The Wild and Free Family: Forging Your Own Path to a Life Full of Wonder, Adventure, and Connection

by Ainsley Arment

""Ainsley Arment has emerged as one of the most prominent voices in [this] grass-roots community."" — New York Times

As parents, we dream of creating a magical childhood for our kids, yet it can be so easy to slip into autopilot. Ainsley Arment-- a mother of five, founder of the thriving community Wild + Free, and bestselling author-- is no stranger to the barrage of decisions, opportunities, and daily tasks that each day brings. But what Ainsley has discovered is that the magic of life isn’t found in the hustle and bustle of constant activity but in the intentional ordinary decisions of our days. And when we assume that a family has to look or act a certain way, we miss the opportunity to build a meaningful and fulfilling life together.

Drawn from her family's stories and those shared by the Wild + Free community, The Wild + Free Family explores how to create a family culture that breaks the mold by seeking to connect with our children, unleash their gifts, pursue a shared vision together, and redeem generational brokenness, among so much more. Inside these pages are Ainsley’s words of encouragement, honesty, and wisdom, guiding all parents to create a home where families can forge their own path to love stronger, live more fully, and grow closer to each other.

Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Family, Education, Audiobook, Self Help, Psychology

Audible Audio

First published August 1, 2022

About the author

Ainsley Arment is the founder of Wild + Free, co-founder of Wild Explorers Club and the Wild + Free Farm Village, and host of the weekly Wild + Free podcast. She and her husband Ben are raising their five children, Wyatt, Dylan, Cody, Annie, and Millie, in Virginia Beach, Virginia. | IG: @ainsl3y | bewildandfree.org

Reviews

[jess]

Maybe this book would have been more interesting to me at a different point in my parenting journey but at this stage, nah. It feels shallow, strangely religious, a bit preachy, and a bit vapid with a veneer of respectful parenting. There is something that bothers me deeply about parenting books where someone has little or no experience with things but uses them as fear-mongering tactics to validate their world view. OK, this doesn't only happen in parenting books, but it bothers me more in parenting books because new parents are so often insecure and bulldozed by lunatics.

if you have read any other books about respectful parenting, homeschooling, family connection, etc there is probably nothing new in this book for you.

[Cheyenne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really wanted to love this book, especially since our family is a Wild + Free Family, but I didn’t feel like I gained anything new from this book. I feel like it was a lot of the information I’ve read in other homeschooling and nature books, rearranged, and spit back out. So if you’ve read several homeschooling, outdoors, and adventuring books you may not gain as much as you’d like. If you haven’t, you may take something away from this book.

Thank you NetGalley and HarperOne for the opportunity to review this book.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I generally agree with the main points of the book--slow down, don't overschedule your life or your kids' lives, get outside, boredom is good for kids, question the status quo, etc.--but found the tone to be overly sweet and idealistic. I appreciated the reminders as I skimmed my way through, but would recommend Simplicity Parenting over this book for similar ideas with more depth.

[Cherie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was excited for this book, but it was really disappointing. Nothing new here, and at times, preachy and telling mamas we should be ready to always sacrifice ourselves because "childhood is fleeting and magical" - that's the theme of the book. So many times I put down what I'm doing to be there for my daughter, but let's be real: I shouldn't run to her every single time. Sometimes I should just finish going to the bathroom or making dinner or whatever. Comes from a lot of privilege, and I didn't find it inspiring, or, with a coherent theme. One thing that drives me nuts about a lot of these homeschooling books is there is never any assumption the parents (let's be real - the mother!) has any kind of life, desire, or career. How can I homeschool my daughter and be there for her if I have a career or interests of my own? I think it's a dangerous premise to show that you will sacrifice and always always be there - will crush a lot of people's dreams. There are so many ways to live your life, and yes, childhood is fleeting and magical, but this book didn't give me any new information.

[Joanna Jennings · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like her writing style, it’s beautiful and motivational. However, this is a very humanistic book because she gives so many Scriptural truths without referring to God or the Bible. Reading this alongside listening to M is for Mama made this especially noticeable. To think that my family values, vision, priorities and dreams can be successful by following my heart and my inner voice is erroneous and ridiculous.

[Crystal Reaume · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked the first Wild + Free book better but also enjoyed this a lot.
As someone who truly believes that: we need to be more intentional with our children, heal our own hurts to be better parents and agrees that the current norms for childhood are out of wack this book was for me.
It reminded me that it is in my power to change my childrens' reality.
I could never give up my career but I can still adjust how I raise my children - barefoot, brave and outside.

[madison]

I don’t think I’d recommend this one.

[Gretchen · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 ⭐️ (5/10)

Should be titled “How to be the Main Character of Your Child’s Childhood”

Never has a book that has spoken about and encouraged things that I value and believe in, made me want to turn on and resent those values quite like this one 😅 Not sure if that made sense. Essentially, most of the concepts and ideas in this book are things that I believe in, value and support (basically the only reason this book is not a one star.) Yet, the way the author talks about and presents these ideas gets under my skin in such an intolerable way. Like, I’m actually queasy from my irritation with this book (boiled down: if I based my rating on the author’s voice - and how I perceive her motivations ..their childhood is all about me and if it’s a magical perfect childhood then what a wonderful mother I am vs giving them the best childhood you’re capable of because you love them not because their childhood needs to be a positive reflection on you.. then this would indeed be 1 star.)

To give an example..

She talks so much about not interfering in our children’s imagination, development, curiosity, interests, etc. “Let the child lead, let them be who they are without our hinderance. Don’t try to mold them to be this or that, don’t quench their sense of wonder, allow them to flourish and become who they’re meant to be.” This is all well and good to me, yet the entire book is filled to the brim with these massive “life or death” (if you will) conclusions about our leading and parenting. “If we don’t do this” then “catastrophic example of mediocrity” will happen. Everything hinges on what we do or don’t do. We fail or succeed as parents in various ways whether or not we do x, y, z for them.

Like, chill… while we are enormous figures in their lives by our influence, love, significance, proximity, and time spent - she needs to step out of the spotlight of her children’s story. Their successes and failures are not owed or granted to us. We do have influence, but at the end of the day it is their life and not to be attributed to how we choose to center ourselves or not in their experiences, memories or development. She clearly loves her children, and wants them to have a wonderful childhood. I can’t fault her for that. But the angle and narrative voice come across very much that it’s still all about her.

Again, I’m not taking issue with her concepts. If she had written this differently and didn’t put so much emphasis on “if we do this” then “our child will achieve greatness” (okay, dramatic example - but this is the energy she gives off.) Or “by doing this or that we may fail our children.” In situations of neglect and abuse, yes… but she’s not talking about abuse, she’s talking about whether or not our kids are playing on the playground surface or in the adjacent trees.

The grandiose statements and declarations need to sit down.

[Kara · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars

I found this book to be very repetitive and slightly contradictory. It also seems to come from a place of a ton of privilege. Telling us to travel whenever possible, but also build a home for our children. Take lots of adventures, set up exciting things, but also give space to play and be bored. I understand what she means, truly I do, but this was so all over the place in little snippets that it just didn’t fit well for me. I didn’t find it as inspiring as her first book. Nothing particularly new or engaging was written. There are far better books about creating a home life for your children that will inspire them.

I will not be recommending this to my friends.

[Laura A · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ummm… this book wasn’t really for me.

I have to start with how much I LOVED the first Wild & Free book about homeschooling - so many takeaways and have recommended it.

This book seemed to repeat the same message over and over. As a Christian, there are a few things that would contradict my beliefs in raising children.

Also, the author uses multiple references to scripture without giving their right reference - calling the Bible ‘the book of ages’ or quotes from an apostle as a ‘jewish rabbi’, or misquoting a verse at the end, leaving out the Saviour. This made me very uncomfortable.

I listened on Audible and the author put on a deep voice for male quotes or a whiny voice for children’s quotes - it was a bit distracting, but in the end I had to giggle!!

Didn’t have many takeaways from this book - which was so disappointing as I so highly rate the first one!

[Stacy Atherton Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

There were a few things that may have given me pause while reading this beautiful book, yet I think it is still overwhelmingly worthy to be read and helpful to make positive changes in our families. I struggle with the author's line between "friend" and "parent" with our kids and with being compassionate toward their feelings and emotions while also wanting to raise resilient human beings. Perhaps this will require a re-reading for me to sort out my questions. I would give this 4.5 stars if I could. (I highly recommend her book The Call of the Wild + Free.)

[Tacy Stacy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to give this book SO many more stars!! EVERY parent should read this book. Full of so many wonderful words surrounding how to build a family that is connected, thriving, emotionally healthy, cares for eachother, and LOVES learning! I was so inspired by each chapter, I will reread each year I am sure! 🤍

[sincerely · Rating 1 out of 5]

Surprised and saddened to say this is a DNF for me 😭 having read a lottttt of homeschool books, parenting books, etc., this feels like a regurgitation of much of that info. There were also glaring editorial mistakes, like the exact same sentences in two places on the same page 😳 I'd recommend Simplicty Parenting, Brave Learner, or the original Wild and Free book instead of this one. Sally Clarkson is quoted as well, so maybe pick up one of her incredible books if you're intersted in a Christian perspective.

I am assuming the author is a Christian, and I'd like to point out that quoting scripture from the Bible, but calling it "the book of ages," is just not it. Do we give cutesy names to the main text of other religions? 😂 never in my life have I seen something like this. How incredibly insulting. Also, the promises of scripture are for the children of God. Not for "those who trust." Trust in what? This ambiguity doesn't sit well with devout, practicing Christians and I'd venture to say it annoys atheists as well, although I'm not one so I don't know. But please, let's respect the text of religions and speak of them with accuracy and dignity. Not using excerpts as flowery language for our books. After having read reviews from readers who finished the book, I see that this is something she does repeatedly, and in my opinion with increasing flagrancy, not just the one time I noticed early on.

I recognize it must be difficult to address behavioral issues from a Christian perspective when the fact that you're a Christian is being avoided, but I just can't help but think some of the issues talked about are sin issues and not necessarily situations where bad behaviors should be romanticized into something different. It feels unhelpful to speak of behavioral problems and offer advice, when as a Christian, I am absolutely sure the process of repentance and sanctification should or would come up with an approach to writing that isn't so religiously ambiguous. Luke 9:26, "Whoever is ashamed of me and of my words, of him will the Son of Man be ashamed when he comes in his glory and the glory of the Father and of the holy angels."

Finally, the romanticized approach to being there for each child all of the time feels very co-dependent. It reminded me of Aunt Frances in Understood Betsy. Each family is going to go about things their own way, and I'm all for taking a calmer, more intentional approach to parenting. However, sometimes the advice was just too much. Again, I felt Julie Bogart tackled this way better in Brave Learner. That book is unapologetically secular and gives practical advice, as well as helping the reader uncover possible dysfunction within yourself as a homeschool parent. I believe that's a much more beneficial word count, than writing about really intimate details of your child's emotional struggles (angry outbursts, etc.) 🫣 and not offering much in the way of helps re mediation, discipline, strategy, etc., other than saying you've been in therapy for years which the vast majority of people cannot begin to afford, and that you've sat on the bathroom floor for 30 minutes while your child railed at you. And it's not helpful to outright claim that doing things alongside your child is not connection. It's IMPOSSIBLE to connect that way! Only play. Play play play! Good heavens the heaps of obligation and guilt heaped on moms in this book. Literally, page 44, "There is no 'working together' to build a relationship. No 'parental pep talk' to forge a bond. No filling of a child's cup merely through close proximity." Are we serious right now????? I just cannot with this book.

[Shannon McGarvey · Rating 4 out of 5]

“We realized we had built our lives around the companies purpose”
There were so many good quotes in this, I need to go back and highlight them all.
I was pleasantly surprised how much this book talked about hard times, and healing from past traumas, plus creating lasting relationships with our kids; all things I’m working on / struggling with. This was very timely book for me and I’m excited for book club next week!

[Devon · Rating 1 out of 5]

Are you interested in a book full of platitudes that don't string together in any coherent way? A(nother) book that makes parents (moms, really) feel guilty for not being able to do more with their kids? A book that in no way acknowledges the *immense* privilege one must have to parent in this way (just take your kids on trips! get them instruments! let them follow every whim!)? Here you go!

I'm tired of books that tell parents (again, moms, really) that they should spend every waking minute catering to their children, figuring out how to instill wonder in their children, while they also do not even begin to question the economic system that we live in that makes it impossible for parents (MOMS) to do these things. If you want to write about how people should spend more quality time with their children, maybe also extend forward into the idea that we should do the rev so that we're not all wasting away making money for other people/corporations/organizations in order to make the paycheck we need to feed and clothe and house those children so that they live past infancy.

Boo.

[Veronica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Strongly recommend to all the families: it is a gift, please use it.

[Claire Fread · Rating 2 out of 5]

No substance to it. Skim-able.

[Bridget · Rating 4 out of 5]

So, I definitely had preconceived notions of what this book would be about. Which, I wasn’t wrong, but there was so much more to unpack in this that I was surprised about. I appreciated all the quotes, research, and stories from her life and from others (although I do think the use of scripture should be marked as such…unless it is in the book and audio version didn’t mention the scripture reference). Anyway, overall I thought it gave me something more to think about than I went in thinking it would. But, I also think it got a little too wordy at the end and didn’t seem to be as well organized. Overall, I enjoyed this book.

[Rosalynne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I trudged through this book… I enjoyed her other book and I was surprised at how difficult it was to get through this book.

I think there’s intention there - to pour into your family in the unique way that your family/kids are wired, and live life out accordingly.

Unfortunately, I don’t feel like this book conveyed this in a receptive way. Instead, it felt like a friend passionate about a subject, but talking about it so fast and sporadically you can barely keep up or follow the train of thought. And in many parts, I felt more discouraged than encouraged and empowered.

I love the heartbeat behind the wild and free movement. I appreciate Ainsley’s heart to convey this practical application towards the family, but don’t feel like this book did that well.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved the first Wild and Free book and have often recommended it to other families. This book had a lot of good reminders in it- it felt like a good review now that we've started our homeschool journey. The author draws a lot of material from other authors that have inspired her. I thought it was interesting that the references to scripture weren't referenced. I did feel some of the contradictions that others have mentioned (particularly give your child a slow childhood but travel the world with them too). I probably wouldn't reread this one but I did find that I was underlining a fair bit. It helped to remind me of the why behind the vision we have for our family.

[David Ellis · Rating 1 out of 5]

I previously read her first book, Wild and Free homeschool, and gave it a three. This book about the family was a watered down repetitive version of the homeschool book.

It's a 6 hour pep talk saying nothing very useful only, "I see you mama, keep going!". Lots of long anecdotes and tons of quoting other books.

**Caution**The author uses a lot of "Christianese", including talking about praying, church, etc, yet directly gives unbiblical advice such as, "your child doesn't need you, their parent, as another authority figure, they need you as a friend". It was interesting to see her quote so many authors and other books and then when she uses scripture (multiple times), never attributes the quote to the Bible, some examples: "mercies are new every morning", "iron sharpening iron/ steel on steel", etc.

So this made the reading sort of odd, she talks a lot about love being the answer or hope being the answer but never where love or hope come from. It seemed like she tried to be everything to everyone or at least down play her faith???? Could not get a good handle on her bias.

Lastly, the sarcastic after thoughts may have meant to lighten the mood or be a connection point with the reader, but it just came off as extremely off putting.

[Taylor Lent · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 ⭐️ I discovered Arment online and have enjoyed following her. Her book contains lots of stories of motherhood, homeschool & cultivating a culture for your family. Some chapters hit better then others, but by the end I was ready for the book to be over. She sounds like a fun, intentional mom & it was good to get a peek inside her head through this book.

[Christina Judd]

Quotes from her and others in the book:

This is our holy mandate: to redeem the bad and reclaim the good.

If hurt people can hurt people, then healed people can heal people.

Until the hurt comes out the love can’t get in.

Travel every chance you get. Having kids is a reason to travel, [not] a reason to stay home.

Nothing is learned unless the child discovers it for himself.

[Bethany Beasley]

Snippets >


Cindy Rollins / "It isn't the big plans that are going to make your homeschool. It is the little things you do faithfully year after year that are going to add up to an education and a life for your children."

I do think that families are the most beautiful things in all the world!
-JO MARCH IN LITTLE WOMEN
BY LOUISA MAY ALCOTT

You don't have to do all the things.
So what should you include in your family culture? Any activity that builds relationship.
We don't have to constantly be doing things in order to build relationship.
Time alone isn't the answer. It takes intentionality to create bonds with our children, more than just passing potatoes at the dinner table or rushing everyone into the car for a ballet rehearsal.
Every moment, every activity, is an opportunity for connection and fostering family culture, but creating an intentional life may mean eliminating some things or adding others.

The culture of our homes isn't found in the kinds of activities we undertake. It's found in the relationships in which we have invested.

Reclaiming the wonder of childhood isn't fostering childish behavior but rather fostering childlike behavior, a posture of the heart that appears unjaded to the outside world, a state of mind that views imagination, delight, and wonder as the utmost of competencies.

Our children don't know they need connection with us.
They only know when something is missing.

Sally Clarkson / "Love is the most profound tool of influence in the lives of your children.

These conversations and behaviors are reflections of their personalities, true, but they are also the cries of their hearts.
And if I listen closely, I can get a glimpse at their longings, their dreams, their very souls. All these small things speak to who they are.

Understanding our children takes time and intentionality. It takes doing what you like some of the time and doing what they like the rest of the time. And it requires getting to know them over and over again through each stage of their development.

…I hadn't wanted to listen to [my so ] because I was convinced he had nothing to say that could change my perspective on the situation. But that isn't the point of listening. The point of listening is to seek understanding and let the other person know they are heard and valued.

oThe word "genius" means "giving birth to one's joy." In other words, our children are geniuses at what brings them the most joy.
In education, then, "genius" essentially means "giving birth to the joy oflearning." "Genius isn't awakened in a fancy kit or sophisticated syllabus," Armstrong wrote, "but in the simple but profound moments of an experience-rich childhood."

Bruce Perry, a senior fellow of the Child Trauma Academy, said that it is far better to have a poverty of material things than a poverty of relationships.

Our job as parents is not to protect our children from all the pain, but to walk through it with them and provide age-appropriate protections along the way.

Adventure starts with getting outside. If getting outside sounds complicated, it's because we make it so. The solution is not to think about it. It's to go. First thing. Before breakfast. Before everyone's dressed. Before you change your mind.

I used to think I had to plan, pack, and make provisions to go outdoors. But nature doesn't send us an invitation with a list of requirements. It simply beckons us to come. Just as we are, with whatever we have. It's always there, always waiting, and always ready to teach us another lesson.

More often than not, there are obstacles in between your family and the goal you have. But these obstacles are often what brings out a necessary fight from within. A fight that your children need to see. Perfection is unattainable, but perseverance is essential in this life."

embarking upon …family hikes brought them closer as a family. They learned how to empathize when someone was feeling worn out. They learned how to slow down and comfort each other. And they learned how to lift each other's spirits by singing, making up games, telling stories, and whistling.

Often, the biggest obstacle between our kids and adventure is us.

Here are several ways to foster curiosity in your own home:
1. Be open to mistakes.
2. Explore more, control less.
3. Let your children guide you.
4. Accept messes as part of the process.
5. Ask questions. Don't always be the expert.

Payne describes downtime as a kind of punctuation that disallows chaotic overactivity, just as a period or comma brings clarity to a sentence. In fact, he prescribes boredom three times a day.

Payne: "Simplification is not iust about taking things away. It is about making room, creating space in your life, your intentions, and your heart.

Research shows that the two most important factors for a developing child are movement and a parent's touch.

The one constant in life is change.

Sally Clarkson / People asked me what our secrets were for influencing our children. This is the secret: loving them well, generously, all the time, in every situation.

Sarah Boyd / "Parenthood is a journey toward emotional maturity. It is learning to respond in love when you are hurt, triggered, and overwhelmed. It is learning to love, even when another's behavior is unlovable."

[Heather Demuth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved reading this and envisioning my family! I have already made some changes in time and how to use it to focus on our family values. Highly recommend if you just need to be reminded that you’re the parent and you decide for your children!

[Jill Marks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Love that she talked about child development and the neurological connection on meeting milestones in order.

The last chapter had me undone. 😭

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful and heartfelt. I laughed, cried, and highlighted many beautiful sentences.

[M. Boyle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Books by Ainsley Arment are a gift to homeschooling families, and she's done it again in this wonderful resource! I highly recommend The Wild + Free Family for parents of kids ages birth - early 20s, and I believe families who don't homeschool will also benefit from Arment's newest book.

[Stephanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'd recommend other books before this one.

[Rachel Simmons · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this book- I loved her first book, but this one was a let down unfortunately. Seemed vague with not much density, not much meat. Some good things, but overall not impressed :/