The Golden Rule: Lessons in living from a doctor of ageing

by Lucy Pollock

Brought to you by Penguin.

In a society obsessed with staying young, how can we age with confidence?


Today, we are living longer lives, and have choices now as never before about how we will age.
What will make us happy?
What are we frightened of, and what might allay those fears?
What changes, made right now, will help us to flourish as we age?

This book contains lessons Lucy Pollock learned from thirty years of working with older people and those close to them. It looks at problems that can be fixed with tests and tablets, and problems that require a different sort of medicine. Lucy explains what she have been taught about loss, about impossible families, about becoming older without children, and the important things I have learned about sexuality, race, love and living with uncertainty.
The Golden Rule sets out guiding principles we can all try to live by, in the hope that together we can bring about positive change, and all benefit from a kinder, more compassionate society.
Here is how we may meet our futures with optimism and confidence.

2024 Lucy Pollock (P)2024 Penguin Audio

Genres: Nonfiction, Ebooks

Audible Audio

Published July 4, 2024

Reviews

[Jane Griffiths · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is subtitled “Lessons in living from a doctor of ageing”, which made me think it was about what we can learn from older people. Well, it is that, and it isn’t. Lucy Pollock is a geriatrician, so she sees patients very late in their lives. Some have dementia, some have addictions, many have chronic or acute health conditions. Some she sees at the very end of their lives. It’s a series of stories, some of them the stories of people in her own family. Her tales of her mother, at the end of her life, are particularly poignant, because of course she remembers her mother when she was much younger, and in full possession of the faculties she had. And what emerges from that story is that her mother has always, really, been as she is now. If she is a prize pain, which clearly she is at times, she always has been. I think this was a wonderful lesson. People are, till the end of their lives, the person they have always been. This is even true of people with dementia. Yes, they may mostly remember nothing, but they are still the person they are. Some media reports and comments about dementia say things like “you lose them day by day”, or, as one current awareness and fundraising media campaign has it, “you die again and again”. Everyone who has lived with or cared for a person with dementia, in my experience, says the opposite. They never say that the person has gone. Their behaviour has changed. Their cognition has diminished. But they are still there, as they have always been. Lucy Pollock is strong on this.

A good geriatrician must know the person’s story. Someone with dementia, very near the end of their life, who is diabetic, does not need to be pricked to check their sugar levels four times a day, when it is terribly frightening and distressing for them, because they can’t remember the previous finger-prick four hours ago, even though the sugar check may be clinically recommended.

This book is really a series of stories. As I read it – it is delightfully and engagingly written – I was waiting for her message. What then should we do? How then should we think about the people we know, and the people we love, as the end of their life approaches? How then should we think about our own later years, and the end of our own life? And of course she doesn’t provide “the answer”, because there isn’t one. Her message is, listen to people. The life they have led informs the way they are now. Know their story, and that will help you to care for them as they should be cared for. This is not always, or usually, easy. She refers to “Jason, a recidivist alcoholic, vile to his family and haughtily dismissive of every lifeline that is thrown his way”, and to “Francine, a reclusive hoarder, her floorboards rotting under her feet”. What should be done with and for them? You cannot go back and alter the course of their lives that has shaped the way they are now. No, she says, “it would be better that we leave them as they are and maintain a level of contact that is humane but also respectful and realistic”. Not an easy challenge.

She asks people who are not so near the end of their life what they would say to their eighty-year-old self. One person, whose insight and judgment she respects, thinks for a moment, then claps her hands and says “Wow. What a ride.”

Think about the older people you know and love. Listen to their stories, if that’s possible. Consider these things, when you consider the last years of your own life – and none of us knows exactly when those years are to be. We may already be living them.

Read this book.

[Elan Shellard · Rating 4 out of 5]

*4.5
I’m honestly shocked that this book has so few reviews, it would do well front and centre at Waterstones. It’s a great insight into how we currently care for an ageing population, the complexities and simplicity it entails. It’s written sensitively and with an eye to aspects that have challenged the authors own way of thinking. It also made interesting points about how caring for older people is changing with family and societal structures. It pretty much boils down to: we’re all going to be old, surely we need to put a bit more thought into elderly care?

[Catherine Clapperton · Rating 5 out of 5]

An honest, gentle, insightful account of life, death and all the care received in between.

Dr Lucy Pollock is a Dr specialising in geriatric care and the book left me hoping I get someone as empathetic and caring, looking after me when I'm (if luck will allow) elderly. Dr Lucy's explanation of the importance of patients wishes, admitting and apologising for your mistakes and of expressing your wishes to loved ones or those who are enable to enact them for you.

What really resonated with me is that we can often forget how closely entertained, mental and physical health can be. Being comfortable at home, surrounded by loved ones and perhaps the family cat, can assist in healing or a dignified and comfortable death. Lucy gets across the point that often, people will choose to forgo further treatment for a variety of reasons and that medicine should be more about quality of life, rather than just prolonging it.

Lucy shows how important it is to get a sense of the person when considering treatment and their wishes. The most important treatment that can be given sometimes is time and a listening ear.

An absolutely humbling and heartwarming read. One that'll stick with me for a long time.

[Fiona · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should read this book whatever age as we are all getting older every day we live. It imparts lots of very useful information that has helped me with my own aging process and most importantly to help me care for my 95 year old mother. As a 72 year old juggling looking after myself, caring for my mother and being there for my daughter and grandkids much of her advice has been invaluable. I wish she was my doctor even though my local GP practise is good a geriatrician seems to understand more about aging as well as good medical practise.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very interesting book about getting old. It questions whether we should just do what the doctor/science says, or whether that is not always the best way forward. We must focus on quality of life not just prolonging it. Everyone is different, the lives, values and wishes should always be taken into account. It’s ok to say that we don’t want resuscitating if that’s our wish. Easily readable with lots of little stories to make you think.

[Mrs Norma · Rating 5 out of 5]

An interesting read. A collection of random stories to illustrate the points she is making. They make you think, and there is lots of relating to your own circumstances. It was thought provoking and really made you aware of what is missing in our society.

[Kat · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty similar to her other book, but equally readable in a thought-provoking way.
And fitting to finish reading it on a day my family got together to celebrate the life of my grandfather and also heard that my last grandmother had died.

[Vonprice · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wise, compassionate and kind reflections from an NHS Geriatrician. A beautifully written book which everyone should read.
My full review is here: http://vsviewfromthebookshelves.home....

[F · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very insightful. Every doctor and nurse should do themselves and their patients a favour and read and reflect on their practice in relation to this book.

[Zoe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not sure it was really about a golden rule. More about it’s important to know and find out what matters to people and the importance of an advanced care plan.