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The Relaxed Woman: Reclaim Rest and Live an Empowered, Joy-filled Life
Brought to you by Penguin.
Have you ever met a relaxed woman? Would you like to become one?
Drawing on years of therapeutic experience and pioneering research, psychologist Nicola Jane Hobbs dispels the cultural myth that relaxing is lazy and shows us how it is, in truth, a path to healing, freedom and joy.
We have become a society of rushing women, overburdened women, exhausted women. Stress, guilt and burnout ripple through our lives. We try so hard to do it all–to be the perfect partners, mothers, daughters, colleagues, friends – only to end up feeling not good enough, unappreciated, lonely and exhausted.
In The Relaxed Woman, Nicola Jane Hobbs explores how the stress of societal pressures, unrealistic expectations and traumatic experiences impact our minds, bodies and relationships and illuminates a path towards healing. Weaving together neuroscience and psychology with inspirational stories from women who are discovering the transformational power of relaxation for themselves, Nicola guides us on a journey to becoming relaxed women–women who have untangled their sense of worth from their productivity, who can rest without guilt and anxiety, who trust their intuitions, honour their needs and live by their deepest values.
Filled with simple rest rituals we can weave into our busy lives, healing practices to help regulate our nervous systems and practical strategies to support us in navigating the unavoidable stressors of life, this book is for all of us who long to live more restful, joyful and authentic lives.
Soft, scientific and soulful, The Relaxed Woman offers a powerful new vision for how relaxed women can change the world–and provides us with the tools and practices so that each of us can become one.
Have you ever met a relaxed woman? Would you like to become one?
Drawing on years of therapeutic experience and pioneering research, psychologist Nicola Jane Hobbs dispels the cultural myth that relaxing is lazy and shows us how it is, in truth, a path to healing, freedom and joy.
We have become a society of rushing women, overburdened women, exhausted women. Stress, guilt and burnout ripple through our lives. We try so hard to do it all–to be the perfect partners, mothers, daughters, colleagues, friends – only to end up feeling not good enough, unappreciated, lonely and exhausted.
In The Relaxed Woman, Nicola Jane Hobbs explores how the stress of societal pressures, unrealistic expectations and traumatic experiences impact our minds, bodies and relationships and illuminates a path towards healing. Weaving together neuroscience and psychology with inspirational stories from women who are discovering the transformational power of relaxation for themselves, Nicola guides us on a journey to becoming relaxed women–women who have untangled their sense of worth from their productivity, who can rest without guilt and anxiety, who trust their intuitions, honour their needs and live by their deepest values.
Filled with simple rest rituals we can weave into our busy lives, healing practices to help regulate our nervous systems and practical strategies to support us in navigating the unavoidable stressors of life, this book is for all of us who long to live more restful, joyful and authentic lives.
Soft, scientific and soulful, The Relaxed Woman offers a powerful new vision for how relaxed women can change the world–and provides us with the tools and practices so that each of us can become one.
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Published July 3, 2025
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June 21, 2025
Book Review: The Relaxed Woman: Reclaim Rest and Live an Empowered, Joy-Filled Life by Nicola Jane Hobbs
As a female sociologist and public health professional, I approached Nicola Jane Hobbs’ The Relaxed Woman with both professional curiosity and personal resonance. Hobbs’ work—a blend of neuroscience, psychology, and feminist self-help—challenges the toxic productivity culture that disproportionately burdens women, framing rest not as indulgence but as a radical act of resistance and healing.
Emotional and Intellectual Resonance
Hobbs’ critique of the “rushing woman syndrome” struck a visceral chord. Her analysis of how stress becomes gendered—internalized as guilt, perfectionism, and self-sacrifice—mirrors sociological research on the “second shift” and public health data on women’s rising burnout rates. As someone who studies structural inequities, I appreciated her systemic lens: she doesn’t blame women for their exhaustion but exposes the societal forces that normalize it.
The book’s emphasis on embodied rest (e.g., nervous system regulation practices) felt revolutionary. Hobbs bridges the personal and political, showing how individual healing can fuel collective change. Her inclusion of diverse women’s stories—though occasionally leaning toward anecdotal—added emotional weight, reminding me of public health narratives that center lived experience as evidence.
Yet, I also felt frustration. While Hobbs excels at diagnosing the problem, her solutions often privilege individual agency over structural advocacy. For example, her “rest rituals” are beautifully crafted but could be paired with calls for policy changes (e.g., paid leave, equitable caregiving support). As a public health professional, I longed for more intersectional analysis: how do race, class, and disability intersect with women’s access to rest?
Constructive Critique
-Structural Blind Spots: The book’s focus on personal transformation risks obscuring systemic barriers. A deeper engagement with feminist political theory (e.g., Silvia Federici’s work on reproductive labor) would strengthen its critique of capitalism’s role in exhaustion.
-Scientific Rigor: While Hobbs cites neuroscience, some claims lack nuanced discussion of limitations (e.g., the vagus nerve’s role in stress). Collaboration with health researchers could bolster her evidence base.
-Inclusivity Gaps: Most narratives center cisgender, middle-class experiences. Future editions could highlight marginalized women’s resilience strategies, such as community care models in BIPOC communities.
Why This Book Matters
The Relaxed Woman is a vital antidote to the “hustle culture” plaguing modern womanhood. Hobbs’ blend of warmth and rigor makes it accessible to both academic and general audiences. For sociologists, it’s a case study in gendered labor; for public health practitioners, a manifesto for integrating rest into health equity frameworks.
Thank you to the publisher and Edelweiss for providing a free review copy. This book left me both validated and unsettled—a testament to its power. It’s not just a guide to resting; it’s a call to reimagine a world where women’s worth isn’t tied to their output.
Reviewer’s Note: Pair with Rest Is Resistance (Hersey) for a racial justice lens, or Burnout (Nagoski) for a deeper dive into stress science. A compassionate, if imperfect, contribution to feminist wellness literature.
As a female sociologist and public health professional, I approached Nicola Jane Hobbs’ The Relaxed Woman with both professional curiosity and personal resonance. Hobbs’ work—a blend of neuroscience, psychology, and feminist self-help—challenges the toxic productivity culture that disproportionately burdens women, framing rest not as indulgence but as a radical act of resistance and healing.
Emotional and Intellectual Resonance
Hobbs’ critique of the “rushing woman syndrome” struck a visceral chord. Her analysis of how stress becomes gendered—internalized as guilt, perfectionism, and self-sacrifice—mirrors sociological research on the “second shift” and public health data on women’s rising burnout rates. As someone who studies structural inequities, I appreciated her systemic lens: she doesn’t blame women for their exhaustion but exposes the societal forces that normalize it.
The book’s emphasis on embodied rest (e.g., nervous system regulation practices) felt revolutionary. Hobbs bridges the personal and political, showing how individual healing can fuel collective change. Her inclusion of diverse women’s stories—though occasionally leaning toward anecdotal—added emotional weight, reminding me of public health narratives that center lived experience as evidence.
Yet, I also felt frustration. While Hobbs excels at diagnosing the problem, her solutions often privilege individual agency over structural advocacy. For example, her “rest rituals” are beautifully crafted but could be paired with calls for policy changes (e.g., paid leave, equitable caregiving support). As a public health professional, I longed for more intersectional analysis: how do race, class, and disability intersect with women’s access to rest?
Constructive Critique
-Structural Blind Spots: The book’s focus on personal transformation risks obscuring systemic barriers. A deeper engagement with feminist political theory (e.g., Silvia Federici’s work on reproductive labor) would strengthen its critique of capitalism’s role in exhaustion.
-Scientific Rigor: While Hobbs cites neuroscience, some claims lack nuanced discussion of limitations (e.g., the vagus nerve’s role in stress). Collaboration with health researchers could bolster her evidence base.
-Inclusivity Gaps: Most narratives center cisgender, middle-class experiences. Future editions could highlight marginalized women’s resilience strategies, such as community care models in BIPOC communities.
Why This Book Matters
The Relaxed Woman is a vital antidote to the “hustle culture” plaguing modern womanhood. Hobbs’ blend of warmth and rigor makes it accessible to both academic and general audiences. For sociologists, it’s a case study in gendered labor; for public health practitioners, a manifesto for integrating rest into health equity frameworks.
Thank you to the publisher and Edelweiss for providing a free review copy. This book left me both validated and unsettled—a testament to its power. It’s not just a guide to resting; it’s a call to reimagine a world where women’s worth isn’t tied to their output.
Reviewer’s Note: Pair with Rest Is Resistance (Hersey) for a racial justice lens, or Burnout (Nagoski) for a deeper dive into stress science. A compassionate, if imperfect, contribution to feminist wellness literature.
October 14, 2025
The Relaxed Woman feels like a deep exhale in book form. What I appreciated most was how it expands the idea of rest—reminding us that relaxation isn’t just bubble baths and naps, but also boundaries, solitude, creativity, and mindful movement.
The tone is calm but honest, and refuses to let you glorify burnout. It’s not about perfection or productivity—it’s about presence.
Reading it left me with a steady sense of ease, and a deeper respect for the many forms of rest that sustain us.
A continuation worth exploring: how rest looks different depending on the season of your life—and what kind of stillness actually refuels you.
The tone is calm but honest, and refuses to let you glorify burnout. It’s not about perfection or productivity—it’s about presence.
Reading it left me with a steady sense of ease, and a deeper respect for the many forms of rest that sustain us.
A continuation worth exploring: how rest looks different depending on the season of your life—and what kind of stillness actually refuels you.
August 19, 2025
This book has changed my life. I am so grateful that Nicola Jane Hobbs wrote this beautiful book, a book clearly written with kindness and sensitivity - exactly what is needed to approach this topic and speak to the women who need this book.
Currently struggling from burnout, this book really spoke to me. Reading it, there’s a lot of things I felt like I should already know, I SHOULD know it’s okay to rest and say no and not conform to the patriarchal idea of an “unrelaxed woman”. And yet I didn’t, I still didn’t believe that I deserved to rest and find joy. This book is incredibly reassuring and talks you through the process of resetting your nervous system and finding your inner relaxed woman.
I learnt a lot from this book. Hobbs explains the signs and symptoms of burnout and exhaustion, the physical, emotional and mental. Before reading this book I didn’t realise I was burnt out, I just knew something was really wrong. This book has helped me identify what’s caused this burn out and provides an excellent guide to find your way out of it.
I listened to the audiobook and found Nicola’s voice to be extremely soothing and reassuring. It really gave me the sense of having her hold my hand throughout this journey. I have, however, since bought the physical book to flick back through so I can do the activities again and read the reminders I need going forward.
This book is so important. It’s for every woman I know. Every woman who has been told they can have it all and gone away thinking I now NEED to have it all, regardless of the toxic productivity and burnout they face along the way. I truly hope this book helps you find your inner relaxed woman!
Currently struggling from burnout, this book really spoke to me. Reading it, there’s a lot of things I felt like I should already know, I SHOULD know it’s okay to rest and say no and not conform to the patriarchal idea of an “unrelaxed woman”. And yet I didn’t, I still didn’t believe that I deserved to rest and find joy. This book is incredibly reassuring and talks you through the process of resetting your nervous system and finding your inner relaxed woman.
I learnt a lot from this book. Hobbs explains the signs and symptoms of burnout and exhaustion, the physical, emotional and mental. Before reading this book I didn’t realise I was burnt out, I just knew something was really wrong. This book has helped me identify what’s caused this burn out and provides an excellent guide to find your way out of it.
I listened to the audiobook and found Nicola’s voice to be extremely soothing and reassuring. It really gave me the sense of having her hold my hand throughout this journey. I have, however, since bought the physical book to flick back through so I can do the activities again and read the reminders I need going forward.
This book is so important. It’s for every woman I know. Every woman who has been told they can have it all and gone away thinking I now NEED to have it all, regardless of the toxic productivity and burnout they face along the way. I truly hope this book helps you find your inner relaxed woman!
August 13, 2025
A great read if you or a woman in your life is overworked/overwhelmed and needs some help finding more joy and peace.
Through an easy to understand breakdown behind the reasons why women in our time find it impossible to "relax" (really, with this word Hobbs means honor yourself with rest by finding your authentic self and setting your priorities straight). As she uncovers reasons, she also provides exercises to help you evaluate how you fell into the same state as so many other women. The first portion is educational and the latter parts are focused on recovery through self-discovery.
I was honestly expecting this to be just another average self help book but I found it extremely insightful and genuinely helpful. I will be recommending it to all of the women in my life so, if you're reading this review you're already in the right place, so please at least consider picking up a copy.
Through an easy to understand breakdown behind the reasons why women in our time find it impossible to "relax" (really, with this word Hobbs means honor yourself with rest by finding your authentic self and setting your priorities straight). As she uncovers reasons, she also provides exercises to help you evaluate how you fell into the same state as so many other women. The first portion is educational and the latter parts are focused on recovery through self-discovery.
I was honestly expecting this to be just another average self help book but I found it extremely insightful and genuinely helpful. I will be recommending it to all of the women in my life so, if you're reading this review you're already in the right place, so please at least consider picking up a copy.
October 23, 2025
This was a beautiful book, I listened to it and her voice was so meditative. So worth a listen if you ever feel guilty for resting or relaxing.. or you just want a soothing read ✨
May 5, 2025
“Growing up, I never knew a relaxed woman.”
What a way to start a book. Nicola Jane Hobbs opens that by thirteen, she had stopped resting and started tying her worth to achievement and people-pleasing, a story many women share. She unpacks how our nurturing instincts, and societal expectations, have been exploited by a culture that leaves women exhausted,drained and undervalued.
Blending neuroscience, personal stories, and practical tools, Hobbs argues that rest isn’t indulgent, it’s essential. The book is strongest when it names how deeply ingrained expectations keep women running, and how rest can be a quiet form of rebellion. She acknowledges the horrors happening in the world, and how rest might seem inappropriate or tone deaf but insists that’s exactly why we must imagine something better for ourselves and our communities.
The book offers a lot: ideas, rituals, reflections. For some, it may feel like too much at once, but it works well as a menu, not a mandate. Hobbs ends with: “I do not want to be remembered as a woman who was always exhausted.” How relatable.
What a way to start a book. Nicola Jane Hobbs opens that by thirteen, she had stopped resting and started tying her worth to achievement and people-pleasing, a story many women share. She unpacks how our nurturing instincts, and societal expectations, have been exploited by a culture that leaves women exhausted,drained and undervalued.
Blending neuroscience, personal stories, and practical tools, Hobbs argues that rest isn’t indulgent, it’s essential. The book is strongest when it names how deeply ingrained expectations keep women running, and how rest can be a quiet form of rebellion. She acknowledges the horrors happening in the world, and how rest might seem inappropriate or tone deaf but insists that’s exactly why we must imagine something better for ourselves and our communities.
The book offers a lot: ideas, rituals, reflections. For some, it may feel like too much at once, but it works well as a menu, not a mandate. Hobbs ends with: “I do not want to be remembered as a woman who was always exhausted.” How relatable.
July 15, 2025
I preordered this book before it was released and cracked it open within hours of receiving it. It lived up to everything I had hoped for. I loved that she provided solid research and facts, but also chapters of tangible practices and rituals to put it all into practice. I honestly felt more relaxed every time I opened this book. I underlined things on nearly every page, have notes written in the margins and have highlighted the journaling prompts I want to go back to and explore. Will probably gift this to every woman I know I loved it so much 😂
November 5, 2025
A very important read as a woman in our society. A great mix of inspirations, challenging beliefs and scientific explanations/ studies.
November 14, 2025
A much more political book than the title suggests with important views on the patriarchal reasons we might not be! The second part containing insightful tips about knowing yourself better, your unrelaxed habits, and ways to lead a better life.
July 22, 2025
Must read for absolutt alle!!
June 21, 2025
Book Review: The Relaxed Woman: Reclaim Rest and Live an Empowered, Joy-Filled Life by Nicola Jane Hobbs
As a female sociologist and public health professional, I approached Nicola Jane Hobbs’ The Relaxed Woman with both professional curiosity and personal resonance. Hobbs’ work—a blend of neuroscience, psychology, and feminist self-help—challenges the toxic productivity culture that disproportionately burdens women, framing rest not as indulgence but as a radical act of resistance and healing.
Emotional and Intellectual Resonance
Hobbs’ critique of the “rushing woman syndrome” struck a visceral chord. Her analysis of how stress becomes gendered—internalized as guilt, perfectionism, and self-sacrifice—mirrors sociological research on the “second shift” and public health data on women’s rising burnout rates. As someone who studies structural inequities, I appreciated her systemic lens: she doesn’t blame women for their exhaustion but exposes the societal forces that normalize it.
The book’s emphasis on embodied rest (e.g., nervous system regulation practices) felt revolutionary. Hobbs bridges the personal and political, showing how individual healing can fuel collective change. Her inclusion of diverse women’s stories—though occasionally leaning toward anecdotal—added emotional weight, reminding me of public health narratives that center lived experience as evidence.
Yet, I also felt frustration. While Hobbs excels at diagnosing the problem, her solutions often privilege individual agency over structural advocacy. For example, her “rest rituals” are beautifully crafted but could be paired with calls for policy changes (e.g., paid leave, equitable caregiving support). As a public health professional, I longed for more intersectional analysis: how do race, class, and disability intersect with women’s access to rest?
Constructive Critique
-Structural Blind Spots: The book’s focus on personal transformation risks obscuring systemic barriers. A deeper engagement with feminist political theory (e.g., Silvia Federici’s work on reproductive labor) would strengthen its critique of capitalism’s role in exhaustion.
-Scientific Rigor: While Hobbs cites neuroscience, some claims lack nuanced discussion of limitations (e.g., the vagus nerve’s role in stress). Collaboration with health researchers could bolster her evidence base.
-Inclusivity Gaps: Most narratives center cisgender, middle-class experiences. Future editions could highlight marginalized women’s resilience strategies, such as community care models in BIPOC communities.
Why This Book Matters
The Relaxed Woman is a vital antidote to the “hustle culture” plaguing modern womanhood. Hobbs’ blend of warmth and rigor makes it accessible to both academic and general audiences. For sociologists, it’s a case study in gendered labor; for public health practitioners, a manifesto for integrating rest into health equity frameworks.
Thank you to the publisher and Edelweiss for providing a free review copy. This book left me both validated and unsettled—a testament to its power. It’s not just a guide to resting; it’s a call to reimagine a world where women’s worth isn’t tied to their output.
Reviewer’s Note: Pair with Rest Is Resistance (Hersey) for a racial justice lens, or Burnout (Nagoski) for a deeper dive into stress science. A compassionate, if imperfect, contribution to feminist wellness literature.
As a female sociologist and public health professional, I approached Nicola Jane Hobbs’ The Relaxed Woman with both professional curiosity and personal resonance. Hobbs’ work—a blend of neuroscience, psychology, and feminist self-help—challenges the toxic productivity culture that disproportionately burdens women, framing rest not as indulgence but as a radical act of resistance and healing.
Emotional and Intellectual Resonance
Hobbs’ critique of the “rushing woman syndrome” struck a visceral chord. Her analysis of how stress becomes gendered—internalized as guilt, perfectionism, and self-sacrifice—mirrors sociological research on the “second shift” and public health data on women’s rising burnout rates. As someone who studies structural inequities, I appreciated her systemic lens: she doesn’t blame women for their exhaustion but exposes the societal forces that normalize it.
The book’s emphasis on embodied rest (e.g., nervous system regulation practices) felt revolutionary. Hobbs bridges the personal and political, showing how individual healing can fuel collective change. Her inclusion of diverse women’s stories—though occasionally leaning toward anecdotal—added emotional weight, reminding me of public health narratives that center lived experience as evidence.
Yet, I also felt frustration. While Hobbs excels at diagnosing the problem, her solutions often privilege individual agency over structural advocacy. For example, her “rest rituals” are beautifully crafted but could be paired with calls for policy changes (e.g., paid leave, equitable caregiving support). As a public health professional, I longed for more intersectional analysis: how do race, class, and disability intersect with women’s access to rest?
Constructive Critique
-Structural Blind Spots: The book’s focus on personal transformation risks obscuring systemic barriers. A deeper engagement with feminist political theory (e.g., Silvia Federici’s work on reproductive labor) would strengthen its critique of capitalism’s role in exhaustion.
-Scientific Rigor: While Hobbs cites neuroscience, some claims lack nuanced discussion of limitations (e.g., the vagus nerve’s role in stress). Collaboration with health researchers could bolster her evidence base.
-Inclusivity Gaps: Most narratives center cisgender, middle-class experiences. Future editions could highlight marginalized women’s resilience strategies, such as community care models in BIPOC communities.
Why This Book Matters
The Relaxed Woman is a vital antidote to the “hustle culture” plaguing modern womanhood. Hobbs’ blend of warmth and rigor makes it accessible to both academic and general audiences. For sociologists, it’s a case study in gendered labor; for public health practitioners, a manifesto for integrating rest into health equity frameworks.
Thank you to the publisher and Edelweiss for providing a free review copy. This book left me both validated and unsettled—a testament to its power. It’s not just a guide to resting; it’s a call to reimagine a world where women’s worth isn’t tied to their output.
Reviewer’s Note: Pair with Rest Is Resistance (Hersey) for a racial justice lens, or Burnout (Nagoski) for a deeper dive into stress science. A compassionate, if imperfect, contribution to feminist wellness literature.
May 27, 2025
Thank You to Penguin Random House for sending me an ARC! This book came to me at the right time as I was dealing with several life changes. I wasn’t relaxed and I could feel stress manifesting during times that I should be unwinding for the day. This book also discussed ways that a relaxed woman also helps all the other members of the family.
January 9, 2026
Vor einigen Jahren habe ich ein Buch mit einer 21-Tage Yoga Challenge von Nicola Jane Hobbs gelesen, das mir sehr gut gefallen hat. Seitdem habe ich gespannt auf mehr von der Autorin gewartet und mich darum sehr über das Rezensionsexemplar zu „Die entspannte Frau“ gefreut.
Das Cover und auch Innenlayout des Buches sind schlicht, aber ansprechend gestaltet. Der Inhalt steht im Vordergrund, und man wird nicht von unnötig vielen Bildern oder Extras abgelenkt.
Direkt zu Anfang legt die Autorin den Lesenden ans Herz, dieses Buch nicht bloß als weiteres To Do auf eine endlos lange Liste zu setzen, sondern es dann zur Hand zu nehmen, wenn man offen und frei dafür ist. Eine erste Aufgabe auf dem Weg zur entspannten Frau, die ich mir zu Herzen genommen habe, und aufgrund derer ich länger als gewöhnlich zum Lesen des Buches gebraucht habe.
Im ersten Teil legt die Autorin ihre persönlichen Beweggründe zum Schreiben des Buches dar und definiert die entspannte Frau als Gegenstück zur unentspannten Frau. Dabei lässt sie stets Erfahrungen aus ihrer Arbeit als Therapeutin einfließen, lässt die Frauen aus ihrer Forschung selbst zu Wort kommen.
Die regelmäßigen Passagen unter dem Titel „Innehalten und Nachdenken“ aktivieren die Lesenden zum Mitdenken und –machen.
Schon auf den ersten Seiten habe ich einen Stift zur Hand genommen, um mir die zahlreichen Aussagen zu markieren, die mir wertvoll erscheinen oder in mir etwas ausgelöst haben.
Im zweiten Teil dann gibt es, neben ganz viel theoretischem Wissen, zahlreiche Übungen und Routinen, die man ausprobieren und in seinen Alltag einbringen kann, um sich der entspannten Frau immer weiter anzunähern.
Einiges erscheint auf den ersten Blick selbstverständlich, auf den zweiten Blick muss man sich jedoch eingestehen, dass man im eigenen Leben viel weiter weg davon ist, als es einem lieb ist. Anderes ist mir völlig neu gewesen und hat mich motiviert, kleinere und größere Veränderungen in meinem Alltag vorzunehmen.
Der Schreibstil der Autorin ist angenehm lesbar. Ich hatte nie das Gefühl, ein trockenes Sachbuch zu lesen.
Ich bin mir sicher, dass ich das Buch noch öfter zur Hand nehmen werde, bin ich doch mit meiner Arbeit damit noch lange nicht fertig.
Insgesamt kann ich das Buch absolut empfehlen und werde es sicherlich an die ein oder andere Frau aus meinem Umfeld verschenken. Auch oder gerade für Männer ist das Buch ebenfalls lesenswert, denn nur wenn alle zusammenwirken, ist die „gerechte Gesellschaft“ möglich, von der die Autorin spricht.
Das Cover und auch Innenlayout des Buches sind schlicht, aber ansprechend gestaltet. Der Inhalt steht im Vordergrund, und man wird nicht von unnötig vielen Bildern oder Extras abgelenkt.
Direkt zu Anfang legt die Autorin den Lesenden ans Herz, dieses Buch nicht bloß als weiteres To Do auf eine endlos lange Liste zu setzen, sondern es dann zur Hand zu nehmen, wenn man offen und frei dafür ist. Eine erste Aufgabe auf dem Weg zur entspannten Frau, die ich mir zu Herzen genommen habe, und aufgrund derer ich länger als gewöhnlich zum Lesen des Buches gebraucht habe.
Im ersten Teil legt die Autorin ihre persönlichen Beweggründe zum Schreiben des Buches dar und definiert die entspannte Frau als Gegenstück zur unentspannten Frau. Dabei lässt sie stets Erfahrungen aus ihrer Arbeit als Therapeutin einfließen, lässt die Frauen aus ihrer Forschung selbst zu Wort kommen.
Die regelmäßigen Passagen unter dem Titel „Innehalten und Nachdenken“ aktivieren die Lesenden zum Mitdenken und –machen.
Schon auf den ersten Seiten habe ich einen Stift zur Hand genommen, um mir die zahlreichen Aussagen zu markieren, die mir wertvoll erscheinen oder in mir etwas ausgelöst haben.
Im zweiten Teil dann gibt es, neben ganz viel theoretischem Wissen, zahlreiche Übungen und Routinen, die man ausprobieren und in seinen Alltag einbringen kann, um sich der entspannten Frau immer weiter anzunähern.
Einiges erscheint auf den ersten Blick selbstverständlich, auf den zweiten Blick muss man sich jedoch eingestehen, dass man im eigenen Leben viel weiter weg davon ist, als es einem lieb ist. Anderes ist mir völlig neu gewesen und hat mich motiviert, kleinere und größere Veränderungen in meinem Alltag vorzunehmen.
Der Schreibstil der Autorin ist angenehm lesbar. Ich hatte nie das Gefühl, ein trockenes Sachbuch zu lesen.
Ich bin mir sicher, dass ich das Buch noch öfter zur Hand nehmen werde, bin ich doch mit meiner Arbeit damit noch lange nicht fertig.
Insgesamt kann ich das Buch absolut empfehlen und werde es sicherlich an die ein oder andere Frau aus meinem Umfeld verschenken. Auch oder gerade für Männer ist das Buch ebenfalls lesenswert, denn nur wenn alle zusammenwirken, ist die „gerechte Gesellschaft“ möglich, von der die Autorin spricht.
May 20, 2025
"Like many women, I lived much of my adult life as if I were a machine. I overworked, traded sleep for productivity, and stayed compulsively busy, pushing through anxiety and exhaustion, all the while plastering on a smile and pretending I was fine. Until, one day, I couldn’t pretend anymore."
"My relaxed woman journey began with allowing myself to rest— to nap, read fiction, wander by the ocean, potter in the garden, bake banana bread, play board games, set stronger work boundaries, and have slower, spacious, intentionally unproductive weekends— so that my mind-body systems (nervous, endocrine, cardiovascular, and immune) could begin to recover and restore from years of chronic stress and unprocessed trauma."
"When we’re hyper-independent, we tend to find it difficult to ask for help and delegate tasks and to feel guarded in our relationships. And because we suppress our own needs, we can resent others when they need our support with things we feel we have to cope with alone." TEAAAAAA
"When we look through the lens of capitalist, patriarchal forces, it’s easy to see why relaxation has become so shame-filled. When we’re exhausted from trying to live up to unrealistic expectations and consumed by our productivity and performance—“ Am I doing enough?” “Am I achieving enough?” “Am I good enough?”— we don’t have the capacity to imagine new ways of being or the energy to begin creating a more loving world."
"People-pleasing is motivated by an attempt to earn love, arising from a sense of threat and fear of rejection. Altruism is motivated by a desire to express love, relieve suffering, and be of service to the world."
"Simply knowing that we are part of a social support system we can flock to in times of stress is incredibly comforting. But over the last decade, our sense of being part of a tribe has decreased. A survey carried out by the Survey Center on American Life in 2021 found that 12 percent of Americans report having no close friends, and a 2023 survey found that 27 percent of adults in Great Britain report feeling lonely."
"Nurturing our relationships doesn’t mean avoiding conflict; rather, it’s about how we can make conflict intimacy-enhancing: productive rather than destructive— an opportunity for growing together rather than a threat to the relationship."
"My relaxed woman journey began with allowing myself to rest— to nap, read fiction, wander by the ocean, potter in the garden, bake banana bread, play board games, set stronger work boundaries, and have slower, spacious, intentionally unproductive weekends— so that my mind-body systems (nervous, endocrine, cardiovascular, and immune) could begin to recover and restore from years of chronic stress and unprocessed trauma."
"When we’re hyper-independent, we tend to find it difficult to ask for help and delegate tasks and to feel guarded in our relationships. And because we suppress our own needs, we can resent others when they need our support with things we feel we have to cope with alone." TEAAAAAA
"When we look through the lens of capitalist, patriarchal forces, it’s easy to see why relaxation has become so shame-filled. When we’re exhausted from trying to live up to unrealistic expectations and consumed by our productivity and performance—“ Am I doing enough?” “Am I achieving enough?” “Am I good enough?”— we don’t have the capacity to imagine new ways of being or the energy to begin creating a more loving world."
"People-pleasing is motivated by an attempt to earn love, arising from a sense of threat and fear of rejection. Altruism is motivated by a desire to express love, relieve suffering, and be of service to the world."
"Simply knowing that we are part of a social support system we can flock to in times of stress is incredibly comforting. But over the last decade, our sense of being part of a tribe has decreased. A survey carried out by the Survey Center on American Life in 2021 found that 12 percent of Americans report having no close friends, and a 2023 survey found that 27 percent of adults in Great Britain report feeling lonely."
"Nurturing our relationships doesn’t mean avoiding conflict; rather, it’s about how we can make conflict intimacy-enhancing: productive rather than destructive— an opportunity for growing together rather than a threat to the relationship."
June 19, 2025
The Relaxed Woman was a must-read for me at the perfect time. I screenshot the opening quote months ago and have had it on my vision board for this year. I didn't even know the source at the time.
"Growing up, I never knew a relaxed woman.
Successful women? Yes. Productive women? Plenty. Anxious and afraid and apologetic women? Heaps of them. But relaxed women? At-ease women? Women who weren't afraid to take up space in the world? Women who prioritized rest and pleasure and play? Women who gave themselves unconditional permission to relax - without guilt, without apology, without feeling like they need to earn it? I'm not sure I'd ever met a woman like that.
But I would like to become one. I would like us all to become one."
This quote ALONE captures the beauty of this book. Hobbs uses her personal story, stories of other women, and lots of science to explain why it's important to be a relaxed woman and how to get there. She lays out the benefits for the individual and the collective. She walks the line between giving action steps while also recognizing that much of our stressors are from external factors.
If you already partake in self-care and rest, then this is the reaffirming hug you need.
If you don't know how to rest, this is a good place to start.
I plan to recommend this book to all the women in my life. (And men that understand it can apply to them too!)
The book is at times clunky and long-winded. It touches on many topics and can only go in-depth so much. However, she includes lots of additional resources. My only critique of the content was the section on manifesting. Hobbs does a phenomenal job in each section explaining a way to become a relaxed woman, and she includes variations. Unfortunately, when she gets to manifesting, she only includes one way. It's a small bone to pick, but one that made me sigh.
I read an ARC.
"Growing up, I never knew a relaxed woman.
Successful women? Yes. Productive women? Plenty. Anxious and afraid and apologetic women? Heaps of them. But relaxed women? At-ease women? Women who weren't afraid to take up space in the world? Women who prioritized rest and pleasure and play? Women who gave themselves unconditional permission to relax - without guilt, without apology, without feeling like they need to earn it? I'm not sure I'd ever met a woman like that.
But I would like to become one. I would like us all to become one."
This quote ALONE captures the beauty of this book. Hobbs uses her personal story, stories of other women, and lots of science to explain why it's important to be a relaxed woman and how to get there. She lays out the benefits for the individual and the collective. She walks the line between giving action steps while also recognizing that much of our stressors are from external factors.
If you already partake in self-care and rest, then this is the reaffirming hug you need.
If you don't know how to rest, this is a good place to start.
I plan to recommend this book to all the women in my life. (And men that understand it can apply to them too!)
The book is at times clunky and long-winded. It touches on many topics and can only go in-depth so much. However, she includes lots of additional resources. My only critique of the content was the section on manifesting. Hobbs does a phenomenal job in each section explaining a way to become a relaxed woman, and she includes variations. Unfortunately, when she gets to manifesting, she only includes one way. It's a small bone to pick, but one that made me sigh.
I read an ARC.
December 29, 2025
„Die entspannte Frau“ hat mich auf eine ganz andere Weise berührt, als ich es erwartet hätte. Ich bin in der Regel offen für Sachbücher zu Selbstfürsorge und mentaler Gesundheit, aber dieses Buch hat mich wirklich zum Nachdenken gebracht. Nicola Jane Hobbs räumt mit dem weit verbreiteten Mythos auf, dass Entspannung faul oder egoistisch sei und zeigt stattdessen, wie grundlegend Ruhe und echte Erholung für ein erfülltes Leben sind – ganz besonders für Frauen, die oft in Mehrfachrollen funktionieren müssen.
Was mir besonders gefallen hat, ist wie zugänglich und empathisch die Autorin ihre Botschaft vermittelt. Sie verbindet psychologisches Wissen mit persönlichen Erfahrungen und praktischen Schritten, die wirklich umsetzbar sind. Ihre Perspektive hat mir geholfen zu verstehen, warum Stress und ständige Produktivität in unserer Gesellschaft so verankert sind und wie man bewusst dagegen steuern kann, ohne dabei Schuldgefühle zu bekommen oder sich zu überfordern.
Die klare Struktur des Buches macht es sehr angenehm zu lesen. Es fühlt sich weniger nach einem typischen Ratgeber an, sondern eher wie ein Gespräch mit einer klugen, reflektierten Freundin, die einem Mut macht, Prioritäten neu zu setzen und echte Ruhe als etwas Wertvolles zu sehen.
Besonders stark fand ich, dass „Die entspannte Frau“ nicht nur bei individuellen Stressbewältigungsstrategien bleibt, sondern auch systemische Aspekte anspricht, etwa wie gesellschaftliche Erwartungshaltungen Frauen zusätzlich belasten. Das fand ich wichtig und sehr wertvoll.
Insgesamt hat mich dieses Buch inspiriert, mich bewusster mit dem Thema Entspannung auseinanderzusetzen und mir wieder mehr Raum für echte Erholung zu geben. Für mich war es ein sehr bereichernder und beruhigender Impuls. Eine Erinnerung daran, dass echte Stärke auch darin liegt, sich Pausen zu gönnen und auf die eigenen Bedürfnisse zu hören.
Was mir besonders gefallen hat, ist wie zugänglich und empathisch die Autorin ihre Botschaft vermittelt. Sie verbindet psychologisches Wissen mit persönlichen Erfahrungen und praktischen Schritten, die wirklich umsetzbar sind. Ihre Perspektive hat mir geholfen zu verstehen, warum Stress und ständige Produktivität in unserer Gesellschaft so verankert sind und wie man bewusst dagegen steuern kann, ohne dabei Schuldgefühle zu bekommen oder sich zu überfordern.
Die klare Struktur des Buches macht es sehr angenehm zu lesen. Es fühlt sich weniger nach einem typischen Ratgeber an, sondern eher wie ein Gespräch mit einer klugen, reflektierten Freundin, die einem Mut macht, Prioritäten neu zu setzen und echte Ruhe als etwas Wertvolles zu sehen.
Besonders stark fand ich, dass „Die entspannte Frau“ nicht nur bei individuellen Stressbewältigungsstrategien bleibt, sondern auch systemische Aspekte anspricht, etwa wie gesellschaftliche Erwartungshaltungen Frauen zusätzlich belasten. Das fand ich wichtig und sehr wertvoll.
Insgesamt hat mich dieses Buch inspiriert, mich bewusster mit dem Thema Entspannung auseinanderzusetzen und mir wieder mehr Raum für echte Erholung zu geben. Für mich war es ein sehr bereichernder und beruhigender Impuls. Eine Erinnerung daran, dass echte Stärke auch darin liegt, sich Pausen zu gönnen und auf die eigenen Bedürfnisse zu hören.
January 4, 2026
A therapists review.
This is a great book as a “first start”. I found parts of it very impactful and enlightening. I hope to make a spread sheet on the different ways to relax, symptoms of the issues, and examples for my clients, as I found that chapter to be the most insightful!
IFS or parts work was heavily used in the book, which I liked. I think Hobbs did a great job introducing it and creating questions around it. I found myself highlighting so of her pause and reflect sections to remind myself to use in therapy.
I also thought of several female clients while reading the book. From the shutdown dissociaters to the hyperventilate anxious ones. Primarily, mothers come to my mind the most when reading it. Mothers and high strung perfectionists would be who I would recommend this book the most to.
As for critiques, I think this book could have had potential to reach for men. While I understand this was a feminist book, I can see similar techniques used for men too. Of course, I agree that we women have the shorter straw when it comes to relaxing and overproduction. However, I think Hobbs cut out half a population that still needs to hear this message.
It’s also a good start. I think this book can point a reader in the right direction. I wish she would have gone more into depth with other steps of becoming a relaxed woman like enhancing relationships and such. However, this book was a perfect length so I understand why it wasn’t. I can understand how some readers could read this book and feel the need to continue to educate themselves on some of her points.
Overall, I do recommend.
This is a great book as a “first start”. I found parts of it very impactful and enlightening. I hope to make a spread sheet on the different ways to relax, symptoms of the issues, and examples for my clients, as I found that chapter to be the most insightful!
IFS or parts work was heavily used in the book, which I liked. I think Hobbs did a great job introducing it and creating questions around it. I found myself highlighting so of her pause and reflect sections to remind myself to use in therapy.
I also thought of several female clients while reading the book. From the shutdown dissociaters to the hyperventilate anxious ones. Primarily, mothers come to my mind the most when reading it. Mothers and high strung perfectionists would be who I would recommend this book the most to.
As for critiques, I think this book could have had potential to reach for men. While I understand this was a feminist book, I can see similar techniques used for men too. Of course, I agree that we women have the shorter straw when it comes to relaxing and overproduction. However, I think Hobbs cut out half a population that still needs to hear this message.
It’s also a good start. I think this book can point a reader in the right direction. I wish she would have gone more into depth with other steps of becoming a relaxed woman like enhancing relationships and such. However, this book was a perfect length so I understand why it wasn’t. I can understand how some readers could read this book and feel the need to continue to educate themselves on some of her points.
Overall, I do recommend.
July 17, 2025
The Relaxed Woman by Nicola Jane Hobbs offers insight not only into the physical habits of a relaxed woman, but also into the limiting thoughts that keep us from achieving this state. With care and intention, Hobbs guides readers through the patterns of behavior that prevent relaxation, exploring how society and past experiences shape our relationship with rest and ease. She provides practical ways to develop new systems in our lives so we can accept ourselves more fully. This book is about much more than bubble baths and shiny things—it’s about becoming comfortable with your whole self. I appreciate the thoughtful perspective Hobbs brings to this topic.
I read both the hardcover and listened to the audiobook, and I enjoyed both formats. The hardcover is absolutely gorgeous, making it a pleasure to flip through. The audiobook narrator has a lovely accent, which made it easy and enjoyable to listen to for long periods.
Thank you to Putnam Books for providing me with an advanced copy.
I read both the hardcover and listened to the audiobook, and I enjoyed both formats. The hardcover is absolutely gorgeous, making it a pleasure to flip through. The audiobook narrator has a lovely accent, which made it easy and enjoyable to listen to for long periods.
Thank you to Putnam Books for providing me with an advanced copy.
August 14, 2025
A book about someone I have NEVER been in my lifetime!! I hope I can meet her soon with the tools and knowledge I gained from this book. Very well written with breaks very often that pause and give you something to reflect on that you just read and apply it to your own life.
Interesting back story: I was going to purchase this book on Audible with my monthly credit, however I went for a Summer beach read instead and decided to listen to this book next month. Well the world has other plans. The very same day I got an email that this book was being delivered to me via Kindle. Not realizing that I was looking at it on Audible, I thought I had just made a mistake and purchased this instead of my Summer beach read. Well I hadn’t. I actually won this book the same day via a GoodReads giveaway. I don’t typically rate non-fiction books unless I have received a copy to review.
***I won this book via a GoodReads giveaway. My review is all my own honest option of the book***
Thank you GoodReads and Penguin Group!!
Interesting back story: I was going to purchase this book on Audible with my monthly credit, however I went for a Summer beach read instead and decided to listen to this book next month. Well the world has other plans. The very same day I got an email that this book was being delivered to me via Kindle. Not realizing that I was looking at it on Audible, I thought I had just made a mistake and purchased this instead of my Summer beach read. Well I hadn’t. I actually won this book the same day via a GoodReads giveaway. I don’t typically rate non-fiction books unless I have received a copy to review.
***I won this book via a GoodReads giveaway. My review is all my own honest option of the book***
Thank you GoodReads and Penguin Group!!
September 16, 2025
This is an absolutely brilliant book. Nicola writes with a grounded, authentic style, and her ideas are exactly what the world needs right now.
What I love most is that she doesn’t reduce relaxation to bubble baths or spa days. Instead, she reframes it as a way of being grounded, confident, content, and thoughtfully ambitious. The book is full of research presented in an accessible way, practical tools and exercises that any busy woman can use, and—most importantly—stories from her own life and her clients that make it deeply relatable.
I’ve read several books on related topics, but this is by far my favorite. I’ve already ordered multiple copies and recommended it to so many of my clients.
This book is a true game-changer.
Also—follow her on Instagram and subscribe to her newsletter. Her words are a breath of fresh air in a culture that glorifies hustle, relentless achievement, and burnout.
What I love most is that she doesn’t reduce relaxation to bubble baths or spa days. Instead, she reframes it as a way of being grounded, confident, content, and thoughtfully ambitious. The book is full of research presented in an accessible way, practical tools and exercises that any busy woman can use, and—most importantly—stories from her own life and her clients that make it deeply relatable.
I’ve read several books on related topics, but this is by far my favorite. I’ve already ordered multiple copies and recommended it to so many of my clients.
This book is a true game-changer.
Also—follow her on Instagram and subscribe to her newsletter. Her words are a breath of fresh air in a culture that glorifies hustle, relentless achievement, and burnout.
November 17, 2025
I like the message overall and I think it's an important one but there's a bit too much of the victim-hood mindset here that really hurts men which is "women suffer so much because of the patriarchy". Girl, we all do and it's not just the patriarchy. Maybe let's focus more on what we can change and not so much on who's to blame as if we have no responsibility in this.
Also, "a form of listening driven by curiosity, where the goal is to enter another person's reality, to understand without judgement" (page 248) is not "radical" listening. It's called active listening. No need to be that dramatic, imo.
Care may have political aspects but I'm of the opinion that with that lense everything is political then, which means nothing is.
Other than these things, I liked a lot of the practical tips. I feel like this book could have had much more value per word by sticking to the practical and reflective questions more.
Also, "a form of listening driven by curiosity, where the goal is to enter another person's reality, to understand without judgement" (page 248) is not "radical" listening. It's called active listening. No need to be that dramatic, imo.
Care may have political aspects but I'm of the opinion that with that lense everything is political then, which means nothing is.
Other than these things, I liked a lot of the practical tips. I feel like this book could have had much more value per word by sticking to the practical and reflective questions more.
July 1, 2025
Many books attempt to do what this one actually does. Not only do you get the narrative and science, but you get IMMEDIATE application to use that very moment, not just theoretically in a few months when you forget you had meant to. Some practices are simple (a few breaths) while others are more layered (journaling for 15 min a day for 4 days). The author is knowledgeable while also being down to earth, She gives advice in a way that is easily received. There are some concepts I might not jump fully on board with, but it’s ok because you have the distinct feeling that throwing the baby out with the bath water is frowned upon. I’ll be recommending this one! Thank you NetGalley for this ARC.
September 19, 2025
As someone with a sociology degree with a concentration in gender & sexuality studies, i really appreciated this thoughtful guide to slowing down and embracing gentleness in daily life. hobbs writes with a calm, encouraging voice that makes the advice approachable rather than overwhelming and it doesn't feed into the typical productivity culture plaguing women. while some of the concepts weren’t entirely new to me, i appreciated the reminders about boundaries, rest, and self-trust!! it’s the kind of book you keep on your nightstand to dip into whenever you need grounding.
November 13, 2025
I adored listening to this book so much that I’m ordering a physical copy and plan to go through and highlight bits that resonate (which will probably be all of it!)
Nicola’s voice is so soothing and all of the recommendations or ‘menu’ options seem to come from a genuine place of kindness. Rest in resistance to the patriarchy and so many other wonderful principles that, as an aspiring clinical psychologist and aspiring yoga teacher myself, completely align with my own values and inspired me throughout.
Nicola’s voice is so soothing and all of the recommendations or ‘menu’ options seem to come from a genuine place of kindness. Rest in resistance to the patriarchy and so many other wonderful principles that, as an aspiring clinical psychologist and aspiring yoga teacher myself, completely align with my own values and inspired me throughout.
August 4, 2025
Really informed and easy read! Loved the way it was written and presented. Great ideas throughout. Written in a way that makes you actually pause and relax while reading and gleaning new ways to cope and deal with your own life as well as the world. I definitely can see returning to these words of wisdom often.
November 1, 2025
Gentle and powerful, thoughtful and possible
This book contains psychological ideas and self inquiry prompts to open us up to the possibility of finding ways to make changes that bring more balance to our lives. I highly recommend for women seeking to make sustainable choices leading to feeling relaxed and well.
This book contains psychological ideas and self inquiry prompts to open us up to the possibility of finding ways to make changes that bring more balance to our lives. I highly recommend for women seeking to make sustainable choices leading to feeling relaxed and well.
December 28, 2025
I didn't really get much out of this book which was disappointing. I imagine it might be helpful to some but it was nothing enlightening. Sometimes you can get into what the author is saying & it resonates but that didn't happen for me here. There may be some parts you find to be useful. You may actually read it & find this book to be great, so it can't hurt.
July 27, 2025
A Primer
This book is an exceptional primer and foundation on entering not just your relaxed woman era but your EMBODIED and FREE era. I look forward to coming back to the tools recommended again and again!
This book is an exceptional primer and foundation on entering not just your relaxed woman era but your EMBODIED and FREE era. I look forward to coming back to the tools recommended again and again!
May 18, 2025
A book on how women should learn to relax and not take on so many tasks
July 13, 2025
*won this book from Goodreads Giveaways
The book I didn’t know I needed. I love that it gave specific ways to spend relaxing time. And the reasons I needed it.
The book I didn’t know I needed. I love that it gave specific ways to spend relaxing time. And the reasons I needed it.
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