So, I have just finished reading Playing Dead. Am I the only slow reader here? It's a long review, as it's the book I feel most connected with—therefore interwoven with my own personal journey. Robert Sheehan’s Playing Dead is truly fascinating on many different levels.
First of all, why is it always the funniest characters in life that hold hidden layers of doubt in themselves? A fear that they are not good enough. We would tell them they are more than enough. Take Robin Williams, for example, when he said, “I fear my consciousness becoming, not just dull, but a rock. I couldn’t spark.” Robin could never be dull, and neither could Robert.
The book itself is three for the price of one. Featuring Robert’s journey through meditation, an autobiography, and personal poems scattered throughout.
If you have watched any of his series or films, you might expect him to be an outgoing, lively, eccentric extrovert. But after reading his second book, he seems quite the opposite. Robert references feeling socially awkward. I think that nervous energy feeds into his work and makes him an incredible actor.
There are lots of personal accounts and an insider's view into the entertainment industry. One story that stood out to me was the bullying culture that we have. Robert recounts an audition he went to in Hollywood. Three women laughed and asked him to confirm if he intended to do the scene in that way. For a Jack Black movie, no less! Art is an expression, and I can guarantee, we the audience would have loved it. Jack Black and Robert are the duo we never knew we needed, until now...
A few years ago, I had studied meditation and fell into the category that Robert mentions in his book. I couldn't drown out my thoughts. When sitting down to meditate, the noise got so loud in my head it felt pointless. Or I would forget to sit in the lotus position (not required). One road I went down was the Law of Attraction, and this seemed to work better for me at the time. Mary Kate, the mindset coach, has beautiful affirmation meditations that you can listen to while you sleep. Given my hectic lifestyle, I fall asleep easily, so this was also a lazy way for me to find a sense of balance. Writing is another. When I put my thoughts to paper, my mind goes quiet—briefly. For years I have said it’s a form of therapy.
I digress. As part of the Law of Attraction, you focus on gratitude and ask the universe for something you would like. So, I decided to test out the Law of Attraction theory and told the universe I wanted to meet Robert in person to prove the Law of Attraction existed, as I had written a movie script about a character I could imagine him playing. Now, this was the ultimate test. Being an actor, it's not the type of situation where you just randomly encounter a celebrity. It's not like you're shopping for bread, while making idle chit-chat with Tom Cruise about the weather. Well, unbeknownst to me at the time, Robert was writing his first book, Disappearing Act. I traveled to Dublin and got to meet him in person during his book signing.
Unfortunately, the Dublin wine seemed a tad stronger than the Scottish stuff, and so I mainly just talked gibberish. However, when I turned the corner and faced him directly, I saw a human. Not a celebrity. But a human being that deserves to say no to his fans.
In one chapter there was the horrifying story of a fan chasing him down the street, swearing at him as he said no to an autograph. We have a tendency to place celebrities on a pedestal. They have reached a pivotal point in their career that we could only ever dream of. I say we—I mean you. I know I would struggle with my personal life boundaries being breached. Fame is not for the weak-hearted.
Not in any way to devalue a celebrity, but instead, as fans, we need to respect their boundaries. We have a sense of self-entitlement but often forget that outside of their career, they are made of the same flesh. In the town where I live, we have our own local celebrities. Often, I forget just how famous they are to the rest of the world because, to us, they are just the local lads that we grew up with.
I'm beginning to think that acting is similar to being a writer. Whilst we take care and pride in our work, the writing is subjective. You’re Marmite. One person loves you; another hates you. I recall one author saying that you don't need to be everyone's cup of tea. You just need to find that one reader that you can connect with. Just one. Then your writing is worthwhile. As writers, we tend to self-criticize to the point that we struggle with imposter syndrome. Some people never even publish their books. They sit unpublished for fear of the outside world. Not me. The only part of my life in which I have been fearless. Do I doubt my work is good enough? Absolutely. But I’m going to put it out there anyway.
As mentioned at the beginning of my account, it was Robert and Ari Gold who inspired me to take my writing seriously. My first script was utter garbage. I was so proud of my efforts. Looking back, I am glad it never saw the light of day, but this set me on the path of writing movie scripts.
One evening, I listened to a live Instagram poetry evening that Ari and Robert did. I sent Ari one of my poems and was astounded when he replied. Around the same time, Robert had also said during an interview, “Don’t let a little thing like grammar get in your way of writing; that’s what editors are for.” One of the main reasons I held back was that I worried my writing would be full of spelling mistakes and bad grammar—but he was right. Editors are worth their weight in gold.
Soon after, I wrote a short three-minute script based on a conversation I had, created an Instagram account, and uploaded it. This was the catalyst. Since then, I have published three children's books (an accidental path) and included Robert and Ari in the dedication for my first book. Although they don't know me, their creativity found me. I never told my friends or even family. There is a great saying: keep what you're doing a secret, until it no longer is. Needless to say, they were very surprised to hear that I had published a book or written movie scripts—how random.
Another person said that writing is like going to the gym. If you're consistent, you build those muscles. I like to think that my work holds more substance now. Although I have always been a writer, I classed it more as a personal hobby. I asked my friends recently if they would come with me to a poetry night. They said sure—it’s not their thing, but it's mine, and as my friends, they would come. This was very touching, and I truly have some remarkable friends. Here, online, I found my creative people.
Sadly, we have a heavy drinking culture in Scotland. Creative arts tend to be limited to going to bands or discussing movies unless you live in one of the major cities like Edinburgh. Poetry evenings are just not something that we '80s kids do around these parts. Or if there are any, I haven't heard of them. In fact, around the time when Take That mania had started, I had purchased Chesney Hawkes’s album and sat watching Buddy's Song, so I guess I have always been a bit of an odd one out. Perhaps all creatives feel this way—that we don't fit in. Part of our own transformative journey is realizing that we ALL have a place in this world.
I think that's why people are drawn to the stardom of celebrities. Often people are disappointed when they meet their heroes. They play their characters so well that certain expectations have been formed. Essentially, what we like about them mirrors what we are looking for in our waking life. In Robert’s case, he is environmentally conscious and has a kind-hearted nature that we want to see more of in this world. His book is full of good ideas to tackle the ongoing issues that we face with climate change. But in his art, he makes us laugh, which came at the right time for most during the coronavirus. When The Umbrella Academy came out, Robert reached a new level of celebrity status that, at the time, he wasn't prepared for. This led him to meditation.
The word enlightenment is often referred to online, but often left me wondering what it is. The Law of Attraction was easier to define. If I ask for something and it happens, then it confirms it's real. But after my one-hit wonder, my spate of bad luck returned. For years I have given power to my words by stating over and over again, "I am cursed." However, just like the movie Just My Luck, I do seem to have more unlucky encounters than most. Nowadays, I just laugh. Meditation brings a sense of calm, but the Law of Attraction brings a sense of hope. These days, I believe that we have an infinite number of realities and that somewhere in another parallel life, there is a Lindsay living her best life. However, I realize how petty this sounds. These are first-world problems. After all, I have a warm home, food, loving family and friends, and more importantly, freedom of speech.
In one chapter, he suggests a meditation for the start of a school class. This would be a massive benefit to any child struggling with ADHD or even a hectic home life. Children attending school come from all walks of life, and a sense of being and calm would greatly benefit their studies. I also fully understood his logic in terms of struggling to connect academically. I recall one poster in school stating, "If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will forever spend its life thinking it's stupid."
Some hold a craft that cannot be taught, for the most part, in a classroom. Other subjects that should hold merit include teaching finances, how to sew, and how to use a washing machine. It's only when we leave school, with our limited holidays and adult life, that we suddenly grasp the concept of how difficult it is. Perhaps that's why mental health is at an all-time low.
So yeah, brilliant book! You won't be disappointed. And if someone could tell me the name of the retreat in Bali where I can get an emotional cleanse... that would be great!
And finally, I won’t spoil the last chapter, but let’s just say it connects to the immortality that his characters have had.