Holding on While Letting Go: Parenting Your Child Through the Four Freedoms of Adolescence

by Carl Pickhardt

Parenting a teenager is not for the faint of heart. It is during these roller-coaster years that frustrated parents find themselves at their wits' end, barely even recognizing their offspring as they move through the teen years. Carl Pickhardt, Harvard-trained psychologist and the voice of reason behind Psychology Today's advice column, "Surviving (Your Child's) Adolescence," shares critical insights and practical tools that parents need to know along their child's rocky road toward independence and adulthood. There's a reason the road is rocky—it's supposed to be. How adept parents become at navigating the twists and turns with less handholding and hitting the brakes directly correlates to how successful their child will pass through what are four critical milestones that lead to successful adulthood and independence.

This book explains to parents how four unfolding drives for freedom sequentially and cumulatively motivate adolescent growth, as this ten to twelve year coming of age passage forever changes the child, the parent in response, and the relationship between them. The four unfolding freedoms are First is freedom from rejection of childhood, around the late elementary school years, when the girl or boy wants to stop acting and being treated as just a child anymore. Second is freedom of association with peers, around the middle school years, when the girl or boy wants to form a second family of friends. Third is freedom for older experimentation, around the high school years, when the girl or boy wants to try more grown up activities. And fourth is freedom to claim emancipation, around the college age years, when the girl or boy decides to become their own ruling authority. With each successive push for freedom, parent and adolescent both have to do less holding on to each other while doing more letting go.

Audible Audio

Published October 4, 2022

About the author

Carl Pickhardt also writes as C.E. Pickhardt.

Reviews

[Meghan K · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you Net Galley and Health Communications Inc. for allowing me to read this book ahead of its release and give an honest review.

I think this book is a good book for parents, or anyone working with kids. It gives very insightful and useful information on things that will occur in kids’ lives as they get older, before reaching adulthood.

[Ann T]

Parenting a teenager for the first time is a new arena for parents and one that is often met with angst, Holding On While Letting Go guides parents through this new field with a new way of understanding and provides tools to navigate this new terrain effectively.

Dr Pickhardt outlines the four freedoms teenagers require to mature as healthy, whole persons. Teenage years are years of change and when parents understand what this change entails and how they can assist this transition is smoother for all involved,

A really useful book to help parents. Personally I know of times I thought I was providing my teen autonomy but in her teenage mind it was seen as control. Enlightening and crucial to getting. Through the other side unscathed (well as much as possible ).

Thank you HCI and NetGalley for this ARC in Return for my honest review.