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Getting Unstuck: How Dead Ends Become New Paths
We all experience psychological impasse. This feeling of uncertainty about your next moves in life might come at predictable the loss of a job, the end of a romance, an empty nest as your child heads for college, or the death of someone who has long helped you feel recognized, loved, and appreciated. It might also come at unpredictable when the career of a lifetime somehow loses its juice, when you ache for intimacy but can't seem to find the right partner, when you find yourself longing to renew a sense of life's adventure. Predictable or not, psychological impasse brings with it the sense of being stuck or paralyzed. At the office, you feel stale or unchallenged. In your personal life, you feel agitated, deflated, or downright bored. You know that something must change - and you're desperate to contribute at work, find a reinvigorated role in your family, and dive back into the current of your own life.
Though uncomfortable, impasse is necessary. It's the only place from which you can define a new vision for your life. Now business psychologist and researcher Timothy Butler leverages more than 20 years of research to offer strategies for finding your way from impasse to renewed meaning - at work, at home, with colleagues, and with family. He shows you how
Recognize the state of psychological impasse and use it as a springboard to real change
Participate in exercises that activate your new life vision
Identify the activities, rewards, types of people, work cultures, and communities that will most likely satisfy you
Make choices that transform your new vision into reality
Drawing on a wealth of stories about individuals who have successfully transitioned out of impasses, Getting Unstuck provides a practical, authoritative road map for moving past your immediate impasse and defining a meaningful path forward.
Though uncomfortable, impasse is necessary. It's the only place from which you can define a new vision for your life. Now business psychologist and researcher Timothy Butler leverages more than 20 years of research to offer strategies for finding your way from impasse to renewed meaning - at work, at home, with colleagues, and with family. He shows you how
Recognize the state of psychological impasse and use it as a springboard to real change
Participate in exercises that activate your new life vision
Identify the activities, rewards, types of people, work cultures, and communities that will most likely satisfy you
Make choices that transform your new vision into reality
Drawing on a wealth of stories about individuals who have successfully transitioned out of impasses, Getting Unstuck provides a practical, authoritative road map for moving past your immediate impasse and defining a meaningful path forward.
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First published January 1, 2007
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 54 reviews
August 29, 2023
Getting Unstuck was an OK read. I guess it just wasn't quite what I expected.
Author Timothy Butler is a Senior Fellow and Director of Career Development Programs. His research interests focus on career decision making generally and the relationship between personality structure and work satisfaction in particular.
Timothy Butler:
I wasn't sure what to expect of this one going in. I am generally a fan of books in the genre of self-help/mastery/excellence and or performance, so I put it on my list when I came across it.
The title of the book intimates that it will help the reader overcome obstacles and breakthrough plateaus. That's not really what this book is about, though. It is more about finding your ideal job or life's pursuit; using quizzes and exercises to determine your individual strengths and weaknesses.
The author drops this quote, speaking to the aim of the book:
This quote had me expecting more writing about how to overcome personal and professional plateaus than was provided here:
Much of the writing here is underpinned by concepts from Freudian and Jungian philosophy.
********************
Getting Unstuck had its moments, but ultimately, it was not what I expected going in. I was hoping he'd pay more attention to the field of performance, excellence, and the procedures of setting and achieving new levels of performance. A subjective criticism; to be sure - so don't let this review put you off the book. There's still a lot of interesting info here, but ultimately, my reviews need to indicate my personal enjoyment of the book.
2.5 stars.
Author Timothy Butler is a Senior Fellow and Director of Career Development Programs. His research interests focus on career decision making generally and the relationship between personality structure and work satisfaction in particular.
Timothy Butler:
I wasn't sure what to expect of this one going in. I am generally a fan of books in the genre of self-help/mastery/excellence and or performance, so I put it on my list when I came across it.
The title of the book intimates that it will help the reader overcome obstacles and breakthrough plateaus. That's not really what this book is about, though. It is more about finding your ideal job or life's pursuit; using quizzes and exercises to determine your individual strengths and weaknesses.
The author drops this quote, speaking to the aim of the book:
"This is a book about how impasse, like the Greek god Hermes, often appears in our lives as a herald, to let us know we must change. But it is also about vision. It is about how we find our way, again and again, from impasse to renewed meaning—at work, at home, with colleagues, and with family—and how we find a renewed sense of self in those aspects of our lives that bring both passion and satisfaction."
This quote had me expecting more writing about how to overcome personal and professional plateaus than was provided here:
"My understanding of what we experience when we are stuck, and how we can get ourselves unstuck, has evolved out of more than thirty years of work as a social scientist, psychotherapist, and career counselor. I have worked at Harvard Business School and with people from a variety of organizations, from small startups to Fortune 500 corporations, as well as with individual executives during times of career transition. Some people have come to me when they have been let go or told that termination is imminent; others seek my counsel because they lack a sense of accomplishment in an otherwise stable and lucrative job or because they want to find more rewarding work. Whether consciously or not, they all come looking for meaning. As a result, I have focused much of my research on the “meaning of meaning”—on how individuals find a path to life situations that are satisfying and sustainable."
Much of the writing here is underpinned by concepts from Freudian and Jungian philosophy.
********************
Getting Unstuck had its moments, but ultimately, it was not what I expected going in. I was hoping he'd pay more attention to the field of performance, excellence, and the procedures of setting and achieving new levels of performance. A subjective criticism; to be sure - so don't let this review put you off the book. There's still a lot of interesting info here, but ultimately, my reviews need to indicate my personal enjoyment of the book.
2.5 stars.
July 11, 2017
Another of the disappearing reviews that I'm trying to reconstruct.
This seemed awfully fluffer-nutter to me, but there were nuggets I liked. Not a waste of time but didn't really give me anything I could immediately use. The most useful part for me was the Appendix about is it depression or are you just stuck? Yeah, it's my job. Sigh.
This seemed awfully fluffer-nutter to me, but there were nuggets I liked. Not a waste of time but didn't really give me anything I could immediately use. The most useful part for me was the Appendix about is it depression or are you just stuck? Yeah, it's my job. Sigh.
October 13, 2017
An OK book on dealing with personal crisis related to getting into ruts with your life. I appreciated the author’s experience at the Harvard Business School, working with students and consulting for these kinds of issues. I enjoyed the examples and thought they made a lot of sense. And I appreciated what I heard of the exercises. I listened to the audiobook version. The exercises, which were key to using this for self-analysis, were best read, not listened to. The audiobook did not include the appendixes, which seem quite important to properly using this book and scoring the exercises. The book came across as a bit academic, using terms like “motivator paradigm” and “hierarchical power” in rapid succession. To me, this made listening more of a chore, having to decode the consultant-speak into English. I would suggest listening to the audiobook only for the examples and possibly for discussion of the research, but going to a written version for completing the exercises.
January 15, 2020
Been reading this book for over a week simultaneously with a coworker as we plan a group event around the concepts and it's been awful. Too many anecdotes to be really effective and the important concepts are buried in and around Dr. Timothy Butler's Harvard Business school BS.
Virtually unusable to share key takeaways with others. Very convoluted. A little pretentious. Way too deep.
It's only saving grace is that some of the headings "Learning to Let Our Passions Guide Us" and "Opening Up and Letting Go" are generic enough to generate some interesting conversations and bring about some interesting topics amongst our club.
Overall, hard pass.
Virtually unusable to share key takeaways with others. Very convoluted. A little pretentious. Way too deep.
It's only saving grace is that some of the headings "Learning to Let Our Passions Guide Us" and "Opening Up and Letting Go" are generic enough to generate some interesting conversations and bring about some interesting topics amongst our club.
Overall, hard pass.
May 22, 2018
Listened as an audiobook, plan to reread physical. A lot of good information and it's very interactive, just too much to digest as audiobook, not to mention there are many parts to stop and do optional exercises that are hard to do without the book. Looking forward to rereading it.
October 29, 2016
The best part were its activities, especially the 100 Jobs Exercise (p.52-7, 191-4) and how it can be used. While I’ve had exposure to this before, the way the book tied in the basic interest dimensions (see p. 191-4) was beneficial.
Other activities included:
-Practicing Free Attention - p.43
-Image Gathering - p. 68
There is an audio walk through for both of these online. Both of these are a meditation walk through.
Interest & Motivation Map - p. 150 (similar to Career Ingredients activity in CareerLeader admin tools - this activity pulls together all the others in the book)
The book is a combination of psychoanalytic psychology and meditation. It uses plenty of cases - from the author's coaching, psychology background. The book starts with the cycle of impasse (xvii) vs. cycle of vision (xxi) -- sounds like James Marcia (identity status - crisis & commitment), but Butler doesn't mention Marcia. While this framework for the book was was helpful, it felt like the book was only half-heartedly devoted to it. I was hoping for a bit more from the book, but perhaps I've already been exposed to some of its highlights in the CareerLeader and some of the surrounding tools like the 100 Jobs Exercise.
Other activities included:
-Practicing Free Attention - p.43
-Image Gathering - p. 68
There is an audio walk through for both of these online. Both of these are a meditation walk through.
Interest & Motivation Map - p. 150 (similar to Career Ingredients activity in CareerLeader admin tools - this activity pulls together all the others in the book)
The book is a combination of psychoanalytic psychology and meditation. It uses plenty of cases - from the author's coaching, psychology background. The book starts with the cycle of impasse (xvii) vs. cycle of vision (xxi) -- sounds like James Marcia (identity status - crisis & commitment), but Butler doesn't mention Marcia. While this framework for the book was was helpful, it felt like the book was only half-heartedly devoted to it. I was hoping for a bit more from the book, but perhaps I've already been exposed to some of its highlights in the CareerLeader and some of the surrounding tools like the 100 Jobs Exercise.
March 28, 2021
Skip the book and Google 100 jobs exercise. Read his journal articles if you can. Some interesting thoughts but nothing is going to replace one-on-one counseling.
June 6, 2019
Comprehensive, to the point, based on science and very practical. This is how I believe self-helping literature should look like. Rather than a book of advice it’s a manual on how to identify, approach and use impasses to move forward - whether it means making an important decision, changing a job or making subtle lifestyle adjustments. I think I will, yet many times in the future, find use for this book and its excercises.
July 12, 2017
The bad: sometimes anecdotal examples don't fully present the author's theories. And I think there's a lot more to some of the points.
The good: it's a book with interesting theories on how we come to dead ends and how to uncover our personal motivations. It's a kind of professional self-development book, not going too deep, but focusing instead on simple principles and answers.
The good: it's a book with interesting theories on how we come to dead ends and how to uncover our personal motivations. It's a kind of professional self-development book, not going too deep, but focusing instead on simple principles and answers.
September 26, 2018
Solid advice in usable format. Peppered with stories about actual people, intended to be illustrative? More interested in the tools than the stories, but there's no avoiding them in self help books.
June 20, 2019
Didn’t really like this one. Would probably have been better as an e-book or paper book instead of audio. (It has lots of long lists that just don’t work well in audio form.)
November 1, 2020
It's more a book about career guidance than it is on about getting unstuck in life. As such, it's great: but it's not at all what it says on the tin.
December 13, 2021
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November 5, 2012
The book looks for the reader to find meaning in what he does. It encourages to use the impasse of getting stuck in order to be more creative in ones life. Jung thought that by defining who we are we have limited our true potential. The accuser uses doubt during our impasse to hold us back from seeing our true potential.
We all have a model on how things are, the key is when the old model no longer works is to let go of preconceived notions so new information can take its place. Ego helps us by making things more efficient in our lives by starkly contrasting what is important from what is not. The problem comes when an impasse moment comes and ego gets in the way of finding a new path forward. Thus, Butler stresses the need to practice free-attention in order to look through the prism of non-judgement. After letting go of the ego, one has to meditate on an image gathering process. I share Chris' desire for acting in a leadership capacity through the service to others and gaining and implementing ideas through team collaboration.
In the vision part of the book, Butler states it is better to choose a job that plays to our natural strengths and develop our weakness in that job, rather than a job that focuses on our weakness. The issue for me right now is how to implement what I want to occur.
He further describes his theory of how we relate to our outside world via power which he describe as the ability to act, affiliation through people, and achievement orientation. He then goes into describing power in terms of alphas who want power for its own sake. He also describe people who like achievement via a sense of accomplishment via a particular challenge, learning something new, and authorship or personal calling card.
In his closing section, he cites the need to act on a choice in order to bring ones vision into fruition
We all have a model on how things are, the key is when the old model no longer works is to let go of preconceived notions so new information can take its place. Ego helps us by making things more efficient in our lives by starkly contrasting what is important from what is not. The problem comes when an impasse moment comes and ego gets in the way of finding a new path forward. Thus, Butler stresses the need to practice free-attention in order to look through the prism of non-judgement. After letting go of the ego, one has to meditate on an image gathering process. I share Chris' desire for acting in a leadership capacity through the service to others and gaining and implementing ideas through team collaboration.
In the vision part of the book, Butler states it is better to choose a job that plays to our natural strengths and develop our weakness in that job, rather than a job that focuses on our weakness. The issue for me right now is how to implement what I want to occur.
He further describes his theory of how we relate to our outside world via power which he describe as the ability to act, affiliation through people, and achievement orientation. He then goes into describing power in terms of alphas who want power for its own sake. He also describe people who like achievement via a sense of accomplishment via a particular challenge, learning something new, and authorship or personal calling card.
In his closing section, he cites the need to act on a choice in order to bring ones vision into fruition
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 14, 2011
I really enjoyed this book. At first I thought it was a bit too touchy-feely for me, but I grew to like it the more I read.
The core to this book is a 100 Jobs exercise. He lists 100 jobs, and you select the ones that most excite you, regardless of pay, skills, etc. This then connects to themes around what you want in a job.
My top themes were the Boss and the Persuader. He accurately called out that I like to think that what I say is what we should do - which tends to cause problems when you are on the lower rungs in a larger organization! I also enjoy persuading individuals and groups, be it through sales, marketing or (especially!) presentations.
Next, you identify your top motivations between power, people, and achievements. Going in I thought people would be my top, but as I read and considered his POV, I realized that this is actually my lowest - which is important for my current job search.
This was a very handy book as I decide what I want to do when I grow up!
The core to this book is a 100 Jobs exercise. He lists 100 jobs, and you select the ones that most excite you, regardless of pay, skills, etc. This then connects to themes around what you want in a job.
My top themes were the Boss and the Persuader. He accurately called out that I like to think that what I say is what we should do - which tends to cause problems when you are on the lower rungs in a larger organization! I also enjoy persuading individuals and groups, be it through sales, marketing or (especially!) presentations.
Next, you identify your top motivations between power, people, and achievements. Going in I thought people would be my top, but as I read and considered his POV, I realized that this is actually my lowest - which is important for my current job search.
This was a very handy book as I decide what I want to do when I grow up!
April 9, 2012
I really connected with this book. It puts 'being stuck' in psychological terms. There are exercises throughout that involve meditating and writing. So, if that's not so much your thing, you probably won't enjoy this book.
This book is best read when you have chunks of quiet time alone. The exercises come every few pages and are best done in a place where you can think and write. I also found it helpful to have a trusted friend or family member that you can talk through some of the exercises with as they will often notice things about yourself that you didn't. I definitely learned some new things about myself, which gave me a greater insight to what motivates me. I also feel like I am better equipped to 'get unstuck.'
This is not a book that will tell you your career path or next step, but is more about coming to terms with why you are where you are and what you want out of life. It guides you to try to figure out your own next step and if you really attempt the exercises and spend time thinking through them, I believe it is helpful.
This book is best read when you have chunks of quiet time alone. The exercises come every few pages and are best done in a place where you can think and write. I also found it helpful to have a trusted friend or family member that you can talk through some of the exercises with as they will often notice things about yourself that you didn't. I definitely learned some new things about myself, which gave me a greater insight to what motivates me. I also feel like I am better equipped to 'get unstuck.'
This is not a book that will tell you your career path or next step, but is more about coming to terms with why you are where you are and what you want out of life. It guides you to try to figure out your own next step and if you really attempt the exercises and spend time thinking through them, I believe it is helpful.
December 2, 2014
Amazing book. Timothy has captured his career coaching process very well. While your mileage may vary, you may not get through this book in one sitting. I personally had to take 3 or 4 sizable breaks over the course of 3 months to just process the thoughts stimulated by the book. My recommendation is you stick with it - you won't regret it. The exercises are excellent - very thorough and methodical. Provided you finish the book with a commitment to have a breakthrough, he definitely hits it (you?) on the nail - the process of getting through an "impasse" in life is in actuality an *ongoing* process - it is the experience of being on your edge, living your potential, dealing with the unexpected, and what it is to be alive! So take the opportunity to bring a laser focus to your career and what you'll find is ideas will begin to flow and other parts of your life will come together as well!
October 3, 2012
I did thoroughly enjoy this book and it gave me A LOT to think about. A very important thing to note about this book was its not necessarily about picking up and completely starting over. The concepts in this book can very easily be used in regards to your current job. Perhaps the department you are currently in does not fit your personality as well as it should, but another department does. This book helps you to realize that and give you the power, understanding, and motivation to take that step.
At first I was doing the exercises in the book as I was reading, but was finding that I didn't fully understand an exercise until I came up to the next one. I ended up having to do many of the exercises multiple times and then decided to just read the book through so I understood where I was going in the end. I have finished reading it, but I need to go back and finish the work that goes with the book.
At first I was doing the exercises in the book as I was reading, but was finding that I didn't fully understand an exercise until I came up to the next one. I ended up having to do many of the exercises multiple times and then decided to just read the book through so I understood where I was going in the end. I have finished reading it, but I need to go back and finish the work that goes with the book.
March 17, 2013
I gained a great deal from this book. It is a serious book, not a fluffy self-help book; it's good that it is serious but I did find I read it in short segments because of it. A lot of my new 'to read' books this week are his recommendations. In terms of the 'impasse' process he describes, my position falls towards the end of the book, but it was helpful to go back through my recent experiences and recognize myself in those chapters. His 'deep dives' are useful, practical exercises, and couple well with his guided meditations available online. I gave it 4 rather than 5 stars because I wanted an equal amount of detail in each of the exercises. A couple of them were essentially saying 'think about this for a while', and I wanted more guidance, as was offered in some of the earlier exercises.
At first while reading this book, I thought 'well this isn't really telling me anything about myself I didn't already know', and then I realized that was the whole point.
At first while reading this book, I thought 'well this isn't really telling me anything about myself I didn't already know', and then I realized that was the whole point.
November 7, 2012
This book is lifechanging. I wish it had read it a few months ago when I was going through a period of impasse, uncertainty, and feeling stuck.
I went to Harvard Business School, and the author is the Head of Career Development there, so we received the book for free in our mailboxes in 2008. I never read it. I went to all the career sessions Tim Butler hosted, and thought I didn't need to read the book. Boy was I wrong. Tim offers so much detail and concrete steps about finding out what drives your life and how to take actions to incorporate these life drivers into definite actions.
I usually never give 5-star ratings to non-fiction books, but this book deserves it. I'm writing an e-mail to Tim right now to tell him how he changed my life.
I went to Harvard Business School, and the author is the Head of Career Development there, so we received the book for free in our mailboxes in 2008. I never read it. I went to all the career sessions Tim Butler hosted, and thought I didn't need to read the book. Boy was I wrong. Tim offers so much detail and concrete steps about finding out what drives your life and how to take actions to incorporate these life drivers into definite actions.
I usually never give 5-star ratings to non-fiction books, but this book deserves it. I'm writing an e-mail to Tim right now to tell him how he changed my life.
January 28, 2015
This isn't your typical career book. Butler comes to career counseling from a psychoanalytical perspective so the meditations are more about allowing your intuition to work and let emotions and dreams help you identify what is making you stuck. I'm not a big fan of dream analysis, expecially since that is hard to do for your own dreams, but I appreciate the author's perspective of facing impass as emotional and spiritual as well as intellectual. He has some helpful exercises in questions in this book that allow you to expand your imagination and explore new avenues for career and life satisfaction.
I listened to the audiobook which made it a little harder to complete the exercises.
I listened to the audiobook which made it a little harder to complete the exercises.
December 12, 2010
Meh. It was about a topic I liked and focused on anecdotes (which I prefer), but still I never really got into it. We grow by recognizing/accepting things as they are suck. We then make changes, grow, and eventually start over again. Ultimately we will not be happy if we let someone else call the shots. You must make changes; or something like that. I mean, that is what I got from it. Don't get me wrong, it was not a bad book; it just didn't do it for me. Much like Charles Dickens, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and Gwynneth Paltrow.
February 28, 2013
Quite an interesting take on the "self-help" aisle--this one is written by a guy who teaches for one of the big schools of business (maybe Harvard, can't recall now) and he offers lots of real-world examples of people needing a few tools to help them get out of their rut. Most of the book applies to career changes (whether late in life or just out of college) but there is some psychology here that can apply to other big changes in life as well. Quite valuable. I appreciated the stages the author lists for how one moves from being stuck to progressing in life's choices.
October 2, 2016
It's like having your own coach, cheerleader, therapist and guide all wrapped in one book.
What makes Getting Unstuck outstanding is that it offers exercises and activities mixed in with personal stories of others. The anecdotes of people going through similar experiences gives the exercises context.
Reading this book is a great solution when hiring your own career advisor and counselor isn't an option.
Finally, the tagline "How Dead Ends Become New Paths" is such more of a positive angle than other books which talk about "career derailment".
What makes Getting Unstuck outstanding is that it offers exercises and activities mixed in with personal stories of others. The anecdotes of people going through similar experiences gives the exercises context.
Reading this book is a great solution when hiring your own career advisor and counselor isn't an option.
Finally, the tagline "How Dead Ends Become New Paths" is such more of a positive angle than other books which talk about "career derailment".
February 9, 2020
I wouldn't exactly get zealous about the book and say it provides the sure fire way to get answer to the hard questions of being at an impasse at life, but he certainly provides some great tools to give you some change of focus or change of perspective. I have found it useful for getting through my own impasse. If you're feeling "stuck" in your life, this is certainly a good part of a larger set of tools to have on hand for figuring things out.
November 8, 2010
This was, without question, the most helpful book I've read on making life decisions that are in line with one's mission and vision. Using some unconventional tactics involving visioning, imaging, etc., the author helps the reader dig much deeper to get at the root of one's "stuck-ness" and then move forward with a better grasp of what one's life should look like. I have a terrible time with major life decisions, and this book really helped me to get clarity.
August 16, 2014
I think I would have found this book more inspiring a few years ago, but still found the descriptions of impasse and its emotional toll to be spot on. I was at an impasse (maybe more than once) and eventually fumbled my way to doing some of the things this book outlines - which is why I say I wish I had found it a few years ago. I still found great value in the about 2/3 of the book with that one 1/3 having to do more with being actively stuck.
July 22, 2015
the basic tenets of the book (e.g. reflecting on deep life interests as opposed to work roles) are helpful. some of the exercises are hard to follow in the way they're written, and there are aspects that are not clear and defined enough (e.g. should we be going with our gut when isolating our top personal passions, or allowing the results of the exercises to guide us, even if the results seem skewed?).
Read
February 6, 2013Am having trouble getting into this because the author works at Harvard Business School and presents examples of super-achievers making lots of money and having lots of success and prestige. Can't identify! The sidebar exercises seem to be good, although why he needs to rename meditation "free attention" I do not know...
Displaying 1 - 30 of 54 reviews