Made for People: Why We Drift into Loneliness and How to Fight for a Life of Friendship

by Justin Whitmel Earley

Read by the author.

Discover the art of fostering life-giving, life-long friendships and the individual habits that make them possible.

Loneliness is deadly. We know this psychologically and spiritually. Sin wants us to be alone, and it often feels like today's world is tailor-made to keep us that way.

In Made for People—by bestselling author of The Habits of the Household—Justin Whitmel Earley explains why God made us to experience deep friendship and how we can cultivate them despite a culture of busyness, disconnection, and fear of vulnerability.

Through personal stories, research, and biblical wisdom, Justin paints of a picture of God's design for "covenant friendships." This book will teach

How loneliness points to our God-given needs.Why vulnerability is the beginning of real friendship.How to deepen the friendships we already have.Key habits that create a lifestyle of friendship.Isolation may be the norm of modern life, but it doesn’t have to be the story of yours, and it isn’t what you were made for. In fact, you were made to be among people who know you fully and love you anyway.

Leave behind loneliness and build the life of deep connection you long for.

Images and tables to help form covenant friendships are included in the audiobook companion PDF download.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Self Help, Relationships, Faith, Audiobook

Audible Audio

First published August 15, 2023

About the author

Justin Whitmel Earley (JD, Georgetown University) is the creator of The Common Rule, a program of habits designed to form us in the love of God and neighbor. He is also a mergers and acquisitions lawyer in Richmond, Virginia. He previously spent several years in China as the founder and general editor of The Urbanity Project and as the director of Thought and Culture Shapers, a nonprofit organization dedicated to serving the community through arts. He and his wife, Lauren, have four sons and live in Richmond, Virginia.

Reviews

[Whitney Newby]

I’m not even sure how I stumbled across this book, but it exceeded my expectations. It’s practical, inspiring, and left me eager to be a more thoughtful, intentional friend.

[Cherie Miller]

1. Read this book prayerfully.
2. Take time often to just stop, be quiet, and think about things that stuck out to you.
3. Enjoy the juicy, random, copious footnotes.
4. Get together with friends to talk about what you’ve learned.
This book was a gift from a dear friend and I’ll always cherish it.

[Reese Burt]

Truly overhauled my thoughts about what friendship is. This book so clearly spelled out why deep friendships are SO sweet, (Hint: God made us to delight in friendship) and the vital importance of how to maintain them. I’ve already implemented some of these practices in my own life and see sweet fruit from it! Covent friendships are a gift to experience, and so worth hanging onto through the hard. Friendship might be one of my most favorite gifts God gave us🥹😭

[Claudia Beiler]

Loved it enough to *gently* insist that my husband read it - which he did - to which he then gently insisted that his entire family read it as well & sent it to each of them for Christmas.
Powerful.
Lots of conversations & practical changes are coming out of this book.

[Kaley]

I think this is the book that will make me want to continue to read everything Justin Whitmel Earley puts out! I loved the way he discussed friendship as a key component to evangelism in American culture (versus street evangelism). He has really valuable insights of why openness and inclusiveness are key parts of healthy friend circles, reflections on the role of technology in friendship, and how memories and routines deepen friendships. Listened on audio and enjoyed it that way!

[Taylor]

What a great treatise on friendship. I found myself profoundly grateful for my college friendships that mimic the model outlined in this book and which carry me to this day!

[Joshua Crask]

Wish I could do like 2.5 as 2 feels a bit harsh. I like the theory behind this book and I understand the points the author was trying to make, but I feel he is too flippant in the language he uses when talking about God and I think he and I would have some hearty disagreements about theology. All in all, could be a helpful book for some people to see the need for community but my issues are threefold. 1) he does not tie the need for community to the local church, which I think is a crucial bridge that should be crossed somewhere in this book. 2) I do not think he understands truly what a covenant is…he uses this phrase too casually and too often, even referring to the Trinity as having “covenant friendship” which I know is nitpicky but I have some issues with that. 3) he literally has the sentence “God is necessary but not sufficient to the full life of flourishing that he created us for…Because we were made by God for more than God”. I understand the point he was trying to make in context of the chapter but WHAT?! God not sufficient?! Sir……let us have a discussion about God sometime.

[Bailey Roberson]

This was a great read. It is essentially about how we are made to be in community, building deep friendships that he calls “covenant friendships.” This book was very insightful, thought-provoking, and challenging. I would highly recommend this to all of my friends, especially those who, like me, are navigating the post-grad life & what friendships look like now/how to seek them out!

[Rainer Erani]

I think this is the greatest book on friendship that I’ve read to date. Worth every word.

[Raegan Watkins]

This book is such a gift!!! It was VERY encouraging after some long periods of loneliness. There’s so much to be hopeful for in our communities, but ultimately in the new heaven and new earth with Jesus!

At the same time, I found it convicting about how I show up for myself and my friends. Part of facing the battle of loneliness is to be vulnerable with a couple trusted people. It means showing up regularly, ready to share the true, real, and probably hard things we’re thinking and feeling.

Throughout the book, Earley continuously points to friendship being an act of worship and a reflection of Christ. He reminds the reader that Jesus is the ultimate friend through his words (both affirmations and loving rebukes) and his actions (serving others meals and comforting). Because we are forgiven and loved, we have the call and privilege to participate in this kind of friendship with each other during this “already but not yet” period.

May we all find close friends that share with us the life and hope we have in Jesus!

[Chelsea Connor]

Okay this is a hard one to review: message was 10/10. “The current of modern life is to become busier, wealthier people who used to have friends.”

It’s SUCH an important message and call to friendship- I resonated with so much of this and found myself nodding along. There’s a few chapters in particular, about geography (living close to friends! Moving for friends!) that is so counter-cultural and I loved it!!, and another one on technology that was super eye opening. Those couple chapters are worth the whole book in my opinion.

But I think writing on friendship is tough. A well-written book should show me and not just tell me things? But a book on friendship is a lot of other people’s stories, and they probably don’t want it all published in a book haha. So some of the chapters fell a little flat for me because it was more “telling” than showing. But again, that’s tough!

Still 100% worth reading, even if you just read the parts on geography & technology!! Also thankful for a man’s perspective on this!! Most of these books tend to be by women.

[Annie Campbell]

Feel like this is a great read especially for post-grad people trying to continue/grow friendships from a distance. I absolutely loved the chapter on “geography and friendship” - caused me to consider the value of moving somewhere for community first and work second. Immediately going to make my friends read this book and talk about it with me so we can all live in a culdesac together one day.

[Luke Brewer]

Good book, Definitely worth the read. The quirky millennial writing style kind of overshadows everything with a layer of cringe that is hard to shake.

[Taylor Schuster]

“It may be counterintuitive at first, but consider that we are not happiest when we are hiding and “safe”. We are happiest when we are exposed and loved anyway.”

Lovely, heavy book that honestly had me in tears multiple times

[Christy]

Worth the hype. Wish I would’ve read it earlier but also I think God knew it was a book for right now.

[Betsy Plowman]

The company you keep is so important. Grateful for the reminders of what healthy, Godly friendship looks like and the importance of being vulnerable. I really enjoyed reading this and was challenged by it.

[Alecia]

I’ve always said that “friendship isn’t covenant.” This book made me think differently. While holding important distinctions between covenant friendships and a covenant marriage, this book absolutely beautifully holds a picture of what we were made for — friendship. “It’s not good for man to be alone.” Yes, there are challenging issues in friendship that the book could have addressed more fully, but that wasn’t the point. The author states that the main push for this book is to fight FOR friendship in a cultural current that pushes us AWAY from friendship, and that’s very much his focus. Yes, there are caveats. Each chapter addresses a specific “art” of friendship — like geography, invitation, memory — and habits that cultivate that art.

I’ll re-read this book in the future, ideally with friends. 🤍

[Ervina Yoder]

The first Justin Whitmel Earley I’ve read and one of my favorites this year. I understand my sister’s incessant encouragement to read his earlier works and my cousin’s statement that this one would be worthwhile for the forward alone. I’ve experienced the gift of deep covenant friendships beginning in my late teens and then newer ones in the last few years and am profoundly grateful for the ways they’ve shaped my life and love for Jesus. A powerful and important read for every Christian in community.

[Tim Michiemo]

4.4 Stars

Another gem of a book from one of my favorite authors, Justin Whitman Earley. This book is a small part of Earley’s life message, that we are shaped by our habits, and one of those habits is the making of friends. Too many of us are shaped by the secular hustle and bustle and have too little time for friendship. Earley reminds us of the gospel importance of friendship and then invites us into habits that will help us form friendship that will transform us, and be a light to others. A great read and I highly recommend!

[Donovan]

Really loved this one. Want all my friends to read it too. :) Too many good quotes to list them all, so I’ll settle for three:

“Like the sunrise, friendship is not something you accomplish so much as something you arrange your life for, bear witness too, and then give thanks for.”

Love this emphasis on *intentionally arranging your life for friendship*. On that note:

“When you make someone an ongoing part of your schedule, something even bigger happens: you make them an ongoing part of your life…. Schedules are scaffolds for a season that provide the structure of relationship…. A schedule helps you get better at saying no to the tyranny of the urgent so you can say yes to it is really important—cultivating a life of friendship.”

And of course, grateful for the many simple meals that have been feasts just by nature of the those I shared them with:
“Food alone is just a big meal, but friendships make a feast.”

[Kelsey Bruinwood]

"It sounds blasphemous: you can be lonely with God. In Eden, Adam had the one thing you would think he needed, right? You would think that God was sufficient, right? But God himself said, 'No, it is not good.'"

This book reminded me of how thankful I am for the deep covenant friendships that God has gifted me. In a world that is becoming increasingly isolated and lonely, living into our identity as people made to be with one another is more important than ever. Truly cannot recommend this book enough.

[Konrad]

Truly one of the most influential books of I ever read. Seriously. Too many takeaways to list here, but the central premise of reorienting my time, habits, and priorities towards covenant friendship has deeply enriched my life and consistently returned me to myself. The ideas in this book are what an increasingly more isolated and lonely America needs, and authentic Christian community offers the unique pathway to being wholly known and loved regardless.

[Jory Bayne]

In classic Earley fashion, this book is filled with practical suggestions for living a life of Christ-like friendship. Highly recommend for busy parents, college students, and anyone longing for deep and meaningful friendships in their lives.

[Katelyn]

This book is SO good!! It does a great job of outlining the theology behind friendship and sharing practical ways to cultivate covenant friendships! I would recommend this to literally everyone!

[Gabriella Da Silva]

Absolutely love it!

[Sarah Browder]

Loved the interwoven biblical theology of friendship. Thought there was some really great tangible, practical advice given but mostly enjoyed the theology and his laying out of reasons WHY friendship and community is so important. He also did a lot of clarifying between friendship as the world defines if and as God defines it that was helpful. Great read! Pick a couple of friends to read it with!

[Bri Stoltzfus]

“A true friend, after all, is someone who knows you that well and decides to stick around anyway.””

Whether you are in the throes of loneliness, have thriving friendships or find yourself someplace in between, this book is thought provoking and convicting. It caused me to take a long hard look at what I really believe about friendship and how God uses it in my life for my good and for my sanctification

[Jasmine Strite]

Very good read. At first I wasn’t sure if I’d like it. But then it was good as I got into it more. It got me excited again about creating spaces for connection to happen through hosting and also made me grateful for deep friendships.

[Betsy Wepfer]

Loved loved. I really love the way Justin structures his books and his narration is fantastic. Can’t begin to list my favorite parts of it- just so good. Overall made me very thankful for the friendships I have, the way they have grown, and how they have been consistent “covenant friends.” Also challenged me in ways I can better love them. I loved how he started the book with definitions for different types of friends, including his definition for covenant friends- “to be fully known and fully loved anyway.” He gives very practical habits for how to cultivate a life of friendship and fight for covenant friends. He gives a lot of scripture references, touches a lot on technology in friendship, geography, worship/community, and evangelism through friendship. Highly recommend for any age and season of life!

[Kyle Brewer]

A hopeful and compelling book. Earley wisely observes “the current of modern life is to become busier, wealthier people who used to have friends” and rejects complacency as an option. To become more like Jesus, who calls himself a friend to his people, we are to exercise and enjoy friendship as he does.

Especially helpful is the idea that true friendship is based on honesty. Honesty both about ourselves (vulnerability) and our friends (encouragement and rebuke).

I’m not entirely sold on the “covenant friendship” language but I appreciate the attempt to create a label for intimate and lasting friendship that lacks the exclusivity and rigidity of “best friend.”

This read made me exceedingly grateful to the Lord for friends who know me deeply and love me anyway.