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Twenty
🎧Run Time = 7 hours and 4 minutes
At age 55, Meg's life is too filled with loss for her to remember what magic feels like. All she has left is a yard brimming with plants that are wilting in the scorching Iowa summer - and a bone-deep feeling that she's through with living.
Meg has something else too: a bottle of mysterious pills, given to her years ago by an empathetic doctor. He promised that they would offer her dying mother a quick, painless end in exactly 20 days. Though her mother never needed them, Meg does. But a strange thing happens after Meg swallows the little green pearls....
Now that she's decided to leave this world, Meg is rediscovering the joy in it. She sheds everything she no longer needs - possessions, regrets, guilt - and reconnects with those she cares for. Finally confronting the depth of her grief, she's learning that love runs deeper still. But is it too late to choose to stay?
“One of the most remarkable books I’ve ever read” ( Pamela Wallace ): As she struggles to come to terms with the loss in her life, 55-year-old Meg feels done — but after taking drastic measures, she wonders if she still has time for a second chance… Performed by an Earphones Award–winning narrator.
“Along with naming me Marguerite after her favorite daisy, Mama gave me three things: Red hair that hasn’t faded. A love of nature. And a belief that somewhere between heaven and earth there is magic.”
At age 55, Meg's life is too filled with loss for her to remember what magic feels like. All she has left is a yard brimming with plants that are wilting in the scorching Iowa summer - and a bone-deep feeling that she's through with living.
Meg has something else too: a bottle of mysterious pills, given to her years ago by an empathetic doctor. He promised that they would offer her dying mother a quick, painless end in exactly 20 days. Though her mother never needed them, Meg does. But a strange thing happens after Meg swallows the little green pearls....
Now that she's decided to leave this world, Meg is rediscovering the joy in it. She sheds everything she no longer needs - possessions, regrets, guilt - and reconnects with those she cares for. Finally confronting the depth of her grief, she's learning that love runs deeper still. But is it too late to choose to stay?
Audible Audio
First published January 28, 2020
About the author
Debra Landwehr Engle
19 books227 followersI grew up loving books. Some of my earliest memories are of trips to the grand old library in downtown Des Moines, where we'd pull book after book off the shelves in the children's section and carry them home with great anticipation. I still remember the feel of those books, and the smell of the pages and bindings that had been loosened and wrinkled by so many readers who loved the books as much as I did.
One of my sisters (I'm the youngest of six kids) and I had an ongoing contest to see who could read the most Newbery Award books. At the library, we'd pick up bookmarks that listed all the award winners, then we'd lose ourselves in Islands of the Blue Dolphins, Up a Road Slowly and A Wrinkle in Time.
Today, books continue to nourish me—as both a reader and author. I find that, when I write, I do exactly the same things as when I read: sink deep into a story, experience “ah-ha” moments that make me put the book down for a moment to catch my breath, and see myself and the world in new ways.
Years ago, in meditation, I suddenly had an image of myself sitting in front of a coffee table covered with books that I'd written or contributed to. This was before my first book was published, so I was VERY surprised (and intrigued!) to see those volumes, looking as if they already existed. I had the sense that writing them had been easy—that they had created themselves.
Now, several books later, I can tell you they weren't always easy:) But each had a reason for being written—-a story that needed to be told, an inspiration that insisted on being shared, a message that was determined to change the world.
I think of a book as the fulfillment of a contract between the author who follows her internal guidance, and the readers who select the book—hopefully with the same anticipation my sister and I had for those Newbery Award winners.
Books come about because, as writers and readers, we say yes to a seed of inspiration and then allow it to grow within us. "We read to know we're not alone," said C.S. Lewis’ character in Shadowlands. I’m happy, and infinitely grateful, to write for the same reason.
One of my sisters (I'm the youngest of six kids) and I had an ongoing contest to see who could read the most Newbery Award books. At the library, we'd pick up bookmarks that listed all the award winners, then we'd lose ourselves in Islands of the Blue Dolphins, Up a Road Slowly and A Wrinkle in Time.
Today, books continue to nourish me—as both a reader and author. I find that, when I write, I do exactly the same things as when I read: sink deep into a story, experience “ah-ha” moments that make me put the book down for a moment to catch my breath, and see myself and the world in new ways.
Years ago, in meditation, I suddenly had an image of myself sitting in front of a coffee table covered with books that I'd written or contributed to. This was before my first book was published, so I was VERY surprised (and intrigued!) to see those volumes, looking as if they already existed. I had the sense that writing them had been easy—that they had created themselves.
Now, several books later, I can tell you they weren't always easy:) But each had a reason for being written—-a story that needed to be told, an inspiration that insisted on being shared, a message that was determined to change the world.
I think of a book as the fulfillment of a contract between the author who follows her internal guidance, and the readers who select the book—hopefully with the same anticipation my sister and I had for those Newbery Award winners.
Books come about because, as writers and readers, we say yes to a seed of inspiration and then allow it to grow within us. "We read to know we're not alone," said C.S. Lewis’ character in Shadowlands. I’m happy, and infinitely grateful, to write for the same reason.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 277 reviews
January 30, 2020
TWENTY is a very interesting read. When a 55-year-old woman decides to take the pills a doctor gave her for her mother when her mother was at the end of her life, everything changes. The life the 55-year-old woman wanted to leave becomes the life she loves. I think this was an excellent book about death and the feelings death can bring. I believe this book will be a helping hand for many people.
January 13, 2020
I applied to review this book because the main character, Meg, aged 55, is close to my age and a majority of the books I read are younger main characters. I wanted to really connect with a character who felt she was tired of living, done with life, living in grief and depression, after having so many losses of loved ones throughout her life and just didn't see the point of going on day to day any more. When you take a hard look at your life like Meg did, you see the wonderful thing that it is. If you feel this way, no matter your age, this book shines a light on a change of perspective and how "life is precious, beautiful and mysterious even in its pain."(quote)
Meg makes you think about what would you miss about your life if you were dead? What do you enjoy about your life? What if you only had Twenty days left to live? This book gets very deep into these thoughts and wakes Meg up to how she has been drowning in her own life and grief.
Meg takes some mysterious green pearls provided by her deceased mom's doctor 5 years prior. They were supposed to help her mom pass painlessly in her sleep after 20 days, but Meg ended up not needing to give them to her mom as she finally passed from her illnesses. Once Meg takes the pills and starts cleaning out the house of all the stuff that's accumulated over the years so her sister isn't bombarded with the task, she starts to feel lighter and starts to let go of all the regrets and anger and grief that was swallowing her. She begins to question maybe she could have lived this way without taking those pearls.
A couple of my favorite quotes from the book:
"Why does life inspire us to be dishonest as though pretending or lying will make anything better? When you have nothing to lose, you realize how much easier everything is when you just tell the truth."
"Death is not an end, it is a beginning. When you live without fear of it, there is no shortage of moments."
My only negatives with this book were some slow chapters in the middle where Meg is revisiting many areas and experiences of her life.
I received this book free from The Review Crew for an honest review. Thank you!
Meg makes you think about what would you miss about your life if you were dead? What do you enjoy about your life? What if you only had Twenty days left to live? This book gets very deep into these thoughts and wakes Meg up to how she has been drowning in her own life and grief.
Meg takes some mysterious green pearls provided by her deceased mom's doctor 5 years prior. They were supposed to help her mom pass painlessly in her sleep after 20 days, but Meg ended up not needing to give them to her mom as she finally passed from her illnesses. Once Meg takes the pills and starts cleaning out the house of all the stuff that's accumulated over the years so her sister isn't bombarded with the task, she starts to feel lighter and starts to let go of all the regrets and anger and grief that was swallowing her. She begins to question maybe she could have lived this way without taking those pearls.
A couple of my favorite quotes from the book:
"Why does life inspire us to be dishonest as though pretending or lying will make anything better? When you have nothing to lose, you realize how much easier everything is when you just tell the truth."
"Death is not an end, it is a beginning. When you live without fear of it, there is no shortage of moments."
My only negatives with this book were some slow chapters in the middle where Meg is revisiting many areas and experiences of her life.
I received this book free from The Review Crew for an honest review. Thank you!
January 19, 2020
This novel moved me in so many ways. A deeply thought provoking novel about a woman who can't seem to find the joy in life anymore and would rather just end it all. I had to keep reading to know the end. A remarkable story.
Dawnny-BookGypsy
Novels N Latte
Hudson Valley NY
Dawnny-BookGypsy
Novels N Latte
Hudson Valley NY
November 1, 2019
I never review books but this one was amazing. My reaction after completion was a simple "WOW". Well written easy to read book that made me think about how I look at things. Will change anyone's perspective on life.
July 30, 2024
Twenty by new to me author Debra Landwehr Engle offers up a huge serving of Murphy’s Law and got me right in the feels. This story introduces the reader to Meg. At age fifty-five, she’s seen plenty of tragedy, loss and heartbreak in her life. Her father died when she was a child, her own child died at ten years old which also ended her marriage and five years ago, her beloved mother passed away. Her days run together between working at a flower shop and trying to keep the plants and flowers at her home alive during a horrific drought. She is fighting what feels like an uphill battle. Meg feels no joy and decides she is done with life.
Before her mother passed away, Meg went to her mother’s doctor for advice on making her mother’s suffering minimal. He gave her a bottle of pearl like pills that when taken would give her mother a pain free death in twenty days. Meg’s mother passed away before the pills were administered and they have been sitting in Meg’s freezer, almost forgotten, for the past five years.
Meg misses her parents and her daughter and wants to see them again. She doesn’t feel like she has anything good left to experience in this life and is done. She takes the pills and begins a journey of putting her house in order, literally and figuratively. Everything from cleaning out all the closets and the entire house and traveling to Seattle to see her sister and family one last time to seeing her ex-husband, Joe for clarity and closure. This story chronicles Meg’s days since taking the pills and the transformation that occurs in Meg’s life. Now that she has twenty days left, she begins to see the magic and beauty that can be found in life. She also wonders if the pills will really work.
I wondered the same thing or if the pills were just a placebo given to Meg by an empathetic doctor trying to give a woman peace of mind while caring for her dying mother. The pills have been sitting in a freezer all these years, so anything is possible.
I kept wondering what I would do if I knew I only had twenty days left. How would I spend that time? I admired Meg’s courage to confront her grief and deal with it once and for all, but I was also saddened that it took her decision to accelerate the time she has left to do it. I loved this story but it brought me no closure or easy answers, other than we all need to look outside of ourselves and chase after the magic and joy life has to offer before it’s too late.
The author does an amazing job of bringing Meg’s story to us. I felt so much empathy and compassion for this woman. I tried very hard not to judge her harshly, but I was so sad that she wanted to finish her life. I also loved the supporting characters of Meg’s ex-husband and her sister.
My Final Verdict: Overall, this is a very thought-provoking book that will make the reader feel all the feels as they walk this path with Meg. I highly recommend this story to readers of women’s fiction as well as readers that like stories that are multi-dimensional, where not everything is black or white, right or wrong.
Thank you to the publisher, Kensington Books, who provided an advance reader copy via NetGalley.
Before her mother passed away, Meg went to her mother’s doctor for advice on making her mother’s suffering minimal. He gave her a bottle of pearl like pills that when taken would give her mother a pain free death in twenty days. Meg’s mother passed away before the pills were administered and they have been sitting in Meg’s freezer, almost forgotten, for the past five years.
Meg misses her parents and her daughter and wants to see them again. She doesn’t feel like she has anything good left to experience in this life and is done. She takes the pills and begins a journey of putting her house in order, literally and figuratively. Everything from cleaning out all the closets and the entire house and traveling to Seattle to see her sister and family one last time to seeing her ex-husband, Joe for clarity and closure. This story chronicles Meg’s days since taking the pills and the transformation that occurs in Meg’s life. Now that she has twenty days left, she begins to see the magic and beauty that can be found in life. She also wonders if the pills will really work.
I wondered the same thing or if the pills were just a placebo given to Meg by an empathetic doctor trying to give a woman peace of mind while caring for her dying mother. The pills have been sitting in a freezer all these years, so anything is possible.
I kept wondering what I would do if I knew I only had twenty days left. How would I spend that time? I admired Meg’s courage to confront her grief and deal with it once and for all, but I was also saddened that it took her decision to accelerate the time she has left to do it. I loved this story but it brought me no closure or easy answers, other than we all need to look outside of ourselves and chase after the magic and joy life has to offer before it’s too late.
The author does an amazing job of bringing Meg’s story to us. I felt so much empathy and compassion for this woman. I tried very hard not to judge her harshly, but I was so sad that she wanted to finish her life. I also loved the supporting characters of Meg’s ex-husband and her sister.
My Final Verdict: Overall, this is a very thought-provoking book that will make the reader feel all the feels as they walk this path with Meg. I highly recommend this story to readers of women’s fiction as well as readers that like stories that are multi-dimensional, where not everything is black or white, right or wrong.
Thank you to the publisher, Kensington Books, who provided an advance reader copy via NetGalley.
August 9, 2019
A beautiful story about finding joy in life, even during a time of grief. Touching, reflective, and makes one consider what brings fulfillment. I've read many of Debra's non-fiction books and am grateful that she's brought her talents to fiction.
May 7, 2020
This is an emotion filled debut novel that leaves you with plenty to contemplate.
Meg has given up on life and love and decides to take these pills given to her by her ailing mothers doctor five years previous... pills that have the power after twenty days to permit you to pass peacefully into the hereafter... but her mother died without having taken the pills and while Meg is not certain that it is the right thing to do she takes them anyway
The author carefully takes you through Meg’s thought process as Meg, after having taken these deadly pills, uses her 20 days to prepare for her departure not wanting to leave her affairs to be sorted out by her sister.
She cleans closets of old clothes, cupboards of excess dishes, the basement of saved useless items. But she also calls old friends, sends long overdue thank yous, and lets go of old grudges. Doing all this gives her a new and uplifting perspective on life, love and what is truly important... but with no knowledge of what made up the deadly pills she took she knows of no way to find an antidote.
The author cleverly uses the weather and the environment to mirror Megs mindset. The dry parched summer weather leaves the plants and flowers withered and dying. Struggling to survive until either rain or cooler climes arrive the flora must reach deep into the earth to search for nourishment. Likewise Meg must search deep in her heart to find peace before her date with death if she is to resolve her unhappiness. She struggles with the guilt of the losses and failures in her life to date and must learn to first forgive herself.
Each chapter is one day closer to her twentieth day, when the effect of the pills will mature.
This is quite a character sketch that leaves you as torn up as Meg. You question what is right and wrong. Can forgiveness offer up a peaceful departure, and can you take back such a life altering decision or how do you graciously accept such grave consequences.
The author truly makes you feel as though you have moved through this process with Meg and raises your consciousness to contemplate each step along the way.
A very well designed plot, a thoughtful and moving journey and a beautifully delivered conclusion.
One of those books that should likely have mass appeal.
Meg has given up on life and love and decides to take these pills given to her by her ailing mothers doctor five years previous... pills that have the power after twenty days to permit you to pass peacefully into the hereafter... but her mother died without having taken the pills and while Meg is not certain that it is the right thing to do she takes them anyway
The author carefully takes you through Meg’s thought process as Meg, after having taken these deadly pills, uses her 20 days to prepare for her departure not wanting to leave her affairs to be sorted out by her sister.
She cleans closets of old clothes, cupboards of excess dishes, the basement of saved useless items. But she also calls old friends, sends long overdue thank yous, and lets go of old grudges. Doing all this gives her a new and uplifting perspective on life, love and what is truly important... but with no knowledge of what made up the deadly pills she took she knows of no way to find an antidote.
The author cleverly uses the weather and the environment to mirror Megs mindset. The dry parched summer weather leaves the plants and flowers withered and dying. Struggling to survive until either rain or cooler climes arrive the flora must reach deep into the earth to search for nourishment. Likewise Meg must search deep in her heart to find peace before her date with death if she is to resolve her unhappiness. She struggles with the guilt of the losses and failures in her life to date and must learn to first forgive herself.
Each chapter is one day closer to her twentieth day, when the effect of the pills will mature.
This is quite a character sketch that leaves you as torn up as Meg. You question what is right and wrong. Can forgiveness offer up a peaceful departure, and can you take back such a life altering decision or how do you graciously accept such grave consequences.
The author truly makes you feel as though you have moved through this process with Meg and raises your consciousness to contemplate each step along the way.
A very well designed plot, a thoughtful and moving journey and a beautifully delivered conclusion.
One of those books that should likely have mass appeal.
January 10, 2020
Twenty is a well written, easy to read story of a middle aged woman who's had enough of her lonely life. I jumped back and forth wondering if I should feel sad or joyful, just as the main character, Meg felt during her twenty days of reflection on her life. It's hard to talk about this book without giving too much away, but what I can say is that this is a wonderful reading experience, filled with both joy and sadness.
Many thanks to Kensington Publishing and Netgalley for an advanced copy in return for an honest review.
Many thanks to Kensington Publishing and Netgalley for an advanced copy in return for an honest review.
August 30, 2019
Debra's writing is so lovely-lyrical, beautiful metaphors, and thoughtful. She does a great job inviting you into the scene, makes it easy to connect to the protagonist's world and her process. In addition, the book offers a look into the question, "what if?" and "what makes life worth living?" It reads easily and kept me engaged to the end.
November 27, 2019
I have conflicting feelings about this read and to be honest, I've set aside some a box of tissues thinking water works were going to happen but I was left utterly disappointed. Meg's story just seemed rushed and I was left skimming the pages hoping to find something worthwhile but ultimately this became nothing more than your generic mediocre read. The only thing I could applaud in this novel was the ending. It was open ended and it best suited for this type of storyline, otherwise it's definitely not something to write home about.
July 19, 2021
Meg is a 55 year old woman who after many tragic events in life lost all her will to live and takes some pearls after which she is supposed to die in 20 days.
I think the idea is great. I also like the writing. When it comes to Meg it describes her life, relationships and grief really well. My one issue, and for this book it is a big issue, is that I had trouble figuring out what made her rediscover her love for life again? Just the thought that it will be over soon? Very likely, we usually start cherish what we lose more than what we have. But I just couldn't feel it. I do think that this book will be understood much better by a person who recently lost somebody important in life.
I think the idea is great. I also like the writing. When it comes to Meg it describes her life, relationships and grief really well. My one issue, and for this book it is a big issue, is that I had trouble figuring out what made her rediscover her love for life again? Just the thought that it will be over soon? Very likely, we usually start cherish what we lose more than what we have. But I just couldn't feel it. I do think that this book will be understood much better by a person who recently lost somebody important in life.
January 13, 2020
This was an unusual and remarkable book-- easy-to-read but full of depth, simple but lyrical, profoundly sad but also joyous. I could have easily read it in one sitting, but didn't want to know how it ended, so I put off reading the last few pages as long as I could.
I loved the first person narrative-- it was more like reading a memoir than a piece of fiction. I felt every emotion that Meg experienced, from the emptiness and defeat to the sheer joy at the beauty surrounding her. Her recollections and observations gave me a clear picture of the kind of woman she was and the kind of life she had lived, and I felt as though I could relate to her despite having very little in common.
Especially towards the end of the book, I found myself highlighting quotes to remember later. When Meg mused that "Maybe the worst thing that can happen is to not live the life you're given, to let guilt and anger steal your life from you," I had to stop reading and write those words on my heart. How often do we let our pain and our past steal moments from our lives? How often do we spend time mourning what could have been, or should have been, and miss what's right in front of us?
This was a beautiful, thought-provoking piece of fiction that is much more than the quick read it appears to be. It will stay with you long after you finish reading it, and you'll find yourself looking at a brighter, more colorful world when you're done.
I loved the first person narrative-- it was more like reading a memoir than a piece of fiction. I felt every emotion that Meg experienced, from the emptiness and defeat to the sheer joy at the beauty surrounding her. Her recollections and observations gave me a clear picture of the kind of woman she was and the kind of life she had lived, and I felt as though I could relate to her despite having very little in common.
Especially towards the end of the book, I found myself highlighting quotes to remember later. When Meg mused that "Maybe the worst thing that can happen is to not live the life you're given, to let guilt and anger steal your life from you," I had to stop reading and write those words on my heart. How often do we let our pain and our past steal moments from our lives? How often do we spend time mourning what could have been, or should have been, and miss what's right in front of us?
This was a beautiful, thought-provoking piece of fiction that is much more than the quick read it appears to be. It will stay with you long after you finish reading it, and you'll find yourself looking at a brighter, more colorful world when you're done.
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March 12, 2020I have a love-hate relationship with this book. I don’t even know why I have this book. Was it one of you? Did you wax poetic about this book?
It was such an easy read, it was beautifully written, and it literally had me hooked. With that being said I am absolutely not a fan of the subject matter.
I felt the book started out a little bit Marie Kondo like. Then it smoothly transitioned to a little bit 🎵I can see clearly now the rain has gone🎵 with shades of Tim McGraw’s 🎵Live Like You You Were Dying🎵. I was a fan of every character. I was most definitely not a fan of our protagonist’s actions. With that being said I was never in her situation and if she did what I think I would have done I guess there really wouldn’t be a need for this book would there?
There is a beautiful message within the pages of this book. Some of you may really need to hear it.
I honestly don’t think I can rate this book. I love the book but did not like reading about the subject matter. This has never happened to me before 🤷🏻♀️
March 6, 2020
3.5*. I feel at peace finishing this book, much like Meg did. I simultaneously wish there was more to the ending, to know what happens, while also being okay with how it ended knowing it would have been happy either way. This book is all about trying to teach us to see the beauty in life while you’re still living it instead of waiting to your final days to realize it. Meg made me want to go out and buy big bright flowers for the house, and to spend every minute I can playing with daughter and making her laugh. It’s a book about death and dying, from start to finish, and yet so many parts are about joy too.
January 19, 2020
Some readers will be able to relate with the book 'Twenty', some will find it frustrating, and others may feel it is incredible.. bur all will be curious and captivated by it, throughout the story!
This is a very well-written book which keeps the reader guessing.
It will stir up several emotions. Even when it gets frustrating, curiosity will keep the reader reading.
This is a book many of us, who has experienced, loss, loneliness, and a feeling of void in one's life, will easily relate to. The way she deals with it will be determined by the reader is wise or unwise.
The characters are very realistic and are endearing. The scenes are easily visualized.
The Tile becomes very apparent part way through the book and is very fitting. The cober image is also eye-catching and fitting.
This was gifted me, no promise of a positive review. This is my honest review.
This is a very well-written book which keeps the reader guessing.
It will stir up several emotions. Even when it gets frustrating, curiosity will keep the reader reading.
This is a book many of us, who has experienced, loss, loneliness, and a feeling of void in one's life, will easily relate to. The way she deals with it will be determined by the reader is wise or unwise.
The characters are very realistic and are endearing. The scenes are easily visualized.
The Tile becomes very apparent part way through the book and is very fitting. The cober image is also eye-catching and fitting.
This was gifted me, no promise of a positive review. This is my honest review.
February 3, 2020
This story touched my heart in so many ways, I found it to be a story of hope, grief and disillusionment and love. This book made you really stop and think what you might do in the same situation. Can something that has been done, been undone? Only time will tell. I found the premise of the story very different yet and enjoyable read. I personally believe anyone that reads the book can take something from the book. I received the book from the Publishing Company, and this is my honest review. This is one of the times I wish there were a half star rating, for me this would rate a 4.5 stars.
March 2, 2020
A very inspirational story about life, grief, and love. It’s about how we can find happiness in the littlest of things when we think our days are numbered. In this story that number is 20. In the process of tying up loose ends Meg experiences a lightness of heart, learns to let go of her grief, and how to love again.
January 2, 2020
Twenty by Debra Landwehr Engle is one of the most unusual books I have read and nearly impossible to classify. It is fiction but what kind? It has the ear markings of chic lit with a bit of romance, it is in a way a sort of supplementary guide to mindful thinking and it could even be looked on as a retelling of A Christmas Carol set in summertime. Mostly it is a great story.
Meg is a 55 year old woman who has suffered great loss in her life. Her sister is married and lives with her family across the country, her only child born after several miscarriages died in a freak accident. The grief from her daughter's death broke her marriage. Then her mother whom she cared for until the end also died. It has been a hot miserable Summer so Meg's one last great joy-her flower garden is wilting and slowly dying. Meg feels a deep hopelessness of there being nothing for her left in this world. Then she remembers the magical pills.
When her mother was failing fast and her pain was beyond treatment, her mother's doctor gave Meg 20 magical green pills left from his days in the military. Taken one a day over 20 days, they would supposedly bring great peace to the patient and lead to a peaceful quiet death. As it turned out, Meg didn't need to use them for her mother as she died quickly, but Meg had saved the pills.
Meg got them out of the freezer and began the 20 day countdown. This is what the book is about as readers follow Meg through those supposed last days of her life. Along her journey it is interesting to see what things became priorities.
For me, it was the perfect way to start my 2020 reading.
I received a review copy of this book.
Meg is a 55 year old woman who has suffered great loss in her life. Her sister is married and lives with her family across the country, her only child born after several miscarriages died in a freak accident. The grief from her daughter's death broke her marriage. Then her mother whom she cared for until the end also died. It has been a hot miserable Summer so Meg's one last great joy-her flower garden is wilting and slowly dying. Meg feels a deep hopelessness of there being nothing for her left in this world. Then she remembers the magical pills.
When her mother was failing fast and her pain was beyond treatment, her mother's doctor gave Meg 20 magical green pills left from his days in the military. Taken one a day over 20 days, they would supposedly bring great peace to the patient and lead to a peaceful quiet death. As it turned out, Meg didn't need to use them for her mother as she died quickly, but Meg had saved the pills.
Meg got them out of the freezer and began the 20 day countdown. This is what the book is about as readers follow Meg through those supposed last days of her life. Along her journey it is interesting to see what things became priorities.
For me, it was the perfect way to start my 2020 reading.
I received a review copy of this book.
January 1, 2020
Simply beautiful. A reminder about what it means to live in the moment, to find the joy all around you each and every day.
When Meg loses her young daughter, and then her husband, and finally her mother, she begins to function on autopilot. Just going through the motions of life, not truly taking pleasure in anything. Eventually she decides that she’s done. So she decides to end her life, but in a most unusual way. She has twenty days to live. Twenty days to get her affairs in order, wrap things up, leave no loose ends. But what she discovers about herself, and life, in those twenty days makes her second guess her decision.
This is such a deeply moving story, the perfect one to kick off the new year!
When Meg loses her young daughter, and then her husband, and finally her mother, she begins to function on autopilot. Just going through the motions of life, not truly taking pleasure in anything. Eventually she decides that she’s done. So she decides to end her life, but in a most unusual way. She has twenty days to live. Twenty days to get her affairs in order, wrap things up, leave no loose ends. But what she discovers about herself, and life, in those twenty days makes her second guess her decision.
This is such a deeply moving story, the perfect one to kick off the new year!
February 15, 2021
Excellent, excellent, excellent!
January 28, 2020
Imagine if you take a substance that will end your life in twenty days. Twenty is a fictional story of Marguerite, a.k.a. Meg, who makes that decision and the subsequent physical and psychological ramifications of that choice. The story takes place in Iowa during the summer, and it is told from the first-person point of view over a period of twenty days. Debra Landwehr Engle makes excellent use of scene transitions when she switches between present experiences and background events that lead to Meg choosing to end her earthly life. As the days go by, Meg oscillates between feelings of regret and looking forward to seeing family members who have passed away. Readers get an in-depth look into Meg’s emotional reactions to circumstances in both the past and present times.
A thought-provoking book that raises philosophical questions about ending life on one’s own terms and the push-pull dynamic of anxiety and relief that goes along with it. Will the pills work as expected? What needs to be done to prepare for the last days on earth? What should one do to make it easier for the family members who are left behind? Does one tell family members and friends about taking the pills? Is there an antidote? Will day twenty bring life or death?
Engle provides twelve discussion questions at the end of the book that will stimulate readers’ own ideas not only with regard to the ethical dilemma of the right to die but also in regard to the emotional fluctuations experienced by someone who has twenty days left to live with their decision. An interesting book to talk about in a book club and/or with friends and family members.
A thought-provoking book that raises philosophical questions about ending life on one’s own terms and the push-pull dynamic of anxiety and relief that goes along with it. Will the pills work as expected? What needs to be done to prepare for the last days on earth? What should one do to make it easier for the family members who are left behind? Does one tell family members and friends about taking the pills? Is there an antidote? Will day twenty bring life or death?
Engle provides twelve discussion questions at the end of the book that will stimulate readers’ own ideas not only with regard to the ethical dilemma of the right to die but also in regard to the emotional fluctuations experienced by someone who has twenty days left to live with their decision. An interesting book to talk about in a book club and/or with friends and family members.
January 5, 2020
4.5 stars - Thank you to the publisher, author, and Goodreads for this ARC which I won in a Goodreads giveaway.
I really liked this quick read filled with emotion, some magical realism, and a bit of spiritual awakening. It's an easy read with a relatable main character and a realistic premise. It questions what makes life worth living?
The story is narrated by 55 year old Meg, whose grief and loneliness are the catalysts for her to decide to end her life. As she says in the first chapter, she's just DONE. So she takes pills that will supposedly do the deed in 20 days. Knowing she has just 20 days to put her affairs in order she sets about to organize things for those she'll leave behind, reflecting on the past, and reconnecting with loved ones. Her transformation during those 20 days is a beautiful thing to behold - step by small step her outlook is changed.
The writing is wonderful - action and flashbacks mesh together to create a perfect pace as the countdown to Day 20 begins. Meg's grief and anger at life's unexpected twists and turns comes across as very relatable to those who've recently had loved ones pass away. Her bravery is inspirational. For those having a crisis of faith, a scene near the end may seem a little too simplistic, but for me, it rang true.
My only complaint is the ending. I don't want to spoil it, but I think it could've been written in a different way.
I really liked this quick read filled with emotion, some magical realism, and a bit of spiritual awakening. It's an easy read with a relatable main character and a realistic premise. It questions what makes life worth living?
The story is narrated by 55 year old Meg, whose grief and loneliness are the catalysts for her to decide to end her life. As she says in the first chapter, she's just DONE. So she takes pills that will supposedly do the deed in 20 days. Knowing she has just 20 days to put her affairs in order she sets about to organize things for those she'll leave behind, reflecting on the past, and reconnecting with loved ones. Her transformation during those 20 days is a beautiful thing to behold - step by small step her outlook is changed.
The writing is wonderful - action and flashbacks mesh together to create a perfect pace as the countdown to Day 20 begins. Meg's grief and anger at life's unexpected twists and turns comes across as very relatable to those who've recently had loved ones pass away. Her bravery is inspirational. For those having a crisis of faith, a scene near the end may seem a little too simplistic, but for me, it rang true.
My only complaint is the ending. I don't want to spoil it, but I think it could've been written in a different way.
January 28, 2020
This book is written like a 20 day diary as we follow the main character, Meg through 20 days of her life. Having gone through tragedy after tragedy and even with the death of her mother and trying to revitalize her gardens she fails to a drought ridden state and now she feels what's the use. She's had enough and doesn't want to go on this way. So having been given special pills meant to ease her dying mother's pain so she could go peacefully, she feels this is the way to go. She still had the pills which will give her 20 days, since she hadn't had to use them on her mother, her mother passed without them. But the pills are years old and Meg is unsure if they will work as they were supposed to. So, we follow Meg on her 20 day journey of self-reflection, introspection and new insights. And she starts to have second thoughts as each day seems to get better and better for her. But she took the pills. Will Meg die in 20 days? No spoiler here. This is a very different genre than what I usually read, but I found myself drawn to the end. I received and ARC for this book but the opinions expressed here are strictly my own.
February 9, 2020
I wanted to read this book from the moment it became available and I read the synopsis. Here’s why...Meg, the main character is 55 years old, has suffered tremendous loss and pain and has decided she has nothing left to live for. I identify with Meg. I’m 55 years old and have felt the same way. I thought by reading this book I would get some answers. And I did. Although a fictional character, Meg makes you think about what life is really all about and what you would miss if you were gone.
After taking 20 little green pills, Meg has 20 days left to live, so she has decided to declutter her house, let go of her loss, regrets, grief and anger and has started looking at life in a whole new light. She begins to see the beauty and joy of life all around her.
There is a wonderful message about the joy of living in this story. It is also inspirational and gave me a kind of spiritual awakening. It was definitely a thought provoking quick read. I couldn’t put it down because I had to know what was going to happen in end.
My only complaint is the ending. I think it could have been written differently (because it left me without closure) so I’m hoping there is a sequel.
I received this book from the publisher. All opinions are my own.
After taking 20 little green pills, Meg has 20 days left to live, so she has decided to declutter her house, let go of her loss, regrets, grief and anger and has started looking at life in a whole new light. She begins to see the beauty and joy of life all around her.
There is a wonderful message about the joy of living in this story. It is also inspirational and gave me a kind of spiritual awakening. It was definitely a thought provoking quick read. I couldn’t put it down because I had to know what was going to happen in end.
My only complaint is the ending. I think it could have been written differently (because it left me without closure) so I’m hoping there is a sequel.
I received this book from the publisher. All opinions are my own.
February 9, 2020
If you're looking for a great book to read for book club, choose this book! It's a fast read with so many thoughtful ideas and topics to talk about with others. Written over a 20 day span, this is the story of finding life after giving up. One of the most important ideas of the story is realizing it's never to late to take charge of your life and do all the things you never feel you have time for, or will do later, or are afraid to do. Our tomorrow's aren't promised, so what are we doing to have the best life today?
Told through the eyes of Meg, we learn of her past heartache and loss, and discover how tough life is perceived to be through her eyes. She takes her future into her own hands and ingests medicinal pearls given to her years before which promise to give her 20 days to finish life as she sees fit, and then... the end. But will it be the end, maybe the pearls no longer work, what should she expect, what does the end really mean? You'll find yourself being thoughtful while reading, connecting with the characters, and wondering what you might do in the same situation.
Told through the eyes of Meg, we learn of her past heartache and loss, and discover how tough life is perceived to be through her eyes. She takes her future into her own hands and ingests medicinal pearls given to her years before which promise to give her 20 days to finish life as she sees fit, and then... the end. But will it be the end, maybe the pearls no longer work, what should she expect, what does the end really mean? You'll find yourself being thoughtful while reading, connecting with the characters, and wondering what you might do in the same situation.
January 16, 2020
Marguerite is simply done. Her mother is dead. Her daughter is dead. Even her plants are dead. And in twenty days, she will be dead too. The story of the last 20 days of Marguerite's life is presented in a very plain straight forward manner. It is obvious that she is severely depressed and at first is very comfortable with her choice. But during the time that she has left, she is faced with the question of whether this was the right choice. Heavy in nostalgia, as most of the book was full of memories as she cleans out her house, and a bit heavy on spiritualism near the end, the book is a quick but not light read. Unlike how I have felt about most books recently, I wish this book had been a bit longer, a bit more in depth. I wanted to get to know Marguerite a bit more! 20 days wasn't enough time.
Thanks to Cozy Mystery Review Crew for a copy of the book. This review is my own opinion.
Thanks to Cozy Mystery Review Crew for a copy of the book. This review is my own opinion.
May 8, 2020
This book has an interesting plot and one that leads the reader to question "What if"more than once. The main character, Meg, is middle-aged and has come to a bittersweet conclusion that life holds nothing but sorrow for her. She possesses pills that were given to her ailing mother years ago. The pills promise a peaceful death twenty days after taking them.
Here's my question for you: would you take them?
What happens if after taking them, you discover that maybe, just maybe, life isn't that bad?
This book arrived at a time when I was facing some ominous and frightening health problems so death was something that I didn't want to think about, much less read about. Oddly enough, there is a bit of hope within the pages of this book.
Before wrapping this up...isn't that cover delightful to look at??? It just makes me happy to look at it!
I received a copy of this book from the Between the Chapters Group. All opinions are my own. @kensingtonbooks @debralandwehrengle #TwentyTheNovel
Here's my question for you: would you take them?
What happens if after taking them, you discover that maybe, just maybe, life isn't that bad?
This book arrived at a time when I was facing some ominous and frightening health problems so death was something that I didn't want to think about, much less read about. Oddly enough, there is a bit of hope within the pages of this book.
Before wrapping this up...isn't that cover delightful to look at??? It just makes me happy to look at it!
I received a copy of this book from the Between the Chapters Group. All opinions are my own. @kensingtonbooks @debralandwehrengle #TwentyTheNovel
May 29, 2020
Meg is sad and feels empty after the loss of her mother, her daughter and her marriage. She decides she doesn’t want to live anymore and takes little green pills given to her by her mother’s doctor when she was dying. These pills were to help her mother pass painlessly and comfortably on the 20th day of taking them. She never needed to give them to her mother so she decides to use them herself. Reading this book can raise questions as to what we would do. What would you do if you only had “Twenty” days to live? Would you get your affairs in order? Would you visit family and friends? Would you forgive and just love? Would you spend as much time as possible with loved ones? A very though provoking book but in the end I wanted more. I wanted to know if she was dreaming or did she live or die? I received an ARC of this book in exchange for my own honest review.
Patricia Fayo Reviews
Novels N Latte
Hudson Valley girls
Patricia Fayo Reviews
Novels N Latte
Hudson Valley girls
November 16, 2019
What a wonderful, unusual story of a middle aged woman as Meg reflects on her life and reconciles her life. Meg takes some medication given to her for her mother who had passed away 5 years before by her mother’s doctor. This medication supposedly help one to slip into death easily in 20 days. She takes it not knowing if it is still viable.
Meg then decides to start to do a thorough cleansing of her home. She comes across pictures, letters, cards and items saved by her mother, herself and other family members.
Suddenly thing begin to change in her mind, her appearance, and old family, friends, and people she has known but not seen in awhile begging reappearing into her life.
I recommend this book to everyone to read.
Meg then decides to start to do a thorough cleansing of her home. She comes across pictures, letters, cards and items saved by her mother, herself and other family members.
Suddenly thing begin to change in her mind, her appearance, and old family, friends, and people she has known but not seen in awhile begging reappearing into her life.
I recommend this book to everyone to read.
July 31, 2020
What would you do if you only have twenty days left to live? Maybe you’re not dying, necessarily, but you’re so miserable that you can’t see living anymore. That’s what Meg is doing. Her dad died, her daughter died and her mom died. There just didn’t seem any reason to keep on going. She takes a drug that will make her dead in twenty days. During the twenty days she gets her house organized, visits some people that she wanted to and finds so many good things that there are still to see. Then she gets her husband back, right before she’s going to die. I really appreciated her insights and memories that made her see what life is really all about.
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