3.47 / 5
”your patient holds the torch in a dark room, but does not know how to light it. you are an expert in sparks, in how to strike flint on steel, and you are blind. whether the torch is lit, and what the room looks like, you will only know from your patient’s words. but it is no easy thing to light a torch using flint on steel, in a room where neither can see. most times, you will be told that your spark has vanished into darkness, and you may be disappointed when your patient says—again —doctor, it’s just as dark as before. you must offer to try again.”
i think this was one of the best books i read. this showed the complexity of addiction and the ups and downs of navigating one without sugarcoating any of it. it was a raw, uncomfortably real, and uncompromisingly poignant portrayal.
dr. chen -
honestly, i loved reading about dr. chen and his dynamics with his approach to his profession, his patients, and also fitzgerald. at times, the way he would help claire in ways that went beyond the workings of a medical professional did make me wonder whether it was a good idea or not and if it made me uncomfortable. i still don’t know how to feel about it but it was interesting to read his approach with claire—sometimes letting her do what she wants and sometimes offering a dose of tough advice that is necessary.
claire -
she is hands-down the character who made the reading experience that i had. she is a violinist who had a shoulder injury that required a prescription of painkillers. that led to heroin and then fentanyl. it was absolutely heart-wrenching to read how intertwined was her love for music, the need to keep her music alive, and her addiction. her enabler being her own sister, molly, also posed as an obstacle that further made recovery tough.
the plot -
the plot had a number of subplots that weaved together to make a brilliant ending, in my opinion. ranging from the drug trials regarding the memorex drug that can cure addiction, fitzgerald’s approach to addiction, and the letters, it all came together in the end. and the ending, too, was neither a silver lining, a glimmer of hope, or something even close to bliss. it seemed like a price, neither an answer nor an outcome we hope for.
i would have loved to learn more about claire and molly’s childhood though. it felt like the book suffered a bit without showing a bit more of the backgrounds of the two when they, especially claire, are such an integral part of the plot.
apart from that, i might be irrationally miffed by how physician-centred it was to the point that other options for lack of a better word in the realm of addiction recovery were overlooked. in this huge city of toronto, you have so many people, organizations, and methods of support when it comes to addiction and addiction recovery. addiction counsellors, care coordinators, recovery coaches, social workers—so many people and so many ways of supports. acknowledging their work and organizations such as CAMH, JACS, oasis, and etc. would have made the narrative even stronger in my opinion.
but again, i am not a medical professional so i might not have made the most adept suggestion.
the writing -
the writing style was stiff to me, i don’t know why. maybe i am more of a person who prefers ornate and descriptive language which is why i couldn’t gel with the style but it irked me at times. but when i would read the letters, i would be taken aback by how easily i was able to smooth through the text.