What do you think?
Rate this book
Popular Patristics Series #7
On Marriage and Family Life: Popular Patristics Series
Christian tradition often seems to give only grudging approval to married life, particularly its sexual aspect. In these sermons of St John Chrysostom, we find an important corrective to this view.
Although himself a monk, Chrysostom had a profound understanding of the needs of his congregation. Inspired by the epistles to the Corinthians and Ephesians, he discusses the reasons God instituted marriage—primarily to promote holiness of the husband and wife, and only secondarily to produce children.
Chrysostom goes on to discuss sexual relations, the mutual responsibilities of marriage, and parenting. While parts of Chrysostom's sermons may seem limited to his own time, the vast majority of his advice has timeless relevance for the Christian family.
Although himself a monk, Chrysostom had a profound understanding of the needs of his congregation. Inspired by the epistles to the Corinthians and Ephesians, he discusses the reasons God instituted marriage—primarily to promote holiness of the husband and wife, and only secondarily to produce children.
Chrysostom goes on to discuss sexual relations, the mutual responsibilities of marriage, and parenting. While parts of Chrysostom's sermons may seem limited to his own time, the vast majority of his advice has timeless relevance for the Christian family.
Audible Audio
First published January 1, 1986
155 people are currently reading
1900 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 146 reviews
March 2, 2013
My adoration for the theology of St. Augustine (354-431 A.D.) is an open secret, but even if his views of marriage and sexuality are read in context (which does not happen often enough, in my opinion), he still comes across as a bit of a pessimist on those subjects. Of course, this is the man who infamously prayed [paraphrased]: "Lord, make me chaste, but not just yet."
Unlike Augustine the philandering playboy-turned-celibate, St. John Chrysostom (347–407 A.D.) apparently did not undergo an epic struggle with continence, but was instead a monk renowned for his strict asceticism. However, his views of love, marriage, the body, and sexuality are nothing short of optimistic and uplifting, even by contemporary standards. In one sermon, John even goes so far as to rebuke his listeners for blushing and becoming uncomfortable about his frank and positive appraisal of intimacy within marriage. He tells them that their values are disordered if his preaching on the topic embarrasses them, while they are unashamed to spend exorbitant sums of money on weddings that rival pagan celebrations and devolve into drunken debauchery.
John's collected homilies on the topic of marriage and family life praise the beauty and holiness of this vocation, and offer irrefutable evidence against claims that the Fathers of the Church shared a universally dour outlook on the body and sex. It is a quick read, and worth the time of anyone interested in patristics or historical theology of marriage.
"Pray together at home and go to Church; when you come back home, let each ask the other the meaning of the readings and the prayers....If your marriage is like this, your perfection will rival the holiest of monks." (Homily 20)
Unlike Augustine the philandering playboy-turned-celibate, St. John Chrysostom (347–407 A.D.) apparently did not undergo an epic struggle with continence, but was instead a monk renowned for his strict asceticism. However, his views of love, marriage, the body, and sexuality are nothing short of optimistic and uplifting, even by contemporary standards. In one sermon, John even goes so far as to rebuke his listeners for blushing and becoming uncomfortable about his frank and positive appraisal of intimacy within marriage. He tells them that their values are disordered if his preaching on the topic embarrasses them, while they are unashamed to spend exorbitant sums of money on weddings that rival pagan celebrations and devolve into drunken debauchery.
John's collected homilies on the topic of marriage and family life praise the beauty and holiness of this vocation, and offer irrefutable evidence against claims that the Fathers of the Church shared a universally dour outlook on the body and sex. It is a quick read, and worth the time of anyone interested in patristics or historical theology of marriage.
"Pray together at home and go to Church; when you come back home, let each ask the other the meaning of the readings and the prayers....If your marriage is like this, your perfection will rival the holiest of monks." (Homily 20)
May 7, 2024
Just a quick review here for a quick book. A collection of practical and convicting sermons by Chrysostom on marriage and raising children. I must admit, the language of the translation and the material surprised me. There is nothing that dated it really except for the occasional reference to slavery. It could have very well been written or preached today! One of the best books I’ve read on marriage. It convicted me, and made me want to love Christ more, love my wife more, and love my children more. Can’t beat a book like that! Eternal value.
May 8, 2024
One of the best admonitions to Scriptural marriage, child-rearing, and masculinity that I’ve ever read. Will be returning to this many times and perhaps even giving it away.
December 19, 2021
9/10.
This is a pithy volume which contains much wisdom on how to spiritually choose a spouse and how to live with them once wedded. The importance of the family and dualistic sex roles is affirmed, which is wholly supported by historical (Zimmerman: Family and Civilization) and sociobiological (Devlin: Sexual Utopia) perspectives. One can clearly detect many similarities between the Church Fathers, including Chrysostom, and the Stoic philosophers. Both house true philosophers (lovers of wisdom), in the highest sense of teaching how to live wisely and to defeat the passions. The goal is to have the soul be king and the passions its servant, not the passions be king and the soul their servant.
The world is now filled with androgynous creatures. The men can't fend for themselves, and the women are harlots. You do not marry harlots, for the attraction of physical beauty soon gets habituated to and then you are left with a house destroyer. You must choose K-selected women, ones who look for love, leadership, and someone who can provide. These women should be pious in outward dress and inward demeanor, as well as outgoing and forward-thinking. Women should be masters in the private sphere, and men be masters in the public sphere. Dualistic roles will lead to lesser conflict and jealously, as each will feel triumphant in their deeds without quantitative comparison.
Men, select for modesty and chastity, because these are signs that you will not be cheated on. The more times a woman has had sex before marriage, the less likely she is to stay married to you (it is a linear correlation). Do not be tricked by the "reformed" girl, who says she is Chaste Woman™ after earlier sexual escapades.
Marriage rises people up to become virtuous when done properly. The unselfish love shown by spouses for each other is the training step towards having unselfish love for everyone. Pushing through tough times is an example of asceticism: delaying gratification for God. Headship and devotion within the household mirrors the headship of Christ for his Church.
Select well, for your partner will be united with you into one body. Be fruitful and multiply. Devote yourself to your family. This is the internal law of holiness, as writ by the Holy Spirit. All of it fully aligns with what is evolutionarily successful for individuals and socieites. This is not a coincidence.
This is a pithy volume which contains much wisdom on how to spiritually choose a spouse and how to live with them once wedded. The importance of the family and dualistic sex roles is affirmed, which is wholly supported by historical (Zimmerman: Family and Civilization) and sociobiological (Devlin: Sexual Utopia) perspectives. One can clearly detect many similarities between the Church Fathers, including Chrysostom, and the Stoic philosophers. Both house true philosophers (lovers of wisdom), in the highest sense of teaching how to live wisely and to defeat the passions. The goal is to have the soul be king and the passions its servant, not the passions be king and the soul their servant.
The world is now filled with androgynous creatures. The men can't fend for themselves, and the women are harlots. You do not marry harlots, for the attraction of physical beauty soon gets habituated to and then you are left with a house destroyer. You must choose K-selected women, ones who look for love, leadership, and someone who can provide. These women should be pious in outward dress and inward demeanor, as well as outgoing and forward-thinking. Women should be masters in the private sphere, and men be masters in the public sphere. Dualistic roles will lead to lesser conflict and jealously, as each will feel triumphant in their deeds without quantitative comparison.
Men, select for modesty and chastity, because these are signs that you will not be cheated on. The more times a woman has had sex before marriage, the less likely she is to stay married to you (it is a linear correlation). Do not be tricked by the "reformed" girl, who says she is Chaste Woman™ after earlier sexual escapades.
Marriage rises people up to become virtuous when done properly. The unselfish love shown by spouses for each other is the training step towards having unselfish love for everyone. Pushing through tough times is an example of asceticism: delaying gratification for God. Headship and devotion within the household mirrors the headship of Christ for his Church.
Select well, for your partner will be united with you into one body. Be fruitful and multiply. Devote yourself to your family. This is the internal law of holiness, as writ by the Holy Spirit. All of it fully aligns with what is evolutionarily successful for individuals and socieites. This is not a coincidence.
August 25, 2020
Must read for any Christian man
May 4, 2018
When one first approaches a Church Father's view on sexuality, marriage, and family life, one might expect only dreary warnings, outdated opinions, and a generally negative, Neo-Platonic view of the physical body. It seems as if every ancient Christian writer was a celibate, male monk, and therefore, as the typical preconceived notion might go, one can only expect the most generalized guidelines regarding sex and married life. Such an opinion is partially true; certainly someone like St Augustine on occasion wrote despairingly of the goodness of any sexual act, even within marriage.
Yet, John Chrysostom's homilies on the married estate praise the benefits of sex within marriage, and they honor the act of raising Christian children, and they even argue that husband and wife, when they are together in a holy union which images the union of Christ and His Church, can achieve the same kind of holiness and purity that is normally thought possible only for monks. This was pretty stunning for me; in my life I had learned that the Church had forgotten the God-pleasing benefits of marriage and raising a family until a disillusioned monk named Martin Luther started writing. It would seem that Chrysostom, 1100 years before the German professor, already had much to say on the holiness of this estate and the goodness of procreation.
Chrysostom's entire approach is positive and even joyful. He celebrates marriage in these homilies and shows, through Paul's words on sexuality in 1 Corinthians and Ephesians, that the marriage union is a great mystery whereby two become one in order to unite others - servants, neighbors, family members - to Christ Jesus. He refers to marriage as "mystery," the orthodox theological term for a sacrament, frequently.
The final chapter is an interesting re-telling of the Rebecca story from Genesis 24. Chrysostom argues that Rebecca is the ideal wife that the Bible reveals because she is modest, chaste, and hospitable. Far from giving an entirely allegorical interpretation of Rebecca and Isaac, Chrysostom comes at it from a refreshingly narrative-critical approach, with an eye to the practical lessons that God's Word teaches.
Coming from many different Lutheran and evangelical circles, I have frequently seen marriage tackled in different ways from pulpit and classroom. Typically when pastors speak of sex, they have only prohibitions to offer again and again. While the prohibitions are necessary, when they replace any positive or over-arching teaching about sex, then sex is absurdly reduced into just the "dos and don'ts," and the question before marriage is, "How much can I get away with?" when the question during marriage is, "How do I keep my marriage exciting?" What facile and shallow questions. Chrysostom approaches sex from its goodness; first of all, God has created sex to save men and women from lust and unchastity, and secondly, He has created sex to allow new life to be created - life that is human and life that is found to be in God's image. Then the family, in its gentleness, love, kindness, and dignity, acts as the icon of Christ the Bridegroom's love for His Church the Bride. Here is a robust and thoroughly sacramental view of the love between husband and wife, and it is the single best book on marriage that I have ever read.
Yet, John Chrysostom's homilies on the married estate praise the benefits of sex within marriage, and they honor the act of raising Christian children, and they even argue that husband and wife, when they are together in a holy union which images the union of Christ and His Church, can achieve the same kind of holiness and purity that is normally thought possible only for monks. This was pretty stunning for me; in my life I had learned that the Church had forgotten the God-pleasing benefits of marriage and raising a family until a disillusioned monk named Martin Luther started writing. It would seem that Chrysostom, 1100 years before the German professor, already had much to say on the holiness of this estate and the goodness of procreation.
Chrysostom's entire approach is positive and even joyful. He celebrates marriage in these homilies and shows, through Paul's words on sexuality in 1 Corinthians and Ephesians, that the marriage union is a great mystery whereby two become one in order to unite others - servants, neighbors, family members - to Christ Jesus. He refers to marriage as "mystery," the orthodox theological term for a sacrament, frequently.
The final chapter is an interesting re-telling of the Rebecca story from Genesis 24. Chrysostom argues that Rebecca is the ideal wife that the Bible reveals because she is modest, chaste, and hospitable. Far from giving an entirely allegorical interpretation of Rebecca and Isaac, Chrysostom comes at it from a refreshingly narrative-critical approach, with an eye to the practical lessons that God's Word teaches.
Coming from many different Lutheran and evangelical circles, I have frequently seen marriage tackled in different ways from pulpit and classroom. Typically when pastors speak of sex, they have only prohibitions to offer again and again. While the prohibitions are necessary, when they replace any positive or over-arching teaching about sex, then sex is absurdly reduced into just the "dos and don'ts," and the question before marriage is, "How much can I get away with?" when the question during marriage is, "How do I keep my marriage exciting?" What facile and shallow questions. Chrysostom approaches sex from its goodness; first of all, God has created sex to save men and women from lust and unchastity, and secondly, He has created sex to allow new life to be created - life that is human and life that is found to be in God's image. Then the family, in its gentleness, love, kindness, and dignity, acts as the icon of Christ the Bridegroom's love for His Church the Bride. Here is a robust and thoroughly sacramental view of the love between husband and wife, and it is the single best book on marriage that I have ever read.
August 12, 2021
Early Christian advice on how a husband should communicate with his wife:
“I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us... I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you."
“I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us... I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you."
November 5, 2023
By far my fav of the two premarital counselling books we had to read.
December 2, 2024
Considering St John Chrysostom died at the beginning of the fifth century, his writing is as useful as it is clear today. This new translation as well really creates a contemporary feel to the text and was certainly helpful and not overcomplicated.
The Church is often perceived as subjugating and constraining women, this text seeks to explain the Church's position on the relationship between husband and wife clearly showing how the two work together for the benefit of the family, and indeed society.
Whilst parts of the books feels like it's repeating points, the books is made up of homilies and different writings which sometimes overlap, however the reinforcement of the points (and the fact that St John repeats them across his works) shows how relevant and important this points are to consider.
At the beginning we read about the joining of the head (the man) and the body (the woman) neither can live without each other and both must work together in all things. He then (rather oddly) starts talking about slavery - the point he is making (I think) is that when we are joined in marriage, we become of the other person. Each is free in Christ, but dependent on one another for other needs. The only slavery we should be concerned about is slavery to sin.
"Freedom is most radiant when it shines through bondage" p.34
The book then continues about chastity and how "virginity does not simply mean sexual abstinence"p.37. How both the man and wife must be like virgins of the world, free from attachment to money and other things of the world. "Seek the things that please God, and those that please man will follow soon enough." p51
"The monk lives an untroubled life in a calm harbour, removed from every storm, while the worldly man is always sailing the ocean, battling innumerable storms" p.63 - Whilst religious life is a grace from God, those who are in the world face the battles of the world and sin more often.
He then moves on to children and the family life - How the head and the body are connected by the neck. He discusses the duties of the parents in raising the children "in such a way that they can face any trouble and not be surprised when difficulties come; let us bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."p.64
Later he writes about the temptation to infidelity, but clears this up by saying that the mans body belongs not to him but to the woman, and he must look after it for her (and vice-versa). "The husband's body is the wife's therefore he must keep her property intact". p80.
What was interesting throughout the book was the idea of 'love'. Yes love is there, but he speaks of it in the Agape sense, not eros. The reason for marriage is to be free of immorality, he says p.92. Do not seek a good looking wife who is concerned with her looks, or a rich wife who will be unhappy not having all the luxuries she is accustomed to. Look for purity of soul and virtue, for those are the things which will keep you together and bring you through the storms of life.
"For beauty does not cause immorality, not ugliness produce chastity in every case". p.97
The Church is often perceived as subjugating and constraining women, this text seeks to explain the Church's position on the relationship between husband and wife clearly showing how the two work together for the benefit of the family, and indeed society.
Whilst parts of the books feels like it's repeating points, the books is made up of homilies and different writings which sometimes overlap, however the reinforcement of the points (and the fact that St John repeats them across his works) shows how relevant and important this points are to consider.
At the beginning we read about the joining of the head (the man) and the body (the woman) neither can live without each other and both must work together in all things. He then (rather oddly) starts talking about slavery - the point he is making (I think) is that when we are joined in marriage, we become of the other person. Each is free in Christ, but dependent on one another for other needs. The only slavery we should be concerned about is slavery to sin.
"Freedom is most radiant when it shines through bondage" p.34
The book then continues about chastity and how "virginity does not simply mean sexual abstinence"p.37. How both the man and wife must be like virgins of the world, free from attachment to money and other things of the world. "Seek the things that please God, and those that please man will follow soon enough." p51
"The monk lives an untroubled life in a calm harbour, removed from every storm, while the worldly man is always sailing the ocean, battling innumerable storms" p.63 - Whilst religious life is a grace from God, those who are in the world face the battles of the world and sin more often.
He then moves on to children and the family life - How the head and the body are connected by the neck. He discusses the duties of the parents in raising the children "in such a way that they can face any trouble and not be surprised when difficulties come; let us bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."p.64
Later he writes about the temptation to infidelity, but clears this up by saying that the mans body belongs not to him but to the woman, and he must look after it for her (and vice-versa). "The husband's body is the wife's therefore he must keep her property intact". p80.
What was interesting throughout the book was the idea of 'love'. Yes love is there, but he speaks of it in the Agape sense, not eros. The reason for marriage is to be free of immorality, he says p.92. Do not seek a good looking wife who is concerned with her looks, or a rich wife who will be unhappy not having all the luxuries she is accustomed to. Look for purity of soul and virtue, for those are the things which will keep you together and bring you through the storms of life.
"For beauty does not cause immorality, not ugliness produce chastity in every case". p.97
July 30, 2024
Read this in prep for a teaching series on Marriage, Dating, and Singleness. It was helpful to see Chrysostom’s high view of marriage.
“Just as Eve came from the side of Adam, he says, so we come from the side of Christ. This is what he means when he says, ‘made from his flesh and his bones.’ We all know that Eve came from the side of Adam himself. Scripture has told this plainly, that God put Adam into a deep sleep and took one of his ribs, and fashioned the woman. But how can we show that the Church also came from the side of Christ? Scripture explains this too. When Christ was lifted up on the cross, after he had been nailed to it and had died, one of the soldiers pierced his side, and there came out blood and water. From that blood and water the whole Church has arisen… Just as the woman was fashioned while Adam slept, so also, when Christ had died, the Church was formed from his side.” (87)
“Just as Eve came from the side of Adam, he says, so we come from the side of Christ. This is what he means when he says, ‘made from his flesh and his bones.’ We all know that Eve came from the side of Adam himself. Scripture has told this plainly, that God put Adam into a deep sleep and took one of his ribs, and fashioned the woman. But how can we show that the Church also came from the side of Christ? Scripture explains this too. When Christ was lifted up on the cross, after he had been nailed to it and had died, one of the soldiers pierced his side, and there came out blood and water. From that blood and water the whole Church has arisen… Just as the woman was fashioned while Adam slept, so also, when Christ had died, the Church was formed from his side.” (87)
September 24, 2025
A classic collection of homilies on finding a spouse and navigating marriage. For John Chrysostom, the purpose of marriage is virtue, and what you should look for in a spouse is someone of character and maturity. He scours Scripture for relevant texts and examples, mostly from Paul and the patriarchs, and exhorts us to follow their lead. There’s a lot of extended reflection on Christ and the Church, or the Head and the Body imagery, in relation to marriage, which is quite good too.
St. John “Golden-Tongue” pulls no punches, and nobody gets off easy. There’s a remarkable relevance to it.
In this text, It’s obvious that—based on Scripture—he is elevating both women and slaves to a status beyond that of the ancient world to recognize an “equality of dignity.” However, with all due respect to the great Church Father, he still falls short in speaking about slavery and the capacities of women. It’s still a great resource, but that’s worth noting.
St. John “Golden-Tongue” pulls no punches, and nobody gets off easy. There’s a remarkable relevance to it.
In this text, It’s obvious that—based on Scripture—he is elevating both women and slaves to a status beyond that of the ancient world to recognize an “equality of dignity.” However, with all due respect to the great Church Father, he still falls short in speaking about slavery and the capacities of women. It’s still a great resource, but that’s worth noting.
June 1, 2024
Helpful homilies and writings. It's interesting to note the similarities and differences between his time and ours. Still strife and affairs and spoiled children. Not so many dowries where I live. Also some good scriptural exposition and a couple of interesting lines on the Trinity.
September 27, 2019
I loved these homilies on Marriage and the Family. They were great expositions on scripture pertaining to marriage. The church needs more of this kind of preaching. The sermon at the end, how to choose a wife, was also very good and I'm confident that I chose well :)
November 25, 2020
“Marriage makes you chaste; marriage makes you holy.
LORD make me chaste; LORD make me holy.”
LORD make me chaste; LORD make me holy.”
June 3, 2024
Surprisingly practical.
July 19, 2025
This might be the best book (more of a collection of sermons really) I’ve ever read on marriage. So focused in on the gospel and Christ and the church and how a husband and wife are not their own but belong to one another and ultimately to Christ. He continuously brings it back to Christ and how money, beauty, fame, etc. Are nothing in comparison to Christ. The more we focus our marriages on Him, the more beautiful our marriages will become.
November 8, 2020
A wonderful book to read and learn from to grow in the Orthodox Christian faith, written by St. John Chrysostom--one of the Church Fathers who was responsible for developing the Divine Liturgy for worship that we celebrate on most Sundays throughout the year. Here's an excerpt from the book:
He gave Himself up for her that “He might cleanse and sanctify her…” (v. 26). So the Church was not pure. She had blemishes, she was ugly and cheap. Whatever kind of wife you marry, you will never take a bride like Christ did when He married the Church; you will never marry anyone estranged from you as the Church was from Christ. Despite all this, He did not abhor or hate her for her extraordinary corruption. Do you want her corruption described? Paul says, “For once you were in darkness.”9 Do you see how black she was? Nothing is blacker than darkness. Think of her shamelessness; she passed her day in malice and envy, Paul says.10 Look at her impurity; she was foolish and disobedient.11 But what am I saying? She was foolish, her tongue was evil, but even though her wounds were so numerous, He sacrificed Himself for her in her corrupted state, as if she were in the bloom of youth, as if she were dearly beloved, and a wonderful beauty. St. Paul marvelled at this, and said, “Why, one will hardly die for a righteous man—though perhaps for a good man one will dare even to die. But God shows His love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.”12 Though she was like this, Christ accepted her and made her beautiful. He washer her, and did not hesitate even to sacrifice Himself for her.
9 Eph 5:8. - pgs. 47-48
10 Tit 3:3.
11 Idem.
12 Rom5:7-8.
He gave Himself up for her that “He might cleanse and sanctify her…” (v. 26). So the Church was not pure. She had blemishes, she was ugly and cheap. Whatever kind of wife you marry, you will never take a bride like Christ did when He married the Church; you will never marry anyone estranged from you as the Church was from Christ. Despite all this, He did not abhor or hate her for her extraordinary corruption. Do you want her corruption described? Paul says, “For once you were in darkness.”9 Do you see how black she was? Nothing is blacker than darkness. Think of her shamelessness; she passed her day in malice and envy, Paul says.10 Look at her impurity; she was foolish and disobedient.11 But what am I saying? She was foolish, her tongue was evil, but even though her wounds were so numerous, He sacrificed Himself for her in her corrupted state, as if she were in the bloom of youth, as if she were dearly beloved, and a wonderful beauty. St. Paul marvelled at this, and said, “Why, one will hardly die for a righteous man—though perhaps for a good man one will dare even to die. But God shows His love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.”12 Though she was like this, Christ accepted her and made her beautiful. He washer her, and did not hesitate even to sacrifice Himself for her.
9 Eph 5:8. - pgs. 47-48
10 Tit 3:3.
11 Idem.
12 Rom5:7-8.
May 21, 2023
Serious review:
I love how radical John Chrysostom is and he shows marriage as a radical call to the depths of virtue and self denial that would rival the holiest of monks. Don’t seek out riches, don’t listen to poor music, don’t indulge in every delicacy and worldly good. He even says not to have expensive art and jewelry and clothing which until now has seemed almost the norm for marriage as I had seen it with wealthy catholic families. He says to invite the poor to your wedding and your parties and to enter into deep prayer and theological discussion together. Then he explains everything that JPII said about sex just in the span of 4 homilies instead of a huge ass book…St. John Chrysostom, ora pro nobis!!!!
I love how radical John Chrysostom is and he shows marriage as a radical call to the depths of virtue and self denial that would rival the holiest of monks. Don’t seek out riches, don’t listen to poor music, don’t indulge in every delicacy and worldly good. He even says not to have expensive art and jewelry and clothing which until now has seemed almost the norm for marriage as I had seen it with wealthy catholic families. He says to invite the poor to your wedding and your parties and to enter into deep prayer and theological discussion together. Then he explains everything that JPII said about sex just in the span of 4 homilies instead of a huge ass book…St. John Chrysostom, ora pro nobis!!!!
August 23, 2017
I suspect St. John Chrysostom's instruction will offend those who have trouble calibrating for the era. For the readers who can peer around their own filters and birth year, there are innumerable kernels of wisdom to be had, despite the discomfort of hearing many of them. This book is not for everybody. It will be a 5 star book for some and a 1 star book for others. For new dabblers in orthodoxy or Christianity, I would NOT start with this book.
July 16, 2022
Excellent. A 4.5, because I haven’t yet made sense of his emphasis on asceticism in celebration. But he graciously, respectfully, and pointedly addresses the beauty of marriage as well as the impediments to a lasting and peaceful one. Filled with both exhortation and comfort.
August 2, 2023
This book is remarkable. Thus far, it is the best book about marriage I have read. God-willing, a longer review shall appear.
February 16, 2023
Amazing. I thoroughly enjoyed every single page of this. Using Paul's words, he perfectly describes what a Christian marriage should be like. At the time, marriage was viewed as sinful or bad, and that for Christians, celibacy was the best way to "win" God's favour. John Chrysostom does not shy away from details and bears the burden of defending marriage - God's creation.
“Always begin by telling her now much you love her... Tell her that you love her more than
your own life, because this present life is nothing, and that your only hope is that the two of
you pass through this life in such a way that in the world to come you will be united in perfect
love. Say to her, ‘Our time here is brief and fleeing, but if we are pleasing to God, we can
exchange this life for the Kingdom to come. Then we will be perfectly one both with Christ and
each other, and our pleasure will know no bounds. I value your love above all things, and
nothing would be so bitter or painful to me as our being at odds with each other. Even if I lose
everything, any affliction is tolerable if you will be true to me.”
"Pray together at home and go to church; when you come back home, let each ask the other the
meaning of the readings and the prayers... Remind one another that nothing in this life is to be
feared, except offending God. If your marriage is like this, your perfection will rival the holiest
of monks... Be sure that you humble yourself and that your words are full of grace and
kindness... If we order our lives in this way and diligently study the Scriptures, we will find
lessons to guide us in everything we need!”
“Always begin by telling her now much you love her... Tell her that you love her more than
your own life, because this present life is nothing, and that your only hope is that the two of
you pass through this life in such a way that in the world to come you will be united in perfect
love. Say to her, ‘Our time here is brief and fleeing, but if we are pleasing to God, we can
exchange this life for the Kingdom to come. Then we will be perfectly one both with Christ and
each other, and our pleasure will know no bounds. I value your love above all things, and
nothing would be so bitter or painful to me as our being at odds with each other. Even if I lose
everything, any affliction is tolerable if you will be true to me.”
"Pray together at home and go to church; when you come back home, let each ask the other the
meaning of the readings and the prayers... Remind one another that nothing in this life is to be
feared, except offending God. If your marriage is like this, your perfection will rival the holiest
of monks... Be sure that you humble yourself and that your words are full of grace and
kindness... If we order our lives in this way and diligently study the Scriptures, we will find
lessons to guide us in everything we need!”
May 22, 2024
Our society is concerned with outward appearances, external beauties, promiscuity, and surface level relationships. St. John Chrysostom excerpts on 1 Cor 7, and Ephesians 5 and 6 is a breath of fresh air and a good book with great applications for those desiring long lasting healthy marriages that are not centered on these external traits that will fade and fail us. Chrysostom rather challenges the men especially to seek the internal beauty of the soul which includes better wifely characteristics such as modesty, affectionateness, and gentleness. In addition, he exhorts us men in how we should be treating our wives and raising children to establish the strongest of family bonds. Would recommend.
September 29, 2023
Timeless
February 19, 2017
This. Man. Makes marriage sound like the greatest relationship on earth and also totally not the point of life at the same time. Chrysostom should be required reading. Sure he's a medieval monk and some of his thoughts are contemporary to his time. He's still a genius.
April 13, 2011
This was a wonderful little book of sermons from St. John "the Golden-mouthed". Very easy to read and digest. I've decided that this will be required reading for my children in high school.
October 6, 2022
The Church has strayed so far from this
May 26, 2025
“If your marriage is like this, your perfection will rival the holiest of monks.”
I hope (one day, God-willing) to be half the husband St. John Chrysostom admonishes us men to be! I think this is essential reading for Christian men and women alike if they are looking to get married. These sermons paint a clear picture of what God envisions for Christian marriage. In one way, it’s a vision that’s much harder to attain than is commonly thought, as it requires death. The death of self. Yet in another way, it’s an easy vision, for His yoke is easy and His burden is light. He’s calling us to something that is easy, insofar as we cooperate with His grace and Spirit. I’m encouraged because in a time when, even in the Christian world, marriage seems so unstable, there is a better, solid, and joyful path. It’s the path of Christ. St. John explains how we do this practically.
“So if you think that the wife is the loser because she is told to fear her husband, remember that the principal duty of love is assigned to the husband, and you will see that it is her gain.”
“If you are going to practice fornication after marriage, you have approached marriage uselessly and in vain; or rather, not merely in vain, but to your harm.”
“Just as a virtuous man can never neglect or scorn his wife, so a wanton and licentious man can never love his wife, no matter how beautiful she is. Virtue gives birth to love, and love brings innumerable blessings.”
I hope (one day, God-willing) to be half the husband St. John Chrysostom admonishes us men to be! I think this is essential reading for Christian men and women alike if they are looking to get married. These sermons paint a clear picture of what God envisions for Christian marriage. In one way, it’s a vision that’s much harder to attain than is commonly thought, as it requires death. The death of self. Yet in another way, it’s an easy vision, for His yoke is easy and His burden is light. He’s calling us to something that is easy, insofar as we cooperate with His grace and Spirit. I’m encouraged because in a time when, even in the Christian world, marriage seems so unstable, there is a better, solid, and joyful path. It’s the path of Christ. St. John explains how we do this practically.
“So if you think that the wife is the loser because she is told to fear her husband, remember that the principal duty of love is assigned to the husband, and you will see that it is her gain.”
“If you are going to practice fornication after marriage, you have approached marriage uselessly and in vain; or rather, not merely in vain, but to your harm.”
“Just as a virtuous man can never neglect or scorn his wife, so a wanton and licentious man can never love his wife, no matter how beautiful she is. Virtue gives birth to love, and love brings innumerable blessings.”
Read
December 28, 2023On marriage and the church. Oof!
“For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the Church, because we are members of His body, made from His flesh and His bones.
Just as Eve came from the side of Adam, he says, so we come from the side of Christ. This is what he means when he says, "made from His flesh and His bones." We all know that Eve came from the side of Adam himself. Scripture has told this plainly, that God put Adam into a deep sleep and took one of his ribs, and fashioned the woman.
But how can we show that the Church also came from the side of Christ? Scripture explains this too. When Christ was lifted up on the cross, after He had been nailed to it and had died, one of the soldiers pierced His side and there came out blood and water. From that blood and water the whole Church has arisen.”
“For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the Church, because we are members of His body, made from His flesh and His bones.
Just as Eve came from the side of Adam, he says, so we come from the side of Christ. This is what he means when he says, "made from His flesh and His bones." We all know that Eve came from the side of Adam himself. Scripture has told this plainly, that God put Adam into a deep sleep and took one of his ribs, and fashioned the woman.
But how can we show that the Church also came from the side of Christ? Scripture explains this too. When Christ was lifted up on the cross, after He had been nailed to it and had died, one of the soldiers pierced His side and there came out blood and water. From that blood and water the whole Church has arisen.”
April 28, 2024
St John doesn’t mince his words in this one, going through various passages of scripture and fleshing out what the ideal marriage should look like. There are definitely some hard to swallow pills in there, but that just means the conviction was hitting. The amount of practical wisdom that applied directly to our modern times was insane considering this was written in the fifth century. There is truly nothing new under the sun.
This should be required reading for anyone desiring to marry, men in particular.
This should be required reading for anyone desiring to marry, men in particular.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 146 reviews