Notes on Love: Being Single and Dating in a Marriage Obsessed Church

by Lauren Windle

In this delightfully witty and uplifting book, 30-something Lauren Windle shines a light on the trials and tribulations - and sometimes also the triumphs - of the world of Christian dating.

This is not a how-to guide. Like having a coffee with your mates while you pore over your profile matches, heartbreaks, and hilarious mishaps, Notes on Love draws on Lauren's own experiences of being single and dating in the church to offer a funny, insightful, and open-hearted collection of musings on the absurdity, messiness, pain, and joy of it all.

With notes on "How to Handle a First Date", "A Million Ways to Meet People", "Disappointment", and "Schrodinger’s Boyfriend", as well as looking at how you can find true love with yourself, your friends, and family and above all in Christ, Notes on Love is a thought-provoking exploration of Christian relationships in the church today.

This is a book for anyone who has struggled with dating in church or who has asked themselves how to be single as a Christian only to discover there’s no right answer. Warm, generous, and honest, Notes on Love is an invitation to laugh, cry, and know that whether you are male or female, single, coupled up, or somewhere in between, you are not alone.

Genres: Christian, Christianity, Faith

Audible Audio

Published July 1, 2021

Reviews

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really empowering book, great advice. But please remove the swear words gaps, it disrupted the narrative and felt unnecessary. Especially in the audio book with the twinkle over it.

[Bekah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved reading this book
So refreshing to read a good book on marriage/singles/friendship in a Christian context.
I love how she spoke about Love in friendships as well as in Relationships. She writes beautifully about community and how to build a good community that cares for singles and doesn't create a hierarchy based on marriage status. Also is hilarious at moments, read this book so quickly and would happily read again

[Lydia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lauren Windle made me think, she had me examining my life and challenging my ideals. This makes it seem like ‘Notes on Love’ was some horrible instrument of torture - but nothing could be further from the truth. It was a beacon of hope, a vessel of encouragement - a love letter to singles. I’ve read countless books on relationships and dating from a Christian perspective but nothing quite like this. This is frank, disarming and smattered with redacted expletives. Fear not, there are Bible verses - but Windle’s bracing honesty may come as a shock to those more used to more conservative, staid tomes

. It reads as a memoir of a real young Christian, rather than a textbook on how to navigate dating. Whilst I wished there was more exposition from the Bible- the bits there were, were great - and possibly clearer directives on dating non-Christians and same-sex relationships; I think it was brilliant that dating apps and going through breaks-up got some stage time. This book is nothing if not relevant.

‘Notes on Love’ is not another trite purity manifesto - it’s something much more vital - a warning to the Church on how to be family, how to love, how to live, how to uphold the singles in its midst. It is a clarion call for real community and one that I hope is heard by many.

[Charlotte · Rating 5 out of 5]

“everything you do should be from a position of understanding how loved you are.”

i recently heard lauren speak recently and immediately was desperate to read her book.
she writes incredibly, it feels like chatting to a best friend. she offers a honest reflection on christian dating, and adds perspectives that i so needed to hear. her discussions on what dating is like dating in the church (or not in the church) and being single in a marriage obsessed environment were so insightful.

my favourite chapters were in relationship with friendships and in relationship with christ. incredible and brought me to tears.

[Thomas Creedy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very readable and very funny. Some excellent practical advice and a healthy humility. Appreciated Lauren’s blend of experience and handling (simple but in a good way) of the Bible.

Only thing that prevents it from being 5 stars is ambiguity around same-sex relationships which felt odd and would mean I’d not recommend it for every Christian.

Apart from that this is an entertaining and readable new book on dating - for this time. Read as a nice counterpart to ‘talking back to purity culture’ and re some themes in ‘the great sex rescue’.

[Becca]

9th December 2022 - I was so excited to read this book but unfortunately it didn’t work out for me. I found the language quite hard to follow and (personally) felt uncomfortable with some of the words used. I’m disappointed because as I Christian, I have struggled finding a meaningful relationship and wanted a Christian perspective on finding love. But I will just use other means of finding this out (the Bible mainly) - I will be unhauling this one!

[Emma Garry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Possibly the best and most honest book on singleness and dating in the church that I've read. Lauren gives real-life examples that draw you in; she says it how it is, which not many people in the church do. It's a great mix of insight and practical advice. The end is fantastic, bringing it all back to the fundamentals of every kind of relationship. This book is for everyone, not just those who are single, and brings an important message to the church that needs to be heard.

[Emily Crutchley · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think I'd describe this as a soap box book.

But 3 stars because it does present some good criticisms and challenges for the church to grapple with... And it's entertaining.

But I'm not fully convinced. I appreciate she's trying to address the specifics and practicalities of dating but a lot of it is just random life advice. And there's quite a lot of ranting that although des give voice to the confusion and frustration that is felt... maybe it should be in a podcast or blog.

[Rianna · Rating 5 out of 5]

good!!!!! I’ve never thought to think about Jesus being single and how it should play into our view of partnerships. Very hopeful as well but not in the ‘you’ll find someone eventually’ type of way

[Martha · Rating 5 out of 5]

*Googles how to get all my couple friends in church to read it*

What an honest book! I felt challenged for sure, but mostly just seen. I would really recommend the church community to give it a read and maybe have a rethink on a few things.

It was humorous but personal, and I think it was a brave but important book to write!

[Lucy Thacker · Rating 4 out of 5]

The most refreshing book I've read in singleness in a long time. I really enjoyed the chapters on church and singleness, relating a lot to the first chapters of the book, and the suggestions of how church can do better.

Parts of it I completely disagreed with her theology, I think at times it was too anecdotal, became a little bit of a "how to", and the spaces for swearing made the flow disruptive.

Interested to read her feminism in a male dominated book, and would really love to read a book on her experience of the world of addiction which she mentions at time in this book

[Brooke · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book! I was so sad when it was over, as it really made me think. Lauren Windle gave some good advice while holding a little magnifying glass up to my mind at parts. Very humorous and very insightful. Like talking to a friend. LOVED her progressive takes.

If I could, I'd give it a 4.5 because there were points where I felt a bit butt-hurt and guilty (particularly the part about dating people you don't find attractive at first LOL), but the great parts far outshine those moments.

Highly recommend to every Christian- single, dating, engaged, or married.

[Maddie · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most refreshing, raw reads in a long time.

Grateful for Lauren openly and honestly sharing her stories and stories of the people she has met for this book.

She is very funny and self deprecating and I felt managed to find the balance between down to earth humour whilst still sticking to the heart of biblical principles and the fundamental underlying note to remind us all that our relationship with God is the best relationship we will ever have.

[Victoria Flemming · Rating 4 out of 5]

Probably 4.25, I stumbled on this book unknowingly and it was great. So short, a quick read. Her writing is hilarious, I started reading the physical copy and laughed out loud - so I jumped to the audiobook and loved it even more in her voice. She remains genuine to her own relationship with faith but calls out a lot of what the church keeps getting wrong (“could do better”). This is one of the more grounded and realistic… and humorous takes on this topic. I’d want to be her friend.

[Bec Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

No one else has written this kind of book yet! (Not that I have seen) this is an honest, well researched and well presented view of what it’s like to be single in church over the age of 30. Thank you Lauren for writing it and blessing us with it!

[Ellaline · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely brilliant book- read in 4 days. Lauren is so funny and managed to combine both comedy and a very real depiction of what the church dating scene can be like. Would highly recommend for anyone, no matter their relationship status or approach to dating.

[Stacey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Humorous, refreshing, straight talk. Thoroughly enjoyed.

[Laura Merten · Rating 4 out of 5]

Veryyyy cheesy at parts but some good and affirming nuggets.

[Thomas Lovejoy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read it based on a seminar I attended at Newday , very good tips on handling dating as a Christian and I like the insight that a Christian feminist can provide on the church .

[Phoebe · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found her very personable and some good challenges thrown out at times. Would recommend.

[Lydia Cotterell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book! Funny, relatable and comforting.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this! Lots to think about.

[Steve Page · Rating 4 out of 5]

Accessible and intelligent discussion on how the church deals with singles

[Tay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun, different and refreshingly honest.

[Joey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful x

[Cerise · Rating 5 out of 5]

i luv u lauren windle

[EJ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Definitely some funny stories in this book! I read this book as I first saw the author on the Salt dating show, which is fantastic: very clean and sweet. Overall, this was a pleasing, quick read that left me feeling encouraged. However, the author shares their feminist perspective that is clear in the book, and there is a strong hint of progressivism as well - just a heads up.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

What I loved about this book:
- The theology and research.
- The deconstruction of previously popular Christian dating approaches.
- The focus on friendships and on Jesus.
- The advocacy of singleness being valid, and the problems of the church trying to pair everyone off.
- The hilarious anecdotes and sarcastic lists.

What I wasn’t keen on:
- The chunk in the middle giving tips on asking out/ first date/ online dating/ break ups.

The blurb says that this is not a how-to, but a lot of this stuff in the middle felt exactly like that. Whilst Lauren’s writing style is effective, and granted, a lot of it seemed like pretty solid advice, that’s not what I was looking for in this book and I don’t think it was necessary.

I enjoyed the fresh take on singleness and dating, in church cultures where marriage is expected quickly, for everyone, and the highest goal. After growing up as a female in church, I’ve heard a lot of nonsense on this topic and Lauren’s approach was pretty refreshing.