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Underwater Daughter: A Memoir of Survival and Healing
Tuni’s father began sexually abusing her when she was just four-years-old. Her mother, though aware of the abuse, was a silent witness—one either incapable or unwilling to intervene—and the abuse continued until Tuni was 11. Three years later, when Tuni was 14, she was raped by an adult actor who was part of her cast in a professional theater production. These traumas would go on to shape much of her life.
Underwater Daughter follows how Tuni grappled with her relationship with her parents, the aftermath of her rape, an eating disorder, drug and alcohol excesses, and shame as she came of age and began to build a life. In order to not lose her inner innocence, in order to protect herself, in order to believe in love, she began early on to create imaginary worlds into which she could escape—to use dreams to transport her away from her fears. By early adulthood, she was well practiced at slapping lipstick (pink, frosty, kiss-me, gloss-over, perfect lipstick) over whatever darkness might be bubbling beneath. Hired by a dance company right out of high school, she found success as a dancer in Chicago and New York, but in her personal and emotional life, she continued to struggle.
Ultimately, it took her decades of dancing, hiding, faking, f-----g, costuming, implanting, dissociating, marrying, divorcing, and purging—all while staying silent about her past trauma—before a bike accident at age 55 forced her to stop and truly take stock of her life. As she did, she came to a resting place, finally, in regard to her father, developed the loving relationship she’d always wanted with her mother, and came to understand that, in the end, love is all anyone wants—or needs.
Underwater Daughter follows how Tuni grappled with her relationship with her parents, the aftermath of her rape, an eating disorder, drug and alcohol excesses, and shame as she came of age and began to build a life. In order to not lose her inner innocence, in order to protect herself, in order to believe in love, she began early on to create imaginary worlds into which she could escape—to use dreams to transport her away from her fears. By early adulthood, she was well practiced at slapping lipstick (pink, frosty, kiss-me, gloss-over, perfect lipstick) over whatever darkness might be bubbling beneath. Hired by a dance company right out of high school, she found success as a dancer in Chicago and New York, but in her personal and emotional life, she continued to struggle.
Ultimately, it took her decades of dancing, hiding, faking, f-----g, costuming, implanting, dissociating, marrying, divorcing, and purging—all while staying silent about her past trauma—before a bike accident at age 55 forced her to stop and truly take stock of her life. As she did, she came to a resting place, finally, in regard to her father, developed the loving relationship she’d always wanted with her mother, and came to understand that, in the end, love is all anyone wants—or needs.
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First published May 2, 2023
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews
April 10, 2023
The Underwater Daughter by Antonia Deignan. Thanks to @booksparks for the gifted Arc #springpopup ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Tuni spends her life coping with childhood trauma; a sexually abusive father and a mother who didn’t stop him. After a life-changing accident, she begins a journey to find peace.
This was a deeply emotional and revealing memoir. Be ready to dive deep with this one. It is poetic and very meaningful with its words. It shows the reader trauma and how impactful trauma can be, as well as the healing process.
“Because trauma is cellularly communal, biologically universal, trauma is a shared experience, literally and invisible. It penetrates blood and bones just like music; it infests the air we breathe and the words we speak.”
The Underwater Daughter comes out 5/2.
Tuni spends her life coping with childhood trauma; a sexually abusive father and a mother who didn’t stop him. After a life-changing accident, she begins a journey to find peace.
This was a deeply emotional and revealing memoir. Be ready to dive deep with this one. It is poetic and very meaningful with its words. It shows the reader trauma and how impactful trauma can be, as well as the healing process.
“Because trauma is cellularly communal, biologically universal, trauma is a shared experience, literally and invisible. It penetrates blood and bones just like music; it infests the air we breathe and the words we speak.”
The Underwater Daughter comes out 5/2.
January 11, 2023
This author is my mother, which makes leaving an authentically positive review all the more enjoyable. Reading about her trauma, so deeply folded into the nuances and dealings of the family, undoubtedly had me reflecting on my own experiences with abuse.
"I was not a natural swimmer, but with fierce determination
I became one." - Underwater Daughter
My mother has a burgeoning, fiery gift with words. Relinquishing them wasn't a choice; in reading her story it's obvious that her life depended on it. An avid lover of reading myself, it is with so much pride that I note the unique prose-like whimsy with which Tuni writes about the most painful of experiences, painting cruel, but beautiful scenes of abuse, betrayal, violence, and revelation.
"Victims narrating their experiences, externalizing what they have internalized are engaging in a sacred cleanse, a painful purging of truth; listen...
They will remember what they saw behind their squeezed eyelids. They will remember the taste of the acid rising into the backs of their throats, the pain pressuring into their skulls, the color of the wood framing the door, the time travel, the day of the week, the color of the sheet, the taste of their own tongues, the blood, the dying..." - Underwater Daughter
I recently read The Book of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera, and as may be true of many books I read now that I've ventured into the world of Tuni Deignan, I constantly kept thinking of her experience as a writer throughout. Two specific quotes/concepts come to mind:
“By writing books, a man turns into a universe.” In Kundera's words, this is exactly how it feels to read Tuni's memoir. The words lift you from your seat, surround you with light-tipped fingers, and show you the confusing world of a woman lost in herself and her pain.
The concept of Litost is devoted an entire chapter in Laughter and Forgetting; funny enough, it is also the name of a song that Mom and I loved for years (she'll know the one). I never really knew what the word meant then, but Kundera illuminates that "it designates a feeling as infinite as an open accordion, a feeling that is the synthesis of many others: grief, sympathy, remorse, and an indefinable longing. The first syllable, which is long and stressed, sounds like the wail of an abandoned dog... Litost is a state of torment caused by a sudden insight into one's own miserable self." In more ways than one (see the litany of dogs loved deeply by my mother over the years), Tuni is familiar with the concept intimately. I wonder now if our hearts were telling us something when we turned to that song all those years ago.
"In the face of someone I loved becoming undone, I turned away, cowardly. I put myself first and moved on, thus denying the possibility of love's guidance... and for this, I plead forgiveness" - Underwater Daughter
Mom's story is greatly entwined with litost, addressing her own and acknowledging the prolific nature of the feeling throughout family dynamics. As the cause of so much pain in her life and in the lives of those she holds closest. In the lives of those whom she feels she must hold close to survive. I would argue that the physical feeling itself aligns well to that of the infinite pressure of water on desperate lungs.
"In reflection, I've thought about the what ifs - have you? ... Habitually, I return to a fish, a fish, and a fish, slippery and rippley, qwerky-ing into pockets of channeled rivers, engorged in briny fortune and unfettered flow. The underwater underworld where my body is buffered, cool, fast, and unholdable.
What if." - Underwater Daughter
"It is one of the ornaments of youth," says Kundera, "first comes a feeling of torment, then the desire for revenge." This is the essence of what my Mum deals with in processing her story; how to reconcile, how to move past, how to forgive otherwise unforgivable truths despite the feral need for retribution, reconciliation, revenge. In this way, her memoir is relatable, and useful, for all.
"So, if I love you, but you fear, what then? And if you love me, but I fear, what next?...
My hope is when we meet and I place my love in the lead you will do the same. As you lean in toward me and offer your love forward first, can we meet there, love on love, and leave fear behind?" - Underwater Daughter
I am grateful for this book. I long for my mother's words, just as she longs for words never said, and "forgiveness
yes,
and mercy at sea."
to the moon and back
TTMAB
"I was not a natural swimmer, but with fierce determination
I became one." - Underwater Daughter
My mother has a burgeoning, fiery gift with words. Relinquishing them wasn't a choice; in reading her story it's obvious that her life depended on it. An avid lover of reading myself, it is with so much pride that I note the unique prose-like whimsy with which Tuni writes about the most painful of experiences, painting cruel, but beautiful scenes of abuse, betrayal, violence, and revelation.
"Victims narrating their experiences, externalizing what they have internalized are engaging in a sacred cleanse, a painful purging of truth; listen...
They will remember what they saw behind their squeezed eyelids. They will remember the taste of the acid rising into the backs of their throats, the pain pressuring into their skulls, the color of the wood framing the door, the time travel, the day of the week, the color of the sheet, the taste of their own tongues, the blood, the dying..." - Underwater Daughter
I recently read The Book of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera, and as may be true of many books I read now that I've ventured into the world of Tuni Deignan, I constantly kept thinking of her experience as a writer throughout. Two specific quotes/concepts come to mind:
“By writing books, a man turns into a universe.” In Kundera's words, this is exactly how it feels to read Tuni's memoir. The words lift you from your seat, surround you with light-tipped fingers, and show you the confusing world of a woman lost in herself and her pain.
The concept of Litost is devoted an entire chapter in Laughter and Forgetting; funny enough, it is also the name of a song that Mom and I loved for years (she'll know the one). I never really knew what the word meant then, but Kundera illuminates that "it designates a feeling as infinite as an open accordion, a feeling that is the synthesis of many others: grief, sympathy, remorse, and an indefinable longing. The first syllable, which is long and stressed, sounds like the wail of an abandoned dog... Litost is a state of torment caused by a sudden insight into one's own miserable self." In more ways than one (see the litany of dogs loved deeply by my mother over the years), Tuni is familiar with the concept intimately. I wonder now if our hearts were telling us something when we turned to that song all those years ago.
"In the face of someone I loved becoming undone, I turned away, cowardly. I put myself first and moved on, thus denying the possibility of love's guidance... and for this, I plead forgiveness" - Underwater Daughter
Mom's story is greatly entwined with litost, addressing her own and acknowledging the prolific nature of the feeling throughout family dynamics. As the cause of so much pain in her life and in the lives of those she holds closest. In the lives of those whom she feels she must hold close to survive. I would argue that the physical feeling itself aligns well to that of the infinite pressure of water on desperate lungs.
"In reflection, I've thought about the what ifs - have you? ... Habitually, I return to a fish, a fish, and a fish, slippery and rippley, qwerky-ing into pockets of channeled rivers, engorged in briny fortune and unfettered flow. The underwater underworld where my body is buffered, cool, fast, and unholdable.
What if." - Underwater Daughter
"It is one of the ornaments of youth," says Kundera, "first comes a feeling of torment, then the desire for revenge." This is the essence of what my Mum deals with in processing her story; how to reconcile, how to move past, how to forgive otherwise unforgivable truths despite the feral need for retribution, reconciliation, revenge. In this way, her memoir is relatable, and useful, for all.
"So, if I love you, but you fear, what then? And if you love me, but I fear, what next?...
My hope is when we meet and I place my love in the lead you will do the same. As you lean in toward me and offer your love forward first, can we meet there, love on love, and leave fear behind?" - Underwater Daughter
I am grateful for this book. I long for my mother's words, just as she longs for words never said, and "forgiveness
yes,
and mercy at sea."
to the moon and back
TTMAB
April 24, 2023
3.5 stars. Deignan's story is written to pull you under, into the waters of her life, starting with a childhood fraught with risk and shame and then moving along through cities, through traumas and triumphs, through the years.
It's a lot of story—enough so that Deignan could have opted to write it into multiple separate books, had she chosen. But thematically: trauma in body and trauma in mind; unexpected healings; being, through the thick and the thin of it, her mother's daughter to the end. Its scope is sweeping, spanning decades, sometimes diving in deep and sometimes skimming the surface. Dance and body image and sexual violence and career-changing injuries and death, building a spider's web of connections.
"I'm sorry," she never said to me. And out loud in return I never said, "I forgive you." But I did. I forgave her. Fuck. I never told her. Fuck. She never said it. (loc. 504*)
Deignan writes with the sensibilities of someone who has taken a lot of writing classes—this would have fit right in at my MFA program, and at times I wondered whether certain sections had started out as essays and been submitted to lit journals before being folded into Underwater Daughter. It's a style that can be polarizing, I think—this is for readers who like literary fiction, and stories that are not all told at once but rather fragment and twist and circle back to themselves, and a lot of questions without answers to match.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
*I read an ARC, and quotes may not be final.
It's a lot of story—enough so that Deignan could have opted to write it into multiple separate books, had she chosen. But thematically: trauma in body and trauma in mind; unexpected healings; being, through the thick and the thin of it, her mother's daughter to the end. Its scope is sweeping, spanning decades, sometimes diving in deep and sometimes skimming the surface. Dance and body image and sexual violence and career-changing injuries and death, building a spider's web of connections.
"I'm sorry," she never said to me. And out loud in return I never said, "I forgive you." But I did. I forgave her. Fuck. I never told her. Fuck. She never said it. (loc. 504*)
Deignan writes with the sensibilities of someone who has taken a lot of writing classes—this would have fit right in at my MFA program, and at times I wondered whether certain sections had started out as essays and been submitted to lit journals before being folded into Underwater Daughter. It's a style that can be polarizing, I think—this is for readers who like literary fiction, and stories that are not all told at once but rather fragment and twist and circle back to themselves, and a lot of questions without answers to match.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
*I read an ARC, and quotes may not be final.
January 12, 2023
My mother is the author. If you’re reading this review, you may have also read my sister’s (Madlin) review of the book, also on this page (it’s quite long (but very good)). I am not as good with words as my sister nor mom — I prefer numbers — so I will simply say this: 10/10.
Jokes aside, this beautiful book has never made me more proud to call Antonia Deignan my mama, she’s a fighter, a lover, and my inspiration. Now you should go read Madlin’s review too, it’s pretty good.
Jokes aside, this beautiful book has never made me more proud to call Antonia Deignan my mama, she’s a fighter, a lover, and my inspiration. Now you should go read Madlin’s review too, it’s pretty good.
January 11, 2023
Underwater Daughter is a beautiful and painful telling of a life lived surrounded by all of the things we believe are there to protect our children, but don’t. In reading UD it feels appropriate to let go of a straightforward narrative and go along with the flow of Tuni’s almost lyrical writing style. The story flows back and forth through her life like waves, if you try to apply a strict chronology you will only fail to grasp how interrelated all of life’s experiences end up. She never preaches, she shares, and opens the reader’s eyes to her world of abuse, dance, pain, love and acceptance. Her writing is compelling and filled with her artistry, and while wrenching at times it is an amazing success story.
June 13, 2023
Underwater Daughter: A Memoir Of Survival And Healing by Antonia Deignan in quick, rapid fire thoughts.
-this book is not for the faint of heart; it packs a punch even before page one. Somehow, it is also still beautiful.
-it is a kaleidoscope of formats: poetry, quotes, essays... all woven together in a patchwork quilt.
-I want to hold my breath so the unthinkable horrors stop. Maybe if I hold my breath, it won't happen anymore.
-the juxtaposition between how beautiful the writing is and the events that occurred is frightening... and well done (also unthinkably sad that these events took place to contrast against).
-what a horrible "solution" to an unthinkable act. I'm so outraged about what Deignan had to endure from both parents.
-the beginning is memory based - fragmented. Non-linear. Random but potent. Then it all starts coming together in a more linear way, in a more orderly fashion.
Please note: this is a very heavy book, possibly the heaviest memoir I've read.
Major trigger warnings: eating disorders, child abuse, child molestation, sexual assault, parental neglect, rape, suicide, suicide ideation, drugs, addiction and death of a parent (although I may be missing some).
Thank you Book Sparks for the complimentary copy to read and review.
-this book is not for the faint of heart; it packs a punch even before page one. Somehow, it is also still beautiful.
-it is a kaleidoscope of formats: poetry, quotes, essays... all woven together in a patchwork quilt.
-I want to hold my breath so the unthinkable horrors stop. Maybe if I hold my breath, it won't happen anymore.
-the juxtaposition between how beautiful the writing is and the events that occurred is frightening... and well done (also unthinkably sad that these events took place to contrast against).
-what a horrible "solution" to an unthinkable act. I'm so outraged about what Deignan had to endure from both parents.
-the beginning is memory based - fragmented. Non-linear. Random but potent. Then it all starts coming together in a more linear way, in a more orderly fashion.
Please note: this is a very heavy book, possibly the heaviest memoir I've read.
Major trigger warnings: eating disorders, child abuse, child molestation, sexual assault, parental neglect, rape, suicide, suicide ideation, drugs, addiction and death of a parent (although I may be missing some).
Thank you Book Sparks for the complimentary copy to read and review.
January 18, 2023
5+++ Stars! Excellent!!! Underwater Daughter is a gift to those who have experienced abuse and/or trauma. The author, Tuni Deignan, demonstrates such inner strength to overcome assaults to her physically and emotionally over and over again. Tuni poetically describes every detail so as a reader you can feel, smell, taste and hear her experiences. Anyone who reads Underwater Daughter will be able to relate to their own challenges and traumas even though they are undoubtedly unique. The true magic in Tuni's memoir is the perfect mix of writing excellence coupled with personal deep accounts of her life. One of the best books I've ever read! I cannot wait to share this exceptional book with my book club!
February 22, 2023
Antonia Deignan’s book Underwater Daughter is a meticulously descriptive and poetic read which is gripping from word one all the way through till its end. An extremely powerful first book.
*She is a new writer
*She is descriptive
The intriguing and appropriately titled Underwater Daughter opens the story where this buoyant journey begins to flow like a poem and where we learn from the author her memoir of survival and healing. She milks our emotions time and time again as she shares several selected focal points along the way.
*She is buoyant
*She is a survivor
*She is a teacher
Early age sex abuse, secrets and escapism predicate the foundation of Tuni’s coping mechanisms and build from there. It’s a wild ride of excitement coupled with sometimes errant naiveté and nondisclosure during a hush hush era that add a lot of momentum and fuel to an already explosive story. The subject matter is harsh at times and varies depending on the highlighted point, but the writing is eloquent and grabbing thus allowing the reader to be more enlightened and grateful for these hard to read down-to-earth truths.
*She is a victim
*She is naïve
*She is eloquent
*She is down to earth
Everyone can learn from Underwater Daughter. Beautifully written, it shows grit and tenacity beyond the darkness and grows humor, joy, love, grace, humility, and bravery at each story point. It’s a wonderful reminder that out of bad comes good and out of dark comes light inspiring us all to remember that in our own personal journey going forward.
*She is gritty
*She is tenacious
*She is humble
*She is brave
*She is inspiring
So, pull on your go-go boots, grab a buoy, hold your breath, and hang on for a fantastically unfathomable story of harsh reality, forgiveness, joy, love, and discovery.
Stay in tune and stay tuned! *She is Tuni! CP Iverson-Mpls. MN
*She is a new writer
*She is descriptive
The intriguing and appropriately titled Underwater Daughter opens the story where this buoyant journey begins to flow like a poem and where we learn from the author her memoir of survival and healing. She milks our emotions time and time again as she shares several selected focal points along the way.
*She is buoyant
*She is a survivor
*She is a teacher
Early age sex abuse, secrets and escapism predicate the foundation of Tuni’s coping mechanisms and build from there. It’s a wild ride of excitement coupled with sometimes errant naiveté and nondisclosure during a hush hush era that add a lot of momentum and fuel to an already explosive story. The subject matter is harsh at times and varies depending on the highlighted point, but the writing is eloquent and grabbing thus allowing the reader to be more enlightened and grateful for these hard to read down-to-earth truths.
*She is a victim
*She is naïve
*She is eloquent
*She is down to earth
Everyone can learn from Underwater Daughter. Beautifully written, it shows grit and tenacity beyond the darkness and grows humor, joy, love, grace, humility, and bravery at each story point. It’s a wonderful reminder that out of bad comes good and out of dark comes light inspiring us all to remember that in our own personal journey going forward.
*She is gritty
*She is tenacious
*She is humble
*She is brave
*She is inspiring
So, pull on your go-go boots, grab a buoy, hold your breath, and hang on for a fantastically unfathomable story of harsh reality, forgiveness, joy, love, and discovery.
Stay in tune and stay tuned! *She is Tuni! CP Iverson-Mpls. MN
April 18, 2023
TW: abuso se*ual, p*d*filia, pensamientos s**cidas, d*sórdenes alimenticios.
Es una memoria bastante fuerte, en la que la autora de relata algunos de los momentos más oscuros de su vida y como ha lidiado con el trauma, como lo ha trabajado y sanado actualmente.
El estilo de autora es poético, incluye frases de otros autores e incluso sueños que ha tenido, donde podemos ver reflejados sus miedos y deseos.
Me partió el corazón leer algo así, y entiendo que las víctimas no nos deben nada. Pero odio la idea de que los abusadores queden impunes. Y no, no estoy de acuerdo con "lo pagarán en esta vida o en la siguiente", si en esta la hicieron, que en esta la paguen. Sobre todo porque son un peligro potencial para el resto de infantes con quienes conviven.
Entiendo que es importante perdonar, pero me es imposible pensar en tener una relación con personas que permitieron el abuso y mucho más con la misma persona que lo cometió.
Lo positivo de esto es que al parecer, la autora se encuentra en un lugar emocional, mental y físico seguro y pleno. Good for her!
Es una memoria bastante fuerte, en la que la autora de relata algunos de los momentos más oscuros de su vida y como ha lidiado con el trauma, como lo ha trabajado y sanado actualmente.
El estilo de autora es poético, incluye frases de otros autores e incluso sueños que ha tenido, donde podemos ver reflejados sus miedos y deseos.
Me partió el corazón leer algo así, y entiendo que las víctimas no nos deben nada. Pero odio la idea de que los abusadores queden impunes. Y no, no estoy de acuerdo con "lo pagarán en esta vida o en la siguiente", si en esta la hicieron, que en esta la paguen. Sobre todo porque son un peligro potencial para el resto de infantes con quienes conviven.
Entiendo que es importante perdonar, pero me es imposible pensar en tener una relación con personas que permitieron el abuso y mucho más con la misma persona que lo cometió.
Lo positivo de esto es que al parecer, la autora se encuentra en un lugar emocional, mental y físico seguro y pleno. Good for her!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 30, 2023
Honest and raw, poetic and lyrical, harsh and jarring, gentle and forgiving—Underwater Daughter evokes the full spectrum of emotions.
The title is apt for a number of reasons. Like water, at times, words spill and flow gently—at others, they fall hard, shocking and roiling the reader. Moreover, time and space are fluid; events are not presented chronologically, and the author moves between memories as lived in the moment and reflections on those events as processed and interpreted later. With incredible courage, Deignan invites us to be not only eye-witnesses to her life, but also to experience events on multiple sensory levels, finding ourselves with her as a fourteen-year-old in her twenty-two- year-old co-star’s apartment, unable to speak the words so many women have had silenced in their throats; as a young woman, dancing as a Studio 54 go-go girl, glittering and curling above guests dancing below; weeks later sitting between her parents in a therapist’s office, waiting to hear words from them that do not come; as a fifty-five-year-old at the sink in her bathroom, using her tongue to retrieve pain medication from tiny Indian brass bowls after a bike accident renders her arms useless: and so many others. As a result, I didn’t just read this book, I felt it and absorbed it. Highly recommend.
The title is apt for a number of reasons. Like water, at times, words spill and flow gently—at others, they fall hard, shocking and roiling the reader. Moreover, time and space are fluid; events are not presented chronologically, and the author moves between memories as lived in the moment and reflections on those events as processed and interpreted later. With incredible courage, Deignan invites us to be not only eye-witnesses to her life, but also to experience events on multiple sensory levels, finding ourselves with her as a fourteen-year-old in her twenty-two- year-old co-star’s apartment, unable to speak the words so many women have had silenced in their throats; as a young woman, dancing as a Studio 54 go-go girl, glittering and curling above guests dancing below; weeks later sitting between her parents in a therapist’s office, waiting to hear words from them that do not come; as a fifty-five-year-old at the sink in her bathroom, using her tongue to retrieve pain medication from tiny Indian brass bowls after a bike accident renders her arms useless: and so many others. As a result, I didn’t just read this book, I felt it and absorbed it. Highly recommend.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 23, 2023
“In Underwater Daughter, Tuni Deignan invites the reader to take a deep soul dive using poetic imagery and beautiful prose to understand the extent of her pain from childhood trauma. Then the author continues her narrative by offering her wisdom of the healing power of movement through human suffering bringing us to the surface again: to breath, heal, dance, and live fully.
This book is a beautiful conversation seeking to connect our stories and shift us to greater love. Beautifully done.”
This book is a beautiful conversation seeking to connect our stories and shift us to greater love. Beautifully done.”
December 20, 2022
This beautifully written book takes the reader through a healing journey, from the confusion and pain of childhood abuse to the gifts of connection and embodiment. While it is one person's story, it is helpful for understanding the ways children manage trauma and the legacy it may carry within them.
January 1, 2023
With true poetic writing, the author tells the story of abuse from her father, emotional absence of her mother, rape and many traumatic events in her life. Then with beauty, she tells us how she finds healing for herself and her relationships. It is an inspirational story which can offer hope for all.
June 2, 2024
Underwater Daughter, Antonia Deignan’s powerful literary debut, is a brave and beautiful memoir about family, forgiveness, love, survival and the journey to becoming one’s true self. It is a life-affirming read, a beacon for anyone struggling with their past.
The author’s gifted writing shines from the start as we dive with her into the story of her childhood turned upside down at age 4, when her beloved father, a renowned doctor, begins molesting her. As uncomfortable as this truth is to learn, Deignan’s telling propels us through this gut-wrenching reality yearning to know more about this courageous and imaginative soul. We ride the waves with her through adolescence, young adulthood, motherhood and into her role as caregiver for her eccentric mother. Her honest, totally vulnerable reflections keep us rooting for her, relating to her, and ultimately being so grateful to her for baring her heart and soul and allowing us to witness her struggles, her triumphs and her healing. Deignan crafts her memories with love and a vividness that spares nothing. When telling about the sadness, disappointment, and betrayal she felt on seeing her ex-husband and ex-best friend together for the first time she writes: “My hands fell off my wrists. My shoulder joints, my hip and knee joints dissolved; the walls of my heart inverted and bled.”
Defining herself as “a mother of five children by choice, a dancer by calling and a writer by necessity,” Deignan turned to memoir after a horrific bicycle accident at age 55 left her barely able to move. Held together by pins, rods and pain-numbing narcotics, this lifelong professional dancer, teacher, writer and artist who had relied on her work and high-energy lifestyle to keep grounded, found herself adrift and at a tipping point. She said she had no choice but to use her writing skills to heal physically and emotionally, to unbury the past traumas she’d learned to submerge at an early age. Facing down her fears with the pen, Deignan’s Underwater Daughter shows us how one can survive and thrive by choosing the power of truth, forgiveness, self-love, connection, creativity, joy, understanding and love. Most of all love. I give both the book and audiobook 5 stars.
The author’s gifted writing shines from the start as we dive with her into the story of her childhood turned upside down at age 4, when her beloved father, a renowned doctor, begins molesting her. As uncomfortable as this truth is to learn, Deignan’s telling propels us through this gut-wrenching reality yearning to know more about this courageous and imaginative soul. We ride the waves with her through adolescence, young adulthood, motherhood and into her role as caregiver for her eccentric mother. Her honest, totally vulnerable reflections keep us rooting for her, relating to her, and ultimately being so grateful to her for baring her heart and soul and allowing us to witness her struggles, her triumphs and her healing. Deignan crafts her memories with love and a vividness that spares nothing. When telling about the sadness, disappointment, and betrayal she felt on seeing her ex-husband and ex-best friend together for the first time she writes: “My hands fell off my wrists. My shoulder joints, my hip and knee joints dissolved; the walls of my heart inverted and bled.”
Defining herself as “a mother of five children by choice, a dancer by calling and a writer by necessity,” Deignan turned to memoir after a horrific bicycle accident at age 55 left her barely able to move. Held together by pins, rods and pain-numbing narcotics, this lifelong professional dancer, teacher, writer and artist who had relied on her work and high-energy lifestyle to keep grounded, found herself adrift and at a tipping point. She said she had no choice but to use her writing skills to heal physically and emotionally, to unbury the past traumas she’d learned to submerge at an early age. Facing down her fears with the pen, Deignan’s Underwater Daughter shows us how one can survive and thrive by choosing the power of truth, forgiveness, self-love, connection, creativity, joy, understanding and love. Most of all love. I give both the book and audiobook 5 stars.
April 28, 2023
Underwater Daughter by Antonia Deignan
Sublimely subtitled “a memoir of survival and healing,” this book is a moving meditation on childhood abuse and the effects and influences of early trauma. After a devastating accident forced Deignan to lie still and reflect on her past, she turned to writing as a means of therapy and release. She recalls her children, her marriages, her career as a dancer, struggles with eating disorders and substance abuse, and reaches back into cheerless childhood memories of her father’s sexual violations and her mother’s refusal to stop or acknowledge it. The journey is not linear, but rather one comprised of snapshots, fleeting windows peering into singular moments of impact. Her world is a darkly painted reverie, held together by images of the sea. It is difficult to say what makes a book feel important, exactly, but Deignan’s words cry out to be heard, her prose blazing across the pages. When the writing becomes repetitive or fragmented, it reads as honest, a stream-of-consciousness bleeding freely onto the paper. She doesn’t shy away from visceral darkness, but instead submerges your senses inside the gritty realities. A poetic reflection upon a life of toil and the challenges of forgiveness, this memoir is a triumphant reclamation of self for Deignan, and a celebration of resilience.
As might be expected, this book contains a lot of content that may be triggering to those who have suffered abuse, suicidal thoughts, or struggled with substance abuse, so please keep that in mind before reading.
Sublimely subtitled “a memoir of survival and healing,” this book is a moving meditation on childhood abuse and the effects and influences of early trauma. After a devastating accident forced Deignan to lie still and reflect on her past, she turned to writing as a means of therapy and release. She recalls her children, her marriages, her career as a dancer, struggles with eating disorders and substance abuse, and reaches back into cheerless childhood memories of her father’s sexual violations and her mother’s refusal to stop or acknowledge it. The journey is not linear, but rather one comprised of snapshots, fleeting windows peering into singular moments of impact. Her world is a darkly painted reverie, held together by images of the sea. It is difficult to say what makes a book feel important, exactly, but Deignan’s words cry out to be heard, her prose blazing across the pages. When the writing becomes repetitive or fragmented, it reads as honest, a stream-of-consciousness bleeding freely onto the paper. She doesn’t shy away from visceral darkness, but instead submerges your senses inside the gritty realities. A poetic reflection upon a life of toil and the challenges of forgiveness, this memoir is a triumphant reclamation of self for Deignan, and a celebration of resilience.
As might be expected, this book contains a lot of content that may be triggering to those who have suffered abuse, suicidal thoughts, or struggled with substance abuse, so please keep that in mind before reading.
October 26, 2023
I could not be as good of a woman as this Author. For I would have run for the hills away from my parents as fast as I could. For is it not the job of the parents to protect their children? Save them from abuse, danger, scary monsters. Not be the scary monsters.
I don't care if the Author's father was abused also that should have made him want to protect his daughter more. And don't get me started on the mother who allowed and knew about it. What the hell? I'm glad this woman could have the fortitude and strength to move on with her life forgive the unforgivable and have wonderful kids who supported he and still love her abusers and even forgive them. She was brave and strong but not everyone is as brave and strong or as forgiving as her.
But I know that trauma changes you. You are never the same as you were before the trauma whether it be sexual, physical, emotional, or abandonment or any of the traumas little children get thrown at them. But in your soul, you know you were changed forever by it. Even 50 years later. You know.
The only reason I am 1 staring this book is in rebellion for the Author who didn't deserve what she got. It was hard to read. It doesn't mean she is not a good writer it's just I couldn't bear the story she told. I wish I never read it for that reason. And I don't forgive her parents. No excuse or reasoning could make it better or easier to digest. I don't have to forgive any abuser not even my own.
I don't care if the Author's father was abused also that should have made him want to protect his daughter more. And don't get me started on the mother who allowed and knew about it. What the hell? I'm glad this woman could have the fortitude and strength to move on with her life forgive the unforgivable and have wonderful kids who supported he and still love her abusers and even forgive them. She was brave and strong but not everyone is as brave and strong or as forgiving as her.
But I know that trauma changes you. You are never the same as you were before the trauma whether it be sexual, physical, emotional, or abandonment or any of the traumas little children get thrown at them. But in your soul, you know you were changed forever by it. Even 50 years later. You know.
The only reason I am 1 staring this book is in rebellion for the Author who didn't deserve what she got. It was hard to read. It doesn't mean she is not a good writer it's just I couldn't bear the story she told. I wish I never read it for that reason. And I don't forgive her parents. No excuse or reasoning could make it better or easier to digest. I don't have to forgive any abuser not even my own.
April 24, 2023
This memoir of survival and healing is a raw and painful exploration of the author’s childhood trauma and resulting struggles in life as she navigates her pathway to healing and forgiveness. I will admit as a mom, parts of this were very hard to read, both from her personal experiences of molestation and rape and who the perpetrators were. Her story will tear you apart, have you wanting to rage and beat walls, but it will also inspire you with her strength and ability to love so deeply despite what she has been through. Her writing is beautifully sprinkled with lyrical prose that captivates her feelings in such a way I felt it all with her. I am always in awe when someone is so willing to open up their personal experiences and feelings for the world to read but it is so necessary sometimes to read someone else’s story to help learn from it and adapt it to our own lives. I don’t like giving star ratings to memoirs. This is someone’s personal story of trauma, healing, and love. I don’t have the right to rate someone’s life or their pain. However, this really is a 5 star read and I highly recommend this book if you are looking for a memoir to read. While heart wrenching and painful, it is also beautifully written and very inspiring.
May 4, 2023
“Trauma is cellularly communal, biologically universal, trauma is a shared experience, literally and invisibly. It penetrates blood and bones just like music; it infests the air we breathe and the words we speak. And the resulting variations of physical, emotional, or spiritual wounds linger and root within all of us, becoming our subsequent gestures, judgment, and behaviors alongside our passions, our brilliances, our curiosities and our fears. And then what? We pass them on, or rub them off on one another.” #deep
Wow. I read a lot. Like a lot, a lot. And so a book that truly moves me will stand out. This is one of those books
The writing is so poetically beautiful, which is in stark contrast to the content matter. How can you make trauma and childhood sexual abuse at the hands of your own father into a beautiful story of healing and forgiveness and strength? Read Underwater Daughter, available now, and you will see.
I am moved. Touched. Changed. Thank you, #tunietal, for your bravery and honesty and for laying yourself bare. I am in awe of you.
Thank you to @BookSparks @Tunietal for the #gifted copy.
Wow. I read a lot. Like a lot, a lot. And so a book that truly moves me will stand out. This is one of those books
The writing is so poetically beautiful, which is in stark contrast to the content matter. How can you make trauma and childhood sexual abuse at the hands of your own father into a beautiful story of healing and forgiveness and strength? Read Underwater Daughter, available now, and you will see.
I am moved. Touched. Changed. Thank you, #tunietal, for your bravery and honesty and for laying yourself bare. I am in awe of you.
Thank you to @BookSparks @Tunietal for the #gifted copy.
April 25, 2023
This was a beautifully written memoir about survival and healing. It reads like a series of short stories that aren’t in chronological order. Tuni’s life is marked by a series of trauma and tragedies, beginning with her childhood. The remarkable thing about the way this is written is that it gives you the sense that she is at peace, and at this point in her life, hasn’t let any one single event define her.
Please be warned that at the heart of this journey is the trauma of having a sexually abusive father at a very young age, and a mother who is either unwilling or unable to stop him.
The collection of short passages about her life jump around between childhood, adolescence, young adulthood and older adulthood. Each part of her life contains a different trauma that she has had to cope with, adapt to, and overcome.
One thing I didn’t fully understand was her ability to forgive and make peace with her situation and parents, but her journey and decisions aren’t for us to understand.
Please be warned that at the heart of this journey is the trauma of having a sexually abusive father at a very young age, and a mother who is either unwilling or unable to stop him.
The collection of short passages about her life jump around between childhood, adolescence, young adulthood and older adulthood. Each part of her life contains a different trauma that she has had to cope with, adapt to, and overcome.
One thing I didn’t fully understand was her ability to forgive and make peace with her situation and parents, but her journey and decisions aren’t for us to understand.
May 5, 2023
Memoirs are sometimes, and more likely always, a bit hard to read. I know that going in and still I enjoy reading them. Memoirs, even as they are hard to read, are also full of self-reflection and growth for the author. And honestly, I usually learn something to help me in my life as well. Sometimes it triggers a memory and how I could maybe deal with it but mostly memoirs give me perspectives to think about to make my life better.
Underwater Daughter was one of those hard life stories but I appreciated all of the wisdom and reflections that the author brought forth. Tuni did not have an easy life, for sure. And somehow she survived and was able to carry on, resolving issues and ending up with a pretty good life for herself.
This memoir is filled with facts that will break your heart and soul-searching that will give you hope. After you read it, you will want to just sit and reflect about your life, all the good and bad in it, and realize that you will get through it.
Underwater Daughter was one of those hard life stories but I appreciated all of the wisdom and reflections that the author brought forth. Tuni did not have an easy life, for sure. And somehow she survived and was able to carry on, resolving issues and ending up with a pretty good life for herself.
This memoir is filled with facts that will break your heart and soul-searching that will give you hope. After you read it, you will want to just sit and reflect about your life, all the good and bad in it, and realize that you will get through it.
April 26, 2023
Underwater Daughter is a brave, honest, beautifully written memoir of Tuni Deignan's trauma, healing, family and art. Tuni was sexually abused as a child by her father while her mother did nothing to stop it. She then experienced sexual assault as a teenager. Tuni became an accomplished dancer, dance teacher, wife and mother. It took many years before Tuni was able to recognize that what happened to her was not normal, that what she experienced was trauma, and that she was not protected by those who should have ensured her safety. Tuni's incredible inner strength shines through in her lyrical, poetic story of survival and healing. Underwater Daughter will help those who have experienced trauma, especially sexual abuse, and those who need to understand its impact of abuse on survivors. This book will increase empathy, compassion and awareness in all who read it.
Thank you to BookSparks, SheWritesPress and the author for a copy to review.
@BookSparks @Tunietal #UnderwaterDaughter
Thank you to BookSparks, SheWritesPress and the author for a copy to review.
@BookSparks @Tunietal #UnderwaterDaughter
May 6, 2023
As a licensed psychologist specializing in trauma, I highly recommend this book to sexual abuse survivors, to those still being victimized or anyone interested in learning more about the profound negative impact of such abuse on a child’s development. The power in Ms.Deignan’s memoir lies in her stunning candidness of these seriously damaging effects in her life and in her relationships and how she managed in her unique way to heal and to not just survive but thrive in spite of the serious trauma she sustained over many years in childhood. Ms. Deignan’s beautifully written memoir sends a message of hope for anyone grappling with abuse currently or dealing with the aftermath. I greatly appreciate the immense courage it took to write this book!
Anne C
Anne C
February 5, 2024
This is a raw and beautifully written Memoir in which author Antonia tells a brave and courage story of a challenging childhood and adulthood that turns out triumphant. I appreciate all the wisdom and reflections that the author brought forth. Tuni's life was not easy, somehow she survive and carried on and ended up with a pretty good life. This book will definitely hit you deeper and stay with you long after it is finished.
This book will awaken many of your own life stories and make you learn to appreciate everyday even more. We can find grace, love and forgiveness for others even in the most challenging circumstances. Overall, a great, heartfelt, insightful, painful and inspiring read that should be read by everyone!!!
This book will awaken many of your own life stories and make you learn to appreciate everyday even more. We can find grace, love and forgiveness for others even in the most challenging circumstances. Overall, a great, heartfelt, insightful, painful and inspiring read that should be read by everyone!!!
April 26, 2023
3.5 stars
Haunting memoir from @tunietal
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This artfully written book tells the story of Tuni’s traumatic childhood where she endured sexual assault at the hands of her father, while her mother sat idly by. Ultimately, after much hardship she finds joy and peace in her life.
.
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Antonia skillfully describes a horrific experience, and beautifully explores how the mind can work to protect itself from terrible trauma.
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I had to read this book in several parts because of the weight of it—it’s definitely not for all readers and **warning** this content may be difficult for many, but it is really well written—as someone in a helping profession, I found it incredibly enlightening.
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Thank you to @BookSparks and @shewritespress for the Advance Copy, out 5/2/2023.
Haunting memoir from @tunietal
.
.
This artfully written book tells the story of Tuni’s traumatic childhood where she endured sexual assault at the hands of her father, while her mother sat idly by. Ultimately, after much hardship she finds joy and peace in her life.
.
.
Antonia skillfully describes a horrific experience, and beautifully explores how the mind can work to protect itself from terrible trauma.
.
.
I had to read this book in several parts because of the weight of it—it’s definitely not for all readers and **warning** this content may be difficult for many, but it is really well written—as someone in a helping profession, I found it incredibly enlightening.
.
.
Thank you to @BookSparks and @shewritespress for the Advance Copy, out 5/2/2023.
May 30, 2023
Underwater Daughter is a memoir that covers heavy topics (be mindful of TW) and healing. The author has a way with words, she speaks of her trauma and her healing process and allows readers to understand on a more deeper level. In this book, I read trauma, joy, love, humor, and strength. Deignan has written a powerful and compelling book.
I always say how memoirs are still so new to me, but I can easily see why reading about people’s lives is so important. Reading about Deignan’s life has shown me that we all have a journey to experience, no matter the circumstances. We can face anything and ride the waves.
I always say how memoirs are still so new to me, but I can easily see why reading about people’s lives is so important. Reading about Deignan’s life has shown me that we all have a journey to experience, no matter the circumstances. We can face anything and ride the waves.
May 4, 2023
Tuni 's writing is Truth ... and raw honesty ... and also so beautifully poetic in telling her true life story. I personally know Tuni...but as I read I realized how much we really don't know everyone's full true story. She writes her story as beautifully and free flowing as she moves and dances ... with a gift of poetry as well.. and has such a gift of writing ... a true teacher at heart. This book will awaken many of your own life stories and made me learn to appreciate every day even more. I am excited to host a book club with this book ... to have women discuss and learn more about themselves thru Tuni's words. A must for other book clubs!
June 1, 2023
Underwater Daughter, A Memoir of Survival and Healing, is not a book that you finish and forget. This poetic, profound, and personal memoir lingers and replays its themes like perfumed air. From the story’s brutal childhood beginnings, the author transcends unthinkable abuse and reclaims herself. I’m in awe of how Antonia Deignan lightened, shifted, and transformed her burdensome load into the embodiment of love and forgiveness. Admittedly, some pages are hard-hitting, but when the author’s soul opens to beauty, the fragrance of triumph remains.
October 19, 2023
Not all books are a pleasure to read and not all books should be. Some are told because the story must be set free. This is that type of story. Nothing in it was easy to read, I'm betting nothing in it was easy to write. But nonetheless the story needed to be written.
Tuni has the grace to not only write horrific events in the most beautiful and heartbreaking way, but the grace she bestows on those who were meant to protect her is saint like. Her battle is constant and because of that her journey of healing may be too.
Tuni has the grace to not only write horrific events in the most beautiful and heartbreaking way, but the grace she bestows on those who were meant to protect her is saint like. Her battle is constant and because of that her journey of healing may be too.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 6, 2023
Many let the haunting of childhood trauma shred our lives into pieces, but not Tuni. Instead, this brave warrioress took her suffering and metabolized it into forgiveness and love, then poetically spit it onto the page for us to use as a manifesto for our own healing. Filled with gripping truth-telling and the most beautiful prose, Underwater Daughter will remind you that no matter how broken you may feel at times, you, like the author, have always been whole.
May 16, 2023
- thank you to netgalley and the publisher for an arc to review!
- a visceral exploration of trauma and healing, and the journey through the life of a survivor of assault and trauma. Deignan explores her pain and journey through a fantastical lens, which draws the reader into her story like a musician would when telling a story through their music. a story all should read.
- tw: sexual assault, sexual abuse, body injury (not by purpose)
- a visceral exploration of trauma and healing, and the journey through the life of a survivor of assault and trauma. Deignan explores her pain and journey through a fantastical lens, which draws the reader into her story like a musician would when telling a story through their music. a story all should read.
- tw: sexual assault, sexual abuse, body injury (not by purpose)
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