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Audible Audio
First published May 23, 2022
My mother was a no-nonsense woman. If it wasn’t in the Bible or on Jerry Springer, then it couldn’t happen. Of course, there’s a lot of freaky stuff in the Good Book, with ladders to heaven and angels with animal faces and such. And crazy, muckraking talk shows probably aren’t the best yardstick for anything short of how depraved humans can be. But the point is that when she was abducted by aliens and impregnated with me, she had some trouble processing. I’m pretty sure Jerry actually covered that one, but I guess she missed the show that day. TiVo hadn’t been invented yet, just in case you’re wondering. Trust me, if it had, she’d have been all over that.
Aunt Magnolia held up one wiry, knobby hand and the babble stopped. God bless her.
“Child, how old are you?”
“Nine.”
“Think you can handle yourself by sixteen?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Then I can stay alive seven more years. Come on. I wanna be home by dusk.”
And so I went to live with Great-great-aunt Magnolia Rose McClennan, the older sister of my mother’s great grandmother.