But Everyone Feels This Way: How an Autism Diagnosis Saved My Life

by Paige Layle

Autism acceptance activist and TikTok influencer Paige Layle shares her deeply personal journey to diagnosis and living life autistically.

“For far too long, I was told I was just like everyone else. But knew it couldn’t be true. Living just seemed so much harder for me. This wasn’t okay. This wasn’t normal. This wasn’t functioning. And it certainly wasn’t fine.”

Paige Layle was normal. She lived in the countryside with her mom, dad, and brother Graham. She went to school, hung out with friends, and all the while everything seemed so much harder than it needed to be. A break in routine threw off the whole day. If her teacher couldn't answer “why” in class, she dissolved into tears, unable to articulate her own confusion or explain her lack of control.

But Paige was normal. She smiled in photos, picked her feet up when her mom needed to vacuum instead of fleeing the room, and earned high grades. She had friends and loved to perform in local theater productions. It wasn’t until a psychiatrist said she wasn’t doing okay, that anyone believed her.

In But Everyone Feels This Way, Paige Layle shares her story as an autistic woman diagnosed late. Armed with the phrase “Autism Spectrum Disorder” (ASD), Paige challenges stigmas, taboos, and stereotypes while learning how to live her authentic, autistic life.

Genres: Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Nonfiction, Memoir, Mental Health, Audiobook, Disability, Psychology

Audible Audio

Published March 26, 2024

About the author

Is a Canadian Autism and ADHD acceptance activist, YouTuber and TikToker.

Reviews

[*TUDOR^QUEEN* · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was very intrigued to read this after an enlightening conversation with my older brother. Our father, while a very good man, husband and provider- had some offbeat tendencies of which we had talked about for years. One glaring tendency was not being able to really look someone in the eye while speaking to them. My brother speculated, "I wonder if he was autistic?" My father was born in 1924, so the term wasn't "available" back then.

Paige tells her story from early childhood to present day (she's about 23) describing situations that set her apart from everyone. A ton of crying, asking a lot of questions in class when she didn't understand something, preferring to work absolutely alone rather than in groups, being excluded from parties, hearing noises that to others might be subtle or non-existent- but to Paige a relentless persecution in the background. These are just some of her challenges, but she also suffered from depression and the nagging desire to kill herself.

Paige seeks out help through various therapists and psychiatrists, spends a horrific sounding stint in the psych ward, and finally gets the diagnosis of Autism. While she still suffers from her brain being built different than most people, she embraces her diagnosis, establishes boundaries to enhance her life, and freely shares her diagnosis when conflicts arise.

I read the ebook and also listened to the audiobook (which she personally narrated). I enjoyed both versions, but was really impressed with the strength and sense of self that bled through her narration. It was as if every single word was so important to her, and she carefully delivered each sentence with that reverence- and occasional spunk. Paige was a top tier student in school, even rating Valedictorian- and approached her schoolwork with an almost manic attention. She is a young woman with a lot of focus and drive with a purpose to educate people about the Autism diagnosis. I commend Paige for her heartfelt efforts.

Thank you to the publisher Hachette Books / Hachette Audio/ Hachette Go who provided an advance reader copy via NetGalley.

[Bethany (Beautifully Bookish Bethany) · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this interesting memoir the author recounts her experiences growing up and struggling to deal with life, change, socializing, school, feelings etc. while dealing with suicidal ideation as well, and finally at 15 getting a diagnosis of autism alongside depression and anxiety.

It gets at how women are often diagnosed later in life because they are socialized differently and often learn how to mask in ways that might lead to them not getting flagged. And I would say the author's experiences and struggles are even more visibly intense than a lot of women diagnosed later in life. I think it's an important conversation that is being had because there are a lot of misconceptions about Autism Spectrum Disorder and what it looks like in a range of people. I would love to see more women opening up about their experiences that may be similar or different, but we also need to talk about how incredibly difficult and expensive it is to get diagnosed as an adult, especially in the United States. Which is part of why there has been a spike in online discussions of self-diagnosis after research and taking online assessments (that have been shown to be accurate based on studies by the way). This isn't the whole picture because people are not the same, but it's an engaging memoir. Note that there is quite a bit of graphic depiction of mental health issues including panic attacks, anxiety, suicidal ideation, and being hospitalized. The audio book is great. I received an audio review copy via NetGalley, all opinions are my own.

[Maren’s Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone on the Autism spectrum myself, only diagnosed within the past decade, I am continuously seeking out information on Autism and how it affects women in particular. It was incredibly powerful to read a memoir that combines experiences, many of which rang true for me as well, with some of the science around the Autistic person’s brain mechanics vs that of a neurotypical individual.

I listened to this on audio, as I tend to do with memoirs, but found myself highlighting quite a few passages. For that reason alone, I think this book makes a fantastic immersive read for anyone looking to expand their knowledge of this prominent disorder and its effects on individuals as well as families.

Read if you like:
•memoirs
•neurodivergent rep
•information on autism and its affect on both kids and adults
•reading about the autism experience

Thank you Hachette Go and Macmillan Audio for the gifted copies.

[Steph · Rating 3 out of 5]

⊹ i think this is my first time intentionally reading a book written by a social media influencer. i've never used tiktok, and i'm not interested in layle's social media. what made me read this book was its biting title, words which have haunted me throughout my own life (i.e. everyone feels this way / everyone hates being an adult / everyone struggles to regulate, to function, to socialize / you're being dramatic / you're being manipulative / you need to get over yourself.) this particular flavor of invalidating negative self talk is, unfortunately, rooted deep inside me. someone else reflecting on this sentiment, post autism diagnosis, is powerful and hugely validating for me right now.

⊹ it's wild for someone so young to have penned a memoir, but here we are. i really liked the neuroscience bits in the beginning, and i was relieved toward the end of the book when layle gets deeper into disability discourse. oddly, the actual parts about layle's own experiences felt less valuable. again, she is so young, and the majority of the book takes place during her school years, and it tends to drag. overall, there's a lot less introspective reflection than you'd expect from this type of book - much of it is just a choppy, unstructured recounting of events, emphasizing how helpless and overwhelmed she felt throughout childhood.

⊹ right after reading where am i now?, it's heartbreaking to read about another kid who has to beg her parents to get her help. such a powerless feeling to be a child who knows that something is wrong and support is needed, but whose well-meaning parents are deep in denial.

⊹ layle's criticism of the distinction between different autism support needs seems very shortsighted. yes, we are all unique, we don't fall neatly into categories, and we have different needs in different situations - but if particular labels help people to communicate supports that they do require, why not let them use those labels? this is very complex, so i wish layle didn't present her opinion as fact (which is a theme throughout the book tbh).

⊹ i was very grateful to see layle touch on the history of asperger's syndrome, and its eugenic origin.

⊹ layle's take on person-first language is super interesting, and something i'd never considered. i think a lot of people out there use person-first language exclusively in an attempt to be anti-ableist, so it's eye-opening to realize that perhaps it's more ableist to put unnecessary emphasis on personhood. this is another point that's super complex.

⊹ the part about cognitive fusion is explained nicely. your thoughts are not you, and you have the option to fuse with the thoughts that feel right, and discard those which don't.

⊹ thankfully, layle does acknowledge that she's not the voice of everyone with autism - she's just one autistic person providing her perspectives.

⊹ typically i prefer audiobook versions of memoirs, but i was surprised to find layle's narration quite grating. it might have something to do with her smug, self-congratulatory attitude and the way she never acknowledges how fortunate her childhood was on so many levels. i'm still early in my journey on educating myself about autism, so i took some valuable lil nuggets from this one, but i thought it would have more to offer.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

But Everyone Feels This Way: How an Autism Diagnosis Saved My Life is a memoir by Paige Layle, a young woman who was diagnosed with autism at the age of 15.

I think many individuals who were diagnosed as a teen or adult would be able to identify with Layle’s experiences. The book would be a good entry point for someone just learning about their own ASD diagnosis or their friends and family. Also, I appreciated that she shared the various treatments she tried, especially the acceptance and commitment therapy, since I was unfamiliar with that.

Layle’s last chapter included her biggest pieces of life advice, which was a nice summation of what she has learned through her experiences. I applaud Layle for sharing her story, as I think it will be inspiring to individuals who can relate to Layle’s life.

Thanks to NetGalley for the advanced copy.

[Kara Babcock · Rating 4 out of 5]

With most memoirs, I already have a good sense of who the author is, like in the case of Making It So , and I’ve picked up the memoir because I’m interested in hearing their story in their own words. In the case of But Everyone Feels This Way, I hadn’t heard of Paige Layle before. Instagram recommended a Reel by her. I don’t remember the Reel or what she said in it, but she mentioned her book coming out soon. I was intrigued, looked it up, and was able to get an eARC through NetGalley/Hachette.

Paige Layle is a twenty-three-year-old from Ontario, Canada—the same province as me, and a fact I only realized when I was well into the book and noticed she was using a lot of Canadian school terms, like saying “Grade 3” instead of “third grade,” and then she mentioned Toronto, and I was like, “CANADIAN. WE HAVE A CANADIAN HERE. FROM ONTARIO LIKE ME.” Sorry, I get unreasonably excited when unexpected Ontarians show up in my to-read list. Anyway, Layle is quite young to write a memoir, but they are passionate about being an autism communicator. Layle takes us chronologically through their life, sharing how they struggled through early childhood and adolescence. She expected her autism diagnosis, received at fifteen, to change everything and was surprised when it didn’t—but it allowed her to better express her needs, work on her relationship with her mom, and figure out what she wanted after high school.

Autism as a condition is drastically misunderstood. At its core, But Everyone Feels This Way is a first-person account of “discovering” autism. It has two major audiences: allistic people like myself who want to learn more about autistic people’s experiences, and young, neurodivergent people who might be autistic and not realize it. For that latter group, I hope some of them find this book illuminating.

Women in particular are underrepresented among autism diagnoses. This compounds misunderstandings about what it means to be autistic, what “#ActuallyAutistic” looks like, as the hashtag might say. I briefly perused Layle’s Instagram as I prepared to write this review, and I noticed a disturbing trend of comments like so: “You aren’t autistic, stop pretending. If you were autistic you wouldn’t be able to talk to us like this.” Now, it’s no surprise that the comments are a toxic trashfire. Still, I think these comments represent an unwillingness among the public to believe that autistic people can be verbal, can communicate with grace and elegance, can have complex and nuanced takes on things. This comes down to stereotypes—but I’d argue it’s also symptom of insecurity among neurotypical and allistic people who are invested in the idea that autism is something to be feared rather than embraced, at best tolerated as opposed to accepted and even celebrated. It’s these people whom Layle hopes to disarm, I think.

But Everyone Feels This Way is quite raw and pointed. While some will call Layle’s style simplistic, there is a difference between simplistic and simple, and Layle’s writing is the latter. It’s clear, and it’s honest—allistic readers are just used to people not saying exactly what they mean, engaging in ellipsis, etc. While I won’t litigate the legitimacy of Layle’s autism, let me say that Layle’s writing is, to me, one of the clearest indicators that they are autistic. It’s not bad writing; it’s just different from the range of styles that tend to be drummed into neurotypical writers—and if that isn’t your thing, cool, but I think you would be missing out.

What I found most compelling about this book is how Layle builds, layer by layer, our understanding of her experience of autism as she moves through the each year of her life. I like to think I had a good handle on general facts about autism, many of which Layle shares in various fact-box sidebars throughout the book. However, there is a difference between holding a mental list of autistic traits in my head and actually hearing an autistic person describe how she embodies and experiences those traits on a daily basis. In this way, this book serves its primary purpose as a memoir: to build a richer empathy for autistic life than a work of more general reference nonfiction could ever achieve.

As a teacher, I found the chapters in which Layle is in high school very helpful and challenging. She describes in detail the process of getting an IEP, an individual education plan (this is the point where I realized she’s in Ontario) and how some teachers would abide by this plan while others would … not. This doesn’t surprise met, but it does sadden me. I would like more Ontario high school teachers to read this book so they can hear directly from an autistic person why the accommodations in an IEP are not niceties, not wants, but needs.

The problem, Layle makes clear here, is not Layle themself. It’s that we built our society for neurotypical people, so neurodivergent people are often at a disadvantage in meeting expectations. School is difficult because you need to be quiet, sit still, not challenge your teacher’s authority or expertise even if you’re confused by how they are teaching you, etc. Neurotypical people, and most allistic, neurodivergent people like myself, learn how to play the game well enough to mostly fit in. (In my case, for example, I can relate to a lot of Layle’s experience in terms of being highly intelligent and academically motivated while not very socially involved. However, I didn’t experience her struggles to understand her teachers’ or peers’ emotions and motivations, so I had an easier time figuring out “how to behave” in high school. This is the privilege of an allistic brain.)

Ironically, for a book with a subtitle all about the diagnosis itself, this aspect of the book seems to be the least well-developed. I thought it was really interesting how Layle admits to disappointment that their diagnosis did not magically fix how people relate to them—there is a particular scene between Layle and their former best friend that highlights this keenly. I wish Layle had gone more into this side of things, but instead she focuses more on how the diagnosis changed her family dynamic.

This isn’t a perfect book, and of course it behoves me to observe that Layle in many ways fits the mould of influencer: young, white, woman. But Everyone Feels This Way runs the risk of being elevated into some universal tale of autistic experience because we would like it to be that simple. We like it when we can read one book about something and say we know about that identity. But it’s not that simple, of course. Layle can’t speak for all autistic people, doesn’t pretend to, and if you expect this to be a general crash course in autism, look elsewhere. Although there are some basic definitions and facts sprinkled throughout, this book is a memoir first—it just happens to be a memoir by an Actually Autistic person.

And that, in my opinion, is a good enough reason to pick it up. Layle’s unrelenting honesty, the way she matter-of-factly links her struggles to her suicide ideation and attempts, is a good enough reason to keep reading to the end. Because ultimately this is a book about someone trying to come to terms with the fact that the world was not built for them—and the people for whom it was built have no idea just how different things seem the people on the outside. Sometimes bemused, sometimes distraught, sometimes nonchalant, Layle’s memories reveal the kaleidoscope of rich, wonderful, uplifting, terrifying truths that accompany being a young autistic person coming of age in the 2010s and navigating adulthood in the 2020s.

Originally posted on Kara.Reviews.

[Sarah (berriesandbooks)]

DNFing at 52%. I was having a hard time processing this book (the writing style reads like a stream of consciousness and it’s very messy) but after looking up the author, I see a lot of controversy around the way they advocate for autistic people. They’ve also posted several videos that they’ve taken down due to controversy around their takes. Don’t know enough to really form an opinion, or how much of it is true, but I’m setting this aside. Controversy aside, I was expecting a more thorough look at autism in general, and this memoir is lacking structure.

[Gab · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is comfort
in shared struggle.

I adored this book.
As an autistic person myself, much of this was really hard to read because of how relatable it was to my own experience. That said, it is also so validating in a "wow, someone else has felt the exact same way as I have felt before".

But this book isn't just about Layle's personal life as an autistic person. This could be an excellent introduction to autism: if you have never read about what it is like to live in North America as an autistic person, this is a perfect first autistic perspective to encounter, because she also explains so much about:
- what is autism
- the process of diagnosing
- labels related to autism (and why we don't use "functioning" and "asperger")
- how completely different autistic people can be from one another
- the many cooccurring conditions that are common with autism
- how it impacts every aspect of who you are
- that the world we live in is built by and for allistic people, and it is good to question how things could change to be more inclusive and fair

It is a very good overview of what everyone should know about autism, the level of basic knowledge that I wish the general population had. I especially wish it was mandatory reading for adults working with autistic children.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has been recently diagnosed or self-diagnosed (I won't get into how problematic and difficult diagnosis can be), anyone who knows someone who is autistic or genuinely just anyone who wants to learn from a first person perspective what being autistic means.

Infinite thank yous to the author for writing this book. I cannot imagine it was an easy process, and it now offers me an incredible resource which I cannot wait to acquire so I can keep it in my collection to lend to friends and family who definitely need to read this book so they can better understand me.

Thank you to NetGalley and Hachette for the opportunity to read this ARC. This book comes out on March 26th, 2024.

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
Every autistic person has a different story to tell and as the saying goes, if you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism. It's refreshing to read autism book from an adult female's perspective. I was diagnosed at age 40 and felt very misunderstood during my years in school too. I'm so glad she was able to be diagnosed to at least get some help. It's sad her parents and other people were so unsupportive for so long. Hopefully this book will shed some light for those who are or know someone who is autistic.

[Elena · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have many thoughts about this memoir, but they can be summed up in how it made me feel: intrigued, emotional and contrarian.

I enjoy reading memoirs because it allows me to experience (to a certain extent) lives I will never get to experience. And also because I'm probably a gossipy busybody haha. This memoir delivered that: it allowed me to see the world with a brain unlike my own. There were many parts that made me very emotional, I got so deep into the narration that I could actually feel Paige's frustration and emotional upheavals. I think that if a writer can make you feel that much that means that they have successfully communicated their thoughts and feelings. Listening to the audiobook, which is narrated by Paige Layle, definitely helped convey her meaning even better.

However, it also made me very irritated and disgruntled at some of the messages being transmitted which were along the lines of the modern, self-congratulatory pseudo-psychology that currently is rampant in social media. A number of the conclusions she made throughout her book are in complete opposition to the factual evidence within the experiences she narrates here. A number of things rubbed me the wrong way, especially her dismissiveness towards people she deemed "inferior" for not being "as intelligent as her", and her utter disregard for others' experiences and pain while demanding others to understand hers.

It was not all bad though, there were some good messages here, one of them being that even if everyone feels "this" way, it doesn't diminish your struggle nor the right for your pain to be taken seriously and to get help.

As an individual, I don't vibe with her at all, but as a reader, I applaud her for her efforts in objectivity, in helping bring awareness to ASD struggles, and in not trying to be likeable and perfect. I do think that this is a book that will help those who read it to understand what neurodivergent experience might be like. But as the author herself writes, this is just one of many accounts on what it is like to be autistic, so the more one reads about other's experiences the more informed and less biased we will become.

[L C · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have been formally diagnosed with autism and adhd. I only divulge that because it'd be wrong for someone without autism to critique anything about this book.

I checked the acknowledgments at the end of the book for mention of an editor, because I kept wishing that there had been one. It turns out there was an editor, and their name was Mollie. But I could not detect their influence. I realize the predicament that they were in, because altering a memoir about one person's experience of autism could come across as judging, correcting, or invalidating that experience.

But I'm not sure the kind of editing I think the book needed would have been invalidating. My issue is with the many, many disjointed and unrelated mentions of details that not only seemed irrelevant in the moment, but that were never even mentioned again so there truly was no point to them. They made the writing feel very choppy and unfocused, so the book as a whole came off like her writing process didn't include so much as an outline. I wonder if there was even a second draft?

It ought to be more difficult than this to get a book deal. It ought to be more difficult than this for someone to become a published pseudo-spokesperson for a marginalized demographic. It ought to matter more to that person to "get it right." To put their experience and thought process to paper in a way that is authentic and vulnerable, yes, but also coherent and cautiously representative of the autistic mind. The writing here could easily give the impression that the average autistic person thinks their every disjointed thought is worthy of sharing, and never in need of revisiting for analysis or correction.

I sincerely feel that the average submission on r/autisminwomen receives more scrutiny and re-editing by their authors than this book did. I am certain that the author's videos on YouTube receive that kind of attention. Why not her book too?

[Kai · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book read like a high school report. The language and the way she littered copy paste facts through out the book. It felt strange to read a memoir of someone so young who hasn’t lived much.

Would be good book for therapist to recommend to a young person getting diagnosed. One time a therapist recommended a book for me that was pretty baseline but so eye opening for me at the time. I think this book could do that for a tween getting diagnosed for the first time that they are in the spectrum.

It also felt weird reading a whole book of someone complaining about their experience that has grown up with so much advantage and privilege. The nice school, after school programs, multiple therapists, and opportunity to be enrolled in a mental hospital… and even the super supportive mom who did things like add her asd to her school file immediately.

Has a whole section about ableism but says ableist things on social media.

Quote from one of her videos : “non vocal autistics have no thoughts no brain. “

She says multiple times in the book how highly intelligent she is. More than anyone she knows. I found this exciting because she has been called out on social media for saying she knows better how to raise an autistic child more than any parent.

This was a fun social experiment. I didnt love the book. I don’t think I much like the author either.

Thank you hachette books for the digital ARC of this book.

[Haylee Perry · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been so excited for this book since Paige mentioned it on TikTok months ago. I knew it was going to be good, and I was right. But I’ll start off with what other people may want to know:

This is a really good “starter” autism book. If you know nothing about autism, especially in girls, this is readable. Paige does a great job at mixing in facts about autism and stories from her own life. If you know lots about autism and just want another great book, her reflections on cooccuring conditions throughout the book are great! It is also, in general, a wonderful memoir as it is told in chronological order (THANK you, Paige) and is set up pre-autism diagnosis and post-autism diagnosis, which I found interesting.

Now, back to what makes this book good for ME:
I’ve followed Paige on TikTok for at least 3 years now. She was one of the first autistic TikTokers I followed when I became obsessed with following as many as I could in 2020/2021. Her experience resonated with mine SO much that she helped me feel solidified in my own self-diagnosis. Her memoir resonated with me even more because I got to hear everything she went through. So much of her childhood reminds me of mine, and she put some thoughts and feelings into words that I don’t think I could’ve ever come up with. While Paige and I are dissimilar in many ways, especially as adults, I think anyone who knows me could (and should) read this memoir to understand me a little better.

[Lauren Chase · Rating 4 out of 5]

To be honest, I knew nothing about this book before I opened it other than the library subject search "women autism," which is how I found it. About 5 pages in I thought, "Tik-tok influencer in their 20s? I'm not going to relate to this at all." And I almost put it down. I'm so glad I kept reading. I actually read it through in one sitting. The book was engaging, educational, personal, and enlightening. Although I am 50, I saw my own childhood and young adult experiences reflected in Layle's, and it helped me understand myself and my grown autistic child better. I'd recommend this to anyone who is autistic, who loves someone who is autistic, and especially late diagnosed adults looking for clarity.

[Mallory · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir was very well done. Paige outlines her childhood and then diagnosis of being autistic and journey to figure out how that will shape her life. The writing was good and even better it was brutally open and raw with emotion. This memoir helped me to see from the author’s perspective which was very helpful. I will admit it was very sad to see how much Paige struggled before her diagnosis and after as she tried to use that knowledge to help her navigate the world. I knew that women are often under diagnosed as autistic because it presents differently, and I hope stories like this can help the research to understand a more comprehensive list of symptoms. I’m grateful to HB Social club for the copy of this book.

[Shelby (catching up on 2025 reviews) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Hachette Go & Hachette Audio for my gifted copies ♥️

Autism acceptance influencer Paige Layle takes readers along on her deeply personal journey of living with autism, before and after diagnosis.

I LOVED THIS BOOK!!! As someone not on the spectrum, I learned so much from Layle's intimate account of life with autism, and the importance of receiving a diagnosis and appropriate support. This is written incredibly well, as Layle blends humor with candor, delivering a captivating, unputdownable memoir that leaves readers inspired, awed, and educated. I can see this book being really affirming for folks on the spectrum, or those with loved ones on the spectrum.

Layle narrates the audiobook herself and I loved reading along with the audiobook in my headphones. She is a gifted storyteller and hearing this in her own voice added to my experience, for sure!

What a remarkable young woman doing such important work! Highly recommend this book!!!! ❤️

[Stephanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

2⭐️ I was not familiar with Paige from her TikTok presence, so I had no preconceived notions or expectations going into this book. The blurb describes it as an individual, “shar[ing] her story as an autistic woman diagnosed late.” I think it’s really important to note that the author was 24 at the time of publication (and still is), and was diagnosed with ASD around age 14 (before beginning grade 10). I want to be clear that I do not intend any of my opinions to diminish her lived experience, do not want to quibble about the “definition” of late diagnosis, and do not want any comments to do so. However, in my opinion, her age is both relevant and inadequately addressed in the promotional information for the book. In my experience as a neuropsychologist, most individuals seeking resources about “late diagnosis” are diagnosed in their 30s, 40s, and beyond. These are individuals who have been living masked lives for years, and are looking for books to guide them in an unmasking journey in the context of marriage, family, career, and autistic burnout.

Don’t misunderstand me, Paige’s is an important voice to add to the conversation. I appreciate her efforts to discuss her diagnosis and unmasking journey, despite acknowledging she herself cannot actually recall much of that time. She has a unique perspective as she builds her life in a neurodiversity affirming way given her knowledge of her diagnosis and the ever increasing body of scientific work on the topic. I just worry that her story is not quite ready to be told yet? Maybe we need to keep that sourdough in the oven a bit longer while she continues to apply those great ACT principles she has learned. Certainly, any voice providing factual information on a social media platform is one that should be uplifted *and* perhaps a memoir is not the right platform for her just yet? While the writing itself was good, I didn’t find the scope of the book wide enough to benefit autistics whose lived experience differs significantly from her own. I think this book will be most appreciated by individuals who follow(ed) her on TikTok and want more details about her personal journey.

[kt m · Rating 1 out of 5]

More so around 1.5 and I'm happy for those who enjoyed the book and learned from it! However, I had mainly had a hard reading experience.
I wanted to love it to support a fellow autistic woman! I did relate to things from the story as someone who got diagnosed only a few years after Paige Layle did. It's hard because this is very much a linear memoir that has details about autism throughout, but if this is your first time reading about autism, I can see how some people would read Paige's experience as fact. It's a memoir that accounts her childhood to present and is very certain of all the facts that have happened in her life. Which I suppose if you have perfect memory it is doable to account every word you have been told in your past? Maybe my practicality and questioning is not useful in this instance.
Either than that, the poems interspersed felt a little forced and random at points. I found the writing style was not something I enjoyed but I appreciate her sharing her story! To end on a positive note, I enjoyed the reflection and criticism of the term + history of Aspergers.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

By far one of the BEST autism memoirs I've read! This is a deeply personal, open book about the autism influencer author's journey to getting an autism spectrum disorder diagnosis, her struggles with self-acceptance, depression and suicidal ideation as well as great commentary and insights into societal ableism and how one autistic person's experience is only one autistic person's experience.

HIGHLY, highly recommended, especially on audio read by the author herself. Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an early digital and audio copy in exchange for my honest review. Perfect for fans of books like fellow Canadian, Sarah Kurchak's award-winning "I overcame my autism and all I got was this lousy anxiety disorder."

[BAM doesn’t answer to her real name]

Release: march 26, 2004

[suvi]

As an autistic person (with ADHD) who wasn't diagnosed until adulthood, this was extremely difficult book to read because most of the time it felt like I was reading about my own childhood. But it was also very comforting to know I wasn't going through those things alone, even if I didn't know it at the time. But it also made me unbearably angry because neither of us should have been through this nor the undoubtedly countless other's too.

Excellent read, will be purchasing this for my parents as a Christmas present and annotating the hell out of it for them.

(I don't rate memoirs because I don't feel comfortable giving a star rating to someone's life and how it was written)

[Boundlessly Bookish || Narcassia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot begin to express how much I adored this read!

While everyone’s ASD journey is unique; I found so many parallels between Paige’s story and my own experiences. Finally something where I can honestly say “ someone else understands me and what I have been through”

5 beautifully written stars!

[Alexis · Rating 2 out of 5]

Wow, I came into this book being excited for some insight from a very pretty autistic girl who seems intelligent. I was so curious about her experience as someone who is autistic and also very attractive. Do people look over her autistic behaviors because of pretty privilege? How does she handle masking? She’s discussed pretty privilege in her videos so I thought she’d go more into it.

In reality it was written very dryly. She talked about doing great in school, even was the valedictorian multiple times. I don’t get how you can be so smart but such a bad writer. She brushes over events, briefly mentioning interesting things but never going into full detail. We never get really deep stories or into the nitty gritty about her romantic relationships, friendships, or even her relationship with her parents. This badly needed some edits. For example, at one point towards the end she briefly says that her dad was not a good person at times and “maybe she’d go into that in a later chapter.” She never did. I was so annoyed because it was the one time she revealed something deeper and it just never got brought up again. Why leave that in the book?

And no, the flaws in this book are not because she’s autistic either. I’ve read books by autistic authors that were excellent and well written. Many autistic people are capable of deep emotions and connections. From what little she says of herself, she is too. But she keeps this very surface level. Doesn’t go too much into it in this book. Never too many explanations about anything personal.

Worse, it’s one of those memoirs that tries to double as an informational read. She intersperses her personal stories with science and info about autism. I do not like those kind of memoirs and this wasn’t really advertised as one of those self help memoirs so I was irritated when I discovered paragraphs of non personal scientific info. If I wanted that I’d read a Wikipedia article. I wanted more of her personal story.

It just wasn’t very good.

[Taylor Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

We know the rules- if I cry, it gets 5 stars. Paige expressed so much that I think could have been pulled from my own brain. I knew I would likely find answers in this, but I did not expect to see myself so clearly in her story. Maybe one day I’ll share more, but for now, my favorite highlights:

“If everyone felt the same way I did, how come it seemed like I was the only one who didn’t want to be here anymore? What was wrong with me? Living seemed so much harder for me than for everyone else.”

“I’m not crazy. I’m not making it up. I’m not manipulative or trying to fake anything. I am actually really not having an okay time and I haven’t been for a while, and there’s a reason why. There’s a reason why I’m the way that I am. There’s a reason why I feel the things I feel and do the things I do. And it’s not because I am an attention seeker or a drama queen or a diva. So many of my questions have one clear answer. Every part of me is autistic. I’ve been autistic for fifteen years and this psychiatrist is just figuring it out now.”

“little me: i run my fingers over her sharp edges. “don’t they hurt you?” she asks, in her little voice. “no, they don’t,” i reply. “you gave me such strong hands your edges aren’t sharp to me. i was made to run my fingers over the hard parts of you, and i will hold the most painful parts of you for as long as you need—” i don’t know if it’s my voice, or my calloused hands, but she becomes softer.”

“I was tiny, with no idea of why, or how, or even where I was on fire all the time. “You’re not on fire!” people metaphorically told me. “We’re all on fire! Everyone feels this way.” But they were wrong.”

“Finally, I want to thank Little Paige, for not killing herself, for surviving every awful day and creating the life I have now. The flowers are beautiful. I’m glad I’m here.”

[Tif · Rating 2 out of 5]

This... uh, this was really hard for me to get through. I suppose I thought I would relate to it but other than a few generic points, nothing about this book worked for me. I wasn't a fan of the style or the way information was given. I've since looked into the author and... 😐

Anyway, I'm autistic and this book didn't work for me. I hope it helps other people.

[Shelby Reidle · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very informative and moving description of life with autism. Paige describes how her thoughts and experiences are shaped by autism, in a very visceral and creative way. The content is quite dark, as Paige details her struggles with mental health and social isolation even after being diagnosed with autism. I'm glad I read it, but I recommend it with caution due to the heavy topics covered.

[Serenity · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rating this based on how it made me feel, as I found so many of Paige's stories so relatable.

[Chantal · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5*
Raw, insightful, painful, and hopeful.

[Bri Kelly]

I’m growing more uncomfortable rating memoirs, because it is a story of that person’s truth and it’s not my place to judge it. TBH, before reading this I didn’t understand- or know about - the ways that autism can display in females. Good read.

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I went back and forth on whether to give this 5/5 for one reason; I'm concerned this book could seem to romanticize an autism diagnosis for those in the midst of their own search for answers. Or maybe I'm projecting.

How is she supposed to write about her diagnosis and the relief that came from it without readers ending up with a hope of some kind of diagnosis of their own (autism or otherwise)? No clue, I'm just the reviewer.

Regardless of my concerns, the info shared and myth busting done throughout this book is much needed in this time of SO MUCH mental health/general medical misinformation going around. I'd highly recommend this to anyone who has curiousites about Autism or hopes to better understand the life of someone diagnosed with it.