Women and Girls on the Autism Spectrum (Second Edition): Understanding Life Experiences from Early Childhood to Old Age

by Sarah Hendrickx

Comprehensive overview of autism in females with lived experience accounts and latest research.

The difference that being female makes to the diagnosis, life and experiences of an autistic person is hugely significant. In this widely expanded second edition, Sarah Hendrickx combines the latest research with personal stories from girls and women on the autism spectrum to present a picture of their feelings, thoughts and experiences at each stage of their lives.

Outlining the likely impact will be for autistic women and girls throughout their lifespan, Hendrickx surveys everything from diagnosis, childhood, education, adolescence, friendships and sexuality, to employment, pregnancy, parenting, and aging.

With up-to-date content on masking, diagnosis later in life, and a new focus on trans and non-binary voices, as well as a deeper dive into specific health and wellbeing implications including menopause, PCOS, Hypermobility/Ehlers-Danlos, autistic burnout, and alexithymia, this is an invaluable companion for professionals, as well as a guiding light for women with autism to understand and interpret their own experience in context.

Genres: Nonfiction, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Psychology, Disability, Audiobook, Self Help, Womens

Audible Audio

Published January 18, 2024

About the author

Sarah Hendrickx is an autistic author, speaker and freelance writer. She is author of 8 published books on a variety of subjects - autism, cookery and overseas living. Sarah also writes monthly columns on overseas living for Standard Issue magazine and Mediterranean Gardening and Outdoor Living magazines as well as articles for web and print.

Reviews

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This one opened emotional and mental doors for me. While I don't have an official diagnosis, I've taken many online tests in the past few years that confirm I'm on the spectrum. I may look into getting clinically diagnosed eventually. Right now, my mind is blown by this book. My specific list of health problems and sensory issues! The way I think and the way I am! How I felt growing up! It's a lot. I'm angry this context arrived so late in my life (shut up—I’m 37 going on 107), but happy to have it at all. I've had to stop reading several times to give myself more time to process how strongly I relate to the experiences shared by other autistic women in this book. What a good read!

[Nico · Rating 4 out of 5]

That awkward moment when you realise your entire life is a checklist of symptoms nobody noticed...

An entire audiobook over ten hours long that covers everything. From being the weird child at school who threw up on other students because the rice wasn't the correct temperature to being a grown-ass adult who still trips over their own feet...

I feel like I either need to become an activist or a serial killer with a manifesto at this point. No middle ground.

[Jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars, rounding down

Where the author is speaking from her area of expertise (autism in white women/girls, broadly) and from her own experience, I think this is a solid self-help book.

Where she goes outside that, it tends to veer between mediocre and yikes.

The food chapter: one of the strongest, I am glad she brought her daughter in for that one.

The gender & sexuality: easily the weakest. Like basic misunderstanding of concepts. Asexuality and aromanticism are not the same thing, asexuality is about attraction not libido, if you can't figure out from your own words why you had no "cis-gender women who live as men" volunteer to participate -- you're not qualified to write about this topic, frankly.

Also, intersex people exist. Not in this book, but in reality there are autistic intersex women.

One thing that really bugged me was how she kept comparing autistic women with neurotypical women, but some of the things she described as NT are not uncommon for people with ADHD or CPTSD or other kinds of neurodivergence. And it's not like she didn't know the word allistic exists, because she used explainer brackets when it showed up in an interview. It bothers me both on a pedantic level and because it seems to erase neurodivergent women who aren't solely autistic.

And finally, the reason I am rounding down instead of up: the frequent use of the word Asperger's in a book published this recently. At this point, the only people I still hear regularly saying Asperger are, if not outright white supremacist then at the very least openly eugenicist. So to continuously read it in a book with only a token acknowledgement that autistic women of color exist gives me the ick. (If the author has addressed this and said something like "this is the term I am used to and comfortable with and I recognize that others are concerned about the name" I probably would have a different reaction. But it's not addressed at all, and I was looking for it.)

[Elly Campbell · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ok, here’s the rewrite to replace my giant emotional tangent:

There were many great aspects of this book: self acceptance, accommodations without shame, navigating relationships, cathartic depictions of autistic girlhood and isolation.

However, my biggest gripe with Hendrickx’s nonfiction book is it’s rather limiting and isolating. She appears to take special care noting the world is not built for autistics, furthering the idea that one will always be an outcast or misfit. Her and her interviewees often use the words “can’t” or “cannot” and this self-limitation bothers me, especially when she prescribes an neurodivergent routine that essentially encourages autistic women to further other and isolate themselves from a “a world not built for them.” And let’s be honest, this world isn’t built for anyone except the ultra rich. I wish she offered women and girls accommodation ideas for things such as sensory problems while still encouraging them to further their tolerances of others, different environments, and the unpredictable. I would have rather read a book that helps women recognize how much more difficult certain things can be for them while teaching them to heavily celebrate those successful navigations. I wish she left the doom and gloom behind instead of her laundry lists of physical and mental health problems from stress. Celebration counters stress. I wish it was more of a Solzhenitsyn or Dostoyevsky approach on the merits of suffering, especially when one stays truthful to themselves and still endures. This doesn’t mean one shouldn’t take breaks or shirk accommodations, but one shouldn’t be a slave to their comfort. At least to me that’s such a sorry way to live.

Another thing which bothered me was when the author puts down other women. In the closing statements she writes, “Please don't ever ever compare yourself to a neurotypical girl or woman; they are a different species and you'll only feel inadequate and bad about yourself, because you'll compare yourself them socially rather than in the numerous ways your ability exceeds theirs .” This is so anti-feminist and slightly pick me. It’s important to have people in one’s life who think differently, especially older women who have a wide arrange of wisdom to bestow on younger women and girls. It does not matter if they are different-women always have things to teach and learn from other women.

I believe this book is a helpful read for a neurodivergent who is looking for self-acceptance or the identification of autistic tendencies. But if one wishes not to be tormented by the author’s prescribed limitations, go ahead and rip out the chapters on health problems, aging autistic women, and ESPECIALLY that last chapter.

[Jemma Love · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very listenable in the car, as a teacher and neurodiverse person (ADHD), I found that the personal stories and insights from the author were helpful in understanding my own autistic traits and those of some of my students. However, I wouldn’t say there’s anything particularly revelatory here, and this is more a collection of experiences and a literature review. Perhaps this information would have felt more digestible in a podcast format (The ADHD Adults’ Podcast tackles a topic a week). Not sure exactly what was missing, just felt like a recount rather than a discussion.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was very well written and informative but at the same time accessible as the author included many quotes of personal experiences of autistic women.

[Rachel Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was the first autistic book I read after being diagnosed. There was a lot of helpful information in it and I did find a lot of it very affirming. After decades of feeling isolated by the ways I've felt, it was comforting to relate to so many things.

I will say, I've had something of a honeymoon period post-diagnosis: I've been so happy to finally have an answer that makes sense of me but this book did bring me down to earth slightly. There were many things in it about how much danger we are in regarding abuse, addictions and general potential health concerns. Learning these statistics for the first time was sobering (no pun intended).

A few of the women's testimonies also talked about how they enjoy the company of men more because of how messy and catty women are. One woman described 'thinking' like a man and being 'sensible, logical, even-tempered, no-nonsense, emotionally-level' but enjoying 'feminine' things like 'make-up, hairstyles, clothes, nailcare, grooming, decoration, cooking'. It seemed quite reductive to me, very binary and felt like they were describing old stereotypes of men being the logical, important ones and women the frivolous and shallow ones. It felt like some internalised misogyny was being displayed which didn't sit well with me - the most enriching and caring relationships I have are with my female friends who are fully-rounded people. We all contain multitudes and I am very wary of stereotypes.

Ultimately, I am glad I read it. I got a lot from it and it made me feel less alone and there was helpful information in it.

[kenna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Delving into the intricacies of being women on the autism spectrum, Hendrickx sheds light on the often overlooked and misconstrued reality of neurodivergent women. Pairing personal accounts and research, this book provides great insight—fostering understanding and compassion towards a more inclusive world. I can critique some small aspects of this book here and there (mainly what I view as internalized misogyny from some contributors), but it didn’t hinder my reading experience much at all. I deeply appreciated the layout, the perspectives from a multitude of women, and general education on this subject. Truly meaningful—more than I could really articulate right now. Whether you may be on the spectrum yourself or know someone on the spectrum, this is worth the read.

4.75 stars

[Emmy Henriksen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. It really helped me to understand myself, and I felt SEEN. Listened as an audiobook whilst tavelling, and it was just fantastic. Would recommend this book to anyone, especially family members.

[nas · Rating 2 out of 5]

2 ⭐️

Tedious to get through but anecdotes and personal insights were genuinely interesting.

[Hanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Informative and interesting, easy to read and not too bogged down in jargon! Bit depressing though lol

[Marley Rollins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sooo thorough and relatable and full of interesting insights. I loved that it wasn’t just dry statistics, there were lots of quotes from women with autism of all ages and I loved that the author was autistic and able to speak about her own lived experience too. There are so many random little things I do that I’ve always thought were weird and it turns out they’re a shared autism experience. This has been so great 🩷

[Em Corbeil · Rating 5 out of 5]

so i am seeking an assessment now 💜

[Breanna Biegel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book holds immense value for me, and I found it to be so incredibly beautiful. The inclusion of girls and women’s personal experiences and perspectives, as well as those from the younger girls’ trusted adults, throughout the book was incredibly powerful. I appreciated the presenting of diverse perspectives from individuals at various stages and life paths. I took my time with this book and took so many notes along the way.

One aspect I have an immense amount of appreciation for is the author’s decision to publish a second edition! This feels like a rare occurrence in research and understanding, especially in a rapidly evolving world like ours. The past decade has witnessed significant changes, and new areas of this spectrum have emerged, such as sexuality and gender identity, workplace dynamics, eating disorders, and so much more. The second edition provided valuable insights into these evolving areas.

I literally want to share this book with everyone I can. It is essential, beneficial, validating, supportive, and offers actionable steps for those of us who are professionals, individuals with the diagnosis, or both.

This book felt so *real* to me, and allowed the space for neurodivergent women to be neurodivergent women, acknowledging and accepting who they are, how they operate, the difficulties and strengths that brings, and how in the world to navigate this society we’ve found ourselves in.

[Hess · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is, in all respects, a significant improvement over its predecessor. For those not familiar, it provides an overview of the various life experiences that women with autism (can) have, while emphasizing that there is no one-size-fits-all experience.

Criticisms: if you're already familiar with the discourse on how autism presents in women, then this book may not offer much in the way of new insight. Moreover, the authors draw a fairly straight (and unnecessarily narrow) line between autistic and NT women, when actually plenty of women may have other forms of neurodivergence, and also NT women are just women trying to make the best of it. (The internalised misogyny is real with this one).

Related to the above: the many eyebrow-raising comments from the first edition (both from the author and her contributors) are still here. What has improved is that these comments are now contextualised better and that the author opens up further about her own experiences. What's also improved is that the sample of women the author(s) have spoken to is much bigger.

If you are a woman and have wondered, "could this be me?" then this is a very worthwhile read. That said, for a more hopeful + actionable outlook on navigating society with autism, I would actually recommend Luke Beardon's Autism and Asperger syndrome in adults over this.

[Marzena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yet another book proving the history usually omits half the population.

I delved into the subject out of curiosity, and found myself feeling like a med student going through internal medicine textbook, self-diagnosing with each malady. I don't know where it leaves me, undiagnosed for one, but given the insufficient number of studies throughout decades, I am wary to draw conclusions.

Obviously listening to an audiobook gives you little means to dive into bibliography (however maddening it was too hear each source - with page number included!), and the author did try to give voice to multiple interviewees, providing a variety of perspectives.

Getting to the point: I'm not an expert in the field, but the experience was enjoyable.

[A.V. · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm calling it. I tried to be interested in this over multiple months without success. I've gotten through or to nearly every chapter and I don't want to go through it again.

It *is* set apart from similar books by focusing on qualitative/survey-based research and including direct quotes from that work. However, I still vastly prefer those other authors.

[Lorna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very very helpful. Grounded in an excellent mix of research and personal experiences, this was hugely helpful and insightful. Loses a star because in the audio book version I found it hard to distinguish between quotes of others and the authors text.

[Carter Olendzenski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being an AFAB person, this book was invaluable! So many follow up books to read! Being autistic can be a lonely experience, and relating to so much that the author said made me feel that less alone.

[Cristina Costache · Rating 5 out of 5]

Can’t recommend this book enough!! As an AuDHD paediatrician there is so much I didn’t know about myself, this brought so many Eureka moments!
Would live to hopefully see more about ARFID in the next edition whenever it will come out💙

[Mar · Rating 3 out of 5]

(3,5/5)

[Naiomi · Rating 3 out of 5]

there is some really insightful things in this book! i’m not sure if it’s the way it was written or just a bleak consequence of being autistic in a world not suited for it, but it was quite a hard read. i often had to put it down and return when i was in a better headspace, as there are a lot of statistics and opinions and facts that lowered my mood. however, the author and many of those interviewed in the book were older than me and later diagnosed, so likely had a much harder time being understood than i have or will. i think maybe this book is better for older autistic women who are seeking explanations, for me this made me a little fearful for my future lol. however there were some passages that i felt extremely understood by and fascinating research !! i think i’d recommend portions of this book to female autistic friends, not necessarily the book in its entirety

[JoeAnn Gleinn · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s a lovely book, and there’s 2 pieces that I like. One was how there’s one of the examples of a special interest, a woman went from liking the bbc Sherlock to the Robert Downey jr Sherlock to the OG Arthur Conan Doyle Sherlock then proceeds to like the things that the actors in those shows or movies also were in (like how Watson was the CIA dude in black Panther or how Benedict cumberbatch was the main character in the movie about the inigma machine. I also like at the end where the writer says “you are alright just as you are”

[Elisabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book resonated with me. However, I felt a significant opportunity was missed to explore the experiences of autistic women who, whether single or partnered, do not desire children. Not all woman have an inbuilt desire to have children. Including such narratives and research would not only offer much-needed validation for this segment of the female population, but also contribute to a richer, more accurate portrayal of the diverse spectrum of autistic experiences.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I learned so much from this book & loved the insert quotes written by austic women. This is like what I would describe as "an autism bible" ~ a great reference book to keep on hand to refer to from time to time.

[Andrea]

Pretty good read honestly but something where I'm probably not going to rate it for reasons. It's good in terms of how it contextualises ASD as it relates to women and showing so many testimonies with women who come to terms with themselves and really the sort of late revelations people have with themselves realising that they're autistic and things starting to make sense. I actually felt this book was quite harrowing at points because it really can become quite extensive in terms of bullying and I guess this like central theme of societal imposition, and just about showing how structural frameworks will really never understand autism, even if it is beneficial for everyone to do so. It's like yeah, big horror story of like nobody reconciling with things and an insistence on imposition even if it winds up having zero benefit on anyone involved.

Also something I thought was interesting was that this really contextualised for me themes in my own life of paranoia and I guess just this like zero to a hundred feeling I've had of thinking that random strangers were out to get me and taking things at face value. Gender identity and transgender issues are explored at one point and, being something of testimonials, it shows people who like think of themselves as being transgender when it's probably more gender non-conformity more than anything else, and then there's people who actually go through with procedures with regards to changing sex. Weirdly I do think transgender and autistic experiences overlap a lot in terms of central themes with regards to societal imposition crossed with people who suggest antithetical solutions to problems you face, and I guess this like omnipresent existential horror of people who like always regard your existence as being in some way a burden. Weirdly I tend to think less and less about issues relating to autism with the existential horror that I did even as little as seven years ago, but there's still aspects where I'm thinking like "Yikes, you know." Actually thought a passage in this was about the horror of "taking things at face value and fears that by transitioning your life will fall apart and you will face tonnes of discrimination" really stood out to me a lot because good god, you know. Transgender women are of course considered under the umbrella of "women and girls on the autism spectrum" here. What I find nice is the lack of pontification in these parts, rather just stating the facts that gender nonconformity is way, way more common among people on the autistic spectrum.

It's just weird because I think also male and female experiences with autistic spectrum disorder do kind of overlap a lot, and it's probably difficult to talk about the topic moreover because I think it can probably trend towards stereotyping and gender essentialism where one thing is imposed as being a "male" behaviour and the other a "female" behaviour. Also interesting how the Simon Baron-Cohen theory of "extreme male brain" theory pops up at one point, which I've always thought was a bit suspect. See, I don't really lack empathy so much as it's something where it can bounce a lot between being a bit shallow to like extremities bordering on the character Will Graham in the movie Manhunter (1986) where I feel like I'm way, way too empathetic and lost in like trying to figure people out. So many peoples' experiences with it differ so it's nice to just see the amount of testimonials in here and who knows. So many autistic people really don't realise that they're autistic because of what they're understanding of autism really can be and connecting it with themselves. Heck, I had this with ADHD and I'm thinking "You know, my brain and the way I interact with the world maps up with ADHD so much." after like 25 years of being in my brain.

This book was definitely interesting for me because it was something where it did kind of challenge some of my perspective with regards to autism and I guess it does give me a lot of material to be discursive with so it does have that going for it.

[kashiichan · Rating 4 out of 5]

There wasn't much information in this book that was truly new to me, but the personal anecdotes (of both the author and other people) were really helpful to better understand the topic being discussed. I particularly liked the sections on intense interests (p123), later years (p137), gender identity and sexuality (p179), pregnancy and parenting (p215), eating (p271), and suicidal ideation (p339). The chapter ‘Living Well in a Non-autistic World’ provided a useful and tangible way to look at the world differently.

The equation ‘Autism + Environment = Outcome’ was a good way of summarising how influential the environment is on autistic folks. It's very important to identify the factors which have caused the outcome (whether positive or negative), and find ways to either avoid them or incorporate more of them into our life.

I also really liked the the References section included properly-cited studies, so that people can look up the sources if they want to.

I think this is an important read, particularly for people who are early in their autism journey, as it ‘humanises’ the jargon and offers examples of the myriad ways autism presents in people (particularly autistic women and girls).

The cover/edition of the book I read is not currently listed on Goodreads. (ISBN: 9781805010692)

[Julie]

I like that this book was targeted at someone essentially in my exact situation. There isn’t a lot of information on women and girls with autism, given that most of the research was done on cis white boys. There’s been more research done in the past decade or so, which Hendrickx seeks to disseminate in this book, along with first-person accounts from a few dozen interviews. I thought the first few chapters were the least useful (as they were on the process of getting a formal diagnosis), and I didn’t necessarily remember enough of my childhood for the “childhood” chapter to be useful, but the chapters on adulthood and old age were interesting. And the later part of the book, in which each chapter delved into a particular aspect of life (such as social relationships, employment, and health and wellbeing, were generally quite good. (Albeit sometimes not applicable to me, such as the chapter on parenting.) All told, it was perhaps a bit more dry than some of the other autism books I’ve read, but made up for it by being highly targeted to my situation. I was especially interested in the section on how menopause might affect autistic women differently, and will definitely try to read up more on that.

[Bea Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

As an Autistic girl, I often read up on my disorder- I suppose in hopes that I'll understand it better, I'd say it's more so to help my imposter syndrome. I find non-fiction books difficult to read as I'm most comfortable in Sci-fi so the formatting slows me down a bit, but it was nice to hear anecdotes from other women going through similar issues to me. It also helps prepare me for future issues with my disorder.

I suppose the reason why I've struck a star is mainly because I found it difficult to read which I attribute is more a fault of my own, but I don't like lying about my experiences with the books I read.
I'd also say that because experiences with autism varies between people, I found it difficult to relate to how the author spoke about autism as a whole- again though, that's a personal issue rather than a fault of the author and book as a whole.

[liv · Rating 4 out of 5]

this was an incredibly personal and emotional read for me - as someone who always has never ‘fit in’ and felt different but somehow never connected the dots and has always put it down to social anxiety.

i really did resonate with so much in this book. it covered areas i didn’t even think were possible, and there were so many moments i felt so seen by the author but also the countless testimonies which was like having a perfectly flowing conversation with someone you have known a lifetime???

I don’t know what the future holds for me in terms of exploring my potential neurodiversity/autism however i am so grateful to this book for explaining everything so perfectly. starting and finishing this was like a sort of grieving process but I hope that one day i can come to terms with the brain i was given.