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Lean Out: A Meditation on the Madness of Modern Life
INSTANT NATIONAL BESTSELLER
"Travel to the land of Couldn't Be More Timely."--Margaret Atwood on Lean Out, in the West End Phoenix
"What begins as one woman's critique of our culture of overwork and productivity ultimately becomes an investigation into our most urgent vast inequality, loneliness, economic precarity, and isolation from the natural world. Henley punctures the myths of the meritocracy in a way few writers have. This is an essential book for our time." --Mandy Len Catron, author of How to Fall in Love with Anyone
A deeply personal and informed reflection on the modern world--and why so many feel disillusioned by it.
In 2016, journalist Tara Henley was at the top of her game working in Canadian media. She had traveled the world, from Soweto to Bangkok and Borneo to Brooklyn, interviewing authors and community leaders, politicians and Hollywood celebrities. But when she started getting chest pains at her desk in the newsroom, none of that seemed to matter.
The health crisis--not cardiac, it turned out, but anxiety--forced her to step off the media treadmill and examine her life and the stressful twenty-first century world around her. Henley was not alone; North America was facing an epidemic of lifestyle-related health problems. And yet, the culture was continually celebrating the elite few who thrived in the always-on work world, those who perpetually leaned in. Henley realized that if we wanted innovative solutions to the wave of burnout and stress-related illness, it was time to talk to those who had leaned out.
Part memoir, part travelogue, and part investigation, Lean Out tracks Henley's journey from the heart of the connected city to the fringe communities that surround it. From early retirement enthusiasts in urban British Columbia to moneyless men in rural Ireland, Henley uncovers a parallel track in which everyday citizens are quietly dropping out of the mainstream and reclaiming their lives from overwork. Underlying these disparate movements is a rejection of consumerism, a growing appetite for social contribution, and a quest for meaningful connection in this era of extreme isolation and loneliness.
As she connects the dots between anxiety and overwork, Henley confronts the biggest issues of our time.
"Travel to the land of Couldn't Be More Timely."--Margaret Atwood on Lean Out, in the West End Phoenix
"What begins as one woman's critique of our culture of overwork and productivity ultimately becomes an investigation into our most urgent vast inequality, loneliness, economic precarity, and isolation from the natural world. Henley punctures the myths of the meritocracy in a way few writers have. This is an essential book for our time." --Mandy Len Catron, author of How to Fall in Love with Anyone
A deeply personal and informed reflection on the modern world--and why so many feel disillusioned by it.
In 2016, journalist Tara Henley was at the top of her game working in Canadian media. She had traveled the world, from Soweto to Bangkok and Borneo to Brooklyn, interviewing authors and community leaders, politicians and Hollywood celebrities. But when she started getting chest pains at her desk in the newsroom, none of that seemed to matter.
The health crisis--not cardiac, it turned out, but anxiety--forced her to step off the media treadmill and examine her life and the stressful twenty-first century world around her. Henley was not alone; North America was facing an epidemic of lifestyle-related health problems. And yet, the culture was continually celebrating the elite few who thrived in the always-on work world, those who perpetually leaned in. Henley realized that if we wanted innovative solutions to the wave of burnout and stress-related illness, it was time to talk to those who had leaned out.
Part memoir, part travelogue, and part investigation, Lean Out tracks Henley's journey from the heart of the connected city to the fringe communities that surround it. From early retirement enthusiasts in urban British Columbia to moneyless men in rural Ireland, Henley uncovers a parallel track in which everyday citizens are quietly dropping out of the mainstream and reclaiming their lives from overwork. Underlying these disparate movements is a rejection of consumerism, a growing appetite for social contribution, and a quest for meaningful connection in this era of extreme isolation and loneliness.
As she connects the dots between anxiety and overwork, Henley confronts the biggest issues of our time.
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Published March 24, 2020
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 87 reviews
April 17, 2020
I won an ARC of this book from Appetite Random House, so I read an uncorrected proof, different from the final copy. Therefore, my experience with this book will likely be different than others. I’m partial to a memoir and I think it is brave when people let you into your life like that. While from the summary on the back of the book, one might expect that it would be very prescriptive in its recommendations, but it’s definitely heavier on the meditation side. Tara Henley instead really takes the reader on her journey through our workaholic society and the learnings she had along the way, making this a personal story rather than a typical self-help book. Ultimately, I found the book to be engaging, but some of her points weren’t really explicated, making the “ahah” moment fall flat. Also, I feel like Henley’s work could’ve really benefited from more nuanced connections to power and privilege, and her discussions about “Chinese buyers” came off as very xenophobic. As well, considering this book is set from a Canadian context and perspective, I was surprised that there was no conversation about the systems of colonialism, particularly when it comes to the housing crisis and what it means to be living on unceded territories.
Really, I would give this book more of a 3.5. It was engaging, but missed the mark too many times for me to give it a higher rating than that. Final word - I really enjoyed the notes section! It was a sort of annotated bibliography and gave me many leads to other books that I’d be interested in reading.
Really, I would give this book more of a 3.5. It was engaging, but missed the mark too many times for me to give it a higher rating than that. Final word - I really enjoyed the notes section! It was a sort of annotated bibliography and gave me many leads to other books that I’d be interested in reading.
November 7, 2020
Interesting concept and content. Honestly I actually liked it more than I was expecting to. I identified a lot with what the author went through both to realize she needed to “lean out” and to figure out how to do it. As other reviewers have said though it felt a bit scattered overall. It was pretty obvious (as she states in an afterward) that she took some liberties with the timeline to make it read more like a memoir, but this didn’t always work. It didn’t run together chronologically and trying to make everything fit proved more confusing than cohesive. I’m finding it difficult to come up with an appropriate rating because there were some aspects I really liked, and some I did not.
This is a really new book but it almost feels dated already because of how much the pandemic influences so many of the topics she discusses – I’d be interested to hear if her perspective has changed or solidified on any of the book’s content, in light of current events.
One of the book club girls said that this was a frustrating one to listen to as an audiobook as there was too much descriptive extraneous info. As a reader it was easy to skim or speed read those sections. The writing wasn’t bad per se, just sometimes unnecessary. There were definitely chapters, or sections of chapters, that seemed more like she just wanted to include some of her most memorable interviews from her career and stretch them to fit the book’s theme.
I don’t want to sound too judgey about the author but I thought it was a bit weird that she never seemed to gain any perspective about how lucky/privileged she actually was throughout this journey – if anything by the end it seemed she concluded that she was even more of a victim (of an unequal and unjust Western society) than she first perceived. There were some incredibly tone deaf statements such as how she would continually compare herself to black American men who had been through some pretty horrifying situations, such as one who ran away from his abusive home at 13 and joined a gang, accidentally killed someone and then spent 14 years in jail, 7 of which were in solitary confinement. SEVEN years in solitary confinement! But instead of this giving her perspective, she said things like “We had so much in common, we had both suffered so much.” Sorry what? I know she was likely just trying to drive home the fact that everyone can find ways to relate to each other but… were you in LITERAL JAIL for FOURTEEN YEARS? Not to invalidate anyone’s pain or suffering. We are all absolutely entitled to our grief, our suffering, our healing. But the bad things that happened to her were sort of the “normal bad things” that most people unfortunately have to deal with at some point or another in their lives. It just seemed insulting to compare her (still very valid!) grief and pain over her parents’ divorce and a short-lived cancer scare, to a black teenager who spent seven years in solitary confinement in the racist US prison system. This is like if I were to talk about the bad things that have happened to me, such as losing my dad to a sudden heart attack, and say now I know how residential school survivors must feel. I am pretty shocked that an editor in 2019 did not catch how truly tone deaf this was.
The positives though – there were definitely some things in here that really resonated, and new perspectives that will stick with me. I’ve been engaged in various stages of leaning out for a few years now and have implemented a lot of the topics covered in the book in my own life, for the better – increasing time in nature, reducing my screen time/media consumption, cooking, active transportation, frugality, trying to get more engaged in the community, and of course pursuing a non-traditional work schedule. They have helped immensely. My mental and physical health is currently unrecognizable from what it was four years ago when I was suffering from work burnout. The sudden shift towards the end, that all of these “self improvement” things can be helpful but will never truly solve the problems we’ve created in Western society (income inequality, culture of overwork, widespread loneliness and isolation) was very interesting and probably could have been its own book, as it didn’t really wrap anything up. Maybe that was the point? That there are things we can change in our own lives to become marginally happier but we never truly will be because in the end we are all victims of our unjust society? I don’t disagree that we live in a vastly unequal society in need of major policy shifts, but I am not sure I agree with all of her specific conclusions on the topic.
Interesting thought/quote from the final chapter: "We work as if we're changing the world. But we leave the actual work of changing the world largely untouched." This seemed to be her final conclusion, but I don't think the book as a whole did a great job of supporting this as a thesis statement. Too bad, as it's a very important thought!
Would I recommend? If the topic interests you, definitely - but be warned it's not a perfect book by any stretch. I'm really looking forward to our book club discussion.
This is a really new book but it almost feels dated already because of how much the pandemic influences so many of the topics she discusses – I’d be interested to hear if her perspective has changed or solidified on any of the book’s content, in light of current events.
One of the book club girls said that this was a frustrating one to listen to as an audiobook as there was too much descriptive extraneous info. As a reader it was easy to skim or speed read those sections. The writing wasn’t bad per se, just sometimes unnecessary. There were definitely chapters, or sections of chapters, that seemed more like she just wanted to include some of her most memorable interviews from her career and stretch them to fit the book’s theme.
I don’t want to sound too judgey about the author but I thought it was a bit weird that she never seemed to gain any perspective about how lucky/privileged she actually was throughout this journey – if anything by the end it seemed she concluded that she was even more of a victim (of an unequal and unjust Western society) than she first perceived. There were some incredibly tone deaf statements such as how she would continually compare herself to black American men who had been through some pretty horrifying situations, such as one who ran away from his abusive home at 13 and joined a gang, accidentally killed someone and then spent 14 years in jail, 7 of which were in solitary confinement. SEVEN years in solitary confinement! But instead of this giving her perspective, she said things like “We had so much in common, we had both suffered so much.” Sorry what? I know she was likely just trying to drive home the fact that everyone can find ways to relate to each other but… were you in LITERAL JAIL for FOURTEEN YEARS? Not to invalidate anyone’s pain or suffering. We are all absolutely entitled to our grief, our suffering, our healing. But the bad things that happened to her were sort of the “normal bad things” that most people unfortunately have to deal with at some point or another in their lives. It just seemed insulting to compare her (still very valid!) grief and pain over her parents’ divorce and a short-lived cancer scare, to a black teenager who spent seven years in solitary confinement in the racist US prison system. This is like if I were to talk about the bad things that have happened to me, such as losing my dad to a sudden heart attack, and say now I know how residential school survivors must feel. I am pretty shocked that an editor in 2019 did not catch how truly tone deaf this was.
The positives though – there were definitely some things in here that really resonated, and new perspectives that will stick with me. I’ve been engaged in various stages of leaning out for a few years now and have implemented a lot of the topics covered in the book in my own life, for the better – increasing time in nature, reducing my screen time/media consumption, cooking, active transportation, frugality, trying to get more engaged in the community, and of course pursuing a non-traditional work schedule. They have helped immensely. My mental and physical health is currently unrecognizable from what it was four years ago when I was suffering from work burnout. The sudden shift towards the end, that all of these “self improvement” things can be helpful but will never truly solve the problems we’ve created in Western society (income inequality, culture of overwork, widespread loneliness and isolation) was very interesting and probably could have been its own book, as it didn’t really wrap anything up. Maybe that was the point? That there are things we can change in our own lives to become marginally happier but we never truly will be because in the end we are all victims of our unjust society? I don’t disagree that we live in a vastly unequal society in need of major policy shifts, but I am not sure I agree with all of her specific conclusions on the topic.
Interesting thought/quote from the final chapter: "We work as if we're changing the world. But we leave the actual work of changing the world largely untouched." This seemed to be her final conclusion, but I don't think the book as a whole did a great job of supporting this as a thesis statement. Too bad, as it's a very important thought!
Would I recommend? If the topic interests you, definitely - but be warned it's not a perfect book by any stretch. I'm really looking forward to our book club discussion.
March 30, 2020
This book felt scattered and ultimately failed to resonate with me. The author began by describing her frenetic life in Toronto. She name drops celebrities, brags about attending fancy parties and eating at high end restaurants whilst traveling the world writing about hip hop (? I’d personally never heard of her nor read any of her work). Eventually she grows tired of her jet setting lifestyle and returns to her native BC in search of work-life balance. She then realizes that real estate prices have climbed and she can not afford the west side mansion she’d apparently assumed she’d own one day. She goes on xenophobic diatribes about the impact of Chinese buyers, the rift between the haves and have nots, the loss of community, etc etc. The writing felt like the whiny navel gazing of a spoiled brat and had very little to do with the title of the book. I gave 3 stars simply for the interview with Pete Adeney (Mr. Money Moustache) and other members of the FI community. Sadly, their wisdom was wasted on the ditzy author.
August 13, 2020
Gratuitously laden with pretentious references to hipster music and food culture, self congratulatory references to world travel, superficial and obligatory nods to popular art and celebrity culture with generous helping of self praise disguised as critical insight. It is hard to believe it took a whole book to reach the sophomoric conclusion that connection is important. Save yourself the time and read the self promo piece in the Toronto Star. https://www.thestar.com/entertainment....
March 7, 2021
A book that’s one part memoir and one part call to action to fix the many things that are badly broken right now. I liked it enough to want to interview the author for my blog. You can read our interview here.
April 2, 2021
A theme is developing..
Read
June 12, 2020Listen, I don't want to disparage the criticism of modern life. I've read the back to basics paens, I've had involuntary reactions to claims that everyone needs a side hustle, I've worked 22 days in a row, I left housing-crises Vancouver. I'm just left with a feeling of so now what? I found security in a reasonable job with reasonable hours and a reasonable manager and that doesn't necessarily mean I feel like I have time for rebuilding the community I left behind. Do I get to lay on a couch for three years and recover from modern life now? Do I wait till everything explodes in 5 years?
Also - hilarious that community connections are vaunted during a global pandemic that has us all hiding at home and waving at people on video chat. It's finally spring here and children are playing outside and I'm as depressed as heck.
It's lovely to imagine that our discontent is not our individual problem alone... But what needs to change to fix it for everyone else? UBI is suggested, what about our crazy housing hotspots? What about our dependency on car culture? Our anemic transportation systems? One mayor isn't going to do more than change one city. As the youth says : "our house is on fire"
Also - hilarious that community connections are vaunted during a global pandemic that has us all hiding at home and waving at people on video chat. It's finally spring here and children are playing outside and I'm as depressed as heck.
It's lovely to imagine that our discontent is not our individual problem alone... But what needs to change to fix it for everyone else? UBI is suggested, what about our crazy housing hotspots? What about our dependency on car culture? Our anemic transportation systems? One mayor isn't going to do more than change one city. As the youth says : "our house is on fire"
July 9, 2021
I purposely tried to slow down reading this, as there’s so much to digest, and I plan to read it again (likely immediately). I can’t recommend it enough!
June 1, 2021
I enjoyed this book, although it felt very simple and surface level to me. I agree with a lot of the other reviews stating that it seemed to go on lots of tangents and have very little concrete substance. There was so much potential but I feel like the author only scraped the surface. That being said, I appreciate the overall theme of the book and got some solid other book recommendations from it! There was also a moment in the book where the author talked about the ways her and someone who had been in prison for twenty years were similar and had overcome similar barriers... and that's when she kind of lost me.
July 5, 2020
This is an excellent book about what modern society has done to us, by isolating us rather than allowing us to be part of a community which is what we are hardwired to do. The author shares her journey through overwork and illness looking for the right solution.
April 19, 2020
Lovely writing. But it felt scattered and it seemed to just go on and on.
May 11, 2020
An interesting book, part memoir, part analysis and criticism of Western society. Apt in the current crisis, although I wonder what the author would say about that.
June 13, 2020
LOVED THIS BOOK
She writes A REALLY good piece about going on a hike to the Stawamus Chief where all the other people were playing loud music and just taking photos for Instagram. She has the mentality same as me, where a hike should be IN NATURE, and you should be enjoying the outdoors with outdoor sounds and taking in the tranquility. Instead, people play music on their hikes with these crappy speakers and ruin the time for us nature lovers. Then they lift off drones that buzz around just to get "that shot for my narcissistic Instagram story". It's a great book to rethink your motivations and to slow down, breathe and focus on the now.
As someone who lived in Vancouver, she also had her eyes set on a place in Kitsilano, just like me.
She details the completely messed up housing market in Vancouver. How people are forced to buy condos MILES away from workplaces because of the prices. She outlines an issue about how so many homes in Vancouver are empty, with uncut lawns. Whereas people are going homeless amidst the issues. How no one is not solving the issue, and how this separation of people from where they work is causing loneliness and pollution with the long commutes. She details how much you need to make in order to buy a house and it's unbelievable and how the problems keep getting worse.
She also talks about her enjoyment of going on hikes, and adventures and limiting social media, especially when busy. She writes about urban city planning (Happy City author), and the issues of isolation.
Very good book, especially during these tough times! She seems like she likes rap, which I don't, but I do enjoy music, so I understand where her inspiration comes from. I really liked her writing and her views. A breath of fresh air in my recent so-so book list. I was not thinking I would enjoy this one as much as I do.
4.8/5
She writes A REALLY good piece about going on a hike to the Stawamus Chief where all the other people were playing loud music and just taking photos for Instagram. She has the mentality same as me, where a hike should be IN NATURE, and you should be enjoying the outdoors with outdoor sounds and taking in the tranquility. Instead, people play music on their hikes with these crappy speakers and ruin the time for us nature lovers. Then they lift off drones that buzz around just to get "that shot for my narcissistic Instagram story". It's a great book to rethink your motivations and to slow down, breathe and focus on the now.
As someone who lived in Vancouver, she also had her eyes set on a place in Kitsilano, just like me.
She details the completely messed up housing market in Vancouver. How people are forced to buy condos MILES away from workplaces because of the prices. She outlines an issue about how so many homes in Vancouver are empty, with uncut lawns. Whereas people are going homeless amidst the issues. How no one is not solving the issue, and how this separation of people from where they work is causing loneliness and pollution with the long commutes. She details how much you need to make in order to buy a house and it's unbelievable and how the problems keep getting worse.
She also talks about her enjoyment of going on hikes, and adventures and limiting social media, especially when busy. She writes about urban city planning (Happy City author), and the issues of isolation.
Very good book, especially during these tough times! She seems like she likes rap, which I don't, but I do enjoy music, so I understand where her inspiration comes from. I really liked her writing and her views. A breath of fresh air in my recent so-so book list. I was not thinking I would enjoy this one as much as I do.
4.8/5
August 5, 2020
One of the best books I've read all year. Cancer survivor Tara Henley looks at inequality in North American society, and the cultural, societal, mental and physical health detriments to chronic overwork. She talks about how cancer and the health (including mental) impacts she experienced as a result of workaholism led her to ask questions and explore the driving forces behind overwork. Holds even more meaning and urgency after the pandemic shutdowns/layoffs many of us have experienced this year. Asks the question what really matters to us as individuals and as a society?
August 16, 2020
I almost gave up on finishing this so many times.... It didn't resonate with me, but maybe that's just because I don't feel any need to lean out (yet?)! The writing was so scattered that it was confusing at some points. I feel like I'd enjoy it better as multiple reviews of some of the books she talks about, and would have ended up reading those instead of spending time on this book.
February 17, 2022
Learned of this book after reading the authors piece "Speaking Freely: Why I resigned from the Canadian Broadcasting Company".
This book has interesting perspectives. I didnt relate to all of it, but still interesting.
If anything it's got me into reading more of Tara Henley's work on Substack.
This book has interesting perspectives. I didnt relate to all of it, but still interesting.
If anything it's got me into reading more of Tara Henley's work on Substack.
May 28, 2020
This is a personal 5-star book for me - this book is the reason I read, to find stories that resonate with me. I'm going to have to take the time to make a more articulate review, but I could probably write a 10-page essay on why I loved this book. I listened to the audiobook really slowly, savoring each chapter as I never wanted it to end. The narration on the audiobook is wonderful to listen to. I resonate on a personal level as the author describes her time working in the hectic busy life of downtown Toronto, and I also started having chest pains due to anxiety and the hectic and business of modern life, so this was exactly the book I was looking for, the book I needed.
August 4, 2020
This book is so good. Well written and insightful.
April 27, 2020
As we all come to grips with an uncertain new normal, it’s the perfect time to reassess our overworked, stressed-out lives. And to put the phone down and read a good book. Lean Out might be just what the doctor ordered. It’s absorbing, insightful, relatable, and thought provoking.
May 6, 2020
I think that other reviewers’ frustrations about the author’s lack of recognition of her own privilege are valid, but I also really enjoyed it. She pulls together many different authors that have written about these same problems, making the book a nice summary of all their different thoughts. Her own life serves as a kind of interstitial material that allows us to follow how she got from one book to the next. Something I liked that I don’t see others commenting on was her dismantling of the self-help phenomena, which, as self-help-like as this book is, I found satisfying and reassuring. If you’re frustrated with your failures, and not quite able to figure out why the world feels like such a hellscape, I think this book could offer some relief.
July 31, 2020
Don't get fooled by "meditation" in the title: this book is not about breathing in and out and finding happiness within.
It's about all the things that make our lives hard no matter how deep we breath: housing market, financial instability, hustle porn, loneliness behind our social media profiles.
And then, after you gripe and get angry together with the author who gets you, sho knows it's fuckin ridiculous how the world turned out, you get some specific, practical ideas to try and make things better for yourself, if not to save the whole world.
It's about all the things that make our lives hard no matter how deep we breath: housing market, financial instability, hustle porn, loneliness behind our social media profiles.
And then, after you gripe and get angry together with the author who gets you, sho knows it's fuckin ridiculous how the world turned out, you get some specific, practical ideas to try and make things better for yourself, if not to save the whole world.
May 19, 2020
I don't like leaving or writing negative reviews, and I felt like this book had some good points and some beautiful descriptions, but I found myself repeatedly distracted by the authour's lack of self awareness of privilege or of situations that took giant leaps in a direction that felt a bit like self-parody.
I was disappointed because this book was recommended to me several times, but it felt like people missed those parts.
I was disappointed because this book was recommended to me several times, but it felt like people missed those parts.
June 18, 2020
This is a profoundly relevant book during the time of the COVID-19 pandemic. It should be required reading for all of us. Author Tara Henley worked as a successful music and culture journalist in Toronto before realizing that one out of two people in the city suffered from mental health issues, and she moved back to the west coast of Canada. Paired with Dr. Gabor Mate's book, "When the Body Says No", this memoir reveals the toils and trauma on our bodies and mental health when we work too hard and lead stressful lives. She also emphasizes the importance of creating a "tribe" in response to the voids that modern society creates through our disconnection through the overuse of technology and under-appreciation of nature.
At a turnaround point in the book entitled "The Void", Henley points out:
The thing about us humans is that we need each other. And not in an "I'll shoot you a text" or "Maybe let's grab coffee next week if schedules permit" kind of way. We need to be woven into the fabric of each other's daily lives. We need close, intimate, unbreakable bonds. We need to rely on each other as if our very survival depends upon it. Because it does...
We are still hardwired for connection, for interdependence. And when we don't have it, we sink into despair...
Without a tribe, we are lost. Group unity is the force that buffers against the horrors of the human condition. When we lose that, we lose everything.
I think this is why my grandmother spoke so nostalgically about the Blitz. During the eight months of those punishing air raids..., Londoners came together in remarkable ways. Bombarded night after night by bombs, people slept should to should in shelter, protected each other, shared food and water, and lifted each other's spirits. Strangers became friends. Family, even. A feeling of common cause, purpose, brotherhood pervaded society. Nobody was in it alone.
...modern society disrupts the bonds that define humanity-whereas catastrophes like the Blitz throw everyone back into a more ancient way of relating. One in which class, sex, income and race dissolve, and people are judged solely by what they are willing to sacrifice the group, the greater good. One in which people feel profoundly close to one another.
My anxiety, I could now see, was a reasonable response, both to my past and to the society I was now living in.
-Tara Henley
After recently losing my beloved parents, then facing the isolation of the pandemic, I can witness the double-whammy of grief while being forced to distance myself from others. Thankfully, I have a team of supportive friends, family and community connections who have helped me to face such trauma. Even complete strangers have shown compassion towards me as they too have shared losing a loved one. I am also thankful to have had the time to explore and appreciate the natural beauty of nature around me in the community, which in turn has linked me to other new community connections. And now, with this book, I can feel another voice is supporting me although we may never meet.
At a turnaround point in the book entitled "The Void", Henley points out:
The thing about us humans is that we need each other. And not in an "I'll shoot you a text" or "Maybe let's grab coffee next week if schedules permit" kind of way. We need to be woven into the fabric of each other's daily lives. We need close, intimate, unbreakable bonds. We need to rely on each other as if our very survival depends upon it. Because it does...
We are still hardwired for connection, for interdependence. And when we don't have it, we sink into despair...
Without a tribe, we are lost. Group unity is the force that buffers against the horrors of the human condition. When we lose that, we lose everything.
I think this is why my grandmother spoke so nostalgically about the Blitz. During the eight months of those punishing air raids..., Londoners came together in remarkable ways. Bombarded night after night by bombs, people slept should to should in shelter, protected each other, shared food and water, and lifted each other's spirits. Strangers became friends. Family, even. A feeling of common cause, purpose, brotherhood pervaded society. Nobody was in it alone.
...modern society disrupts the bonds that define humanity-whereas catastrophes like the Blitz throw everyone back into a more ancient way of relating. One in which class, sex, income and race dissolve, and people are judged solely by what they are willing to sacrifice the group, the greater good. One in which people feel profoundly close to one another.
My anxiety, I could now see, was a reasonable response, both to my past and to the society I was now living in.
-Tara Henley
After recently losing my beloved parents, then facing the isolation of the pandemic, I can witness the double-whammy of grief while being forced to distance myself from others. Thankfully, I have a team of supportive friends, family and community connections who have helped me to face such trauma. Even complete strangers have shown compassion towards me as they too have shared losing a loved one. I am also thankful to have had the time to explore and appreciate the natural beauty of nature around me in the community, which in turn has linked me to other new community connections. And now, with this book, I can feel another voice is supporting me although we may never meet.
August 16, 2020
This is an interesting hybrid of a book - a memoir wrapped up in investigative non-fiction. I find it oh so interesting that this came out when it did - just as Canada, indeed, the world - was locking down on account of COVID-19. I wonder what a post-script in the time of COVID would read like…? Timing is everything, as is serendipity…
The author blends together her own personal experience with that of others, all of it supported and documented with reference to both specific research and anecdotal reporting. She covers a lot of ground - both literally and metaphorically.
While I sometimes found the structure of the book difficult to follow - jumping back and forth in time the way it does sometimes caused confusion - and I really didn’t see her ‘big picture’ until very near the end - maybe that is part of the point? - this exploration served to both validate my own life experience and give me hope.
“When you are hyper competent - a giver of things to all people - it’s hard for others to comprehend that you are down for the count. Since everybody needed something from me, I couldn’t ask for help. So I stopped responding. What I did instead was walk” (p51)... and this: “As I put one foot in front of the other, everything in my life started to feel just a little bit better. I outwalked grief, anger, confusion. I outwalked old conceptions of myself… Heeding my craving for nature I returned to the woods again and again and again” (p 53).
Along her way she reminds us of what amount to motherhood platitudes (not that we don’t need to keep being reminded, sadly): that the world is in dire need of empathy; that we have been sold a bill of goods with respect to everyone being able to achieve upward mobility in their lives; that life is short and we need to figure out what is important to us and live that way; that the most important thing for we humans is the human connection and needing “to be woven into the fabric of each other’s lives” (p177); that we need love and kindness and caring… and gratitude (and Bonnie Henry rocks!); that there is power in storytelling - at both the personal and systemic levels; that we all need to feel validated - to be seen, heard and appreciated; and that economic inequality is the single “most pressing issue of our time” (p250).
What did she learn in her 3 years of ‘leaning out’? “We are all in this together. And if we want to save our society we’re going to have to start acting like it” (p267).
Words to live by, certainly, but altogether it was just a little too trite.
The author blends together her own personal experience with that of others, all of it supported and documented with reference to both specific research and anecdotal reporting. She covers a lot of ground - both literally and metaphorically.
While I sometimes found the structure of the book difficult to follow - jumping back and forth in time the way it does sometimes caused confusion - and I really didn’t see her ‘big picture’ until very near the end - maybe that is part of the point? - this exploration served to both validate my own life experience and give me hope.
“When you are hyper competent - a giver of things to all people - it’s hard for others to comprehend that you are down for the count. Since everybody needed something from me, I couldn’t ask for help. So I stopped responding. What I did instead was walk” (p51)... and this: “As I put one foot in front of the other, everything in my life started to feel just a little bit better. I outwalked grief, anger, confusion. I outwalked old conceptions of myself… Heeding my craving for nature I returned to the woods again and again and again” (p 53).
Along her way she reminds us of what amount to motherhood platitudes (not that we don’t need to keep being reminded, sadly): that the world is in dire need of empathy; that we have been sold a bill of goods with respect to everyone being able to achieve upward mobility in their lives; that life is short and we need to figure out what is important to us and live that way; that the most important thing for we humans is the human connection and needing “to be woven into the fabric of each other’s lives” (p177); that we need love and kindness and caring… and gratitude (and Bonnie Henry rocks!); that there is power in storytelling - at both the personal and systemic levels; that we all need to feel validated - to be seen, heard and appreciated; and that economic inequality is the single “most pressing issue of our time” (p250).
What did she learn in her 3 years of ‘leaning out’? “We are all in this together. And if we want to save our society we’re going to have to start acting like it” (p267).
Words to live by, certainly, but altogether it was just a little too trite.
June 11, 2020
I finished reading Lean Out by Tara Henley.
This is part memoir, part travel-log. In this book she manages to connect the dots between anxiety and over-work. Her work is fresh and insightful. I love her writing style. She kept me intrigued and reading on.
After years of working in Canadian media, she had to take a step back after getting heart palpitations and chest pains. Not a heart attack; they were from anxiety.
This health crisis forced her to step away from the media circus and reflect on her own life and the stresses of a fast-paced modern world. She traveled the world finding others who were finding ways to lean out of such a modern, elitist world.
Henley's book is also a response to such ideologies put out by others who deem "thriving on the always work-on world, those [who are] perpetually leaned in." That is no way to live. Life is so much more than just working. And we should not be made to feel bad if we take time out for our families and friends.
Life should be about relationships and connection to others. We fall victim to stress and live lonely lives. In this modern world, we work, so that the rich get richer and the rest... drop from exhaustion. The gap between rich and poor grows wider. Inequality grows.
I highly recommend this book. It is an eye opening experience. One I appreciate knowing about.
She starts off painting a picture of her original work state, then as she moves away from it she considers her recovery from many different aspects. Each chapter reflects that:
The Modern City
The Woods - takes her back to nature and walking and binking.
The Plate - considers food
The Pocketbook - looks at the state of housing in places like Vancouver
The Internet
The Void - the "storm demanded total surrender. Their were no individual agendas."
The Tribe - an interesting look at soldiers and the fact that they miss the 'tribe' aspect of their time in deployment.
The Home
The Commons
The Adventure
This book is written before the pandemic, but I found it very insightful. I also found an article she wrote that pertains to that: https://thriveglobal.com/stories/copi...
This is part memoir, part travel-log. In this book she manages to connect the dots between anxiety and over-work. Her work is fresh and insightful. I love her writing style. She kept me intrigued and reading on.
After years of working in Canadian media, she had to take a step back after getting heart palpitations and chest pains. Not a heart attack; they were from anxiety.
This health crisis forced her to step away from the media circus and reflect on her own life and the stresses of a fast-paced modern world. She traveled the world finding others who were finding ways to lean out of such a modern, elitist world.
Henley's book is also a response to such ideologies put out by others who deem "thriving on the always work-on world, those [who are] perpetually leaned in." That is no way to live. Life is so much more than just working. And we should not be made to feel bad if we take time out for our families and friends.
Life should be about relationships and connection to others. We fall victim to stress and live lonely lives. In this modern world, we work, so that the rich get richer and the rest... drop from exhaustion. The gap between rich and poor grows wider. Inequality grows.
I highly recommend this book. It is an eye opening experience. One I appreciate knowing about.
She starts off painting a picture of her original work state, then as she moves away from it she considers her recovery from many different aspects. Each chapter reflects that:
The Modern City
The Woods - takes her back to nature and walking and binking.
The Plate - considers food
The Pocketbook - looks at the state of housing in places like Vancouver
The Internet
The Void - the "storm demanded total surrender. Their were no individual agendas."
The Tribe - an interesting look at soldiers and the fact that they miss the 'tribe' aspect of their time in deployment.
The Home
The Commons
The Adventure
This book is written before the pandemic, but I found it very insightful. I also found an article she wrote that pertains to that: https://thriveglobal.com/stories/copi...
January 30, 2021
I think this might be the most important book I've read over the last few years.
To be honest, you have to get through a few chapters of whiny privilege to get to the good stuff -- this is written by someone who excelled at the dream trajectory of celebrity career and found it empty, so there are definitely some moments early on that were hard for me to connect to. However, the welter at the beginning effectively illustrates the struggle of modern culture and provides a useful framework as the book deepens and grows to its conclusions.
Tara Henley is an astonishingly effective journalist and writer. Her conclusions are well thought out, encompass many points of view, and ultimately create a path forward that doesn't require rejecting the entirety of modern life. What I really appreciate about this book is that she isn't just wailing about all the things that are wrong in the world -- there are a lot, we are in crisis -- instead, she explores solutions, and you can see the linear trajectory that gets her from one point to another and to her specific and actionable conclusions.
I never expected this book to end up as a treatise on income inequality and the importance of personal community connections. I never expected her personal journey to so profoundly explain to me the root of my own struggles over the last ten years. I needed this roadmap to understand what is happening in our society, and I am grateful to also understand the things we can do that will create lasting and healing change.
I wonder where she is at now, in this pandemic time. I wonder what book comes next to build upon her themes that are painfully illustrated by the global repercussions of our interrupted economies.
Advanced reader's audiobook provided by Libro.fm
To be honest, you have to get through a few chapters of whiny privilege to get to the good stuff -- this is written by someone who excelled at the dream trajectory of celebrity career and found it empty, so there are definitely some moments early on that were hard for me to connect to. However, the welter at the beginning effectively illustrates the struggle of modern culture and provides a useful framework as the book deepens and grows to its conclusions.
Tara Henley is an astonishingly effective journalist and writer. Her conclusions are well thought out, encompass many points of view, and ultimately create a path forward that doesn't require rejecting the entirety of modern life. What I really appreciate about this book is that she isn't just wailing about all the things that are wrong in the world -- there are a lot, we are in crisis -- instead, she explores solutions, and you can see the linear trajectory that gets her from one point to another and to her specific and actionable conclusions.
I never expected this book to end up as a treatise on income inequality and the importance of personal community connections. I never expected her personal journey to so profoundly explain to me the root of my own struggles over the last ten years. I needed this roadmap to understand what is happening in our society, and I am grateful to also understand the things we can do that will create lasting and healing change.
I wonder where she is at now, in this pandemic time. I wonder what book comes next to build upon her themes that are painfully illustrated by the global repercussions of our interrupted economies.
Advanced reader's audiobook provided by Libro.fm
January 29, 2022
I expected this book to be a pushback to Lean In (and the author claims that it IS, although it is not explicitly mentioned until near the end of the second last chapter) so perhaps I didn't read it in the right frame of mind. that said, this is a muddled, non-chronological memoir that is also (maybe?) a self-help book. the author shuffles thru her bland insights by chapter: be in nature, eat real food, get off the internet, watch your spending but not so much you don't enjoy your life, live in communities with like-minded individuals, maybe even communes. She has an illness that strikes her young, pops up often enough, and never seems resolved - blood in the toilet bowl should be seen to immediately.
I'll just be frank: her writing style was off-putting to me: she peppers her descriptions with (pretentious? hipster? signaling?) adjectives that make me too aware of her need to fluff up her story. From buckwheat pancakes drenched with sweet maple syrup, to showing up with vegan cupcakes, to embellishing her mom had tears rolling down her face cuz she ate crepes in Yorkville (a distant placeholder for going to Paris). she also gushes about love and connection and how that should be the center of your life. Lastly, she obviously didn't want to write a real memoir as the details of the semi-famous people she interacts with and/or interviews are kept opaque, her love life is non-existent even though men seem very willing to travel to Borneo with her and the first time her brother is mentioned (more than halfway thru the book) it is to say how important he is to her (her constant, her solace in life) - where are these people and the relationships? Listen: I get that this should be none of my business, but don't write a memoir then.
I'll just be frank: her writing style was off-putting to me: she peppers her descriptions with (pretentious? hipster? signaling?) adjectives that make me too aware of her need to fluff up her story. From buckwheat pancakes drenched with sweet maple syrup, to showing up with vegan cupcakes, to embellishing her mom had tears rolling down her face cuz she ate crepes in Yorkville (a distant placeholder for going to Paris). she also gushes about love and connection and how that should be the center of your life. Lastly, she obviously didn't want to write a real memoir as the details of the semi-famous people she interacts with and/or interviews are kept opaque, her love life is non-existent even though men seem very willing to travel to Borneo with her and the first time her brother is mentioned (more than halfway thru the book) it is to say how important he is to her (her constant, her solace in life) - where are these people and the relationships? Listen: I get that this should be none of my business, but don't write a memoir then.
November 15, 2021
4.5 🌟
This is a beautifully written book. I had the pleasure of listening to the audiobook, read by Tara herself and I'm blown away by how honest, raw, thought provoking and well researched it is.
It is the type of book that I think I could listen to over and over again and take something from each time. Tara shares so many facets of her life, particularly her struggles to balance work and her health and wellbeing. Her path is exploratory. She takes risks and shares her travels and adventures with us, the ups and downs, the revalations and uncertainties. She explores tough subjects such as loneliness and the profound potential impacts of economic inequality. She also shares personal anecdotes about her family and how she learned to cook to quell the confusion about what and how to eat, caused my modern living, while also enjoying homecooked, nourishing food.
One minor criticism I have is how the book is the organisation of the content. Tara jumps between different times in her life throughout the book, which I found somewhat confusing. However, life isn't linear, so I can imagine this was a challenging part of writing for her in light of the breadth of topics she explores.
I liked the ending, which is inspirational yet honest. The title Tara has chosen for this book is elaborated upon and Tara directly challenges the Lean In movement. Tara is a writer that I will hopefully read more from in the future and indeed may well re-read this book to try to assimilate more of Tara's wisdom.
This is a beautifully written book. I had the pleasure of listening to the audiobook, read by Tara herself and I'm blown away by how honest, raw, thought provoking and well researched it is.
It is the type of book that I think I could listen to over and over again and take something from each time. Tara shares so many facets of her life, particularly her struggles to balance work and her health and wellbeing. Her path is exploratory. She takes risks and shares her travels and adventures with us, the ups and downs, the revalations and uncertainties. She explores tough subjects such as loneliness and the profound potential impacts of economic inequality. She also shares personal anecdotes about her family and how she learned to cook to quell the confusion about what and how to eat, caused my modern living, while also enjoying homecooked, nourishing food.
One minor criticism I have is how the book is the organisation of the content. Tara jumps between different times in her life throughout the book, which I found somewhat confusing. However, life isn't linear, so I can imagine this was a challenging part of writing for her in light of the breadth of topics she explores.
I liked the ending, which is inspirational yet honest. The title Tara has chosen for this book is elaborated upon and Tara directly challenges the Lean In movement. Tara is a writer that I will hopefully read more from in the future and indeed may well re-read this book to try to assimilate more of Tara's wisdom.
November 15, 2024
As someone who has just burnt out, I decided to read this book and I'm really glad I did. It's a well written reflection on the author's personal journey with burn out and overwork which also explores:
- the myth of meritocracy in today's economy
- big cities that are becoming unaffordable for many of their inhabitants
- working as a freelance writer when writing is getting increasingly poorly paid and when many people are willing to work for 'exposure' without pay
- walking and the wilderness
- the role of socialising and having a community in being healthy
- people who've found alterative ways of living away from the rat race
"I had grown up around, and then worked around, so much wealth, I had always assumed that I would one day share in it"
"I had done everything right, had followed every one of society's rules to the letter. And I had still come up short."
You can tell that this is a book that's written by a journalist from the style of writing, and I almost wonder whether this book would have been better to publish as a series of articles instead of chapters. Either way, it has a lot of interesting content and ideas, and I would recommend it!
- the myth of meritocracy in today's economy
- big cities that are becoming unaffordable for many of their inhabitants
- working as a freelance writer when writing is getting increasingly poorly paid and when many people are willing to work for 'exposure' without pay
- walking and the wilderness
- the role of socialising and having a community in being healthy
- people who've found alterative ways of living away from the rat race
"I had grown up around, and then worked around, so much wealth, I had always assumed that I would one day share in it"
"I had done everything right, had followed every one of society's rules to the letter. And I had still come up short."
You can tell that this is a book that's written by a journalist from the style of writing, and I almost wonder whether this book would have been better to publish as a series of articles instead of chapters. Either way, it has a lot of interesting content and ideas, and I would recommend it!
June 16, 2024
Mixed feelings on this one. The subject matter is extremely poignant in the wake of the Covid 19 pandemic. “Lean Out” is not a how-to guide in the style of “Lean In”, but it does offer some excellent insights, mainly through the interviews that populate the book’s pages. Henley is at her best when she tells other peoples stories. As a memoir, I liked the book less. While Henley’s tale of burnout was certainly relatable, there were a lot of moments where she seems unaware of her privilege that I found rather unpalatable. I snorted out loud and almost put the book down on page 45 where she describes staying at a luxury wilderness resort where she is awoken by the delivery of French Press coffee to her door. She then comes out with this gem “If city stress was a sickness, I realized, wilderness was the medicine.” Though some other tone deaf anecdotes and a bit of a sense of victimhood persist, the book’s interviews offer rich insights on community, the current housing crisis, the economy etc. I will add some of Henley’s bibliography to my to-read list, I’m grateful for the introduction to some of the thinkers she cites.
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