Losing Young: How to Grieve When Your Life is Just Beginning: How to Grieve When Your Life is Just Beginning

by Rachel Wilson

‘An incredibly useful take on facing grief as a young person’ CARIAD LLOYD 'Brilliantly, brilliantly written … Packed with clarity, curiosity and courage' FELIX WHITE ‘It turned on so many lights for me … What a profoundly helpful book’ KATHRYN MANNIX Grief does something particular when it hits you young. This book is a moving exploration of that transformative pain, from the founder of The Grief Network. Rachel Wilson’s mother died when Rachel was in her twenties. It felt like the definitive end of childhood, a loss that rewired her perspective on life, death, relationships and who she was as a person.

In this book, Rachel brings together other stories of bereavement with her own, encountering people who have lost parents, siblings, partners and friends at a young age. Losing Young draws on psychological research, interviews with titans like Julia Samuel and explorations of grief in what happens in a time of war or pandemic, when the many grieve – or struggle to – together? How do different cultures process the end of a life differently? How can the grief of losing a parent return in strange form when one thinks about having children? What do TV and fiction get disastrously, unhelpfully wrong?

This is a personal and profound book about what happens when youth is reshaped by tragedy, trauma and loss. It’s for anyone who mourns a lost future, who is struggling to find themselves after grief, or hopes to feel less alone.

Genres: Grief, Nonfiction, Self Help

Audible Audio

First published August 17, 2023

About the author

Rachel Wilson is a writer and founder of The Grief Network: a community for bereaved young people. She has written for The Guardian, The Times, The New Statesman, VICE, i-D and more. Currently based in London, she has lived in Melbourne, Paris and Berlin, where she has worked as an editor and translator. Her work has a strong focus on sexuality, grief, culture and place.

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Reviews

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

‘For the young griever, the death cleaves life in two: there is the you before they died, and the you after they died’

[Kiarra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Validating and comforting ❤️

[Ellie Hutson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Niche read lol - but very insightful and interesting read on losing a parent in your 20’s🩵

[Inge Vliek · Rating 5 out of 5]

All I want from a book about grief is for it to make me feel seen, understood, and less alone and this one did exactly that.

This book managed to sum up how I've felt on many different occasions in ways I never could myself, which only shows how important and powerful this book is for anyone who has lost someone at a young age. What's especially brilliant about this is that Wilson makes it feel like a friend is talking to you, while also striking the perfect balance between research-based insights and personal stories, making it both deeply relatable and genuinely insightful.

I’ll be recommending it to anyone navigating grief, and I know I’ll keep returning to the pages I’ve tabbed and highlighted for years to come.

[Molly Fandrey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just SO good, it was like every thought in my head was on the page

[Finn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Irgendwie richtig wichtiges Buch für mich

[Millie Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Needed that

[Aisling Keogh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Combination of research and anecdotes/different peoples personal experiences. Highly recommend to anyone experiencing grief or even those around them.

[Lori Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Preordered this book because as soon as I heard about it I knew I needed to read it. Lost my mum last year at 27 and felt really lost in terms of a community as none of my friends had experienced that kind of loss. This book sums up so many of the things I’ve experienced and feelings I’ve had, and I’ve now passed it on to another young person in my bereavement group as I just found it so relatable. A must read for anyone who has experienced a loss at this time in their lives.

[Cliona Walker · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really insightful book for someone who has not lost young but who has a close friend who has. It gave me a lot of perspective on the range of different ways people may feel and cope. It has aided my understanding of what losing young may be like & how I can help support my friend.

[Lucy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this book and found it very relevant and validating with dealing with grief young.

Messages from book:

Death teaches you something about living

Grief is so isolating and lonely because we don’t have the language to articulate it and people act like it’s contagious and a topic we can’t discuss

You are not your thoughts. You’re just the person that hears them.

Silence being attached to deal with tragedy (remembrance day)

Bereaved helped by continuing to foster relationship with deceased (study on children anc partners showed invoking memories and imagining them watching over them etc)

Can only grieve to extent of our lived experience , we can imagine future milestones to grieve at (2nd child etc) but that loss can only be felt in real time when it occurs

We also grieve for what the person lost themselves- the experiences they never got etc. losing a parent when young means our grief continues to touch us at each life stage (thinking of that person and what they missed out on)

When faced with grief it can make you fearful of dealing with it again
But also have a new appreciation of life, the fragility etc and give you a resilience and maturity earlier than normal

Grief online (particularly instagrammed) were understanding their emotions THROUGH the process of emoting online (rather than posting their emotion, posting content and then feeling the emotion)

Posting online about grief feels political because goes against the norm (paying happy vibes only)

Bereavement support became so absent because informal support through the community with collective modes of grieving used to be norm but then became private grieving and isolation

Message from book- if we need a model for how to evolve bereavement support in helpful ways we can look at our distant past. We must re-socialise grief and bring it back into public arena. We must get comfortable again with death abc finality. In doing so we might just find it easier to LIVE.

Pain is agent of change.

[Madison · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t remember how I found this book… but I’m glad I did. I have been feeling alone in my grief because nobody I know, has gone through grief this young, so I haven’t felt a sense of community in my grief. Not even with my family. So reading this book made me feel better, to know there were people with similar stories to mine, suffering and feeling lost. It made me feel less alone. While it didn’t necessarily give you steps on how to grieve, it let you know you weren’t alone in any aspect of grief. I lost my mom at 22 to cancer. She had gotten diagnosed 3 months beforehand. It was a horrible and quick death, I’m thankful for the quick. Her mom (my grandma) died when my mom was 22 due to… you guessed it… cancer. Two of the most incredible women gone in their early 40s. One of the parts of the book that truly stuck out to me was the chapter on marriage and children. You can’t grieve in advance. So I will always be grieving. My mom will miss out on so many life events I will be having, but ultimately something of her will be there, because I am. I also liked when it brought up that grief will impact every decision and moment I have, because I will have lived with it longer than without when I’m hopefully old and grey. Grateful I read this book. You are not alone if you’re going through a quarter life grief either.

[Poppy Lingard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t even have the words to describe how important this book is! As someone who grieved from diagnosis (which I am only now realising) this book has helped me put words to so many of the feelings I couldn’t describe myself. It was so interesting to read about the history surrounding death and grief and how such loss has been viewed in society in the past compared to now. I loved how many perspectives were included in this book from so many different young people. It highlights how there is literally no ‘normal’ in grief and anything you are feeling is valid. I’m going to go back through this and highlight bits that resonate with me but I think I’ll be highlighting the whole book! Thank you SO much for this.

[Miranda Hale · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars. I found a lot of comfort in this. As I become more established in adulthood and in grief, I have spent more time thinking about how the person I am now has been shaped by losing my dad at 17, on the cusp of adulthood. It was comforting to sit with those who've been on similar (and also quite different) journeys at that stage of their lives.

This was really well-written and I appreciate everyone's vulnerability in sharing their stories, and especially sharing the things that aren't often said on this subject, but are very real and true. It kinda makes me think I should write down more of my own thoughts on this topic and my experiences.

[Lil · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Your path to healing in grief should be paved with people - with people who care about you and who you trust in all areas of your life. When love dies, it's the love of others you can take inside you to give you the strength to do the work of grief."

Such a wonderful book that will comfort and empower many young grievers. A good mix of professional insight and authentic stories of bereaved young adults, navigating life after the unimaginable happens.

[Genevieve · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5. Easy read with some interesting moments and ideas running through it. Definitely feels like it's aimed at a specific crowd of people, more chronically online and Gen-Z-ish than myself. But will definitely still pass on fellow grievers.

[Morgan Dykstra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Grieving Young is a powerful collection that offers deeply personal stories of how young people have experienced grief—primarily due to the loss of a parent. The book explores how that grief continues to surface throughout a griever’s life: in love, careers, friendships, marriage, parenthood, and during future losses. I found many of the stories incredibly relatable; they expressed emotions I’m currently unable to put into words myself. This isn’t a guidebook or a how-to on navigating grief—rather, it's a moving compilation of lived experiences that offers connection and understanding to anyone who has endured profound loss.

[Georgia King · Rating 4 out of 5]

Has taken me a longgg time to get through this book because it just hasn’t always been the right time. But a brilliant encapsulation of the realities of grief and losing someone you love at a young age, and it was both comforting and harrowing at the same time.

[ceciliaa29 · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was everything I expected and more, a really interesting read. It was refreshing to feel seen. Really recommend even if you’re not bereaved.

[Helen Macklon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written and articulates the messiness of grief and the range of implications of grieving. Would highly recommend.

[Daisy Dobson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very special book, this helped me a lot and I hope every young griever is recommended this as I was.

[Zee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I moved to a new city and was going on a solo contemplative walk when I stumbled upon a poster outside a bookstore advertising the launch of this book. Whatever mind space I was in drew me inside to actually purchase it and I’m so thankful I did.

Rachel is great storyteller. whether it’s sharing her story and that of others or taking you through the history of grief, her writing style is raw and engaging. Perhaps it’s because the subject matter is close to my heart or the fact that I have a soft spot for anyone sharing little pieces of themselves in any creative form. But I must admit that the content is well worth the read.

I kept trying to imagine had I had access to this book many many years ago what would it have changed. I wonder.. It was still interesting to realize that after so many years, I can still read something that gives me this lightbulb moment about a grief journey I thought I had long finished but apparently never have and never will. Not in a morbid depressing way though. In a more accepting/I’m-not-alone one I guess.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve lost a loved one or know someone who has, though. This is a book I highly recommend for everyone.

4/5 only because I wish she shared more of her voice or musings throughout. I understand though there could be a million reason why that wasn’t the case. It’s just that I just finished it and I found the epilogue to be as powerful in portraying the true facets of grief as many of the main chapters, and I wanted it to be longer somehow.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't put into words what a special book this is, I lost my mum 11 years ago when I was 17 and there are things in here that have made me feel 'seen' for the first time, there were so many moments that made me cry because I just had never thought anyone else felt the same way before. There's also lots of research that I wasn't expecting but makes it make sense about why grief particularly when your young isn't something people talk about and why there's not a lot of supprort for people in their twenties or teens. Would really recommend for anyone who lost someone when they were in their teens or twneties, or anyone who wants to understand a bit more about what a friend is going through.

[Gillian · Rating 5 out of 5]

My grief is different from that of my daughters. The futures we have lost and the past that we hold on to come from different places. I thought I should try to see our grief from their perspective and this book certainly helped me to do that.
The final chapter about online grief was perhaps the most thought provoking. Twenty first century grief allows you to connect with others much more easily than even when I was a young woman let alone a child. But that comes with many different issues, not least for those offering the online space.
An excellent read.

[Jessica Rushton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is what our generation needs. Wilson writes in a way that you feel it’s like a friend talking to you. Incredible to feel the experiences of others on grief and to slowly see that in our twenties loss is going to affect us throughout the big moments of our lives, while those who are older have perhaps already got the chance to live theirs without such grief. Powerful and a book I’ll talk about again and again.

[Jess · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was absolutely exceptional. I’ve been searching for a book to help me relate to others after the sudden passing of my mother in September and this book made me feel understood. This is a must read for young people facing bereavement who want to feel less alone in their emotions and confusion. The author sums up the feelings of grief perfectly and I am so grateful this book was written. Absolutely brilliant!

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

As heartbreaking as it is heartwarming - Rachel Wilson finds words for feelings there are no words for and manages to shine a light on the experience of people who have gone through one of the worst things you can imagine. Her writing is exceptionally beautiful and even as somebody who hasn‘t lost someone in my twenties or even earlier, I can relate to so many things Wilson is explaining

This book is touching and deeply human and confirms that humans need each other and connection
is the answer to so many questions - especially in times of despair. This conversation and the work Wilson is doing is incredibly important.

[Alice Southwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

A personal and profound read about young loss. Wilson writes thoughtfully and concisely. She poses questions about future grief and our digital afterlife as well as exploring the individual experiences of those who can be labelled as quarter-life grievers. I fall into the category of a quarter life griever and I have found this book to be incredibly insightful and reassuring.

[AW · Rating 5 out of 5]

Picked up this book 3 weeks after losing my dad at 22. Immediately saw my experience in the pages. Helped me put my thoughts into words and actually give myself time to grieve.
Will note that this is just my experience - I feel like the author did a good job of including a variety of perspectives by interviewing other young grievers but other people may not relate in the same way I did.

[trinah · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️

recently had a death in the family and this book gave me comfort. very insightful & well-written.

"For the young griever, the death cleaves life in two: there is the 'you' before they died, and the you' after they died. This feeling is often summed up when young grievers say: When they died, a part of me died with them."