flight or freeze.
----
The chimp always gets the information first. And as the human gets the information later, the chimp may have already act on it.
The chimp with not always wrong and sometime humans don't have enough information to make logical decision. Therefore, the fast activing intuitive chimp may ve the be option.
---
3 type of decisions:
- impulsively from chimp
- rapidly automatic resoonse from computer.
- slowly and rationally. Human.
----
The chimp always, gets the information first and is ready to react. So, If you want to slow him down to give time for the humain to take over, teach/program your computer, to always tell the chimp, when retrieving information, to take a moment before acting (ie take a deep breath, or tell a small sentence 'could you give me a moment please'.)
You can tell the chimp to shut up, if there is not treat, danger, or excitement. Be proactive.
----
If programmed, the computer can override the chimp.
Routines are good, as automatic Beheaviour without the help on chimp.
-----
Adult brain, the Humain brain, is fully functional by 30 years old. And it can program the computer.
-----
- Emotional memory (chimp) from birth
- factual memory. Humain. From 3years old. This is why we don't have any factual memories before this. We were not there before 3 years old.
----
@@@Give good maners as a set of behaviours in an unfamiliar environment. Gives confidence. Otherwise, ok an unfamiliar environment, we might be defensive (rude...) @@@
1. Me. Lógical and analytical. Store data in the computer below
2. Machine/chimp. Old brain bineri. Exgarmerate. Works with emotions. Store data in the computer below.
3. The computer is a storing device.
Because you and the machine store contradicting data about the same events. It confuses people when trying to access memory again.
@@Counciousness comes in at 3 years old@@
----
Procrastination is because the machine does want to do it.
-----
Structure of the brain:
- You human. Dorsal lateral and prefontal cortex.
- think Machine \ chimp. Orbital cortex. Amigdula
- computer. Hypocamlus and amigdula.
----
Humain team.
Think. Décision. Rational way décide. Maje sense. Ask questions. Prioritisation. Conscious awareness.
-----
Chimp machine Team
Think independantly. High jack us. Emotional approach. Trial error. Impulsive. React. Very fast to react.
Can override the human.
----
Computer team.
Memory Bank that Reminds and advise of previous experiences.
Can follow programmed thiking and Beheaviour. He can not interpret.
Advisor, that can take over. Automatic responses. Ie. Fight, flight or freeze.
----
The chimp always gets the information first. And as the human gets the information later, the chimp may have already act on it.
The chimp with not always wrong and sometime humans don't have enough information to make logical decision. Therefore, the fast activing intuitive chimp may ve the be option.
---
3 type of decisions:
- impulsively from chimp
- rapidly automatic resoonse from computer.
- slowly and rationally. Human.
----
The chimp always, gets the information first and is ready to react. So, If you want to slow him down to give time for the humain to take over, teach/program your computer, to always tell the chimp, when retrieving information, to take a moment before acting (ie take a deep breath, or tell a small sentence 'could you give me a moment please'.)
You can tell the chimp to shut up, if there is not treat, danger, or excitement. Be proactive.
----
If programmed, the computer can override the chimp.
Routines are good, as automatic Beheaviour without the help on chimp.
-----
Adult brain, the Humain brain, is fully functional by 30 years old. And it can program the computer.
-----
- Emotional memory (chimp) from birth
- factual memory. Humain. From 3years old. This is why we don't have any factual memories before this. We were not there before 3 years old.
----
@@@Give good maners as a set of behaviours in an unfamiliar environment. Gives confidence. Otherwise, ok an unfamiliar environment, we might be defensive (rude...) @@@
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 3, 2019
An okay listen. Steve presented his model to explain how we humans work, mostly from a childs perspective, but much was also applicable to us adults. In the model there is 'the human', that is our rational and conscious mind. Then there is 'the chimp', which is an automatic, emotional and insecure part that that is kind of egocentric and concerned with self preservation. The third part is 'the computer', which I'm not 100% exactly what it does, but I think it has something to do with automatic memory recollection, behaviours, and habits.
I found a lot of useful advice in this book on how to look at how we function, and how to both manage ourselves, as well as our loved ones. One such trick is to acknowledge when 'the chimp' takes over and we act with e.g anger or defensiveness in non-productive, and sometimes harmful manners. Steve calls this the 'chimp hijack'. Letting your rational 'human' manage your emotional and short sighted 'chimp' seems to be the solution to many of our behavioural problems. For instance, I don't like cleaning, or rather, my chimp doesn't like cleaning while my human likes it being clean. A trick is then to visualize how it would look like if it was clean, and then maybe that will convince the chimp to do it.
That being said, I'm not sure how much I really liked the model. First of all, I don't like the names as they are very misleading. Why call some part 'human' when all of them are equally human, and why call some part 'computer' when in the end that's what the whole brain really is. 'The chimp' maybe makes a little sense, even though real chimps probably also have a 'computer' in their brains themselves. It just feels too simplistic, and in the end, I don't really know what they correspond to in more established models found in the literature. I suppose it's to make it easier to explain to children, and some easy way to visualize and remember how we work in order to improve our behaviour. For that part, it does serve its purpose.
I found a lot of useful advice in this book on how to look at how we function, and how to both manage ourselves, as well as our loved ones. One such trick is to acknowledge when 'the chimp' takes over and we act with e.g anger or defensiveness in non-productive, and sometimes harmful manners. Steve calls this the 'chimp hijack'. Letting your rational 'human' manage your emotional and short sighted 'chimp' seems to be the solution to many of our behavioural problems. For instance, I don't like cleaning, or rather, my chimp doesn't like cleaning while my human likes it being clean. A trick is then to visualize how it would look like if it was clean, and then maybe that will convince the chimp to do it.
That being said, I'm not sure how much I really liked the model. First of all, I don't like the names as they are very misleading. Why call some part 'human' when all of them are equally human, and why call some part 'computer' when in the end that's what the whole brain really is. 'The chimp' maybe makes a little sense, even though real chimps probably also have a 'computer' in their brains themselves. It just feels too simplistic, and in the end, I don't really know what they correspond to in more established models found in the literature. I suppose it's to make it easier to explain to children, and some easy way to visualize and remember how we work in order to improve our behaviour. For that part, it does serve its purpose.
April 2, 2024
After reading the Chimp Paradox and then being fortunate to listen to Dr Steve Peters at a conference, I was hooked on this inspirational writer. Parenting is the hardest thing in the world to try and perfect . Even as they grow older, they do not become any easier. This book, has gone a long way to get me to reflect on my parenting style. I'm now called 'new dad' and long may it last. Not that the old dad was bad, it's more, parenting for me is the one thing I have to try and get right, especially as my own parents got it so wrong (if only they had read anything by Steve Peters).
July 29, 2024
The first two sections / 65 pages are useful to anyone to read (if you haven’t read the chimp paradox).
The remainder is focused on children’s behaviours and parenting. Although it can help you understand yourself and own behaviours the focus is on developing a child and their behaviour.
This wasn’t applicable to me.
Only worth reading if you have or work with children, such as a teaching assistant, and are really willing to engage, makes notes and try to put some of the recommendations into practice.
The remainder is focused on children’s behaviours and parenting. Although it can help you understand yourself and own behaviours the focus is on developing a child and their behaviour.
This wasn’t applicable to me.
Only worth reading if you have or work with children, such as a teaching assistant, and are really willing to engage, makes notes and try to put some of the recommendations into practice.
January 19, 2021
A great follow up to 'The Chimp Paradox'. I really appreciated more this time how much Dr Peters simplifies his vast array of knowledge, as I'm sure this makes it far more accessible to more people. Whilst the concepts were nothing new, I still enjoyed hearing from him about the latest research in neuroscience, and small things I might have missed before. Great book if you're a parent looking for advice on how to teach your children some of his concepts, and how to apply it in day to day life
July 28, 2023
I had previously read 'The Chimp Paradox' and through that book understood more about my thoughts and reactions to specific scenarios. I have since benefited from the advice.
I wish I had the option of reading 'The Silent Guides', years ago. I would then have understood my childs and grandchild's actions and reaction more.
With an open mind it is an easy book to read and give most parents and carers a clearer insight into how children and young adults think.
I wish I had the option of reading 'The Silent Guides', years ago. I would then have understood my childs and grandchild's actions and reaction more.
With an open mind it is an easy book to read and give most parents and carers a clearer insight into how children and young adults think.
March 31, 2024
I thought this was brilliant. I have just completed an ELSA course and the way this book specifically targets children is so helpful and exactly what I needed. I’m reading it alongside ‘The chimp paradox’ and will definitely dip in and out again. Super helpful as a parent and a school support worker. I can’t recommend it enough.
April 22, 2019
I still struggle with this concept, I read SP’s previous book & felt like everybody else was raving about it but me. I decided to give it a second go by reading this book, it still doesn’t resonate with me I’m afraid.
June 20, 2020
It’s odd to rate this book considering it’s contents.
I think this book has some very helpful information especially if you are a parent though if you are reading this to help get a better understanding of yourself and others this does help put things into perspective
I think this book has some very helpful information especially if you are a parent though if you are reading this to help get a better understanding of yourself and others this does help put things into perspective
August 4, 2021
Honestly shocked at the low rating on goodreads. Best parenting book I’ve ever read, haven’t raised my voice once to my child after reading this. Allowed me to empathise so much more than before. Thank you.
September 14, 2021
Highly recommend for parents with toddlers.
This provides some useful ideas and inspiration for dealing with both little ones but also in your day to day interactions with others.
I will certainly take a lot away from this book and hopefully apply it to how I react to situations!
This provides some useful ideas and inspiration for dealing with both little ones but also in your day to day interactions with others.
I will certainly take a lot away from this book and hopefully apply it to how I react to situations!
February 20, 2022
All about why these 10 habits are important to teach to kids:
1. Smiling
2. Saying Sorry
3. Being Kind to Others
4. Talking About Your Feelings
5. Asking for Help
6. Showing Good Manners
7. Trying New Things
8. Accepting that 'No' Means 'No'
9. Learning to Share
10. Doing What You Have to Do
1. Smiling
2. Saying Sorry
3. Being Kind to Others
4. Talking About Your Feelings
5. Asking for Help
6. Showing Good Manners
7. Trying New Things
8. Accepting that 'No' Means 'No'
9. Learning to Share
10. Doing What You Have to Do
December 19, 2022
A follow up to the Chimp Paradox and bought to help bolster boys self-esteem inter alia behaviours.
One to go onto the re-read list. A useful guide to moving from unhelpful attitudes and behaviors to their useful counterparts. Equally applicable to adults...;-)
One to go onto the re-read list. A useful guide to moving from unhelpful attitudes and behaviors to their useful counterparts. Equally applicable to adults...;-)
June 16, 2025
Was alright, a tad insightful in general but i didnt realise it was aimed mainly at parents which i dont have a child so - it was alright
Reading the back of the book I wouldnt have thought it would be predominantly aimed at parents oh welll
Reading the back of the book I wouldnt have thought it would be predominantly aimed at parents oh welll
October 9, 2025
A confusing book about psychological development. I'm not sure who it's aimed at. It seems like it's for parents, but it's too gobbledygooky. It's too simplistic for anyone with knowledge of sports psychology.
April 30, 2019
OK but really aimed at kids, no so much me.
December 27, 2019
Kanske bäst för föräldrar.
March 30, 2020
This book isn’t what I though it would be
June 4, 2020
An excellent and practical follow up to the Chimp Paradox … and almost as good.
I think it is worth reading the Chimp Paradox first.
I think it is worth reading the Chimp Paradox first.
June 5, 2020
Useful for parents and teachers but useless for anyone looking for an expansion of the Chimp Paradox.
September 4, 2020
A good book well explained. I think it would be more helpful to people with children or who work with them rather than being aimed at an adult self help book.
January 1, 2021
Perfect to return to as a reminder of what I need to be to help children to grow well, at home and at school ;)
January 28, 2021
Blends theory and practice nicely. Very useful to parents.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 64 reviews