Behind You: A Novel

by Catherine Hernandez

As terror grips a city, a young girl faces danger closer to home and chilling memories that last a lifetime.

Catherine Hernandez's most gripping and affecting novel yet, Behind You is inspired by a horrifying chapter in Canadian history and follows fictional characters terrorized by a fictional perpetrator.

Alma is a Filipina woman who works as a film editor for a cheesy True Crime series featuring the most notorious killers of the 20th century called Infamous. On the surface she seems to live a good life with her wife Nira and teenage son, Mateo. But there is so much left unsaid.

It's not until Infamous' last episode features the Scarborough Stalker that she remembers coming of age while the serial rapist and killer was attacking women and girls in Scarborough in the late 80s and early 90s.

What unfolds are two In the past, young Alma watches an entire city become consumed with a manhunt for an elusive, terrifying suspect, while she herself is in jeopardy from closer corners. In the present, adult Alma must come to terms with her own ideas of consent to stop her son's dangerous behaviour towards his girlfriend.

Weaving back and forth in time, Behind You, is a moving story of one girl’s resilience into adulthood and a chilling portrayal of the insidiousness if rape culture. It daringly turns the Whodunit genre on its head by asking the question ""Who hasn't done it?"" As in, who has not been complicit in sexual harm?

Genres: Fiction, Canada, Queer, LGBT, Audiobook, Thriller, Adult

Audible Audio

First published May 7, 2024

About the author

Catherine Hernandez (she/her) is an award-winning author and screenwriter. She is a proud queer woman who is of Filipino, Spanish, Chinese and Indian descent and married into the Navajo Nation. Her first novel, Scarborough, won the Jim Wong-Chu Award for the unpublished manuscript; was a finalist for the Toronto Book Awards, the Evergreen Forest of Reading Award, the Edmund White Award, and the Trillium Book Award; and was longlisted for Canada Reads. She has written the critically acclaimed plays Singkil, The Femme Playlist and Eating with Lola and the children’s books M Is for Mustache: A Pride ABC Book and I Promise. She recently wrote the screenplay for the film adaptation of Scarborough, which is currently in post-production by Compy Films with support from Telefilm Canada and Reel Asian Film Festival. She is the creator of Audible Original’s audio sketch comedy series Imminent Disaster. Her second novel, Crosshairs, published simultaneously in Canada and the US and the UK this spring, made the CBC's Best Canadian Fiction, NOW Magazine's 10 Best Books, Indigo Best Book, Audible Best Audiobooks and NBC 20 Best LGBTQ Books list of 2020. Her third children's book, Where Do Your Feelings Live? which is a guide for kids living through these scary times, has been commissioned by HarperCollins Canada and will be published in winter 2022.

Reviews

[Lindsay L · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 stars!

I’ll be thinking of this book for a long time.

This book is based on the most notorious criminal from my local area of the Niagara Region. He started his sexual crimes in the late 1980’s in Scarborough earning the name the Scarborough Rapist and then moved on to the Niagara Region to capture, torture and kill his victims. This book does not state his name and I refuse to name him as well to avoid giving him any further glory or fame for his unfathomable crimes. Growing up in Niagara in the 90’s, I lived through the extreme fear and anxiety that this horrific man and his accomplice brought to the local area. Although this book focuses on his crimes in the Scarborough area (not the Niagara Region where I grew up), it sheds light on a society filled with constant fear and worry and shows how debilitating one man can be to an entire community.

This dual timeline fictionalized novel goes back and forth between the main character as a child living in Scarborough where this criminal was capturing his victims, to the present day when she is a film editor working on a true crime series that features this killer who is now in prison. Working on this film brings back memories and flashbacks back to the time the crimes were happening.

The narrative took me a few chapters to get into and connect with but once I did, I was addicted. Having personally lived the fear this infamous killer created surely made it even more impactful and relatable for me. The author gives voice to a community threatened and living in paranoia. The writing created an atmosphere that was palpable with tension, fear, doubt and paranoia.

This book is also an impactful coming-of-age story about a young queer girl who is searching for her true sense-of-self and belonging.

Thank you to my IG friend @sloane_reads for bringing this book to my attention, as I never would have picked it up had she not raved about it and explained what criminal this story was based on.

Thank you to my lovely local library for the physical loan!

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really, REALLY enjoyed this brilliant new novel from a fav Canadian author! In Behind you, we get thrust back into late 1980s and early 90s Scarborough when a serial rapist and stalker is on the loose, terrifying the women of Toronto.

The coming of age story follows young Alma, a queer Filipino girl growing up in the city and trying to fit in with her peers and make her boyfriend happy by pretending to be hetero and pleasing him sexually until things escalate one night and she is heartbreakingly raped.

Alternating between the past and the present, we also get to see more of Alma's life as a proud partner, mother and daughter and her struggles to find acceptance as an out queer woman even among her family.

Incredibly moving and at times difficult to read, my heart went out to Alma sooo many times but I loved how she found solace and friendship with her lesbian school librarian. This was also amazing on audio narrated by the author herself! Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an early digital copy in exchange for my honest review!

⚠️CW: teen pregnancy, rape, sexual assault, Anti-Asian racism

[Kelly (miss_kellysbookishcorner) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Title: Behind You
Author: Catherine Hernandez
Genre: Fiction
Rating: 5.00
Pub Date: May 7, 2024

I received a complimentary eARC from HarperCollins Canada via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own. #Gifted

T H R E E • W O R D S

Daring • Layered • Compelling

📖 S Y N O P S I S

Alma is a Filipina woman who works as a film editor for a cheesy True Crime series featuring the most notorious killers of the 20th century called Infamous. On the surface she seems to live a good life with her wife Nira and teenage son, Mateo. But there is so much left unsaid.

It's not until Infamous' last episode features the Scarborough Stalker that she remembers coming of age while the serial rapist and killer was attacking women and girls in Scarborough in the late 80s and early 90s.

What unfolds are two storylines: In the past, young Alma watches an entire city become consumed with a manhunt for an elusive, terrifying suspect, while she herself is in jeopardy from closer corners. In the present, adult Alma must come to terms with her own ideas of consent to stop her son's dangerous behaviour towards his girlfriend.

💭 T H O U G H T S

If you've been following my reading life over the past couple of years, you'll know how much of a fan I am of Canadian author Catherine Hernandez. Her 2024 release Behind You was an easy add to my most anticipated list and it did not disappoint!

This coming-of-age story, which is loosely based on the Scarborough Stalker case, is told in a dual timeline format, switching back and forth between the present and the late 80s/early 90s when a stalker is terrorizing the community. While the focus of so many books is on the crimes, Hernandez takes a different route, focusing on the community. She brings to life the anxiety and turmoil felt by the entire community being terrorized and how it's our relationships that hold us together. Beyond that she opens up important dialogue on rape culture and victimization, the crucial importance of consent, women's safety, homophobia, complicated biological family relationships, and the importance of having people in your corner.

Like her previous novels, the character development really brings the characters to life. Falling on the shorter side, it covers a lot of ground, meaning the pacing is quite fast. The present day true crime element was a clever plot device and was incredibly well executed. When I got to the final page, the many meanings behind the title really left me reflecting. It really is one of the best uses of a title I have come across. This is certainly a book I could see myself coming back to in the future.

Behind You is by no means an easy read, yet it is one that will linger in my mind long after finishing it. While geographically set in Canada, the content is universally relevant and a book I'd recommend to the masses. I just found out it has already been optioned for the big screen and have no doubt it will be just as impactful there. I will continue to sing Catherine Hernandez's praise and recommend her books any chance I get.

📚 R E A D • I F • Y O U • L I K E
• stories based loosely on true events
• true crime elements
• strong female protagonist

⚠️ CW: murder, death, child death, bullying, stalking, pedophilia, child abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, toxic relationship, homophobia, lesbophobia, misogyny, sexism, sexual harassment, sexual assault, sexual violence, rape, mental illness, eating disorder, medical content, dementia, teen pregnancy, gaslighting, sexual content, anti-Asian racism

🔖 F A V O U R I T E • Q U O T E S

"That this would be about her life. Not her death."

[Care]

Catherine Hernandez is one of my favourite authors so I'm not surprised to have loved this. Her characters have souls that connect with me, bringing me back to the page to see how their lives will turn out. This one, despite the turmoil of the characters' lives, ends again with joy.

The dual timeline worked for me, slowly unfolding Alma's past to make the present make sense.

It's not about them, the men who hurt women, rape women, kill women. It's about the women who hold each other together after the destruction. Sometimes in imperfect ways, sometimes in just the right way.

Behind You's title is full of meaning; at first it's clear that it's referencing the police's condescending advice to women to not walk alone at night, to look where you're going because the Scarborough Stalker might be behind you and you need to be on the defensive. But it's also about who is behind you, who is in your corner. Who has your back no matter what. And how your past, what's behind you, doesn't have to define how you move forward. Though your history, your culture, your ancestors, will always be behind you guiding the way.

I read this at the same time as Ma and Me by Putsata Reang and found there to be lots of dialogue between the two books. Queer southeast Asian women and their fractured relationships with their moms, the women who did everything to scaffold their daughters to (their own version of) success.

I love all Hernandez's books and this is no exception. They have natural-feeling, spotlighted queer characters with quite fast pacing that draws you into the story, making it hard to put the book down. Her beautiful writing and dialogue brings tears to my eyes. They are feel-good stories despite covering hard topics. This one covers rape culture and consent, multifaceted relationships with family (love and abuse), and the healing found in a chosen family.

content warnings:
Graphic: Homophobia, Sexual violence, Lesbophobia, Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Sexual assault, Sexual harassment, Sexism, and Bullying

Moderate: Physical abuse, Stalking, Medical content, Dementia, Murder, Child death, Eating disorder, Religious bigotry, Pedophilia, and Pregnancy

[Meredith · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. I read this quickly - despite it's difficult and dark subject matter, this was very readable. In 'Behind You', Hernandez does a great job depicting what it must have felt like living through a particularly fearful and unsettling time of Toronto's past. I appreciated how Hernandez highlighted how women and girls were impacted differently than men (and boys). At times, the writing and messaging felt heavy-handed (similar to how I felt reading Hernandez's sophomore novel 'Crosshairs'). I loved Hernandez's debut novel 'Scarborough', and I've yet to find that magic in her follow-up books.

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not as much terror / crime as I was hoping for, but still very very good.

[kim child of the god of thunder · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pardon my French but holy fucking shit. Catherine Hernandez is brilliant. What an incredible story that does not feel didactic in any way, and yet is an illumination — and a takedown — of trauma, pain, rape culture, and so much more.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Teenage Alma in 1980’s Scarborough. Navigating identity, personal safety and coming of age. I was that age at that time too and the dialogue rang true…
“Don’t put yourself in a vulnerable position. Don’t come home late at night. Travel in pairs. Let your loved ones know what your plans are. Check in with each other and always look behind you.” (P89)
“I have daughters too. Three of them. And one son. Thank God for him. Things are much easier raising a boy. You don’t have to contend with this nonsense, worrying about who’s going to attack him. But for my three girls, they need to know how to defend themselves they need to know how to fight back and escape, if these victims knew to throw a punch, they would have gotten away.” (P82)
In the novel, the true story of the Scarborough Killer plays out in the background, but it’s not about him. It’s about the culture of fear he, in part, created.
Alma today, married to her partner, Nira, and raising their teenage son who is showing concerning behaviour around consent with his first girlfriend. The way Alma and Nira work through their own histories and past traumas in a realistic, flawed, but ultimately successful way is beautifully written. I only wish their parenting of Mateo had been given a few more scenes, more conversation. Still and all, another page turning, soul filling novel from one of my favourite authors.
“Our bodies hold our history.”

[Robin]

I wanted to like this book bc I think the premise and storytelling style is quite good and it did engage me but omg I cannot read from the perspective of this protagonist. Not even necessarily a main plot point but the protagonist has apparently been “fat” since childhood and spends (to me TOO MUCH) time feeling guilty about eating food and thinking about how her body looks from different perspectives(negative). I have spent much time getting out of these thought patterns I had when I was younger and although a minor detail of the book I cannot go back into reading that mindset.

DNF

[Dana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked the way that the author was able to frame the time of trauma and fear during this perilous time of Canadian/torontos history and how it really focused on the fear that I seem to know well, about the intentions of men you know and men you don’t. The only thing that I felt was disconnected was the whole Victoria storyline. Not that I didn’t see the thematic link but narratively, it could have been more tied to Alma merely than being some girl from their neighbourhood. However, this whole book hit close to home but I really really enjoyed this.

[Hope Lachapelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very well written and captivating

[Erin Clemence · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Behind You” by Catherine Hernandez is a coming-of-age story of a young girl, struggling with her sexuality and identity, in a city in Ontario that is being haunted by a serial killer.

Alma is a film editor, working on a true crime series of notorious serial killers of the twentieth century. While editing, she comes across the story of the Scarborough Rapist, a serial killer who raped and murdered young women in her community during her childhood. Alma is haunted by flashbacks of the young women, and of a time when she was struggling to find out who she was. Not only is she dealing with the trauma of her childhood, but she is starting to recognize red flags in the behaviour of her son, Mateo, against his girlfriend and she knows what can happen if she doesn’t step in and say something- soon.

This novel captured my attention for many reasons. The author is Canadian, I have seen this novel on every library and bookshelf in my town and I, like Alma, grew up haunted by the threat of the Scarborough rapist. Hernandez is careful not to mention his name, in order to honour the victims, so I won’t either, but his identity is obvious, even if his name is not.

“Behind You” is narrated by Alma in the present day, as she works on her film series, and in the past, as she grows up in a city in Ontario, with an abusive mother and an absent father. As a child growing up in the nineties, she is soon an adult faced with difficult concepts like consent, which was not talked about throughout her childhood. Anyone in my age range, whether you grew up a stone’s throw from a serial killer or not, will relate to the emotional and thought-provoking subject matter.

There is one scene in my mind which sums up society back then (and sadly, now) so perfectly that I know it’ll stick with me. The community gathers in a local rec centre, to discuss safety measures as they start to realize there is a serial killer in their midst. The women and girls stay on one side of the gym, practicing self-defence moves and receiving rape whistles, while the men and boys remain on the other side of the gym, playing basketball. It is such an honest depiction of societal differences both in that time, and now, that it cannot help but be noticed.

“Behind You” is unique, complex and emotionally charged. Hernandez’s writing is creative, honest and powerful, unveiling relevant and difficult issues. I’m so glad that I stumbled across this book, and I highly recommend it for anyone who is looking for something new and exceptional, where the monsters that haunt the night are very, very real.

[Maggie (Magsisreadingagain) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Catherine Hernandez has done it again!! Behind You has confirmed my love for Hernandez’s writing.

Splitting the story between the present and Scarborough in the late 80s and early 90s, we meet Alma, currently working as a film editor for a true-crime documentary company. While she excels at her work, her latest project slams her back into her childhood, when a serial rapist/murderer was terrorizing her neighborhood.

This novel examines the effects of childhood trauma decades later, for victims, friends, family and the community as a whole. The definitions of family, particularly in the queer community, sexism, racism, and how marriages can handle trauma are topics that Hernandez handles with great skill. I am simply wowed.

Many, many thanks to Harper Collins Canada and NetGalley for offering an eARC in exchange for my honest opinion. This novel will be released May 7, 2024.

[shesellsseashells · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75

[Kathryn McGean]

I wanted to keep reading this book because I had started it and it seems important. But it was unrelenting. There was too much and no glimmer of hope or joy in either timeline.

[biz · Rating 4 out of 5]

catherine hernandez has done it again — this is an incredibly moving novel with realistic, flawed, and (mostly) sympathetic characters. her novels always handle heavy topics and traumatic events with such care and respect. i loved that the end of the narrative focused on healing as a community and ending cycles of abuse/violence. highly recommend this read!

[Amanda Macdonald · Rating 4 out of 5]

Traumatic!! But good! But trauma! It’s what you can expect from the author of Scarborough.

Edit: I meant to include that the depictions of the community response to the Scarborough Stalker is so spot on. Especially the messages that were given to young girls in that time and the self defence workshop, which I definitely remember doing, is so painfully accurate.

[Soleil · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s so honest and raw and made my heart ache with knowing. The ending felt a little rushed from a narrative perspective. The plot felt a bit scattered. But the vulnerability is to be celebrated. Alma is written with so much humanity. Her joyful ending is wonderful and so deserved. She is like any of us.

[Ann-Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this essentially in 24 hours. Can’t tell you the last time I did that. Loved it. It wasn’t “about” Paul Bernardo / Scarborough Rapist but it kind of was… (the tribute at the beginning says: It’s not about him, it’s about us” which is very accurate.)

It was also memory lane for coming of age for this 1976 Gen X-er … from the lifestyle mentions (decor/ style/ artists…) to topics around consent and raging sexism (that I feel I buried & then was reminded all about).

Similar to her Scarbough novel but also distinctly unique. Highly recommend.

[Sofia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Update:
I have been thinking about this book since I finished and I have to say that I think this is almost a 5 star book because it truly has had me thinking deeply about it and applying those thoughts to my own life. I think the writing is holding it back a bit, making me hesitant to bump it up, but I think I would recommend this book to lots of people. The only thing is that it is quite dark.

Original thoughts:
I think that Hernandez is great at writing sympathetic characters and making her books quite readable. I found the story very compelling but I just felt like it wasn't the right time for me to read this book. I liked how it drew a line between rape culture or perhaps just the ownership we feel over others bodies and the killing of women. The police officer remarks that now the killer has been caught and so women are safe, but the author parallels that with continued systematic gendered violence and sexual assault. That being said, the writing was rather plain, and I found the pacing a bit off. I thought the climax was rather predictable, but I don't think the author wanted to make it particularly hidden.

[Michelle Leung · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this new, brilliant novel by Canadian author Catherine Hernandez (a local hero known best for “Scarborough”!). A very quick read, despite its difficult and dark subject matter.

While the “Scarborough Stalker” is at large and looming in this story, this is a coming of age story through the eyes of Alma, a queer Filipino girl growing up in the city, going through puberty and struggling to fit in with her HS peers.

The story alternates between past and present, with adult Alma working as a film editor for true crime docs. Her work reminds her of her childhood, and the “infamous” serial killer that was terrorizing her neighborhood. As a reader, much of this was so nostalgic to me, growing up on the cusp of Scarborough/North York in the late 80s/early 90s and taking that 54 Eglinton bus on the regular. Hernandez perfectly captured what it was like to grow up in this particular part of the city, in this specific time, and how the crimes affected the community.

[Stephanie Marks · Rating 5 out of 5]

So well written, amazingly crafted with plot and characters. Hernandez’s books are amazing, and she is beyond talented. That’s it, 5/5 review.

[Marielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This must read suspenseful book from Canadian author Hernandez is based loosely on true events and follows Alma, a Filipina film editor for Infamous, a corny true crime series. When their latest episode features a local stalker who terrorized her neighbourhood when Alma was a child, her past starts coming back to haunt her. Told in flashbacks jumping from past to present, I was equally enthralled by the representation of the terror this serial rapist had on Alma and her family as a young girl as I was by her present situation dealing with her wife, her son and his potentially troublesome actions.

This book addresses head on the blame culture that women deal with when we talk about sexual assault. It's the woman's fault if she dresses inappropriately. It is her responsibility to always be looking behind her. Alma experiences abuse and aggressions as a child that she is still working to overcome. I especially appreciated the story line when, after Alma's son damages school property while doing something threatening to a girl, Alma storms off when the principal is more concerned about the property than a person. It makes you think about the lessons we pass down to our children in teaching them what is and isn't okay. A very interesting take on misogyny, female blame, rape culture, and the lasting effects of coming of age when you're living in fear. This book has already been optioned for film and television so run to pick your copy up before you see it on the big screen! This will be a hit for fans of Bright Young Women.

Thank you to HarperCollins Canada, Netgalley and Hernandez for an earc in exchange for my honest review.

[Jana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just like the first book I read from this author (The Story of Us) I was kind of confused at the start, but ended up enjoying the story. It wasn’t what I expected - I was thinking it would be more about the Scarborough Stalker. Instead, that’s just a side story woven throughout to accentuate other themes, few of which are pleasant. This is not an easy read in that sense, there is extensive trauma, racism and abuse throughout. While it seemed a bit outrageous for one person to have so much bad in their life, who am I to say there aren’t people out there who experience so much. So I put that thought aside for my rating.

[Lolz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Catherine Hernandez is amazing. I’ve loved every one of her books and will continue to read everything she publishes
I’m assuming the ‘Scarborough Stalker’ in the book is based on the real-life ‘Scarborough Rapist’ Paul Bernardo. The timelines match up. Throughout the story Hernandez highlights the subtle ways our culture normalizes violence and gender inequality, and her writing has a extrodianary way of seemlessly role modeling healthy ways to challenge that normalization. It’s brilliant, its brave, it’s real.
One of my favorite parts was the empowering list of all the amazing things a body can do. Thank goodness for people like Marta the Lesbian Librarian and safe spaces like libraries.

[🪐 · Rating 3 out of 5]

i felt like the writer’s voice was a bit flat, especially towards the beginning while the story was getting started, but the actual crux of the novel is very great. although the events surrounded a fictional version of the fear of living in proximity to a not-so fictional serial killer, the real importance is how the past and the present mirror each other, specifically in regards to rape culture and consent. also personally very enlightening regarding my own experiences and the society we live in. i give a bonus 0.75 for sparking real reflection in me.

[Dayla · Rating 5 out of 5]

Catherine Hernandez never misses.

I've read most of Hernandez's books (I think I still have just one left) and I'm not being facetious when I say that all have been mind-blowing reads. Every single one of her books has left me with heavy thoughts and a new perspective on society and the way I interact with it.

BEHIND YOU explores what it means to be not just a girl in society, but a foreign girl in society. The sexualizing of young non-white girls by adult men (who feel like they're owed something from said girls), and the bullying those same girls get from classmates who don't look like them. Adding in that this mostly takes place in Scarborough was an extra touch because of the diversity there.

There are some seriously creepy moments in this book that help exemplify what it means to exist in a young girl's body; what it looks like to not be believed when you mention a situation to someone you hope would be on your side. All with the extra terrifying mystery of a serial rapist/murderer, who I immediately connected to the Barbie & Ken murders.

Taking place both in the late 80s-early 90s, and in present-day Ontario, Hernandez's novel was also an ode to young girls who are just trying to find themselves in a world that is determined to keep them down. From a very verbally and at-times physically abusive household (that I presume heavily discriminated against the MC because of colourism), to a present where the adult MC is spiralling into a dark hell of trauma, triggered by a re-exploration of the case that haunted her childhood, Hernandez gives us an incredibly fleshed out story that refuses to miss out any details.

The parallels between the MC's past experiences, and the present struggle she encounters with her own son, wife, and still abusive family, and the past that still haunts her were incredible--especially when we see certain interactions between the MC and her wife regarding their son's behaviour.

Hernandez doesn't hold back any punches and I think anyone who can handle those punches should pick this book up. It's important, poignant, jarring, and just an absolutely incredible piece of Canadian literature.

Happy reading!

[midori · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another lightning fast read, despite the heavy subject matter.

This captured the pyramid of sexual violence SO thoughtfully. The universal hardships of being a woman, from puberty through to adulthood: changing bodies, fearing for your safety, responding to men who feel entitled to your body, and working to unlearn cycles of misogyny and violence within your own family.

Extra +++ for a found family subplot! Love love love

[Jeanelle d'Eon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I felt like this book was following two different people.

I couldn’t quite wrap my head around the behaviour of older Alma. She was struggling and making some poor decisions that people just brushed under the rug or people were being rude to her. I didn’t feel like the story of the younger Alma gave insight into the behaviour of older Alma.

I loved that this was based around Canadian history and showcased many different complicated women.

[Daniel Kukwa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a strange novel, in that I took a dislike to almost everyone in the book...but I couldn't stop reading until someone...ANYONE...reached or managed to achieve some level of catharsis or come-uppance...and I did finally get this at the very end. It's a violent, brutal book in many ways...but it's incredibly compelling (if exhausting).