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The View From Who I Was
On a cold Colorado night, Oona Antunes leaves Crystal High's Winter Formal, walks deep into the woods, and lies down in the snow to die. She awakens in the hospital, suffering the effects of frostbite and hypothermia. But her physical injuries aren't nearly as painful as the wound she can't name, the one she feels cutting deep into the core of who she is.
While recovering from her suicide attempt, Oona discovers that the roots of her problems go beyond herself. To fully understand what happened that night in the woods, she must confront not only her own pain but the hidden past that's suffocating someone she loves.
The View From Who I Was is a story of the damage that can be passed down through the generations, and the healing that can arise from tragedy.
While recovering from her suicide attempt, Oona discovers that the roots of her problems go beyond herself. To fully understand what happened that night in the woods, she must confront not only her own pain but the hidden past that's suffocating someone she loves.
The View From Who I Was is a story of the damage that can be passed down through the generations, and the healing that can arise from tragedy.
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First published January 8, 2015
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About the author
Heather Mateus Sappenfield
4 books110 followersHeather Mateus Sappenfield's writing, whether fiction or nonfiction, explores the adventures that fill life, often in the Rocky Mountain landscape that has been her lifelong home. She's fascinated by the many selves each of us becomes in our varied roles throughout the day (some we like, some we do not), and her writing often delves into the interior adventure of juggling those multiple selves. She believes that taking chances daily—whether internal or external, mild or extreme—are what makes us grow and feel alive. Her own exploits have included 24-hour mountain bike racing; backcountry ski touring; competing in the Mountain Bike World Championships; ski instructing for Vail Resorts; being a wife and mom; and winning bicycling’s Race Across America—San Diego, California to Atlantic City, New Jersey—as part of a four-woman relay team.
Heather's most grueling adventures, though, come in the writing of stories. Her work has been reviewed as “…finely observed...painstakingly crafted...Every element has been fitted in a way that rewards even an unpracticed eye turned to the hidden stitchery of fiction.” Her writing recognitions include the Danahy Fiction Prize, the Arthur Edelstein Prize, the V Press LC Book Compilation Prize, six Pushcart Prize nominations, a Reading the West Award nomination, a Ben Franklin Awards silver medal, an AudioFile Magazine Earphones Award, and finalist for the Flannery O’Connor Award, the Kraken Prize, and the Colorado Book Awards.
Heather lives in a tiny log home in Vail, Colorado. She’s taught narrative workshops at Colorado Mountain College, Western Colorado University and Pacific University, where she earned her MFA. She also writes the blog TREAD & EDGE. When she’s not writing, you'll probably find her teaching yoga, pedaling her mountain bike, or ski touring in the backcountry.
Heather's most grueling adventures, though, come in the writing of stories. Her work has been reviewed as “…finely observed...painstakingly crafted...Every element has been fitted in a way that rewards even an unpracticed eye turned to the hidden stitchery of fiction.” Her writing recognitions include the Danahy Fiction Prize, the Arthur Edelstein Prize, the V Press LC Book Compilation Prize, six Pushcart Prize nominations, a Reading the West Award nomination, a Ben Franklin Awards silver medal, an AudioFile Magazine Earphones Award, and finalist for the Flannery O’Connor Award, the Kraken Prize, and the Colorado Book Awards.
Heather lives in a tiny log home in Vail, Colorado. She’s taught narrative workshops at Colorado Mountain College, Western Colorado University and Pacific University, where she earned her MFA. She also writes the blog TREAD & EDGE. When she’s not writing, you'll probably find her teaching yoga, pedaling her mountain bike, or ski touring in the backcountry.
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
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May 2, 20233.75 of 5.
There are many things to like about this novel, and I’ll start with the writing. From the end notes in this book, I know Sappenfield was a teacher who decided to leave the field to get her MFA. In many ways, the author’s MFA work shows, in both good and bad ways. The writing is fluid and pretty, with some wonderful language choices.
And it’s the language that kept me moving forward in this book, along with a fantastic characterization of the protagonist, Oona Antunes. Oona comes from a rich family, initially quite cold and stand-off-ish–a white society mother, interested in appearances, and a distant, workaholic Portuguese father. Oona’s family situation makes her deeply unhappy and hopeless, which–we’re led to believe–drives her to suicide. The reader finds out a lot about who Oona is and who she used to be through her relationships with Gabe, her less well off, Latino-American boyfriend; Ash, her white best friend (also wealthy, with a mother much like Oona’s); and Sugeidi, her family’s Mexican (immigrant) maid.
One would think, based on the cast list and the fact that Oona spends a week at the Native American school referenced in the book description (plus some racial tensions that happen at Oona’s high school), race and/or culture plays a critical role in the plot. Much seems to be made of ethnicities. It’s all done in a very pointed, self conscious manner. If anything, it’s a very minor subplot that doesn’t have much, if any, bearing on the primary plot–Oona’s suicide, how her family relationships contributed to that suicide, and how her suicide influences her family. As such, I was left waiting for that loose end to be tied together in some way.
I also assumed from the book description that there would be paranormal elements in the novel–Oona’s disembodied spirit splitting off from her physical body and the witches, talking rocks, and minor deities at the Native American school. In truth, Oona spends only a very short period of time at the Native American school, and the witches, etc. are presented in a symbolic way, rather than a “they’re real” kind of a way. And Oona’s spirit presents a problem with the book’s readability. As I mentioned above, I quite enjoyed the language play in the novel; however, Oona’s spirit is the narrator. She refers to herself and Oona’s physical self (which Oona’s spirit refers to as “Corpse,” hilariously enough) as “we” and “us,” so in a way this is told in first person plural. A bold choice, certainly, but also quite confusing to read at times.
As I said, there are reasons to enjoy this novel. I do think it’s an acquired taste–if you’re someone who loves character-driven novels, you might really love The View From Who I Was. There’s a great darkness at the heart of the novel that makes it a good choice for someone who enjoys bleak, psychologically complex writing. For me, I never felt a strong connection to Oona, nor was I strongly moved by her plight . . . possibly because it felt like an anti-suicide PSA. Oona was so cognizant of what her suicide attempt had done to her parents, to her boyfriend, etc, immediately after she woke up. She was guilt-ridden about it, yet her recovery was self-directed. She never saw a therapist or truly came to terms with herself, which seemed odd to me and decreased my enjoyment somewhat.
There are many things to like about this novel, and I’ll start with the writing. From the end notes in this book, I know Sappenfield was a teacher who decided to leave the field to get her MFA. In many ways, the author’s MFA work shows, in both good and bad ways. The writing is fluid and pretty, with some wonderful language choices.
And it’s the language that kept me moving forward in this book, along with a fantastic characterization of the protagonist, Oona Antunes. Oona comes from a rich family, initially quite cold and stand-off-ish–a white society mother, interested in appearances, and a distant, workaholic Portuguese father. Oona’s family situation makes her deeply unhappy and hopeless, which–we’re led to believe–drives her to suicide. The reader finds out a lot about who Oona is and who she used to be through her relationships with Gabe, her less well off, Latino-American boyfriend; Ash, her white best friend (also wealthy, with a mother much like Oona’s); and Sugeidi, her family’s Mexican (immigrant) maid.
One would think, based on the cast list and the fact that Oona spends a week at the Native American school referenced in the book description (plus some racial tensions that happen at Oona’s high school), race and/or culture plays a critical role in the plot. Much seems to be made of ethnicities. It’s all done in a very pointed, self conscious manner. If anything, it’s a very minor subplot that doesn’t have much, if any, bearing on the primary plot–Oona’s suicide, how her family relationships contributed to that suicide, and how her suicide influences her family. As such, I was left waiting for that loose end to be tied together in some way.
I also assumed from the book description that there would be paranormal elements in the novel–Oona’s disembodied spirit splitting off from her physical body and the witches, talking rocks, and minor deities at the Native American school. In truth, Oona spends only a very short period of time at the Native American school, and the witches, etc. are presented in a symbolic way, rather than a “they’re real” kind of a way. And Oona’s spirit presents a problem with the book’s readability. As I mentioned above, I quite enjoyed the language play in the novel; however, Oona’s spirit is the narrator. She refers to herself and Oona’s physical self (which Oona’s spirit refers to as “Corpse,” hilariously enough) as “we” and “us,” so in a way this is told in first person plural. A bold choice, certainly, but also quite confusing to read at times.
As I said, there are reasons to enjoy this novel. I do think it’s an acquired taste–if you’re someone who loves character-driven novels, you might really love The View From Who I Was. There’s a great darkness at the heart of the novel that makes it a good choice for someone who enjoys bleak, psychologically complex writing. For me, I never felt a strong connection to Oona, nor was I strongly moved by her plight . . . possibly because it felt like an anti-suicide PSA. Oona was so cognizant of what her suicide attempt had done to her parents, to her boyfriend, etc, immediately after she woke up. She was guilt-ridden about it, yet her recovery was self-directed. She never saw a therapist or truly came to terms with herself, which seemed odd to me and decreased my enjoyment somewhat.
February 1, 2015
Heather Sappenfield's first novel, The View From Who I Was, is a beautiful, literary read with an ultimately hopeful message for teenagers struggling with family issues, social pressures, and finding their place in the world. The author develops the story, her characters, and the settings fully and richly, taking Oona Antunes, our protagonist, (and us) from a fictional Colorado ski resort town to an American Indian school in Utah and finally to Portugal as she tries to put her life together after a failed suicide attempt.
I was impressed right off the bat with Sappenfield's handling of Oona's misery in the first chapter. The split of her character into two because she just couldn't handle the pain in her life any longer was, to me, innovative and very thought-provoking. Many of us have experienced that mean, self-loathing person inside of us, but for Oona, life get's so bad something has to break; that critical, protective part of her splits from her loving, vulnerable self to coldly witness her own demise. I responded well to this concept and enjoyed that is was the hard, protective Oona who tells the story, worrying about her own place in the life of the suicide-surviving Oona who must go on and figure out how to try to thrive.
I also appreciated Sappenfield's use of Oona's journal, water, and the properties of water, to bring us further into Oona's character. Oona has a way with science and keeps a journal in which she records, among many other things, scientists' quotes that are meaningful to her. Each chapter opens with something from her journal. Often they are quotes about water. I found these tidbits fascinating even as stand-alone pieces of information, but mostly because they were a seamless way of adding depth to Oona. They also tempted me to anticipate what might happen in the coming chapter.
I found hope in Oona's growth and active work on her own life as the book progresses. And I found beauty in Sappenfield's very literary writing style. I often paused to read over a sentence because the structure and word choices were deliberate. This did not interfere with the flow or my enjoyment of the story. On the contrary, it added to the depth of the read.
This is a book I enjoyed savoring and contemplating while I was reading the first two parts, and then loved for its page turning climax in part three. It's a book I'm still thinking about as my mind wanders a few weeks later. All in all, a lovely, uplifting read that I would recommend for teenagers and adults alike. I'm looking forward to a second book from this author!
I was impressed right off the bat with Sappenfield's handling of Oona's misery in the first chapter. The split of her character into two because she just couldn't handle the pain in her life any longer was, to me, innovative and very thought-provoking. Many of us have experienced that mean, self-loathing person inside of us, but for Oona, life get's so bad something has to break; that critical, protective part of her splits from her loving, vulnerable self to coldly witness her own demise. I responded well to this concept and enjoyed that is was the hard, protective Oona who tells the story, worrying about her own place in the life of the suicide-surviving Oona who must go on and figure out how to try to thrive.
I also appreciated Sappenfield's use of Oona's journal, water, and the properties of water, to bring us further into Oona's character. Oona has a way with science and keeps a journal in which she records, among many other things, scientists' quotes that are meaningful to her. Each chapter opens with something from her journal. Often they are quotes about water. I found these tidbits fascinating even as stand-alone pieces of information, but mostly because they were a seamless way of adding depth to Oona. They also tempted me to anticipate what might happen in the coming chapter.
I found hope in Oona's growth and active work on her own life as the book progresses. And I found beauty in Sappenfield's very literary writing style. I often paused to read over a sentence because the structure and word choices were deliberate. This did not interfere with the flow or my enjoyment of the story. On the contrary, it added to the depth of the read.
This is a book I enjoyed savoring and contemplating while I was reading the first two parts, and then loved for its page turning climax in part three. It's a book I'm still thinking about as my mind wanders a few weeks later. All in all, a lovely, uplifting read that I would recommend for teenagers and adults alike. I'm looking forward to a second book from this author!
October 5, 2020
I recieved a free copy of this book from the author.
This was my first experience with an audiobook and I just realised that it isn't really for me. It just isn't as personal and doesn't have the same profound effect. This story though, was a really interesting one. It has all the elements you need, a girl weirdly obsessed with water, a guy who talks to a rock and a bit of drama too. Its perfect blend of crazy and funny and sad. The ending isn't quite what you hope for but, sometimes life has other plans and only later do you realize that it all did work out for the best. What I absolutely loved was how the author made me see the story from different angles so that I could completely understand what everyone was thinking. I'll bet that took quite a bit of effort but it turned out beautiful. A word of warning though, you'll never see water the same way again. ;)
This was my first experience with an audiobook and I just realised that it isn't really for me. It just isn't as personal and doesn't have the same profound effect. This story though, was a really interesting one. It has all the elements you need, a girl weirdly obsessed with water, a guy who talks to a rock and a bit of drama too. Its perfect blend of crazy and funny and sad. The ending isn't quite what you hope for but, sometimes life has other plans and only later do you realize that it all did work out for the best. What I absolutely loved was how the author made me see the story from different angles so that I could completely understand what everyone was thinking. I'll bet that took quite a bit of effort but it turned out beautiful. A word of warning though, you'll never see water the same way again. ;)
April 1, 2020
I was excited to read this book because the author and I share the same county. I could relate and understand the area and surroundings.
I liked the concept of the main character being split in two, it’s a feeling I have often. The feeling of being on autopilot as you watch your life go by. At first, the story was hard to get into and follow, but by chapter 3, it was easy to follow and I liked reading about the girls life changed after the Suicide attempt. I even liked when she went with her counselor on a trip that helped her start to heal and find herself.
However, I feel like the story could have gone into more depth about the Native American school and stuck with that. The fact that the best friend who was mad at her for her Suicide attempt and wasn’t friends with her ended up taking her own life seemed a little over dramatic.
Then, trying to save her family for falling apart. I get that, I can relate to that, I’ve done that. However, the fact that she ended up being apart of her dad’s Suicide attempt also seemed a little over dramatic. I didn’t understand.
Overall, enjoyable read in the beginning. However, after she returned from the Native American school, it was difficult to keep motivated to keep reading. It could have ended differently and held a little more meaning. The ending part I did like was how her mother decided to reclaim her life. It’s never to late to start over.
I don’t even know if my review is correct or makes sense, but it was an interesting story. One I would have told differently.
I liked the concept of the main character being split in two, it’s a feeling I have often. The feeling of being on autopilot as you watch your life go by. At first, the story was hard to get into and follow, but by chapter 3, it was easy to follow and I liked reading about the girls life changed after the Suicide attempt. I even liked when she went with her counselor on a trip that helped her start to heal and find herself.
However, I feel like the story could have gone into more depth about the Native American school and stuck with that. The fact that the best friend who was mad at her for her Suicide attempt and wasn’t friends with her ended up taking her own life seemed a little over dramatic.
Then, trying to save her family for falling apart. I get that, I can relate to that, I’ve done that. However, the fact that she ended up being apart of her dad’s Suicide attempt also seemed a little over dramatic. I didn’t understand.
Overall, enjoyable read in the beginning. However, after she returned from the Native American school, it was difficult to keep motivated to keep reading. It could have ended differently and held a little more meaning. The ending part I did like was how her mother decided to reclaim her life. It’s never to late to start over.
I don’t even know if my review is correct or makes sense, but it was an interesting story. One I would have told differently.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 13, 2016
Wow okay so this book was really messed up. I would have to say my favorite thing about this book was the way it was narrated. It was a almost brand new narration in between first person and third person. The main character who's name Oona was also the narrator but did not consider herself to be. She made herself into two different characters, one being Oona and another being Corpse. It was just an intriguing the way Corpse described herself, like she was a completely different person. Being honest though, I did get kind of confused and things did seem a little bit unclear through the book.
My favorite part of the reading was when Oona went to a native school after her suicide attempt. She made a good friend and I was kind of confused about her character but she seemed nice. The thing that was really messed up was the situation with her dad. It was a huge mystery because I could not understand what the heck was wrong with her father. I think I got the fact that he killed his family and tried to kill Oona too, but I just don't understand why. Maybe it was not that he wanted to kill her but I think it was that he wanted to kill himself. Maybe he was ashamed of Oona and blamed himself for her trying to kill herself. Whatever it was in still pretty sure her dad was mental and had lots of problems in his head. It was a strange book, that was really out of my genre but I'm glad I switched things up and decided to read it.
My favorite part of the reading was when Oona went to a native school after her suicide attempt. She made a good friend and I was kind of confused about her character but she seemed nice. The thing that was really messed up was the situation with her dad. It was a huge mystery because I could not understand what the heck was wrong with her father. I think I got the fact that he killed his family and tried to kill Oona too, but I just don't understand why. Maybe it was not that he wanted to kill her but I think it was that he wanted to kill himself. Maybe he was ashamed of Oona and blamed himself for her trying to kill herself. Whatever it was in still pretty sure her dad was mental and had lots of problems in his head. It was a strange book, that was really out of my genre but I'm glad I switched things up and decided to read it.
October 7, 2014
Oona Antunes hated her mom demanding life be perfect, and missed the father who was always away on business. Fascinated with water, as it reflected her own disappearing and despairing life, she kept a journal detailing water facts. Read the rest of the review on my blog "You Decide: Should I read it or not?": http://shouldireaditornot.wordpress.c...
November 7, 2016
Heather Sappenfield has a way of shining a very different light on the most traumatic but reality based experiences of teens. You care about her characters and more importantly you care about what happens to them as they navigate their world. I'm looking forward to her next book.
July 10, 2018
it’s ok but really slow at times. the way the main character is two people but still the same person is hard to understand at first. an ok story and everything in it is important to the story even the slow parts but it was a good read. not a quick read though.
February 19, 2015
Good book! Unexpected ending! Slow at times but easy enough to get through.
July 26, 2017
I loved the writing.
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May 13, 2015Oona's view of life and how she thinks of her own emotions in relation to her physical body is thought provoking, as is her take on the reaction of her family and friends to her suicide attempt.
June 8, 2015
A beautifully written and thought provoking read! I thoroughly enjoyed.
February 26, 2016
i think this book was really slow at first but it got better in the end i would recommend it
August 25, 2016
I actually liked the audio book! It was my first and I listened to when I drove and I loved it!
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October 19, 2016Very good audio, I would recommend it!
April 8, 2019
Depressing, interesting, uplifting in the end. Good if dealing with a suicidal teen.
March 12, 2022
Wildly depressing. Shouldn't have read when I was in middle school. Think frostbite and depression, girls who need help and boys obsessed with helping them.
"Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view."
"Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view."
April 6, 2015
Red flag - triggers - suicide (another book in where the main character attempts suicide and survives - sends a dangerous message to kids, I think as well as suggests that patient, heal thyself philosophy) - as well as pretty explicit sex (dry humping scenes). The "we" Oona and her spirit have separated, tripped me up a few times until I became familiar with the narration. Parents are again caricatures, but mom, at least changes.
Beautiful descriptions of setting. Still unclear to me why Oona wants to end her life. The story felt like it found its center at Indian Reservation.
Beautiful descriptions of setting. Still unclear to me why Oona wants to end her life. The story felt like it found its center at Indian Reservation.
April 16, 2015
Hard to be objective when reading a book written by one of my MFA buddies! But Heather Sappenfield has created a unique voice and perspective in this unflinching YA novel. Oona Antunes, scarred by a suicide attempt, must heal herself and those around her. Sappenfield succeeds in showing the devestation suffered by family, friends, and community when a young person finds life unbearable. Despite the serious subject, the overall tone is positive and optimistic -- sometimes, even, humorous.
September 26, 2014
A colleague, Trish, wrote to ask me if I'd seen Heather Sappenfield's The View From Who I Was. She said it is set at a place called American Indian Preparatory School, modeled on the Native American Preparatory School. Trish didn't know it, but that school means a lot to Native people.
NAPS was, and is, a special place to us. Located near Santa Fe (remember--I'm from Nambe Pueblo, which is near Santa Fe), it was designed to provide gifted Native high school students with a culturally supportive education from which they would go on to college. I know people who worked there, and I know students who went there, too. I started reading, making notes as I went.
Far too often, Native people--or some semblance of Native people--are used by people who care only for their romantic notions of who we are. Mascots, of course, are one example.
In the Acknowledgements, Sappenfield says she went to NAPS twice. Those visits weren't enough to give her a meaningful or grounded respect of who we are... In The View From Who I Was, there are a lot of romantic notions that ultimately serve as the turning point in the protagonist's life.
Stereotypes and misrepresentation make this a deeply flawed book.
NAPS, and the people there, were used as a device to help the protagonist. I've gone through the book, noting problems as I read. The full set of notes is at my site:
http://americanindiansinchildrenslite...
NAPS was, and is, a special place to us. Located near Santa Fe (remember--I'm from Nambe Pueblo, which is near Santa Fe), it was designed to provide gifted Native high school students with a culturally supportive education from which they would go on to college. I know people who worked there, and I know students who went there, too. I started reading, making notes as I went.
Far too often, Native people--or some semblance of Native people--are used by people who care only for their romantic notions of who we are. Mascots, of course, are one example.
In the Acknowledgements, Sappenfield says she went to NAPS twice. Those visits weren't enough to give her a meaningful or grounded respect of who we are... In The View From Who I Was, there are a lot of romantic notions that ultimately serve as the turning point in the protagonist's life.
Stereotypes and misrepresentation make this a deeply flawed book.
NAPS, and the people there, were used as a device to help the protagonist. I've gone through the book, noting problems as I read. The full set of notes is at my site:
http://americanindiansinchildrenslite...
June 16, 2015
this book was just so slow moving and confusing... I really tried to like it but I just couldn't.
December 18, 2015
Lots and lots of stuff going on here. Maybe too much. So many suicides, so much need for therapy.
January 21, 2024
This book had my heart go through such highs and lows as the story unfolded. It is beautifully written, and has so much depth that I could read it again and come away with even more to reflect on.
Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews