Needy: How to Advocate for Your Needs and Claim Your Sovereignty

by Mara Glatzel

Reclaim and reimagine self-care, on your terms.

You have needs—your needs matter. And yet, you've been taught that pushing your needs to the back burner is the only way to get things done, that your needs are an overwhelming burden, or that self-care is a luxury you can't afford. But the presence of your needs is a fact and not a flaw. You can reclaim your energy and take up space in your own life.

In Needy, Mara Glatzel shares her unique approach to identifying, honoring, and advocating for the most tender and true parts of yourself that yearn to be acknowledged. She invites you to embody self-acceptance, which leads to meaningful growth in self-responsibility, self-care, self- trust, and self-love.

Woven with threads of timeless wisdom, honest assessments of our needs, and heartfelt personal stories of transformation, Needy illustrates a profound vision of what is possible when you listen to the stirrings of your heart and reclaim your undisputed sovereignty.

Through thought-provoking exercises, daily check-ins, and journal prompts, Glatzel shows us how to carve out a path to do things in our own way and on our own terms—even if that feels scary or impossible right now. In practicing this work, you will begin to see how to live your life with unshakable confidence, knowing that you can exist in all your humanity because you are enough exactly as you are. These powerful teachings will show you how

Live your life, instead of allowing your life to live you Significantly improve your relationships with family, friends, and coworkers Speak, think, and listen in ways that honor your needs and boundaries Break patterns that lead to stress, resentment, guilt, and shame Release what no longer serves you, and heal the layers of hurt you’ve been carrying Needy is a moving call to action that will awaken hearts, illuminate the path home to ourselves, and provide the tools to forge a life we love. Now is the time to bravely step into your next chapter, grounded in principles that last an eternity.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook, Psychology, Personal Development

Audible Audio

Published February 28, 2023

Reviews

[Elyse Ash · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a Mara Glatzel superfan, I've been anticipating the release of this book before it was even written. Mara's voice is kind, honest, compassionate and grounded. Somehow she is both idealistic and realistic all at once. She understands the societal and structural limitations we place on ourselves that make it borderline-impossible to meet our own needs - AND YET - this book and her words serve as a reminder of how we absolutely must prioritize this work if we wish to have strong relationships with ourselves and the people we love.

My copy of this book is covered in highlights and notes to myself in the margins. It will sit by my bed and be a physical reminder of how we are all needy and that's what makes us human.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

A thoughtful journey through ways of identifying and advocating for your needs. The journal prompts are great questions for visualizing and digging deeper in to what you need and how you might get there. I suppose the biggest endorsement I have is that reading this made me question a lot of my life and what is possible.

(Digital ARC via edelweiss/above the tree line)

[Amy C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a generous, gentle, lovingly guided roadmap back to ourselves, a homecoming. So many books in the self-help category often feel like they are adding more to our already-overflowing plates and lives but Needy instead invites us to meet ourselves exactly where we're at (without judgment) and to not only ask ourselves what we need in that moment but to only do what feels doable in the moment. Mara's expertise in the area of self-care and learning how to get to know and trust ourselves again is beyond evident. Her book uses her tremendously helpful Needy Framework to support ourselves in discovering where we're at and actually learning how to meet ourselves. Each chapter also includes invaluable journal prompts and questions that will invite the reader to curiously and gently peek behind the curtain and dive deeper into our relationship with ourselves, getting to know ourselves and what we need along the way. This book couldn't have come at a better time in my life. As I read it, it felt like Mara had peered into my life and soul and wrote in response to my exact needs in the moment. This book is for any and everyone but in particular, those who identify as women and mothers and those who work in helping and healing fields. This book will be recommended to every single one of my clients moving forward because it's that essential and profound.

Thank you, Mara, for this tremendous gift!

[Sarah Cupitt · Rating 3 out of 5]

don’t be too loud, too emotional, too demanding – too needy

The journey toward self-partnership begins with recognizing that your needs matter – not because you’ve earned care through productivity or people-pleasing, but because you inherently deserve it.

notes:
- Safety represents the most fundamental human need, serving as the energetic foundation for everything else. When you feel unsafe, your bandwidth for creativity, connection, and self-expression diminishes dramatically.
- Many people undermine their safety without realizing it. They speak harshly to themselves when they make mistakes, prioritize external validation over internal wisdom, or abandon their needs to maintain relationships.
- When uncomfortable feelings arise, resist pushing through them. Instead, pause to identify what might support you in that moment.
- We postpone self-care by convincing ourselves there will be a better, less chaotic time to start. Meanwhile, we continue functioning on borrowed energy, unaware that this approach makes everything harder and eventually leads to burnout.
- Rest goes beyond sleep. It encompasses any activity that restores your energy rather than depleting it. What replenishes you is deeply personal.
- To reclaim rest in your daily life, start by identifying what drains you. These energy leaks might be unresolved tasks, challenging conversations, or boundary issues creating subtle stress.
- Next, transform your approach to each day. Check in with how you genuinely feel, limit your focus to just three achievable tasks, and establish a clear endpoint for work. Plan specifically how you’ll restore your energy afterward instead of pushing until nothing remains
- When was the last time you felt truly nourished? Not just fed, but deeply satisfied in a way that generated more energy than it consumed? For many, this feeling remains elusive because they’ve been conditioned to believe their needs must be earned or that tending to themselves is selfish
- Sustenance goes beyond basic self-care. It’s about consistently feeding yourself what you’re genuinely hungry for – whether that’s connection, creativity, solitude, or physical nourishment. This form of care connects to your deepest sense of safety and security, reinforcing the belief that you matter enough to be cared for every day without having to earn it.
-Many people fall into patterns of emergency self-care, waiting until they’re completely depleted before attending to their needs. This cycle creates a roller coaster of burnout and minimal recovery. Your exhaustion, emotional fragility, and resentment aren’t character flaws
- Ask: What am I truly hungry for right now?
- How many of us live in fear that if we showed up as our authentic selves, the people we care about might abandon us?
- Rebuilding self-trust starts with a simple but powerful question: What’s true for me today? Not what your partner, mother, or society expects – just you.
- Trust yourself to make one decision without seeking others’ opinions. Allow yourself five minutes of genuine self-care.
- Sometimes the hardest truth to face is that the life you’ve carefully built doesn’t actually align with what matters most to you.
- Integrity means more than just honesty with others – it’s about being honest with yourself first.
- You can cherish someone deeply while still acknowledging when their behavior bothers you. Yet many people never extend this same flexible, unconditional acceptance to themselves.
- To begin incorporating more celebration into your life, start by acknowledging what you’re currently working on. Set an intention to recognize your efforts daily by writing down three things you value about yourself. These don’t need to be achievements – they can simply be qualities you appreciate.

[Anne Jisca · Rating 2 out of 5]

Premise: it is important to acknowledge that we have needs. We do need to take time to fill those needs, even when having to fill so many other people’s needs (kids, partner, work, society).

A big percentage of this book (2/3?) is lists of journaling questions. I think it’s important to emphasize this. If you’re wanting a book to work through and process, this is a good one. If you’re wanting a book to listen to (as I did), then this isn’t so much the book for you (or me).

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was absolute perfection. I still struggle a ton with even having needs (let alone advocating for them to be met) but I'm getting better. This is a book that I can listen to over and over and over again as it feels like every single word is important. I'm sure I say this a lot, but it's one of my top five all time favourite well-being/self-help books. I'd consider this a must-read, too.

[Maree · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars 🌟

[Jung · Rating 2 out of 5]

In "Needy: How to Advocate for Your Needs and Claim Your Sovereignty", Mara Glatzel offers a compassionate and empowering guide for those who have long suppressed their own desires and instincts out of fear of appearing 'too much.' The book directly challenges the cultural conditioning that labels neediness as a weakness or a flaw and instead reclaims it as a natural, human experience that deserves attention and care. Glatzel encourages readers to abandon the performance of perfection and to instead enter into a genuine relationship with themselves—one based on self-trust, consistent care, and radical self-acceptance. She asserts that meeting your own needs isn’t selfish; it’s essential for cultivating a fulfilling, sustainable life.

Many people grow up learning that being liked or accepted requires minimizing themselves. As a result, they often live disconnected from their own needs, constantly managing how others perceive them instead of listening to their own internal guidance. Glatzel makes the case that these strategies, while sometimes necessary for survival, ultimately distance people from their own sense of wholeness. The path back to yourself begins with acknowledging that your needs matter—not because you’ve worked hard enough or pleased enough people, but simply because you exist.

A central message of the book is that true safety doesn’t come from external conditions like financial stability or secure relationships; instead, it’s cultivated through your inner relationship with yourself. This emotional safety forms the foundation for everything else in life. When people feel unsafe internally—when they criticize themselves harshly, ignore their limits, or override their emotions—they are less able to be present, creative, or connected. By developing a habit of self-kindness, especially during moments of difficulty, readers can begin to reestablish trust with themselves. Small daily acts, like responding to fatigue with rest or allowing emotions to surface without judgment, reinforce the message that you can rely on yourself, even when things are hard.

The book also challenges the notion that rest must be earned. Glatzel points out how many of us delay rest until everything on our to-do list is complete—a moment that rarely arrives. This perpetual postponement leads to burnout and exhaustion, not because we’re flawed, but because we’ve internalized a system that values output over well-being. Rest, she argues, isn’t a luxury or reward but a necessity. True rest might come in the form of sleep, but it could also be anything that replenishes your energy: solitude, nature, laughter, or movement. The key is to recognize what genuinely restores you and to prioritize it as part of your daily rhythm, rather than something squeezed into leftover time.

Glatzel invites readers to explore what they are truly hungry for—not just in terms of food, but in a broader emotional and spiritual sense. She distinguishes between immediate cravings and deeper longings, encouraging us to tune into the latter. Many people only respond to their needs once they’ve reached a breaking point, living in cycles of overextension and emergency care. The book offers gentle guidance for identifying early signs of depletion so that needs can be addressed before crisis hits. This includes paying attention to subtle cues like irritability, fatigue, or overwhelm, and responding with small, manageable steps toward self-nourishment. Importantly, Glatzel reminds us that we are not responsible for managing others’ feelings about our needs; our responsibility lies in honoring and expressing them clearly.

Another vital part of the journey is rebuilding trust in your own voice. For those who’ve spent years relying on external approval to feel okay, learning to trust their internal guidance can feel unfamiliar and risky. Yet, Glatzel emphasizes that reconnecting with your preferences, instincts, and emotions is crucial. She offers the simple practice of asking yourself, 'What’s true for me today?' as a way to get reacquainted with your inner voice. Whether it’s choosing what to eat, how to spend your time, or who to engage with, honoring your truth in small decisions helps build the confidence needed to trust yourself in bigger ones.

Living in alignment with your values is another cornerstone of the book’s philosophy. Glatzel explores how many people build lives around what they think they 'should' want—careers, relationships, or roles that gain approval but don’t actually reflect what they care about. This misalignment leads to constant tension and a sense of depletion. The process of realignment begins with clarifying your core values and then slowly reshaping your actions and commitments to reflect those values more truthfully. This often includes learning to say no, releasing responsibilities that don’t belong to you, and creating boundaries that support your well-being. These aren’t easy shifts, but they are essential for creating a life that feels both sustainable and meaningful.

One of the most transformative ideas in the book is the concept of unconditional self-love. Glatzel points out that many people only offer themselves care or kindness when they’ve met certain conditions—when they’ve been productive, kind, or successful. But when mistakes happen or needs go unmet, that love is often withdrawn. This conditional approach mirrors the dysfunctional dynamics many of us have experienced with others and only deepens feelings of inadequacy. Instead, the book calls for a more generous self-regard, one that persists through imperfection, confusion, and failure. Loving yourself in this way doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior; it means committing to staying in relationship with yourself through every phase of growth.

Practical tools are woven throughout the book, including creating personal care menus for different emotional states, communicating needs directly without managing how others respond, and learning to distinguish your responsibilities from those of others. These tools help readers build resilience and emotional sovereignty—qualities that allow you to stand firmly in your truth without collapsing under pressure or over-functioning to gain approval. The more you root into yourself, the more stable and secure you feel, regardless of external circumstances.

The final, yet equally important, element Glatzel explores is the role of celebration in everyday life. She argues that joy is not a frivolous extra, but a vital component of a nourished and meaningful life. Rather than waiting for major accomplishments to justify celebration, we can cultivate appreciation for small, ordinary moments. This helps to counteract perfectionism and invites a more present, grounded experience of life. Whether it's lighting a candle while you clean, savoring a conversation with a loved one, or acknowledging something you like about yourself, these tiny rituals reinforce a sense of worthiness and connection. Celebration, in this context, becomes a practice of remembering that your life is valuable not because of what you achieve, but because of who you are.

In sum, "Needy" delivers a profound reminder that your needs, emotions, and desires are not liabilities to be hidden or minimized—they are signals pointing you toward a more aligned, sustainable, and fulfilling life. Glatzel doesn’t offer a quick fix or a one-size-fits-all formula. Instead, she gently encourages the reader to build a relationship with themselves based on curiosity, consistency, and compassion. The journey of honoring your needs may be uncomfortable at first, especially if you’ve spent years avoiding them. But over time, these small acts of self-partnership accumulate into a foundation of inner strength. You begin to see that care isn’t something you have to earn—it’s something you deserve simply because you’re human. By stepping out of the patterns of self-abandonment and into the practice of self-trust, you claim the right to show up fully and unapologetically in your own life.

[Marissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a treasure. Mara offers profoundly insightful, practical, compassionate, realistic, and generous guidance on how to build a loving, sustainable relationship with yourself and your needs. I want everyone in my life to read this book and understand that how we relate to ourselves and our own needs can be the nourishing foundation for thriving and joyful connections and communities. Mara writes with deep, wholehearted wisdom, humility, kindness, and understanding. It feels like a caring friend is helping you through this journey of being human. I am so grateful for this book, and I hope whoever reads this gets one book for themselves and at least another for their partner, friends, family, clients, students, and more. We all *need* this book :) Thank you, dear Mara, for your beautiful heart.

[Alissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is useful in some ways, but only for people who have really similar experiences to the author’s, I think, and it reads like a memoir just as much as a self help book. She acknowledges that it might not apply to people with lived experiences who are different than hers, to be fair. But I can see a lot of people who will read this book and think “I literally can’t do any of these things,” and she addresses this only on a surface level without anything that really provides answers for people who can’t do these things either because of unresolved complex trauma or a lack of privilege and space or both. She is a compelling and inspirational writer, but this book is not a substitute for systemic change or individual healing work.

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I barely know how to describe how important, affirming, eye-opening, and necessary this book is. Mara has given us a gift here that I know I will return to time and time again. With deep wisdom from someone who has been there (and is still in the process everyday because that’s what it’s all about!), she shares stories and examples and suggestions and makes tangible something so many of us have long found elusive — how to know and meet our own needs in a real, honest, life-changing way. Cannot recommend highly enough!

[Tanya Levy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is absolutely fabulous. It is like sitting across the table from a best friend who is encouraging you to care and tend to yourself. There are invitations throughout to love yourself deeper and explore your heart's desires and what lights you up. It is full of permission to listen to you and your needs. I hope you make the time for this book in your life and heart.

[Amelia · Rating 5 out of 5]

A gorgeous, thoughtful book that will help us all better articulate and advocate for our needs, so we can be our most purposeful, beautiful, best selves (even on our bad days). I love the blessings at the start of each chapter and all the practices included. I'll definitely be buying a copy for so many people in my life.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book if you’re having a hard time not only justifying your needs (to yourself or to others), but struggling to define what your needs even ARE. Through journaling prompts, Glatzel leads the reader on a journey of self reflection…and self reclamation. It is not a flaw to have needs - it is part of the human experience.

[Jessica Jenn · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are some great tips and resources in here to help people heal and become more themselves. Something I believe a lot of us need but may be too proud to admit. Healing and growth are something that will never stop in our lives.

[Jojo · Rating 4 out of 5]

“May you know what you need in order to thrive and have the courage to ask for it.” Such powerful words for an amazing book! ❤️

Melissa Urban said it best — “Needy is the book for anyone who has believed they are too much and not enough at the exact same time.” 🫶🏽

[Laurie Mildenhall · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings about this book! it is a good read for people who have been forced into people pleasing roles, but it conflicts with the downsides I feel come with an individualist society. Overall, I’m definitely glad I read it.

[Jaime · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most important book I have read in a long time. Beautifully crafted—full of wisdom and eye-opening truths. Reading this book was a gift to myself. Thank you, Mara.

[B · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-read, especially for women.

[Ella · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this — came into my life at the right time. Personal anecdotes from the author and journaling prompts made it easily actionable. Highly recommend the audiobook narrated by the author!

[Marykate Hughes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will turn to this again and again. Keep chewing as normal.

[Taylor Kundel-Gower · Rating 5 out of 5]

THE most important book I’ve read this year (and likely one of the most important of all time). I highlighted SO MUCH of this book and will be returning to it again and again.

[Ashley · Rating 2 out of 5]

in a funk & this made it worse…still a good book but didn’t help me like i thought it would

[Peggy]

做一個敢說出需求的人：別為了讓人喜歡而委屈自己！找回藏在責任與疲憊下的真實自我

[Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend everyone read this, at leastttt once, if not a few times

[Renate Eveline · Rating 4 out of 5]

A real gem in terms of content, although I did get a bit lost in the structure at one point.

[Vania EM · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting...

[Tricia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good journal prompts for getting in touch with what you feel, what you need and asking for it.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a helpful, affirming, comforting book. It felt like having the best kind of older sister or loving auntie with you who could actually read your mind, and advocate for you accordingly.
This might not hit the same for everyone, but if you are someone who runs themself ragged doing things for others, or who grew up trying to earn their worth, then this will be very much in your wheelhouse.
Interesting format with mantras, advice, action steps and journal prompts. I normally never get to the extra parts in a book that require a bit of work from me, but with this one I’ve gone back to the start to journal my way through.
I’m really grateful that this book came into my life.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the advanced review copy ❤️❤️❤️