So Compassionate It Hurts: My Life as a Rabbi on the Spectrum

by Tzemah Yoreh

My name is Tzemah Yoreh, and I am a congregational rabbi on the autism spectrum.

How is that possible? How can I thrive in a profession that is pastoral, that rewards extroversion, that seems mostly for those who intuitively grasp social dynamics?

It's rare that I can understand the emotions and dynamics of my closest family members, let alone a room full of people whom I know only peripherally. And yet I have thrived in my role as a rabbi.

Along with the deficits of being on the spectrum, there are precious gifts that being neuroatypical bequeath me. But, to be honest, it took me a while to find them. In So Compassionate it My Life as a Rabbi on the Spectrum, I share my personal journey of being a religious leader on the spectrum, how I've used my gifts to positively impact my congregation (and, in turn, myself), and stories that I hope can inspire those with similar challenges to keep pushing and pursue their passions.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Spirituality, Judaism, Biography Memoir, Disability, Autistic Spectrum Disorder

Audible Audio

Published September 18, 2024

About the author

Tzemah Yoreh is one of the intellectual leaders of Jewish humanism and the head of the City Congregation in New York city. He attended the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, where he obtained his Ph.D. in biblical criticism in 2004. He earned a second Ph.D. in Ancient Wisdom Literature from the University of Toronto for the joy of studying ancient text. As a community leader on the spectrum, he is a passionate advocate for the inclusion of the neuro-atypical in the Jewish community and beyond.

Reviews

[TL *Humaning the Best She Can* · Rating 3 out of 5]

*Read for free with Kindle Unlimited *

Trigger warnings ⚠️: mentions of miscarriage, mentions of the pandemic
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I enjoyed reading about his life and how navigated everything being autistic. He expresses himself wonderfully and it feels like a breath of fresh air in a way.

I had the same attitude towards certain aspects of church growing up and wasn't sure why.
The "regulars" of the church would give you dirty looks if you didn't make it into church every Sunday. Didn't seem very "Christian" to me. Plus, the gossiping and other attitudes, one that affected my dad when he clashed with the one minister (though, him being autistic too explains a few things).

I am more spiritual than religious, is how I describe myself. I believe there's something but I can't really put words in to describe it.

I wouldn't mind sitting down and chatting with him about different things.

I did skip the sermons, just not for me (
*shrugs*

[Andi · Rating 3 out of 5]

So, this one is hard for me to review. I was super excited when it first arrived in the mail. It appeared to have been sent personally by the author and is even signed. 😎 I showed it off to everyone in the house. The cover is gorgeous colors and SO soft. It's a visually appealing book.

I didn't know quite what to expect out of this book, but I didn't anticipate finding an author that is completely against God. Does this feed in to where we are in the Bible right now? Maybe. Will the author come to know God? I truly do hope so. It saddens me to have God spoken of as a myth. The Jews' plight has been a difficult one and I have to rely on the promise of their redemption that the Bible speaks of.

I also wish I hadn't misplaced my notebook while reading this so I would have kept notes. I remember relating to a lot of places in it. If I'm not on the spectrum myself, it would truly surprise me. Some thought my dad probably was as well. I'll probably never know. I truly believe the author is of good moral character because I know how strongly my own conviction is in this area and so many areas of the book linked up inner feelings between him and I. There are a couple places in the book I felt he was trying to get a deeper point across, but I'm betting the words aren't "translating" the same for me.

Who should read this? Someone who will not be swayed by "God is myth" mentality. This book, in a way, is a love story about his wife and children. Not overly so though. I enjoyed it mostly. I wouldn't have given it above 1 star if I didn't relate in some ways and/or enjoy the writing. But how can I rate it higher when it kind of denounces God in a way?

[Matt · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful memoir of the struggles and success of a neuroatypical community leader.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I approached this book with little idea of what it might offer. What I found was a very clever and enjoyable writing style with some sentences and ideas that I practically want to frame. I also enjoyed reading about Rabbi Yoreh's life and the places he has been. I also appreciated his main message of compassion and how nurturing it in himself and his congregation has been. Yes, it's an odd little book in some ways but I think we can take that as a charming reminder of who he is.
I'm going to recommend this to book clubs--Jewish book clubs in particular--because there is plenty of good fodder to spark discussion.
And then there is his poetry and the poetry of others. That adds another note to this work and will be appreciated by many readers.

Thank you to NetGalley for an advance copy of this book. And also, thank you to my daughter who is also a NetGalley reviewer and drew my attention to this book.

[❥ ⋆ ❥ cooourt ❥ ⋆ ❥ · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have a hard time rating memoirs because I think they all deserve 5 stars as it’s not my story to rate… but anyways, this wasn’t so good that it’s on my favorites list but the author did an excellent job sharing their perspective in a clear, readable, way that kept me reading more. I do wish they went on to share more rather than share several sermons, however I connected with the author enough that I read them. A few related back to some of the anecdotes shared in the story, so I also understand the reasoning for using those to close out the book.

As a note, read a few reviews that seemed to be looking for more of a religious take or something, and wanted to be clear that I was reading from the perspective of learning about a person who has Autism through a Jewish lens, but wasn’t looking for a guide or anything to inform my own practice. While this author is not religious, there are still many touch points that are distinctly recognizable as Jewish, so if you can get over your own needs for G-d to be real, and just see it as a different perspective and/or read it for the larger Jewish aspects beyond G-d specific religion, it was very relatable and interesting.

[Elora Orazio · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was drawn to this book to better understand some of the high achieving people in my life who are on the spectrum and to hear a story through the lens of someone with similar characteristics. Part of this book met that need and stayed true to the thesis, but I found it to wander and lose track of the story of a rabbi on the spectrum. Sections repeated each other and many of the most significant points seem to be buried.

While imperfect, I still recommend reading So Compassionate It Hurts. The are reasonably insightful moments and I quite enjoyed the humanist perspective to organized religion, a system to which I do not participate.

I received a copy of So Compassionate It Hurts as a Goodreads Giveaway.

[Anne Jisca · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book!! It’s unique in its style and, sometimes, randomness. But I loved getting a glimpse into the mind and life of an autistic man who grew up in religion and is now a humanist. As someone also raised in strict religion, who became a full time committed member, but is now a humanist, I just find it so fascinating. As a mom to a child who may be on the spectrum, it’s also a very helpful read and insights.

This book will not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I personally quite liked it! I find it an encouragement to just be who I am, and to let life bring a community that will accept me for me.

#SoCompassionateitHurts #NetGalley

[Ell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is interesting and quite unique. It’s written by a Rabi who happens to be on the autism disorder spectrum (previously he would have been known as having Asperger’s). I enjoyed the authors account of what life has been like for him as a high functioning autistic man. He lays bare both the struggles and the gifts. Although I felt the latter part of the book didn’t quite match the rest of the book, I liked it all. It’s different. It’s fresh. And if you or a loved one is a high functioning autistic, it’s entirely relatable. Kudos to the author and the publisher!

[Fanchen Bao · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book from a free giveaway.

The book itself is three stars. The extra star is for what the author strives to achieve: spread the important lessons of religion without being bound by the limitation of the religious text itself.

I enjoy the three sermons at the end of the book, especially the author's treatment of people of different opinions. However, the same could not be said about the final chapter on poetry, which didn't resonate with me. I suppose it is more reflective of my ambivalence to poetry than anything else.

[Shana · Rating 3 out of 5]

***Thanks to NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for my honest review***

Rabbi Tzemah Yoreh is exactly the kind of person I would want to have as my teacher and fellow explorer of spirituality and meaning-making. The seeming contradictions he embodies position him well to be able to grapple with some of the toughest topics we humans grapple with in our existence. He makes his case effectively, with humor, and obvious intelligence.

[Susan Averbach · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartfelt sharing!

I recommend this book to all humans who can read! Tzemah Yoreh generously offers us the story of his struggles and development, ultimately leading to his role as a husband, father, scholar, rabbi, and all-round compassionate human being. We can all learn to be more open and honest and, most importantly, kind.

[Miranda Montiel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I opened this book not knowing what to expect. It was written with such an open heart and opened my eyes to a different world living within my own. It presented an understanding of something I know little about and experiences I can not even begin to comprehend. I highly recommend!

[char · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm sure there's a reason Rabbi Yoreh wrote this book the way he did, but it comes off as so defensive on so many levels - for his autism (and his son's autism), for his atheism, for his humanistic congregation, for his love of poetry - that it all gets pretty sad after a while.

[Marina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed entering the mind of this uniquely gifted man.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought that it was wonderful. I greatly enjoyed it. It was a different perspective, I would definitely recommend it.

[Thomas Johnston · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really good read! He blends humor, sincerity, and strong interpretations on the Bible. I recommend this book for those who want a dive into Jewish humanism.

[Cindy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received a signed copy of 'So Compassionate it Hurts: My Life as a Rabbi on the Spectrum' by Tzemah Yoreh from Goodreads sometime after its publication date in late 2022. The book stayed in my TBR pile until now. I did look forward to reading it as I often read about individuals on the spectrum. I have an invested interest since I have a younger relation on the spectrum. My curiosity was piqued as to how someone on the spectrum would fare in the role of a rabbi. While the book was interesting, I was a bit surprised. The author describes himself as an atheist. While I do not entirely understand all Jewish tenants, I cannot fit his role as a rabbi with denouncing God. Other than failing to fully follow his beliefs, I do see how the author's autism does enhance his compassion. He tells it as he sees it, he doesn't pretend to be something he isn't, he shares by nature and he embraces difference because he feels different. Tzemah Yoreh's short chapters made the book an easy read even if I struggled with some of the concepts. I enjoyed the poetical interpretations and some of the familiar biblical text. Overall, while the book really wasn't for me, I would recommend it to someone on the spectrum or someone exploring the precepts of compassion. Thanks to Goodreads, Tzemah Yoreh, and Modern Scriptures Publishing for getting a copy in my hands and exposing me to these views.