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How to Get Hitched (And Stay Hitched): A 12-Step Program for Marriage-Minded Women
How to Get Hitched (And Stay Hitched)
is a 12-step program that liberates women from the lies they’ve absorbed about men and marriage and offers a new, foolproof roadmap for navigating life and love.
Degree? Check.
Career? Yup.
Money? In the bank.
Marriage?
America is single. It's divorced, under committed, and hopelessly out of touch with how to build a relationship that lasts. Women, in particular, are groomed for a life centered on career and on being fiercely independent - as though marriage and family were a nice idea, or a possible accompaniment, to an otherwise satisfying life.
But if flying solo is so great, why are online dating sites a billion-dollar industry, replete with clients looking to get hitched?
In How to Get Hitched (And Stay Hitched), author and marriage coach Suzanne Venker claims women need a detox from the bogus cultural narratives they've absorbed about men, sex, marriage, work and family. If you're a woman who wants a successful love life (not just a successful professional life), you're going to need a brand new roadmap. And now you have one.
Here is just a sampling of the 12
Get over yourself Find your feminine Get a ring, not a roommate Marry the accountant, not the artist Know your body A call to arms, How to Get Hitched (And Stay Hitched) will ignite a much-needed debate about the misplaced priorities of the modern generation. It is the antidote women need to reject the lies they've been fed by our culture so they can build the happy, balanced lives they crave.
"You have massively impacted the way I see and deal with men. Because of you, I started dating with a clear goal in mind (marriage and children) and also with discipline. At 25, this led me to my now boyfriend who soon will be my fiancé, husband, and hopefully father of my children. Thank you from the bottom of my soul for the enlightening and truthful work that you share with the world!"
"The world and my own mother haven't spoken to me about any of this. Schools and the media taught me that career comes first and that I would be happy even without getting married and not having children. I thought what I was feeling wasn't quite normal until I found your work. Thank you sooo much, Suzanne!" (Lily from Australia)
"I love sharing Suzanne with jaded lonely girlfriends, lol." (Annie)
Degree? Check.
Career? Yup.
Money? In the bank.
Marriage?
America is single. It's divorced, under committed, and hopelessly out of touch with how to build a relationship that lasts. Women, in particular, are groomed for a life centered on career and on being fiercely independent - as though marriage and family were a nice idea, or a possible accompaniment, to an otherwise satisfying life.
But if flying solo is so great, why are online dating sites a billion-dollar industry, replete with clients looking to get hitched?
In How to Get Hitched (And Stay Hitched), author and marriage coach Suzanne Venker claims women need a detox from the bogus cultural narratives they've absorbed about men, sex, marriage, work and family. If you're a woman who wants a successful love life (not just a successful professional life), you're going to need a brand new roadmap. And now you have one.
Here is just a sampling of the 12
Get over yourself Find your feminine Get a ring, not a roommate Marry the accountant, not the artist Know your body A call to arms, How to Get Hitched (And Stay Hitched) will ignite a much-needed debate about the misplaced priorities of the modern generation. It is the antidote women need to reject the lies they've been fed by our culture so they can build the happy, balanced lives they crave.
"You have massively impacted the way I see and deal with men. Because of you, I started dating with a clear goal in mind (marriage and children) and also with discipline. At 25, this led me to my now boyfriend who soon will be my fiancé, husband, and hopefully father of my children. Thank you from the bottom of my soul for the enlightening and truthful work that you share with the world!"
"The world and my own mother haven't spoken to me about any of this. Schools and the media taught me that career comes first and that I would be happy even without getting married and not having children. I thought what I was feeling wasn't quite normal until I found your work. Thank you sooo much, Suzanne!" (Lily from Australia)
"I love sharing Suzanne with jaded lonely girlfriends, lol." (Annie)
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Published July 23, 2021
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
October 27, 2021
I'll publicly admit to having read this book. A friend gave it to me so curiosity got me, and I wanted credit for reading another book on the 2021 list, haha.
This isn't Shakespeare. And is heavily populated with opinions and sprinkled with some cited facts. A non-nuanced reader will probably leave feeling scolded. I can't recommend it... I also wouldn't dissuade someone from reading it. There are some claims worth grappling with in here and making your mind up about. Just take it with a heavy dose of salt.
This isn't Shakespeare. And is heavily populated with opinions and sprinkled with some cited facts. A non-nuanced reader will probably leave feeling scolded. I can't recommend it... I also wouldn't dissuade someone from reading it. There are some claims worth grappling with in here and making your mind up about. Just take it with a heavy dose of salt.
October 9, 2021
This is a very contentious one. This is for the „equal in value but wildly different by nature“ (Venker) crowd- if that‘s not your belief, this won‘t be your cup of tea.
Look past the misleading title (that no doubt deters many readers); this isn‘t a self-help book, it's a conservative cultural commentary in which Venker castigates modern society for ruining young women's lives. This book can be placed in the feminist vs. feminine debate. I disagree with some of the author's opinions- at times strongly so- but think she makes some great points about what she perceives as differences between men and women and what they translate into. Venker also provides realistic advice on lasting marriages that will appeal to the conservatively-minded. She does offer up - without embellishment- harsh realities that many don‘t want to hear (and are free to disagree with). More importantly, she verbalizes thoughts that some feel uncomfortable to admit they believe in. I don‘t enjoy her divisive and sensationalizing tone and think she universalizes to a crass extent, which eliminates a good portion of potential audience. Great book to fight with my girlfriends about :)
Look past the misleading title (that no doubt deters many readers); this isn‘t a self-help book, it's a conservative cultural commentary in which Venker castigates modern society for ruining young women's lives. This book can be placed in the feminist vs. feminine debate. I disagree with some of the author's opinions- at times strongly so- but think she makes some great points about what she perceives as differences between men and women and what they translate into. Venker also provides realistic advice on lasting marriages that will appeal to the conservatively-minded. She does offer up - without embellishment- harsh realities that many don‘t want to hear (and are free to disagree with). More importantly, she verbalizes thoughts that some feel uncomfortable to admit they believe in. I don‘t enjoy her divisive and sensationalizing tone and think she universalizes to a crass extent, which eliminates a good portion of potential audience. Great book to fight with my girlfriends about :)
December 19, 2021
To preface: someone sent me this book. I didn’t necessarily choose it for myself.
This book requires a certain reader. This reader cannot be super opinionated about typical gender roles otherwise the reader will get upset easily. But, I think the author knew that in writing it. I kind of weirdly enjoyed how brash she was in narration. I enjoyed the book overall! The book allowed me to think critically about how I’ve been trained to think and how culture shifts so quickly with its views around women working, motherhood, etc.
Three stars because it’s a quick, easy read. It generates good conversation! I talked with someone on the phone about it every week. Two stars taken away because nothing particularly revolutionary in the book. Wouldn’t recommend reading the book in full but choosing a few chapters like the ones on finances and motherhood!
This book requires a certain reader. This reader cannot be super opinionated about typical gender roles otherwise the reader will get upset easily. But, I think the author knew that in writing it. I kind of weirdly enjoyed how brash she was in narration. I enjoyed the book overall! The book allowed me to think critically about how I’ve been trained to think and how culture shifts so quickly with its views around women working, motherhood, etc.
Three stars because it’s a quick, easy read. It generates good conversation! I talked with someone on the phone about it every week. Two stars taken away because nothing particularly revolutionary in the book. Wouldn’t recommend reading the book in full but choosing a few chapters like the ones on finances and motherhood!
February 24, 2025
Ha! Sehr amüsant geschrieben und ausgesprochen entlarvend. Empfehlenswert für (insbesondere) Frauen, um sich im Klaren darüber zu werden, welche Prioritäten sie tatsächlich haben und sich dann bewusst für diese zu entscheiden.
September 24, 2021
A quick read that all women in any stages of life can benefit from. I am going buy a physical copy for me to pull out and reread every couple years.
November 3, 2024
This book contains big truth bombs, one after another, in a short (150 pages) and highly readable format. It provides a refreshing alternative to the conventional narratives on feminism and women's empowerment. This is modern counterculture.
Suzanne Venker is "on a mission to deprogram women from the toxic cultural influences that undermine their success in life and in love."
"Too many people don't realize what feminism did. It didn't just change Americans' understanding of sex and gender roles. It changed the very meaning of life. It took the spotlight off the things that matter - love, family, and a sense of place - and put it where it doesn't belong: on money, power, and status. It altered who we are as a people… Men and women are equal in value but wildly different by nature. They do not have the same bodies, they do not speak the same language, they're not motivated by the same things, and they do not operate with the same set of tools."
This book "liberates women from the lies they've absorbed about men and marriage and offers a new, foolproof roadmap for navigating life and love". Modern culture and society is "hopelessly out of touch with how to build a relationship that lasts". Here is one of the testimonials:
"I almost failed miserably at marriage and parenthood because of the lies of the feminist movement. Suzanne is real. And smart. She sheds the light and the truth on what is most important in life: love, companionship, and connection."
The first section is quite short, covering four cultural lies that we have been told (over and over again). While the bulk of the book covers twelve practical steps that contribute towards a successful marriage.
“There are two ways to view the mass exodus of mothers from the home: as a boon for women’s “rights,” or as a tragedy for children, families, and society as a whole. I view it as the latter… Men are made to protect, to provide, and to defend. That’s what they do, and most of them do it well when given the opportunity. Unfortunately, you’ve been told that if women were liberated from the “burden” of caring for home, husband, and children, and men were liberated from the “burden” of producing an income, equality would prevail and life would be grand. That is war on human nature that can’t be won. Society may change, but people don’t.”
Venker argues for (young) women to plan their lives around family and relationships, with work/careers being shaped around these. She argues for couples to have children at an earlier age, and to focus on quality of life (including for children) rather than on status/money.
She has outspoken views about Feminism:
https://youtu.be/9YXQhuz_NC4?si=Qpna9...
Comment from @grimmlight4541:
“Its mind boggling how much damage Feminism has done to our society, culture, women, men and families. They have caused so much inequality and destroyed fathers and sons, which is the pillar and foundation of a strong familiy.”
Suzanne Venker is "on a mission to deprogram women from the toxic cultural influences that undermine their success in life and in love."
"Too many people don't realize what feminism did. It didn't just change Americans' understanding of sex and gender roles. It changed the very meaning of life. It took the spotlight off the things that matter - love, family, and a sense of place - and put it where it doesn't belong: on money, power, and status. It altered who we are as a people… Men and women are equal in value but wildly different by nature. They do not have the same bodies, they do not speak the same language, they're not motivated by the same things, and they do not operate with the same set of tools."
This book "liberates women from the lies they've absorbed about men and marriage and offers a new, foolproof roadmap for navigating life and love". Modern culture and society is "hopelessly out of touch with how to build a relationship that lasts". Here is one of the testimonials:
"I almost failed miserably at marriage and parenthood because of the lies of the feminist movement. Suzanne is real. And smart. She sheds the light and the truth on what is most important in life: love, companionship, and connection."
The first section is quite short, covering four cultural lies that we have been told (over and over again). While the bulk of the book covers twelve practical steps that contribute towards a successful marriage.
“There are two ways to view the mass exodus of mothers from the home: as a boon for women’s “rights,” or as a tragedy for children, families, and society as a whole. I view it as the latter… Men are made to protect, to provide, and to defend. That’s what they do, and most of them do it well when given the opportunity. Unfortunately, you’ve been told that if women were liberated from the “burden” of caring for home, husband, and children, and men were liberated from the “burden” of producing an income, equality would prevail and life would be grand. That is war on human nature that can’t be won. Society may change, but people don’t.”
Venker argues for (young) women to plan their lives around family and relationships, with work/careers being shaped around these. She argues for couples to have children at an earlier age, and to focus on quality of life (including for children) rather than on status/money.
She has outspoken views about Feminism:
https://youtu.be/9YXQhuz_NC4?si=Qpna9...
Comment from @grimmlight4541:
“Its mind boggling how much damage Feminism has done to our society, culture, women, men and families. They have caused so much inequality and destroyed fathers and sons, which is the pillar and foundation of a strong familiy.”
April 1, 2022
You may be wondering why I as a man picked up this book. Originally, I actually bought it to give it to women I know. They were all struggling in the dating scene and their relationships and love life, and this seemed like a good book to give as a gift. I do follow Suzanne Venker from time to time online, and from what I had seen, I liked her views and advice. But how would I know if this book specifically is good advice if I don't read it myself? So I did. I also have two daughters, which I ultimately have to prepare for adulthood, which I thought this book might help with. But most importantly, I wanted to know what my wife is doing wrong :D
Jokes aside, after reading the book, I think it's a good entry point. Generally it tackles modern culture regarding relationships and the destructive customs that have been adopted during the last few decades by both men and women. Particularly feminism is mentioned multiple times, and it's quite clear why.
There wasn't much in this book that was new for me. If you're already well-versed in this subject it won't bring in much new information. It's quite a quick read, so if you're mildly interested, I would still recommend it. Two reasons;
1- Some people think they know things already but they really don't, and this book is mild enough to not be too offensive on perspectives that contradict modern culture
2- I'm sure you can think of someone else you can gift this book to, that can benefit from it, even your significant other.
In short, it's overall a nice read. I expected more depth, but, it is great for someone just dabbling into alternate perspectives on marriage other than the mainstream female empowerment and single life narrative.
Jokes aside, after reading the book, I think it's a good entry point. Generally it tackles modern culture regarding relationships and the destructive customs that have been adopted during the last few decades by both men and women. Particularly feminism is mentioned multiple times, and it's quite clear why.
There wasn't much in this book that was new for me. If you're already well-versed in this subject it won't bring in much new information. It's quite a quick read, so if you're mildly interested, I would still recommend it. Two reasons;
1- Some people think they know things already but they really don't, and this book is mild enough to not be too offensive on perspectives that contradict modern culture
2- I'm sure you can think of someone else you can gift this book to, that can benefit from it, even your significant other.
In short, it's overall a nice read. I expected more depth, but, it is great for someone just dabbling into alternate perspectives on marriage other than the mainstream female empowerment and single life narrative.
January 2, 2022
Great, honest, no B.S. advice about how feminism has misled women and how to get married and stay married in this book.
The one thing that bothered me was the fear mongering around child birth and age though. Although it’s easier for women to get pregnant the younger they are, this book perpetuates the harmful myth that it’s nearly impossible to get pregnant after the age of 35.
Ladies, this is not true.
In 2004 a British Health Care Agency did a study and found that 82% of women aged 35-39 got pregnant within one year if they had sex twice a week. Complications with pregnancy are also exaggerated for this age group. Saying it’s nearly impossible or you’re doomed if you try to have a baby after 35 is a major exaggeration.
Now I’m not suggestion women wait as long as possible to have children, quite the opposite but kind of tired of the fear mongering around this topic.
The one thing that bothered me was the fear mongering around child birth and age though. Although it’s easier for women to get pregnant the younger they are, this book perpetuates the harmful myth that it’s nearly impossible to get pregnant after the age of 35.
Ladies, this is not true.
In 2004 a British Health Care Agency did a study and found that 82% of women aged 35-39 got pregnant within one year if they had sex twice a week. Complications with pregnancy are also exaggerated for this age group. Saying it’s nearly impossible or you’re doomed if you try to have a baby after 35 is a major exaggeration.
Now I’m not suggestion women wait as long as possible to have children, quite the opposite but kind of tired of the fear mongering around this topic.
October 26, 2021
I agree with her points, but I felt like the how-to guide was missing. The book felt more like a proposed attitude adjustment instead of a sequence of practical actions to take.
November 16, 2021
Great book. Some great things to think about. Talking about lies society teaches us and how to stand up to them. How to have a happy marriage.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews