A Love That Kills: Stories of Forensic Psychology and Female Violence

by Anna Motz

'An empathetic and necessary corrective to the stereotypes peddled by so many sensational true crime shows' Oprah Daily

Anna Motz is one of the most internationally acclaimed forensic psychotherapists at work today. For more than three decades she has treated women imprisoned for violent crimes. With candor, compassion, insight and a clear-eyed perspective Anna introduces us to eleven ordinary women who came to commit extraordinary acts, examining the fault lines that led to their crimes, and the sometimes perilous journey both therapist and patient take towards recovery.

PLEASE When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

Genres: Nonfiction, True Crime, Psychology, Crime, Audiobook, Memoir, Medicine

Audible Audio

Published March 2, 2023

Reviews

[Petra X · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eleven women, all killers, their stories peeled back to trauma and abuse, but still killers. Sometimes it seems there is always an excuse, or a reason if you prefer. Most people, most of us, who have been abused and traumatised, do not become violent and worse, murderers. It's as if evil doesn't exist, only pathways that for some, once on it, will end up as if the devil was wreaking havoc.

The questions I ask myself are, would the women have become killers without their abusive backgrounds? Some of them seemed to be psychopaths to me. And, why do some abused women become so violent, but very, very few. Most go on to think they would never bring up a child like that, would never stay with a man like that, would always aim to do better by their children, try to move on and make a good life. So what goes wrong for the few?

Interesting book, a different angle - just women - from most forensic psychology books. The author writes really well, so definitely a 5-star.
__________

TMI? I did not have a happy childhood. This is just a small excerpt as I can't bear to write it. I was emotionally and physically abused by my parents. Not sexually, that was others not that my parents cared. About a teacher in primary school, "We didn't want to ruin Mr. Edmunds career". That seems to have been general. Eventually someone reported him to the police, he used to expose himself to little girls of 9 and 10, and ... he was moved to another school district.

In grammar school, aged 13 with a friend, a man exposed himself and masturbated in front of us. The headmistress said we were lying and just made it up to justify why we had been on the boys' sports ground (we'd been there because it was the easiest access to the off-licence where we bought little bottles of rum to mix with our lunchtime yoghurts. Made the afternoon go faster.) So she told my parents and I got punished again.

I was spanked all the bloody time with shoes, brushes etc so bad that I couldn't bend or sit for the damage to the crease of my buttocks and back of my knees. I can't remember how young I was when it first happened. My brother got it too, but only with my mother's hand, never from my father and never with implements. He was the Golden Child. The last time for being 14 and playing with make-up with the 11 year old girl next door. It was so bad I couldn't go to school for two days. I threatened them with the police. My father was a magistrate. It never happened again.

I was badly bullied at school. One of the teachers cared. No one else did, including my parents. I skipped school spending my days in the library, I was frightened of the bullies. But later, rape, sexual abuse, physical abuse, all kind of stuff happened to me, I'd finished school two years early, left home too young at 17, partly pushed out by my father as I 'upset my mother', so I had no one to turn to, I just handled it. And I did not become an abuser or killer or anything else, and raising my son strived to do better.

This was probably TMI and I might delete it later. It was cathartic to write in a way but as I was writing I kept remembering more. I used to want to be poor, instead of middle-class, and living in council housing so I might get rescued by Social Services. It was a case of no one, except my grandmother, who did her best, ever believed me, and my brother and mother delighted in my punishments.

[Tegan · Rating 3 out of 5]

The compassion with which each woman’s story is told is really outstanding. I just felt like some depth was lacking in each story- which I guess is necessary to publish a book with so many different elements. I think I’d have preferred more depth, particularly in the childhood trauma faced by each woman. Solid read though

[Chris Bedford · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating set of therapeutic stories, peeling back layers of trauma and abuse that lurk behind some many violent and criminal behaviours exhibited by the women in question. Motz implores us to see the perpetrator’s story as well as their crime, and invites us on the perilous journey through her process, often repulsed and horrified by what she is hearing, but staying true to her role of witness and mirror, giving insight to those she treats, helping them to change their behaviour and reduce future risk.

She also challenges us to avoid negative stereotypes of females who commit violence, as well as being cautious with positive stereotypes that can actually hide and prolong abuse, as detailed in a sickening chapter about a case of FII (Fabricated or Induced Illness)

My only complaint is that the author ‘tells’ rather than ‘shows’ the sessions, with barely any dialogue or description, taking the reader out of the room, offering a second-hand anecdote of the encounter instead. It didn’t stop me enjoying the book or flying through the pages, but it did take one star off my review.

[Dina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Horrifyingly tragic stories but told with much sincerity and compassion and it teaches some rather useful concepts about attachment, societal expectations of women and roots of violence and generational trauma

[Ali Hassan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Love That Kills: Stories of Forensic Psychology by Dr. Anna Motz offers a gripping and unsettling journey into the minds of individuals whose relationships turn deadly, providing a rare glimpse into the world of forensic psychology.

The book is a collection of case studies, each detailing real-life examples of domestic violence, murder, and extreme psychological behavior within intimate relationships. Through these cases, Dr. Motz examines the complex motivations and psychological patterns behind such violence, shedding light on how love, obsession, and pathology can become dangerously intertwined. Her background as a forensic psychologist adds a layer of depth and insight, making the stories both clinically informed and emotionally resonant.

What sets A Love That Kills apart is its sensitive yet clear-eyed portrayal of both perpetrators and victims, avoiding sensationalism while diving into the psychological underpinnings of violent behavior.

Dr. Motz’s ability to connect broader theories of psychology with the specific details of each case adds to the book’s educational value, providing readers with a deep understanding of how trauma, attachment issues, and mental illness contribute to violent outcomes.

The writing is accessible yet thoughtful, making the book suitable for both professionals in the field and general readers with an interest in forensic psychology.

Overall, A Love That Kills is a chilling but illuminating exploration of the darkest aspects of human relationships and the psychological forces that drive them.

[Olive W-G · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love the way Motz writes and her empathy for these women and their stories was evident throughout without minimizing their crimes. The main thread through the chapters was the exploration of the devastating consequences of trauma/abuse and its links to future criminality. I understand the need for anonymity when writing about real patients but I felt the choice to not mention the race/ethnic background left a huge part of the conversation out. As we know there’s major intersectionality between trauma and gender/race/class. Regardless it was a thoughtful and compelling read.

[Lucy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting, and I really liked that each chapter was about a different origin of female violence, ranging from erotomania, to Munchausen's by proxy, to psychosis. Massive emphasis on how the lines between victim and perpetrator can overlap, and how upbringing and your childhood really plays a part in who you are as an adult - "the body keeps the score". All these stories were incredibly sad.

[Yux · Rating 5 out of 5]

An intimate portrait of female violence that is rooted in empathy and lends a holistic lens to understanding women who commit horrible acts of violence. Motz's work is gripping, informative and written with refreshingly self-reflexivity and respect. Even more interesting to read parallel to The Silent Patient

[Ruby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating book! Raw and confronting, but also poignant, it really highlights the complexity of the human condition, and violent acts. Not for the faint of heart, but I couldn’t put this book down!

[Sinéad Tuohy · Rating 4 out of 5]

cried. i love women. i’m so sorry that they experience pain. i hope i can help women like anna motz does

[Megan Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this book. From my previous reads (Christopher Berry-Dee) Motz brings a new perspective about female offenders. I found her way of retelling the offenders stories and their experiences that have called them to lash out to be more sympathetic and to give them a voice. It was interesting go hear what Motz had to say about the people she would help and how it all internally connected to reach this point where the victims turn into perpetrators without realising its an outward show of their inner trauma.

[Mia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Society has no villain like a woman who kills.

This was understandably a lot to take on. It was pretty tough to get through because every new story was pretty distressing in some way. I think sharing these stories is important. I appreciated how Anna Motz broke down the stereotypes around motherhood especially and how women are viewed as victims most of the time, despite this not necessarily being the most constructive way to view the situation. I thought this book would mostly be about women killing their husbands but it's a lot more.

[Morgan Butler · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really strengthened my love and passion for forensic psychology. It reminded me of how complex humans are. All chapters were told with so much compassion and empathy, describing trauma and how that linked with the awful offences that took place. I found it so intriguing how the offence was described but then life history, background and other factors were not described in a way that excused the behaviour. I just loved it!

[Ffion-Lowri · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Love That Kills is a chilling and thought-provoking exploration of the dark side of toxic relationships and the psychological dynamics of abusive love.

This book offers a deep dive into the minds of individuals trapped in dangerous, obsessive relationships, and the effects of emotional and psychological manipulation.

Motz’s background as a forensic psychologist lends authority to the book, which is filled with real-life case studies and psychological analysis. While it offers valuable insights into the psychology of abusive relationships, its often heavy and unsettling content may be difficult for some readers to digest.

Overall, it’s a powerful and sobering read for those interested in understanding the complexities of abusive dynamics.

[James Butler · Rating 3 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️ 1/2

[Emily Yeoman · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

I have alot of complicated thoughts about this book. I know how to put them into words.

[Jm Goodland · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is insightful but also some of the stories are quite harrowing and maybe triggering for some. If your interested in people and their lives this book is very well written.

[Cheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as interesting as others I’ve read

[Ksenija_P · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not my usual genre, but im glad I picked this book.

With real life cases, learning about psychology was very intriguing, insightful and never boring.

[PowerAvocado · Rating 5 out of 5]

great book

[Nightshade · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was fascinating. It took me a while to read as it covers some very serious topics and can therefore be heavy to read at times. I particularly found the chapters involving children to be difficult.

But I believe it provides a very important insight into the lives of women in the justice system, how they come to be there, and how they can move forward with their lives.

It is sad that in so many of these women's cases that their crimes that led them to prison could have been avoided if better support and intervention had been provided sooner in their lives.

I would really recommend this book to anyone. It provides a brilliant insight to a part of our lives in the UK that people rarely stop to consider.

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Forensic psych was one of the best courses I took in undergrad. Follows the same school of thought and theory that criminal behavior is symptomatic of an underlying conflict or set of emotions. A direct, to the point, and brief read at 262 pages that reveals important insights and narratives that inform how crime can be studied and better understood, studied, and addressed

Quotes:
"Vulnerability and volatility were deeply intertwined." ... "the volcano and the void"
"Babies are, according to Kelinian theory, unable to recognise that both good and bad can exist within the same entity."