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Raising Girls Who Like Themselves
Nearly one in five girls aged 16-17 years meet the clinical criteria for depression.
One in fourteen young Australians (7%) aged 4-17 experienced an anxiety disorder.
These figures only get worse as our girls age with one in three women in Australia experiencing anxiety.
This indispensable guide will provide the tools to raising a girl who is happy and confident. Because when you raise a girl who likes herself, everything else follows.
> She will strive for excellence because she has faith in her ability to achieve it and the
confidence to pick herself up.
> She will nurture her physical and mental health because it's natural to care for something you love.
> She will insist on healthy relationships because she believes she deserves nothing less.
> She will be joyful and secure, knowing that her greatest friend and most capable ally is herself.
Packed with practical, evidence-based advice, Raising Girls Who Like Themselves details the seven qualities that enable girls to thrive and arm themselves against a world that tells them they are flawed.
1. A girl who likes herself has a power perspective
2. A girl who likes herself has body confidence
3. A girl who likes herself owns her body
4. A girl who likes herself is calm
5. A girl who likes herself is independent and masterful
6. A girl who likes herself has strong relationships
7. A girl who likes herself is herself
Free of parental guilt and grounded in research, Raising Girls Who Like Themselves is imbued with the warmth and wit of a mum and dad who are in the same parenting trenches as you, fighting for their daughters' futures.
'Relatable + Practical + Real.' DANA KERFORD, URSTRONG
'A remarkable resource for mums and dads alike.' SARAH MCMAHON, BODYMATTERS AUSTRALASIA
'An indispensable guide.' BETTER READING
PLEASE When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
One in fourteen young Australians (7%) aged 4-17 experienced an anxiety disorder.
These figures only get worse as our girls age with one in three women in Australia experiencing anxiety.
This indispensable guide will provide the tools to raising a girl who is happy and confident. Because when you raise a girl who likes herself, everything else follows.
> She will strive for excellence because she has faith in her ability to achieve it and the
confidence to pick herself up.
> She will nurture her physical and mental health because it's natural to care for something you love.
> She will insist on healthy relationships because she believes she deserves nothing less.
> She will be joyful and secure, knowing that her greatest friend and most capable ally is herself.
Packed with practical, evidence-based advice, Raising Girls Who Like Themselves details the seven qualities that enable girls to thrive and arm themselves against a world that tells them they are flawed.
1. A girl who likes herself has a power perspective
2. A girl who likes herself has body confidence
3. A girl who likes herself owns her body
4. A girl who likes herself is calm
5. A girl who likes herself is independent and masterful
6. A girl who likes herself has strong relationships
7. A girl who likes herself is herself
Free of parental guilt and grounded in research, Raising Girls Who Like Themselves is imbued with the warmth and wit of a mum and dad who are in the same parenting trenches as you, fighting for their daughters' futures.
'Relatable + Practical + Real.' DANA KERFORD, URSTRONG
'A remarkable resource for mums and dads alike.' SARAH MCMAHON, BODYMATTERS AUSTRALASIA
'An indispensable guide.' BETTER READING
PLEASE When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
Audible Audio
Published February 2, 2021
676 people are currently reading
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 302 reviews
April 25, 2021
This is a fairly good text and commentary on current issues facing girls and their parents.
However, I feel like most of the points have already been stated before by other authors.
I also do not agree with the ascertation that if a girl works hard enough they will achieve their dreams - this is a very first world philosophy, and sometimes people can work their bones off and still not achieve their dreams - I think this, too, is important to teach our girls.
However, I feel like most of the points have already been stated before by other authors.
I also do not agree with the ascertation that if a girl works hard enough they will achieve their dreams - this is a very first world philosophy, and sometimes people can work their bones off and still not achieve their dreams - I think this, too, is important to teach our girls.
July 6, 2021
I really wanted to love this book but did not. It began well with well thought out body confidence suggestions and if they’d stopped there I would have rated the book higher.
Not much new information. For someone who hadn't ever heard any of, it would be a good summary. Even better, borrow the book from the library, get the resources list and read a few of those books.
I get the idea that the author's daughters are still young. A lot of this information I came upon early on in my parenting journey and have since moved on from, realising that it's part of the picture but not all of it. I was disappointed it wasn't expanded upon here. An example is "not doing things for a child that they can do for themselves". When I heard this when my first child was a baby and thought it was great but it wasn't long before I realised it's quite a limiting belief and based on the assumption that children don't want to do things for themselves and the belief they need, us, their parents to tell them when they are ready to do things for themselves. Not trusting that when they are ready, they will do it for themselves. Many adults I know enjoy eating out at restaurants... surely that's allowing someone to do something for you (cook a meal) that you can do for yourself. I'm glad my partner or friend doesn't say "I would get you a tea as I'm making myself one, but I'm not going to do it for you I'm letting you do it for yourself." I will choose to do things for my children I know they can do for themselves and I enjoy them doing things for me that I could do for myself. This sounds like I'm taking it to extremes but the authors example show they definitely take it this to extremes. They don't carry their girls backpacks on the 1 1/2 km walk to school even if they ask, etc, etc.
There are lots of absolutes eg. Playground Equipment - First daughter (Violet) they helped too much and she wouldn't even try and climb it by myself, second daughter Ivy they didn't help at all. Their second daughter enjoyed a wonderful feeling of accomplishment when she eventually figured it out. They refused to help her even when she asked. No in-betweens?
I felt the authors led quite privileged lives and even though they mention others having fewer option I think some of the suggestions would alienate some readers. Not just about time to spend with their daughters, extracurricular activities they don't do anymore but obviously have access to child care and babysitters (their daughters are in bed by 8pm every evening except for 2-3 times a year. Either they don't go out much or they have great family support or access to baby-sitting.) They make it seem like having your child in bed every day at the same time 7 days a week is the only way to have children who sleep well and aren’t sleep deprived. Thank goodness they are incorrect.
Not much new information. For someone who hadn't ever heard any of, it would be a good summary. Even better, borrow the book from the library, get the resources list and read a few of those books.
I get the idea that the author's daughters are still young. A lot of this information I came upon early on in my parenting journey and have since moved on from, realising that it's part of the picture but not all of it. I was disappointed it wasn't expanded upon here. An example is "not doing things for a child that they can do for themselves". When I heard this when my first child was a baby and thought it was great but it wasn't long before I realised it's quite a limiting belief and based on the assumption that children don't want to do things for themselves and the belief they need, us, their parents to tell them when they are ready to do things for themselves. Not trusting that when they are ready, they will do it for themselves. Many adults I know enjoy eating out at restaurants... surely that's allowing someone to do something for you (cook a meal) that you can do for yourself. I'm glad my partner or friend doesn't say "I would get you a tea as I'm making myself one, but I'm not going to do it for you I'm letting you do it for yourself." I will choose to do things for my children I know they can do for themselves and I enjoy them doing things for me that I could do for myself. This sounds like I'm taking it to extremes but the authors example show they definitely take it this to extremes. They don't carry their girls backpacks on the 1 1/2 km walk to school even if they ask, etc, etc.
There are lots of absolutes eg. Playground Equipment - First daughter (Violet) they helped too much and she wouldn't even try and climb it by myself, second daughter Ivy they didn't help at all. Their second daughter enjoyed a wonderful feeling of accomplishment when she eventually figured it out. They refused to help her even when she asked. No in-betweens?
I felt the authors led quite privileged lives and even though they mention others having fewer option I think some of the suggestions would alienate some readers. Not just about time to spend with their daughters, extracurricular activities they don't do anymore but obviously have access to child care and babysitters (their daughters are in bed by 8pm every evening except for 2-3 times a year. Either they don't go out much or they have great family support or access to baby-sitting.) They make it seem like having your child in bed every day at the same time 7 days a week is the only way to have children who sleep well and aren’t sleep deprived. Thank goodness they are incorrect.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 15, 2022
Το δυσάρεστο είναι ότι χρειάζεται ακόμα να γράφονται βιβλία όπως το Μεγαλώνοντας κορίτσια που αγαπούν τον εαυτό τους. Το ευχάριστο είναι ότι μέχρι πρόσφατα δεν γράφονταν βιβλία όπως το Μεγαλώνοντας κορίτσια που αγαπούν τον εαυτό τους. Εμείς, η γενιά των σημερινών μαμάδων, αν αγαπήσαμε τον εαυτό μας, ήταν από καθαρή τύχη –είτε έτυχε να γεννηθούμε σε μια «ψαγμένη» οικογένεια με μαμά φεμινίστρια είτε δεν έτυχε να πέσουμε πάνω σε πολλούς ή τουλάχιστον σκληρούς πατριαρχικούς τοίχους. Η συντριπτική πλειονότητα των γονέων ημών των μαμάδων, οι σημερινοί παππούδες και γιαγιάδες, δηλαδή, δεν προβληματίστηκαν να ενδυναμώσουν τα κορίτσια τους, όχι γιατί δεν ήθελαν, αλλά γιατί δεν ήξεραν. Ο ευρέως δημόσιος διάλογος για τα έμφυλα στερεότυπα και την ανάγκη ανατροπής τους άνοιξε μόλις τα τελευταία χρόνια και είτε μας αρέσει είτε όχι αυτό εν πολλοίς οφείλεται στα μέσα κοινωνικής δικτύωσης και σε μια νέα γενιά γυναικών, φεμινιστριών που απεκδύθηκαν το αρνητικό πρόσημο που έντεχνα είχε φορεθεί στη λέξη, που αποφάσισε πως δεν πάει άλλο.
Ποιους ρόλους είχε (και συνεχίζει εν πολλοίς) να έχει η γυναίκα: Κόρη, σύντροφος, νοικοκυρά μητέρα και σκληρά εργαζόμενη, συνήθως κακοπληρωμένη. Όλα αυτά μαζί, χωρίς βοήθεια και μόνο με απαιτήσεις. Από παντού. Από όλη την κοινωνία. Για κάθε δεινό φταίει η γυναίκα. Πώς να αγαπήσει, λοιπόν, τον εαυτό της μια μάνα τον 21ο αιώνα; Προσωπικά, θα πρότεινα διεκδίκηση δικαιωμάτων από τους πάντες γύρω της και αν χρειαστεί ψυχοθεραπεία. Βέβαια, εύκολα λες κάτι, δύσκολα το πράττεις. Αλλά –σε μια χρονιά που μετράμε ήδη καμιά δεκαπενταριά γυναικοκτονίες, εν μέσω πανδημίας που η βία κατά των γυναικών έχει αυξηθεί ραγδαία, σχεδόν στη συμπλήρωση του πρώτου τετάρτου του 21ου αιώνα που υπάρχουν ακόμα άντρες που δεν δέχονται να αλλάξουν μια πάνα ή να κάνουν μπάνιο το μωρό τους ή άντρες που χρησιμοποιούν εκδικητικό πορνό– ήρθε η ώρα για δράση. Δράση, καταρχάς για εμάς τις ίδιες. Και έπειτα για τις κόρες μας. Για να μην υποστούν ποτέ όσα υπέστησαν οι θηλυκές πρόγονοί τους.
Το βιβλίο είναι, ευτυχώς, γραμμένο, εκτός από μια γυναίκα, την Kasey Edwards, και από έναν άντρα, τον δρα Christopher Scanlon, από ένα ζευγάρι μιας αρθρογράφου και ενός ακαδημαϊκού. Και δεν απευθύνεται μόνο στις μαμάδες, αλλά και στους μπαμπάδες που μεγαλώνουν κορίτσια μέχρι την προεφηβεία. Άλλωστε είναι αφιερωμένο στους γονείς εν γένει. Αυτό που έχει ιδιαίτερη σημασία είναι ο υπότιτλος του βιβλίου: Σε έναν κόσμο που προσπαθεί να τα πείσει για το αντίθετο. Υπερβολές, θα πουν κάποιοι και κάποιες. Καθόλου. Μα καθόλου. Και οι Αυστραλοί συγγραφείς το έγραψαν γιατί έχουν κόρες και θέλουν αυτές να ζήσουν καλύτερες ζωές από τις δικές τους, πιο ασφαλείς, πιο αυθεντικές και γεμάτες από καλύτερες προοπτικές, οικονομικά και πνευματικά. Θέλουν οι κόρες τους να αγαπήσουν τους εαυτούς τους όσο τις αγαπούν και οι γονείς τους: Άνευ όρων.
Όπως αναφέρουν χαρακτηριστικά και έχουν απόλυτο δίκιο, “οι προκλήσεις που αντιμετωπίζει αυτή η νέα γενιά κοριτσιών καθώς προσπαθούν να αναπτύξουν και να διατηρήσουν μια υγιή, ευτυχή και ασφαλή αίσθηση του εαυτού τους είναι τρομακτικές”. Γι’ αυτό και αποδοκιμάζουν την ανισότητα που κατατρώει την κουλτούρα μας, ναι, τη δυτικότατη κουλτούρα μας, και στερεί την ανθρωπιά και την αξία από τα κορίτσια και τις γυναίκες. Κι εμείς μαζί τους προλαμβάνουμε και προστατεύουμε. Σκεφτόμαστε τη δική μας παιδική ηλικία, αναθεωρούμε τις γονεϊκές προκαταλήψεις, διαλύουμε κοινώς αποδεκτά στερεότυπα, συζητάμε, διαβάζουμε, επανεκτιμούμε. Τα κορίτσια μας έχουν περισσότερες ευκαιρίες από αυτές που είχαν οι προηγούμενες γενιές. Όμως, δεν αγαπούν τον εαυτό τους, γιατί δεν τους το επιτρέπει η κοινωνία. Τα σύγχρονα κορίτσια έχουν άγχος, κατάθλιψη, διατροφικές διαταραχές, αυτοτραυματίζονται, είναι δυσαρεστημένα από το σώμα τους και δεν έχουν σωματική αυτονομία, μεγαλώνοντας σε έναν τοξικό και ανταγωνιστικό κόσμο που τα πνίγει μέσα στην ανασφάλεια και στην αυτομομφή.
Τα 7 χαρακτηριστικά του κοριτσιού που αγαπάει τον εαυτό του:
Έχει προοπτική ισχύος
Έχει αυτοπεποίθηση για το σώμα του
Έχει τον έλεγχο του σώματός του
Είναι ήρεμο
Είναι ανεξάρτητο και ικανό
Έχει δυνατές σχέσεις
Είναι ο εαυτός του
Μπαμπάδες και μαμάδες, δεν θα τα θέλατε όλα αυτά για τις κόρες σας; Δεν θα θέλατε να μη σταθεί ποτέ το φύλο τους ή η μητρότητα εμπόδιο στην καριέρα και στη μισθολογική τους ανέλιξη, δεν θα θέλατε να μην πέσουν σε κακοποιητικό σύντροφο, να μη βιαστούν ψυχικά ή σωματικά, να μην εμφανίσουν ψυχικές διαταραχές οφειλόμενες σε κακή αυτοεικόνα; Να προχωρήσουν μπροστά με πολύ πάθος και καθόλου φόβο; Για να διαβάζετε αυτό το κείμενο, σίγουρα αυτή είναι η επιθυμία σας.
Οι συγγραφείς αφιερώνουν ένα κεφάλαιο στο καθένα από τα παραπάνω χαρακτηριστικά, εμπλέκουν μέσα και τις γονεϊκές εμπειρίες (το βιβλίο είναι μια άριστη ευκαιρία και για απόκτηση δικής μας αυτογνωσίας), παρουσιάζουν ιστορίες-παραδείγματα και δράσεις ανάλογα με την ηλικία του κοριτσιού, τεκμηριώνουν όσα υποστηρίζουν μέσα από ακαδημαϊκές μελέτες, τονίζουν τη σημασία του παιχνιδιού, δίνουν οδηγίες (που, ΝΑΙ, πρέπει να τηρούμε για τον ύπνο και τις οθόνες) εντοπίζουν και μας υποδεικνύουν τα τοξικά μηνύματα και κάθε τύπου bullying που πρέπει να εξαφανίσουμε από τις ζωές τους, σπάνε τα δικά μας ταμπού (ναι, η κόρη σας αυνανίζεται και καλά κάνει και αργά ή γρήγορα θα κάνει και σεξ –το αντίστροφο θα έπρεπε να σας ανησυχεί…), γιορτάζουν τις αποτυχίες και προβληματίζονται μπρος στην τελειότητα, δίνουν μια ξεχωριστή δράση για τους μπαμπάδες, ενώ ανακεφαλαιώνουν εξαιρετικά, οδηγώντας μας στην εμπέδωση των όσων μελετήσαμε σε κάθε ενότητα.
Η κόρη μου είναι στην προεφηβεία. Διαβάσαμε μαζί πολλά κομμάτια του βιβλίου. Άλλα τα διάβασα μόνη μου, άλλα παρέα με τον μπαμπά της, ενώ βρήκα και κάποια σημεία που τόνισα στον ήδη έφηβο γιο μου, ώστε να έχει απέναντι στο κορίτσι του και σε κάθε κορίτσι τη συμπεριφορά που της αξίζει, χωρίς να επηρεάζεται από την τοξική αρρενωπότητα με την οποία, άθελά του, έρχεται καθημερινά αντιμέτωπος και δεν ξέρει τι να την κάνει. Αν είστε γονείς κοριτσιών, κάντε δώρο στον εαυτό σας το βιβλίο Μεγαλώνοντας κορίτσια που αγαπούν τον εαυτό τους. Στην ουσία δεν είναι δώρο προς εσάς, αλλά προς τις κόρες σας. Μεγαλώστε τις κόρες που έχετε, όχι αυτές που θα ευχόσασταν να έχετε και αγαπήστε τες με όλη σας την καρδιά! Σε έναν κόσμο που παραμένει ιδιαίτερα σκληρός προς τις γυναίκες, παρά τη φαινομενική ισότητα των φύλων, δεν θα καταθέσουμε, όπως λένε οι συγγραφείς, αμαχητί τα όπλα. Εμείς, οι μπαμπάδες και οι μαμάδες, θα γίνουμε το ασφαλές καταφύγιό τους και ο φάρος τους, ώ��τε να ανακαλύψουν τον εαυτό τους και να ανθήσουν για αυτό που είναι! Έχουμε υποχρέωση να μεγαλώσουμε κορίτσια που αγαπούν πρώτα από όλα τον εαυτό τους σε έναν κόσμο που προσπαθεί να τα εντάξει σε κοινωνικά καλούπια και προκαταλήψεις. Ας μεγαλώσουμε, λοιπόν, κορίτσια με αυτοπεποίθηση.
Ποιους ρόλους είχε (και συνεχίζει εν πολλοίς) να έχει η γυναίκα: Κόρη, σύντροφος, νοικοκυρά μητέρα και σκληρά εργαζόμενη, συνήθως κακοπληρωμένη. Όλα αυτά μαζί, χωρίς βοήθεια και μόνο με απαιτήσεις. Από παντού. Από όλη την κοινωνία. Για κάθε δεινό φταίει η γυναίκα. Πώς να αγαπήσει, λοιπόν, τον εαυτό της μια μάνα τον 21ο αιώνα; Προσωπικά, θα πρότεινα διεκδίκηση δικαιωμάτων από τους πάντες γύρω της και αν χρειαστεί ψυχοθεραπεία. Βέβαια, εύκολα λες κάτι, δύσκολα το πράττεις. Αλλά –σε μια χρονιά που μετράμε ήδη καμιά δεκαπενταριά γυναικοκτονίες, εν μέσω πανδημίας που η βία κατά των γυναικών έχει αυξηθεί ραγδαία, σχεδόν στη συμπλήρωση του πρώτου τετάρτου του 21ου αιώνα που υπάρχουν ακόμα άντρες που δεν δέχονται να αλλάξουν μια πάνα ή να κάνουν μπάνιο το μωρό τους ή άντρες που χρησιμοποιούν εκδικητικό πορνό– ήρθε η ώρα για δράση. Δράση, καταρχάς για εμάς τις ίδιες. Και έπειτα για τις κόρες μας. Για να μην υποστούν ποτέ όσα υπέστησαν οι θηλυκές πρόγονοί τους.
Το βιβλίο είναι, ευτυχώς, γραμμένο, εκτός από μια γυναίκα, την Kasey Edwards, και από έναν άντρα, τον δρα Christopher Scanlon, από ένα ζευγάρι μιας αρθρογράφου και ενός ακαδημαϊκού. Και δεν απευθύνεται μόνο στις μαμάδες, αλλά και στους μπαμπάδες που μεγαλώνουν κορίτσια μέχρι την προεφηβεία. Άλλωστε είναι αφιερωμένο στους γονείς εν γένει. Αυτό που έχει ιδιαίτερη σημασία είναι ο υπότιτλος του βιβλίου: Σε έναν κόσμο που προσπαθεί να τα πείσει για το αντίθετο. Υπερβολές, θα πουν κάποιοι και κάποιες. Καθόλου. Μα καθόλου. Και οι Αυστραλοί συγγραφείς το έγραψαν γιατί έχουν κόρες και θέλουν αυτές να ζήσουν καλύτερες ζωές από τις δικές τους, πιο ασφαλείς, πιο αυθεντικές και γεμάτες από καλύτερες προοπτικές, οικονομικά και πνευματικά. Θέλουν οι κόρες τους να αγαπήσουν τους εαυτούς τους όσο τις αγαπούν και οι γονείς τους: Άνευ όρων.
Όπως αναφέρουν χαρακτηριστικά και έχουν απόλυτο δίκιο, “οι προκλήσεις που αντιμετωπίζει αυτή η νέα γενιά κοριτσιών καθώς προσπαθούν να αναπτύξουν και να διατηρήσουν μια υγιή, ευτυχή και ασφαλή αίσθηση του εαυτού τους είναι τρομακτικές”. Γι’ αυτό και αποδοκιμάζουν την ανισότητα που κατατρώει την κουλτούρα μας, ναι, τη δυτικότατη κουλτούρα μας, και στερεί την ανθρωπιά και την αξία από τα κορίτσια και τις γυναίκες. Κι εμείς μαζί τους προλαμβάνουμε και προστατεύουμε. Σκεφτόμαστε τη δική μας παιδική ηλικία, αναθεωρούμε τις γονεϊκές προκαταλήψεις, διαλύουμε κοινώς αποδεκτά στερεότυπα, συζητάμε, διαβάζουμε, επανεκτιμούμε. Τα κορίτσια μας έχουν περισσότερες ευκαιρίες από αυτές που είχαν οι προηγούμενες γενιές. Όμως, δεν αγαπούν τον εαυτό τους, γιατί δεν τους το επιτρέπει η κοινωνία. Τα σύγχρονα κορίτσια έχουν άγχος, κατάθλιψη, διατροφικές διαταραχές, αυτοτραυματίζονται, είναι δυσαρεστημένα από το σώμα τους και δεν έχουν σωματική αυτονομία, μεγαλώνοντας σε έναν τοξικό και ανταγωνιστικό κόσμο που τα πνίγει μέσα στην ανασφάλεια και στην αυτομομφή.
Τα 7 χαρακτηριστικά του κοριτσιού που αγαπάει τον εαυτό του:
Έχει προοπτική ισχύος
Έχει αυτοπεποίθηση για το σώμα του
Έχει τον έλεγχο του σώματός του
Είναι ήρεμο
Είναι ανεξάρτητο και ικανό
Έχει δυνατές σχέσεις
Είναι ο εαυτός του
Μπαμπάδες και μαμάδες, δεν θα τα θέλατε όλα αυτά για τις κόρες σας; Δεν θα θέλατε να μη σταθεί ποτέ το φύλο τους ή η μητρότητα εμπόδιο στην καριέρα και στη μισθολογική τους ανέλιξη, δεν θα θέλατε να μην πέσουν σε κακοποιητικό σύντροφο, να μη βιαστούν ψυχικά ή σωματικά, να μην εμφανίσουν ψυχικές διαταραχές οφειλόμενες σε κακή αυτοεικόνα; Να προχωρήσουν μπροστά με πολύ πάθος και καθόλου φόβο; Για να διαβάζετε αυτό το κείμενο, σίγουρα αυτή είναι η επιθυμία σας.
Οι συγγραφείς αφιερώνουν ένα κεφάλαιο στο καθένα από τα παραπάνω χαρακτηριστικά, εμπλέκουν μέσα και τις γονεϊκές εμπειρίες (το βιβλίο είναι μια άριστη ευκαιρία και για απόκτηση δικής μας αυτογνωσίας), παρουσιάζουν ιστορίες-παραδείγματα και δράσεις ανάλογα με την ηλικία του κοριτσιού, τεκμηριώνουν όσα υποστηρίζουν μέσα από ακαδημαϊκές μελέτες, τονίζουν τη σημασία του παιχνιδιού, δίνουν οδηγίες (που, ΝΑΙ, πρέπει να τηρούμε για τον ύπνο και τις οθόνες) εντοπίζουν και μας υποδεικνύουν τα τοξικά μηνύματα και κάθε τύπου bullying που πρέπει να εξαφανίσουμε από τις ζωές τους, σπάνε τα δικά μας ταμπού (ναι, η κόρη σας αυνανίζεται και καλά κάνει και αργά ή γρήγορα θα κάνει και σεξ –το αντίστροφο θα έπρεπε να σας ανησυχεί…), γιορτάζουν τις αποτυχίες και προβληματίζονται μπρος στην τελειότητα, δίνουν μια ξεχωριστή δράση για τους μπαμπάδες, ενώ ανακεφαλαιώνουν εξαιρετικά, οδηγώντας μας στην εμπέδωση των όσων μελετήσαμε σε κάθε ενότητα.
Η κόρη μου είναι στην προεφηβεία. Διαβάσαμε μαζί πολλά κομμάτια του βιβλίου. Άλλα τα διάβασα μόνη μου, άλλα παρέα με τον μπαμπά της, ενώ βρήκα και κάποια σημεία που τόνισα στον ήδη έφηβο γιο μου, ώστε να έχει απέναντι στο κορίτσι του και σε κάθε κορίτσι τη συμπεριφορά που της αξίζει, χωρίς να επηρεάζεται από την τοξική αρρενωπότητα με την οποία, άθελά του, έρχεται καθημερινά αντιμέτωπος και δεν ξέρει τι να την κάνει. Αν είστε γονείς κοριτσιών, κάντε δώρο στον εαυτό σας το βιβλίο Μεγαλώνοντας κορίτσια που αγαπούν τον εαυτό τους. Στην ουσία δεν είναι δώρο προς εσάς, αλλά προς τις κόρες σας. Μεγαλώστε τις κόρες που έχετε, όχι αυτές που θα ευχόσασταν να έχετε και αγαπήστε τες με όλη σας την καρδιά! Σε έναν κόσμο που παραμένει ιδιαίτερα σκληρός προς τις γυναίκες, παρά τη φαινομενική ισότητα των φύλων, δεν θα καταθέσουμε, όπως λένε οι συγγραφείς, αμαχητί τα όπλα. Εμείς, οι μπαμπάδες και οι μαμάδες, θα γίνουμε το ασφαλές καταφύγιό τους και ο φάρος τους, ώ��τε να ανακαλύψουν τον εαυτό τους και να ανθήσουν για αυτό που είναι! Έχουμε υποχρέωση να μεγαλώσουμε κορίτσια που αγαπούν πρώτα από όλα τον εαυτό τους σε έναν κόσμο που προσπαθεί να τα εντάξει σε κοινωνικά καλούπια και προκαταλήψεις. Ας μεγαλώσουμε, λοιπόν, κορίτσια με αυτοπεποίθηση.
August 11, 2022
✨Aitäh raamatu eest, Rahva Raamatu kirjastus!✨
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Paljuski silmiavav raamat. Tihtipeale me isegi ei mõtle, keda ja kuidas me kommenteerime ja millise jälje see tegelikult meie lastele jätab. Tegelikult on päris hirmus nii lugedes mõista, millise surve ühiskond tegelikult just tüdrukutele paneb, see on ikka päris suur ja raske koorem - olla ideaalne, olla hea, olla sale, olla täpselt nii nagu teised tahavad jne. Miks on nii, et tüdrukute vastu on maailm palju kriitilisem ja poisse vabandatakse lausetega “ah, ta on lihtsalt poiss” ja “ah, poisid jäävad poisteks”. Ja neid võib siia kindlasti veel palju lisada.
Teisalt oli aga mul lugedes tihti hea meel, et ma paljusid asju olen juba siiani n-ö õigesti teinud ja teisi asju, mida veel ei ole, on mul nüüd võimalik paremini teha.
Aga eks see laste kasvatamine ongi selline “tänamatu töö”, sest veits pekki läheb midagi nagunii ja nagunii on igal inimesel erinev arvamus/nägemus sellest, KUIDAS neid lapsi õigupoolest ikkagi kasvatada tuleb.
Soovitan lugeda absoluutselt kõigil! Mitte ainult tüdrukute vanematel, vaid ka poiste vanematel ja ka neil, kellel pole üldse lapsi jne. Ma muidu ei ole üldse (no kohe ikka üldse-üldse) kasvatusteemaliste ja üleüldse selliste raamatute fänn, aga see lausa lendas käes.
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Paljuski silmiavav raamat. Tihtipeale me isegi ei mõtle, keda ja kuidas me kommenteerime ja millise jälje see tegelikult meie lastele jätab. Tegelikult on päris hirmus nii lugedes mõista, millise surve ühiskond tegelikult just tüdrukutele paneb, see on ikka päris suur ja raske koorem - olla ideaalne, olla hea, olla sale, olla täpselt nii nagu teised tahavad jne. Miks on nii, et tüdrukute vastu on maailm palju kriitilisem ja poisse vabandatakse lausetega “ah, ta on lihtsalt poiss” ja “ah, poisid jäävad poisteks”. Ja neid võib siia kindlasti veel palju lisada.
Teisalt oli aga mul lugedes tihti hea meel, et ma paljusid asju olen juba siiani n-ö õigesti teinud ja teisi asju, mida veel ei ole, on mul nüüd võimalik paremini teha.
Aga eks see laste kasvatamine ongi selline “tänamatu töö”, sest veits pekki läheb midagi nagunii ja nagunii on igal inimesel erinev arvamus/nägemus sellest, KUIDAS neid lapsi õigupoolest ikkagi kasvatada tuleb.
Soovitan lugeda absoluutselt kõigil! Mitte ainult tüdrukute vanematel, vaid ka poiste vanematel ja ka neil, kellel pole üldse lapsi jne. Ma muidu ei ole üldse (no kohe ikka üldse-üldse) kasvatusteemaliste ja üleüldse selliste raamatute fänn, aga see lausa lendas käes.
February 9, 2021
Full of practical and insightful knowledge and tips to ensure your girls are confident and thriving as their authentic selves.
I am not one for parenting or self help style books, but this felt non judgemental and completely safe. It had me reflecting on myself and my own perspectives and has given me the tools to help myself and my daughter.
I was proud to discover that I am already on the right track with a lot of strategies and have furthered my knowledge and gained new tools and perspectives in this parenting gig!
Definitely recommend!
I am not one for parenting or self help style books, but this felt non judgemental and completely safe. It had me reflecting on myself and my own perspectives and has given me the tools to help myself and my daughter.
I was proud to discover that I am already on the right track with a lot of strategies and have furthered my knowledge and gained new tools and perspectives in this parenting gig!
Definitely recommend!
February 26, 2021
Reading this book felt like reparenting myself... in the best, most loving and empowering way!
August 10, 2024
Nii. Super. Raamat. Vahetaksin julgelt pealkirjas tüdrukud laste vastu & leian, et rohkem kui pooled asjad on sooülesed. Ma tahan osta selle raamatu ja hoida öökapil. Ja lugeda ja tegutseda selle järgi. Teaduslike materjalide põhjal kirjutatud, spetsialistide poolt, kes ise lapsevanemad. Nii head näited, eluline, arusaadavas keeles, hea tõlge ja kujundus.
Oleks mu vanemad vaid seda lugenud.
Soovitan suurelt!
Oleks mu vanemad vaid seda lugenud.
Soovitan suurelt!
May 16, 2024
Lots of great insight, as well as a shift in perspective on how our everyday language can influence our children and how they view themselves. While the title is specifically for girls, I found it applicable to all children.
July 8, 2025
I’m not raising any girls at the moment, but this book interested me because I was once a girl who didn’t always like herself that much and I know many women who felt the same as kids. I’m luckily a woman who loves herself now.
I think this gives some very straightforward steps for parents who might be nervous, but the main thing to take away from it is: treat women, even girl children, like people. Ask them about their interests and move away from comments on people’s bodies. Crazy ideas, I know.
I think this gives some very straightforward steps for parents who might be nervous, but the main thing to take away from it is: treat women, even girl children, like people. Ask them about their interests and move away from comments on people’s bodies. Crazy ideas, I know.
January 25, 2024
I’d rate this 3.5/3.75. There was definitely a lot of good advice and things I want to implement in parenting my daughter (especially when it comes to her appearance/body and not judging others for their appearance. Also with regard to her being her authentic self and supporting that). I didn’t like that the authors spent an entire chapter refuting recommendations from huge, well-respected bodies of experts (I.e. the AAP) (and this is okay- I think it’s hugely important to look at limitations of studies). However, it seems very one-sided as their other advice relies on individuals (i.e. a random developmental specialist or teacher or psychologist or neuroscientist). They say recommendations for limited screen time are bogus and spend a lot of time saying why all of the studies do not show cause while completely disregarding any sort of flaw with their other recommendations even when it is anecdotal and has little or no evidence to support it. That being said, I didn’t agree with everything and am taking it all with a grain of salt but I am not disappointed I read this book. I did agree with a lot of it done think there are many good things to put into practice. It also gave me a good perspective on a lot of different aspects of raising a daughter. Things I am happy I will be consciously thinking of that I may not have otherwise. It had a lot of advice that was very relevant to the challenges girls and women face in today’s world. We live in a very different world today than past generations. I hope it will help give me some good nuggets to incorporate in raising my daughter to love herself.
May 18, 2021
**audiobook review** Unfortunately, I found the author's voice very high-pitched, especially at the start of each sentence, but I managed to get through it. Another quibble - the author can't pronounce the word "drawing" and repeatedly said "draw-ring" over and over. I always find it funny when highly educated people (in this case, the author holds a master's degree) are unable to pronounce simple words.
The book is centred around what the author calls the "power perspective". The power perspective involves changing your perspective and choosing how you view situations so that you view them from a position of power, not passivity. This is similar to the popular re-framing technique.
I was pleased to see that the currently popular concept of "manifesting" was called out for being the nonsense that it is. Interesting also to hear that evidence showing harmful effects of screen time for kids is actually non-existent. I also agree with homework being unnecessary for primary school children (apart from reading) but unfortunately it's compulsory at our school.
Our family chooses not to participate in any after-school activities which is seemingly a crime in 2021, so it was refreshing to read that this is perfectly fine (which I already knew, but it was good to hear it). Instead, our family does our own creative activities around reading and art.
It would have been good if the book had taken mental health issues into consideration, as some of the advice given simply doesn't work with kids experiencing anxiety issues.
The book is centred around what the author calls the "power perspective". The power perspective involves changing your perspective and choosing how you view situations so that you view them from a position of power, not passivity. This is similar to the popular re-framing technique.
I was pleased to see that the currently popular concept of "manifesting" was called out for being the nonsense that it is. Interesting also to hear that evidence showing harmful effects of screen time for kids is actually non-existent. I also agree with homework being unnecessary for primary school children (apart from reading) but unfortunately it's compulsory at our school.
Our family chooses not to participate in any after-school activities which is seemingly a crime in 2021, so it was refreshing to read that this is perfectly fine (which I already knew, but it was good to hear it). Instead, our family does our own creative activities around reading and art.
It would have been good if the book had taken mental health issues into consideration, as some of the advice given simply doesn't work with kids experiencing anxiety issues.
January 4, 2022
Θα αλλαζα τον τίτλο σε "Μεγαλώνοντας παιδια που αγαπουν τον εαυτο τους". Σιγουρα καποιες προσδοκίες και καποιες συμπεριφορές ειναι διαφορετικές, αλλα μονο αν μεγαλωνουμε σωστους ανθρωπους ανεξαρτητως φυλου τοτε θα προοδευσουμε σαν κοινωνία
October 23, 2023
Must read book if you have a daughter! I learned so much and plan to put these thoughts into action asap.
February 10, 2024
My girl dad training is complete! This is actually great advice for raising boys and being a whole human in general.
February 2, 2024
This is such an important book to read, not just for parents and girls, but for anyone. There are little self assessments that you can answer in your head that show how you actually think and what your perspective is when you face failure and setbacks, as well as when you experience feelings and wants that possibly inconvenience someone. It was really eye opening for me, and then I was able to learn how to help my own daughters. Of course as in many self help/parenting books, there are things I don’t quite agree with and so I will pick and choose what works best, but overall this hit on many things that are so,so important.
October 1, 2024
I know I’m not the target audience for this book but I wanted to read it because I figured that it could provide some insight into where self love, acceptance, and confidence comes from and how to foster it in a girl/young woman (maybe perhaps a 22 year old woman like myself 🥸)
I felt that this book provided a lot of valuable insight into how to empower young girls and women to trust their own judgment and believe in their capabilities. Also, I mentioned this book to my mother and we ended up having a really productive conversation about how I was raised and who I am! So thank you to the authors for facilitating that conversation :^)
I felt that this book provided a lot of valuable insight into how to empower young girls and women to trust their own judgment and believe in their capabilities. Also, I mentioned this book to my mother and we ended up having a really productive conversation about how I was raised and who I am! So thank you to the authors for facilitating that conversation :^)
February 12, 2024
Very different to what I usually read in that it wasn’t a love story or thriller, but rather very real about how to raise Charlotte as strong and resilient as we can. Highly recommend to parents!!! Definitely had me doing some major reflecting on my own upbringing and what we want for our little girl. Can’t wait to read the one for boys soon ☺️
August 3, 2025
Kohustuslik kirjandus igale lapsevanemale. Sama nagu ka poiste kohta kirjutatud teos. Kergesti loetav, eluterved väärtused ja ei mingit moraali lugemist. Head soovitused ja kasulik ka naisena lugeda, et enda sees olevat pisikest tüdrukut veidi kaastundlikumalt vaadata. Seekord pikemat punktide loetelu ei tee, sest plaanin need mõlemad teosed ka oma raamaturiiulile hankida ning koos märkmete tegemisega uuesti läbi lugeda.
September 26, 2025
Useful book. We immediately saw opportunities to adjust our parenting and better support our daughters.
In the intro, they explain that a fellow parent asked if they could just combine all of what they’d learned into one place for parents like her who did not have time. And that’s what they did.
If you are a serial parenting book reader… maybe this isn’t for you.
And By the way, both my husband and I read it. 🙄 The dad endcap pieces were obnoxious. I’m not angry at the authors about it though I wonder why it had to be gendered as “for dads.”
In the intro, they explain that a fellow parent asked if they could just combine all of what they’d learned into one place for parents like her who did not have time. And that’s what they did.
If you are a serial parenting book reader… maybe this isn’t for you.
And By the way, both my husband and I read it. 🙄 The dad endcap pieces were obnoxious. I’m not angry at the authors about it though I wonder why it had to be gendered as “for dads.”
December 22, 2024
I think this works for adult women, too, to unlearn and relearn - it will need a reread later in the future. More than ever, we need to be teaching our girls that the goal should be the process of living a healthy life and not the outcome of meeting a commercially driven standard of beauty.
In Australia, nearly one in five girls aged 16 to 17 meets the criteria for clinical depression, while anxiety disorders grip one in fourteen.
over half of girls as young as eight and nine years old report dissatisfaction with their bodies. In Australia, research tells us something concerning: more than half of 10-year-old girls are already trying to control their weight. This isn’t something that comes naturally – it’s something they learn, and us parents can help change this pattern.
This paradox – immense opportunity paired with declining mental health – reflects a deeper societal issue. Our media and social platforms bombard young minds with digitally perfected images and impossible standards. The beauty and fashion industries feed off these insecurities, suggesting that girls need to “fix” themselves to be worthy.
Raising a girl with a strong sense of self-worth often comes down to helping her see the world through a power perspective. This mindset shows up in two different ways: some kids think “I can shape what happens to me,” while others feel “things just happen to me.”
- if your daughter receives an unwanted gift, gently shift her attention to what went well – like the fun she had at her party or other presents she enjoyed. This focus on the positive encourages her to see the good in situations, a skill that builds resilience
Building positive thinking also supports this sense of control. After school, try asking about something good that happened in her day. Talk about why it was good and how she played a part in making it happen. This simple practice helps her see herself as someone who makes good things happen in her own life.
Instead of vaguely saying, “Great drawing!” ask, “Do you like it?” This shows her that her opinion of her own work matters more than others’. It helps her build confidence from within rather than always seeking external approval.
When things get tough, help her change thoughts like “I’ll never be good at math” to “I’m practicing math, and it’s tough, but I’m improving.” Celebrate her efforts to rise after a fall, like, “You got back up – well done!” Lastly, encourage directness in asking for what she needs. Instead of vague hints like “I’m thirsty,” encourage her to ask, “Can I have a glass of water?”
Notice her skills, her creativity, and her curiosity with remarks like “That’s a big tower you’re building!” or “I love how carefully you looked for bugs!” These sorts of comments help reinforce the idea that her value lies in who she is and what she can do, not for how she looks.
When others talk about her looks, use the DRM approach – that’s D for dilution, R for redirection, and M for modeling. For example, if someone compliments her dress, point out that it’s also great for climbing trees. Show her that appearance is only one small part of who she is. At home, model this yourself by limiting your own comments about appearance, even positive ones, as these can still imply that looks are a measure of worth.
emphasize health over weight. Bodies can be healthy at many sizes – what matters is feeling good in body and mind
avoid moralizing food as “good” or “bad.” Instead, use “everyday” and “sometimes” foods, and let her choose what feels right.
Raising Girls Who Like Themselves
Today's young women stand at a fascinating crossroads. They're shattering academic records, drawing inspiration from titans like Malala and Greta, and stepping into opportunities their grandmothers never imagined. Yet beneath this gleaming surface lies a troubling reality.
In Australia, for example, nearly one in five girls aged 16 to 17 meets the criteria for clinical depression, while anxiety disorders grip one in fourteen. More alarming still is what's happening to our youngest: over half of girls as young as eight and nine years old report dissatisfaction with their bodies. This isn't just concerning – it's a crisis in the making.
This paradox – immense opportunity paired with declining mental health – reflects a deeper societal issue. Our media and social platforms bombard young minds with digitally perfected images and impossible standards. The beauty and fashion industries feed off these insecurities, suggesting that girls need to “fix” themselves to be worthy.
Yet amid this challenging landscape, there's genuine cause for optimism. Building high self-esteem and authentic self-worth is a proven shield against these cultural pressures. With the right approach, parents can nurture daughters who go further than simply weathering society's expectations, but transcend them entirely.
In this Blink, we'll explore sophisticated strategies to help your daughter develop genuine confidence – the kind that comes from within and stands firm against external pressure. Because raising a girl who truly values herself is more than just an aspiration – it's an achievable reality. Let’s get started.
Raising a girl with a strong sense of self-worth often comes down to helping her see the world through a power perspective. This mindset shows up in two different ways: some kids think “I can shape what happens to me,” while others feel “things just happen to me.”
Take the example of two girls heading to school camp: one is nervous, clinging to her parents, while the other is excitedly boarding the bus. The difference? The confident girl knows she can handle new situations, even if they’re tough or unfamiliar.
Some children naturally have this power perspective. Others may be more prone to anxiety or have faced hardships that make it harder to trust in themselves. Fortunately, this perspective can be taught and strengthened. Start by focusing on small, practical steps.
For example, if your daughter receives an unwanted gift, gently shift her attention to what went well – like the fun she had at her party or other presents she enjoyed. This focus on the positive encourages her to see the good in situations, a skill that builds resilience.
Building positive thinking also supports this sense of control. After school, try asking about something good that happened in her day. Talk about why it was good and how she played a part in making it happen. This simple practice helps her see herself as someone who makes good things happen in her own life.
When you give her praise, be thoughtful about it. Instead of vaguely saying, “Great drawing!” ask, “Do you like it?” This shows her that her opinion of her own work matters more than others’. It helps her build confidence from within rather than always seeking external approval.
When things get tough, help her change thoughts like “I’ll never be good at math” to “I’m practicing math, and it’s tough, but I’m improving.” Celebrate her efforts to rise after a fall, like, “You got back up – well done!” Lastly, encourage directness in asking for what she needs. Instead of vague hints like “I’m thirsty,” encourage her to ask, “Can I have a glass of water?”
These small steps add up to something big – they help raise a girl who approaches life with confidence, resilience, and a healthy self-worth.
Many little girls start life with a healthy curiosity and pride in their bodies. You might see a toddler fascinated with her reflection, marveling at her strength and capabilities. But as she grows, social messages often begin to chip away at this confidence. Media, peer influences, and even well-intentioned comments can all play a role in shaping how she feels about her body and herself.
In Australia, research tells us something concerning: more than half of 10-year-old girls are already trying to control their weight. This isn’t something that comes naturally – it’s something they learn, and us parents can help change this pattern.
To combat body-shaming and build stronger self-worth, start by changing how you praise her. Compliments for girls frequently center on their appearance, with remarks like “What a cute dress!” or “You have such pretty eyes!” This puts too much weight on her appearance. Instead, make an effort to recognize her actions, ideas, and interests. Notice her skills, her creativity, and her curiosity with remarks like “That’s a big tower you’re building!” or “I love how carefully you looked for bugs!” These sorts of comments help reinforce the idea that her value lies in who she is and what she can do, not for how she looks.
When others talk about her looks, use the DRM approach – that’s D for dilution, R for redirection, and M for modeling. For example, if someone compliments her dress, point out that it’s also great for climbing trees. Show her that appearance is only one small part of who she is. At home, model this yourself by limiting your own comments about appearance, even positive ones, as these can still imply that looks are a measure of worth.
Also, emphasize health over weight. Bodies can be healthy at many sizes – what matters is feeling good in body and mind. Make your home a place that supports this: skip fashion magazines, choose ad-free TV options, and promote realistic, positive body imagery.
Encourage her to trust her body’s natural signals. Teach her that “hunger cues” are natural, and avoid moralizing food as “good” or “bad.” Instead, use “everyday” and “sometimes” foods, and let her choose what feels right. By offering a variety, you’re supporting her in listening to her body without judgment or anxiety.
Finally, make exercise something she can enjoy, not something tied to body image or punishment. Show her that movement is a celebration of what her body can do – running, dancing, jumping, climbing. When exercise is joyful, it reinforces a love for her body, exactly as it is. By making these small shifts, you’re helping her grow up with confidence and a lasting, positive self-image.
Raising girls who have a strong sense of self-worth starts with teaching them that their body belongs to them. This simple but powerful idea means each person gets to make choices about their own body. For girls, this idea of body autonomy is critical in a world that often tells them they need to change their bodies to fit others’ expectations. Girls are frequently encouraged, subtly and directly, to view their bodies as objects for others to judge or control. By teaching them body autonomy, we empower them to resist this messaging and embrace themselves for who they are.
Supporting body autonomy may mean making some unexpected choices as a parent. Let your daughter wear that sparkly princess dress to the supermarket or dye her hair blue, as long as it’s safe and non-permanent.
But what about when she asks to wax her legs because someone told her they’re “too hairy”? This is different. You can help her see that changing her body because of what others think isn’t really making her own choice. In these cases, it’s crucial to help her understand that her self-worth shouldn’t be defined by others’ expectations.
Many of us were raised to give relatives kisses or hugs, sometimes even if we didn’t want to. This taught us that making others happy was more important than our comfort. Give your daughter permission to say no. If she’s uncomfortable with a kiss or cuddle, offer alternatives like a high five or a wave. Though it may be challenging if a grandparent feels slighted, your daughter will learn that her body is her own, and that she has the right to refuse, even if it causes some discomfort.
Masturbation, too, is part of normal bodily self-discovery. If you see your daughter touching her genitals, avoid shaming her or telling her it’s “dirty.” Instead, teach her that self-exploration is natural and that many women engage in it as they grow up. Just explain it's private, like other things we learn about time and place – the same way we learn scissors don't belong in the sandpit. By guiding her in a calm, shame-free way, you’ll encourage a healthy understanding of her body.
A recent Australian study found that 47 percent of children engage in three or more after-school activities per week, and 43 percent of families hadn’t done any spontaneous activities in the past month. While sports and hobbies can be beneficial, too much scheduling can leave girls feeling anxious and depleted. When we fill up the calendar, we often squeeze out something really important – unstructured play time. This kind of play helps children build creativity, bounce back from setbacks, and learn who they are.
Free play is central to learning in a way that no lesson or training session can replicate. Unlike structured activities with goals and targets, true play just flows naturally. Think about when you see a child completely lost in play – what psychologists call a flow state. The world around them fades away, and they're totally free to be themselves.
When you back, let her crack the eggs and pour the flour. Have her carry her own school bag and make her bed. These small acts build confidence and help her feel in charge of her world. Let her speak up in social situations too, like at the doctor’s office or restaurants. If she’s nervous, practice at home first. Remind her that her voice matters, and help her understand that her opinions are valued.
As girls grow, their natural drive to master new skills is often stifled by a fear of failure, influenced by the pressure to “color inside the lines.” Teach her to see failure as an essential part of growth. Praise her persistence, her courage, and the progress she’s made – even if she hasn’t yet achieved her goal.
“We want our daughters to be curious and independent and ambitious. We want them to make good choices, to have the resilience to bounce back from their ‘it seemed like a good idea at the time’ decisions, and to possess the strength to recover from plain bad luck.”
“the more conscious you are of the way you were parented, the more likely you are to make better decisions when it comes to raising your daughter.”
Children don’t need perfect parents. They just need good-enough parents
“Why is this happening? Why are girls who appear to be swimming in a world of opportunity drowning in insecurity and self-loathing? Because the world can be toxic for girls. We know that’s a big claim, but the reality is that many girls are growing up in a society where they will be invisible if they don’t act sexy, and be branded a slut if they do.”
In Australia, nearly one in five girls aged 16 to 17 meets the criteria for clinical depression, while anxiety disorders grip one in fourteen.
over half of girls as young as eight and nine years old report dissatisfaction with their bodies. In Australia, research tells us something concerning: more than half of 10-year-old girls are already trying to control their weight. This isn’t something that comes naturally – it’s something they learn, and us parents can help change this pattern.
This paradox – immense opportunity paired with declining mental health – reflects a deeper societal issue. Our media and social platforms bombard young minds with digitally perfected images and impossible standards. The beauty and fashion industries feed off these insecurities, suggesting that girls need to “fix” themselves to be worthy.
Raising a girl with a strong sense of self-worth often comes down to helping her see the world through a power perspective. This mindset shows up in two different ways: some kids think “I can shape what happens to me,” while others feel “things just happen to me.”
- if your daughter receives an unwanted gift, gently shift her attention to what went well – like the fun she had at her party or other presents she enjoyed. This focus on the positive encourages her to see the good in situations, a skill that builds resilience
Building positive thinking also supports this sense of control. After school, try asking about something good that happened in her day. Talk about why it was good and how she played a part in making it happen. This simple practice helps her see herself as someone who makes good things happen in her own life.
Instead of vaguely saying, “Great drawing!” ask, “Do you like it?” This shows her that her opinion of her own work matters more than others’. It helps her build confidence from within rather than always seeking external approval.
When things get tough, help her change thoughts like “I’ll never be good at math” to “I’m practicing math, and it’s tough, but I’m improving.” Celebrate her efforts to rise after a fall, like, “You got back up – well done!” Lastly, encourage directness in asking for what she needs. Instead of vague hints like “I’m thirsty,” encourage her to ask, “Can I have a glass of water?”
Notice her skills, her creativity, and her curiosity with remarks like “That’s a big tower you’re building!” or “I love how carefully you looked for bugs!” These sorts of comments help reinforce the idea that her value lies in who she is and what she can do, not for how she looks.
When others talk about her looks, use the DRM approach – that’s D for dilution, R for redirection, and M for modeling. For example, if someone compliments her dress, point out that it’s also great for climbing trees. Show her that appearance is only one small part of who she is. At home, model this yourself by limiting your own comments about appearance, even positive ones, as these can still imply that looks are a measure of worth.
emphasize health over weight. Bodies can be healthy at many sizes – what matters is feeling good in body and mind
avoid moralizing food as “good” or “bad.” Instead, use “everyday” and “sometimes” foods, and let her choose what feels right.
Raising Girls Who Like Themselves
Today's young women stand at a fascinating crossroads. They're shattering academic records, drawing inspiration from titans like Malala and Greta, and stepping into opportunities their grandmothers never imagined. Yet beneath this gleaming surface lies a troubling reality.
In Australia, for example, nearly one in five girls aged 16 to 17 meets the criteria for clinical depression, while anxiety disorders grip one in fourteen. More alarming still is what's happening to our youngest: over half of girls as young as eight and nine years old report dissatisfaction with their bodies. This isn't just concerning – it's a crisis in the making.
This paradox – immense opportunity paired with declining mental health – reflects a deeper societal issue. Our media and social platforms bombard young minds with digitally perfected images and impossible standards. The beauty and fashion industries feed off these insecurities, suggesting that girls need to “fix” themselves to be worthy.
Yet amid this challenging landscape, there's genuine cause for optimism. Building high self-esteem and authentic self-worth is a proven shield against these cultural pressures. With the right approach, parents can nurture daughters who go further than simply weathering society's expectations, but transcend them entirely.
In this Blink, we'll explore sophisticated strategies to help your daughter develop genuine confidence – the kind that comes from within and stands firm against external pressure. Because raising a girl who truly values herself is more than just an aspiration – it's an achievable reality. Let’s get started.
Raising a girl with a strong sense of self-worth often comes down to helping her see the world through a power perspective. This mindset shows up in two different ways: some kids think “I can shape what happens to me,” while others feel “things just happen to me.”
Take the example of two girls heading to school camp: one is nervous, clinging to her parents, while the other is excitedly boarding the bus. The difference? The confident girl knows she can handle new situations, even if they’re tough or unfamiliar.
Some children naturally have this power perspective. Others may be more prone to anxiety or have faced hardships that make it harder to trust in themselves. Fortunately, this perspective can be taught and strengthened. Start by focusing on small, practical steps.
For example, if your daughter receives an unwanted gift, gently shift her attention to what went well – like the fun she had at her party or other presents she enjoyed. This focus on the positive encourages her to see the good in situations, a skill that builds resilience.
Building positive thinking also supports this sense of control. After school, try asking about something good that happened in her day. Talk about why it was good and how she played a part in making it happen. This simple practice helps her see herself as someone who makes good things happen in her own life.
When you give her praise, be thoughtful about it. Instead of vaguely saying, “Great drawing!” ask, “Do you like it?” This shows her that her opinion of her own work matters more than others’. It helps her build confidence from within rather than always seeking external approval.
When things get tough, help her change thoughts like “I’ll never be good at math” to “I’m practicing math, and it’s tough, but I’m improving.” Celebrate her efforts to rise after a fall, like, “You got back up – well done!” Lastly, encourage directness in asking for what she needs. Instead of vague hints like “I’m thirsty,” encourage her to ask, “Can I have a glass of water?”
These small steps add up to something big – they help raise a girl who approaches life with confidence, resilience, and a healthy self-worth.
Many little girls start life with a healthy curiosity and pride in their bodies. You might see a toddler fascinated with her reflection, marveling at her strength and capabilities. But as she grows, social messages often begin to chip away at this confidence. Media, peer influences, and even well-intentioned comments can all play a role in shaping how she feels about her body and herself.
In Australia, research tells us something concerning: more than half of 10-year-old girls are already trying to control their weight. This isn’t something that comes naturally – it’s something they learn, and us parents can help change this pattern.
To combat body-shaming and build stronger self-worth, start by changing how you praise her. Compliments for girls frequently center on their appearance, with remarks like “What a cute dress!” or “You have such pretty eyes!” This puts too much weight on her appearance. Instead, make an effort to recognize her actions, ideas, and interests. Notice her skills, her creativity, and her curiosity with remarks like “That’s a big tower you’re building!” or “I love how carefully you looked for bugs!” These sorts of comments help reinforce the idea that her value lies in who she is and what she can do, not for how she looks.
When others talk about her looks, use the DRM approach – that’s D for dilution, R for redirection, and M for modeling. For example, if someone compliments her dress, point out that it’s also great for climbing trees. Show her that appearance is only one small part of who she is. At home, model this yourself by limiting your own comments about appearance, even positive ones, as these can still imply that looks are a measure of worth.
Also, emphasize health over weight. Bodies can be healthy at many sizes – what matters is feeling good in body and mind. Make your home a place that supports this: skip fashion magazines, choose ad-free TV options, and promote realistic, positive body imagery.
Encourage her to trust her body’s natural signals. Teach her that “hunger cues” are natural, and avoid moralizing food as “good” or “bad.” Instead, use “everyday” and “sometimes” foods, and let her choose what feels right. By offering a variety, you’re supporting her in listening to her body without judgment or anxiety.
Finally, make exercise something she can enjoy, not something tied to body image or punishment. Show her that movement is a celebration of what her body can do – running, dancing, jumping, climbing. When exercise is joyful, it reinforces a love for her body, exactly as it is. By making these small shifts, you’re helping her grow up with confidence and a lasting, positive self-image.
Raising girls who have a strong sense of self-worth starts with teaching them that their body belongs to them. This simple but powerful idea means each person gets to make choices about their own body. For girls, this idea of body autonomy is critical in a world that often tells them they need to change their bodies to fit others’ expectations. Girls are frequently encouraged, subtly and directly, to view their bodies as objects for others to judge or control. By teaching them body autonomy, we empower them to resist this messaging and embrace themselves for who they are.
Supporting body autonomy may mean making some unexpected choices as a parent. Let your daughter wear that sparkly princess dress to the supermarket or dye her hair blue, as long as it’s safe and non-permanent.
But what about when she asks to wax her legs because someone told her they’re “too hairy”? This is different. You can help her see that changing her body because of what others think isn’t really making her own choice. In these cases, it’s crucial to help her understand that her self-worth shouldn’t be defined by others’ expectations.
Many of us were raised to give relatives kisses or hugs, sometimes even if we didn’t want to. This taught us that making others happy was more important than our comfort. Give your daughter permission to say no. If she’s uncomfortable with a kiss or cuddle, offer alternatives like a high five or a wave. Though it may be challenging if a grandparent feels slighted, your daughter will learn that her body is her own, and that she has the right to refuse, even if it causes some discomfort.
Masturbation, too, is part of normal bodily self-discovery. If you see your daughter touching her genitals, avoid shaming her or telling her it’s “dirty.” Instead, teach her that self-exploration is natural and that many women engage in it as they grow up. Just explain it's private, like other things we learn about time and place – the same way we learn scissors don't belong in the sandpit. By guiding her in a calm, shame-free way, you’ll encourage a healthy understanding of her body.
A recent Australian study found that 47 percent of children engage in three or more after-school activities per week, and 43 percent of families hadn’t done any spontaneous activities in the past month. While sports and hobbies can be beneficial, too much scheduling can leave girls feeling anxious and depleted. When we fill up the calendar, we often squeeze out something really important – unstructured play time. This kind of play helps children build creativity, bounce back from setbacks, and learn who they are.
Free play is central to learning in a way that no lesson or training session can replicate. Unlike structured activities with goals and targets, true play just flows naturally. Think about when you see a child completely lost in play – what psychologists call a flow state. The world around them fades away, and they're totally free to be themselves.
When you back, let her crack the eggs and pour the flour. Have her carry her own school bag and make her bed. These small acts build confidence and help her feel in charge of her world. Let her speak up in social situations too, like at the doctor’s office or restaurants. If she’s nervous, practice at home first. Remind her that her voice matters, and help her understand that her opinions are valued.
As girls grow, their natural drive to master new skills is often stifled by a fear of failure, influenced by the pressure to “color inside the lines.” Teach her to see failure as an essential part of growth. Praise her persistence, her courage, and the progress she’s made – even if she hasn’t yet achieved her goal.
“We want our daughters to be curious and independent and ambitious. We want them to make good choices, to have the resilience to bounce back from their ‘it seemed like a good idea at the time’ decisions, and to possess the strength to recover from plain bad luck.”
“the more conscious you are of the way you were parented, the more likely you are to make better decisions when it comes to raising your daughter.”
Children don’t need perfect parents. They just need good-enough parents
“Why is this happening? Why are girls who appear to be swimming in a world of opportunity drowning in insecurity and self-loathing? Because the world can be toxic for girls. We know that’s a big claim, but the reality is that many girls are growing up in a society where they will be invisible if they don’t act sexy, and be branded a slut if they do.”
Read
May 31, 2025I found it at times repetitive and would have emphasized a few different ideas, especially in the chapter recaps.
April 24, 2023
Useful. Not only for girls and moms, but also to dads and sons. Pile of tips and tricks how we could communicate and choose wordings so we would empower our kids. All the familiar topics are covered:
- how to be critical, how to deal with criticism
- how to praise
- how do deal with physical closeness (hugging, kissing, etc)
- how to encourage studying, time-planning
- how to be confident
- friendships, communication
- etc.
As the author put it - in the end of the day it's our job as parents to raise children who don't need us ;)
- how to be critical, how to deal with criticism
- how to praise
- how do deal with physical closeness (hugging, kissing, etc)
- how to encourage studying, time-planning
- how to be confident
- friendships, communication
- etc.
As the author put it - in the end of the day it's our job as parents to raise children who don't need us ;)
May 16, 2024
A lot of great topics are covered. I think you can replace “girls” with “children” as most topics relate to raising boys, as well. Some topics hit home all too well and some caused me to dig deep into my own upbringing and issues. Not only is it a book on parenting and raising a child, but also bettering yourself and unpacking your own baggage. Oof. I have a lot of things to ponder…
December 13, 2024
2.5 stars
Insightful, confronting and thought-provoking, with a lot of evidence-based information on parenting and commentary on specific issues surrounding what it’s like to grow up as a girl – many that I haven’t even begun to consider as I navigate the early stages of parenthood. There was plenty of research in here with citations that I’ll be delving into, but I believe many will appreciate having access to information in lay terms.
I listened to this as an audiobook and also read it when I wasn’t able to listen. Unfortunately this is the main reason for my low rating despite finding the content generally helpful – I simply could not stand the author’s voice. Australian accents almost always make me cringe, but her voice was high-pitched and grating, and some parts she read out with a hint of a braying laugh that just sounded so condescending. I found myself being distracted by how my ears hurt. And then I’d rewind and cringe as I listened again.
While there were lots of practical tips and advice where actual evidence-based resources were cited, I vehemently did not agree with this part of the book where the authors cited and praised how Kirsten Bell, of all people, deals with her children throwing tantrums. Kirsten Bell apparently says to her children, something like: “you’re welcome to have tantrums but do them in the bedroom and cry there so you don’t ruin everybody else’s evening.”
Ummm what.
Since when did Kirsten Bell become a child psychologist or a neuroscientist? Children need connection and support the most when a tantrum occurs – sending them away to the bedroom to deal with it themselves signals to them that mum and dad cannot handle their negative emotions, and only want them around when they are ‘good’. (Recommended read: Good Inside by Dr Becky Kennedy)
Anyway. The rest of the book had helpful parenting tips that I haven’t yet come across. Would only recommend if you’re raising a girl and wanting a book on topics that has been (mostly) well-researched.
Insightful, confronting and thought-provoking, with a lot of evidence-based information on parenting and commentary on specific issues surrounding what it’s like to grow up as a girl – many that I haven’t even begun to consider as I navigate the early stages of parenthood. There was plenty of research in here with citations that I’ll be delving into, but I believe many will appreciate having access to information in lay terms.
I listened to this as an audiobook and also read it when I wasn’t able to listen. Unfortunately this is the main reason for my low rating despite finding the content generally helpful – I simply could not stand the author’s voice. Australian accents almost always make me cringe, but her voice was high-pitched and grating, and some parts she read out with a hint of a braying laugh that just sounded so condescending. I found myself being distracted by how my ears hurt. And then I’d rewind and cringe as I listened again.
While there were lots of practical tips and advice where actual evidence-based resources were cited, I vehemently did not agree with this part of the book where the authors cited and praised how Kirsten Bell, of all people, deals with her children throwing tantrums. Kirsten Bell apparently says to her children, something like: “you’re welcome to have tantrums but do them in the bedroom and cry there so you don’t ruin everybody else’s evening.”
Ummm what.
Since when did Kirsten Bell become a child psychologist or a neuroscientist? Children need connection and support the most when a tantrum occurs – sending them away to the bedroom to deal with it themselves signals to them that mum and dad cannot handle their negative emotions, and only want them around when they are ‘good’. (Recommended read: Good Inside by Dr Becky Kennedy)
Anyway. The rest of the book had helpful parenting tips that I haven’t yet come across. Would only recommend if you’re raising a girl and wanting a book on topics that has been (mostly) well-researched.
April 17, 2025
While some of this can be slightly helpful if it’s new information, some is extreme. Like not telling your daughter she’s beautiful too often so you don’t build her up to always think of her looks. I tell my daughter how beautiful she is just as much as I tell her how smart and kind and good she is. Some parts were extreme in the case of not carrying their child’s backpack on their walks to school even if they ask. Because children can do it themselves. I’m all for fostering independence but this seems a bit much.
For a book that focuses so much on women being the same as any other person that sure did put a little end of the chapter just for dads. When bringing up that there is an extra bit for dads they essentially say “we get you’re busy so here is a little “tip for dads” so you don’t have to listen to the whole chapter!” Hypocritical.
For a book that focuses so much on women being the same as any other person that sure did put a little end of the chapter just for dads. When bringing up that there is an extra bit for dads they essentially say “we get you’re busy so here is a little “tip for dads” so you don’t have to listen to the whole chapter!” Hypocritical.
April 9, 2023
I really wanted to love this book. It just missed the mark for me though. It feels a bit all over the place.
I think if they focused on an age like 3 to 6 it would have been much better.
I think the author also misunderstood the law of attraction like many people do. The law of attraction or manifesting isn’t about making a vision board and oh it’ll come to me. It is about becoming crystal clear on your goals and who you want to be if you use it correctly. I am a bit into woo woo stuff though some people will always just write it off though.
There were some good points but I dunno maybe just not exactly what I needed or expected.
I think if they focused on an age like 3 to 6 it would have been much better.
I think the author also misunderstood the law of attraction like many people do. The law of attraction or manifesting isn’t about making a vision board and oh it’ll come to me. It is about becoming crystal clear on your goals and who you want to be if you use it correctly. I am a bit into woo woo stuff though some people will always just write it off though.
There were some good points but I dunno maybe just not exactly what I needed or expected.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 21, 2022
Απαραιτητο αναγνωσμα για γονείς "παιδιων" γενικότερα.
June 10, 2025
Σε γενικές γραμμές το βιβλίο «μεγαλώνοντας κορίτσια που αγαπούν τον εαυτό τους» είναι ειλικρινές και χωρίς ταμπού. Και ναι, αφήστε το κορίτσι σας να αποφασίσει εκείνο αν θέλει να βάψει τα χείλη του ή αν θέλει να αγγίξει το σώμα του και το αιδοίο του, μη του το απαγορεύσετε γιατί με αυτόν τον τρόπο νιώθει απελευθερωμένο και μιλήστε του για τους κινδύνους που μπορεί να αντιμετωπίσει αν δεν γνωρίζει πως λέγεται το γεννητικό του όργανο και τι αυτό αποτελεί για το κορίτσι ακόμα και αν ντρέπεστε επειδή το κορίτσι σας είναι μικρό. Μπράβο στις Εκδόσεις Διόπτρα για τα βιβλία γονεικότητας που εκδίδει. Φανταστείτε δεν είμαι μητέρα ούτε αγοριού, ούτε κοριτσιού και όμως μου άρεσαν πολύ το «μεγαλώνοντας αγόρια που αγαπούν τον εαυτό τους» και το «μεγαλώνοντας κορίτσια που αγαπούν τον εαυτό τους». Μέσα στο βιβλίο αναφέρεται επίσης και η προοπτική ισχύος όπου όταν την έχει ένα κορίτσι βασίζεται στις ικανότητές του και δεν περιμένει οι άλλοι να το βοηθήσουν αλλά και η σύνδεση του κοριτσιού με την εξωτερική του εμφάνιση και τι συνέπειες μπορεί να δημιουργήσουν στην υγεία του κοριτσιού τα λανθασμένα πρότυπα ομορφιάς.
April 10, 2024
3.5 ⭐️
This definitely has some practical tips in it and I appreciated a majority of the reading. I listened to this on audio and that may be partial to why I didn’t enjoy it more. Definitely makes you think about how you were raised by your own parents. I agreed with most of the points in this and like how it was broken down. There were a couple things I felt like I couldn’t completely agree with and were more situational when it came to the power perspective (achieving your dreams) and also giving affirmation…or well, not giving it lol… (as an individual that does better when given words of affirmation). I found the “good girl” syndrome toward the end of the text a bit interesting, because that is definitely me and it made me a little more aware of how to combat that when raising my own daughter. Part of the text seemed very “growth mindset”, but it was never credited. I also felt like a few things became repetivive. Overall, a good and informative read.
This definitely has some practical tips in it and I appreciated a majority of the reading. I listened to this on audio and that may be partial to why I didn’t enjoy it more. Definitely makes you think about how you were raised by your own parents. I agreed with most of the points in this and like how it was broken down. There were a couple things I felt like I couldn’t completely agree with and were more situational when it came to the power perspective (achieving your dreams) and also giving affirmation…or well, not giving it lol… (as an individual that does better when given words of affirmation). I found the “good girl” syndrome toward the end of the text a bit interesting, because that is definitely me and it made me a little more aware of how to combat that when raising my own daughter. Part of the text seemed very “growth mindset”, but it was never credited. I also felt like a few things became repetivive. Overall, a good and informative read.
September 24, 2024
ma pigem sirvisin kui lugesin selle raamatu läbi - valesti polnud siin midagi, kõik väga ilusad ja head nõuanded üldse laste (mitte ainult tüdrukute) kasvatamiseks ja inimestega (mitte ainult lastega) käitumiseks. aga midagi uut siin ka ei olnud mu jaoks. ja ma olen elus suht vähe lastekasvatusraamatuid lugenud. see kõik oli ikkagi sinna suunda, et ühe tüdruku asi elus ei ole oma vanematele, õpetajatele, peikadele ja üldse ühiskonnale rõõmu teha, vaid ise rõõmus ja rahul olla. et laps ei pea pidama dieeti, tohib valida endale riided ja soengu ja meigi ja hobid ja eriala, otsustab ise, kas ta tahab kedagi musitada-kallistada, võib öelda nii ei kui jah ja on armastatud ka siis, kui ta ei ole päris selline inimene, nagu vanemad ette kujutasid, et võiks olla. just!
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