Broken Silence: Opening Your Heart and Mind to Therapy--A Black Woman's Recovery Guide

by D. Kim Singleton

For too many years, African American women have suffered in silence under the dual oppressions of racism and sexism. Expected to care for others before they care for themselves, forced to deal alone with emotional and physical abuse, black women have turned stress and rage inward—with devastating consequences. But life doesn’t have to be this way. In Broken Silence, renowned psychologist Dr. D. Kim Singleton, herself a black woman, shares the inspiring stories of eight African-American women who have healed themselves by opening their hearts and minds in therapy.

Dr. Singleton traces the psychology of today’s black women back to the days of slavery, when female slaves suffered abuse in silence—or died. Over the centuries, black women have learned to survive by adopting strategies like “keep your business to yourself” or “take your problems to the Lord,” with the result that giving voice to their pain is often the hardest part of the process. For Amy, breaking the silence meant facing up to the sexual abuse she suffered from her father for years. For Ava, it meant admitting that she depended, emotionally and financially, on a husband who tried to kill her. For Kate, it meant acknowledging a pattern of surrendering her identity and self-esteem to the men whose love she wanted. For all of these women, and hundreds of others Dr. Singleton has helped over the years, entering therapy took courage they didn’t know they had. But it has literally saved their lives.

The stories gathered here read like novels about remarkable women struggling to overcome a legacy of suffering, loneliness, and deep humiliation. But Broken Silence also provides clear advice and guidance that will help all women deal with their most difficult life issues. Whether it’s keeping a journal, turning to the Bible for solace and insight, or adopting new strategies for coping with the pressures of the work place, there are many practical ways to confront stress and build hope.

Women, especially black women, need to know that they are not alone in their experience of abuse, failed relationships, and career disappointment. They need to see that personal change is possible, and that lasting change can come from breaking the silence in therapy. Broken Silence is the book that will start the healing process and give women the power and clarity to live happy, effective lives.

208 pages, Hardcover

First published April 1, 2003

Reviews

[Phyllis | Mocha Drop · Rating 4 out of 5]

r. Singleton prefaces the novel, Broken Silence, by quoting an axiom from a t-shirt she once saw: "Being a Black Woman Is One of the Hardest Jobs in the World." She comments that this maxim has proven itself true as evidenced in the lives of her clients. Too often women of color hide behind walls of silence (with disastrous consequences), only turning to therapy when the burdens become too heavy to bear. I loved the way the author substantiated this point by citing the historical "silent suffering" experienced by African American slaves as fodder for pain; how religion is repeatedly viewed as the only means of relief; and how the "silent suffering" is still deeply rooted in the modern African American psyche.

The middle portion of the book contains eight success stories of black women who have benefited from therapy. Each woman has different types of issues ranging from emotional and sexual abuse, relationship issues, and self-respect/identity problems. Dr. Singleton introduces each story with care and compassion. Her objectivity, presentation of the issues, and counsel to her patients are helpful, sound, and sensible. She has simplified highly complex problems which allow the reader to easily empathize and learn from the lessons of others. My only comment here is she might have over-simplified a bit too much, but her advice and strategies to minimize stress and encourage her clients are wonderful.
I think this book is an excellent resource for women, especially black women, who need to know that they are not alone in their experiences with abuse, failed relationships, and/or career disappointments. It also provides clear explanations and warning signs along with practical suggestions and exercises for healthier living. It demonstrates that personal change is possible and helps women realize that if they choose to overcome the cultural stigma of therapy, they will find the support, comfort, relief, and balance needed to let the healing begin.

[Douglas Lord · Rating 5 out of 5]

First-time author Singleton, a psychotherapist who concentrates her practice on black females, noticed recurring "themes of careers, relationships, and abuse" among her patients. Here, she focuses on eight women whose stories typify these issues. After a dry start, she settles into a very readable approach--chapters are devoted to individual women who explore their issues through therapy. Their treatments unfold and come alive, and it's fascinating to see the therapy at work. As she demystifies the therapeutic process, Singleton includes lists that readers can use to gauge their own self-awareness (e.g., acknowledging emotional or physical abuse). Like Susan Newman's Oh God!: A Black Woman's Guide to Sex and Spirituality, Singleton's book is a worthwhile addition to all self-help collections.

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