I'm Not Really Here

by Gary Lonesborough

A wonderful coming-of-age queer romance from the multi award-winning author of The Boy from the Mish.

When 17-year-old Jonah arrives in a new town – Patience – with his dad and younger brothers, it feels like a foreign place. A new town means he needs to make new friends - which isn't always easy. Especially when he's wrestling with his body image, and his memories of his mother.

When he joins the local footy team so he can spend more time with his new crush, Harley, he feels like he's moving closer to something good. But even though he knows what he wants, it doesn't mean he's ready.

Emotionally compelling, honest and featuring warm and authentically vulnerable characters, I'm Not Really Here is a beautiful novel from an internationally acclaimed bestselling Indigenous author about navigating family and friendships, and finding a way through grief towards love.

Genres: Young Adult, Queer, Contemporary, Romance, LGBT, Indigenous, Fiction

Audible Audio

Published September 3, 2024

About the author

Gary Lonesborough is a Yuin man, who grew up on the Far South Coast of NSW as part of a large and proud Aboriginal family. Growing up a massive Kylie Minogue and North Queensland Cowboys fan, Gary was always writing as a child, and continued his creative journey when he moved to Sydney to study at film school. Gary has experience working in Aboriginal health, the disability sector (including experience working in the Youth Justice System), and the film industry. He was Bega Valley Shire Council Young Citizen of the Year, won the Patrick White Young Indigenous Writers' Award, and has received a Copyright Agency First Nations Fellowship. The Boy from the Mish is Gary's debut YA novel.

Reviews

[Gary Lonesborough · Rating 5 out of 5]

As the author of this book, I can confirm it’s pretty good!

[Star · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you are the author, move along. This review is not for you, it is for other readers.

Content warnings: death of parent (past, talked about a fair bit in narrative), grief, fat negativity (a lot), homophobia - including the f slur, underage drinking, drug usage, vomit, bullying, slut shaming.
(Fucking hell, I wish people other than me would write content warnings for the book in their reviews.)

Rep: Jonah (MC) is Aboriginal, fat, cis, and gay. Harley (LI) is cis, Aboriginal, and bisexual. Side Aboriginal characters.


To be honest, I was going to DNF this one early on for the sheer volume of fat negativity. There's only so many times I can hear about how ugly, horrible, and worthless being a fat person is. Whilst I do understand this is coming from a personal place for the author, there was no care (in my opinion at least) surrounding this. Even at the end of the book, Jonah, in the narrative, says he's trying to love his body - but there is literally nothing like that on page at all. It's literally a throwaway line and it just breaks my heart.

The story itself was okay. I felt disconnected a lot during it for various reasons, including the above paragraph.

I'm glad Jonah got his happy ending, though, he deserved it.

[ectotherm · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favourite books, Gary Lonesborough’s writing feels so real and evocative, and the characters have amazing realistic dynamics and interactions.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is another sweet coming of age novel from Gary Lonesborough. I don't want to make any assumptions but this one feels a little more autobiographical than his previous books, since the protagonist Jonah is a would-be writer with body issues moving to a new town.

I like that Jonah had already gone through the awkwardness of coming out and told a straight friend he liked him, so when he feels it's happening all over again he tries not to get his hopes up.

And I love that it's about a queer Indigenous Australian since it's not a perspective I've seen very often.

[Tori · Rating 3 out of 5]

A nice Australian YA read with a refreshing take on a love story. Simple language, good pacing. Nice.

[Charbel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked it ! Was surprised to see how graphic it got! No complaints from me, it was an easy read and I enjoyed it

[Ava · Rating 3 out of 5]

*2.5

Let me preface this by saying it's absolutely amazing to see more and more books being published by First Nations authors, and especially fantastic to see more representation of queer Aboriginal characters. Still, publishers need to step it up and get more Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander voices out there.

CW: grief, death of a parent, fatphobia, homophobia, racism (not as prevalent), slut shaming, underage drinking

I really wanted to like I'm Not Really Here more than I did, particularly because I found the author's first book to be just okay. The main issue I have with this is the same that I had with the first: the writing style. Personally, it feels too simple and young. I know it's YA, but these characters are around 17, and they read like maybe 14. There was also a lot of repetition (yes, I remember the name of the town and the high school, and no, I do not need to know the pizza order every time they get pizza, or that a house smells like someone has just pooped (once was enough, thank you)). I also haven't seen anyone mention anything about **SPOILERS** Jonah's dad dating his boyfriend’s mother?? I'm sorry, what year are we in?? I'm also kind of sick of the whole "It's okay if you're not ready to come out, but I'll tell you that I don't want to be a secret and make a fuss about you not being out, therefore I'm actually pressuring you to come out anyway" narrative. Both sides are valid, obviously, but would it be possible to actually give the 'not-out' character some time? And not just "off-screen" so that they can come out in a public place, declaring their love? **SPOILERS**

I don't typically like to be so negative, so some positives! I really loved following Jonah trying to figure out his place in a new town/school, especially finding friends. Lonesborough did an excellent job in delving into what it's like as a teenager trying new things and working out your place in the world. I also loved the familial relationships, particularly between Jonah and his brothers (though this is definitely something I would've loved to see more of). The depiction of Jonah's grief and those moments of him remembering his mother were beautifully written. And overall, the romance was cute, if not a little rushed by the end.

Lonesborough has a lot of potential, so I'll keep an eye out for his future work. I'd love to see him do longer books so that those brilliant ideas and characters could be fleshed out more.

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars
A lot better than expected. I feel like sometimes these sorts of books read like an essay about inclusion but this was actually earthier and more real. I liked that.
I was nicely written, sweet and compelling but by no means original. It had all the classics; abandons friends for love interest, deceased parent, alcoholic parent, divorced/ widowed parent dating (Jonah doesn't have 3 parents by the way the second to apply to his father!), dealing with homophobia and all that jazz.
Actually the abandoning friends thing was much less cliche than other books!
I loved the cat.
The whole "I'm not really here" thing was just sort of a lazy thing to do. Like dissolving reality into memory is a difficult and delicate art that only some writers ever manage to perfect, it wasn't even attempted in this book. I know it's in present tense but "I'm not really there", would've sounded better in the book (not as the title though).
I'm glad I read it and would recommend to anyone looking for a quick and easy, feel-good but slightly deeper, romance.

WAIT I hated one thing, before I go. Zeke and Luke are the rattiest most screen addicted eight year olds in the world. The entire book it was just like 'They woke up and watched cartoons', 'they got home and watched t.v' 'zeke and luke were playing on their ipads'. Bro does Jonah's father not understand what a neglectful parent he is being. This was entirely overlooked, like it was normal. Yeah, eight year olds play video games and watch t.v but not 24/7!!

[Cherie • bookshelvesandtealeaves · Rating 4 out of 5]

Huge thank you to Allen & Unwin for sending me a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Gary Lonesborough is such a brilliant, important voice in Australian fiction and I’ve loved everything he’s written. I’m Not Really Here is no exception.

I always love reading Australian books, especially Australian YA. There’s something so fun, so right, about seeing Australian schools in fiction and it doesn’t happen nearly enough. I love how vivid this setting felt, like it’s a town I could walk through myself, a school I could have attended. Their lunch scenes felt like my school lunches. I loved it so much.

Jonah’s dealing with a lot and I feel like his grief, his fears, his body issues, his identity, was all so delicately and lovingly portrayed. I really felt for him. He’s such a beautiful character and I loved his journey in this book.

Harley’s a great love interest. He’s fun and exciting and their chemistry was off the charts! I loved their scenes together.

I also adored Jonah’s friendship group so much. They reminded me of my friends at school and it made my heart feel so full.

I definitely recommend picking this one up!

[kaitlyns_library · Rating 4 out of 5]

I always enjoy Lonesborough books and find them to be so important to share. This one was no different and I also appreciated the added fat mc representation that we got with this book. I did think there were some minor flaws to this book, but only because I am a high school teacher in NSW (so school holidays for example, and senior assessment schedules). I also don’t know if this book is set in 2024 or in 2016. The social media used in this book would set it as 2016, but if it’s meant to be more contemporary, then a school goss page would be on TikTok (teenagers barely use Facebook now). If you want to read an Australia YA book with First Nations rep, this is definitely one to add to your TBR.

[James Matheson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m Not Really Here by Gary Lonesborough is a truly beautiful and unforgettable read. I completely adored this book from start to finish. Gary’s writing style is so honest, heartfelt, and full of emotion—it pulled me in right away and didn’t let go. His storytelling is powerful yet gentle, capturing identity, love, and self-discovery in a way that feels deeply personal and real. Every page is filled with heart, and I connected with the characters so strongly. Gary Lonesborough has a rare gift, and this book is proof of it. I can’t recommend it enough!

[Benita Al-Samarrie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a beautifully written book that was quite deep. It follows the story of Jonah, an indigenous gay student who has recently moved to a new town following the death of his mother. Jonah often struggles to live in the moment as he processes his grief, body image issues, racism and homophobic comments. It’s a beautiful story of love, friendship and growth.

[Paula · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Wasn’t expecting to enjoy this but I did!

[Aj · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cute but forgettable. The lack of depth was frustrating but not surprising for YA.

[Rafal Chelski · Rating 3 out of 5]

Starfield is not on PS5 lol Least not at the time of this book being written 😜 Otherwise a fun, coming-of-age romance that doesn't do much to stand out in the genre.

[Lauren Makepeace · Rating 5 out of 5]

Y'all I think I'm finally out of my recent reading slump, and I'm Not Really Here has done it!
Think Heartstopper vibes of warmth and fuzziness, all while dealing with significant issues - queerness, homophobia, body image, grief due to the loss of a parent...
I think Jonah is a fabulous protagonist - he definitely felt honest, and reflected a lot of the anxiety many teenagers feel when navigating how they fit in the world, especially when you've struggled to find friends or dates. He's brave, and strong, and kind, and real.
Lonesborough has also managed to write a book that is just so funny, there were many moments a burst out laughing, and quite a few because Jonah was just so awkward - the things he would text Harley - and I felt so much pride for him in being brave enough to say things, and so much anxiety for how it would turn out.
This was just lovely. I loved it. I'm in love with it.

[Lei · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I say I'm a sucker for a YA queer novel I AM!!!

Although the queer romance was one of the bigger aspects of the novel, there was enough other gears turning to not make the queer aspect the defining factor. It's a fault that I find with many other queer novels (eg Heartstopper). With Jonah being our main character I found it incredibly heartwarming to see the way he progressed throughout the novel especially in healing his grief from losing his mother, writing and body image journey. I loved that his journey isn't the only one that we see throughout the novel, we get to see the teenage romance between Gordon and Zoey ("our token straight couple") bloom, Harley (LI) auditioning for a play and best of all the friendship turned romance with Jonah and Harley. I think with the other aspects of the story it made the romance not the main thing of the novel which in result made the romance easier to digest. Another thing I enjoyed is that it doesn't cover JUST romance and all the "good" aspects to a relationship, it had the good and bad of being in a high school relationship let alone a queer one. Eg second guessing which results in the canon event of breaking up 2 days after getting together (LOL) and the hesitance to coming out especially to friends and family.

I think this might be the fact I grew up in a rural town with a large First Nations demographic I found the "slang" used almost nostalgic to my hometown, some of the events that happen in the book such as the high school goss page made so much relatability to my high school and how it functions with spreading often damaging rumours and the fights at school.

With the slang it made the novel an easy to digest since the language was simple but articulated in a way that made it not the booo this is boring simple language BUT a this is simple but done so well this is an enjoyable easy read kind of simple language.

Did I read the whole thing in one sitting and loved it? Yes. Do i have quite a bit of backlogged homework I'm going to have to grind out the next day as a result? Yes and it was so worth it.

I really look forward to what Gary Lonesborough brings next :)

[Nina JG · Rating 2 out of 5]

OK non...
malheureusement celui là ne l'a pas fait pour moi.
J'avais pourtant ADORÉ son précédent "ready when u are" mais lui vraiment j'ai pas du tout adhéré...
J'ai trouvé le héros particulièrement détestable, je ne pouvais pas me le saquer, toutes ses remarques me soulaient, comment il agissait avec les gens me rendait golle
Tout le moment ou il refuse d'aller voir Teagan pour voir son boy ?! Alors que tout le monde lui dit que vraument il doit y aller ?? Vraiment j'ai pas compris

Il était max gênant, mais vraiment à un point ou c'était très très difficile à lire. On aurait dit un enfant de 12 ans à la place d'un ado de 17. Fin quand toutes les 3 secs il harcelé Harley pour lui demander s'il le kiffe ?!!!

Aussi uk autre truc ou j'ai pas compris l'intérêt, si ce n'est du réalisme mal placé, c'est les deux remarques sur le fait que quelqu'un a chié et que ça pue ?!?! GENRE QUOI?! Pourquoi faire ?! c'était vraiment inutile à ajouter au récit en plus d'être juste cracra

Bref ouais nan vraiment c'était compliqué. J'ai fini le livre parce que le fond était intéressant, la romance de deux mecs qui supposement n'ont rien à voir mais bon...

On nous dit jamais qui est la personne derrière le gossip, on nous confirme même pas que c'est le mec qui a drop le f-word qui a probablement été avec l'autre mec gay du lycée, fin c'était incomplet je sais pas...

Note :10/20

[Ryan Buckby · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book and this is my second Gary book as i enjoyed 'the boy from the mish' it was great to read a male character that was plus size because I could relate on that level.

The story was such a great repensentation of aussie culture and Gary pictures everything so perfectly and it reflects in his writing that I could read anything he writes. Gary writes such likable characters you always find something to like in each of them and you also hate the ones that are the not so likeable characters to he always has such a great mix. I enjoyed getting the flashback moments of Jonah's life before and him coming to terms with the death of his mum and the journey he takes not only with accepting his queerness but also how to deal with loss as well it was all done so well.

Jonah's negative self talk of himself is something that I can totally relate to as someone who is a bigger person it's always an unhill battle with always putting yourself down and trying to break out of that cycle. Seeing the journey he goes through the book with trying to come to terms with the body he's in and all the little comments are ones I have made as well.

I will read anything Gary puts out I have come to love his books and will wait for the next one when he puts another book out.

[Georgia · Rating 4 out of 5]

So with the start of this book I really struggled with the MC Jonah’s self hatred and how much he loathed himself being fat. But over time and talking with my wonderful partner, I came to find it powerful, because actually, we don’t talk enough about what it feels like for teen boys to struggle with internalised fat phobia like we do for girls. Lonesborough really nails what it feels like to have obsessive crushes as a teen and just all round felt super familiar as a teen myself. I love that Lonesborough keeps writing First Nations queer main characters. His books are incredible and so so powerful! This book covers so many hard and heavy topics, but wow, this really is such an important story.

TW: parent death witnessed on page; fat-phobia; homophobia; parental grief; slut shaming; bullying

[Pru · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jonah finds himself in a new town and at a new school. Since his mum died a few years ago, life has been tough. His family has experienced poverty on top of dealing with grief, but now things are looking up. Then Jonah joins the local footy team and develops a crush on Harley, who sounds damn fine. However, Harley may not be gay and surely if he was, he wouldn't be interested in Jonah with his man boobs. A sweet story of friendships and first loves, grief and loss, as well as fresh starts.

Gary Lonesborough has a real knack for writing coming of age stories about gay indigenous boys. That is not to say that the stories are similiar, infact they are all very different, but they all make you think and feel.

[Jemreadsbooks · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had to read this for the Shadow Judging Competition!
My main issues with this book are:

1. felt very predictable/cliche.
Going into this book I felt like I already knew what was going to happen

2. felt a bit innapropriate for a younger ya base
This book was in the ya category and it felt to me that the author went into a little too much detail (sexual interactions, Jonah's thoughts towards the romantic interest etc.)

3. was a bit cringey
Now I don't know if this was just my opinion but I found it really cringey when the two guys were together or even texting. Eg. *quote
H: Hey x
J: I miss you x
H: Aw really x
J: Yeah xx
H: I miss you too xx
J: I want to kiss you again.
H: I want to you too xx
*unquote

I did however enjoy the setting and Jonah's brothers!

[Emmaby Barton Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

"you have to be brave too, but the only scary part is the start. we just have to be brave for a few minutes, then we'll both be okay... if we still feel scared after those minutes have passed, then we'll be scared together again"

such a sweet coming of age with lots of great first nations, queer, and fat rep - loved jonah and harley, their families, and all of their friends <3

have been enjoying my last few feel good ya reads - sometimes you just need stories where everything ends happily ever after and is easy!! (whilst also dealing w themes such as homophobia, grief, racism, and coming out)

[Danica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sweet YA story that touches on heavier topics such as grief, body image issues, homophobia and racism.

Jonah was such a beautiful character - the constant negative self talk and the need for validation by his peers was realistic, as well as the messy nature of living in a single parent home woth young siblings.

I liked how Jonah and Harley's relationship grew throughout the book and friendships that they made as they found themselves.

I especially love that Jonah goes to counselling. I think the dad would have benefitted as well, but I guess it wasn't his story.

A strong 4 stars.

[William Ford-Evans · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book - I love how inclusive it is and I love the different perspectives that are present in the story. I appreciate the comments about body image - it was something I resonated with deeply. It follows the journey of protagonist Jonah from grief to love, and his boyfriend Harley.
A little content warning - the death of a parent is discussed in detail and at length, bodyshaming, slut shaming, homophobia including use of the 'f' slur. Spoiler alert: There is a short sex scene which includes brief oral sex.

[Leith · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful coming of age story, full of characters I couldn’t help but love and cheer for. There’s so much of Jonah and the negative self talk, particularly as a teenager, that resonated with me. It broke my heart when he had the tough moments but it also made my heart sing when he had a win. I read it in two sittings because I needed to know Jonah was going to be okay. I’m really looking forward to checking out the author’s other work

[K. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Content warnings: grief, death of a parent (in the past), homophobia, internalised homophobia, vomit, alcohol abuse

I love Lonesborough's books and this one was no exception. I still think The Boy From the Mish is my favourite, but this is a close second. I loved the complexity of the characters and the dynamics between them. I really liked how much grief plays into the story, and how the family dynamics weave into the friendships and the romance. All in all, this was delightful.

[Allie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read as part of CBCA YA shortlist. An easy read about a 17 year old gay aboriginal boy Jonah who moves to a new town and has to learn to adapt to a new school, friendships, sexuality, body image, loss of his mum, and dad moving on with a new love, and all the elements of being a teenage - being in the cool group.
It touches on some really good topics for teenagers and is dealt with in a tasteful manner. More mature concepts so probs Year 9+ readers due to the sexual references

[Ellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Momentum was a bit slow in the beginning but picked up about half-way through the book. Enjoyed the characters, topics and familiar pop-culture references. The self talk about his low self-esteem (i.e fat negativity) was a bit heavy-handed but tolerable. Overall, I would recommend this book to any young-adult and commend Gary on his worthy contribution to the coming-of-age/queer genre.

[Martin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Such a sweet read with important messages that all young persons should be aware of !
Credibility to the story is enhanced by the fact a gay indigenous man has written it !
And written it VERY well.