Another Word for Love: A Memoir

by Carvell Wallace

Kirkus Prize Finalist, 2024

Long-listed, Time Magazine Best Books of the Year, 2024

This program is read by the author.

“Carvell Wallace narrates his beautiful memoir with poignant urgency-- and a whole lot of love…His voice, like his prose, has a poetic cadence. At times, his narration seems to fly, reaching higher and higher before culminating in an emotional crescendo.”—AudioFile

A transformative memoir that reimagines the conventions of love and posits a radical vision for healing.

In Another Word for Love, Carvell Wallace excavates layers of his own history, situated in the struggles and beauty of growing up Black and queer in America.

Wallace is an award-winning journalist who has built his career on writing unforgettable profiles, bringing a provocative and engaged sensitivity to his subjects. Now he turns the focus on himself, examining his own life and the circumstances that frame it—to make sense of seeking refuge from homelessness with a young single mother, living in a ghostly white Pennsylvania town, becoming a partner and parent, raising two teenagers in what feels like a collapsing world.

With courage, vulnerability, and a remarkable expansiveness of spirit—not to mention a thrilling, and unrivaled, storytelling verve—Another Word for Love makes an irresistible case for life, healing, the fullness of our humanity, and, of course, love. It could be called a theory of life itself—a theory of being that will leave you open to the wonder of the world.

A Macmillan Audio production from Farrar, Straus and Giroux.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, LGBT, Queer, Race, Biography Memoir

6 pages, Audible Audio

First published May 14, 2024

Reviews

[Traci Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was really impressed with this one. It moves from one thing to the next and by the end it feels like a different book from where you started, but in a good way. It shows growth. The writing is beautiful and the level of vulnerability is impressive.

[Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

Appreciated the author’s honest reflections about race, childhood trauma, and taking accountability for his own actions in his relationships with women. Unfortunately I felt the writing style, especially toward the second half of the book, veered more into telling than showing which was hard to connect to. Though some of his sentences came across as too abstract for me, I still think others may relate or find comfort/wisdom in Carvell Wallace’s reflections about sexuality, addiction, and consent.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wallace's debut memoir-in-essays reflects on a traumatic upbringing that taught him to reject stereotypical masculinity and celebrate the beauty in the everyday. He candidly acknowledges wrongs that have been done—to him personally and to Black people collectively. But he also relates what he has learned about sexuality and spirituality, both of which provoke openness to love and wonder. Through vividly recreated scenes, Wallace captures the emotions of childhood. Although his recollections of sexual abuse can be difficult to read about, some of the later "Stories About Return" provide a sort of antidote, as Wallace realizes the power of consent and reclaims a sense of ownership and joy in his bisexuality. Marriage and parenting, overcoming addiction, his mother's death, and the pandemic are other topics in these varied and relatable autobiographical essays.

See my full review at BookBrowse. (See also my interview with Carvell Wallace.)

[Troy]

This was more of an essay-collection-memoir and sometimes the format and delivery worked really well, and at other times, not as much for me personally. I found the parts that were more memoir to be the best. In all, I thought the narrative could have benefited from a more zoomed in perspective or POV instead of zoomed out kind of looking at the bigger picture of society in conjunction with the personal. Because of this, there was a lot more telling than showing of larger ideas instead of those connections from the writer’s life being found or made by the reader themselves. This made the narrative feel off tonally, but in all, I found a good chunk of this enjoyable and it was still worth the time to read.

[Dona's Books · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finished Reading

Pre-Read notes

I love memoirs. I spent some time homeless in my early adulthood, so I was curious about this story.

Final Review

I guess that’s what time does, changes the meaning of things. I try not to bother too much about figuring out which truth is the truest. A lot of things, I have learned, can be true at once. p.5

Review summary and recommendations

I was immediately drawn to the description for this memoir, as I'm always interested in narratives from people who have spent time in homelessness. I'm always interested to know how people escape this circumstance. I find this kind of content challenging, especially when the story belongs to a homeless kid, as I found here.

I love this book for more reasons than just this one, though I did connect very honestly to this part of Wallace's narrative. It's also beautifully written, and Wallace explores important themes from his childhood, such as how masculinity is socialized in young boys, and being poor among a culture of people who have much more than you do.

I recommend this book to readers who enjoy memoir, appreciate philosophy, and are drawn to stories about people who come from terrible childhoods redeeming themselves and their lives.

When your oppression is communal, your liberation must be as well. p151

Reading Notes

Three (or more) things I loved:

1. Maybe it was less than a year but it felt like a long time, full of endings and tiny deaths. p3 This is what a year of homelessness felt to me, at 19. I never speak about that time in my life because I don't often meet with empathy if I try. But this makes me feel seen.

2. In the chapter entitled "The Razors," the author uses repetition to brilliant effect. But also, trigger warning for violence against women and children, and child SA.

3. Giving pain was how you proved your right to exist, to be left alone, to be granted full humanity. p22 From a passage about how the author and the other boys around him were socialized. It's a profound statement about how we teach masculinity to young kids.

4. Everyone in my neighborhood was white. Everyone in all my classes and on my school bus was white. Everyone in my home was white. I was stranded. It was like living on the moon. p27 Wonderful description, and such an important statement.

Rating: 💗💖❤️‍🔥💔💞 /5 loves and other words for it
Recommend? Yes!
Finished: Dec 13 '24
Format: digital arc, NetGalley; digital, Libby
Read this book if you like:
🗣 memoir
🏚 stories of difficult childhoods
🏕 stories about homelessness
🌄 redemption stories

Thank you to the author Carvell Wallace, publishers Farrar, Straus and Giroux, and NetGalley for an advance digital copy of ANOTHER WORD FOR LOVE. All views are mine.
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[Sweet Throat · Rating 4 out of 5]

Why I thought I knew Carvell personally after this book? Im being fr I ended up following Carvells page on Instagram because I needed to see the person I spent so much time listening to (I read this on audible). Please give this a read, the writing of this is so vulnerable and gave me many moments of like “wow other people feel like this too”. I particularly love how current this is, from the culture, the struggles, and the music that came from it all.

[Mia Henry · Rating 5 out of 5]

I put this book down a few times because it was so deep and sometimes I run from deep. But this book was stunning and it made me a better person. A more full person. A more loving person. It made me want to pay tribute and forgive myself. It made me feel all kinds of things, not the least of which was real gratitude to the author, for opening up in so many ways and inviting me to do the same.

[Z · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.75. fantastic fantastic fantastic. remember that each chapter of this memoir is poetry and you can enjoy it more. to be alive is such a blessing.

[Sarah Pinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most beautifully written books I have ever read.

[Isa Higgins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reads like poetry. Absolutely loved the postscript. Also, very interesting to read alongside of “The Will to Change” by bell hooks, Wallace’s memoir provides Black male lived experience that compliments the theories in hooks’ book.

[Crystal (Melanatedreader) Forte' · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very well written and the story was gripping and heartbreaking at times… loved it

[NoraDawn · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is classified as a memoir, but I would call is a book of personal essays. I really loved it when I started it but then the chapters became less focused on Wallace's story and more about philosophy and ideas. It's well written, but I love memoirs for the life story element and probably wouldn't have chosen to read this if I knew what it was actually like. He would use vignettes from his life to help illustrate his thoughts and beliefs. I'm used to memoirs being mostly stories with smaller amounts of personal philosophy. As another reviewer wrote, this book told more than it showed.
This book might be more enjoyable for some readers than a standard memoir, but it wasn't for me.

[Mary Anne Powell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this a lot. The rhythm of the short chapters took some getting used to, but by halfway through I felt accustomed. The second half also had more reflection that made each event meaningful to me, a reader with a very different life, whereas the first half was more like storytelling. For some reason the chapter about making bread listening to Solange made me weep! I love reading deep sentimental contemplative meandering memoirs because that sort of thinking is how I connect to my own emotions, and I love to be reminded other people are that way too. :)

[Lauren Oertel · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an incredible memoir! I bookmarked about 100 notable passages in the audiobook app for this one. Nearly every page had a beautiful and/or brilliant insight. While many topics were heavy and painful to explore, the author provided a thoughtful perspective so filled with love that I couldn’t help feeling comforted. The world is a better place thanks to the author’s existence and this book to share his understanding of the messiness and beauty of life. I can’t recommend this enough. All the stars.

[Aaron S · Rating 5 out of 5]

Under the radar gem.

[Lola Relacon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This honestly one of the most touching books I’ve ever read. I went into it knowing absolutely nothing about it except I liked the tittle. It blew me away, so vulnerable so raw so beautifully written.

[Carrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to a podcast episode where Carvell Wallace said that in Another Word for Love, he was trying to write a different kind of trauma memoir, one that didn't feel like it was exploiting or monetizing queer, Black pain. To accomplish that, Wallace said, he wanted his focus to be the after: the recovery, the joy, the reunion. Wallace divides the memoir into three main parts: the first of which focuses on the traumatic events in Wallace's life as a queer, Black man, with the final two moving through his recovery from that trauma-- the moments of joy, forgiveness, community, and communion.

"I discovered that any resentment could be let go of at any time for any reason when we are faced with death. I decided that we are always faced with death. This is why I don't want to write about the people who have hurt me. They are among the dying. I am among the dying. You are among the dying. To be among the dying, and to know it, the feeling that gives you, that is another word for love."

This is one of those books that I find difficult to review because I am bursting with emotions and thoughts that are too difficult to wrangle and articulate in a way that approximates the feeling reading this has left me with. This memoir is beautiful in every sense of the word. The writing--this book is brimming with passages that are so beautifully put and so deep and insightful that I wish I could commit them to memory, to my heart-- the vulnerability, the emotion, the structure, the open-heartedness, the forgiveness.

I mean, I loved it. I don't just recommend this-- I implore you to read this. This is me, pressing this book into your hands.

[Piper · Rating 5 out of 5]

I raced through Carvel Wallace's miraculous, courageous memoir and then slowed down, not wanting it to end. I learned so much from Wallace: how he survived a difficult childhood and discovered how to heal; what our society puts boys and men through, at everyone's expense; and so much about love in all its forms.

[Evan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Please read this book

[Aimee Darrow · Rating 5 out of 5]

The prose is so beautiful and the story is so moving. A must-read for anyone. I'm grateful he shared his story with us.

[Richard Propes · Rating 5 out of 5]

As I began my healing journey from childhood sexual abuse and violence, I've often spoken of my journey through undefining and redefining my life, my loves, and how I experience the world.

You could call it deconstruction, though I've often preferred to see it as reconstruction.

I am and always have been uncomfortable with the word love, a word primarily used in my childhood by my perpetrator with whom it would always be followed by sexual assault.

I read Carvell Wallace's without intent for review, instead hoping for a hopeful, healing, and soulful journey with which I could relate as recent body changes have sort of taken me down a revisit through healing of my body image and my relationship with self and others.

Wallace is an award-winning writer who had a realization when he was 12-years-old - he couldn't rely on anyone else. Having grown up unhoused for a year, at times sleeping in a car with his mother, has come to realize this response as a "wounded response."

Indeed, throughout "Another Word for Love" Wallace shares both his vulnerability and his exhilaration in equal measure. He writes about his early years with and without his mother, his journey through addictions, his journey as a writer and parent, and finally living into what it means to be a queer Black man.

"Another Word for Love" is a memoir in essays, a collection of soul-filled urgencies seeking to find this other word for love, a road toward healing, and an embrace of a reclaimed life.

While one could, I suppose, argue that "Another Word for Love" meanders at times, I found this exhilarating because it reflected Wallace's stops and starts of life and his discovering for himself new joys, wonders, hard stops, and difficult lessons. I found myself deeply moved by discussions on consent, discussions that I think are so deeply important and that will resonate with so many.

Always an important social voice, Wallace turns the lens inward with "Another Word for Love: A Memoir" and tells a story of a spirit-filled life with grief, forgiveness, vulnerability, and another word for love all rising to the surface and embraced by this courageous, tender, and vibrant author.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the kind of book that was hard to put down at night - "I'll just read the next few pages" - but that I intentionally set aside for a day or two at a time because I didn't want to finish it and have no more. I am not entirely sure what it is about Wallace's writing, but it somehow invites momentum and deliberate slowness. It's poetic without being overwrought, earthy and dreamy, at once sad and beautiful and comforting.

[Julietta · Rating 5 out of 5]

A genre defying tome starting with realistic childhood autobiography and continuing with a drift into philosophy. It's poetic and expansive, yet dreadful and dark. The latter are because of specific horrendous life experiences. Juxtaposition to the max, but with a playlist (and you know how I adore a book with a playlist)!!!

More later, if I find the time to do it justice...

[Kelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5

[Natalie Park · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir is written like separate essays that build. The writing is beautiful - sharp, emotional, thought-provoking, raw, moving. I listened to the author reading the audiobook which I highly recommend but I’ll probably read the physical book too.

[Red🏳️‍⚧️ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jesus Weeping Christ (complimentary)

[Derrick Contreras · Rating 4 out of 5]

A little inconsistent. But the latter half of the book soars. Some of these essays will remain with me forever. I highly recommend it

[Dan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was, in itself, another word for love.

[Cassie · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most beautiful and heartbreaking nonfiction books I’ve ever read. It took me 3 months to read.

[Rainey Tilley · Rating 5 out of 5]

i’m thrilled to be (almost) on the other side of application writing and back to reading!! a tender, beautiful, grief-filled, and heartwarming memoir on living. shoutout to lily for the recommendation 🌸